that of one Philip of Padua He being the Son of a rich and noble Father fervently loved a wanton Woman of extraordinary Beauty from whose love he could not be withdrawn by the authority and kindness of his Father when his Father observed these things with the great hazard of his Sons reputation he resolved to apply a Remedy to his Distemper he hires that mercenary unchaste Woman addicted to venereal pleasures keeps her at home with his Son the wretched young man lodges with her embraces her and for some daies injoyes that sensual pleasure which he accounted the chief and only good not long after when satiety began to asswage his unlawful love and he began to disdain her with a greater freedom that which he was wont to love so ardently in her he despiseth and by little and little the youth recovered and was freed by the care of his Father from that cruel and furious distemper What happiness can we expect in a Wife if beauty alone shall attract our affections to her to whom worth and the society of a comfortable life should unite us Truly we can hope for no better success than Menelaus had with Helen or if we observe fables Vulcan with Venus or Minos with Pasiphae or Theseus with Phaedra or that I may look homeward Claudius Caesar with Messalina But why should I with many words so long insist upon these things as concerning obscure matters let us love fair Wives if they be correspondent in other things that the Nuptials may be delightful to us honourable and advantageous to our Posterity CHAP. VI. Concerning the Riches of a Wife to be chosen I Have sufficiently discoursed concerning Manners Age Extraction and Beauty furthermore according to our purpose we shall speak a few things which seem not impertinent to this matter concerning Riches which is the remaining part to be treated of in the choice of a Wife Since therefore we pursue all things which appertain to the Honour and Ornament of Wedlock and to the plenty wealth riches and conveniences of life we must be careful of our honour and profit which produce gratitude liberality and magnificence in which truly the greatest splendour of Vertue consists Although we may be liberal by the inclinations of a grateful mind yet even as Emperours Orators and Physicians we shall not seem highly praise-worthy unless we manifest our desires by our actions Wherefore Riches are useful for many things for we may give to every one according to their desert and bestow much upon our Neighbours and Friends whereby we shall fortifie our Children with the riches assistance and love of those to whom we have been liberal for Parents are remarked and loved in their Children and no duty should seem more honourable than Gratitude wherein whoever is voluntarily deficient he must necessarily be impious against the immortal God his Country Parents Kindred and Friends finally he offends against all those by whose bounty he being obliged is neither thankful to them nor remunerates them Whence very nobly by the Persian Laws ingrateful Persons were severely punished for as Herodotus relates they accounted it the greatest fault to lye but the next to be indebted Why not They rightly conceived that he who was not ashamed to owe to another would both often erre against the duty of a good man in many things and deceive him and lye most often Therefore we should so highly value Riches which although we our selves have little need of yet the most honourable use thereof most largely extends to our Friends and to all sorts of Persons Alexander sent a great deal of Gold to that excellent person Phocion that most severe and most constant person refused the Gift because he had no need of that Money Afterwards he was asked whether he had no Friends whom the society of their most noble Studies and similitude of life had joined to himself it being most equitable that he should be bountiful and liberal to them but you may see O Phocion what you have determined of your self Indeed the almost incredible Riches of Darius scarce sufficed Alexander liberally to relieve their Fortunes whose worth was dear to him This will be a great advantage to your Children that which should be esteemed most noble generous young men should be instructed and taught excellent Studies and Arts wherewith being endued they may become Children worthy of those renowned Persons their Parents and may render their Ancestors more illustrious Which since it is so we must be diligently careful of our wealth lest we be judged and thought by them who envy us to have ill provided for our Profit and Honour But as if Wine be mingled with Water and if there be the greater part and portion of the Water than of the Wine yet we call it Wine so we term Plenty and Riches the Husbands not the Wives although the woman brought the greater and more valuable part thereof although I think he most consults his own interest not who accumulates the most to but who makes the best provision for his Family concerns Moreover as the Physicians assert it is necessary to our perfect health that moisture be dispersed through all the parts of the body so we instruct them who marry that they should unite not Money whereof we speak but Minds and Friends and mutual Relations one to another wherefore it was enacted by the Roman Laws that the Man and Wife should not receive any Gifts of each other that they might be assured that nothing was peculiar but all things common to each other whereby the domestick Affairs might be managed with a greater care diligence and faithfulness That of Dion to Dionysius is true Every one is more diligent in his own than in others concerns Whence wisely Princes are wonted to be admonished to consider that their Cities are their Houses their Citizens their Children and themselves the Prefects of their Family that they may provide for the safety and welfare of those Concerns over which they preside by care judgment industry and vigilance and desire their felicity But of these things hitherto I would our Age had happened in that time in which Youth had been to be taught not untaught that it should not greatly esteem Riches and Money in Wedlock truly the society and union of men had been best preserved But the most even from their infancy are so inclined and instructed to a vain hope of lucre that they will omit nothing which they can endeavour or perform by labour and perils that they think can contribute to this their servile avarice Wherefore I resolved not to incite nor inflame the Youth of our Age highly to value Riches with Wives but rather to exhort them if their Estates will permit to deliberate hereof even as I have written after all other things I fear I have offended very many but yet I will speak what I think I cannot enough blame those who by how much the richer they are so much more earnestly they
to all living Creatures which bring forth and hath given them Breasts like overflowing Fountains by which the young one being nourished may by degrees be augmented and corroborated in the Parts of its Body she hath also therefore given them two Paps that if they brought forth Twins they might easily suckle and nourish them together which things although they are transacted with great wisdom yet they would seem done in vain if she had not Implanted in them a certain stupendious love and affection to their Issue Where the peculiar care and diligence of Nature may be observed for whereas she hath placed other Creatures Paps under their Bellies she hath so affixed Womens Breasts to their Bosoms that they might both suckle them with their Milk and cherish them with their embraces and easily and conveniently kiss them and as it is said receive them into their Bosoms for so she hath assigned to them the capacity of bringing forth and the duty of education not only of necessity but of her singular love and good will that which we perceive in the terrible Bear and savage Beasts is also a great argument if they would imitate them to induce Women to employ their greatest care in adorning their Childrenâ— who after she hath brought forth her mishapen Cub formeth and polisheth it with her Tongue as it were with some Instrument so that she may most rightly be termed not only the Dam of the Cub but also the Artificer Why should we insist upon these small matters Nature concedeth so great a love to Issue that we may perceive Brutes which of themselves are fearful hereby become most bold and those which were negligent most subtle and those which were greedy most sparing Did not also the Bird in Homer suffer hunger that it might provide food for its young ones and to supply them defrauded its own Belly Therefore Mothers will deserve grievous reproaches if they neglect the care of their Children and live carelesly I would have them to refuse no pains to obtain most excellent associates assistants and comforters in their old age therefore if Mothers would be innocent they should not neglect their Children but that they may provide for their Souls and Bodies they should cherish them and suckle them whom being unknown they nourished with their own Blood being now born now Men and Women now known now dear and they should themselves as well as they could educate them it is not only the duty of a Nurse but also of a careful Mother The Wife of Marcus Cato the Censor suckled her Infant with her own Milk which Custome continueth among the Roman Women even to this Age. Moreover because a Society in Meat and Drink increaseth love and friendship that she might render the Children of her Servants well affected to her Infant she sometimes gave them suck whom we desire and exhort the best Wâ—men to imitate especially since it is highly important that in whose Womb and of whose Blood the Inâ—ant was conceived it should also by her be nourished for no nourishment seems more fit none more wholsome than that the same aliment which is endued with much heat and vigour and which is a known aâ—d familiar Food should be given to the Children whose efficacie is such that in the forming the properties of the Body and Mind it is almost equivalent to the Virtue of the spermatick faculty this is evidently perceived in many things Kids being suckled with Sheeps Milk their Hair will by degrees become more soft but if Lambs be suckled by Goats it is certain that their Fleeces will become more rough In Trees it is certain that there is a greater efficacy both in the Sap and Soil than in Children for although they be pleasant and chearful yet if they be removed to anothers Lap you may observe them much endamaged and greatly changed by the Milk of the Nurse Therefore noble Women should endeavour to sucklâ— their Children left the aliment of a worse and engrafted Milk should cause them to degenerate â—ut if as it often happens the Mothers cannot for just causes suckle their Children they should think that they should take and substitute in their Office Nurses not Slaves nor strangers nor drunken nor unchaste Women but them who are free born well humoured and endued with curious Language lest the young Infant should imbibe corrupt manners and words and with the very Milk sucking turpitude errours and impure infirmities it should by a degenerate body and mind be infected with pernicious contagions for as the Joints of an Infant may be rightly formed and joined together so from their Childhood their Manners may be exactly and aptly composed therefore they should be curious in the choice of Nurses this age and this as yet pliant mind is most easie to fashion for as we Imprint a Seal upon soft Wax so the dispositions and distempers of the Nurse are wont to be Engraven upon Children whose inclination and nature how prevalent it is that most prudent Poet Maro demonstrates who relateth that Dido â—erming Aeneas not only fierce but cruel said The Hircanian Tygers gave you suck also that most pleasant Poet Theocritus complaineth of the same detesting the cruel Cupid not because he was born of his Mother Venus but because he had sucked the Paps of a Lioness Wherefore they should think it best and very decent and commendable to suckle their Children whom they should nourish with great love faithfulness and diligence or to commit this part of their duty to well instructed Nurses who may esteem and love them not with a feigned and mernary diligence After they have passed their infancy the mothers should imploy their Wit Care and endeavour to qualifie them with excellent endowments of mind and body first they should teach them their duty to the immortal God to their Country and Parents that they may accustom them from their infancie to relish that which is the Foundation of other virtues they will approve themselves to be the most hopeful who fear God obey the Laws honour their Parents reverence their Superiours are affable to their Equals and courteous to their Inferiours therefore they should entertain all men with a civil aspect countenance and finally obliging words but they should most familiarly converse with the best Persons they should so learn Temperance in Meat and Drink that they may lay as it were the foundation of Abstinence for their future Lives Mothers should admonish them to avoid those Pleasures which are dishonourable Children should apply their endeavour mind and thoughts to these things which may be ornamental useful and delightful in greater matters If Mothers instruct their Children in these things they will much better and more easily obtain the assistances of Learning Oftentimes we see the Commands and Gifts of Princes most welcom to their Subjects although yet the same proceeding from private Persons scarce seem acceptable Who is ignorant how much authority the mild and jejune speech of a Parent
LICENSED Novemh 3. 1676. Roger L'Estrange DIRECTIONS FOR LOVE AND MARRIAGE In two Books Written Originally by Franciscus Barbarus a Venetian Senator And now Translated into English by a Person of Quality LONDON Printed for John Leigh at the Bell and Tho. Burrell at the Golden-Ball under St. Dunstans Church in Fleetstreet 1677. TO THE READER Reader TReatises of this nature perhaps may not be very welcome to some who too much inclining to the licentious humour of this depraved Age decry Marriage as a restraint upon their Liberty Their more refined wits scorning to tread one step in the beaten paths of their wiser Ancestors and utterly explode that which all Nations and all Ages the wisest Men and even God himself hath allowed as sacred Though I fear it will not please some yet I hope it may not be unseasonable to prevent others from adhering to see pernitions and impolitick an opinion This Treatise was first written in Italian and so well liked of that it was translated into Latine and printed in Holland where it hath gained an Universal Applause It is now at last translated for the benefit of the English Reader from the generality of whom it hopes for a favourable reception The Table of the Chapters of the first Book Concerning the Endowments of a Wife CHAP. I. WHat Wedlock is and what are its advantages CHAP. II. With what qualifications and manners a Wife should be chosen CHAP. III. Concerning the Age of a Wife to be chosen CHAP. IV. Concerning the Nobility of a Wife to be chosen CHAP. V. Concerning the Beauty of a Wife to be chosen CHAP. VI. Concerning the Riches of a Wife to be chosen CHAP. VII Concerning the importance of time and of other things to change our purposes CHAP. VIII Concerning Nuptial Solemnities The Table of the Chapters of the second Book Concerning the Duty of a Wife CHAP. I. Concerning Gonjugal Love CHAP. II. Concerning the moderation of a Wife CHAP. III. Concerning the speech and silence of Women CHAP. IV. Concerning the Apparel and Attire of a Wife CHAP. V. Concerning the Food of a Wife CHAP. VI. Concerning the regulation of Congress CHAP. VII Concerning Domestick care CHAP. VIII Concerning the Education of Children DIRECTIONS FOR Love and Marriage BOOK I. CHAP. I. What Wedlock is and what are its advantages I Shall first treat of a few things before I begin to discourse concerning the choice and duty of a Wife First I purpose to define in this place what Wedlock is that after the Example of Learned Persons it may in the beginning be understood what will be the Subject of our future Discourse For so the Sum of the Matter being known we may more easily and rightly judge of the rest Wedlock is therefore a perpetual Conjunction of Man and Wife lawfully instituted for the propagating of Issue or avoiding Fornication whereof there have been many and divers Opinions It would be tedious to enquire and to argue which of these is the true but the Opinion as well of the Eminent Pagans as of the Christians which by the consent of almost all Men is accounted praise-worthy seems better to me For the Romans that the City might be replenished with Legitimate Issue enacted that those who lived a single Life until old Age should be obliged to pay Money called Mulcts into the Treasury for they would follow Nature it self by which a desire of Congress for Procreation sake is communicated to every kind of Animals and which accounts her happiness to consist in those which are Procreated For the Sense of Generation also is apparent in Beasts For truly that I be not tedious in speaking of other things we all see a desire in Birds of building their Nests in which is observable a certain Representation of Wedlock to beget and nourish their like By this means even as the Body is nourished by Meat so the Offspring of Men and Beasts is perpetuated Lycurgus by whose excellent Laws the Republick of the Lacedemonians flourished but being neglected was overthrown hath branded them with Ignominy who continued their Celibacy thirty seven years and he prohibited them who as yet had not attained the Nuptial State to appear at the Wrestling-Schools that they being inflamed with a desire either of shunning Reproach or by the nobleness of the Reward the City might become greater and more glorious with Free-men Wherefore a certain young Man who for his honour sake departed not from the Theatre did very wittily apply this saying to Calicla the famous Emperour who had no Children at Lacedaemon where was the honourable Harbour of his old Age Neither have you O Calicla begotten me to depart It hath been experienced that by Legitimate Marriages Children are more disposed by Birth to honesty more gravely educated and become better Citizens of whom the City consisting will be more acceptable to its Friends in Justice more terrible to its Enemies in Valour For Experience that Mistress hath made it most evident that those who are unlawfully and intemperately Begotten for the most part are flagitious and dishonest and more propense to wickedness The Lustre of their paternal glory does not permit them who are Legitimately born to be obscure who are sensible that the Trophees of their Parents brings more Burden than Honour unless their own Virtue correspond to the Dignity and Amplitude of their Ancestors Neither truly are they ignorant that expectation and as it were the repetition of Hereditary Virtue turns the Eyes of all upon themselves So we may term those who are Born to Repute The Walls of a City When a certain Person complained Agesilaus being present that Lacedaemon wanted Walls he said O ye Gods grant better things Our City it self is its own strongest Wall For indeed it is fit that we preserve and defend our Country Gods Houshold-Gods Altars Houses Parents Wives and Children not by Wood or Brick but by Valour What also is more pleasant than to prevent a common want by domestick care and to have a chaste Woman who may be a sociable and friendly Wife in prosperous and adverse Affairs To whom you may disclose your most secret thoughts concerning her Affairs To whom you may commit your little and mutual Children In whose speech and pleasantness you may lay aside all your cares and griefs Whom you may so love that you esteem some part of your Life included in her welfare Cato the Censor thought that there was so much Respect and Veneration due to this state that whosoever should offer violence to his Wife he publickly affirmed was equally to be prosecuted and detested with the violators of the Images of the Goddesses and it 's related that he was wont to say that he thought it more difficult to be a good Husband than to be a good Senator By this tye Cadusius reconciled the most seditious Carians amongst themselves by this alliance Cyrus appeased the Chaldeans that were at enmity with their Borderers and at Rome in the same day the Sabins
the discourse love and delight of all Men for at the Rape of the Sabines a certain most excellent Virgin although she was preserved by his Authority was snatch'd away from him by his almost unknown Companions but the amiable and popular commemoration of Thalassius delivered her from that imminent peril with whom when he was happily married the Custom of invocating him was introduced in Nuptials Therefore that my discourse may return from whence I digressed there is such an efficacy such an union in this Nuptial Compact that the illustrious duty to Parents is obscured by the splendour of this alliance for the husband may as well by the Authority of the Ancients as of our Religion so confine his Affections to the love of his wife that others being omitted he may esteem delight in and please her Hither refers that most grave witness Homer who asserts that Hector although he could undauntedly sustain the loss of his Parents Brethren and lastly of his Country yet he could not bear the thoughts of the future dangers of Andromache his well deserving wife Herein Barbarus that most valiant Hero is so meek and so mild that verily he may be thought to have been another person For being exalted with the glory of his past actions he anxiously pensively and sadly complained nothing concerning his own many things concerning the event of his wife Therefore lest I be tedious we will acquiesce in this one Example for truly the frequent and many more than I wish Examples hereof every where which are often unworthily compacted do asperse the Authors with many stains of infamy I omit now the Garlands wherewith both the Spouse and the Postâ— were wont to be adorned I now pass by the Furniture and other Preparations which as herein I do not disapprove so I judge them accommodated to magnificence It was a Custom that those Fingers of the wife should be adorned with Gold Rings which were next to the little Fingers of the left hand whence it is believed that they are called Ring Fingers that it might be a perpetual monument before their Eyes of great love to their Husbands for from those Fingers as some Authors affirm some particular Nerves extend themselves to the heart It was a Custom that water and fire should be carried before the Bride and that she should touch them both that it might be evident that the wife was chiefly for the sake of propagation of Issue for as heat and moisture which excel in those Elements are the causes of Generation so the union of man and woman is chiefly introduced for the propagation of Issue Brides are wont to be careful lest they should touch their Husbands Threshold with their Feet but they enter being carried over that they may signifie that they lose their sollicited Virginity not voluntarily but in a manner by compulsion wherefore among those Ancients it was not lawful that Virgins should be espoused as well on certain days as also on all the Calends dedicated to Janus because a violence in a manner seemed to be done to them which then was a hainous offence yet at these times no Religion prohibited the Marriages of Widow because as Verrius Flaccus asserts we may on Holy-days scour old Ditches but we may not make new The ignorant Heathens have dedicated the Threshold to Janus who lest in the first access he should seem as it were to be spurned and neglected it was the Custom to be lifted over not to go over the Threshold Also on Holy-days wherein the multitude of people were entertained with Lupercal or Megalensian or Circensian Sports or with some other spectacle the Marriages of Virgins were prohibited but they were permitted to Widows Some think that this was chiefly instituted for this reason that Virgins might observe those days remembring that the Sabines were ravished upon a day of Sports which matter attracted much dishonour and was the beginning of a grievous and perillous War But it was not prohibited to Widows or to them who were divorced for they had no cause to blush if their former Husbands being either dead or living all the people were absent being attentive in the Theatre whilst they celebrated their Nuptials It is expedient if our Estates will permit that our Marriages be splendid neither should we deprive them of this part of praise for many worthy persons have applauded Banquets and the Sports of Gladiators and the preparations of Pastimes for the people with which Theophrastus was so pleased that he termed the Expences of this sort which appertained to the entertainment of the multitude the most delightful product of riches Why should I now mention Q Mulius C. Appius Hortensius Syllanus P. Lentulus Scaurus Pompey those Crassus's and Lucilius's who delightfully ended the Curule Office with the most magnificent Festivals and Solemnities which yet have been and are reproved by many most grave persons But I can find none who disapprove the splendour of Nuptials many who approve it Aristotle that most learned person who is wont to be stiled the principal and chief of the Philosophers in those Books which he hath written concerning Manners approveth this kind of magnificence even in the best men That excellent person and most famous Philosopher Manuel Chrysoloras espoused to a Wife his most learned Nephew and that most excellent Gentleman John for whose Nuptials when there was a most splendid preparation and therefore the dignity of that grave Philosopher was reproached by one of his Familiars he said O ye Gods grant better things it is permitted us to be magnificently joyful in the most delightful things and unless we be injurious to our Neighbours that splendour which is suitable to the dignity of our Family can no where be omitted Why should we say more the matter it self which always avails most speaks for it self and needeth not a longer discourse But large Banquets which elsewhere are disapproved here they are not disliked Moreover we know that the Custom of the Sabines was to introduce pleasant discourse that no occasion may be omitted of exhilarating body and mind for the same reason Stage-Players were admitted who were so much esteemed in the City of Rome that all the Masters of that Art being dead they sent for Players out of Hetruria that most flourishing Province of Italy of whom he who was the eldest and most skilful in his Art was called Histrus as Claudius Ruffus relates from whom afterwards all the other were termed Histriones as the Epicureans Pythagoreans and Gnathons are so nominated from their Authors It is most certain that Neighbours and Kindred were invited to Marriages both in the former and our Age that all to whom either the honour or the pleasure of the Nuptials should extend might rejoice with them Solon one of the seven Wise men instituted that when a Wife is joined to her Husband she should eat a Quince that he might in a manner signifie that the sweet voice and pleasant speech of the Wife should
if she shall see me almost Shipwracked whilst in the mean time she Sailing with prosperous Winds securely casts Anchor in my Marriage-Bed Euripides according to his Custome severely chideth them who at Supper were accustomed to use a Harp for that sound is apt to incite anger and sadness rather than to recreate them who are pleasant so I may blame those Wives who although when aâ— amity and concord they often sleep with their Husbands yet anger intervening they lye asunder and reject conjugal embraces by the delectableness and artifice whereof they might easily be reconciled Juno in Homer to whose care the Nuptial ties are committed signifies the same for if I well remember when she spoke of Thetis and Oceanus she professed that she would compose their differences and unite them by love and mutual embraces But at Rome when any difference arose between Husband and Wife they entred into the Temple of the appeasing Goddess where the Spectators being withdrawn having discoursed together freely they returned home in concord it conduceth to domestick care and peace if a Wife shall preserve the love of her Husband with singular diligence When Gorgias Leontinus made an Oration concerning the reconciliation of the Grecians in the Olympick Games which were celebrated with the concourse of all Greece to the most great and most worthy Jupiter Melanthus said That our Oratour endeavours to perswade us that we should all be reconciled by a League who yet cannot induce himself and his Wife and his Maid three only mutually to agree for his Wife was jealous because Gorgias wonderfully loved his Maid Philip was long displeased with Olympias and Alexander in the mean time Demaradus Corinthius returned out of Greece whom when Philip had diligently and earnestly asked concerning the agreement of the Grecians he said O Philip I esteem it a most dishonourable thing that you should manifestly evidence your care of the peace and concord of all Greece when as yet you are not reconciled to your Wife and Son therefore if any Woman desire to regulate her Children and Servants in the first place she should agree with her Husband lest she be thought willing to imitate that which she reproves in them that therefore by her duty she may take care for their mutual peace and perpetual repose she must chiefly regard this that she by no means disagree with her Husband But of these things hitherto CHAP. I. Concerning Conjugal Love NOW let us speak of conjugal love the great efficacy and dignity whereof as worthy Men assure us in a manner expresseth the Pattern of a perfect friendship wherein I shall pass by many things that I may speedily discourse what is chiefly to be observed therefore I would have a Woman love her Husband with so great delight faithfulness and affection that nothing of diligence love and good will may be absent and let her be so conversant with him that it may be most certain that nothing will be good to her nothing pleasant without her Husband indeed I conceive that Love it self will be the greatest assistance to this matter for in all things it is no better nor no shorter course to seem than to be How much labour how much industry is necessary for a slothful Husbandman to exhibit if he would seem skilful How much wit how many arts have unskilful Physitians horse-riders and harpers need of that they may seem to excel others if they would be employed in those things which they can least do For the most part many things happen whereby the eounterfeit praise of Agriculture Physick Horsmanship and Musick vanisheth these persons if they will take my advice shall more easily more speedily and more certainly attain a solid and express repute than if they shall suborn proclaimers of their ambitious and feigned praise and because in every respect truth overcomes imitation the Husbandman should take care to till his Field by art and labour the Physitian to heal the distempers of men the Horse-rider to manage his unruly Horses at his pleasure and the Musitian so to delight with his melody that nothing may be more sweet nothing more pleasant to the Ears wherefore if Wives desire to seem to love their Husbands cordially let them love them in their hearts Let them endeavour in the first place that their Husbands may clearly perceive them to be both pensive and joyful according to the various state of their affairs for both congratulation is pleasant in prosperous and consolation is acceptable in adverse affairs whatsoever things are troublesome to them so that they be worthy to be told to a prudent person let them mutually impart let them feign nothing let them dissemble nothing let them conceal nothing oftentimes sorrow and trouble of mind is mitigated by Counsel and Discourse which ought to be most pleasant with her Husband he in a manner participating and partaking of all the pressures and difficulties of all her anxieties will extinguish or alleviate them but if they shall be very grievous and more deeply fixed she should make a truce with her sorrows even so long as will be expedient for her to desire the private society of her Husband finally I would that Wives should so live with their Husbands that in a manner they might be of one mind and if it could be done as Pythagoras would have it in friendship that two should become one That this might more easily be effected the Cretenses who now for many Ages have been under our Dominion permitted their daughters to be married to none but those to whom the Virgins themselves had expressed signs of love for they believed that those would be more beloved by their Wives who were beloved even before the Nuptial Union for they affirm that it is appointed by Nature and approved by Custom that all actions besides a very few are done in a course of time for neither when we touch the fire are we presently burned nor doth wood thrown into the fire instantly flame wherefore they think it necessary for them that as in the loving of Friends so also in Husbands they should judiciously chuse the resemblance of their own minds for they believe that they can neither be rightly known nor ardently loved on a sudden Let them consider how much this Custom should be approved But truly it will not be denyed to be accommodated to the concord and constancy of love Neither may I pass by those in silence who by amorous Potions and love Inchantments extort their Husbands love whom I am wont to compare to Fishers who render the Fishes taken by poyson as they use to do in some places of Hetruria insipid and almost useless Also they seem like Travellers who had rather lead the blind than follow them who see Therefore mutual love should be diligently and voluntarily acquired preserved and augmented These things are illustrated by the lives and most noble actions of Women in the imitation whereof Panthia making tryal of her self and the
can neither argue nor refute nor well discourse Why should I say more The Poets report that very many by this matter chiefly have of Men become Swine Asses and Lions which that it may be avoided they must be so much more diligently careful because both by the stupidity of their wit and vacation from weighty Affairs as Aristotle evidenceth to us they are more propense to these kinds of Vices also the disposition of the Mother and the moderation of her life will be an aid to the Children to whom all these things for the greatest part are declared Therefore Diogenes very aptly when he beheld a drunken Boy said Drunken Parents begat you How much the education of a temperate Mother may avail them when born we will a little after discourse Therefore we ought to admonish and exhort our Wives to follow the instinct of Nature and to disesteem and reject sensual pleasures within whose Dominion Vertue can by no means consist and rather to approve and imitate the frugal Tables of Lucretia than the sumptuous delicacies of the Tarquins and of Cleopatra whereby they will provide for both their own honour and for their Children to whom they owe all things Now in its place we will briefly treat concerning Congress CHAP. VI. Concerning the regulation of Congress SO truly the matter is that what rules of meat and drink such a proportion of congress should in a manner be observed for truly congress it self followeth the rules of life as a young Chicken her dam and this may be unodrstood by many reasons and examples we cannot in this place begin more wisely and more aptly to the purpose of our discourse than from nature it self that we may briefly declare whatsoever we think First indeed because the union of Man and Wife as we have above said was chiefly ordain'd and ought to be esteemed for the sake of Children they must use conjugal embraces chiefly with the hope of propagating Issue we sufficiently understand and perceive what manner of nature there is in most Beasts which for this reason hath appointed them certain Laws of Congress that the mortal kinds of living creatures might in a manner be rendered immortal by a perpetual succession wherein they may be examples to us to whom a more free and noble desire is given that we should not mutually embrace for the sake of pleasure but of generating Issue wherefore we admonish that I may use the words of Julia the daughter of Augustus that when a Ship is full they admit no other passenger neither therefore should they think Beasts are chiefly upon that account Beasts because never when great with young but always for the sake of generation they exhibite their Venereal Appetites but if Women shall pass these limits even at least let them govern themselves so that they may be and be accounted modest in this part of moderation from which modesty is nominated to which matter we think it may chiefly conduce if at the first Husbands shall accustom them to seem to be helpers not of lust but of necessity but they should so evidence their Nuptial Honour and Modesty that in their congress decency may accompany their embraces lest by their avidity and immodesty they be both defective in their Honour and also less acceptable to their tacite Husbands Herodotus writes that Women lay aside their Modesty together with their inner garments if they embrace adulterers we plainly confess it but if their Husbands they will always observe a decency When a certain Woman was drawn by force from the presence of Philip because of her lust and fury she said every Woman if thou takest away the light is like and the same with others this may truly be said to adulterers but wives although the light be far removed should not make themselves like to vile Women What is it which Hesiod forbids to be absolutely disclosed in the night because as he saith the nights belong to the immortal Gods for a Wife ought at no time to be deficient in her duty and although her body cannot be beheld yet she should preserve a modesty in all places that she may deservedly seem well behaved to her Husband even in the dark Wherefore very excellently Commodus Caesar when his Wife endeavoured to perswade him to use unusual and disallowed pleasures with her answered How much it is fit to obey other Women in these things let them look to it a Wife certainly is a Name of honour not of pleasure Wherefore Cato the Censor ejected Manilius out of the Senate because he kissed his Wife in the presence of his Daughter If so be that it is most undecent to kiss a Wife or amorously embracâ— her in the presence of theiâ— Chilâ—râ—n how much more expedient is it that nothing immoderate nothing wanton should be offered before the Eyes of Husbands whom Wives ought chiefly to please Hieron fâ—ned Epicharmus the Comedian a great sum of Money because he publickly declared a certain undecent thing in the pâ—esence of his Wife for the dignity of Wedlock is so venerable that iâ— is fit no access should be apparent to the Eyes and Ears of Sâ—rangers The moderation of the Athenians demonstrated this excellent matter when they restored the intercepted Letters of Philip which he had wrote to Olympias inviolate for indeed they judged it unfit for Strangers or truly Enemies to partake of the secrets of a Wife It is meet therefore that they always be eareful and mindful concerning this matter hereby they may acquire praise triumphs and a Crown of Gold nothing should be so pleasant or delightful to them as ever to avert them from the duty of a modest mind Wherein since they may imitate many most illustrious women I know not whether Brasilla be most excellent whose noble enterprize ought not to be omitted in this Age for she being born of Noble Parents of Dyrrachium as it is asserted by approved Authors being taken in an Excursion of Enemies was in danger of being ravished this woman truly in that great peril purely and entirely preserved her chastity by her most beautiful aspect wit vertue and magnanimity for by many words she appeased the violence and restrained the fury of Cericus the Conquerour she undertook if he would defend her chastity instead of a Ransom by a certain Magick Oyntment to make him invulnerable by all military Arms this discourse of this noble and modest woman and his great esteem of Magick obtained his belief and he anxiously expected the event of the matter having placed Guards upon her whilst the generous Maid gathered some Roots then she magnanimously came to the Warriour and promiseth that she would make tryal not by words but by Herbs moreover when she had annointed his neck with the Juice she sheweth him his throat but Cericus as if he would be safely rash cuts off his head with his Sword and admired that testimony of her most chaste mind Why should I recite more They will neither want Examples
reconciled having laid by his Harp he managed those things with great diligence which unless they had been decent for the sake of Friendship or Hospitality scarce seemed fit for mean Servants But enough of these things forasmuch as we proposed briefly to recite but not to instruct in each particular especially because this Point is more diligently and more copiously discussed in the Discourses of Learned Men than I can now treat of it Wherefore we shall proceed to the remaining Matters It is meet now as we have promised to speak concerning Servants who if they be not neglected will be very ornamental profitable and delightful This will be so effected if they shall instruct them exactly nor be angry with them before they discover that they have offended after admonition I would have Wives imitate the Ring-leaders of the Bees as in a manner in other things so also in this part who suffer none to be slothful none negligent among them M. Cato the elder so diligently observed this Precept of domestick care that if he perceived that his Servants were deficient in the duty of good Men he presently sold those Servants although old and judged it by no means expedient to keep unprofitable Servants at his House Wives should believe it to be an honourable employment for them to make ignorant Maid servants skilful and to her whom by experience in lesser matters they observe to be endued with faithfulness and diligence they may dispose the custody of the Cellar And thrifty Persons should constantly search for and approve sober Caterers and receive them with courteous words and be bountiful to them that by these great kindnesses they might daily more earnestly excite their diligence They should allow such Food to their Servants as may be sufficient for their nature and their constant labour They should so handsomely Cloth their Servants that they might seem to have a regard to Nature Place and Time Furthermore according to the Opinion of Hesiod they should always beware of those Servants who cannot be separated from Children and Relations for of necessity they will nourish themselves together with theirs even by stealth Also they should think it a decent thing if any one of the Family be sick that the Person be taken care of with certain extraordinary diligence for this is a courtesie and civility by which they will make them all diligent in and desirous of the welfare of the Family which that we may return to the same Example we plainly perceive in Bees who never forsake their Ring-leader because of his great Providence for and care over them and always follow him wheresoever he goes with great indications of their good will to him This should not seem strange to any because also other Creatures are not deficient in an imitation of gratitude which evidently appears as well by very many others as by the next Example The Athenians in the Persian War that they might provide for their safety forsaking their Walls committed the Citizens to the Sea they hastily departing from the Shore the Dog of Xantippus the elder was grieved at his absence which he manifestly shewed by his running wagging his Tail howling and barking unless he went along with his Master therefore whilst he swimmed in the midst of the waves to his Masters Ship Xantippus who was flying stood still and received the sorrowful Dog Afterwards lest this matter which was worthy of remembrance should be forgotten when his Dog died he erected an honourable Sepulchre for him in a certain noble place which for a long time after was called Dogs-Grave that he might leave a perpetual Monument to Posterity of a mutual kindness to be preserved between Masters and Servants In this manner it will be most expedient that as in Military Affairs Legates Tribunes Centurions and in the City Pretors Treasurers and such kind of Magistrates have the government of peculiar matters that managing few things they may exactly perâ—orm their Offices so if Wives would take care of their Family-business they should so separate the Office of inspection from the employments of drudgery that it may be manifest what should be done by every one and what may be expected from them Unless each Persons place be assign'd him in a Ship all things will be tumultuous although no Tempest assail them We know that Heaven it self which is an appointed Mansion for us is composed with so great a concatenation of things that one part is linked to another and all are aptly fixed together By the strings of Harps if they be well tuned one Harmony is made of divers Notes than which nothing is more pleasant nothing more melodious to the Ears so if Wives shall appoint Stations to theis Concerns and Offices to their Servants they will perceive that those things will greatly conduce to their splendour and profit therefore as I have said before they should receive preserve and distribute with care prudence and decency those things which are brought home and they should most exactly perform whatsoever things may be set in order and meliorated by care and diligence that the dignity of their Family may be confirmed and increased But these things shall suffice CHAP. VIII Concerning the Education of Children THE education of Children the most commodious and by far the most important part of the Wifes duty remains Diligence in Family Affairs in the accumulation of Riches availeth in a manner nothing as that ancient Crates was wont to say unless a great care and a certain extraordinary industry be bestowed in the education and instruction of the Children to whom they are left by this matter also they are greatly obliged to their Parents to whom they owe all things by whom they must necessarily and truly seem deserted and forsaken unless their Parents shall perform the duty of maintaining and instructing them for truly we must acknowledge that all things are due to the Authors of our Life which naturally all Mortals desire and with great reason preserve What great things should we atchieve if a generous education shall accompany our noble birth wherein if you shall diligently consider all things in your mind and thoughts you may observe that if Mothers do not derogate from Nature it self the duty of education so appertaineth to them that they cannot refuse it without the violation of many duties for it in every respect denotes a propense love to their Children whom Nature doth not at all neglect which that it may be more evidently demonstrated I should now discourse concerning the Procreation of Children before their birth but time will not permit me to digress more largely and Nature it self hath so secluded and so obsconded those parts that those things which cannot be beheld without shame can scarce be discoursed of by us with honour But we will declare those things which cannot be omitted Nature it self carefully exhibits aliment to the Issue till it attaineth its appointed time of birth moreover Nature affords the nourishment of Milk
beareth with Children Wherefore that wise Cato the Elder that he might not be deficient in the duty of a Father to his Children he diligently taught them as well many other things as Literature Also the barbarous Eurydice seems worthy of great praise she being now ancient applied her self to Learning that Monument of Virtue and Discipline that she might not only be the Author of Life to her Children but that by her example she might leave to them many condiments of Liberal Sciences Mothers should often premonish their Children to restrain themselves from excessive Laughter and temerarious Speeches for that denotes Folly this Fury Moreover they should take heed that they do not ordinarily discourse of those things which are odious to act therefore they should restrain them from filthy and reproachful Speeches and if they shall speak any thing too licentiously and obscenely they should not receive it with mirth or a kiss but with a whip Furthermore they should instruct them not to upbraid any persons with their Poverty or ignominy of their Ancestors or other Calamities whereby they will both procure to themselves grievous enmities and imbibe a custom of arrogating They should teach them Sports in which they may so voluntarily undertake Labours that if occasion shall require they may more easily sustain those which are more grievous I would have Mothers to avoid in the presence of their Children anger avarice and concupiscence whereby vertue languisheth that from their infancy they may contemn shun and hate these most filthy seducers and that they may be greatly careful to reverence sacred Names and be afraid to revile them for whom being grown up will they not deride who at that age contemn the Divine Nature It is of so great importance to accustom them in their Childhood that they must especially admonish them to abstain from swearing Neither truly do they deserve belief who commonly swear even for the sake of the most vile matter and they who ordinarily swear oftentimes unwarily forswear themselves Mothers should accustome their Children to speak the truth this was most noble among the Persians and therefore they ordained that there should be no Markets of Merchandise among them for they believed it to be a place of lying and forswearing Mothers should teach them to speak little unless desired as well in other places as at Banquets lest which should be most estranged from that Age they should become impudent and talkative for it will be a hindrance to their knowledge if they pretend wisely to declare what they do not sufficiently comprehend therefore that was a witty saying of Cato who being then a young Man when he was blamed for his silence said It will not be at all troublesome to me untill I know those things which are unfit to be concealed If they shall learn many things of this kind from their Mothers as soon as their age will permit they may more happily and more easily acquire the gravity and discipline of their Parents There are many other things which because they are rather proper to Fathers I for the present omit and therefore the rather because I seem to see some who will term this our Precept of Wedlock immense and infinite which the Fathers of our Age can scarce sufficiently treat of there is nothing which I can more truly answer to these Persons than this truly I never intended to discuss what might be done but to declare what ought to be done Who is so unjust a Judge that if upon just causes even as you he shall approve Marriages and shall in the choice of a Wife receive a Woman excellent in Manners Age Extraction Beauty and Riches who is loving to her Husband who is modest and who is very skilfull in the management of domestick affairs who I say is so mistaken in affairs that he can hope for all these great things and can imagine that such Wives ought not to perform all greater matters Therefore O my Laurentius your equals should follow your Example with great diligence who have taken to Wife Zinebia a Virgin flourishing with Virtue Beauty a Noble Family and abundant Riches and in the imitation of you they ought to be animated For what more illustrious what more worthy Example can I propose than yours since you who are most worthy of your Father Grandfather and your most renowned Ancestors have chosen such a Wife in that most famous City of Italy Florence whose Riches indeed all Persons but whose continence faithfulness and prudence all good Men so highly esteem and admire that they think her blessed and happy in you alone and you fortunate and truly happy in such a Wife who because ye have obtained the most excellent and adorned conjugal qualifications they beseech the immortal God that ye may have the best Children and the most honourable Citizens of the Commonwealth These things perchance might seem inconsiderable because they are treated of by me if they were not in a manner recognized in your Nuptials so truly young persons following your example will profit more than if they only acquiesce in my writings for even as Laws are greatly advantageous to a City when it is known that an excellent Prince obeys them so since your Example also is consentaneous to our Precepts we hope that it will be imitated by young persons But O Laurentius as my discourse began so it shall be terminated in you You have now my opinion concerning Wedlock instead of a Present in which I hope whatsoever is said by me not to admonish you as I said at the first but to declare my affection to you will be kindly accepted by many but I certainly know that it will be favourably you in whose name I undertook this Tract If any thing perchance in these our little Commentaries shall occur to you in the reading which is wisely and learnedly written attribute it to that excellent person in all kind of praise Zacharias Trivisanus for I willingly commemorate him and to the Grecian Science out of which I have collected some things which pertains to this matter and have purposely inserted them here Having been scarce conversant a few Months in these things I seem to have gathered great and pleasant advantages Very great is the ingeny and diligence of that excellent and most learned Guarinus of Verona who being my Schoolmaster and loving Friend I am familiar with who was my conduct together with many of our most worthy persons both in the undertaking and beginning the study of the Liberal Sciences and he was such a Guide that by his assistance these noble studies to which I have applyed my self from my infancy are become much more profitable and pleasant to me Therefore you will willingly accept this as I may so call it the Wives Necklace from me in these your Marriages which I know that you will either therefore greatly esteem because it is of that sort that it cannot as other Necklaces may be broken and worn out by use