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A04816 The burthen of a loaden conscience: or the miserie of sinne set forth by the confession of a miserable sinner. Kilby, Richard, d. 1617. 1608 (1608) STC 14950; ESTC S100262 42,020 107

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finde fault with them If any thing seeme amisse pray humblie to God that he will mercifully cause it to be amended and doe you carefully endeuour to amende your owne selfe For it may be that your sinne is some part of cause why there is any want of grace in your gouernors This is your best waie and not to speake euill of those which are in authoritie as I haue wickedly done You must honour Archbishopps and Bishops and all Christs ministers as fathers For their office is to feede your soules specially the minister of the parish wherein you liue who in matter of saluation is as a mother to nurce you ●s 2.7 ●11 12 and as a father to traine you and teach you Haue alwaies a reuerent opinion of your minister for otherwise you shall greatly indanger your soules as I haue done If your heart be possessed with a dislike of your minister goe to some other Church to heare the seruice of God vntill you be in a better minde least the ill conceit of the minister make you to mistake and be distasted with that which he preacheth readeth or prayeth For then you should be in a fearefull case and the deuill woulde enter into you and make you loath the holy seruice of God Whiles you liue blesse your selfe from saying and doing any thing that may disable the minister of Christ Luk. 10. ● for that were to despice Christ himselfe If you saie he is thus and thus vnfit for his calling I answear as before if hee be so you are bounde to praie that he may be amended What warrant haue you to iudge Gods minister Take heede I was once a naughtie seruant and therefore doe intreat all seruants to honour them whose seruants they are as if they were their fathers and mothers reuerencing obeying and seruing them faithfully Blessed are all good seruants For whether their masters vse them well or no God will not faile to powre his blessing vpon them But he will surelie punish naughtie seruants and naughtie masters Honour all your friends and well willers for they are or would be as your parents meanes to preserue you Hate my barbarous propertie and neuer be vnkind to any that hath beene kind to you although he be turned from a friend to an enemie One vnkindnesse yea many times a false suspicion of vnkindnesse hath made me dishonour my kind freinds But if you will please God practise the contrary let not many vnkindnesses cause you to forget one kindnesse but let one kindnesse put many vnkindnesses quite out of mind Reuerence your elders and all that are in any gift or grace of God better then you for they are as fathers and mothers vnto you to doe you some good at least by example God made all people in his owne likenesse and their is none so low but that he may one way or other doe you good at least by excercising your patience if he be faultie or your enimie much more by praying for you if you giue him cause so to doe therefore honour all people euen your enemies And let your owne conuersation be wise vertuous least you doe as I haue done dishonouring God that made you your parens that brought you forth and norished you your gouernours that haue the ruling of you your freinds that fauour and further you for you doing euill are a discredit vnto them all yea if your behauiour be not good you dishonour all the world for if you doe respect them as Gods people ought to be respected you will be ashamed that any should see or heare euill of you All parents and bringers vp of children nurture them while they be young to feare God and honor you for so they will be framed to honour all others But if in fonde loue you make your children your fellowes or by ill behauiour cause them to thinke vnreuerently of you how can they kindly performe their dutie vnto you O that parents did so loue their children that their speciall care might be to make them lowely and louely to God and to all people O Lord Iesu I humbly beseech thee to say Amen I am a murderer in heart in tongue in outward works therefore euerlasting life is not in me my heart is full of vncharitablenesse readie to mislike any bodie to surmise euill of them and so to entertaine furious anger hellish hatred and all deadly enmitie my tongue is a sharpe sword wounding euen my freinds yea I am like a foole that blindfoldeth himselfe and hurteth he careth not whom when I conceaue that any is adversarie vnto me I spare no poyson but reuile him bitterly I haue murdered many with an euill eie enuying their prosperitie I haue stricken and flung at others with a murderous mind I haue caused quareling and fighting I haue caused some to loose the meanes whereby they liued I haue hindred others from obtaining helps of preseruing their life I haue greedily kept in store and vainely wasted that through the want whereof many poore haue pined with hunger and cold I haue indangered the saluation of others by ill example liuing among them as one infected with the plague yea many sinnes like plague sores breaking and running out cōtinualy All people take warning by me if you will not be guiltie of murder shunne all the causes and occasions thereof Doe not endure to take any dislike of man woman or child nor be too well conceited of your selfe for then you shall be apt to thinke ill of any bodie O that you knew into how many dangers you put your selfe when you begin to dislike or despise any bodie for euen as when your mouth is out of tast you cannot relish any thing be it neuer so good so if your mind be ill conceited of an other whatsoeuer he saieth or doeth you condemne it But you may say shall I not dislike such as I doe see and heare to be euill I answere first you may by sight and hearing take your tast amisse Luk. 18. as the Pharise did in disliking the publican whose heart was better liked of God then the Pharises that disliked him Secondly although an other be indeede so bad as you see and heare that he is yet you must dislike him none otherwise then for your owne sinnes you dislike your selfe Sorrie you are and much displeased with your sinnes if you be a true christian but yet you hate not your selfe you doe not raile vpon your selfe but louing your selfe you hide your faults So must you doe to others for if you loue them loue couereth a multitude of sinnes But if you hate any of Gods people you are a murderer 1. Ioh 3 therefore take heede Eph. 4.2 follow the counsell of the holy Ghost whatsoeuer cause is giuen you to be angry pacifie your selfe and let not wrath stay long in your heart least you entertaine the deuill who will fill you with hate and desire of reuenge If anie doe hurt you in
THE BVRTHEN OF a loaden conscience OR THE MISERIE OF SINNE Set forth by the confession of a miserable sinner Printed by CANTRELL LEGGE Printer to the Vniversitie of Cambridge 1608. To all Christened people I Knowing the great honor which Almightie God hath graciously giuen vnto you for you are his children his holy Ghost is in you doe therfore acknowledge my bounden dutie next after God vnto you and accordingly with humble reuerence dedicate this my Confession first to God then to you his deerely beloued children I wrote it in deadly disease of bodie and in dolefull trouble of minde my purpose was to glorifie God and to shew vnto all people the horrible bondage of sinne that they might plainly see it truly feare it and timely preuent it Herein if any shall thinke me ouer-harsh and too too plaine I beseech them to weigh in their conscience what it is to be at the doore of death and the gate of hell terrified with the sight of Gods wrathfull iudgement and in continuall danger of sudden death This is no time to couer or to colour my sinnes but to lay them open that it may please God mercifully to couer them To this ende I doe humbly craue your Christian furtherance in earnest praier to God for my confession and for me For my confession that it may prosper against sinne for my selfe that I may be deliuered out of hell and receiued into your heauenly companie I aske no more but to be the very lowest of all people that shal be saued Which if it shall please the blessed God through your praiers in Iesus Christ to vouchsafe vnto me most vnworthie then shall I be in good hope to liue and set forth an Hallelu-ia that you may praise God for his mercie his maruelous mercie towards you and me Then shall you know the poore sinners name that nowe beggeth the benefite of your praiers Hallowed be the name of God and his blessing be vpon Christened people men women and children for euermore Amen Thus I humbly take my leaue Iune 13. 1608. To the Printer IF any thing which I haue written doe seeme vnto godly learned men not likely to worke well for the destruction of sinne I desire that they will take the paines to amend it so as they will answer their doings therein vnto the Lord Iesus Christ when all purposes and causes shall be brought to light I protest before God that nothing be mitigated concerning me by turning I am into I was c. It is very needefull for a man to know what he is I know none but my selfe I iudge none but my selfe I intreat others to giue me leaue to iudge my selfe because I feare the iudgement of God and would perswade people to feare God that they may escape his iudgement and obtaine his mercie Amen Amen O good Lord Iesu for thy holy names sake say thou Amen The burthen of a loaden conscience ALl Christened people men women and children I sinfull sinner hauing by long and wofull experience found the miseries of sinne am desirous to confesse the same that others may see and speedily turne away from it Therefore I humbly beseech you that for Christs sake you will charitably read or heare this my confession VVHen I was a child and first began to vnderstand and speake then was the foundation laide of all my miserie Because I was not by and by entered into the faith and feare of God but the Deuill had leisure to take full possession of my heart Who so deepely seasoned me with sinne that I haue continued sinnefull euer since yea I am so hardened in wickednesse that although I feele death comming vpon me and may looke euerie houre when I shall suddenly die and be cast into hell fire yet I haue no power to turne vnto God Wherefore I beseech all people to take warning by me let it be your first and chiefest care to liue in the faith and feare of God Beleeue verily for it is most true you are alwaies in the sight of God Hee searcheth out your thoughts and affections he hearkneth to your words he vieweth your behauiour and writeth vp all in a booke with purpose to iudge you according to the practise of your life Beare this continually in minde and be afraide to displease God who shineth ouer your head with such a glorious brightnesse that if it were his pleasure to shewe himselfe openly to the world the sunne that shineth in the skie should be vtterly darkened and no earthly creature could remaine aliue by reason of the terrible sight of his almightie maiestie Blessed are you if ye haue the feare of God before your eies But you are in woefull case if you feare him not O all ye parents and bringers vp of children great is the account which you must make vnto God Therefore so soone as your children be able to vnderstand and speake accustome them to know and feare God Take good heede least the deuill get the first possession of your childrē for he knowing that is little ones are seasoned in the beginning so they are likely to sauour euer after will loose no time nor let passe any occasion to sowe his cursed seede in them This many parents and tutors of children doe little thinke of and therefore giue the deuill leaue to worke his will But doe you minde it and in the name of Christ kindely perswade your children to beleeue in God and to feare him oftentimes telling them what is good and what is naught and that the good commeth of God and naught frō the deuill and therefore if they will loue and practise goodnesse God will loue them and keepe them safe from the Deuill but if they loue and practise naughtinesse God will forsake them and leaue them to the Deuill Why doe so many teach little children to say and to doe that which angreth almightie God the silly children seeing their parents others so much delighted with euill 〈◊〉 setled in beleefe that it is good Thus the deuill is furthered in working the destruction of children But some sa● that vnlesse children be framed to mirthfull wantonnesse they will not prooue wittie To which I answere the children of God are wittie to saie and doe good the children of the deuill are wittie to say and doe euill nowe consider to whom you doe liken your children to God or to the deuill for like will to like Children giue great heede to that which they see or heare especially in their parents and gouernours therefore all people as you will answer to God be careful what you say or doe before children for they will thinke that they may safely say as you say and doe as you doe Let not childrē be much among seruants for many seruants loue to teach children that which is naught O ye godfathers and godmothers remember that you are bound vnto God for the good bringing vp of your god-children In the beginning of Christian religion people were
to marrie for mariage is an honourable calling and holy before God It is farre better to be maried and very poore with honestie then to be vnmaried and very rich with dishonestie If you meane to marrie pray vnto God that he will giue you grace well and wisely to gouerne and maintaine a maried life praie also that hee will match you with a godly wife And as you praie so practise by all good meanes to procure the blessings which you praie for Commending your selfe to the pleasure of God be well aduised before you make choise of a wife and when you haue once setled your minde let nothing cause you to repent or forsake your choise I had beene a married man and freed from the flames of lust but that I gaue eare to those that disliked the partie whome I had good cause to like and to loue notwithstanding whatsoeuer they could say against her I was accursed and therefore vnsteadfast in all good courses Beeing determined to marrie a woman hate the thought of making her your concubine before shee be your lawfull wife least God in great displeasure doe lay some one plague or an other vpon you O that you knew what a blessednes it is for a man and a woman to come into the Church before the face of God and his Angels there to be maried beeing both vndefiled I Haue beene a thiefe many waies when I was a child I remember I was giuen to steale apples and afterward I purloined diuers things yea money from my father and mother I bought things and neuer paied for them I did steale bookes and deceiued others by many shifts when I was put in trust to buie any thing for an other I made them beleeue that I paied more for it then indeede I did and commonly took vp much commodities for mine owne vse and left it vpon their reckoning whome I serued specially when I was a young scholler in the Vniversitie where I did much wrong my good friends When I bought any thing I made much adoe to get it better cheape then it was worth dispraising it and promising to helpe the seller to custome I haue bought things for halfe the worth of such as haue wanted money Contrariwise if I sold a thing I falsly praised and prized it at more then it was worth professing that I would not haue parted from it but for neede of money or for loue of the buier I haue made them paie extreamely that were earnest to buie any thing which I had If I found any thing I closely kept it to my selfe yea and sometimes I found things before they were lost Once one found certain monie who seeing me goe that waie thought it had beene mine and therefore gaue it me and I tooke it for mine owne although I lost none I haue taken reward for doing many things which I did not as I ought to haue done I haue not well rewarded many that did for me yea I haue diuers times done euill to them that did good to me In matter of reckoning when some haue not remembred so much as I owed vnto them I paied them according to their remēbrance and kept the residue to my selfe against my conscience I haue taken wages for schooling children and ministring in the Church but did not truly performe my dutie and therefore am a theefe I haue beene giuen to gaming and therein practised deceit which people doe call foule-plaie but before the face of God it is very theft I haue by faire words and pleasing promises gotten many things of others for which I made no recompence I haue set some to worke for me haue paid them too little for their paines I haue beene a broker to helpe one to get goods from an other once I was a meanes to make a man giue house and land from his kinred to an other In performing which worke I wrought with the deuill and practised much deceit I haue borowed things and either not restored them at all or not in so good sort as I receiued them I haue heartned some to trust others by whome they haue beene deceiued I haue many waies wasted and hurt the goods of other folke carelesly couetously and spitefully I haue oftentimes beene very partiall in question touching goods betweene partie and partie because I haue beene ill conceited of the one or well opinioned of the other or thought to be a gainer by the businesse I haue many waies counselled aided and concealed vnrightfulnesse By all these waies and many more which I can not remember Zach. 5.1 2 3 4. I haue beene a theefe and therefore the huge booke of Gods curses written against theeues doth take holde vpon me and will not leaue me till I be brought to naught O ye people of God for Christs sake be carefull to keepe your selues true and iust Doe not get so much as a pinne with an euill conscience for howsoeuer the deuill blindeth you yet one daie you shall see that all naughtie gaine will haue a naughtie end Practise no deceit nor crueltie in buying selling chopping changing borrowing lending gaming or any waie els for God will surely laie his vengeance vpon all that make any vniust gaine or diminish the goods of others Make no commoditie by any trade or practise that hindreth your neighbour or is against a common good Doe not take or hold from any that which in conscience is due vnto them for goods wrongfully gotten or kept from the right owner doe continually crie vnto God for iustice against you Therefore if you haue by any manner of meanes hurt hindred or diminished the good of any yeelde due recompence vpon true repentance to the partie wronged or if he be dead to his heires or if he be dead without heires or you cannot finde the partie to whome restitution is due giue it to the poore But if you haue no abilitie to make satisfaction confesse the wrong to the partie whome you haue wronged and praie him to forgiue and at least praie vnto God continually that he will plentifully recompence them whom you haue iniuried powring vpon them his blessings in bodie and soule If you thinke that Christs religion doth not require satisfaction of wrongs you are deceiued Luk. 19.8 for Zacheus instructed of Christ offered that if he had done wrong to any man he would giue to the partie wronged foure times so much as the dammage came to Therefore needes must single satisfaction be due a pennie for a pennie and a pound for a pounde If you ask whether I follow this lesson or no I answer my conscience doth tie me vnto it Therefore some satisfaction I haue made and some more by the grace of God I will make and that which I cannot doe thorough want of abilitie I must craue of God that he will supplie I doe not speake to honor my selfe but to glorifie God who is my iudge and to benefit you who are his people I haue paide twentie shillings at
because thou hast caused my friends to set me to schoole Good Lord I beseech the so to continue blesse me in learning that I may learne to doe my dutie to thee and to all thy people in what degree soeuer it shall please thee to place me through Iesus Christ thine onely sonne who with thee and the holy Ghost three persons and one God be honoured and praised in heart word and deede for euer and euer Amen Follow your schooling diligently and if it please God to giue you the gift to learne be glad and giue him thankes therefore but be not proud of it or if pride enter into your heart it will puffe you vp like a bladder although you proue marueilously learned yet in the end you shal be nothing but wind All scholers take heede of pride for it will make you like the Deuill and hatefull before God When you are allowed to plaie then plaie for it is healthfull to stir your bodies Practise no base and lewde pastime but exercise yourselues in some honest sport which may bring you into strength and abilitie At no time let any bad or beastly word come out of your mouth Delite not in vaine talk mocking or scorning for all such things are verie displeasing vnto God I went to the Vniuersitie verie rawe for I had fewe groundes of grammar and none of grace Therefore I spent much time in getting little learning but all maner af vice in me grewe vp and abounded I was vaine minded proude hearted busiheaded and full of a bitter peeuish contentious spirit Beeing poore I found great friendship and had good allowance of many but I was singularly negligent and vnthankfull vnto them My studie was to make great shewe of little learning and therefore I sought after fine choise words When I disputed with anie I was desirous to dismaie them with reprooches in stead of reasons and to that ende I had a written phrase-booke stuffed with taunting and biting speaches All schollers that goe to anie Vniuersitie take warning by me Be carefull to come thither well grounded in learning and vertue Giue yourselues to be sober humble quiet milde and peaceable Be diligent in your businesse duetifull to all people and verie thankfull to your friends These vertues will make you gracious in the sight of God Angells and men Be more carefull to get sounde learning for good vse then to stand vpon the shew of knowledge for it is a vainglorious follie Hunt not after curious minion tearmes whereof cometh no good but speake and write plaine ordinarie words for they that would seeme to be worde-wise are of graue and learned men accounted vnwise Pride and enuie are properties of the deuill and of all other sinnes most readie to waite vpon schollers Therefore take great heede of them If you be proude you are Lucifer high in your owne conceit and therefore shal be brought lowe euen downe into hell If you enuy the learning estimation and prosperitie of others you are Satan an enemie to the giftes of Gods grace Doe neuer dispraise anie nor quip any in your orations and speaches for it sheweth bitternesse which is very bad in a scholer When you argue or dispute publikely or priuately feare God and shunne snarling reproching and all furious behauiour Let your reasoning be as in the hearing and seeing of God and Angells calme amiable sweet and sober Whensoeuer you prepare any oration disputation or exercise of learning first humble your selfe before God crauing his mercie and grace that you may so performe it as best becōmeth a Christian scholler thereby to be fitted for the seruice of Iesus Christ in the Church or common wealth If any sinne reigne in you striue by all meanes to subdue it for where sinne reigneth there the Deuill dwelleth and the end of that man will be naught VVHen I had gotten a shadowe and outside of learning I left the Vniuersitie and tooke vpon me to be a schoolemaster God forgiue me I was a bad one for how could I frame children to godly learning beeing vngodly and ill learned I vndertooke to teach more then I had learned my selfe I was newfangled and negligent in teaching and yet tired and dulled my schollers by keeping them too long at their bookes and by fierce correction and cruell beating of them O ye schoole masters I pray you for the reuerence of God be well aduised The schooling of children is the nurcerie of christians therefore you ought to be learned and vertuous that you may traine your schollers to be the disciples of Christ The deuill will practise to make you his vnderschoolemasters that you may fit your schollers to be his seruants To preuent this danger you cannot be to carefull of your behauiour euery waie Take no more vpon you then you know your selfe able by the grace of God to performe followe the common waie of teaching commanded by authoritie It is to be wished that the Grammar for the latin tongue were one whole booke the rules in english the examples in latin Teach your schollers their lessons verie leasurely and plainely heare them their lessons mildely and patiently correct them for their faults merciefully and sparingly What man fearing God can find in his heart to play the tyrant among Gods tender children reuiling buffeting striking scourging and terrifying them with thundering speaches as if they were dogges yea limmes of the Deuill no man can with a safe conscience so cursedly vse a beast as I in word and deede haue vsed my schollers I praie God forgiue me and grant that no schoolmaster offend in that point Thinke with your selues how hatefull such rigorous vsage is to God and his holy Angels who haue the charge of children Frame your schollers by all meanes to feare God and to please him and then assure your selues that ouer and aboue whatsoeuer their fathers and friends giue vnto you he will giue you a rich reward It is not good to hold children too hard or too long at their bookes for their witts are tender and therefore ought to be gently vsed and often refreshed Our Lord Iesus Christ blesse all schoolemasters that they may know and doe their duties to the continuall increase of right Christian learning Amen I Presumed with all mine abominable vices to enter into the holy Ministerie and haue beene a professed minister of Christ that is a soule-keeper and a soule-feeder almost twelue yeares Iesu Christ forgiue me I tooke vpon me to preach neither vnderstanding the word of God nor indued with the power of godlines Therefore I haue indangered the saluation of many people euē as an ignorant and vnhonest physitian doth hazard the bodily life of them that take physicke by his appointment Although water in the spring head be pure and wholesome yet if it be caried from thence in an vncleane and poisoned vessell who can drinke it without daunger The word of God is in it selfe most pure and wholesome but my preaching hath defiled it with