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sincerity_n of_o our_o faith_n and_o repentance_n and_o holy_a obedience_n while_o we_o ascribe_v unto_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n what_o belang_v to_o he_o as_o our_o great_a highpriest_n all_o that_o be_v do_v by_o christ_n without_o we_o in_o order_n to_o our_o salvation_n may_v and_o aught_o to_o be_v distinguish_v from_o what_o be_v do_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n and_o his_o grace_n within_o we_o because_o there_o be_v a_o manifest_a difference_n between_o what_o cause_v our_o acceptance_n with_o god_n and_o that_o which_o be_v evidential_a of_o it_o in_o order_n to_o our_o own_o comfort_n his_o example_n in_o the_o strict_a observation_n of_o the_o lord_n day_n and_o conscientious_a faithfulness_n in_o his_o family-relation_n have_v be_v take_v notice_n of_o to_o the_o edification_n of_o many_o the_o
a_o title_n to_o heaven_n or_o that_o we_o have_v not_o but_o pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n with_o self-flattery_n nor_o from_o melancholy_a terror_n and_o fear_n one_a not_o with_o self-flattery_n alas_o what_o will_v it_o profit_v we_o to_o think_v ourselves_o the_o child_n of_o god_n when_o we_o visible_o express_v the_o power_n of_o sin_n and_o satan_n in_o our_o life_n two_o on_o the_o other_o side_n pass_v not_o this_o sentence_n from_o melancholy_a unbelief_n terror_n and_o fear_n as_o the_o carnal_a man_n fail_v the_o former_a way_n so_o the_o tempt_a christian_n sometime_o fail_v this_o way_n in_o this_o case_n run_v we_o over_o our_o evidence_n again_o and_o again_o and_o proceed_v we_o from_o those_o that_o be_v more_o difficult_a to_o those_o that_o be_v more_o easy_a one_o sign_n perhaps_o may_v be_v more_o easy_o perceive_v than_o another_o and_o if_o we_o can_v but_o discover_v some_o yea_o if_o but_o one_o we_o may_v assure_o gather_v all_o the_o rest_n be_v there_o come_v then_o pass_v on_o now_o to_o sentence_n o_o but_o implore_v the_o spirit_n be_v assistance_n now_o if_o ever_o let_v we_o desire_v he_o to_o shine_v on_o our_o grace_n and_o then_o speak_v ground_o and_o deliberate_o and_o true_o as_o we_o find_v according_a to_o our_o very_a conscience_n do_v not_o conclude_v as_o some_o do_v i_o be_o a_o good_a christian_a or_o as_o other_o do_v i_o be_o a_o reprobate_n or_o a_o hypocrite_n and_o shall_v be_v damn_v when_o we_o have_v no_o ground_n for_o what_o we_o say_v but_o our_o own_o fancy_n or_o hope_n or_o fear_n let_v not_o our_o judgement_n be_v any_o way_n biased_a or_o bribe_v from_o sentence_v aright_o then_o he_o further_o advise_v that_o we_o shall_v labour_v to_o get_v our_o heart_n kind_o affect_v with_o its_o discover_a condition_n according_a to_o the_o sentence_n pass_v on_o it_o do_v not_o think_v enough_o to_o know_v but_o labour_v to_o feel_v what_o god_n have_v make_v we_o to_o see_v if_o we_o find_v ourselves_o renew_v and_o sanctify_v indeed_o o_o let_v we_o get_v this_o warm_a and_o close_o to_o our_o heart_n bethink_v ourselves_o what_o a_o bless_a estate_n have_v the_o lord_n bring_v we_o into_o to_o be_v his_o child_n his_o friend_n to_o be_v pardon_v justify_v and_o entitle_v to_o life_n why_o what_o be_v it_o we_o now_o need_v to_o fear_v but_o sin_v against_o he_o come_v war_n or_o plague_n or_o sickness_n or_o death_n we_o be_v sure_o they_o can_v but_o thrust_v we_o into_o heaven_n thus_o let_v we_o follow_v these_o meditation_n till_o they_o have_v leave_v their_o impression_n on_o our_o heart_n then_o he_o advise_v to_o record_v this_o sentence_n so_o pass_v to_o write_v it_o down_o which_o now_o i_o desire_v to_o do_v this_o 18_o of_o august_n 1676._o have_v search_v and_o try_v my_o heart_n yesterday_o and_o at_o this_o time_n also_o after_o i_o hope_v earneft_v and_o hearty_a prayer_n to_o god_n for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o try_v my_o state_n and_o condition_n i_o do_v fall_v again_o to_o the_o work_n of_o self-trial_n by_o the_o forementioned_a particular_n and_o though_o i_o can_v full_o declare_v a_o positive_a answer_n to_o every_o question_n yet_o if_o my_o heart_n do_v not_o very_o much_o deceive_v i_o i_o can_v to_o most_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v i_o beg_v of_o god_n i_o may_v not_o be_v deceive_v it_o be_v some_o comfort_n to_o i_o where_o i_o can_v so_o full_o answer_v some_o of_o they_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o most_o hearty_o desire_v it_o may_v be_v so_o with_o i_o and_o though_o grace_n be_v very_o weak_a in_o i_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o desire_v to_o be_v humble_v and_o mourn_v for_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o deny_v god_n work_n in_o i_o i_o must_v not_o deny_v the_o day_n of_o small-thing_n but_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n must_v own_v sure_o there_o be_v something_o of_o good_a wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n and_o my_o comfort_n be_v christ_n will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n mat._n 12._o 20._o i_o be_o not_o now_o affect_v with_o the_o discovery_n of_o my_o condition_n as_o i_o shall_v and_o do_v not_o find_v at_o present_a inward_a comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o be_o and_o have_v be_v much_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n for_o a_o time_n by_o reason_n of_o my_o apostasy_n and_o backslide_n from_o he_o and_o not_o walk_v close_o with_o he_o yet_o i_o desire_v i_o hope_v to_o lament_v after_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o content_v myself_o till_o i_o again_o meet_v with_o he_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o wait_v on_o he_o in_o a_o way_n of_o duty_n and_o to_o act_v grace_n though_o i_o want_v comfort_n o_o if_o i_o be_o but_o sincere_a and_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o he_o may_v return_v with_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o maintain_v faith_n and_o hop_v through_o christ_n though_o i_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n yet_o to_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v myself_o on_o my_o god_n isa_n 50._o 10._o the_o lord_n help_v i_o now_o to_o walk_v answerable_a to_o the_o great_a thing_n he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o desire_v and_o hope_v i_o may_v have_v recourse_n to_o this_o hereafter_o as_o i_o shall_v have_v need_n and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v of_o comfort_n to_o i_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v as_o mr._n ambrose_n advise_v his_o word_n be_v this_o record_n will_v be_v very_o useful_a to_o we_o hereafter_o if_o we_o find_v we_o have_v a_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o we_o what_o a_o help_n will_v it_o be_v against_o the_o next_o temptation_n to_o doubt_v and_o fear_n to_o go_v and_o read_v under_o our_o hand_n this_o record_n may_v we_o not_o think_v if_o at_o such_o a_o time_n i_o find_v the_o truth_n of_o grace_n be_v it_o not_o likely_a to_o be_v now_o the_o same_o and_o these_o doubt_n to_o come_v from_o the_o enemy_n of_o my_o peace_n yet_o trust_v not_o so_o to_o one_o discovery_n as_o to_o try_v no_o more_o especial_o if_o we_o have_v make_v any_o soul_n defection_n from_o christ_n and_o play_v the_o backslider_n see_v then_o that_o we_o renew_v the_o search_n again_o neither_o let_v this_o hinder_v we_o in_o the_o daily_a search_n of_o our_o way_n or_o of_o our_o increase_n in_o grace_n and_o fellowship_n with_o christ_n it_o be_v a_o ill_a sign_n and_o a_o desperate_a vile_a sin_n for_o a_o man_n when_o he_o think_v he_o have_v find_v himself_o gracious_a and_o in_o a_o happy_a state_n to_o let_v down_o his_o watch_n and_o grow_v negligent_a of_o his_o heart_n and_o way_n and_o scarce_o look_v after_o they_o any_o more_o neither_o shall_v we_o give_v over_o in_o discouragement_n if_o we_o can_v at_o once_o or_o twice_o or_o ten_o time_n try_v discover_v our_o case_n but_o follow_v it_o on_o till_o we_o have_v discover_v it_o if_o one_o hour_n or_o day_n will_v not_o do_v take_v another_o if_o one_o minister_n can_v direct_v we_o sufficient_o go_v to_o another_o the_o issue_n will_v answer_v all_o our_o pain_n there_o be_v no_o sit_v down_o discourage_v in_o a_o work_n that_o must_v be_v do_v if_o we_o have_v be_v hypocrite_n or_o ungodly_a person_n all_o our_o life_n yet_o be_v the_o promise_v offer_v to_o we_o by_o christ_n and_o he_o tender_v himself_o to_o we_o to_o be_v our_o lord_n and_o saviour_n neither_o can_v we_o possible_o be_v so_o willing_a to_o accept_v he_o as_o he_o be_v to_o accept_v we_o nothing_o but_o our_o own_o unwillingness_n can_v keep_v our_o soul_n from_o christ_n though_o we_o have_v hitherto_o abuse_v he_o and_o dissemble_v with_o he_o o_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v persuade_v we_o to_o the_o close_a performance_n of_o this_o self-trying_a task_n that_o we_o may_v not_o tremble_v with_o horror_n of_o soul_n when_o the_o judge_n of_o all_o the_o world_n shall_v try_v we_o but_o have_v our_o evidence_n so_o ready_a at_o hand_n and_o be_v so_o able_a to_o prove_v our_o title_n to_o heaven_n that_o the_o thought_n and_o approach_v of_o death_n and_o judgement_n may_v revive_v our_o spirit_n and_o fill_v we_o with_o joy_n and_o not_o apale_fw-la we_o and_o fill_v we_o with_o amazement_n september_n the_o 19_o 1676._o find_v my_o heart_n very_o hard_a and_o dead_a of_o late_a and_o be_v still_o under_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o god_n but_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o hope_v sensible_a of_o it_o and_o desirous_a to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n and_o favour_n and_o to_o lament_v after_o he_o and_o seek_v he_o in_o his_o ordinance_n for_o i_o hope_v i_o can_v take_v up_o with_o duty_n without_o something_o
now_o make_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o this_o mercy_n of_o myself_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o think_v a_o good_a thought_n it_o be_v unlikely_a than_o i_o shall_v make_v any_o suitable_a return_n i_o have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o but_o sin_n and_o that_o be_v god_n enemy_n which_o he_o perfect_o hate_v i_o be_o not_o my_o own_o for_o i_o be_o buy_v with_o a_o price_n therefore_o if_o i_o give_v myself_o to_o he_o it_o be_v but_o that_o which_o be_v his_o own_o before_o yet_o this_o will_v i_o do_v because_o i_o have_v nothing_o else_o to_o give_v i_o will_v give_v my_o soul_n and_o body_n to_o be_v the_o lord_n expect_v acceptance_n only_o for_o the_o sake_n and_o merit_n of_o jesus_n christ_n sure_o god_n require_v nothing_o of_o i_o but_o what_o he_o have_v first_o give_v to_o i_o all_o that_o he_o require_v be_v but_o the_o reflection_n of_o his_o love_n back_o again_o when_o i_o have_v have_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o o_o what_o thanks_o and_o praise_n shall_v i_o render_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o say_v with_o david_n bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n and_o all_o that_o be_v within_o i_o bless_v his_o holy_a name_n bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n and_o forget_v not_o all_o his_o benefit_n he_o forgive_v all_o thy_o iniquity_n etc._n etc._n thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v extol_v thou_o o_o give_v thanks_o unto_o the_o lord_n for_o he_o be_v good_a for_o his_o mercy_n endure_v for_o ever_o for_o he_o satisfy_v the_o long_a soul_n and_o fill_v the_o hungry_a with_o good_a thing_n i_o will_v bless_v the_o lord_n at_o all_o time_n and_o his_o praise_n shall_v be_v continual_o in_o my_o mouth_n i_o will_v love_v the_o lord_n because_o he_o have_v hear_v the_o voice_n of_o my_o supplication_n because_o he_o have_v incline_v his_o ear_n unto_o i_o therefore_o will_v i_o call_v upon_o he_o as_o long_o as_o i_o live_v i_o will_v extol_v thou_o my_o god_n o_o king_n i_o will_v bless_v thy_o name_n for_o ever_o and_o ever_o i_o will_v praise_v the_o lord_n while_o i_o live_v i_o will_v sing_v praise_n to_o my_o god_n while_o i_o have_v any_o be_v and_o now_o when_o i_o look_v back_o upon_o this_o i_o can_v but_o rejoice_v in_o the_o lord_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o god_n of_o my_o salvation_n because_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v go_v through_o the_o pang_n of_o the_o new_a birth_n and_o true_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o strait_a gate_n and_o be_o now_o go_v the_o narrow_a way_n that_o lead_v to_o eternal_a life_n which_o i_o hope_v to_o obtain_v through_o the_o merit_n of_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n and_o again_o when_o i_o reflect_v and_o look_v back_o upon_o all_o these_o thing_n what_o cause_n have_v i_o to_o bewail_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o the_o state_n of_o my_o unregeneracy_n which_o be_v spend_v in_o sin_n and_o vanity_n and_o in_o those_o thing_n wherein_o there_o be_v no_o profit_n if_o god_n shall_v remember_v against_o i_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n he_o may_v write_v bitter_a thing_n against_o i_o if_o i_o shall_v live_v the_o age_n of_o methusalah_n and_o spend_v all_o my_o time_n in_o weep_v the_o tear_n of_o my_o life_n to_o come_v be_v not_o sufficient_a to_o bewail_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o life_n past_a o_o what_o do_v i_o lose_v when_o i_o enjoy_v no_o communion_n with_o god_n how_o much_o rich_a might_n i_o have_v be_v in_o grace_n and_o holiness_n and_o i_o set_v out_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n soon_o but_o this_o be_v my_o comfort_n though_o i_o do_v not_o come_v in_o at_o the_o first_o hour_n yet_o i_o do_v not_o stay_v till_o the_o last_o this_o be_v the_o lord_n mercy_n but_o my_o sin_n before_o conversion_n be_v not_o all_o the_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v to_o mourn_v for_o but_o the_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o since_o and_o in_o some_o measure_n my_o sin_n be_v great_a since_o than_o they_o be_v before_o for_o i_o have_v now_o sin_v against_o clear_a light_n dear_a love_n more_o manifestation_n of_o god_n goodness_n more_o experience_n of_o his_o kindness_n more_o resolution_n to_o obey_v he_o great_a obligation_n to_o serve_v he_o so_o that_o i_o be_o ashamed_a to_o think_v how_o unthankful_a my_o walk_n have_v be_v since_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o some_o desire_n to_o serve_v he_o some_o care_n to_o please_v he_o and_o some_o fear_n to_o offend_v he_o when_o he_o be_v please_v first_o to_o lift_v up_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n upon_o i_o and_o speak_v peace_n to_o my_o soul_n after_o so_o many_o temptation_n and_o trouble_v of_o conscience_n then_o i_o do_v not_o only_o serve_v he_o with_o joy_n and_o thankfulness_n but_o also_o with_o life_n and_o vigour_n o_o how_o be_v my_o heart_n affect_v with_o spiritual_a thing_n when_o i_o pray_v it_o be_v with_o sense_n and_o feel_v it_o be_v not_o only_o in_o word_n but_o i_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o the_o lord_n when_o i_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n how_o do_v i_o hear_v as_o for_o my_o life_n and_o perform_v every_o duty_n as_o for_o eternity_n i_o do_v not_o look_v upon_o duty_n mere_o as_o a_o task_n but_o account_v it_o a_o great_a privilege_n to_o draw_v nigh_o to_o god_n in_o the_o way_n of_o his_o appointment_n i_o find_v it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o seek_v he_o i_o be_v even_o fill_v with_o the_o admiration_n of_o his_o love_n and_o the_o consolation_n of_o the_o spirit_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v and_o run_v the_o way_n of_o his_o commandment_n with_o great_a delight_n and_o comfort_n i_o can_v say_v with_o the_o church_n as_o the_o appletree_n among_o the_o tree_n of_o the_o wood_n so_o be_v my_o belove_a jesus_n to_o my_o soul_n i_o sit_v down_o under_o his_o shadow_n with_o great_a delight_n and_o his_o fruit_n be_v sweet_a unto_o my_o taste_n i_o can_v in_o some_o measure_n say_v with_o david_n as_o the_o hart_n pant_v after_o the_o water-brook_n so_o pant_v my_o soul_n after_o thou_o o_o god_n my_o soul_n thirst_v for_o god_n for_o the_o live_a god_n when_o shall_v i_o come_v and_o appear_v before_o god_n o_o god_n thou_o be_v my_o god_n early_o will_v i_o seek_v thou_o my_o flesh_n long_v for_o thou_o in_o a_o dry_a and_o thirsty_a land_n where_o no_o water_n be_v how_o amiable_a be_v thy_o tabernacle_n o_o lord_n of_o host_n my_o soul_n long_v yea_o even_o faint_v for_o the_o court_n of_o the_o lord_n for_o a_o day_n in_o thy_o court_n be_v better_a than_o a_o thousand_o etc._n etc._n my_o soul_n wait_v for_o god_n from_o who_o come_v my_o salvation_n he_o only_o be_v my_o rock_n and_o my_o salvation_n he_o be_v my_o defence_n i_o shall_v not_o be_v great_o move_v in_o god_n be_v my_o salvation_n and_o my_o glory_n the_o rock_n of_o my_o strength_n and_o my_o refuge_n be_v in_o god_n because_o thy_o lovingkindness_n be_v better_a than_o life_n my_o lip_n shall_v praise_v thou_o my_o soul_n shall_v be_v satisfy_v as_o with_o marrow_n and_o fatness_n and_o my_o mouth_n shall_v praise_v thou_o with_o joyful_a li_n with_o my_o whole_a heart_n have_v i_o seek_v thou_o o_o lord_n let_v i_o not_o wander_v from_o thy_o commandment_n thou_o be_v my_o portion_n o_o lord_n i_o have_v say_v i_o will_v keep_v thy_o precept_n for_o with_o they_o thou_o have_v quicken_v i_o o_o how_o love_v i_o thy_o law_n it_o be_v my_o meditation_n all_o the_o day_n how_o sweet_a be_v thy_o word_n to_o my_o taste_n yea_o sweet_a than_o honey_n to_o my_o mouth_n therefore_o i_o love_v thy_o commandment_n above_o gold_n yea_o above_o fine_a gold_n thus_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v with_o joy_n and_o my_o mouth_n with_o praise_n and_o though_o my_o dwelling_n be_v on_o earth_n yet_o my_o conversation_n be_v in_o heaven_n i_o look_v upon_o all_o thing_n here_o below_o with_o a_o indifferent_a eye_n i_o can_v in_o some_o measure_n say_v with_o paul_n none_o of_o these_o thing_n move_v i_o neither_o count_v i_o my_o life_n dear_a to_o myself_o so_o i_o may_v finish_v my_o course_n with_o joy_n i_o be_v then_o able_a to_o make_v a_o spiritual_a use_n of_o every_o providence_n and_o of_o every_o mercy_n and_o of_o every_o thing_n i_o meet_v with_o i_o find_v the_o assistance_n of_o the_o holy_a spirit_n to_o perform_v spiritual_a duty_n in_o a_o spiritual_a manner_n and_o help_v and_o direct_v i_o to_o some_o duty_n which_o i_o never_o know_v to_o be_v my_o duty_n and_o though_o i_o can_v say_v i_o be_v whole_o free_a from_o temptation_n yet_o i_o can_v say_v whenever_o satan_n begin_v to_o set_v upon_o i_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o see_v that_o it_o
sin_n especial_o of_o lie_v and_o steal_v and_o play_v upon_o the_o sabbath-day_n i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o good_a book_n to_o other_o but_o i_o do_v not_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o as_o when_o i_o read_v that_o scripture_n that_o except_o we_o repent_v we_o shall_v all_o perish_v except_o we_o be_v bear_v again_o we_o can_v see_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n that_o the_o wicked_a shall_v be_v turn_v into_o hell_n etc._n etc._n i_o think_v these_o do_v not_o concern_v i_o because_o i_o be_v guilty_a of_o no_o gross_a sin_n i_o reckon_v my_o condition_n be_v good_a and_o i_o be_v ready_a to_o pity_v other_o but_o i_o be_v not_o sensible_a of_o the_o corruption_n and_o defilement_n of_o my_o nature_n i_o do_v not_o see_v the_o need_n of_o a_o change_n i_o be_v not_o sensible_a of_o my_o undo_a condition_n without_o christ_n i_o see_v not_o his_o excellency_n nor_o have_v any_o desire_n after_o he_o i_o know_v not_o upon_o what_o term_n i_o must_v take_v he_o if_o i_o will_v be_v save_v as_o to_o the_o outward_a duty_n of_o religion_n i_o live_v in_o the_o performance_n of_o many_o of_o they_o but_o as_o for_o the_o more_o inward_a and_o spiritual_a duty_n of_o christianity_n such_o as_o self-examination_n meditation_n self-denial_n mourn_v for_o sin_n and_o watch_v over_o my_o thought_n word_n and_o action_n strict_a observation_n of_o the_o lord_n day_n etc._n etc._n to_o these_o i_o be_v altogether_o a_o stranger_n thus_o i_o go_v on_o in_o rebellion_n against_o god_n have_v a_o form_n of_o godliness_n but_o deny_v the_o power_n and_o if_o god_n have_v then_o cut_v i_o off_o in_o my_o unregeneracy_n certain_o hellfire_n must_v have_v be_v my_o portion_n he_o may_v have_v swear_v in_o his_o wrath_n that_o i_o shall_v never_o enter_v into_o his_o rest_n o_o the_o wonderful_a patience_n and_o forbearance_n of_o the_o lord_n towards_o such_o a_o sinful_a creature_n it_o be_v a_o miracle_n of_o mercy_n i_o be_o yet_o on_o this_o side_n the_o grave_a and_o hell_n it_o be_v of_o the_o lord_n mercy_n that_o i_o be_o spare_v so_o long_o and_o that_o he_o give_v i_o space_n to_o repent_v that_o he_o shall_v afford_v i_o the_o mean_n of_o grace_n and_o send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o strive_v with_o i_o and_o give_v i_o many_o conviction_n and_o all_o to_o reclaim_v i_o and_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o himself_o and_o that_o he_o shall_v not_o only_o give_v i_o space_n to_o repent_v but_o a_o heart_n to_o repent_v that_o he_o shall_v not_o only_o stand_v wait_v and_o knock_v at_o the_o door_n of_o my_o heart_n so_o many_o year_n call_v on_o i_o to_o repent_v but_o that_o he_o shall_v give_v i_o the_o grace_n of_o repentance_n this_o be_v undeserved_a love_n and_o distinguish_a mercy_n for_o i_o be_v dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n and_o have_v nothing_o but_o my_o misery_n to_o move_v his_o compassion_n i_o walk_v according_a to_o the_o course_n of_o this_o world_n i_o be_v insensible_a of_o my_o danger_n though_o ready_a to_o drop_v into_o hell_n every_o moment_n and_o i_o shall_v certain_o have_v perish_v have_v not_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o to_o pluck_v i_o as_o a_o firebrand_n out_o of_o the_o burn_a and_o set_v i_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n for_o which_o i_o can_v never_o sufficient_o adore_v and_o praise_v his_o glorious_a grace_n in_o christ_n to_o i_o a_o vile_a sinful_a creature_n great_a be_v his_o mercy_n towards_o i_o for_o he_o have_v deliver_v my_o soul_n from_o the_o low_a hell_n which_o make_v i_o say_v with_o david_n come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o way_n and_o means_n whereby_o he_o be_v please_v to_o work_v upon_o my_o heart_n the_o manner_n of_o my_o conversion_n which_o i_o hope_n be_v true_a and_o real_a be_v as_o follow_v it_o please_v the_o lord_n by_o a_o sad_a providence_n viz._n the_o sickness_n at_o london_n to_o bring_v my_o uncle_n gearing_n and_o his_o family_n from_o thence_o to_o my_o father_n house_n where_o they_o continue_v about_o half_a a_o year_n my_o uncle_n be_v a_o good_a man_n i_o can_v not_o but_o take_v notice_n of_o his_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a walk_v and_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v sure_o the_o way_n that_o i_o be_o in_o will_v never_o bring_v i_o to_o heaven_n i_o think_v i_o must_v live_v another_o manner_n of_o life_n if_o ever_o i_o will_v be_v save_v i_o have_v many_o conviction_n but_o there_o i_o stay_v but_o go_v no_o further_o i_o keep_v on_o in_o my_o former_a careless_a course_n when_o it_o please_v god_n to_o put_v a_o stop_n to_o the_o plague_n at_o london_n my_o uncle_n return_v with_o his_o family_n and_o i_o go_v with_o he_o and_o continue_v at_o his_o house_n about_o two_o month_n in_o which_o time_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o follow_v i_o with_o new_a conviction_n partly_o by_o the_o good_a example_n of_o my_o uncle_n partly_o by_o many_o excellent_a sermon_n which_o i_o hear_v when_o i_o be_v there_o so_o that_o i_o begin_v in_o good_a earnest_n to_o look_v after_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o to_o say_v with_o the_o gaoler_n what_o must_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v i_o begin_v to_o be_v very_o desirous_a to_o hear_v the_o word_n i_o take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o hear_v and_o give_v attention_n to_o what_o be_v preach_v after_o another_o manner_n than_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o do_v and_o labour_v to_o make_v application_n of_o it_o to_o myself_o i_o hear_v mr._n vincent_n preach_v upon_o heb._n 12._o 14._o follow_v holiness_n without_o which_o no_o man_n shall_v see_v the_o lord_n urge_v the_o necessity_n of_o it_o as_o the_o only_a way_n to_o heaven_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v therewith_o and_o begin_v to_o think_v i_o must_v set_v about_o the_o work_n of_o a_o thorough_a repentance_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o original_a corruption_n and_o that_o i_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o thousand_o of_o actual_a sin_n those_o which_o before_o i_o count_v small_a i_o now_o look_v upon_o as_o great_a and_o upon_o myself_o by_o reason_n of_o sin_n to_o be_v in_o a_o lamentable_a condition_n i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o get_v out_o of_o this_o sinful_a miserable_a state_n and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o there_o be_v no_o name_n under_o heaven_n by_o which_o i_o can_v be_v save_v but_o only_o by_o jesus_n christ_n i_o think_v if_o i_o can_v have_v a_o interest_n in_o he_o and_o his_o favour_n i_o shall_v be_v save_v but_o i_o fear_v god_n will_v not_o thus_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o because_o i_o have_v go_v on_o so_o long_o in_o sin_n i_o hear_v a_o excellent_a sermon_n upon_o mat._n 11._o 28._o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a load_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_v prove_v first_o that_o sin_n be_v a_o burden_n and_o second_o that_o burden_a sinner_n be_v invite_v to_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o then_o that_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o shall_v find_v rest_n for_o their_o soul_n this_o be_v a_o suitable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v in_o the_o hear_n of_o in_o for_o i_o feel_v sin_n to_o be_v a_o burden_n no_o my_o conscience_n and_o i_o will_v fain_o have_v rest_n to_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o want_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o of_o the_o absolute_a necessity_n to_o be_v interest_v in_o he_o i_o begin_v to_o see_v his_o worth_n and_o excellency_n as_o the_o chief_a of_o ten_o thousand_o altogether_o lovely_a and_o then_o and_o not_o till_o then_o i_o have_v hungering_n and_o thirsting_n after_o he_o so_o that_o i_o can_v say_v none_o but_o christ_n give_v i_o christ_n or_o else_o i_o die_v thus_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n by_o his_o spirit_n to_o work_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o degree_n to_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o to_o let_v in_o some_o spiritual_a light_n into_o my_o understanding_n which_o be_v dark_a before_o and_o to_o give_v some_o spiritual_a life_n to_o my_o affection_n which_o be_v dead_a before_o but_o o_o the_o enemy_n that_o do_v then_o labour_n to_o hinder_v my_o conversion_n and_o stop_v this_o work_n the_o world_n by_o allurement_n and_o discouragement_n seek_v to_o keep_v i_o off_o from_o christ_n my_o own_o deceitful_a heart_n and_o corrupt_a disposition_n within_o i_o be_v no_o small_a enemy_n and_o hindrance_n to_o the_o work_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o devil_n the_o great_a adversary_n of_o god_n glory_n and_o our_o happiness_n come_v like_o a_o roar_a lion_n ready_a to_o devour_v i_o so_o that_o i_o