M Vendor â—ucht scul Printed for J Taylor J. Eueringham A NEW Family-Book OR THE True Interest OF FAMILIES BEING Directions to Parents and Children and to those who are instead of Parents shewing them their several DUTIES and how they may be Happy in one another Together with several PRAYERS for Families and Children and GRACES before and after Meat To which is annexed a DISCOURSE about the Right Way of Improving our TIME By JAMES KIRKWOOD Rector of Astwick in Bedfordshire With a Preface by Dr. Horneck The Second Edition Corrected and much Enlarged LONDON Printed for J. Taylor at the Ship-in St. Paul's Church-Yard and J. Everingham at the Star in Ludgate-Street 1693. To my Honoured Friend and Patron Thomas Brown of Arlsey Esq and to Mrs. Mary Brown his Wife ALL who have a right Sense of Things and understand but a little of the State of Religion in the World cannot but see and lament the great decay thereof every where amongst us Atheism and Irreligion are become too much in fashion and have too many Votaries and Followers It has not been known in any Age that such sort of Men or rather Monsters for Man is too Honourable a Name for them have been so numerous so daring and impudent and so successful Who could imagine that in a Christian State there should be such Persons who are at great pains to propagate Atheism and to run down if they were able our most Holy Religion As the neglect of Educating Children aright contributes too much to this degeneracy so the most likely Remedy of this dangerous and spreading Distemper is a due care in Parents and others who have the Charge of Children to train them up in the Knowledge Fear and Love of God To do what in them lies to fortifie their Minds against those Snares and Temptations to which they are exposed and to shine before them in the Practice of sincere Piety themselves Tho' too many on whom God has bestowed Children are so far from doing their Duty for their Souls that they corrupt and utterly ruin them which one of the Ancients calls a greater Cruelty than if they killed their Bodies Yet blessed be God there are some who consider it as their main Business with Relation to their Children to make them wise and good Lovers of God and Haters of every Evil Thing Amongst those who are governed by this Religious Principle God hath made you my most Honoured Friends great Patterns As he hath blessed you with a numerous offspring so he hath given you of the Wisdom from above to know how to Train them up in Piety and Virtue The happy mixture of Kindness and Severity which you use towards them makes them not only to stand in awe of you but to love you I might be allowed on this occasion to say somewhat in Commendation of those Excellent Qualities which God has blessed you with and which appear not only in your way and manner of Educating your Children but in other things likewise The many and great Expressions of your kindness for me ever since I had the Honour to be known to you require the most publick Testimony of my grateful Resentment thereof But 't is one of your Virtues that you chuse rather to be concealed than to make any great noise in the World I shall therefore restrain my self from what otherwise not only Gratitude but the great and just Esteem and Affection I have for you do mightily tempt me unto And shall conclude this Address with my Prayers to God for you That he would increase his Grace in you more and more that you may abound in all the Fruits of Righteousness and true Holiness until you obtain the End of your Faith the Salvation of your Souls I am Tour most Affectionate Friend and most Faithful Servant James Kirkwood THE PREFACE THE Author of the ensuing Treatise having thought fit to recommend his Papers to my perusal I was willing to usher them into the World with some remarks upon his pious design The Welfare of a Common Wealth doth in a great measure depend upon the Duties of the Relatives here treated of and did Parents and Children conscientiously discharge all the Obâ—igations incumbent upon them by the Law of God and Nature the World could not be so wicked as it is Education makes the first impressions upon the Souls of Men and were care taken that the Ground be impregnated with good Seed such a Harvest might be expected from it that Posterity might be the better for it I am sensible that Conversation and the Humour of the Age is apt to make strange alterations in the Principles we imbâ—be yet something will stick and when the thoughts are cool and Men come to reflect the Principles they have learned when the wax was soft will recoil and oblige them to return to their Duty Of this we have experience and though there is no Rule so general but admits of exceptions yet it 's enough that this effect doth frequently appear which is no inconsiderable Motive to the serious consideration of a thing of this importance It was a wise answer which one of the LXXII Interpreters gave to Ptolemaeus Philadelphus who asked him what was the greatest negligence The neglect saith he of the good Education of Children It is so and the hurt that 's done by it both to them and to the Publick is unspeakable Whence is it that there are so many Prodigals that so many come to an untimely end that so many run into excesses which destroy both Soul and Body From want of pious Education It was a severe Censure which Carneades the Philosopher passed upon the Children of Rich Men that they learned nothing but to ride well Indeed it is to be wondered that Rational Creatures should be so careful to breed up their Progeny to sensuality and neglect the cultivation of that which makes them differ from Bruits and shews they are Creatures of a nobler extract Can any thing be more reasonable than Virtue and the fear of God Is not this it which both Scripture and Philosophy teaches Do not we our selves confess so much and do not most Men acknowledge it when they come to dye And yet that we should make this the least part of our care in the Education of Youth is wondrous strange Some seem to fancy that sending their Children to School or to teach them their Catechism is all the Care that is incumbent upon them Though I cannot say but that this is a Duty yet it is so imperfect that I can scarce honour it with the Title of doing it by halves it being but the beginning or the least part of it Instruction Precept and Example are the mighty Engines and Instruments in the promoting and accomplishing this Work and perhaps nothing hath a greater influence than Example for all the Moral Precepts of the Parents are like Water spilt upon the Ground where Example doth not concomitate the instruction How
as their natural life must begin from you Ye are Magistrates in your Families and it is your Province to be a terrour to evil-doers and Encouragers of those that do well If by your indulgence they sin and by your connivence they grow wicked will not the supreme Judge be avenged on such Officers You blame Governours of a Commonwealth if they do not animadvert on Offenders or are regardless of the reins of Justice and do not you blame your selves who are Commanders in your Families for suffering the fear of God to decay there which is the only thing that can make them happy How is it that you will not understand your Interest Is it not your interest to educate them into the Practice of Virtue and Goodness and Self denial If they love God they must needs love you that love will constrain them to express their Duty to you The Presence of God will over-awe them and they 'll obey you not with eye-service but when your eye is off from them The fear of God will make them conscientious of obeying your Commands in secret and if your good Counsels and Examples prevail with them they will be not only your Children but the Children of God and you will have this satisfaction that you do not only love them but that God loves them and dwells in them and they in him Remember this ye that are Children and let this encourage you to a faithful discharge of your Duty Your Parents that under God gave you life have a just Right to your Services and Obedience You are born Servants to them and to be at their beck and Command is the obligation you bring with you into the World As the Authority of Parents was the first Government in the World so your subjection to them is the first Service that was ever known in the World Can you think any thing too good for them who are the great Instruments of conveying to you all the goods you possess and all the endowments you are invested with If you follow not their good Instructions and Admonitions ye are the greatest Rebels in the World and the sin is as great a Treason in the Family you live in as Sedition in a Kingdom is against the State You have the noblest Promises made you to reward your Obedience and though it is a natural Duty bound up with your very Being yet God will reward it as if it were a deliberate self-denial and because you shall not stay for the recompence God will bless you here and your lives shall be comfortable on this side Heaven It is the first Commandment in the Law with Promise and to let you see how God delights in your honouring your Parents and obeying their wholsom Counsels he hath singled out that Precept and dress'd it with more than ordinary encouragements But then the Honour you shew them must not spend it self in some outward Civilities but must be expressed in Actions in Speeches and in Patience according to the Advice of the Son of Syrach Ecclesiastic 3. 12 13 14. In Actions so as to execute their lawful Commands with great alacrity and fidelity to labour and to take pains for their mainnteance and support if they are fallen to decay and to relieve their necessities according to your ability In Words and Speeches so as to speak honourably of them to answer them with humility to comfort them when they are in trouble and to pacifie them with soft language when they are angry and displeased In Patience so as to bear their anger patiently and to endure their frowardness and pettishness without contradiction to receive their severer Commands and such as are contrary to your genius and inclination with gentleness and to do them without murmuring These are Duties which draw more than ordinary Blessings upon you God that sees you do so will have thoughts of peace towards you he will be concerned for you and you may be confident he will not leave you nor forsake you In honouring your Parents you honour your selves It 's that which will not only procure you favour with God but with Men too It 's upon this account that Wise Men have recorded the Dutifulness of some excellent Children and make them Immortal by their Writings and there are such Examples of this filial Respect even among the Heathen that it would be odious and dreadful if the Children of Christians should fall short of their Duty God lays so great a stress upon it that as he promises the kindest things to it so he threatens as severe punishments where it is neglected and that he doth not only threaten but execute these Judgments any Man may see that will take notice of his Providences But all this the Reader will be more fully convinced of by reading the following Discourse which that God may bless with success and edification shall be my hearty Prayer A. Horneck THE CONTENTS Of Advice to Parents PART I. THE Introduction shewing the great Importance of the right Education of Children Pag. 1 How Parents ought to be affected while Children are yet in the Womb. 2 How they ought to be affected when their Children are born 3 The Duties of Parents for their Childrens Souls 1. Duty To Consecrate them to God in Baptism 4 The Right of Children to Baptism 8 2. Duty to season their Minds betimes with good Impressions 13 Children are to be acquainted with Scripture Histories 14 3. Duty to teach them to pray 18 4. Duty to observe carefully their Temper and Disposition and to endeavour to reform what is amiss therein 22 What is to be done if they are sturdy and proud 22 If they be given to lying 23 If they are Cunning and Deceitful 24 If they are peevish and passionate 25 If they are Revengeful and Malicious 26 If they are Jealous and Suspicious 28 If they are too Credulous 28 If they are Envious 29 If they are very Impatient 30 If they love their Belly too well 32 If they discover any tendency to Vnchast and Immodest actions 33 If they are very Changeable and Vnconstant 36 If they are surly and morose 37 If they are disrespectful to Aged Persons 39 If they quarrel much with one another 40 If they are over curious to know their Lot and Fortune in the World 42 If they are unthankful to those who do them good and kind Offices 46 If they are of too Prodigal a Temper 49 If they are Covetous 50 If they are naturally melancholly 51 If they are of too gay and airy a Temper 51 If they are Rash and Froward 52 5. Duty to see that they be taught to Read 55 About keeping them at School 56 Great care ought to be taken what Books they read 61 6. Duty to bring them to the place of publick Worship so soon as they are fit for it 64 What they should do before they go to Church 65 How they should carry themselves at Church ib. What they should do when they come
7. 12. All things whatsoever ye would that Men should do to you do ye even so to them Some Motives to excite Guardians to do these Things The first thing which should stir up Guardians to perform their Duty towards their Pupils is A Sense of Justice When they are chosen for this End if they have no mind to undertake such a Charge or if they cannot attend it they ought to declare so much and peremptorily to refuse it that so care may be taken to get some other Body who will undertake it But when once they have undertaken it they ought to make Conscience of it and to do all that is in their power for the Childrens welfare and happiness in every thing 'T is both their Duty and Interest to fulfill their Ingagement and to act that part which they have undertaken which if they perform wisely and faithfully then they may expect the Praise Love and Esteem of not only the Children themselves and of their Relations but likewise of all good and worthy Persons who see or hear of their Fidelity and Carefulness for the benefit of their Pupils If Care is not taken in this manner to fulfill what is undertaken to be done and if there is no respect had to Covenants Trusts and Ingagements then the very Foundation of the Happiness of Society is subverted If there is no regard to Truth and Justice what a miserable thing must it be to live in Society To be united by any civil â—yes to those whose Promises and Ingagements are worse than none at all 2. Does not A Sense of Honour oblige Guardians to be careful of their Pupils and true and faithful to them 'T was the Opinion of their kindness and faithfulness and of their fitness and worthiness for such a Charge which made them be chosen before others And therefore if they have any thing in them of true worth if they have any sense of Honour they must needs strive to answer the Expectation of those who have testified so great a value and esteem for them 3 dly Does not Charity oblige Guardians to do these things Orphans have always been reckoned amongst the greatest Objects of Charity especially when they are very Young and are not able either in respect of Body or Mind to do any thing for themselves So great is God's Compassion and Tenderness towards such Children that he has been Graciously pleased to declare himself to be The Father of the Fatherless 'T is therefore the Duty of All who are Followers of God as dear Children especially of those who are chosen to perform so Charitable an Office as this I say it is their Duty to omit nothing that is needful to be done for the benefit of Fatherless Children both in their Spiritual and Temporal concerns We see a very worthy President and Example in Mordecai Esth. 2. Esther's Father and Mother being dead Mordecai took her and she was to him as his own Daughter How careful was he both of her Soul and Body How well did he instruct her As may be easily gathered from her Wise and Pious Carriage and Behaviour And when she was taken from him we find he was still mindful of her for v. 11. 't is said Mordecai walked every day before the Court of the Womens House to know how Esther did and what should become of her We find him likewise from time to time giving her his best Advice how to carry her self and how to glorifie God in that Honourable State to which it had pleased him to raise her How worthy is such an excellent Pattern as this of the imitation of all those who are called to be the Guardians the Guides and Defenders of Fatherless Children And for their encouragement let them consider how richly God did reward the Charity and Piety of Mordecai not only in raising him up to great Honour by Esthers means but also by making her the Instrument of preserving his Life and the Lives of all the Jews who were in the Provinces belonging to Ahasuerus From what hath been said it appears how great Reason there is for Guardians to be true and faithful to the Interests of their Pupils and to do all that ever they can for their Spiritual and Temporal Advantage Now if it be their Duty to do so what shall be said of those who are not only careless of seeking their good but do likewise too successfully seek their hurt and ruine As to their Souls they corrupt and poyson them by their wicked Example and by Atheistical Principles which they instill into them they breed them up in all manner of Licentiousness As to their Bodies they either too far gratifie their vanity and folly or they are too niggardly towards them in withholding from them not only Conveniencies but Necessaries As to their outward Estate they either suffer them to live idly or they put them forth to some Trade or other very unfit and unsutable to them And when they are fit for Marriage they force them to Marry as they think good according as they see it will best serve their own private and worldly base and vile Interests without ever regarding the Happiness of their Pupils As for their Patrimony and Inheritance they are so far from improving it that they impair it wofully and sometimes quite consume and waste it they study a great many Arts and Wiles to ruine the poor Children whom they have got into their merciless hands Instead of proving their Guardians they prove their Robbers instead of being as Parents to them they prove betrayers of them and their most Dangerous and Cruel Enemies But shall they escape who do such things No They shall not He who is the helper of the Fatherless will plead their Cause and will avenge them of those Treacherous and Perfidious Persons For He beholdeth mischief to requite it Ps. 10. 14. I shall conclude this Advice with what is written Ex. 22. 22. c. Ye shall not afflict any fatherless Child If thou afflict them in any wise and they cry at all unto me I will surely hear their cry And my wrath shall wax hot and I will kill you with the Sword And your Wives shall be Widows and your Children Fatherless And Prov. 23. 10 11. Enter not into the fields of the Fatherless for their Redeemer is mighty He shall plead their Cause with thee PRAYERS FOR FAMILIES A Morning Prayer for Parents or Masters of Families with their Family O Most Gracious and Merciful Lord God who affords us thy unworthy Servants the Honour and Liberty of drawing near unto thee Assist us by thy good Spirit to Worship thee with sincere Devotion to lift up Holy Hands without wrath and doubting We acknowledge O Lord we deserve not to appear in thy sight for we are not only Vile and Sinful by Nature being the corrupt Posterity of Sinful Parents but likewise we are Guilty of a great many actual Transgressions in our Thoughts Words and Deeds
One that being in Covenant with Evil Spirits calls upon them by certain Words and Rites to get their assistance in some vain or bad Design or other d One that calleth upon the Dead and enquireth of them as the Witch of Endor did 1 Sam. 28. 8 9. c. If they are unthankful to those who do them good and kind Offices * Dixeris maledicta cuncta cum ingratum Hominem dixeris See Xenoph Paed. Cyr. l. 1. * See Plin. Hist. l. 8. c. 16. Sen. de Benef l. 3. c. 19. Aul. Gel. l. 5. c. 14. If they are of too prâ—digal a Temper If they are Covetous * Inde fere scelerum causae Juven Sat. 14. If they are naturally melancholy If they are of too gay and airy a Temper If they are Rash and Forward About chusing a fit Person to teach them to read About keeping them at School Great care ought to be taken what Books they read What they should do before they go to Church How they should carry themselves at Church What they should do when they come from Church Why the Lord's Day ought to be kept * Ambr. de Pentec Ser. 61. Children are to be possessed with a great regard for the Ministers of the Gospel * They who joyn with us in the publick Worship ought to think of their Obligation to this Duty when they hear these words of the Litany â—O God we have heard with our Ears and our Fathers have declared unto us the Noble Works that thou didst in their days and in the old time before them See Ps. 44. 1. 1. They must give their Children good Example 2. They must chuse good Company for them * Etiam sine Magistro vitia discuntur Sen. The great Danger that Children are in from Flatterers * Quintilian de causis corruptae Eloquentiae Advice to Parents who send their Children abroad to Travel 3. They must as need requires reprove and chasten their Children and how Parents ought in correcting their Children to follow the Example of our Heavenly Father Parents must be careful not to oppose one another when they câ—rrect and reprove their Children 4. They must carefully improve the Time of their Childrens Sickness or of any other afflictions they meet with towards the making of them wiser and better 5. They must daily pray to God for them Against those who curse their Children †The Blessing of the Father Establisheth the Houses of Children but the Curse of the Mother rooteth out Foundations Ecelus 3. 9. * See Augustin de Civ Dei l. 22. c. â—8 Plato de legg l. 34. dial 11. 1. Motive from the Divine Command 2. Motive from its being a work worthy of the utmost care and pains of Parents 3. Motive from the Rewards which attend those who faithfully do these things 4. Motive from the great Benefit which comes both to Church and State by the good Education of Children * See Plutarch in Lycurgo Heraclid de Politiis Xenophon paed Cyr. lib. 1. 5. Moâ—ive from the sâ—d Effects which attend the neglect of these Duties * Augustin To. 10. Ser. 33. 〈◊〉 Fratres in Eremo 1. Duty it belongs to the Mother to give suck to her Children * Aulus Gellius lib. 12. cap. 1. See likewise Plutarch de Educ 2. Duty about Childrens Diet. 3. Duty about Childrens Apparel 1. Duty to chuse a fit Trade for them * See Plut. in Solone â—dvice to those who have great Estates and Riches to bestow on their Children * 'T was excellently said by Agefilans King of â—acedemon We must teach Children what they should do when they are Men. * Plutarch de Educat * Antigonus used this as an Argument to induce Zeno the Philosopher to come to him You may said he be well assured that by teaching and instructing me you will at the same time instruct all the Macedonians For he who contributes towards the making the King of Macedon a Virtuous Person does in great measuâ—â— disp se all his Subjects for Virtuous Impressions For such as Rulers and Princes be such likewise ordinarily are they who depend upon theâ—â— Diog. Laert. in Zenone Advice to those who intend to set apart one or more of their Children for the Holy Ministry 2. Duty about disposing of them in Marriage * Callias the Athenian was highly commended by the Greeks because he gave his Daughters leave to chuse what Husbands themselves liked best Herodot in Erato * Plut. in Themistocle * The sad Effects of marrying very leud and profligate Persons 3. Duty about providing somewhat that may be the foundation of their comfortable subsistance in the World Great Prudence and Caution ought to be used in bestowing their Worldly Goods on their Children 4. Duty to have their Will and Testament in Readiness The great Inconvenience of delay in this matter Great care to be taken in the choice of Guardians for Children * 'T was an Athenian Law that they should not be choseâ— Guardians who have a right to the Childrens Estate after their Decease Diog. Laert. in Soloâ—e 1. They ought to consider that it is the Lord who does it 2. They ought to consider that their Children were born mortal 3. They should consider from whence and whither they are gone 4. They should consider that there will be a Resurrection 5. They should consider that their giving way to excessive Grief and Mourning can do no good but will certainly do a great deal of hurt The Duty of Parents on their Death-Bed 1. Duty to give their Children good Advice 2. Duty to pray to God for them 3. Duty to commend them to some Faithful Friends Concerning the Duties of Step-Fathers and Step-Mothers or Fathers and Mothers in Law Some Motives to stir them up to do their Duty The Duties of Guardians Some Motives to excite Guardians to do their Duty Prayers for the Morning and Evening to be used in Families * Or Evening * Or the past day †Oâ— this night * If there be Brothers and Sisters let them pray for them likewise * Here they may make a particular Confession of their Sins * If there be any Brothers or Sisters he may pray for them and for Grandfather and Grandmother if they be alive
shall the Child learn Sobriety where the Father is often drunk Or how is it possible the young man should be meek and patient where the Father is Cholerick and hath no command of his passion I do not restrain the Grace of God and am sensible that the very impiety of the Parents hath sometimes contrary Effects upon certain Children and they learn to be good by the Wickedness of their Superiors but this is an extraordinary Providence which God exerts sometimes to manifest his Omnipotence and to let Men see that he can bring light out of darkness but the ordinary way of Edifying those under our Charge is to teach them by Example And though even this proves ineffectual sometimes yet it 's enough that it is our Duty and that we have discharged it and have taken that way which was most rational and of God's prescription I am so pleased with St. Jerom's Advice to Laeta concerning the Education of her Daughter that I cannot forbear to transcribe part of it I will let you see saith he what Education you are to give to a Daughter whose Soul ought to be the Temple of God Let her hear nothing learn nothing speak nothing but what may inspire the fear of God into her Let her not listen to prophane Discourses nor be enamoured with Love Songs or amâ—rous Ditties Let her use her self at certain hours to sing Psalms let none be about her but sober Servants and keep her from running into Company light and vain where she will learn more ill than good Use her to reading and to work and labour and promise her Rewards and incite her to Emulation excite her to Virtue by praises and Commendations and make her ambitious to excel others in Virtue and good Works Let her learn Scripture Sentences by heart and chuse her a Master that may not only teach her to read but instruct her in good manners Give her a Nurse neither debaucht nor tatling nor given to strong Liquors and let her Habit be modest and such as becomes her Christian Profession Let her not bore Holes in her Ears for Pendants neither let her use any Paint or Wash to beautifie her self Let her not be nice in ordering the Hair of her Head neither suffer her to adorn her self with Gold or Pearls or precious Stones except you design her for Hell fire When she comes to riper Age let her go with her Parents to the Temple but let her not return to the Gayeties of the World Advise her to keep her self in her Chamber and let her not go to Feasts and merry Meetings I would not have her use too much Fasting and Abstinence which may hurt her health at least till she be stronger and better able to bear it Let her use God's Creatures for necessity and not for voluptuousness sake Suffer her not to be at Musical concerts nor to be fond of Fiddles and Lutes and Harps but let her repeat every day some passages out of the Word of God Let her not go abroad any where without her Mother nor be very familiar or enter into intreagues with any Servant Appoint her a Governess that 's sage and wise and who may teach her to rise at midnight to sing Praises to her God Let her pray and work Day and Night Teach her to handle her Needle to Spin and to Exercise her self in turning the Spindle Suffer her not to imploy her self in Imbroideries of Gold and Silver Let her Cloaths be plain and decent and let her eat soberly and temperately and let her not take pleasure in common Baths I know what will be objected here that this is the advice of a Hermit and to teach a Daughter how to be a Nun. But still I appeal to any unprejudiced Person whether this be not the most likely way to Salvation and whether these Precepts be not agreeable to the Gospel of Christ And though I will grant that all are not under the same Circumstances and all cannot give the same Education yet as to the principal part of the advice which is to teach Children by Word and Example how to die to Sin and to the World it must be granted it 's very practicable This Age indeed hath learnt to shake off these stricter Rules but they should shew us too what Warrant they have from the Word of God to do so It was judiciously observed of Fabius that a soft and effeminate Education breaks the strength of Body and Mind and whilst we breed up Children to all the Arts of Vanity and Luxury they continue strangers to God and to themselves The Vine grows wild if it be not cut so doth Youth if they be not betimes curbed in things which war against the Soul Vnderstand this ye Parents and be instructed ye to whom God hath committed the care of Education ye are God's Stewards and your Children are the Goods you are to manage to your Master's Glory Their blood God will require at your hands Have not ye read the Curse God pronounced against Eli for his negligence and are not ye afraid of the same Judgment Ye are the persons by whom your Children must be taught to serve God in their Generation ye are the persons from whom they are to learn their Duty to God and Man at your door the fault will lie if they miscarry through your carelesness Are their Souls so contemptible in your eyes that you will let them perish for want of Admonition Did Christ think them worth purchasing with his own Blood and will ye let them lie without fence or wall or cultivation You take care that they may live comfortably in this World Is it not a greater Duty to bestir your selves that they may enjoy God for ever It is joy to you to see them do well here and ought it not to be a greater joy to find that they are like to reign with Christ and his Saints in a better World You love them but how doth it appear you do while you let their Souls die Is this your Love to provide for their flesh and to neglect enriching their better part with religious Principles You would have them go to Heaven when they die but how is it possible they should when you are loth to be at the trouble to shew them the way that leads to that Paradise Was ever any Man saved without Holiness and do you hope they will be without this qualification If you teach them not by Word and Example to practise that Holiness how can you or they hope to ascend into the Mount of God or dwell on the everlasting Hills Do you believe a future Account and do not ye enquire whether you discharge your Duty to your Children Or is this no part of the Account ye are to give Ye are the Persons who are to breathâ— goodness into them and to give them life and happiness Ye are their Gods as it were and from you they receive their motion and their spiritual as well
from Church 66 Why the Lord's Day ought to be kept 67 Children are to be possessed with a great regard for the Ministers of the Gospel 68 7. Duty to make them understand their Baptismal Covenant 73 8. Duty to encourage them to come to the Lord's Table 77 9. Duty to take care that they accustom themselves to self-Examination 79 10. Duty to observe what Providences they meet with and to acquaint them therewith in due time as also with some of the most remarkable Providences which either they to wit the Parents themselves or others have met with 86 Some Directions to Parents how to render their Endeavours effectual 95 1. They must give their Children good Example 95 2. They must chuse good Company for them 98 The great Danger that Children are in from Flatterers 99 Advice to those who send their Children abroad to travel 102 3. They must as need requires reprove and chasten their Children and how 106 Parents ought in correcting their Children to follow the Example of our Heavenly Father 111 Parents must be careful not to oppose one another when they correct and reprove their Children 112 4. They must carefully improve the Time of their Childrens Sickness or of any other Afflictions they meet with towards the making of them wiser and better 113 5. They must daily pray to God for them 115 Against those who curse their Children 118 Some Motives to excite Parents to do these things 1. Motive from the Divine Command 120 2. Motive from its being a work worthy of the utmost care and pains of Parents 122 3. Motive from the Rewards which attend those who faithfully do these things 123 4. Motive from the great Benefit which comes both to Church and State by the good Education of Children 127 5. Motive from the sad Effects which attend the neglect of these Duties 135 PART II. The Duties of Parents as to their Childrens Bodies 1. DVty it belongs to the Mother to give suck to her Children 141 2. Duty about Childrens Diet. 145 3. Duty about Childrens Apparel 146 The Duty of Parents as to the outward Estate of their Children 1. Duty to chuse a fit Trade for them 148 Advice to those who have great Estates and Riches to bestow on their Children 150 Advice to those who intend to set apart one or more of their Children for the Holy Ministry 157 2. Duty about disposing of them in Marriage 162 The sad Effects of Marrying very leud and profligate Persons 164 3. Duty about providing somewhat that may be the foundation of their comfortable subsistance in the World 167 Great Prudence and Caution ought to be used in bestowing their Worldly Goods on their Children 172 4. Duty to have their Will and Testament in Readiness 174 The great Inconvenience of delay in this matter 174 Great care to be taken in the choice of Guardians for Children 178 The above mentioned particulars earnestly recommended to Parents 180 Concerning the Duty of Parents when God removeth their Children by Death 1. They ought to consider that it is the Lord who does it 187 2. They ought to consider that their Children were born mortal 189 3. They should consider from whence and whither they are gone 197 4. They should consider that there will be a Resurrection 202 5. They should consider that their giving way to excessive Grief and Mourning can do no good but will certainly do a great deal of hurt 205 The Duty of Parents on their Death-Bed 209 1. Duty to give their Children good Advice 210 2. Duty to pray to God for them 212 3. Duty to commend them to some Faithful Friends 212 Concerning the Duties of Step-Fathers and Step-Mothers 214 Some Motives to stir them up to do their Duty 218 The Duties of Guardians 223 Some Motives to excite Guardians to do their Duty 225 A Morning Prayer for Parents or Masters of Families with their Family 232 An Evening Prayer for Parents or Masters of Families with their Family 237 A short Prayer for the Morning or Evening when through Extraordinary Occasions there is not time for the other 242 A Prayer to be taught Children when hey begin to speak 245 A Prayer for Children when they come to be four or five Years old 246 A Prayer for Children when they come to twelve or fourteen years of Age sooner or later according to the ripeness of their understanding 247 Grace before Meat 251 After Meat 252 ERRATA PAg. 16. line 26. read intelligible p. 22. l. 22. for when r. whom p. 44. l. 9. r. infallibly p. 45. l. 2. for having r. have p. 68. l. 22. r. Ministrations p. 87. l. 24. r. stir up p. 97. l. 22. r. And besides the influence p. 101. l. 21. r. Attia p. 126. l. 12 r. lustre p. 154. l. 1. r. of p. 159. l. 13. point thus early and late to be p. 178. l. 7. for are r. is p. 187. l. 25. point thus sees fit He is the great Potter and. p. 193. l. 28. for hath r. had p. 215. l. 1 point thus account They. p. 238. l. 4. point thus Counsels and despised As to some other mistakes in the Printing they will not much hinder the Reader ERRATA in Advice to Children PAg. 3. l. 18. r. Disposition p. 9. l. 12 and 13. r. tho Canaan l. 29. for ye r. thee p. 29. l. 16. for Cat r. Cock p. 114. l. 5. r. Servant p. 139. l. 4. r. hath called p. 150. l. 15. and 16. r. according ADVICE TO PARENTS PART I. IT has been always reckoned by the best and Wisest men a thing absolutely necessary towards a Reformation in the World to begin with the Instruction and Education of Children those of elder Years being ordinarily so rooted and hardned in their sinful habits that for the most part there 's very little can be done to reform them and make them better So sensible were some ancient States of this that they made particular Laws for Educating Children thinking it too great a Trust to leave it altogether in the Power of Parents to train up their Children according to their Humour and Fancy Amongst Christians there are few restraints upon Parents in most Countries it being in their Power to Educate their Children as they think good It is therefore of no small Importance for them to know what their Duty is that they may approve themselves to God in doing whatever he requires towards their Children for their Souls their Bodies and their outward Estate The Design of this Treatise is to furnish those who want such helps with some plain and easie Directions that they may know how to act the Part of Christian Parents First while Children are yet in the Womb it is the Duty of Parents to endeavour to bring their mind to an indifferency as to the Sex which shall be born not to prescribe to God by their impatient desires and their bold asking of him a Child of this or that Sex but to leave it entirely
to his Will and Pleasure to do what he thinks best The happiness of Parents does not consist in having Children of this or that Sex Sometimes Sons who are most desired ordinarily may prove useless in the World yea very hurtful in many regards they may occasion great grief of Heart and lasting Anguish and Vexation to their Parents by their mad and foolish Courses and wicked doings And on the other hand Daughters may prove great Blessings in the World great Comforts to their Parents and great Examples of Piety and of Zeal for the honour of God On which accounts Parents ought to resign their will to God and be ready with all gratitude to accept whatever he bestows Secondly When a Child is born Parents ought with all thankfulness to return Praise to God who hath bestowed such a blessing upon them giving them a living Child sound and perfect in all its parts and proportions without either defect of necessary parts or excess and deformity thereof They ought to admire and adore the Powerful and Wise Providence of God which appears in framing and fashioning their Infant so curiously and wonderfully in the Womb in preserving it and making it grow up from a very small and imperfect beginning to such a bigness with all those comely shapes and proportions which they behold and at last in bringing it safely from the Womb which is one of the great and wonderful Works of the Power and Goodness of God tho it be little regarded because it is so common They ought to look upon their Children as given them of God to be taken care of both as to their Souls and Bodies to be bred up in his fear for his Honour and Glory to be made fit to serve him here and to live with him for ever hereafter The Soul being the chiefest part oâ— the Charge committed to Parents â— shall first shew what they ought to dâ— for their Childrens Souls The first Duty of Parents for the Souls of their Children is to Consecratâ— them to God in Baptism First They ought to Consecrate their Children to God in Baptism so soon as conveniently they can They cannot better express their gratitude to God for blessing them with Children than by presenting them to him again in this holy Ordinance that he may set his Seal upon them and admit them into his House and Family that he may bestow upon them the Priviledges of his Children and give them a Right and Title to the Blessedness the Grace and Glory purchased by Jesus Christ. It is for this End that Baptism is instituted not only to be a Ceremony of Admission into the Church but to Seal unto us the Pardon of our Sins to assure us of the Divine Favour to make us Members of Christ Heirs of God and Inheritours of the Kingdom of Heaven if we by wilful impenitency and unbelief do not afterwards hinder and frustrate the Virtue thereof It is not necessary for Parents to enquire how such things are done by Baptism it is enough for them to know That God hath appointed Baptism for those Ends and we are sure that He appoints nothing in vain Our Saviour is said Eph. 5. 26. To sanctify and cleanse his Church with the washing of Water by the Word And Tit. 3. 5. he is said to save us by the washing of Regeneration and renewing of the Holy Ghost And in the 22 d. of the Acts and the 16. it is said by Ananias unto Paul Arise and â—e Baptized and wash away thy Sins And St. Peter having spoken of Noahs being saved with his Family in the Ark he adds 1 Epist. 3 21. The like Figure whereunto even Baptism doth now also save us And St. Paul tells us 1 Cor. 12. 12 13. For as the Body is one and hath many members and all the members of that one Body being many are one Body So also is Christ. For by one Spirit are we all Baptized into one Body And Gal. 3. 26 27. He saith For ye are all the Children of God by Faith in Christ Jesus For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ Which words import not only our owning and acknowledging him as the Saviour of the World who alone is able to wash and cleanse us with his Blood but also our Professing our resolution to live holy lives to walk in newness of life according to his Example in token of which in the Ancient Church they who were baptized were presently cloathed with White Rayment to testify their resolution to live in holiness and to put off the Old man that is all their former Wicked deeds and Customs and filthy Practices Likewise Rom. 6. 3 and 4. it is thus written Know ye not that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his Death Therefore we are buried with him by Baptism into Death that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the Glory of the Father even so we also should walk in newness of Life These words import not only our belief of a Crucified Saviour who dyed and was buried for sin to save us from it but also our Repentance whereby we renounce Sin as dead and buried to it for the time to come The general Design of this Sacrament being sufficiently plain and clear from these and other Scriptures it is to little purpose and oftentimes it proves to very ill purpose to enquire any further as to particulars for by so doing a great many persons judging of Divine things by their own weak and foolish apprehensions have reasoned themselves if I may so speak both out of their Reason and Religion As to the Right of Children to Baptism It will appear if you Consider that the Covenant Blessing of God's being the God of Abraham and of his Seed Gen. 17. 7. is not only continued to those of the Jewish Nation who are converted to Christianity for if the first Fruit be holy the Lump is Holy and if the Root be Holy so are the Branches Rom. 11. 16. but is likewise extended to the Gentiles who by Faith in Christ are made one Body with the Jews and so have a Right to the Blessings promised to Abraham and to His Children Rom. 4. 9 10 11 12. Cometh this blessedness upon the Circumcision onely or upon the uncircumcision also For we say that Faith was reckoned to Abraham for Righteousness How was it then reckoned When he was in Circumcision or in uncircumcision Not in Circumcision but in uncircumcision And he received the sign of Circumcision a Seal of the Righteousness of the Faith which he had yet being uncircumcised That He might be the Father of them that believe tho they be not Circumcised that Righteousness might be imputed unto them also And the Father of Circumcision to them who are not of the Circumcision only but also walk in the Steps of that Faith of our Father Abraham which he had being yet uncircumcised From
which Words it appears That all who believe not only Jews or Persons Circumcised but Gentiles also or Persons uncircumcised are accounted the Children of Abraham and capable to partake of that Happiness and Salvation which was Promised to him as the Father of the Faithful To the same purpose saith the Apostle writing to the Galatians Chap. 3. 9. They which be of Faith are blessed with Faithful Abraham And v. 29. If ye be Christ's then are ye Abraham 's Seed and Heirs according to the Promise Again 1 Cor. 7. 14. he saith The unbelieving Husband is Sanctified by the Wife and the unbelieving Wife is Sanctified by the Husband Else were your Children unclean but now are they Holy Which intimates that the Children of all Believers whether they be Jews or Gentiles are within God's Covenant and have a Right to those Favours and Priviledges which he hath annexed thereto Likewise Acts 2. 39. 't is said The Promise is unto you and to your Children and to all that are afar off even as many as the Lord our God shall call So that all who are called by the Preaching of the Gospel and do believe in the Lord Jesus are both themselves and their Children within the Covenant of Grace If it were not so Then the Blessing of Abraham were not come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ as it affirmed Gal. 3. 14. For how could the same Blessing be come on the Gentiles if their Children were not comprehended within the Covenant of Grace which was a part of the Blessing of Abraham And how could Christians be Heirs according to the Promise if their Children have no Right to it as Abraham's Children had Or can it be imagined that the Condition of Believers under the Gospel is worse than the Condition of those who believed under the Law Are God's Mercies and Favours to Mankind impaired by Christ's coming into the World Has the great Lover of Souls the Redeemer of the World been the occasion of our loseing great and considerable Priviledges by his Tabernacling amongst us And yet all this must needs follow if now under the Gospel the Children of Believers are excluded from the Covenant of Grace which they were admitted to under the Law which is very inconsistent with the Divine Goodness and contrary to the Love of our Lord Jesus which he manifested in his Blessed Gospel where we find he Commanded the Children to be brought unto him and blamed those who would have kept them from him He took them into his Arms laid his Hands upon them and Blessed them and declared that he accounted them Heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven Mat. 19. 13 14 15. and Mark 10. 13 14 15. 16. From all which both Words and Deeds of our Saviour we may see very plainly he was far from hindering their being admitted Members of his Church and Kingdom The Right of Infants to Baptism will further appear if you consider more particularly the Institution of Baptism The Jews were wont to admit into their Church not only Aged Persons who were converted to Paganism but likewise their Children which they did by Circumcision Sacrifice and Baptism Our Saviour being to determine the manner of admitting Disciples and Proselytes into his Church that he might make his Yoke easie to those who would come after him laid aside Circumcision which was a painful Rite and Sacrifices which were very Costly and only retained Baptism to be the Sacrament of Initiation or Admission of Disciples into his Church Go ye said he to his Apostles Mat. 28. 19. and teach or as the Words may be Translated Disciple or make Disciples of all Nations Baptizing them in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost Now this Command being given to Men who knew that the Infants of those who were Converted were admitted into the Jewish Church as well as the Parents themselves is there the least Ground to imagine any other but that our Saviour's Design was that the Children of Believers should still be admitted into his Church as well as formerly into the Jewish And no doubt if he had thought fit to discontinue the Jewish Practice he would have expresly signified his Mind about it to prevent an otherwise unavoidable mistake To all which might be added that the Catholick or Universal Church not only at this Day but in former Ages has observed this Custom of Baptizing the Children of Christian Parents Now if Children have so good a Right to Baptism what shall be said of those Parents who â—light and neglect it and so deprive their poor Children of that which God their Heavenly Father hath ordained for so great and excellent purposes We see how careful Parents are if their Children have a Title to Houses and Lands or other Temporal Things to use their utmost Endeavours to make their Title as sure unto them as is possible And yet how sad is it to think that they are not at all careful to have their Children Baptized tho' God has appointed this Sacrament to be the Seal of his Covenant and an Evidence of that Right which Believers and their Children have to the Kingdom of Heaven 2. Duty to feason their Minds betimes with good Impressions Secondly When Children begin to speak and to discover some dawnings of Reason it is fit to season their Minds with some good Thoughts with some divine Impressions that Religion betimes may catch hold of their tender and innocent Minds before they are corrupted and defiled with bad Principles and vain and unreasonable Opinions which they are apt to learn too soon from evil Company Teach them who made them who dyed for them for what end they were made whither good Children go when they dye and whither naughty Children go what a place Heaven is and Hell c. Amongst other Things 't will be very useful to tell Children some of the most remarkable Histories in Scripture as so many Arguments and Motives to excite them to be good Children and to avoid all wicked and naughty Courses For Example tell them the Story of the Deluge how God punished the Old World because they were wicked but saved Noah Thereby take occasion to shew them the Danger of being wicked that sinning with Company will not preserve from Punishment what a Happy thing it is to be good and how kind the Lord is to such who keep his Commandments as Noah did To this purpose tell them also the Story of Sodom and Gomorrah c. How those Cities were consumed by Fire from Heaven for their great Wickedness and how Lot was preserved from that dreadful Destruction Tell them the History of David and Goliah that they may learn not to be proud of their Strength but may put their Trust in God who is able to save them from their mightiest Enemies Tell them the Story of the naughty Children at Bethel how they mocked the Old Prophet Elijah and how 42 of them were torn in pieces by two Bears
when I came forth out of Egypt c. And v. 14. And it shall be when thy Son asketh thee in time to come saying What is this to wit that is said about setting apart unto the Lord the First-born That thou shalt say unto him by strength of Hand the Lord brought us out from Egypt from the House of Bondage And it came to pass when Pharaoh would hardly let us go that the Lord slew all the First-born in the Land of Egypt Therefore I Sacrifice to the Lord all that openeth the Matrix but all the First-born of my Children I redeem Likewise Josh. 4 6 7. 'T is said When your Children ask their Fathers in time to come saying What mean you by these Stones Then ye shall answer them that the Waters of Jordan were cut off before the Ark of the Covenant of the Lord when it passed over Jordan And these Stones shall be a memorial unto the Children of Israel for ever See also Exod. 10. 1 2. Joel 1. 2 3 4. From all which it appears how important and necessary a Duty it is for Parents to acquaint their Children with the Providences of God a due sense whereof will above all other things tend to make them wise and good Some Directions to Parents how to render their Endeavours effectual Now to render your Admonitions and all other Endeavours effectual for the good of your Children First you must give them good Example when you bid them read or pray or partake of the Holy Sacrament or attend the publick Worship you must so far as is needful and fit do the same things your selves When you exhort them to be humble to be of a mild and gentle Temper to bear patiently uneasie things to be sober and temperate to be Charitable to the Poor to judge favourably of those who differ from them in small matters not to be unkind or uncivil to any tho' they agree not in their Opinion with them in some lesser points of Religion but to love all those who fear and love God and who are Followers of Jesus Christ. I say when you direct and exhort your Children to do such things you must joyn with your Instructions a suitable Example let it appear to them that you your selves are Humble Mild Patient Sober Charitable Kind and Loving to all who are sincerely Pious and Virtuous without making any difference on the account of Indifferent things I mean such things which God hath neither commanded nor forbidden This is the only way to make your Instructions and Admonitions successful when in this manner you go before them your selves in the way wherein you desire them to walk Children learn more by the Eye than by the Ear if they see you do contrary to what you advise them they will be apt to think you do not believe what you say or that you are very cruel and unmerciful towards them to bind heavy Burdens upon them and not to touch them your selves And if you should constrain your Children to do what you do not your selves what would it signifie It would only make them Hypocrites and Dissemblers to do that which they have no Heart unto and which they are not perswaded to be their Duty Such Children when once the restraint and force which is upon them is removed will be sure to give themselves the full swing in all manner of Folly they will do those things which they have seen in you and learned by your Example But if you shine before your Children in the constant Practice of true Piety walking in the Fear of God and in Obedience to all his Holy Commandments your Example will propagate Religion more effectually than all the Admonitions and Instructions in the World And besides the Influence which your Pious Example is apt to have on your Childrens lives this is the way for you to entail a Blessing on your Posterity The Just Man saith Solomon Prov. 20. 7. walketh in his Integrity his Children are blessed after him And Psal. 112. 2. 't is said His Seed shall be mighty upon Earth the Generation of the Vpright shall Blessed And Ex. 20. 6. God hath prâ—â—mised to shew Mercy unto Thousands 〈◊〉 them that love him and keep his Coâ—â—mandments 2dly Chuse good Coâ—â—pany for your Childreâ— so far as you have oppoâ—â—tunity and ability to 〈◊〉 it otherwise neither your Admoâ—â—tions nor Examples will signifie mucâ—â— Their ordinary Company if naughtâ— will pull down faster than you are aâ—â— to build Corrupt Nature is easâ— drawn away by the Example and Aâ—â—lurements of Sinners This is like gâ—â—ing down hill which is easie consideâ—â—ing Mens natural bent anâ— Inclination Whereâ—â— Self-denyal and mortifyinâ— our Lusts and Passions 〈◊〉 more difficult especially at first 〈◊〉 going up hill When therefore yoâ— see your Children falling into the acquaintance of Vicious and Foolish Persons delay not to rescue them froâ— the Snare to break off their Familiâ—â—rity that they be not corrupted thereâ—by and utterly ruined We see hoâ— careful People are to keep their Children from those who have the Small Pox or any other infectious Distemper and yet what a strange madness is it for them to trust them to the Society of those whose Lives and Manners are full of the deadly Poyson of Sin which infects and kills the Soul As you ought to do all you can to preserve your Children from all sorts of vicious Company so particularly from Flatterers Endeavour to save them from this dangerous Snare than which there can be nothing of more dreadful Consequence unto them Such vile and servile Society will very quickly pull down all that you have built They will utterly corrupt your Children and render their condition desperate For when once they are under the power of Flatterers the Gate is thenceforth shut against Truth and against plain and upright dealing when their delight is only in those who praise and commend them in all they do or say when such who admire them and who study nothing but to please them in every thing right or wrong are their only Favourites to be sure they who are their Best and Wisest and most Faithful Friends who tell them the truth and speak not so much what may be pleasing as what may be profitable unto them will not be very welcome or acceptable to them And because such Flatterers are found often amongst Servants who in hopeâ— of serving their covetous or ambitious or perhaps other base and wicked designs do make it their business by all sorts of vile Compliances to gain the Favour and Love of the Children of Richer or more Honourable Persons Therefore 't is not only the Duty but the Interest of Parents to be very careful what Servants they receive into their Family or what Persons they admit to stay in their House knowing that according to the Proverb One Scabbed Sheep will infect the whole Flock The Example of the Psalmist ought to be a Rule in this matter Psal.
use of them likewise and if they do not serve the turn then try the Rod Chasten thy Son says Solomon Prov. 19. 18. while there is hope and let not thy Soul spare for his crying And Ch. 13. 24. he saith He that spareth his Rod hateth his Son but he that loveth him Chasteneth him betimes But let this be always the last Remedy after you have in vain attempted their Reformation by milder and gentler Methods And when you use Severity do it with due moderation not exceeding the Quality of the Fault Beware of using great Severity when the Fault is very small and inconsiderable Respect must also be had to the Age Temper and Disposition of your Children if they are very young and tender your Correction must be the more gentle and moderate and if they are of a flexible and Ingenuous Temper you must be the more Favourable towards them Beware of correcting them when you find your Anger very hot for then you are apt to do more hurt than good Your Passion will hurry you if you restrain it not into somewhat or other very wicked as well as indiscreet it will make you do and say a great many things very unworthy of a Christian. Always therefore be careful that your Reason and not your Passion direct you in so important a matter as this is â—f once you fall into the rough severe and violent Method of dealing with your Children there are a great many Disadvantages will attend it First You discourage your Children you break their Spirits you make them unfit for any useful thing you tempt them to do such things as are hurtful to themselves and may prove grievous to you If Oppression makes a wise Man mad 't is no wonder if a Child or young Person is sadly disordered and made half mad by cruel and tyrannâ—câ—l usage Tho' it be a Fault in Children to be so yet Parents ought to be careful not to provoke them overmuch to wrath by a severe unmerciful carriage towards them 'T is not the less important and true because it is a common Observation to wit That a tender Sprig which grows crooked may be made straight by little and little if you bend it and handle it gently but if you bend it with great Force and Violence you may quickly break it Thus it is with Children generally who discover very early somewhat of crookedness in their Nature which is increased by evil Example if you use mild and gentle Methods to reform them temper'd now and then as need shall require with a little severity there is hopes that by degrees they will be reformed and made straight but if instead of this moderate course you use cruel Methods and deal rigidly and unmercifully with them you cannot expect any other but that their Spirits should be broken or hardened and so lose all sense of Ingenuity Secondly You kindle your own Passions you disorder your minds and accustom your selves to a fiery Temper you become fierce barbarous and savage whereby you turn one of your great Temporal Comforts into a grievous Cross and heavy Burden Thirdly You hereby likewise teach your Children through your Example to be of a passionate and violent Spirit and so you do them more hurt than all your Corrections and Instructions can do them good Never think to cure them of their Faults by your committing as bad your selves You must not do evil that good may come of it The Wrath of Man worketh not the Righteousness of God Fourthly You make your Children care less for your Corrections than otherwise they would do When you are always beating them in your Passion and tormenting them they must needs think that you do so not so much for any Fault they are guilty of as because you are very passionate and therefore must give your Passion a vent one way or other If therefore you would chasten your Children to good purpose do it when your Spirits are cool when your Reason is at hand to direct you and to keep you within bounds and not when you have lost your selves by being under the Power of a violent Passion If you are careful to follow this Christian Method you may then expect that God's kind Providence will second you in your Endeavours for reforming your Children Either they will grow better or however you will find Peace and Comfort when in this manner you govern your selves by the Laws of Religion and are not led by your unruly Passion That Parents may the better perform their Duty in correcting their Children they ought to observe and imitate the Example of our Heavenly Father who tho' whom he loveth he chasteneth Heb. 12. 6. yet he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the Children of Men. Lam. 3. 33. He does not make use of the Rod but when it is necessary when his Mercy and Kindness do not prevail And when he does correct in the midst of Wrath he remembreth Mercy When he visits the Transgressions of his Children with the Rod and their Iniquity with Stripes Nevertheless his loving Kindness he does not take utterly from them nor suffer his Faithfulness to fail Ps. 89. 32 33. He is always ready to receive his penitent Children to have Mercy upon them He does not keep his Anger for ever A due Consideration of these things will direct Parents how to correct their Children both as to Time and Measure To what hath been said it will not be unfit to add That to render Reproof and Correction the more effectual it is necessary that both Parents concur therein not as if it were proper for them both together or one after another to reprove or chasten their Children for the same Fault for this would be rather very improper for the most part But when one of the Parents chides of corrects their Children the other ought so far to concur as to approve what is done and shew their displeasure towards those Children who have done that which deserves Chastisement They must not oppose one another in this matter when one reproves the other must not approve and commend when one condemns the other must not justifie when one endeavours to correct the other must not hinder it Otherwise the Children will be lost for it is not likely they will amend their Faults if they see that either of their Parents is their Patron to encourage and defend them or to excuse and extenuate what they do amiss They who are wise Parents ought to be so far from doing this that tho' one of them should happen to reprove or chasten a Child when there is no very great necessity for so doing yet the other Parent whether Father or Mother ought to conceal their present thoughts and wait a fit occasion to discourse the matter together that such unnecessary Reproofs and Chastisements may be prevented for the future If Parents do not carefully observe this Rule their Children will be sure to take notice of their Indiscretion and to make
a very bad use of it so as to despise their reproofs and chastenings when they are more just and necessary Fourthly When it pleaseth God to visit them with sickness or any other adversity be sure to do all that you can to bear in upon their minds a sense of those things you are most desirous to have them touched with and which in time of their health they made but very little account of Affliction is the time in which God useth to work upon the hearts of People most powerfully and effectually then he awakeneth them and convinceth them of their sad and dangerous state he casts them down that being made sensible of their sin and danger he may again raise them up and speak comfortably to them I will allure her and bring her into the Wilderness and speak comfortably to her Hos. 2. 4. Therefore all they who sincerely desire to reclaim their Children or others from their bad and foolish courses ought to take the opportunity of their Sickness their Pain and Grief their Losses and Disappointments and of any other sorts of Troubles and Afflictions wherein they are that then they may suggest to them such counsels and advices as are proper for their Instruction their conviction and amendment At other times there are a great many things which are apt to hinder good Counsel from entring into the mind or from making any deep impression thereon Pleasures and Vanities are apt to choak the good Seed But when they are afflicted and humbled a little by some outward pressure or bodily distemper they are thereby somewhat better disposed to hear Friendly Admonitions and Counsels and to think a little more seriously of their ways and doings It is good for a Man that he bear the Yoke in his Youth He sitteth alone and keepeth silence c. Lam. 3. 27 28. When it hath pleased God to restore your Children to health or to deliver them from any other Affliction fail not to put them in mind of their afflicted Estate and of God's goodness towards them when they were in adversity Endeavour to make them sensible for what end God hath been so kind to them to wit that they may amend their Lives and bring forth Fruits meet for Repentance Strive to keep them mindful of their Purposes and Resolutions and press them to the fulfilling of them Stir them up to be thankful to God for his Mercy and to be very watchful lest Satan prevail over them any more Fifthly Be earnest in your Prayers to God daily for them that he would make them what he requires them to be his dutiful and obedient Children and Servants that he would give them his Holy Spirit to sanctifie and cleanse them to enlighten and direct them and to assist and strengthen them that he would season their Hearts with his Fear and Love that he would turn them from Sin and Folly and incline their Hearts to keep his Precepts always even unto the end that he would hold up their goings in his Paths that their footsteps may not slide that he would be their God and Guide their Sun and Shield and their Portion for ever that he would give every one of them those things which be best and most needful for them that he would Sanctifie every State and Condition of Life wherein his Providence doth place them If they are in a healthful and prosperous State pray to God to make them sensible of and thankful for his undeserved goodness and that he would preserve them from the snares and dangers to which Prosperity does expose them You see what was Job's constant course at the end of his Childrens Feasting Job 1. 5. He sent and Sanctified them and rose up early in the Morning and Offered burnt Offerings according to the number of them all For he said it may be my Sons have sinned and cursed God in their Hearts c. Again if they are in Sickness or any other Adversity beg of God to Sanctifie their Afflictions to make them blessed and happy means of their Reformation or of their Improvement in true Piety When you are about to instruct to admonish to reprove or to correct your Children pray to God to direct you by his good Spirit to do your Duty in an acceptable manner and that he would incline and dispose them to their Duty and make them Gainers by what you do or say for their good 'T is not always necessary for you in every particular Admonition or Reproof c. which you use towards your Children to make a Solemn Prayer by retiring into your Closet this ought to be done upon extraordinary Occasions but ordinarily it will suffice if you lift up your Hearts unto God in a short and fervent Ejaculation for his Direction and Blessing in what you are to do or say to your Children You have great encouragement to do this because you are assured that God heareth Prayer he hath said Every one that asketh receiveth So that either he will grant your Children what you beg for them or if they render themselves unworthy of the Mercy and Kindness of God by their perverseness and stubbornness yet you are sure of one thing that your Prayers are not lost they shall return into your Bosom God will plentifully reward your Piety your Charity and Zeal with more Grace here and Glory hereafter Now if it be the Duty of Parents in this manner to pray for their Children what shall be said of those who instead of praying for their Children curse them and use fearful Imprecations against them How dreadful a thing is it for those to whom it belongs to bless their Children instead of doing this to curse them How unnatural a thing is it instead of contributing to their Happiness to do their utmost to make them Eternally miserable 'T is true some Children are very perverse and wicked guilty of great stubbornness and disobedience and of great contempt aud neglect of their Parents But yet for all this Parents ought never to give over praying for them and if at any time their Passion and discontent occasion in their minds any thing that looks like a tendency to evil wishes or Imprecations against their Children let them with as great care endeavour to be delivered therefrom as they would from Fire if it broke forth in their Houses And indeed if they who have the worst Children did but consider what woful Effects do often attend such rash curses they would beware of using them though never so much provoked It is very observable that God often in his wrath and Vengeance heareth such Imprecations when uttered by Parents whereby he sheweth his just Displeasure and Indignation both against them and their Children From what hath been said Parents may see what they must do to render their Admonitions and all their other endeavours effectual for the good of their Children Some Motives to excite Parents to do these things Now to stir you up to
It will direct them when their Neighbour or Friend is overtaken with a fault to restore him with the Spirit of Meekness It will make them not to seek their own things only but likewise their Neighbours good as well as their own It will not only restrain them from what is manifestly evil but will also make them careful to avoid every appearance of it to shun the very thoughts and desire of Wickedness It will cause them to be content with what God bestows upon them and not to envy others not to covet their Goods nor wrong them by word or deed And â—in a word the lively Impressions of Religion will make them careful to keep their Consciences Void of Offence both towards God and towards Men. Now if these Rules of our Holy Religion had their due Influence on the minds of People what a Blessed and Happy Society would there be in the World How easie would every Man be How well-pleased How safe and secure from hurt and danger How confident in his Friends Neighbours and Acquaintance Knowing and being well assured that they fear and love God and therefore will do no wrong As the Consideration of these things ought to make Parents very careful to do all that ever they can towards the right Education of their Children so iâ— ought mightily to excite all Christian Rulers and Governours to do their part in this matter particularly to take care that there be Schools every where and that such Persons be chosen to Educate Children at School as not only are skilful to teach them to Read Write c. But who may contribute likewise towards the seasoning their minds with Religious Principles who will look upon it as one great part of their Business to endeavour to possess them with the Fear and Love of God How worthy of Christian Magistrates were it also to take care that all Schools and Colleges be visited often by fit Persons that the Diligent may be encouraged and that the Remiss and Negligent or the Vicious and Prophane may be discouraged by all Just and Lawful means These things cannot be look'd upon as Forreign to the Magistrates Office if it be but duely considered how much Benefit comes to the State by the good Education of Children and how much mischief cometh thereto by the neglect of their Education Of old the Persians Lacedemonians Cretians and others thought it their Interest to see to the right Education of Children they did not think it safe to leave so great a Trust wholly in the hands of Parents who through Partiality Fondness or Indiscretion might utterly spoil them and thereby do unspeakable Mischief to the State And no doubt till once all Christian Rulers and Governours both in Church and State make it more their business to see to the right Education of Children there is no great hopes of ever seeing any considerable Reformation in the World Fifthly If you neglect to do these things for the Souls of your Children and leave them to themselves to do as they list then you may expect that their Sins and Follies their Pride and Passion their Gluttony and Drunkenness their Cursing and Swearing their Lying and Deceiving their Malice and Revenge their Chambering and Wantonness their Atheism and Irreligion will not only prove Tragical to them but occasion great uneasiness Vexation and Grief of Mind to you Prov. 10. 1. A foolish Son is a heaviness to his Mother and Chap. 17. 21. He that begetteth a Fool doth it to his Sorrow and the Father of a Fool hath no Joy 'T is true 't is not in the Power of Parents to infuse good Qualities into the minds of their Children some are so very perverse that all that can be said or done by Parents is altogether slighted and neglected by them We know that Abraham had an Ishmael as well as an Isaac and Isaac an Esau as well as a Jacob and Jacob a Reuben as well as a Joseph However such Parents who have the affliction of sad and wretched Children have some comfort and satisfaction in having done their Duty for them and in endeavouring to approve themselves unto God who will accept of their honest and sincere endeavours and will crown them with glorious Rewards But it is otherwise when Children prove bad through the too great Indulgence or the Negligence and bad Example of Parents What a deep wound must it needs give them when they begin to consider that they did not their part to make their Children good and were so far from it that they corrupted and ruined them by their bad Example and over great kindness and indulgence Such Parents do often eat the Fruits of their cruel fondness and feel the sad Effects of their own bad Example by means of their Prophane and Graceless Children As God doth often visit the Iniquity of the Parents upon the Children so when Children are suffered to go on in their foolish and wicked courses through the indiscreet gentleness and kindness of Parents who perhaps are in other respects good People the Lord doth sometimes punish such Parents and bring Temporal Judgments upon them Ely was a great instance of this 1 Sam. 2. and 22. He heard all that his Sons did unto all Israel which were things of a very vile Nature whereby as it 's said Chap. 3. and 13. they made themselves vile that is hateful to God and base and contemptible to all the People by their lewd and abominable Practices Ely did reprove them but it was too coldly and gently Chap. 2. 23 24 And he said unto them Why do you such things for I hear of your evil dealings by all this People Nay my Sons for it is no good Report that I hear you make the Lord's People to transgress Besides his reproof he ought to have restrained them Ch. 3. and 13. as being High Priest a Judge and Chief Governour amongst the People He ought to have put them out of the Priesthood as accurssed Persons and Executed the Laws of God against them Which because he did not therefore God denounced very dreadful Judgments against him by a Prophet whom he sent unto him Chap. 2. 31 3â— 33 34 36. and Chap. 3. 13 14. And in Chap. 4. we find his two Sons Hophâ—â— and Phineas were slain in Battel by the Philistines and the Ark of God was taken upon the news whereof the Old Man fell from off his Seat backwards and his Neck brake and he died We see likewise in David what was the Effect of his too great indulgence to some of his Children especially Absalom and Adonijah who not only wrought their own destruction but proved great Crosses to their aged Father Here it will not be unfit to relate what St. Augustin tells us of the sad Effects of leaving a Child to himself and not endeavouring to Educate him aright The Story is this There was one Cyril a Citizen of Hippo who having one only Son was so fond of him that
he avoided doing or saying any thing that tended to make his Son uneasie The young Man finding himself at Liberty through his Father's Indulgence to live as he thought good gave up himself to all manner of Folly particularly to Drunkenness Notwithstanding this his Father still continued to be as fond as ever and would not do any thing to restrain him from doing what he had a mind to The consequence whereof was very dreadful and terrible for a little time after this wretched Son coming home very drunk killed his Father as also his Mother then big with Child he attempted to have Ravished his Sisters of whom two were Mortally Wounded by him Such sad Examples as these ought to awaken Parents to do what they can to Educate their Children in the Fear of God to train them up in the Study and Practice of true Piety and to restrain them by all due means from Sin and Folly Which things if they fail to do they may expect sooner or later to reap the Bitter and Cursed Fruits of so sad a Neglect Advice to Parents PART II. The Duties of Parents as to their Childrens Bodies HAving treated of the Duty of Parents towards their Children as to their Souls the better part I shall next shew what their Duties are as to the Bodies of their Children First It belongs to the Mother to give suck to her Children unless some bodily Imperfection great Weakness or Sickness or her circumstances in the World make it impossible or very dangerous and inconvenient both for her and the Children or for either For this end it is that God hath given Breasts unto Women and caused the Milk to flow into them that there may be nourishment suitable to the tender Infants in a readiness for them Neither can we suppose any other body capable of shewing equal Care and Love to the Children with that which it is natural for the Mother to express to the Fruit of her own Womb. Besides this it cannot well be imagined that the Milk of any other Body can be so fit for the Child as its own Mothers if she be but in tollerable Health We see that Sarah did not think that the greatness of her Quality or her great Age did excuse her from this Natural Obligation of giving Suck unto her Child Gen. 21. 7. And she said who would have said unto Abraham that Sarah should have given Children Suck For I have born him a Son in my Old Age. Which words suppose it to be the unquestionable Duty as well as common Practice of Mothers to give Suck to their Children When God chose a Nurse for Moses Exod. 2. 8. he led the Handmaid of Pharaoh's Daughter to the Child's Mother We find that amongst other Characters of a Woman that was fit to be taken into the number of Widows there was this If she hath brought up Children 1 Tim. 5. 10. or as the words may be Translated If she has nourished or fed her Children It was reckoned as a sign of God's Wrath Hos. 9. 14. To have dry Breasts And therefore they cannot be accounted Innocent who without apparent Necessity dry up their Breasts and so deprive their Children of that Food and Nourishment which Nature designed for them The words of the Psalmist David Psal. 22. 9. do not only imply that his Mother gave him Suck but they also shew that it was the practice of all Mothers to do the like to their Children Thou didst make me hope saith he when I was upon my Mother's Breasts Solomon likewise takes it for granted that Children of the same Womb should Suck of the same Breasts Cant. 8. 1. O that thou wert as my Brother that Sucked the Breasts of my Mother To all which might be added the words of the Woman to our Saviour Luke 11. 27. Blessed is the Womb that bare thee and the Paps which thou hast Sucked Which words suppose that she who bare him did also give him Suck We find that amongst the very Heathens they were accounted but half Mothers who neglected to give Suck to their Children One of their Ancient Authors speaking on this Subject saith How unnatural a thing is this how imperfect and only to be a Mother by halves having brought forth a Child presently to throw it away having nourished in her Womb somewhat that she could not see not now to nourish it with her Milk when she sees it alive and calling for her Assistance We see likewise that Nature hath impressed on the most Savage and wild Creatures a readiness to draw out their Breasts to their young Lam. 4. 3. Even the Sea Monsters draw out the Breast they give Suck to their young ones And shall Women degenerate into such unnatural Barbarity towards their young as is not to be met with amongst the most Savage Creatures Shall they whose Love and Tenderness has been so noted and admired prove unkind and cruel to the fruit of their own Womb 2 dly When Children are fit for stronger Food Parents are not to indulge them too much in gratifying the curiosity and daintiness of their Palate which not only is apt to make them too soft and tender but likewise disposeth them to Gluttony and Sensuality to make their Belly their God It is fit to accustom them to a plain and simple Diet which is generally more wholsome than that sort of Food which is very artificially prepared The State of all Humane Things is very uncertain they who have at present all manner of things in greatest plenty and variety may meet with changes and vicissitudes It 's therefore a part of the Wisdom of Parents to accustom their Children so far as their Health and Strength can bear it to eat any sort of Food that so if God sees fit to change their outward condition and circumstances they may be the more fit and able to endure such an alteration Thirdly As to theâ— Habit and Apparel Parents ought to cloathâ— them decently but not gorgeously Fineries and Gayeties 〈◊〉 Apparel are apt to make People especially younger Persons vain 〈◊〉 conceited to value themselves upoâ— their gay Cloathing It is fit ofteâ— to suggest to them that their Cloathâ— and Apparel are but borrowed Feathers and therefore that it is a greaâ— Folly to be proud of that which is 〈◊〉 their own but which they owe to thâ— Sheep or Goats to the Worms 〈◊〉 Bowels of the Earth It is not fit for Parents to make too great distinction among their Children as to their Apparel because this is apt to cause discontentâ— and Jealousies Hatred and Envy Contentions and Quarrellings amongâ—â— them Joseph's Coat of many colours which his old Father Jacob gave him caused his Brethren to hate and enâ—â— him and at last to conspire most wickedly against him Gen. 37. 3 4 c. The same is to be said as to their Diet and other things wherein it is no small part of the Wisdom of Parents not to shew too much
is said of Ahaziah King of Judah 2 King 8. 27. That he walked in the way of the House of Ahab and did Evil in the sight of the Lord as did the House of Ahab for he was the Son in Law of the House of Ahab Thirdly Parents are to provide for them if they can somewhat that may be a Foundation for their Comfortable Subsistance in the World which by the Blessing of God on their Callings may be improved towards their living decently and honestly For this end they ought to keep within Compass and to avoid all vain and unnecessary expences Parents ought to lay up for the Children says the Apostle 2 Cor. 12. 14. And 2 Tim. 5. 8. He that provideth not for his own is worse than an Infidel Parents are not to propose to themselves the rendring their Children very Great and Rich But as they themselves having Food and Rayment are to be therewith content so if they can get Necessaries for their Children they ought to rest satisfied and be thankful Our Life that is the happiness of our Life doth not consist in the abundance of the things we possess Luke 12. 15. Tho' you are to provide for your Children yet you are not out of too great thoughtfulness about the time to come to restrain your selves from doing all necessary Offices of Charity to the Poor who do now stand in need of your help Never neglect a present Duty for fear of an uncertain inconvenience You are forbid to take thought for the Morrow Mat. 6. 34. But you are required to do good to all Men while you have opportunity Gal. 6. 10. To cast your Bread upon the Waters to give a Portion to seven as also unto eight because you know not what evil there may be in the Earth Eccles. 11. 1 2. This is the way to lay up Treasures for your Children to entail upon them great Blessings to make God their Guardian to leave them to his Merciful and kind Providence and to his Almighty Protection Psal. 37. 25 26. I have been young and now am old yet have I not seen the Righteous forsaken nor his Seed begging Bread He is ever Merciful and lendeth and his Seed is Blessed So that by your Bounty and Charity you bring your Wares to a good Market you put forth your Money into God's hands who will not fail to repay it with Usury For as the Wise Man saith He that hath Pity upon the Poor lendeth unto the Lord and that which he hath given will he pay him again Prov. 19. 17. The Liberal Soul shall be made fat and he that watereth shall be watered also himself Prov. 11. 25. He that gives to the Poor shall not lack Prov. 28. 27. And Deut. 15. 10. it is written Thou shalt surely give him to wit thy poor Brother and thy heart shall not be grieved when thâ—â— givest unto him because that for this thing the Lord thy God shall bless thee in all thy Works and in all that thâ—â— puttest thine hands unto And in the Epistle to the Hebrews chap. 6. v. 10. it is said God is not unrighteous to forget your Work and Labour of Love which you have shewed towards his Name in that you have ministred to the Saints and do minister From all which it appears that Charity and Liberality are the best Husbandry As you are to beware lest your care for your Children make you neglect necessary Duties of Charity so you are to take heed lest you use any unlawful Method to get Wealth to bestow upon them This is not a way to make them Rich for such Riches seldom prosper There is a Curse which attends all unlawful Gain and like a Canker eats it out and consumes it All Ages and Places afford Examples which confirm this Observation Wealth gotten by Vanity saith Solomon shall be diminished Prov. 13. 11. And again Prov. 10. 3. He saith Treasures of Wickedness profit nothing And Jer. 17. 11. 't is said As the Partridge sitteth on Eggs and hatcheth them not so be that getteth Riches and not by right shall leave them in the midst of his days and at his end shall be a Fool. A small Estate got honestly is a hundredfold better than a vast and plentiful Estate purchased by unrighteous Methods A little saith the Psalmist Psal. 37. 16. that a Righteous Man hath is better than the Riches of many Wicked And Better saith Solomon Prov. 16. 8. is a little with Righteousness than great Revenues without Right As it is the Duty of Parents by all Honest and Lawful ways to provide somewhat for their Children and to preserve it for them so they ought in due time to bestow upon them more or less of what they have acquired and purchased and not wholly to delay the doing of this until their own Decease They ought so far as they can to afford their Children whatever their present Necessities or their Lawful Occasions do require And the more Virtuous and Industrious they see their Children they ought to give them so much the more liberally that they may have not only what is absolutely necessary for them but likewise what they may improve for the bettering their Estate in the World that they may live decently and may also have somewhat wherewith to help and relieve others How great a Reproach is it to some Persons who have a great deal of wealth out of a woful covetous Temper to suffer their Children to go in Rags and to depend upon the Charity or good Nature of others for a piece of Bread Such Parents must needs be very unnatural whose Bowels are not stirred with Compassion towards their Children when they see them in distress and want and who do not all they can for their necessary Supply and Assistance But tho Parents ought to give their Children chearfully and seasonably more or less of their Worldly Goods yet they must have a care lest out of an indiscreet fondness they give them more than their own circumstances will permit How many sad Examples are there of Children who have either wholly neglected their Parents or who have not cared for them as they ought to have done so soon as they were put into the Possession of their Estate and Fortune Whereas formerly they seemed to carry themselves with all possible Duty and Affection no sooner did their Parents bestow all they had or at least the greatest part upon them but they begun to grow Insolent towards them and went on to so great a height of undutifulness that their poor Parents were forced to leave them and thenceforth to live in a very melancholly and mournful condition 'T is therefore the Wisdom of Parents so to give their Children as still to reserve to themselves what is needful for their own support They ought rather to keep their Children in a dependance upon them than that they should depend upon their Children To this purpose is the Advice of the Son of Syrach
Ecclesiasticus 33. 18 19 c. Hear me O ye great Men of the People and hearken with your Ears ye Rulers of the Congregation Give not thy Son and Wife thy Brother and Friend power over thee while thou livest and give not thy Goods to another lest it repent thee and thou intreat for the same again As long as thou livest and hast Breath in thee give not thy self over to any For better it is that thy Children should seek to thee than that thou shouldest stand to their Courtesie In all thy works keep to thy self the Preeminence leave not a stain in thine Honour At the time when thou shalt end thy days and finish thy Life distribute thy Inheritance 4 thly 'T is the Duty of Parents to have their Will and Testament in readiness They ought while they are in Health to determine the several Proportions of their Worldly Goods which they intend to bestow on their Children and not to leave the doing of this till the very immediate approach of Death A wise Man ought so to dispose of his affairs in time that when he comes to die he may have as little work to do as is possible 'T is very unfit on many accounts to leave the ordering of those things which relate to a Man's Estate unto the last hour For 1. No Man knows if he shall have a leisurely Passage out of the World so as to have time to settle his affairs a thousand Accidents may prevent this of which see Discourse about the right way of Improving our Time Motive 2 d. 2 dly Tho' you should have time on your Death-Bed for ordering your Temporal Affairs yet what signifies Time considered abstractly and separately if you are not fit to use it For ought you know your Sickness then may so affect your Head that you shall not be able to act any longer as rational Creatures but must be governed and taken care of by others as if you were Children upon the Breasts or perhaps as Persons in a much more sad and lamentable condition Now therefore it is fit for all who are wise to provide against such Casualties and not to delay so important and necessary a work to an uncertain Moment 3 dly Supposing you have a leisurely passage out of this Life together with the use of your Reason all the while yet consider that you are likely to have enough to do in your last hours tho' the ordering of your Temporal concerns do not then lie upon your Hands Your Spiritual Enemies will very probably at that time muster up all their Forces and use their utmost Effort either to conquer you or to frighten and disturb you You will then find that all your Preparation is little enough that you may finish your course with Joy The sight of Death will make you see a great many things far otherwise than you saw them in time of Health The things of this Life will then appear very little and inconsiderable and Eternity will appear as a vast and boundless Ocean Your good actions will appear but very few and imperfect and your Sins and Follies very many and great Thus it is generally with the best and most Holy Persons and therefore 't is your wisest and safest course to dispatch not only as much of your great Business as you can before the approach of Death but likewise to dispose of your Worldly Concerns in such a manner that they may not prove a hindrance and a burthen to you at that time when you are to have a sharp Conflict with the King of Terrors But besides all these Considerations which ought to excite you to put your House in order in time of your Health consider farther that by so doing you will prevent a great deal of Trouble and Confusion and of Strife and Division which oft-times happen amongst Children when their several Portions are not assigned them by the Will of their Parents How sad is it to reflect upon so many Instances of this kind as have happened in our days It cannot but be look'd upon as a great Reproach to our Holy Religion to see Brethren and other near Relations contending and going to Law with one another and thereby laying the Foundation of lasting Variance and Discord of Bitterness and Wrath of Anger and Clamour of Malice and Envy c. which too often are concluded with the Desolation and Destruction of one or other of the contending Parties if not of the whole Family How needful therefore is it for Parents to make their Will in good time when they are in Health when their Understanding is good when their Memory is perfect when they are able to think of Business and to judge calmly and discreetly of what they do when they can call to mind what they owe and what is owing to them And because of the great Falsehood and Wickedness of the World by which it often happens that the true sense of Mens words are perverted it is likewise very fit that Parents in setting their House in Order have the advice of those who are Skilful Upright and Faithful Persons by whose Assistance their Will may be framed in such Terms and Expressions as may so far as is possible prevent the Cavils of Crafty and Ungodly Men. As Parents ought to use a great deal of Caution and Circumspection in all things relating to their last Will so particularly in the choice of Guardians for their Children who after their own Decease may act the part of Parents towards them and may promote their Happiness and Welfare both in Temporal and Spiritual things If you know amongst your near Relations those who are Wise and Prudent True and Upright Persons who fear and love God and of whose sincere kindness you have had long experience 't is very reasonable to prefer them before Strangers But if you have found others more sincere and upright more prudent and discreet more kind and loving more constant in their Friendship and more faithful to your true Interest than your nearer Relations have been you ought rather to entrust your Children to their care than to those who tho' your Kinsmen have given you no great ground to expect much kindness and faithfulness at their hands towards your Children If they have not been very faithful to you 't is but madness to expect that they should prove more Faithful to them Tho' they may grow better yet no wise Man ought to trust so great and dear a concern to such an uncertainty Thus I have shewed you what are the principal Duties you owe to the Souls and Bodies of your Children and what you are to do for them as to their outward Estate The above mentioned particulars earnestly recommended to Parents FRom what hath been said you may see what a weighty and difficult Charge you have the sense whereof should excite you to beg of God earnestly every day that he would direct and assist you to perform the Duties that belong
to Christian Parents That you may the better act your part 't is fit for you when you call your selves to an account about your Lives and Conversations to make enquiry particularly how you perform the Duties of Parents towards your Children as to their Souls their Bodies and Outward Concerns And if upon serious enquiry you find that you sincerely endeavour to do whatever you know your selves to be bound to do for them then bless and praise God who gives you both to will and to do according to his good Pleasure Beg his pardon for those Imperfections and Defects that attend all Humane Actions Resolve to go on and not to grow weary in your Duty towards them that so they may be as happy in all respects as is possible for you by the help of God to make them But if upon inquiry you find that you have been very negligent in your duty towards your Children that you have done very little good for their Souls and not what you should and might have done for their Bodies and outward Estate and that perhaps you have done them a great deal of hurt by your Evil Counsel and Prophane and Wretched Example that you have led them on in the Broad Way which leads to the Chambers of Death that you have robbed God who bestowed them on you of their Service and Obedience and have made them the Servants of Sin that you have contributed to the making them Heirs of Wrath and Children of Disobedience who were made by their Baptism Children of God and Inheritors of the Kingdom of Heaven that you have done what tended to destroy eternally those Souls and Bodies which God intrusted with you that you might take care of them and do what you could to make them happy If I say upon enquiry into your hearts and lives you find your selves guilty of those things how great reason have you to be in bitterness and grief of Heart to weep and lament to abhor your selves in Dust and Ashes to confess and acknowledge your Sins with great Humility and Contrition to implore the Divine Mercy and Forgiveness with all earnestness for the sake of his dear Son to resolve and purpose sincerely to amend your ways and doings to beg Grace from God that he would assist you that he would compass you about with his Salvation and never leave you nor forsake you that he would give you his Holy Spirit to sanctifie you to wash and cleanse you to lead and guide you to support and strengthen you to revive and quicken you to carry you from strength to strength and from Grace to Grace till you come and appear before him in Sion Consider the particular things wherein you have hurt the Souls of your Children and failed in your Duty to them as to their Bodies and Outward Concerns And the more you find you have done amiss resolve so much the more to be zealous to do them good to double your diligence in promoting the welfare and happiness both of their Souls and Bodies Tell them so far as is meet what you now see and feel let them know that you have been out of the way that you have misled them and brought both your selves and them in danger of being undone and ruined Eternally Tell them what you resolve to do and what you and they ought to do and must do or else that you will certainly perish Delay not to do this one moment fly like a Bird out of the Snare of the Fowler Your Souls lie at the stake and therefore do what Men use to do to save their Lives Skin for Skin and all that a Man hath will be give for his Life Men are ready to part with any thing to save their Lives They 'l part with House and Lands with Silver and Gold with their whole Estate and Substance to save their Bodies alive which must die at last and for ought they know may die within a very few days or hours How much more ought you that you may save your own Souls and the Souls of your Children to part with your â—ile and unruly Lusts and Passions your vain foolish Habits and Customs which are your reproach and dishonour which are the worst things in the World which can do you no good if you hold them still but will certainly do you a great deal of mischief They will prove the cause of your destruction they will deprive you of all that is good and excellent they will cut you off from the favour of God the Love of Christ and the fellowship of the Blessed Spirit they will likewise deprive you of the Assistance and Ministry of the Holy Angels and the Comfortable Society of the Saints departed they will exclude you for ever from the Kingdom of Heaven the Crown of Righteousness the Peace the Joy the Love and Glory of the future State All this your sins will deprive you of and instead thereof they will expose you to the Wrath of God to the devouring fire to Everlasting Burnings to blackness of darkness to weeping and gnashing of Teeth to the wretched and cursed Company of Devils and damned Souls to the Worm which never dieth which will gnaw you and torment you for ever And will you chuse all this rather than part with your Lusts that you may be for ever happy and have fulness of Joy and Pleasures for evermore Will you be so mad as to prefer Hell and Death everlasting Misery and Woe to Heaven and Everlasting Life to Blessedness and Glory And will you still continue to be so cruel to your poor Children as to draw them along with you to the bottomless Pit Now is the time for you to become either happy or miserable if you repent and amend and act the part of Wise and Religious Parents you may be happy for God will have Mercy upon you Isa. 55. 7. Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous Man his Thoughts And let him return unto the Lord and he will have Mercy upon him and to our God for he will abundantly pardon Follow therefore the Example of the Psalmist Psal. 119. 59 60. I thought on my ways and turned my feet unto thy Testimonies I made haste and delayed not to keep thy Commandments Resolve without delay to forsake your wicked Customs and Practices Begin in earnest to work out your own Salvation and do all that lies in your power to make your Children wise and good But if instead of this you continue in your sin and folly setting at naught God's Counsels and despising his Reproofs putting the Evil day far from you promising your selves peace and safety tho' you walk after your own Hearts Lusts making a mock at Sin and laughing at all that is sacred and serious and by your wicked Example destroying the Souls and Bodies of your poor Children then assure your selves God will not be mocked he will at last whet his Sword and bend his Bow and make ready his Arrows against his
to their Fighting and Wrestling against their Enemies and bestowed on them a Crown of Glory and an Everlasting Inheritance when he hath broken their Bonds asunder wherein they were held and kept in Captivity and Slavery and hath put them into a state of perfect and glorious Freedom The consideration of these things should mitigate and asswage your Sorrow and Grief and fill you with unspeakable Comfort and Gladness But some are apt to say I should rejoyce if I thought that my Children who are dead were in Heaven But this I do not know As to this you are not to trouble your thoughts about it for God does not see fit to acquaint you with such things Secret things belong to God and things revealed to us and to our Children Deut. 29. 29. If your Children while they were alive minded good things and if you did your part to instruct them and to make them what God requires them to be you are not to be any further solicitous about their Everlasting state You are to hope that they are very happy and you are to comfort your selves with these thoughts Others are apt to say I am afraid that my Children are not in a happy state they did very bad things and used bad Company and therefore I have cause to fear and to be troubled about them now that they are dead As to such Parents who have had wretched Children they ought not to suffer their minds to be disordered and oppressed with Grief and Sorrow because their Children who died were wicked If they did their Duty to make them better if they advised and admonished them if they reproved them and as was fitting chastened them if they desired others to deal with them to see what they could do towards the reclaiming of them if they prayed to God for them and gave them a good Example They are not any further to be troubled and disquieted concerning them when God takes them into his own hand He is wise and good holy and just he does all things well for excellent and glorious ends and therefore Parents ought to leave them to his Disposal who is the Supreme Governour of the World and Judge of the whole Earth Whatever he does whether in Mercy or Justice is always best The Inhabitants of the other World who are translated into a state of Heavenly Glory are not under the power of such passions and partialities as govern us here below The glorified Parents of damned Children are not under any uneasiness on that or any other account The Will of God and his Glory is their all they know that whatever he does is most perfectly just and good and for his Honour and therefore all things afford them great Pleasure and Delight true and lasting Joy and Satisfaction of mind There 's nothing able to interrupt the happiness and joy of those in Glory They are perfectly and eternally delivered from all sort of evils both of sin and punishment They are placed above the reach of whatever may render them in the least uneasie But there is a third sort of those who are troubled not only because their Children were bad and prophane but because they were so through their example or neglect As for such I have already in general shewed them what they ought to do I shall only add That since they have been so faulty and defective in their Duty towards their Deceased Children they ought to be the more careful of those who are yet alive and to do all that is possible to make them what God requires them to be As to those who have no more Children left them it would be very fit for them to take into their care one or more Children upon whom they may bestow all that pains and care which they should have bestowed in the right Education of their own and endeavour by God's help to make them truly Pious and Religious and Patterns of all sorts of Virtue to others This is an Office which will be very acceptable to God and one of the best demonstrations which Parents can make of the sincerity of their Repentance for their not having done their Duty to their own Children Fourthly Consider that there will be a Resurrection of all those that are dead The mighty Power of God which made all things out of nothing will also gather together the scattered dust of those who are deceased and will reform and rebuild as it were their bodies which are fallen down and consumed He will raise them up again in a more excellent perfect and glorious manner Then shall you meet with your Children and Friends who died in the Lord and behold them after another manner than you saw them here in this World Instead of weak and diseased bodies you shall see them strong vigorous and lively bodies Instead of frail and dying bodies you shall see immortal and incorruptible bodies Instead of filthy and vile bodies you shall see pure and glorious bodies And you shall see them so as to be with them for ever so as never any more to be separated from them by death or any other thing for you and they shall die no more 1 Cor. 15. 42 43 44. So also is the resurrection of the dead It is sown in corruption it is raised in incorruption it is sown in dishonour it is raised in glory It is sown in weakness it is raised in power It is sown a natural body it is raised a spiritual body And vers 53. This corruptible must put on incorruption and this mortal must put on immortality How gladly would poor People part with their dearest Children if they could be assured of seeing them again in an honourable state and condition exalted to great Dignity and Honour And will not you who have the hopes of a glorious Resurrection be comforted in the absence of your Children When their merciful God and Father takes them away from you unto himself not to do them hurt but good to make them happy and blessed with himself for ever to bestow upon them what Eye hath not seen nor Ear heard nor which hath entred into the Heart of Man to conceive Consider the words of the Apostle to the Thessalonians 1 Epist. 4. 13 14. But I would not have you to be ignorant Brethren concerning them which are asleep that ye sorrow not even as others which have no hope For if we believe that Jesus dyed and rose again even so them which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him Fifthly Your giving way to excessive Grief and Mourning can do you no good but will certainly do you a great deal of hurt and mischief in many respects It cannot bring back your Children that are dead Though you should break your Hearts into a thousand pieces by your weeping and mourning and waste and consume your years in constant heaviness and sorrow tho' you should never henceforth allow your selves one moment of relaxation of mind after all you must go to
Law of Moses that thou mayest prosper in all that thou doest and whithersoever thou turnest thy self That the Lord may confirm his Word which he spake concerning me c. 2 dly Pray to God to bless them to sanctifie them and to preserve them that he would never leave them nor forsake them that he would be their God and Guide and their Portion for ever that he would possess them with his fear and keep them in his love and preserve them from sin and from all their Spiritual Enemies and that he would order all things for their good The fervent Prayer of a Righteous Man availeth much at all times but never more than when he is stepping into Eternity and going to his Heavenly Father Parents therefore at this time ought to be Importunate with God especially for Spiritual Blessings to their Children that he would grant them his Grace to walk in his ways and to keep his Commandments and that his kind Providence may be their Inheritance 3 dly It will be very fit at such a time to commend them to some of your Friends whom you have found true and faithful sincere and upright and kind and loving to you and yours This is especially needful to be done for those Children who are less able to look to themselves 'T will be of unspeakable Advantage to them in many respects to be directed and assisted by those who are their true Friends who by their counsel and advice and by doing other good Offices for them will be as Eyes and Hands and Feet unto them and will prove a defence unto them against a great deal of danger and mischief till such time as they are capable to mind their own Business and are fixt and settled in the World HAving discoursed of the Duties of Natural Parents 't will not be amiss to say somewhat concerning the Duty of those who are in the place of Parents such as Step-Fathers and Step-Mothers or Fathers and Mothers in Law and Guardians And first Concerning the Duties of Step-Fathers and Step-Mothers The first and chief thing which belongs to the care of Step-Parents is to do all that they can for the benefit of their Childrens Souls They ought to endeavour to season their tender minds with the Fear and Love of God to reform what is amiss in their temper and humour by all kind and prudent Methods to teach them to worship God to Remember their Creator in the days of their Youth They ought to see that they be taught to read that they spend the Lord's Day well and that they frequent the place of Publick Worship They ought to make them understand what was promised in their Name at their Baptism and to encourage them to renew their Baptismal Covenant if they have an opportunity They ought to advise them to come to the Lord's Table so soon as they are fit for it and then as also at other times to examine themselves and to call themselves to a strict and serious account They ought to observe what remarkable Mercies and Providences they meet with and to acquaint them therewith so soon as they are capable to reflect on such things They ought likewise to talk to them often of the various Providences which either they have met with themselves or which they have observed in the World that thereby the Childrens minds may be affected with a due sense of the Power the Greatness the Wisdom the Mercy and the Justice of God To render all which endeavours effectual they must be Examples of Piety to them They must see what Company they use and do what they can to keep them out of ill Company and to acquaint them with those who have a sense of good things They must reprove them when it is needful but with great mildness and discretion And as for correcting and chastening of them they ought to leave that part to the Natural Parent if alive but if the Natural Parent be dead then they may correct them when it is necessary according to their Age But in this great caution ought to be used they must do it with the greatest gentleness and tenderness that is possible not only out of Conscience but Prudence to prevent all occasion which a great many are apt to take to reflect upon them and to censure them severely and unjustly when they do any thing that looks like unkindness or sharpness to their Step-Children 'T is therefore very adviseable when Correction is necessary to acquaint some of the Childrens Relations if they be not at too great a distance with their fault and so to correct them by their advice and if possible in their presence that they may be as it were Witnesses of their doing nothing but what is absolutely fit and needful to be done for the advantage of the Children Step-Parents ought also to take the opportunity of their Childrens sickness or of any other Adversity they meet with to set home upon their minds such Admonitions and Counsels as they were not so apt to mind when they were in health And to all their other Endeavours they ought to joyn their daily prayers to God for them that he would bless them and make them his faithful and obedient Children and Servants As Step-Parents ought principally to take care of the Souls of their Step-Children so they must not neglect their Bodies Their Duty as to this is in a word to take care that they have necessary and convenient Food and Rayment As to the outward Estate of Step-Children tho' Parents are not obliged to give them any great Portion of their Worldly Goods especially if they have or are like to have Children of their own to give such things to yet they ought to be careful that the Portions which of right belong to their Step-Children be preserved and improved for their use and advantage according to the Will of the Deceased Parent When they are fit for a Trade or any honest way of getting their Livelyhood they ought to assist them all they can that they may be placed forth as happily and comfortably as may be In like manner when they are fit for Marriage they ought to express a great deal of readiness and chearfulness to serve them to the utmost of their Power they ought to assist them with their best advice and hearty Counsel in a matter of so great Importance And in a word they ought not to be wanting to them in any thing that may be useful and beneficial to them either as to their Souls or Bodies or as to their outward Concerns Some Motives to stir up Step-Parents to do these things It cannot but excite Step-Parents to perform the above-mentioned Duties for the Benefit of their Children both in their Spiritual and Temporal concerns if they seriously consider 1 st The Nature of their Marriage Relation whereby they become one Flesh with those to whom they are married When God made the Woman and brought her to the Man Gen.
2. 24. he said Therefore shall a Man leave his Father and Mother and cleave unto his Wife and they shall be one Flesh. Now by Virtue of this near Relation and close Union they ought to have a tender regard for the Interests and Concerns of one another and the dearer any thing is to the one the greater affection ought the other to have towards it As therefore 't is past all doubt that Children are the dearest and most valued and beloved Earthly thing that Natural Parents have upon this account it is very reasonable that Step-Parents should express a great Regard and Affection for them 2. This is the way to preserve and to increase that mutual Love which ought to be 'twixt Man and Wife If a Step-Parent is kind and loving to the Children and careful to promote their Happiness and Welfare it cannot but have an Influence on the Natural Parent so as to produce an Increase of Love and Respect which will render the lives of the married Persons very easie and comfortable Whereas on the other hand if Step-Parents are rough unkind and unnatural to their Step-Children it must needs cause a great deal of mischief it will certainly cool if not quite alienate the affection of the Natural Parent and when once this happens there is thenceforth nothing but strife and contention jealousies and suspicions which are ordinarily attended with very sad and dreadful effects to the utter Ruin of one or t'other Party if not of both 3. This is the way to make the Children very respectful and kind and very dutiful and obedient to them when they use them kindly are careful to seek their happiness and welfare and carry themselves towards them in all respects as they ought to do Whereas on the contrary by being unkind to them and unconcerned for their happiness and welfare they provoke them to hate them and to prove Disrespectful and Disobedient to them 4. This is the way to gain a great deal of Love and Respect from all those who are Related to the Deceased Parents who cannot chuse but resent it very kindly when they see the Children of their Friends well used and taken care of both as to their Souls and Bodies This will make them ready upon all occasions to serve them and to do them the best Offices which are in their power Whereas on the other hand if they see the poor Children of their Deceased Friends neglected and contemned wrong'd and abus'd by unkind Step-Parents they must needs take it in very ill part and resent it heavily yea and all other Persons who see or hear of such unkindness severity and injustice towards poor Children cannot chuse but think very ill of those who discover themselves to be altogether void not only of Religion but of Humanity also From what hath been said it appears how very just and reasonable it is for Step-Parents to be heartily concerned both for the Spiritual and Temporal welfare and happiness of their Children And therefore how much are they to be Condemned who make no Conscience at all of doing any thing for the benefit of either their Souls or Bodies As to their Souls some Step-Parents are so far from endeavouring to season them with good Impressions and to fortifie them against Tentations that they themselves are their greatest Tentation and do them the greatest hurt and prejudice As to their Bodies they grudge them necessary Food and Rayment and seldom let them have any thing with good will And as to their Outward Estate they are so far from improving for their Advantage the Portion of Worldly Goods that belongeth to them that on the contrary they use their utmost Policy to rob them and to disinherit them that they may build their own Childrens Fortune upon the others Ruin for which end they make it their business to alienate the Affection of their Natural Parent they invent a great many wicked and malicious Stories which with great boldness and impudence they fasten upon them and they never give over working and undermining till they have brought about their cruel and cursed Devices But surely he that sits in Heaven and beholds all their contrivances even he who is the God of Recompences will in due time bring to Light their hidden Works of Darkness and will vindicate the cause of those poor Children and render to their cruel Persecutors according to their Works he will fooner or later cause them to feel the heavy Load of his Just and Terrible Indignation The Duties of Guardians GUardians are either chosen by Parents before their Death or by Children themselves after their Parents Decease or by the Magistrate Which way soever they are chosen their Duty is to do what they can for the benefit and advantage of their Pupils both in Spiritual and Temporal Things As to their Souls they must take care of their good Education according to their Age and Capacity If they are not as yet taught to read they ought to make choice of a skilful and prudent Schoolmaster or Tutor for them of whose fitness for such a Charge they are well assured But they must not so intrust them to the Care of such Persons as never to mind them more themselves They ought to enquire after them now and then and either by themselves or others more fit for it make tryal of their proficiency that so they may be able to judge and resolve what is further to be done for them As for the way of training them up in true Piety the Directions given to Parents are to be observed and practised As to their Bodies the former Directions likewise to Parents concerning Childrens Diet and Apparel ought to be followed As to their outward Estate when they are fit for a Trade or some sort of business they ought to take care to settle them in good Company so far as is possible and in such a way of living as is most agreeable to their Genius and Inclination and which their Friends and Relations reckon most sutable and convenient for them It will afford great peace and satisfaction to Guardians whatever be the Event if in this matter they have a due regard to Childrens own Inclination and to the Opinion of their Friends and Relations As to their Marriage when it is time to dispose of them that way they onght to do nothing by force and violence They must not constrain them to Marry unless they have a mind themselves And tho' they are not bound absolutely to approve of those whom their Pupils fancy without any regard to their fitness yet they are obliged by the Law of Justice and Equity not to impose upon them such Matches as they cannot like As to their Patrimony and Inheritance they ought to improve it as much as may be for the Childrens good and to employ it wholly for their use except so far as the Law does allow them their necessary Charges in which they ought to govern themselves by that Golden-Rule Mat.
to remove them Teach them to yield and to condescend to one another to take pleasure in gratifying rather than in overcoming one another to rejoice in the Company of one another to be mightily concerned for one another's Happiness and Welfare to be upon all occasions ready to help and assist one another to sympathize very tenderly with one another in any Pain Grief or Loss and in a Loving and Friendly manner to tell one another of their Faults without publishing of them Do not encourage them to speak ill of one another and to report every little thing whereby they think to lessen one another in your Esteem and Affection Such things use to be the Seeds of Discord and Contention amongst Children and therefore Wise Parents ought to prevent them as much as may be If you find them over Curious to know what may be their Lot and Fortune as 't is called in the World and therefore apt to hearken to Gypsies and Fortune-Tellers to consult with Divinatory Books and to use such other Wicked tho' but too common Arts for gratifying their Curiosity do what in your lyes to deliver them from such dangerous and unlawful Practices Shew them what is written Levit. 20. 6. The Soul that turneth after such as have familiar Spirits and after Wizards to go a whoring after them I will even set my fave against that Soul and will â—ut him off from among his People And Isa. 8. 19. When they shall say unto you seek unto them that have familiar Spirits and unto Wizards that peep and that mutter should not a people seek unto their God Likewise Deut. 18. 10 11. There shall not be found among you any one that useth Divination or an observer of times or an Inchanter or a Witch or a Charmer or a Consulter with familiar Spirits or a Wizard or a Necromancer For all that do these things are an abomination unto the Lord. Shew them that they who follow such courses do thereby provoke God to leave them and to deliver them over to the Wicked one that he may bring upon them those Calamities and Judgments which they deserve and which perhaps they were told should happen to them Not as if those Pretenders to Prophecy did infalliblâ— know what would come to pass which most certainly they do not but God in his Righteous Judgment doth often punish with some remarkable stroke such curious Persons who presume to enquire into those things which he has thought fit to conceal from them 'T is said of Saul 1 Chron. 10. 13 14. That he died for his Transgression and also for asking Counsel of one that had a familiar Spirit to enquire of it and enquired not of the Lord Therefore he slew him And tho' they who have been guilty of such impious Enquiries shall be delivered from Eternal Condemnation and possibly from some great punishments in this Life if they sincerely Repent of their Sin and Folly yet oftentimes they suffer not a little from the impressions which are made on their fancy by their having heard that some Tragical thing or other should befall them How many even good People having found unspeakable uneasiness almost all their Life time only by having heard it said without their own asking by such impious pretenders to Divination that thus or thus it should happen to them Tho' they abhorred and despised such things and did what they could to be delivered from having any Reflections upon them yet now and then of a sudden their fancy has been struck therewith which did not a little disquiet and disturb them From all which it appears how necessary it is for Parents to prevent their Childrens doing such things Shew them that their only safe way is to be always careful to do what is good and right to make the Laws of God their Rule to seek his Glory as their chief end to depend on him for direction and assistance never to be anxious about what is to come but to leave all Events to his Wise and Good Providence humbly to resign themselves to his Holy Will and Pleasure and to be always ready to be disposed of as he shall see fit Tell them which you may do with great assurance that if they do these things they may be confident that all shall be well for God will not fail according to his Promise to make all things even the greatest Afflictions work together for good to them that Love him Rom. 8. 28. If you perceive them to be unthankful for Favours and Benefits so as not to take notice of those who help and assist them and who have done them or are always ready to do them good Offices endeavour to cure them of this very ill Quality Cause them to thank those who are kind and serviceable to them strive to make them retain a lasting Sense of Kindnesses and to be ready when there is an opportunity to make some fit acknowledgment and return For which end 't will be convenient now and then to give them some small matter according to your Quality for a present to those who have been at some pains to serve them or who have been very Bountiful or Generous to them And when they make an acknowledgment for Favors received advise them to do it with a chearful Countenance so as to express thereby the inward Sense of their Minds that they to whom they make the return of Kindness may see how hearty and real they are that they do it not grudgingly but very willingly There is the greater need to instil into your Childrens Minds Principles of Gratitude because 't is so very common amongst Men to be unthankful For what is there more common than to see those neglected and slighted who have been very kind and serviceable How many root up those by whom themselves have been planted How many basely betray their truest Friends and greatest Benefactors How many think it a disparagement to be so much as thought to be beholden to others tho' their Obligations be very great Now what can there be more base and abominable than such a Temper as this What Villany and Wickedness seem they not likely to commit who have no Sense of Benefits The Apostle Paul reckoneth unthankfulness amongst the great Sins which make the last days perilous and difficult 2 Tim. 3. 2. To excite your Children to be thankful shew them how great an abhorrence the very Heathens had of Ingratitude they thought it one of the worst things you could say of them to call them unthankful they reckoned that this Name included all the bad things that could be imagined that unthankfulness was the Fountain from whence the greatest Vices did spring See Sen. de Benef. l. 1. c. 10. 'T was a very Excellent and Commendable Custom amongst the Persians * that they who were over their Children amongst other things taught them Gratitude so that if any of the Boys was able to make a grateful return
but did it not they punished him severely for they judged that they who were unthankful would also neglect their Duty to God to their Parents their Country and Friends Amongst other things to be suggested to your Children to stir them up to be Thankful you may represent to them what a shame it is for them to be unthankful when the very Beasts both Tame as may be seen every day and wild as several Authors tell us do things which look like a grateful acknowledgment to their Benefactors If you find them to be of too Prodigal a Temper apt to be too profuse in their Expences ready to throw away their Money upon Trifles and when there is no reasonable occasion for it you ought by all prudent and proper Methods to endeavour to make them a little more discreet and careful That they waste nothing in vain that may be of use to poor People That they do not throw away that which may do good at some time or other Suggest often to them that we are Stewards of whatever God bestows upon us that he will call us to an Account and that therefore we ought to employ to good purpose all those good things he gives us Shew them what our Saviour said to his Disciples after he had fed five thousand men with five Loaves and two Fishes Joh. 6. 12. When they were filled he said unto his Disciples Gather up the fragments that remain that nothing be lost He would not have any thing lost 〈◊〉 thrown away unnecessarily whi◠might be useful afterwards to one 〈◊〉 other If you find them of a Covetous Temper endeavou◠to enlarge their thoughts b◠the Principles of Christian Charity Shew them what an excellent thi◠it is to do good to shew mercy an◠kindness to make Peoples hearts glad◠Accustom them to the doing such kin◠and charitable Offices for which en◠give them now and then money an◠other things to bestow on those wh◠are poor and needy Shew them th◠evil of Covetousness that it 's the ro◠of all evil that it take◠the heart off from God an◠rendereth it unfit for th◠consideration of Divin◠things and for all worthy and useful designs that it disposeth◠man for the basest and vilest action◠and undertakings as it did Judas to betray his Lord That it bereaves him of true repose and satisfaction of mind and pierceth him through with many sorrows 1 Tim. 6. 9. 10. If you perceive them to be naturally melancholy and fearful of every little thing endeavour to chear up their Spirits Suggest to them such considerations and possess them with such Maxims and Principles as tend to fortifie their minds against those things which are apt to make them uneasie and are the occasion of their fear If their distemper proceed from some bodily indisposition as oft-times it does use such helps as are necessary When such evil habits of body are once rooted and strongly fixed and when the blood and spirits are deeply infected therewith they are a very grievous clog to the Soul and a great hindrance to that chearfulness and liberty of Spirit wherewith people ought always to endeavour to serve God If you see them to be of too gay and airy a Temper so that they cannot fix and be stayed at any time you are to use a great deal of prudence and discretion to compose and settle their Spirits See that they use their Wit and Fancy without giving offence and that they hurt no body by indecent reflections Let them by no means take liberty to indulge their humour in jesting about things that are Sacred or that have any relation thereto But you are to take heed lest your endeavouring to cure one fault occasion another lest your striving to deliver them from one extream drive them to the contrary that is lest instead of their being too gay you make them melancholy and dull Their Wit and Spirit is not to be rooted out but reformed and rightly managed for this may be of use for seasoning and sweetning Conversation If you observe them to be rash and forward ready to speak and act without due consideration strive to make them more cautious and circumspect to reflect and think a little more on what they say and do lest otherwise they fall into a habit of speaking and acting impertinently and indiscreetly When they say or do a foolish thing for lack of consideration then take occasion to make them sensible what a shame it is for them to do so what a reproach to those who are reasonable Creatures to speak and act like Fools without Reason and Understanding Shew them some of the bad consequences which attend speaking and acting in this manner Particularly that such Persons not only expose themselves to Contempt and Scorn but likewise to a great deal of danger and trouble Tell them how a great many by their rash and unadvised though not ill intended Speeches and Actions have not only highly exasperated their Enemies but also provoked their Friends and forfeited their kindness which thereby has been changed sometimes into the utmost Indignation and Hatred Shew them how some by this means have lost their Estate their Honour and Life it self and not only have ruined themselves by their rashness and folly but likewise a great many of their best Friends and dearest Relations A due sense of these things ought to excite all Parents to do what they can to render their Children very considerate and wary in whatever they say or do And because for lack of knowledge and experience they are in hazard to fall into many miscarriages and to commit great absurdities if they govern themselves wholly by their own fancy and apprehension or by their inclinations and desires therefore direct them to ask you or to ask others whom you recommend to them whether it be fit for them to do this or that which they have a mind to do It will be of unspeakable advantage to them all their Life long to learn this piece of Wisdom betimes to wit to be jealous and not too confident of their own Apprehensions and Opinions and to have a great regard for the Judgment and Opinion of others Solomon makes this a distinguishing Mark betwixt a wise Man and a Fool that the way of a Fool is right in his own Eyes and therefore he scorns to ask the opinion or to follow the advice of others but he that hearkeneth unto Counsel is wise Prov. 12. 15. Thus you are to make it your Business to watch over your Children and to consider what are their defects and faults and to do all that you can to cure them thereof and to direct them in the ways of Wisdom and Virtue You are careful to pluck up the weeds in your Gardens while they are yet young and not deeply rooted lest otherwise the good Seeds should be choak'd up with them How much more careful ought you to be lest the Souls