contrary But the Welfare and the Comfort of religious Families depends not wholly on the Duty of the Heads of it They who are Children or Servants are obliged thankfully to improve the Blessing of Religious Parents and Masters and faithfully to do their Duty in each Relation Without a wonderful Change by the Grace of God you will never be good Parents to your own Children if you live to have any if you are not good in the Relation of Children The same may be said for Servants Nor are they like to be good Husbands or Wives who were not good in their former Relation as Children or Servants Neither are such who are not good in their Family-Relations like to be so in any other Either good Neighbours in a Town or good Members in a Church or Magistrates in the State Absalom a Rebellious Child proved a Traiterous Subject Hophni and Phineas disobedient Children proved scandalous and sacrilegious Priests so in other Instances Let Children honour and obey their Parents in the Lord See that there be inward Reverence Respect and Love Despise not their Persons slight not their Instructions Rebukes or lawful Commands or Government Take heed of speaking contemptuously of either of them He that curseth Father or Mother let him die the Death Levit. 20.9 His Lamp shall be put out in Darkness Prov. 20.20 You should prize their Counsels delight in their Presence rejoyce in their Company sympathize with them in their Sorrows or Joys and readily deny your selves for their Sakes The Expressions of outward Honour from Children to Parents by the Dissoluteness of the Age are almost out of Fashion Such as rising up and standing bare before them which is required of the Younger unto such as are their Fathers only by Age Lev. 19.31 to bow before them and desire their Blessing or Prayers to speak alway with respect to them and of them c. The Honour that consists in Obedience may be expressed many ways as by being content to obey their lawful Orders though in the meannest Services to be content to have their own Wills crossed that the Will of their Parents may be fulfilled by not marrying without their Knowledge and Consent and by submitting to their just Reproofs Rebukes and Corrections and obeying them especially in the things of God and for the good of their Souls There is an Honour due to Parents which consists in Thankfulness and Recompence Readily serving them and supplying their outward Wants comforting them in their Sorrows Sufferings Sickness Old-Age being sollicitous for their Safety and Welfare concern'd for their Reputation and Good-Name praying daily for them and plentifully freely and honourably providing for them according to your Ability and their Need. As Joseph did when advanc'd in the Court of Pharaoh This is not Justice only but Piety Let them learn to show Piety at home and requite their Parents 1 Tim. 5.4 And our Lord reproves the Seribes and Pharisees who by their corrupt Doctrines would dispense with Children from such an Obligation Mat. 15.5 6. Such Children then who are a Grief to their Parents or purloin their Goods or waste their Estates or do not to their utmost minister to the Supply of their Wants do so far fail of their Duty The Children of Religious Parents are especially bound to pay them Honour and so to walk as to reflect Honour on them imitating their good Examples thanking God for his special Mercies to their Parents while they lived doing what they can to honour them at their Death pleading with God the Covenant-Relation of their Parents to obtain a Blessing on themselves as their Off-spring and faithfully adhering to the Truth Worship and Ways of God as their Holy Parents did before them This Honour is due to Parents whether they be Rich or Poor Wise or Weak whether in an honourable Station in the World or in meaner Circumstances whether in vigorous Health or bowed down under Sickness and the Insirmities of Old-Age Remember still they are your Parents It is a Mercy you ought to be very thankful for to have Religious Parents and live in a Religious Family It is a Prize in your Hands you must give an Account of And a sad Account it will be if you remain ignorant of God and Rebels against Christ under those Advantages to know and obey him which others want How unthankful are you if you value it not as a Privilege What work for the Worm of Conscience do you provide if you improve it not You might have been born of such Parents as would have wholly neglected the Salvation of your Souls or you might have been cast into some Atheistical Families where God is not worshiped from Week to Week Few are sensible enough of the Obligation they are under to God by being related as Husband or Wife as a Child or a Servant to such as truly fear God I would here call such Children to Repentance who have neglected and failed in their Duty to Parents Let grown Persons reflect on their Childhood and Youth when they lived with their Parents and since Have you not been Stubborn and Rebellious Irreverent and disrespectful in your Carriage to one or both of them Have you not secretly despised them in your Hearts or openly published their Infirmities Have you not often disobeyed their lawful Commands or slighted their wholsom Admonitions Have you not denyed or been backward to Assist and Comfort them Have you not secretly coveted their Estates before their Death or desired that it might be quickly Did you honour them inwardly with a good Conscience from the Love of God and the sense of his Authority Let us call our selves to an account and renew our Repentance before God for such Sins that his Pardoning Grace may prevent his Threatned Wrath. And let us take heed to live hereafter as the Children of such of whom God was not ashamed to be called their God Remember the Advantages of your being thus related to Holy Parents for Temporal Blessings Ishmael Solomon Rehoboam and others are Instances of the kindness of God to Children upon the account of their Fathers But you stand fairest for Spiritual and Eternal Blessings you are Children of the Covenant and Members of the Visible Church of Christ the Blessing of Abraham I will be thy God which reached unto his Seed being now come upon us Gentiles Gal. 3.14 You have many Helps to serious Godliness which others have not You have many Hindrances removed which make it more difficult for others who descend from wicked Parents and live in Ignorant Irreligious Families You have more Knowledg of God and Christ of Sin and Duty And usually the Spirit of Grace begins more early with such Children and follows them with more Calls Offers Invitations Strivings Convictions and leaves them not till they are Profligate Desperate and Resolved in Wickedness whereof Ishmael a Scoffer Esau a Profane Person and the Jewish Nation who filled up the measure of their Iniquity by Rejecting and
Customs and Prejudices to the Infection of others It cannot reasonably be expected that Persons when they come abroad in the World should ordinarily prove better than their Education Whereas as one observes a Religious Family is on the contrary a diffusive Blessing like a Stock of Bees which sends forth Swarms and Honey into Neighbouring Parts Especially as the Members hereof come hereafter to have Families of their own Therefore to shut Religion out of Families or not promote it there is the means to thrust it out of the World This has been observed by the very Pagans as the proper way for a private Man to be a Publick Good and serviceable to the Welfare of his Country viz. by ordering things well at home with Wisdom and Care in his own House and Family And there is hardly any thing whereby so much Evil is done to the Publick as by the Carelesness of Parents in the Instruction of their Children and the Negligence or ill Examples of Masters with respect to their Servants Among some of the Heathens a Penalty has been laid upon the Parents when the Children were ill-conditioned and they might be sued in the Courts of Judicature if they neglected the Education of their Children And how much the Safety Pleasure and Comfort of our Lives depends upon the faithful Discharge of Relative Duties Experience will teach us What greater Comfort can a Parent or a Master have than to see the Success of his Endeavours for the Good of those under his Roof A natural Parent may say it as well as a spiritual one I have no greater Joy than to see my Children walking in the Truth It is said of Abraham Heb. 11.9 that he dwelt in Tents with Isaac and Jacob Heirs with him of the same Promise How comfortable is it when Father Son and Grandson are all Heirs of the same promised Salvation Especially if God bless your Endeavours towards it that they who come from your Loins may serve the Lord. There is a double Blessing where the Father is Godly and the Son so likewise To see them alive to God who were dead in Sin will revive the Heart of a Religious Parent as it did old Jacob's to know that his Son Joseph was alive To have Wife and Children bear the Image of God and our Servants to obey and serve and please their Heavenly Master and by our Faithfulness and Care and Diligence to be brought to know and love and worship and honour him and be accepted with him What an unspeakable Delight must this be when the Savour of Religion descends from the Head to all the Members of the Family as the precious Ointment poured on the Head of Aaron ran down to the Skirts of his Garments You then may and will love them with a higher kind of Love than bare natural Affection In short you will love your Husbands Wives and Children and holy Relations with another sort of Love than other Persons do theirs It is a more fervent more pure more faithful more comfortable Love which is superadded by Religion and results from their Love to God and Participation of his Image You love them as the Friends and Brethren of Christ as Heirs of the same Inheritance as begotten again to a Divine Life by the same Spirit as born of the same Immortal Seed of the Word as nourish'd by the same Spiritual Food as under the same Bond of the Covenant as of one Houshold of Faith as Souldiers under the same Colours and Banner of Christ as called to the same blessed Hope of the Gospel as Travellers to the same Heavenly Country and Coheirs of the same glorious everlasting Kingdom You cannot love your unsanctified Relations in this manner whatever Natural or Civil Bonds of Union there may be between you and them It will please you doubtless to see them thrive and prosper in the World whom you tenderly love but it must much more do so to see them faithful to God live to his Glory and ripen for Heaven Whether you live or die you may then comfortably resign them and trust them with God who loves them better than you and will be sure to take care of them With what Pleasure can you think of the Sin and Misery which they escape What Wickedness such a Child would else have committed on Earth and what Torments he must have endured in Hell if he had been wicked Their Love Honour and Obedience to you which the Grace of God will teach them will also add to your Joy in your Health and Sickness or old Age they will pray for you And if they die you can look forward to the everlasting Happiness of their Souls as well as your own and the hopes of meeting them with Comfort in the Day of Reckoning And what an Honour is it to any Family to have serious Godliness transmitted from Father to Son and from the Son to the Grand-Child To be able to say My God and my Father's God and my Grand-father's God 2 Tim. 1.5 as Pliny reports * Dr. Manton on Heb. 11. p. 551. it was counted a great Honour and Felicity that in one Family of the Fabii there were three Presidents of the Senate one after another and in one House of Curio's there were three Orators one after another Besides how Beautiful and Pleasant a Thing is a Religious Well-ordered Family How Comfortable is it to dwell in such an House Where God is Worshiped and his Laws observed and his Day sanctified his Word read his Authority owned and his Laws made the Rule Where it is an Honour and not a Reproach to eschew Evil and do Good God promises to bless the Habitations of the Just and how sweet will his Presence be unto such Whereas to live in a House where the Name of God is never used but in jest or scorn or prophane Oaths where the Inhabitants are as so many Brutes that live from day to day as if they had no Souls to save no World but this to mind and no Expectations beyond the Grave where Worldliness and Sensuality filthy Talk and Intemperance c. have infected Superiours and Inferiours Who would dwell in such a House There cannot generally be Peace and Union Love and Concord in such Mens Dwellings Family Jars Contentions and Sorrows are occasioned by Sin which Family Religion would do much to prevent and cure If Children are a Grief to their Parents and Thorns in their Eyes as a Wicked Son is the Calamity and Shame of his Father and Heaviness to his Mother they may thank themselves as of their own Planting if they did not with Love and Diligence with Wisdom and Faithfulness seek their Salvation If Servants neglect their Duty to you how can you wonder when you have neglected yours to them You must bear the Fruit of their Sin if you do not teach them the Principles of Religion which should make them better and teach them to keep a good Conscience by giving them your
own Example But if your Endeavours should not succeed for their Conversion and Salvation you will yet have much more Peace than otherwise as having done what you could towards it Whereas without such Indeavours it must be an afflictive piercing Thought when any of them Die or when you your selves must to consider that you did no more to prevent their Damnation and that such and such through your Unfaithfulness are like to Perish for ever who sprang from your Loins or went to Hell out of your House Moreover what Evidence can you have of your own Piety and Sincerity towards God if you do not thus indeavour the Spiritual and Eternal Good of those under your Charge Abraham would command his Children and his Houshold after him that they should fear the Lord. Joshua resolves to engage all his House to serve the true God with him though a General and a Great Man did not think it beneath him to own Religion before all the World and endeavour to promote it He would not serve the True God alone if he could prevail with Others to join with him Proposeth his own Example to the whole Nation and that as far as in him lay all his Family at least should be Religious Cornelius was a devout Man and feared God with all his House We may without being uncharitable suspect the soundness of their Religion who are unconcerned for the spreading of it in their Families How is it consistent with Faithfulness to your own Souls to have litle or no Care concerning theirs If you are wanting in using the means for their Salvation you shake the ground of Hope concerning your own And Family Prayer and Instruction and the Holy Examples of Good Men in their Houses is one of the First Means which God commonly makes use of to Convince and Turn and Sanctifie such as were Ignorant and Carnal At least Education making the first Impression on their Minds whatever Change may be afterwards made by free Conversation somewhat of the first good Tincture is like to abide Ordinarily I say through the Blessing of God this may be hoped for tho it must be confessed that where the Advantages of Education are misimproved it is observed many of the Children and Servants who have been bred in good Families prove worse than others If they forsake God he hath said He will forsake them and cast them off for ever It is a Judicial Act in God when Children cast off the God of their Fathers If they turn Apostates they many times run deeper into Sin and further from God than others as Cain Cham Ishmael Esau Eli's Sons Absolom yea Solomon Rehoboam Manasseh and few comparatively recovered The Light and Means they sin against provokes God to abandon them Upon the same grounds we may give an account why there are more Atheists in such places where the Christian Religion is professed and the Power of it rejected than among any other sort of Men even than there were among the Heathens themselves For * See to this purpose Dr. Owen of Spiritual-Mindedness 4o. Chap. 8. God hath designed to Magnifie his Word above all his Name above all other ways of the Revelation of himself to the Children of Men. Therefore where this is despised and rejected Reason or the Light of Nature shall not have the same Power and Efficacy as on them who never enjoyed the Light of the Gospel or so much of it From the same Reason that the Children of Professors are sometimes irrecoverably Profligate there is more Common Housty and Justice to be found among civilized Heathens and Mahumetans than among false and degenerate Christians Their Hearts are judicially hardened and their Eyes blinded And the Contempt of Gospel Light must needs beget and leave on the Mind such a depraved corrupt Habit as cannot but incline unto the worst of Evils 2 Pet. 2.21 And as all Atheism springs from a Resolution not to see things Eternal and invisible to Sense where-ever Men are resolved not to see the greater the light is which shines about them the faster they must close their Eyes It is not therefore to the Disparagement but Honour of the Gospel that so many avow themselves to be Atheists in those places where the Truth of it is known and professed For none can have any inclination thereto till they have rejected the Gospel which immediately exposeth them to the worst of Evils They take shelter from their Fears in downright Atheism which alone pretends to give them security against the Light of Divine Revelation And what means can be used for the recovery of such The most rational Arguments to prove the Being and Existence of God may be of good use to shame and expose their foolish Pretences But Men under the Power of Atheistical Thoughts are insnared into them by a Love of some Lust and a desire to live securely in Sin and no Arguments from Reason are like to prove an effectual Cure to the Predominant Love of Sin and an Habitual Course in it where Men have rejected the Means and Motives unto that end declared in Divine Revelation Parents however have sufficient encouragement to hope for success in their faithful Endeavours There be many can speak of God and praise him as their Fathers God from Age to Age. If they neglect their Duty to Children which is ordinarily the reason why so many miscarry they cannot challenge God for not performing his Covenant-Promise but must condemn themselves But whatever the Success be every Parent and Head of Family is obliged to Honour God and Promote Religion and do what good he can for the Souls of others within his Sphere This all in their several Places are bound to endeavour as they have opportunity You must be faithful to Christ and his Interest in every Relation and in every Capacity If you are obliged to serve and worship God in a single Capacity as Private Persons by virtue of the same Dedication of your selves to Him you are bound to serve and Honour him in every Relation as Husbands Parents Masters and Heads of Families in every State and Condition according to your Capacity And by Family Prayer and Worship God hath greater Honour than by Secret Prayer tho therein you may more particularly and largely express the state of your own Soul And of how great Consequence to the Eternal Salvation or Ruine of Souls is your Care or Unfaithfulness herein How can you serve the Devil more effectually than by furthering the Damnation of all under your Roof through the neglect of your Duty to them And without giving them Assistance and Help to a Holy Life they will have continual Temptations to Sin In that House wherein God is not served honoured and worshiped the Devil's Interest will prevail And since they have an Everlasting Happiness to attain and Endless Misery to escape they will have little reason to thank you for whatever else you can teach them or do for them if you will not
God and reproach their Lord and Saviour and without Repentance he will condemn them too Psal 50.17 These things bast thou done and I kept silence thou thoughtest I was altogether such a one as thy self but I will reprove thee and set thy Sins in order before thee I will reject your Sacrifices I will spread the Dung of your solemn Services before your Face Your very Prayers shall witness against you A Caution yet is needful here To take heed of bearing false Witness or easily believing one against our Neighbour Do not hastily credit every Story you are told against such as profess Religion For the Devil imploys a great many to do his Work by defaming and discrediting such Every lesser Fall of such a one shall be blazoned Though it were but a single Fault committed but once and soon and heartily repented of and seldom or never relapsed into it shall yet be longer talk'd of and more aggravated than the customary continued foul Miscarriages of others This is seen daily among such whose Hearts are filled with Enmity against real Holiness Granting therefore what is too notorious to be denied that some Few who pray to God every Day do yet live as if they believed there were none yet compare the Families of such as daily worship God together with the Families of others that neglect God and Religion and it is not ordinarily true that the former are no better than the latter The Families of such are commonly the Nurseries of Religion Was not Noah's Family better than the drowned World though there were one Cham in it as there was one Judas in the Family of Christ Himself What would you think of a Man says Mr. Baxter who looking over his Neighbour's Garden when his own is all over-run with Weeds and wholly neglected should see in his Neighbour's Ground here and there a Weed mixt with much better Stuff and thereupon should say These Men that bestow so much Pains about their Gardens in dunging and weeding c. yet they have Weeds in their Garden as well as those that do nothing therefore who would be at so much pains Thus foolishly do People talk of those that pray and read and instruct their Families and hear Sermons c. they have their Faults as well as others wicked Persons amongst them as well as others their Children and Servants are bad as well as ours But they consider not that it is not the whole Garden that is over-run with Weeds as yours is it is but here and there a Weed and as soon as they spy any they pluck them up and do what they can to prevent their growth and spreading There is some Difficulty indeed as to those whose Lot is cast into prayerless Families who would be glad with all their Hearts to have the Worship of God kept up but have either no power or prevalency to bring it about My Lot is cast into such an ignorant worldly prophane Family says a religious Servant where they call not upon the Name of God from Week to Week or at most never more than once a Week If this be the Case of an Apprentice and bound by his Parents who should have chosen better for him he may bear it the better as hoping God will not charge it as his Fault But if you rashly ingaged your selves into such a Family because it was a place of more Ease or more Profit you ought to repent and beg of God forgiveness and be afraid lest some spiritual Judgment and it may be temporal too should follow you You ought to remove into a better Air as soon as you can conveniently But let me beg you as you tender the Honour of God and the Credit of Religion while you stay in such a wicked family indeavour with utmost Humility Modesty Seriousness and Circumspection to adorn your Profession to leave a Conviction in the Conscience of those with whom you dwell that serious Godliness doth make the best Servants How sad is it if by you who profess Religion your ungodly Masters or Fellow-Servants should be hardened and stumbled and prejudiced against the holy Ways of God! It may fall out that if you carry it so as to win the Love of all you shall have an Opportunity offered humbly to suggest and urge something to promote Family-Prayer and Worship and possibly obtain to have it begun Be sure however that you be more diligent and constant in secret Prayer The less help you have in the Family the more should you redeem to be alone with God But Servants who value the Welfare of their Souls and their Improvement in Grace should take heed what Families they chuse to dwell in Do not out of choice place your selves in a House where God doth not dwell to which the Curse of God according to his Word is threatened You know he dwells in the House of Prayer His own House is such and ours should be so too and he inhabits the Praises of his People My case is yet worse may some object I am Son to a prayerless Father and I cannot leave the House Or I am Wife to a Husband that minds not God or his own Soul much less mine or any in the Family The like Advice as was given before to religious Servants is fit to be taken here viz. to spend the more time in secret Prayer and Closet Devotion and to pray the more earnestly and fervently for such a Relation who is the Head of a Family and yet neglects the Duty of his place The holy fervent Prayer of a believing Child or Wife may help to save an unbelieving Parent or Husband It may obtain Grace from God to turn his Heart In the next Sickness or under the next worldly Cross or Disappointment or Family-strait and Affliction you may have a Season offer'd with Meekness to suggest this and other Duties and who can tell the Success However take heed to adorn your Profession and let such near Relations with whom you are obliged to dwell be convinced by your Christian Carriage of the Amiableness and Excellency of a Holy Life and be made to think and speak well of practical Godliness If the Parent or Husband be either unfit or unwilling to pray in the Family can you not obtain that some other may do it in his room and stead Though it be the proper Work of the Master of the Family yet in many Cases another may be substituted even an holy Servant sometimes with the Master's leave and desire Or in his Sickness or Absence I know not why in divers Cases the Wife who is to share in the Government of the Family may not perform Family-Prayer at least with those of her own Sex and with all the Family if she be a Widow and if she be a Wife why not in the Husband's Absence For if he do not his Duty in this particular what reason is there that she may not be the Mouth of the Family to God in Prayer rather
than it should be omitted These plain things I offer'd and recommended with Seriousness to remove the common Objections Pleas and Excuses for the neglect of Family-Religion and Worship and touching the Duty of the several Relations in Religious Families If any may be hereby confirm'd or convinc'd I know you will rejoyce with me and bless God I am Yours Of Family Religion The THIRD LETTER SIR WIthout farther Preface I continue to make good my Promise by sending you the Remainder of my Papers on this Subject containing some Directions and Counsels relating to Family Religion You who are Heads of Families are in the first place obliged to be very Careful and Circumspect Serious and Exemplary in your Lives you ought to take heed that you give no Example of Vice before Inferiours They will sooner Imitate you in what is Evil than Good Let them have no Incouragement or Countenance given them to Sin by any thing they see you do You will quickly lose all Authority and Power to reprove or suppress their Evils if your own Example countenance them in it It is altogether unlikely that Religion should thrive among Children and Servants where the Parent or Master gives a Pattern of Drunkenness or Lewdness of Injustice Deceit and Fraud or only keeps up the Worship of God to cloak his own Wickedness or serve some secular Design Wo to those Parents and Masters whose Children are Witnesses of their Impiety and like enough to follow them without a wonderful Grace to their eternal Ruine Never Parent had such a wicked Child said a bad Eather once to a Rebellious Son Yes Sir replied the Impudent Youth My Grandfather had Some have inquired for what reason the Prophet Elisha called for Vengeance on the Children that mocked him and stiled him Bald-pate 2 Kings 2.23 when many of them it is probable hardly understood what they said The Reason assigned is this because the Children learnt that Language from their Parents and God punished the Parents in the Death of the Children and both at once Some of the Heathens have been very wary and cautious not to speak an uncomely word in the presence of their Children Certainly the Head of a Christian Family is obliged to behave himself Wisely in an upright way and to walk within his House with a Perfect Heart Psal 101.2 and in all things to shew himself a Pattern of Good Works Tit. 2.7 A prudent grave chearful sincere Deportment as becometh Saints would recommend Religion and diffuse the savour of it to all about it But if you give them never so good Counsel they will sooner be influenced by a bad Life than by the best of Words All your good Precepts and Counsels will be as Water spilt on the ground if not accompanied by a good Example What you would reprove and amend in their Words or Actions let them be sure to hear nothing of it in your Discourse and see nothing of it in your Practice You must lead them the way in Humility and Charity in the Government of the Tongue Passions Appetite in the Redemption of Time in Prayer and love to the Holy Scriptures and the Ordinances of the Gospel c. How can a drunken or unrighteous Father or Master expect his Children and Servants should be sober and faithful Can you hope to teach them Sobriety and they see you are Intemperate or Meekness when they see you cannot govern your Passions They will sooner learn your Sin than your Trade And is not the Money given with such an Apprentice very ill bestowed One Two Three Hundred Pounds or more to have them taught to serve the Devil and damn their Souls by the Example of a wicked Master But such Masters shall have double Damnation Therefore let your own Example teach all your Relations that Holiness and Unblamableness in Tongue and Life which you desire they should learn and practise But besides your own Example you are obliged by all other ways to indeavour their Spiritual and Eternal Good You are worse than Insidels if you provide not what is Needful and Fit for them as to their Temporal Life much more if you neglect their Souls O look upon them with Pity and Compassion help them as knowing their Ignorance their Temptations and Danger Remember they must shortly die and be saved or perish for ever Use all Advantages you have to do them good Let them not be betrayed to eternal Ruine by your neglect Ministers by publick Preaching cannot do so much to further their Salvation as you and it is very little we can hope to do without your Assistance You can speak sharply enough sometimes of unfaithful Ministers who neglect the Souls of their People but consider not your own Guilt and dreadful Reckoning upon the like Account You expect more Duty sometimes from One Minister than Six can perform while you make no Conscience of neglecting your own Duty in your proper Sphere It will be a dreadful Meeting in the Day of Recompence to have your Children or Servants to accuse their Parents and Masters saying I was so many Years in my Father's House or I lived so long with such a Master who never concerned himself about my Soul I had never been a Servant of Sin and a Firebrand of Hell if he had done his part to prevent it The like will be true of ungodly Husbands and Wives who notwithstanding the Duty and Profession of the dearest Love do little or nothing to save one another from the Wrath to come O cruel Husband O cursed Wife It was long of You that I am now a lost undone Creature You never did any thing to assist my Salvation it was long of You that I came to this Miserable End You neither by Example or Discourse or Prayer or Admonition c. discovered any Care for your own Soul or for mine Yea how many in such Relations do much to hinder and obstruct the Happiness and Salvation of those whom they are most concerned and obliged to help For if the one be ungodly and the other be an awakened serious Christian the Latter shall commonly find the greatest Opposition and Difficulty and Hinderance in Religion from him or her who should have given the greatest Help and Assistance Remember therefore that besides Prayer in your House you have other Indeavours to use for the Salvation of those that live with you You mock God by praying for the conversion of Children and Servants if you do not otherwise indeavour it If you do not indeavour to convince them of their Sin and of their need of Christ and his Grace if you do not recommend him as the best Master and put them in mind of the uncertainty of this Life and of the certain Account they must give to God another day of all their Time and Talents c. And yet this neglect is now so common that they are reckoned Good Parents and Good Masters who will but give their Children and Servants leave to be good and
go to Heaven without them Who will not hinder their Inferiours from serving God Whereas you have much to do of Positive Duty to * See Mr. Baxters's Saints Rest Part. 3. Chap. 14. Sect. 16. inform their Minds to furnish their Memories to rectify their Wills to quicken their Affections to keep tender their Consciences and restrain their Tongues and watch over their outward Carriage to make them hate Sin and love Holiness and prize the Bible and delight in the Ordinances and Institutions of Christ and like good Company and dislike all others c. And to what End hath God given you The Authority of Parents or Masters if not to prevent Sin and to promote Holiness in your Families Humane Nature is so corrupt that unless in some few with whom the Spirit of God begins very early and the Effects of Holy Baptism are discovered in Childhood there need to be great Restraints put upon it by those who have Power and Authority over Young People Your Authority must be kept up lest you should be despised by those that you should Rule Labour therefore to understand the Nature Use and Extent of that Authority with Relation to all in your Family And the more you grow in Knowledg and Holiness and walk according to the Gospel-Rule the better will you preserve your Authority among all your Inferiours Humility and Wisdom and circumspect Walking will enable you to do them the more good in the use of that Power which God has given you The Indulgence and Allowance of Children in what is sinful you know did highly provoke God in the case of Eli and how dear did it cost him That his Sons made themselves vile and he restrained them not â— Saâ— 3.13 You must not let Wickedness dwell in your Tabernacle Job 11.14 or in those of your Family They will observe your Orders and regard your Commands if you do not indiscreetly lose your Authority by not keeping your distance or suffering them to be too bold with you or on the other hand making them too strange so as to be fearful and discouraged I here speak especially of Children If what you resolve upon and order in commanding what is good or forbidding what is evil you see be punctually observed still managing all with Affection and Love and manifesting the Honour of God and the Interest of their Souls and Salvation to have been your greatest Motive And remember that Commendation when they do well is as needful as Reproof and Correction when they sinfully transgress which also ought to be without Partiality or the causeless cockering or countenancing of one above the rest The like may be said though with some difference with respect to Your Servants Be Just Compassionate and Loving to them but lose not your Authority as a Master Be Faithful and Affectionate in your Counseling of them for the good of their Souls But if they be refractory and stubborn and slight your Advice and go on in Sin and wax worse and worse and deride serious Godliness in their Fellow-Servants you must use other Methods or get rid of them as soon as you can You are to take care that Wickedness dwell not within your House without Admonishing and Reproving of it You must warn them who are anruly and of others have Compassion making a difference Some must be rebuked sharply others save with fear pulling them out of the Fire Jude 22 23 Verses As to those who have Trades and Families but God hath not blessed them with Children or hath taken them away by Death their Care and Labour and Trust is thereby lessened and they ought to be the more careful with respect to their Servants They have many Considerations to keep them from Repining or Sorrowing much for the want of Children upon the Account of the Duty the Pains the Care and Grief of Heart which they are freed from For in this dissolute Age how few Children answer the Hopes Desires and Pains of Parents Or prove Comforts to them when they grow up If God had given you Children or prolonged their Lives what a Life of Trouble and Sorrow might They probably have passed in this World besides the constant Fear you would have had of their Sin and Damnation which may be put in the Ballance against the Vncertain Comforts of those who have Children abstracting from that Consolation which arises from the faithful discharge of Duty to them More particularly it is advisable with Family Prayer to joyn Serious Reading of the Holy Seriptures every Day and frequent Catechizing or Instructing of Inferiours in the Principles of Religion Abraham had such Trained Catechized Servants in his House These things that I command thee says God to his Antient People shall be in thy Heart and thou shalt teach them diligently to thy Children Deut. 4.9 chap. 11.19 Teach a Child in the way he should go and when he is Old he will not depart from it Prov. 4.4 chap. 22.6 2 Tim. 1.3 Acquaint them by little and little with the great Doctrines of Christianity give them Line upon Line and Precept upon Precept as they are able to receive and bear it Acquaint them betimes with the Word and Works of God When you sit in the House or walk by the Way or lie down or rise up by asking them Questions and putting them upon asking you Abraham's Example is approved and recommended by God in this matter Gen. 18.19 For I know him that he will command his Children and his Houshold after him that they shall keep the way of the Lord. Never diel any Age afford better Helps for Catechizing than this there being so many excellent Catechisms or Summaries of Christian Religion already printed and easy to be had If any of you want a Method for Regular Catechizing in your Families as suppose upon a Lord's-day Evening or once a Week let me mention one which is practised by many with good Success in some Counties of this Nation viz. Let the Master of the Faly begin with a short Invocation of God praying for his Presence Assistance and Blessing and then ask the younger sort Three Questions out of the Assemblies Catechism and upon each of the three Answers ask the explicatory Questions in Mr. Joseph Allen's Catechism or Mr. Lye's so that by answering Yes or No you will perceive whether they understand the matter treated of After this read The fuller Explication of those Three Questions in some larger Catechism as that of Mr. Thomas Vincent and then close with a short Prayer and if you can Sing a Psalm All which may be done in an Hour and you will find it very profitable both for younger and elder People The reading of the Holy Scriptures frequently in your Families as well as in your Closets upon the Week-days as well as upon the Lord's-day I hope I need not use many Arguments to recommend Deut. 11.18 They are able to make us wise unto Salvation and they are suitable to every Case that you
be good or hopeful though one it may be or more be not bless God for such a Mercy Let not your sorrowful Complaints as to one silence your Gratitude for Divine Grace manifested in another All your Children were born in Sin and might have lived and died in Sin but you can say though I have a Cain I have a righteous Abel I have a Shem as well as a Cham a Jacob as well as an Esau a Solomon as well as an Absalom or Amnon God hath answered my Prayers and blessed my Endeavours as to one or more though not as to all I will wait and pray in Hope as to them also By thus taking notice what Answers of Prayer you have upon this Account you will know the better how to frame your Petitions to God for them and to order your Counsels Instructions and farther Indeavours for their good You will know what you have to acknowledge and be thankful for and what you have to lament and beg in Family-Prayer And in the Management of that Care is to be taken to chuse the fittest Time A good Man will indeavour to order his Spiritual Affairs with Discretion as well as his Temporal ones In Family-Worship you should indeavour to be short distinct methodical and serious and not make such Duties over-long lest some of the Family be tempted to say Behold what a Weariness is it Labour to be serious and affectionate though ordinarily you be but short you may be longer on the Lord's Day Be serious I say and affectionate for he that is the Mouth of others to God in Prayer if his Heart be drowsie they who join with him are not like to be affected You ought discreetly to chuse the Time also In the Morning you will find if it be deferred till such â—or such a Business be first dispatch'd â—or if it be not one of the first things â—one in the Morning you will find something or other intervene to hinder it altogether And in such Famiâ—ies where it can conveniently be done before Supper for the Evening is the most desirable Time Many never kneel down to pray in their Families at Night till they are fitter to lie down upon their Beds In the ordering of these things let Husbands and Wives who would further the Salvation of each others Souls â—ointly concur to promote Godliness â—n their Families Their first Care should be to indeavour the Salvation of each others Souls For this they have Scripture-Incouragement 1 Cor. 7.16 For what knowest thou O Wife whether thou shalt save thy Husband Or how knowest thou O Man whether thou shalt save thy Wife It is true no ferious Christian would deliberately chuse to be so nearly related to one that is a stranger to Christ And they who are so related ought to beg God Forgiveness for their sinful Rashness But if they find themselves mistaken in their Choice in that respect they must use the greater Care to perswade them to be such as they supposed them to have been Remembring however that if they cannot as yet love them as real Saints they must yet love them as Husbands and Wives But how hopefully may Religion be carried on in the Family where both are devoted to God and married to Christ How should and may they build up one another in their Holy Faith watch over each other study their Tempers and Dispositions exhort one another daily with Meekness and Wisdom and strengthen one anothers Hands in the Discharge of their respective Duties to Inferiours indeavouring the utmost Union in this Work lest through the want of it their Authority be weakened and their Endeavours be frustrate of any good Success The Endeavours of both are required And if Covenant-Mercy descend from Parents to Children 't is on this Condition that during their Minority they take care to bring them up in the Knowledge Nurture and Admonition of the Lord. When they come to be adult or grown up there is another Condition on the part of the Children that they consent to the Terms of the Covenant and willingly come under the Band of it But both Parents are concern'd to bring up their Children for God Men should not cast all the Care of Children and Servants on their Wives and Women should consider as Matter of Duty their joint Interest in the religious Government of the Family I wish it were not a very frequent Case that they who should rule are the most unruly part and the Cause that the Family is ungodly and ungoverned There is a great Latitude in the Duty of Parents to their Children to take care of them in Infancy to dedicate them to God betimes and bring them under the visible Band of the Covenant by Raptism and to teach them the meaning of it as soon as capable to keep them in subjection while young to encourage them in all that is vertuous and praise-worthy and good and lovingly and seasonably reprove them for what is evil to dispose of them with Wisdom and Care as to their Schools Callings and Marriage according to your Rank and Station in the best Manner you can And therein to consider the Interest of their Souls as well as their temporal Welfare and prefer it Beg of God to teach you the true Medium between the Errours of Education on either Extreme either that of humouring them in Vanity and indulging them in Sin or that of Frowardness Harshness and too much Severity If your own Parents be living give your Children an Example of the Honour and Obedience you expect from them by your becoming Carriage towards their Grand Parents If you would recommend and promote Religion among Children and Servants there is one thing I would beg of you that you take heed never to speak of God and Sacred things without the utmost Seriousness and Reverence If you do not possess their Minds with an Awe and Reverence of God and Christ and the Holy Scriptures and the Life to come you will do them little good You should begin betime to do this Mothers especially may drop Instruction into their Children as soon almost as their Milk At least you may teach them to pray as soon as they begin to prattle Timothy received that Knowledg of the Faith in his Childhood from his Mother and Grandmother though his Father was a Greek or a Pagan Acts 16.1 which afterwards he publickly profess'd and adhered unto And much of the good or bad Impression upon their Minds from what you say will depend upon the Manner of your speaking Your words must discover your honourable Thoughts of God and Holiness and Holy Christians and Ministers c. They will be apt to like what you commend Endeavour therefore to speak of Sin and of wicked Men with loathing and dislike that they may see your Judgment and learn to form their own The way to win them betimes to the Fear of God and Hatred of that which is Evil is frequently to represent in your Discourse how fafe
Our daily Sacrifices by Prayer and Praise under the fuller Dispensation of Gospel-Grace should not be fewer or less frequent than theirs of another sort But I hope I have said enough in the Former Letter to recommend the Worship of God in Families Doubtless one Advantage of it would be to sit us for those other Duties and Parts of Worship which are sometimes urged to excuse the Neglect of this For how many are ready to say we pray to God every day in Secret and we joyn every Week with others in Publick Worship and what need of any more Whereas one part of our Duty is so far from interfering with the other that the one will help to the better performance of the other By praying in Secret you will be inabled to pray in your Family and by both these may obtain Assistance and Success in the Publick Worship of God and by attending upon the Publick Worship you will be fitted for the other parts of your Duty in Secret and Private You are obliged to pray in Secret if you had no Families and it is very doubtful in a numerous Family whether all the Members of it do daily pray in Secret or not If it be said that there are very many of those who make a great Profession of Religion who yet live in the neglect of Family Worship I answer that is no wonder because there be many who profess to be what they are not who have a Name to live and are dead But if they be real upright Christians they are either under the Power of a present Temptation or under the Conduct of an erring Mind as misled by some False Teachers c. and so they will neglect this Duty no longer than till their Errour be removed or the present Difficulties in the way of this Practice are got over which many say they would be glad of but cannot yet attain As in some Families it is pretended they have not Time every day for such Work My Trade will not allow me I have a Charge of Children that must be maintained and my Business must be minded or I am obliged to be Abroad early and late I cannot read the Holy Scriptures in my Family and pray every day with those of the Family for want of Time I have often thought of this Objection this Winter and how the Providence of God has removed it as to a great many Families to their sad Disappointment and Sorrow What else mean the many Complaints of Starving Families for want of Trade They have Time enough now to pray for they have no Work Let such reflect upon themselves and consider how righteous it is from God that whereas while they had Trade and Business they would not find Time to pray God should punish their Neglect by blasting their Endeavours and now they want Trade and would be glad of Work to employ their Time But what need is there for any to be so long in Family-Worship as to hinder the Business of their particular Calling Though it may be all in the Family cannot come together yet some may and possibly the greater part if a little Prudence and Consideration be used as to the choice of the Time And if less time were spent in the Morning in most cases there might be more redeemed in the Evening Many might redeem time from the Coffee-House and from the Tavern and from time-wasting Clubs and Meetings by appointment without Business while their Children and Servants at home are exposed to Temptation and the Worship of God neglected there or hudled over slightly towards midnight between sleeping and waking Every one will grant that Success in his Trade and Calling depends upon the Blessing of Heaven but most live as if they believed nothing of it For it can hardly be denied that to begin the Day with God and heartily implore his Blessing is the best way to have it If what you get be not accompanied with the Divine Blessing you will have little Comfort in such increase And how can it be proved that it is your Duty to grasp so much Worldly Business as is inconsistent with the worshiping of God in your Families and having time to mind the Souls of those committed to your Charge Business you say must be minded Your lawful proper Business it is true must be so in its place But as one says this Devil of pretended Business has destroyed and damned more Souls than all the Devils in Hell besides How easily can God by Sickness or grievous Pains unfit you for the business of your Calling or disable your Servants by Sickness if he be provoked by your neglect of him in your Families He may either blast all your Diligence the Curse of God shall blow upon you you shall labour much and get nothing Or he may disable you and yours from following your Trade and Business O how easily can God make you know that if you will not find a time to pray you must have a time to be sick as well as others How soon and suddenly may he summon you by Death to his Judgment-Seat Think now whether when you shall appear there you will pretend the want of time for this Work Let Conscience speak the Truth Is it not that you want a Heart God allows us a sufficient Time for our particular Calling If our Hearts were filled with Love to God and awed with his Holy Fear we should not rob him of that which belongs to his Service The Grace of God to sanctify our Hearts would answer and remove a thousand such Pretences There be many who cannot plead the want of Leasure who pretend the want of Parts and Gifts to instruct and teach others or to pray with them But let them seriously accustom themselves to secret Prayer and they may quickly learn to pray in their Families Get but your Hearts affected in a due manner with Family Wants and Sins and Mercies and you will soon be able out of the abundance of the Heart to express your selves sufficiently well For it is not fine Words and good Language that God regards and is pleased with but a serious reverend holy thankful Heart You do not want words to express your Desires in other Cases nor would you here if you were to beg your own Life or that of a dear Relation of an earthly King or Judge It is a shame for Christians who have lived long under the Ministry of the Gospel and have such Advantages of the Bible in a known Tongue and of so many useful practical Books to pretend the want of Gifts for this Duty However rather use a Form and take the Assistance of a Book for a while than wholly neglect the Duty Almost all the Old Divines called Puritans acknowledged the Lawfulness of a Form of Prayer and advised the use of one in this Case It is better to own and acknowledge God and do something in this kind though with some Imperfection than affront him and despise him
Murdering the Lord of Glory are eminent Examples Remember your Relation and think what God and all the World expects from you There is a great Privilege belonging by Gospel-grant to the Children of Holy Covenanted Parents if they do not forfeit it by forsaking and practically disavowing their Fathers God If you will own him he will be Your God as well as Theirs He hath an early preventive Interest in you upon which you may lay your Claim to him as Your God if you will devote your selves to him and stand to his Covenant To be ungodly Children of Holy Parents is the greatest Unworthiness that can be Be astonished O ye Heavens at this Jer. 2.12 That any Persons or People should cast off their God Thine own Friend and thy Father's Friend forsake not saith Solomon much less thy Father's God How reproachful will be your Wickedness if you are not better than others If you who are the Children of the Covenant become the Children of the Devil by doing his Works Shall there be a scoffing Ishmael come out of Abraham's House or a profane Esau from Isaac's Family a rebellious Absalom or a filthy Amnon be found in the Family of the Holy David God forbid that any of you should find or force the way to Hell out of such Houses where God is daily worshiped Certainly a Wicked Child of Religious Parents is one of the most miserable Spectacles in the World He is within the Visible Family of God devoted to him made acquainted with his Duty and can have no excuse for his Sin What Aggravatious hath such a one's Guilt They must have stifled more Convictions and resisted more Grace than others And how sure and severe will be their Condemnation when all the Prayers and Pains of Holy Parents shall witness against them and God account such Children as the Children of the Ethiopian or Arabian And have you no Concern for or Love to your Parents Consider how wicked Children embitter all the Comforts of their good Parents A Father of a Fool saith the Wise Man bath no joy Prov. 17.21 While Parents are in bitterness for a dissolute Child they cannot have that Joy and Comfort in one another which otherwise they might nor in the other Children who are more hopeful The whole Family is Afflicted and Disturbed The Grace of God by which they overcome their own Corruptions gives them not so much Comfort as otherwise when they see the Sin they have mortified and forsaken break out and reign in any of their Children Nor can they rejoyce in God and Jesus Christ as otherwise when according to the Word of God they hope and believe he is their Friend and Father and by the same Word know he is an Enemy to this or the other Son or Daughter and that the Wrath of God abideth on them And that if they get to Heaven themselves such of their Children are not like to follow them there Lastly Let Children and Servants take heed of their Carriage towards One another Let them indeavour Concord and Union and Love and avoid Contention and Falling out and the using of provoking exasperating Language to one another Let them help one another as they can in Health and Sickness and take each others Concernment as their own Let them watch over one another as to the Sins and Temptations they are most in danger of Let them beware of vain unprofitable Discourse and Idleness and most carefully put away all filthy corrupt Communication whereby they may poison the Souls of one another Let them tenderly bear with one anothers Failings and prudently conceal one anothers Faults where the Concealment of them tends not to the Wrong of the Parent or Master or of any other and where the opening of them will but stir up Strife This would also help to promote Family Religion I desire and pray that these plain hasty Thoughts may be serviceable to that purpose With that Hope I commend them to the Divine Blessing and you to his Grace and Providence Let us unite in the Resolution that whatever others do we with our House will serve the Lord and worship the God of our Fathers and in that way and manner as to Our Families wherein we have besides their Example so much other Encouragement from the Holy Scriptures and Reason and the Practice of the best Men. I am with Respect and Sincerity Sir Yours J. S. APPENDIX CONTAINING Rules of good Advice FOR OUR Christian Civil Carriage Mostly from Bishop HALL's Epistles LET us begin with Him who is the First and the Last Inform your self aright concerning God without whom in vain do we know all things Be acquainted with your Redeemer who paid the price of your Redemption on Earth and now intercedes in Heaven without whom we have nothing to do with God or he with us Adore him in your Thoughts Love him with all your Heart and Trust him with your Souls Renew your sight of him every day and his of you Call your selves to often Reckonings cast up your Debts Payments Graces Wants Expences Employments Think not your set Devotions troublesome yield not to such a Thought take not easy Denials of your self and beware of Self-flattery Think all God's outward Favours and Provisions the best for you your own Ability and Actions the meanest Suffer not your Mind to be a Drudge or Wanton Exercise it ever but overcharge it not Every Day take a View of your last as what may prove so In all your Business look through the World to God whatsoever is your Level let him be your Scope Offer not your self either to Honour or Labour let both seek you So frame your self to the Time and Company that you may neither serve it nor sullenly neglect it and yield so far as that you may not betray your Conscience or countenance Evil. Let your Words be few and digested It is a shame for the Tongue to cry the Heart Mercy much more to cast it self on the uncertain pardon of other men's Ears There are but two things which a Christian is charged to buy and not to sell Time and Truth both so precious that we must purchase them at any rate So use your Friends as those which should be Perpetual may be Changeable While you are within your self there is no danger but Thoughts once uttered must stand to Hazard Do not hear from your self what you would be loth to hear from others Give the Eye and Ear full scope in what is good for they let Knowledg into the Mind but restrain the Tongue few Men have repented them of silence In all serious Matters take Counsel of Days and Nights and Friends and let Leasure ripen your Purposes never hope to gain ought by suddenness The first Thoughts may be confident the second are wiser Serve Truth and Honesty ever though without apparent Wages the Recompence is sure if slow As in Apparel so in Actions consider not so much what is good as what becomes you Excuse not your own Evil agravate not that of others and if you love Peace avoid Censures Comparisons and Contradictions and Evil Speaking Out of good Men choose Acquaintance of Acquaintance Friends of Friends Familiars after Trial admit them and after Admittance change them not Do not alway your Best it is neither wise nor safe for a Man ever to stand on the top of his Strength Be ever below your self if you would be above the Expectation of others Expend according to your Purse not after your Mind or the Example of Neighbours Rather smother your Griefs and Wants as you may than be either Querulous or Importunate Frequent Suits or Complaints are wearisom to a Friend Let not your Face belie your Heart nor alway tell tales out of it In all your Reckonings for the World cast up some Crosses that appear not either they will come or may Let your Suspicions be Charitable your Trust fearful your Censures sure Give way to the Anger of Great Men against whom you have no Fence patiently bear the Inconveniencies you cannot mend and make the best of what must be If the World smile upon you with double care look to your Soul for there is more danger in Good than Evil. FINIS BOOKS Printed for John Lawrence at the Angel in the Poultrey SOme Account of the Holy Life and Death of Mr. Henry Gearing Who died January the 4th 1693 4. Aged 61. With the Trial and Character of a Real Christian collected out of his Papers for the Examination of himself From which several other Particulars are added for the Instruction Encouragement and Imitation of Christians By Mr. John Shower 12o. A Discourse of Tempting Christ By Mr. John Shower 12o. Mr. Slater's Sermon on the Funeral of Mr. John Reynolds Minister 4o. His Sermon on the Funeral of Mr. Richard Fincher 4o. On the Thanksgiving Day Oct. 27. 1692. 4o. Mr. Giles Firmin's Answer to Mr. Rich. Davis 4o. A Sermon Preached before the Lord Mayor and Aldermen of London January the 30th 1693 4. By W. Stephens B.D. Rector of Sutton in Surrey 4o. Mr. Hammonds Sermon on Mr. Steels Funeral 8o. Miscellanea Sacra Containing Scriptural Meditations Divine Breathings Occasional Reflections and Sacred Poems 12º Aickins English Grammar or the English Tongue reduced to Grammatical Rules 8º There will be shortly Published Mr. Slaters Discourse of Family Religion in 18 Sermons 8º Mr. Hammonds Discourse of Family Religion Written and Published at the request of the United Ministers of London 10º A Discourse of the Right of the Children of Believers in the Covenant against Mr. Hercules Collins By Mr. Mence of Wapping 12º