Selected quad for the lemma: duty_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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B03479
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A discourse of friendship. By E.G. gent.
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E. G., gent.
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1676
(1676)
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Wing G11A; ESTC R177287
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95,537
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184
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with injury both to himself and his son to himself by failing in his duty which is ever to keep up his power in all lawful things to his son in laying before him a temptation to disobedience by his example while he omits his duty Indulgence is the inlet to all other traps and snares sad Instances we have had of this in our present Age where all vices are made almost indifferent but such as disturb the tranquility of the Kingdom there are many things of the nature of this relation that cannot consist with a moral Friendship Instance the power and command of the Father the fear and obedience of the son these are contrary to that personal equality which cannot be exempted from Frendship it being as natural to the being and well-being of that concern as inequality is to this of relations the properest expressions between Friends is that which a Father and son never do as constant familiar converse equal conversation wherein they always submit their wills and affections each to other there are many things in frendship that cannot be admitted where there is a challenge of duty and command it is no prejudice to a parent and the duty I owe him to pay all possible endearments to my Friend because there are many things due to the one the other cannot challenge It is not my designe to derogate from any relation that just esteem they ought to have this must be allowed that this relation makes great dearness and a most inviolable Frendship and under such real obligations as the laws of God and men hath made indispensable and that because there are duties that obliged them before any other Frendship could be made and have left such impression as must abide and will never give place to any other because of their propriety which is supreme There are two things especially I shall point at wherein this relation differs from a moral Friendship and that is first in their springs from whence they flow and Secondly in their ends and designes First the love and frendship of the relation is grounded purely upon natural causes and therefore called natural affection there is no need of prudence in this case no man consults his reason whether he shall love his son or not a natural instinct inclines him to that but if his son be rebellious then he hath need of prudence to direct him how to regulate his affections so is his indulgence may not prejudice his son There are many things binding to persons in â—his relation as the law of God the law of â—ature and their love to themselves parents love â—heir children because they love themselves â—hey are perpetuated in their children posterity â—eing the instruments of a civil immortality â—ikewise the son cannot dispute his obedience to â—is father he being bound with his father by the â—ame laws and under more obligations then the â—ather can be 1. he has his being from his father â—y which he is capacitated for al the rest that folâ—ow as his preservation education example supâ—ly all these adde to the sons obligations but â—oral frendship has no law or obligation predisâ—osing the persons for frendship but is grounded upon moral principles and is animated by that profit reward pleasure that is annexed to the object Love in this respect is the effect of an unconstrained choice and therefore is not subject to those uncertainties that natural affections are nothing holds the affection stronger and longer then a free choice we experience this the love of relations is not much to be trusted in as the duties so the love of relations is changeable and much altered by accidents instance parents much abate in their affections to their children that once they dearly loved haply occasioned by some rebellious unworthy carriage actions against commands perswasions threatnings and intreaties which aggravate the crimes and make them inexcusable sometimes cross marriages become a great ground of quarrell when they are inferiour or unequal Again when sons put themselves upon dishonourable designes and by their extravagances brings a general ruine upon themselves and families and grow so desparate that instead of cherishing and supporting their parents against the injuries of others lay violent hands on them themselves and imbrew their hands in their bloud or consent with others unnaturally designing against them from whom they have their being David had such a son in Absalom all which so alienates the hearts of parents that they cannot give them a favorable aspect without censure nor a place in their thoughts but with reluctancies and the aggravations which second these high provocations are so many and hainous that natural affection sometimes is thereby quit and abandoned and â—hat upon just and solid grounds Othertimes paâ—ents fail in their duty to their children and carry it unnaturally toward them that have deserved â—etter nothing more notorious then for men to forsake the sons of their love preferring fome Dalilah before them upon whom they prodigalâ—y spend their substance discouraging and corrupting their children together which they do by their inhumane actions and vicious practises and this is worthy our consideration how separation will alienate the affections of relations so that there shall not remain in them a powerful inclination either to sollicit or endeavour the prosperity one of another but shall prefer a faithful servant before the relation this hath been so amazing to me that I have thought natural affection one of the greatest uncertainties of humane life and not to be confided in because men so strangely degenerate in this respect that they make themselves inferiour to the brutes Secondly as the original from whence the love of this relation comes is incongruous to that of Frendship so their ends are contrary Frendship designes nothing more then the pleasure of society whereby by communicating each others joys and hopes afflictions and disappointments they come to obtain the proper and most useful effects of Frendship but parents have no such expectation they do not aim at a sociable contentment in their children nor children in their parents how freely do parents and children consent to be divided sometimes into the farthest part of the world one from another if their persons estates or content may be advanced by it and are very well satisfied to meet once or twice in their whole lives or to converse together in a few lines which are uncertainly ventured and seldom arrive at the desired place and when they come can do no more but tell them they left a relation alive but how long he hath continued so since is most uncertain men account themselves rich in relations when their propriety is so far removed that they serve only for contemplation and generation both which gives but a general no particular contentment it is otherwise among friends they cannot satisfie themselves in contemplation fruition is that which compleats their felicity Friends are like the turtles they never associate themselves with other
without which Friendship is very imperfect and but a lame attainment nor can there be that familiar converse and intimacy necessary to this concern without reflections if not temptations should I enter into this argument I might finde enough to say but I judge it neither grateful nor expedient Let those that are concerned inform themselves from the inconveniences that daily accrue upon such adventures they need go no further then common experience and observation to fatisfie their curiosity The fourth inequality to be avoided is that of Religion if there be a confluence of all other requisites and there be no harmony and agreement here the Friendship will be short lived nothing do more unite or divide persons then Religion if they agree in principles religion wonderfully strengthens the Frendship and engages their hearts one towards another and this must needs be so for if men agree in things of the greatest consequence it is likely they may accord in things less considerable It is observed that no differences are so great as those occasioned by religion and no spirits so bitter and inexorable as such as are by disputes in Religion exasperated how hardly are small dissentings in Religion though but in one single point composed what difficulty then must there needs be in reducing those to compliance that differ in substantial points in the doctrine as well as in the manner of worship and if this be not done the Frendship will be uncertain I grant there may be some circumstantial dissenting among friends and no great prejudice thereby because those may be argued with indifference and moderation and a reconciliation is not impossible but very probable because in this case the best reason carries it but in substantial points the matter is not so soon done Matter of Faith seems too sacred to submit to the best reason while conscience remains unsatisfied who though misguided and led by examples and custome that have no foundation in the word of God the most infallible rule yet these shall have such influences upon the seduced conscience that they will not give place to the most infallible and divine truths and having made the first impression will pleade their propriety and oppose it against the commands of divine justice there is much arguing in this case little yielding and compliance when men are tainted with corrupt principles arguing may beget disgusts and heats and ingage the passions and set them all a quarrelling and winde up the differences to such heights as will admit of no pacifying arguments this is plainly proved by common experience witness the Church of Rome and the Reformed Churches what vast endeavours has there been for an accomodation but with no success the animosity grows higher and a reconciliation more impossible as is evident by the vast treasures that have been expended and effusion of bloud that hath been spilt and is still shedding Look a little nearer even among our selves where the dissentings are not so universal and we shall finde much vexation and trouble Is it not observable that persons that have lived and conversed together a great while have at last parted and no cause visible appearing there seems to be a twofold reason for this First from the difference in opinion which prevails so over the passions that love the master-affection which for some time hath preserved unity has now changed its property and by accident occasions the greatest quarrel had men no religion they would not be so liable to dissentions there being no cause for dispute they were equal in such a condition I had almost said equally unhappy but it may be supposed that prudence may do much to compose things it may keep in the fire a while but not long it will at last break out into a flame nothing more common then for men to be great friends while neuters in religion but if either come to be sincerely pious they fall a quarrelling presently it is not the religion that doth it but the contrariety of the one against the Religion of the other if a man loves his friend he cannot see him walking in ways of death and not reprove him and that smartly and this cannot be born what amity can continue where there can be no arguing without quarelling no reproof without retorting now friends begin to treat one the other with suspision and absent themselves from that equal conversation and intimacy which first made the amity and must still preserve it Secondly the efficacy of piety and religion it self insensibly loosens the knot of this alliance because the one cannot bear the convictions and restraints that will be laid on him by the other which though not by designe and intentially but by example and accidentally will be very severe and confining to his extravagant temper I have read a story of a young gallant who had a pious Father that had given him many admonitions but he little minding the counsel and example of his father became vilely vicious and when he intended to drink to excess or be any other way debauched in the room where the effiges of his dead father hung he would first draw a curtain before the picture saying he could not be frolick while he saw any thing of his father who had so often reproved him such convictions attended him I shall only add that in all alliances religion if sincere is the surest tie nothing we enjoy can be constant and durable without this this is the fruit of the tree of life which if we feed on will make our comforts not onely long lasting but our happiness everlasting Lastly the inequality of relations comes to be considered but before I proceed give me leave to take notice of an objection which seems ready to assault me at my first entrance into this part of the discourse and that is that I have endeavoured all along to confine friendship and limit it to a moral capacity and so have excluded relations which in truth are more capable receptive of it there are three relations especially that make this challenge Father and Son Husband and Wife and Brethren Pray give me leave to leade these Objectors into the nature of these relations and there they will satisfie themselves of the invalidity of this splendid scruple which is more in shew then in substance To begin with the first namely Father and Son this relation is so far from equality that it intends and commands the contrary it is a composition of disparity which is so natural to the relation that it can neither have a being nor well-being without it Instance the power and authority of the Father which can never be lessened the fear and duty of the Son which cannot be excused a father is much more bound in this relation then any other superiour for they may sometimes dispence with their propriety in this regard without prejudice to themselves and with advantage to the inferiour but a parent cannot abate any of his just authority but