even_o for_o the_o full_a accomplishment_n of_o his_o own_o promise_n who_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o he_o that_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v tread_v down_o satan_n under_o his_o people_n foot_n short_o which_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n and_o that_o you_o will_v bless_v he_o together_o with_o i_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o open_v any_o fountain_n of_o love_n and_o mercy_n in_o this_o vale_n of_o tear_n so_o abundant_o fulfil_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o word_n of_o he_o which_o he_o be_v please_v no_o soon_o to_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n with_o a_o persuasion_n in_o some_o measure_n that_o it_o shall_v be_v make_v good_a roll_v though_o weak_o upon_o he_o for_o it_o but_o that_o he_o be_v please_v so_o to_o do_v indeed_o that_o word_n i_o find_v isai_n 56._o 19_o when_o the_o enemy_n shall_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n shall_v set_v up_o a_o standard_n against_o they_o for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n beseech_v he_o that_o those_o impression_n that_o he_o be_v please_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o several_a word_n of_o he_o to_o make_v upon_o my_o heart_n may_v never_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o but_o that_o they_o may_v continual_o be_v as_o support_v to_o my_o poor_a weak_a faith_n that_o it_o may_v grow_v from_o strength_n to_o strength_n even_o till_o i_o shall_v meet_v my_o god_n bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n that_o be_v please_v to_o know_v my_o poor_a soul_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o temptation_n and_o to_o take_v this_o poor_a lame_a soul_n and_o lead_v and_o carry_v it_o of_o be_v not_o able_a to_o go_v one_o step_n in_o any_o of_o his_o way_n without_o his_o hand_n but_o that_o it_o get_v one_o knock_n or_o bruise_v or_o other_o yea_o bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n and_o saviour_n that_o will_v not_o suffer_v his_o poor_a creature_n to_o slip_v as_o he_o do_v other_o but_o be_v please_v in_o rich_a mercy_n to_o be_v ever_o awaken_n my_o poor_a drowsy_a spirit_n by_o one_o affliction_n or_o another_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n and_o seem_v at_o present_a a_o special_a token_n of_o his_o love_n for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v he_o and_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v praise_v the_o name_n of_o that_o god_n and_o father_n who_o be_v the_o father_n of_o all_o mercy_n and_o god_n of_o all_o consolation_n for_o true_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o be_o persuade_v satan_n have_v not_o now_o be_v let_v loose_a to_o buffet_v i_o thus_o have_v i_o not_o be_v so_o sleepy_a and_o drowsy_a in_o spirit_n but_o bless_v be_v that_o rod_n that_o awake_v my_o poor_a soul_n from_o the_o sleep_n of_o any_o sin_n so_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o please_v to_o work_v it_o out_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v for_o some_o respect_n have_v forbear_v this_o duty_n of_o praise_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v let_v in_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o mercy_n as_o also_o lest_o i_o shall_v prove_v ungrateful_a for_o so_o large_a manifestation_n of_o mercy_n though_o all_o i_o can_v do_v in_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a nothing_o the_o great_a be_v the_o goodness_n of_o god_n that_o bow_v down_o to_o accept_v such_o break_a praise_n which_o i_o have_v cause_n even_o to_o lament_v over_o have_v too_o little_a spiritual_a life_n in_o they_o when_o as_o in_o truth_n my_o whole_a soul_n and_o body_n shall_v be_v a_o holy_a and_o lively_a sacrifice_n to_o god_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v to_o that_o god_n whence_o all_o my_o enjoyment_n come_v in_o who_o i_o desire_v to_o rest_v your_o unworthy_a but_o in_o desire_n and_o hope_v real_a friend_n for_o my_o lord_n sake_n finis_fw-la the_o second_o book_n of_o manifold_a experiment_n of_o god_n deal_v with_o my_o soul_n in_o hear_v prayer_n and_o other_o gracious_a income_n of_o love_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v i_o very_o much_o in_o this_o search_n by_o mr._n knight_n who_o speak_v from_o this_o scripture_n at_o fulham_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o nine_o month_n in_o the_o 12_o of_o luke_n 42_o 43._o from_o which_o he_o show_v we_o have_v the_o lord_n set_v out_o the_o blessedness_n of_o that_o servant_n that_o be_v faithful_a in_o the_o work_n that_o his_o lord_n intru_v he_o about_o and_o who_o his_o lord_n when_o he_o come_v find_v to_o be_v so_o do_v as_o he_o appoint_v now_o o_o my_o soul_n what_o comfortable_a hope_n can_v thou_o gather_v out_o from_o the_o serious_a examination_n of_o thy_o own_o heart_n upon_o this_o point_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o faithful_a though_o thou_o be_v poor_a weak_a and_o unworthy_a every_o way_n to_o be_v the_o servant_n of_o such_o a_o lord_n what_o can_v thou_o say_v to_o this_o have_v the_o lord_n indeed_o make_v thou_o faithful_a ans_fw-fr 1._o i_o gather_v some_o hope_n of_o it_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o in_o some_o measure_n faithful_a from_o that_o sincerity_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o aim_v pure_o at_o his_o glory_n in_o all_o i_o do_v in_o this_o world_n the_o contrary_a to_o which_o cause_v much_o bitterness_n in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o through_o the_o prevalency_n of_o the_o unregenerate_a part_n in_o i_o i_o be_o many_o time_n bias_v and_o carry_v aside_o to_o aim_v at_o other_o thing_n in_o many_o of_o my_o way_n but_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n be_v my_o principal_a aim_n for_o if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n through_o mercy_n i_o do_v find_v it_o set_v to_o seek_v the_o honour_n of_o christ_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o way_n well_o please_v to_o he_o though_o i_o do_v too_o often_o sad_o wander_v from_o these_o intent_n and_o desire_n which_o be_v discover_v to_o be_v the_o real_a burden_n of_o my_o life_n 2._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o soul_n i_o hope_v a_o real_a desire_n te_fw-la do_v his_o whole_a will_n and_o therein_o to_o appear_v faithful_a daily_o desire_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o i_o may_v not_o at_o any_o time_n in_o any_o command_n of_o his_o be_v find_v consult_v with_o flesh_n and_o blood_n but_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o he_o discover_v his_o will_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v also_o enable_v i_o to_o obey_v it_o ready_o find_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v oftentimes_o breathe_v in_o my_o soul_n after_o this_o manner_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o i_o in_o all_o my_o way_n that_o be_v it_o i_o beg_v of_o thou_o and_o though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o contrary_a to_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o though_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o that_o it_o be_v lay_v out_o for_o to_o afflict_v i_o and_o to_o be_v a_o trial_n and_o exercise_v for_o i_o and_o so_o have_v nothing_o to_o induce_v i_o but_o thy_o will_n yet_o lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n in_o it_o to_o i_o what_o will_v i_o then_o beg_v of_o thou_o but_o only_o a_o ready_a frame_n to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o thy_o will_n and_o leave_v the_o success_n &_o sanctify_v of_o it_o to_o i_o to_o thyself_o and_o if_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o think_v any_o mercy_n to_o be_v never_o so_o good_a or_o for_o my_o advantage_n yet_o if_o thou_o see_v meet_v to_o discover_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o thy_o will_n be_v not_o in_o it_o will_v i_o not_o then_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n beg_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o have_v my_o will_n to_o be_v whole_o swallow_v up_o into_o thou_o lord_n and_o this_o hope_n be_v ground_v in_o some_o measure_n upon_o the_o abundant_a experience_n the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o of_o his_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n and_o abundant_a kindness_n in_o his_o often_o deny_v i_o of_o my_o will_n 3_o i_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n make_v i_o a_o faithful_a servant_n in_o that_o he_o have_v set_v my_o soul_n upon_o the_o watch_n to_o know_v his_o mind_n and_o will_n endeavour_v and_o desire_v to_o keep_v my_o eye_n upon_o he_o and_o he_o only_o that_o i_o may_v see_v what_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n be_v who_o have_v say_v that_o he_o will_v guide_v he_o by_o his_o eye_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n though_o with_o much_o weakness_n not_o only_o earnest_o to_o desire_v but_o also_o to_o endeavour_v to_o reflect_v upon_o all_o my_o motion_n and_o action_n and_o thought_n and_o word_n in_o this_o
a_o wise_a virgin_n lamp_n burn_v or_o god_n sweet_a income_n of_o love_n to_o a_o gracious_a soul_n wait_v for_o he_o be_v the_o experience_n of_o mrs._n anne_n venn_n daughter_n to_o col._n john_n venn_n &_o member_n of_o the_o church_n of_o christ_n at_o fulham_n write_v by_o she_o own_o hand_n and_o find_v in_o her_o closet_n after_o her_o death_n wherein_o be_v declare_v she_o exceed_v frequent_a address_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o how_o speedy_o answer_v write_a for_o the_o comfort_n of_o such_o as_o mourn_v in_o zion_n and_o quicken_a of_o saint_n by_o her_o bless_a example_n psal_n 30.5_o weep_n may_v endure_v for_o a_o night_n but_o joy_n come_v in_o the_o morning_n psal_n 66.16_o come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psal_n 85.8_o i_o will_v hear_v what_o god_n the_o lord_n will_v say_v for_o he_o will_v speak_v peace_n to_o his_o people_n lam._n 3.25_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a to_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o london_n print_v for_o e._n cole_n and_o be_v to_o be_v sell_v at_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o printing-press_n in_o cornhill_n 1658._o christian_n reader_n here_o may_v thou_o see_v the_o free_a frequent_a &_o familiar_a intercourse_n betwixt_o the_o lord_n &_o a_o godly_a soul_n her_o continual_a address_n to_o he_o and_o his_o gracious_a return_v to_o she_o doubtless_o she_o be_v one_o that_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o caleb_n follow_v god_n full_o and_o lay_v as_o much_o in_o the_o bosom_n of_o christ_n as_o any_o that_o i_o have_v hear_v of_o a_o rare_a pattern_n in_o these_o cold_a decline_a time_n wherein_o so_o many_o either_o turn_n aside_o from_o the_o truth_n or_o else_o lose_v their_o first_o love_n but_o her_o pious_a soul_n in_o a_o eminent_a manner_n keep_v truth_n and_o zeal_n warm_v she_o in_o heart_n even_o till_o she_o enjoy_v full_a communion_n with_o her_o belove_a in_o heaven_n as_o she_o begin_v to_o seek_v after_o god_n betimes_o about_o the_o age_n of_o nine_o year_n so_o she_o continue_v with_o her_o loin_n gird_v her_o lamp_n burn_v and_o her_o light_n shine_v more_o and_o more_o till_o the_o perfect_a day_n the_o tenderness_n of_o god_n the_o malice_n of_o satan_n her_o patience_n in_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o certain_a year_n to_o gether_o in_o her_o first_o conversion_n be_v remarkable_a the_o closeness_n of_o her_o spirit_n not_o open_v her_o condition_n to_o such_o as_o may_v have_v relieve_v she_o her_o seek_v to_o heal_v herself_o by_o duty_n and_o holy_a walk_n for_o a_o long_a time_n keep_v down_o her_o soul_n from_o look_v up_o to_o the_o free_a grace_n in_o christ_n till_o she_o be_v even_o tire_v out_o as_o noah_n dove_n by_o flutter_v upon_o the_o unsteady_a water_n but_o then_o the_o lord_n jesus_n put_v forth_o his_o hand_n and_o take_v her_o weary_a soul_n into_o the_o ark_n of_o his_o rest_n give_v she_o such_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o himself_o that_o now_o have_v with_o the_o spouse_n find_v she_o belove_v she_o take_v he_o and_o catch_v he_o and_o hold_v he_o and_o will_v not_o let_v he_o go_v oft_o say_v with_o the_o spouse_n let_v he_o kiss_v i_o with_o the_o kiss_n of_o his_o mouth_n for_o his_o love_n be_v better_a than_o wine_n be_v able_a from_o that_o time_n to_o sing_v the_o sweet_a song_n of_o simeon_n long_v to_o be_v at_o home_n with_o her_o jesus_n oh_o the_o peace_n and_o or_o oh_o the_o bless_a reviving_n and_o quickning_n oh_o the_o prayer_n praise_n and_o admiring_n her_o precious_a soul_n be_v fill_v withal_o from_o that_o day_n forward_o though_o now_o aâ—d_v then_o some_o secret_a withdrawing_n to_o the_o last_o moment_n of_o her_o life_n her_o conversation_n be_v in_o heaven_n she_o walk_v with_o god_n her_o heart_n loosen_a from_o this_o world_n as_o this_o treatise_n full_o speak_v so_o much_o of_o her_o strength_n spirit_n affection_n and_o time_n she_o spend_v in_o closet-meeting_n with_o god_n in_o read_v pray_v meditation_n self-examination_n etc._n etc._n that_o it_o be_v a_o wonder_n her_o poor_a weak_a body_n be_v able_a to_o subsist_v and_o doubtless_o have_v not_o god_n renew_v her_o strength_n anoint_v she_o with_o fresh_a oil_n it_o can_v not_o have_v be_v i_o marvel_v i_o confess_v to_o see_v so_o many_o of_o her_o writing_n find_v in_o her_o closet_n as_o i_o do_v god_n give_v she_o a_o quick_a wit_n a_o large_a understanding_n a_o consider_a spirit_n and_o look_v much_o into_o herself_o teach_v she_o to_o put_v a_o high_a price_n on_o ordinance_n make_v she_o very_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o mean_v lay_v she_o very_o low_a in_o she_o own_o eye_n with_o much_o self-emptiness_n &_o thus_o bespoko_fw-mi a_o la_fw-fr ge_fw-mi room_n in_o her_o heart_n that_o he_o may_v bestow_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o christ_n therein_o and_o so_o make_v she_o a_o vessel_n capable_a of_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o grace_n then_o i_o be_o persuade_v many_o other_o though_o true_o godly_a attain_v on_o this_o side_n heaven_n so_o exceed_v tender_a be_v her_o heart_n in_o point_n of_o sin_n that_o she_o will_v often_o and_o deep_o judge_v herself_o as_o this_o treatise_n abundant_o show_v for_o pride_n passion_n inordinate_a love_n to_o the_o creature_n neglect_v of_o duty_n to_o her_o relation_n etc._n etc._n whereas_o those_o that_o daily_a converse_v with_o she_o be_v of_o discern_a spirit_n can_v see_v no_o such_o appearance_n but_o the_o contrary_a frame_n of_o spirit_n eminent_o shine_v out_o in_o she_o she_o be_v so_o afraid_a of_o pride_n that_o she_o dare_v not_o wear_v such_o jewel_n &_o apparel_n as_o she_o have_v by_o she_o for_o feâ—r_v her_o heart_n shall_v be_v draw_v from_o god_n thereby_o and_o so_o fearful_a of_o vain_a glory_n that_o though_o she_o have_v this_o treatise_n of_o the_o income_n of_o god_n lie_v by_o she_o yet_o not_o any_o no_o not_o her_o dear_a parent_n ever_o know_v thereof_o till_o they_o find_v it_o in_o her_o closet_n after_o her_o death_n her_o sell_v leave_v this_o as_o the_o reason_n lest_o her_o wretched_a heart_n shall_v be_v lift_v up_o and_o other_o shall_v think_v better_o of_o she_o than_o be_v meet_v she_o be_v such_o a_o high_a prizer_n of_o ordinance_n that_o she_o forget_v the_o weakness_n of_o her_o own_o body_n the_o length_n of_o the_o way_n &_o many_o other_o obstructon_n will_v frequent_o break_v through_o all_o to_o enjoy_v they_o and_o when_o she_o be_v to_o hear_v she_o first_o be_v full_a of_o prayer_n to_o god_n to_o meet_v she_o therein_o and_o make_v out_o some_o discovery_n to_o her_o soul_n which_o the_o lord_n usual_o do_v and_o she_o straight_o observe_v god_n income_n return_v with_o praise_n her_o deep_a acknowledgement_n of_o the_o same_o no_o small_a importunity_n of_o very_a many_o godly_a that_o know_v she_o have_v force_v the_o publish_n of_o this_o treatise_n and_o other_o of_o long_o stand_v in_o christ_n and_o eminent_a grace_n who_o have_v see_v some_o of_o it_o in_o manuscript_n have_v free_o confess_v they_o never_o look_v into_o it_o but_o be_v much_o humble_v to_o so_o how_o short_a themselves_o come_v in_o such_o heart-searching_n self-judging_n close-walkings_a with_o god_n and_o such_o observe_n of_o the_o answer_n of_o their_o prayer_n as_o they_o read_v in_o this_o her_o daily_a practice_n i_o hope_v it_o may_v be_v useful_a in_o these_o decline_a time_n to_o convince_v some_o christian_n of_o their_o slackness_n and_o awaken_v other_o and_o show_v they_o how_o to_o make_v more_o heart-work_n by_o the_o example_n of_o one_o of_o the_o weak_a sex_n and_o if_o to_o thy_o knowledge_n it_o shall_v not_o add_v much_o yet_o to_o thy_o spirit_n and_o practise_v it_o may_v conduce_v not_o a_o little_a thou_o in_o our_o dear_a lord_n and_o head_n tho._n weld_n to_o all_o that_o love_v the_o appearance_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n grace_n and_o peace_n be_v call_v upon_o by_o the_o earnest_a importunity_n of_o many_o gracious_a soul_n to_o give_v forth_o my_o testimony_n of_o this_o bless_a servant_n of_o christ_n mr_n anne_n venn_n and_o have_v have_v many_o year_n converse_v about_o the_o great_a matter_n of_o eternal_a life_n with_o she_o and_o enjoy_v her_o society_n for_o some_o year_n in_o the_o holy_a fellowship_n of_o the_o gospel_n i_o can_v not_o but_o present_a to_o the_o saint_n the_o sweet_a savour_n of_o her_o holy_a walk_n in_o which_o she_o be_v a_o lively_a example_n to_o all_o that_o know_v she_o the_o lord_n first_o break_v in_o upon_o her_o heart_n by_o the_o frequent_a impression_n of_o the_o word_n as_o they_o be_v instill_v into_o she_o by_o her_o honour_a father_n who_o practice_n be_v to_o reinforce_v the_o truth_n public_o preach_v
why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n the_o lord_n set_v this_o home_n with_o much_o power_n upon_o my_o spirit_n at_o this_o time_n have_v be_v all_o the_o winter_n deprive_v of_o the_o enjoy_n of_o any_o public_a mean_n the_o lord_n i_o say_v set_v this_o scripture_n so_o home_o upon_o my_o spirit_n i_o begin_v at_o last_o to_o reason_n thus_o with_o myself_o and_o to_o demand_v of_o my_o soul_n the_o reason_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v also_o to_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o view_n of_o some_o sermon_n of_o mr._n marshal_n and_o other_o which_o i_o have_v former_o hear_v some_o expression_n in_o they_o be_v bring_v to_o my_o mind_n wherein_o i_o find_v several_a answer_n to_o many_o thing_n which_o i_o allege_v as_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n i_o be_v also_o by_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v put_v upon_o a_o review_n of_o that_o little_a book_n call_v the_o marrow_n of_o modern_a divinity_n which_o i_o have_v former_o read_v with_o much_o tremble_a with_o a_o secret_a persuasion_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o those_o be_v real_a truth_n though_o former_o i_o neither_o can_v nor_o dare_v full_o close_a with_o they_o which_o two_o mean_n do_v through_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n at_o the_o present_a somewhat_o settle_v and_o quiet_v my_o turmoil_v spirit_n then_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o year_n 1651._o go_v into_o the_o country_n and_o stay_n about_o a_o month_n within_o 4_o or_o 5_o mile_n where_o mr._n stevens_n exercise_v have_v hear_v of_o he_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o hear_v he_o which_o also_o i_o do_v 3_o or_o 4_o time_n with_o much_o content_n he_o be_v one_o of_o those_o time_n upon_o gal._n 3._o 8._o the_o scripture_n foresee_v that_o god_n will_v justify_v the_o heathen_a through_o faith_n etc._n etc._n where_o he_o show_v we_o full_o that_o god_n do_v not_o justify_v the_o righteous_a but_o even_a heathen_n ungodly_a man_n which_o word_n add_v somewhat_o to_o my_o comfort_n only_o i_o can_v not_o say_v i_o have_v faith_n and_o this_o stumble_v i_o again_o then_o come_v to_o colechester_n and_o rest_v only_o one_o lord_n day_n there_o i_o hear_v mr._n archer_n who_o by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n be_v then_o upon_o that_o scripture_n in_o joh._n 16._o 8._o where_o the_o lord_n promise_v to_o send_v the_o spirit_n &_o that_o it_o shall_v convince_v the_o world_n of_o sin_n and_o of_o righteousness_n where_o he_o full_o show_v that_o it_o be_v the_o office_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o convince_v humble_a sinner_n of_o a_o all-sufficient_a righteousness_n in_o jesus_n christ_n thereupon_o still_o labour_v to_o take_v man_n off_o from_o all_o dependence_n upon_o their_o own_o righteousness_n or_o any_o thing_n in_o they_o or_o do_v by_o they_o which_o i_o now_o find_v i_o have_v be_v very_o guilty_a of_o tell_v we_o also_o that_o all_o those_o duty_n grace_n or_o qualification_n that_o we_o so_o rest_v upon_o be_v not_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n etc._n etc._n therefore_o too_o scant_o and_o narrow_a to_o cover_v any_o soul_n at_o which_o time_n i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o do_v real_o believe_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o strike_v the_o first_o and_o great_a blow_n to_o dependence_n on_o my_o own_o act_n although_o i_o have_v yet_o much_o confusion_n and_o trouble_n in_o my_o spirit_n concern_v this_o thing_n be_v yet_o very_o dark_a in_o the_o understanding_n of_o it_o but_o in_o this_o short_a time_n of_o my_o be_v in_o the_o country_n the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n thus_o begin_v as_o it_o be_v to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o be_v strange_o in_o my_o own_o thought_n i_o hope_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n put_v upon_o the_o desire_n of_o communion_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n according_a to_o the_o gospel_n and_o so_o upon_o the_o search_n of_o the_o scripture_n according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n to_o that_o end_n accompany_v with_o the_o experience_n i_o former_o have_v of_o that_o way_n call_v the_o presbytery_n which_o i_o be_v now_o very_a much_o unsatisfied_a in_o which_o dissatisfaction_n be_v at_o the_o present_a only_o ground_v upon_o the_o practice_n of_o they_o who_o walk_v in_o that_o way_n find_v they_o general_o so_o full_a of_o wrath_n bitterness_n clamour_n and_o evil_a speak_v even_o of_o brethren_n which_o i_o conceive_v not_o to_o be_v a_o gospel-frame_n of_o spirit_n compare_v with_o those_o who_o practise_v the_o contrary_n which_o be_v much_o set_v upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o be_v more_o sweet_a humble_a and_o christian_n like_a as_o also_o a_o way_n for_o more_o growth_n and_o establishment_n be_v more_o full_a of_o love_n which_o the_o gospel_n be_v so_o full_a of_o and_o watch_v over_o one_o another_o etc._n etc._n which_o i_o now_o see_v i_o stand_v in_o great_a need_n of_o and_o therefore_o much_o desire_v find_v my_o spirit_n then_o much_o draw_v out_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n direction_n in_o it_o beseech_v he_o more_o and_o more_o to_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o in_o what_o way_n of_o worship_n i_o may_v most_o honour_v he_o and_o meet_v with_o and_o enjoy_v most_o of_o he_o as_o also_o when_o and_o where_o i_o may_v so_o join_v beg_v of_o he_o also_o with_o much_o and_o earnest_a desire_n to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o then_o come_v home_o again_o my_o trouble_n renew_v to_o think_v how_o my_o lot_n be_v cast_v in_o such_o a_o place_n where_o i_o have_v little_a society_n that_o i_o can_v reap_v any_o benefit_n from_o and_o under_o his_o ministry_n which_o i_o continual_o find_v very_o unprofitable_a to_o i_o at_o last_o make_v this_o know_v to_o a_o friend_n how_o dissatisfy_v i_o be_v to_o hear_v he_o she_o advise_v i_o to_o go_v hear_v mr._n knight_n which_o according_o i_o do_v about_o midsummer_n 1651._o who_o through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n do_v full_o lay_v open_a the_o free_a and_o abundant_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o poor_a creature_n who_o see_v their_o lose_a and_o undo_v condition_n out_o of_o christ_n through_o who_o ministry_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o go_v on_o to_o convince_v i_o yet_o far_o and_o more_o full_o of_o my_o great_a unbeleef_n and_o deafness_n to_o jesus_n christ_n which_o have_v wrought_v so_o many_o sad_a trouble_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v convince_v of_o which_o i_o will_v glad_o have_v close_v with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o rely_v upon_o he_o have_v nothing_o to_o say_v against_o it_o but_o only_o my_o own_o wretchedness_n which_o be_v so_o often_o and_o full_o by_o he_o answer_v i_o have_v at_o last_o nothing_o to_o say_v but_o only_o that_o i_o be_v so_o overpower_a with_o unbelief_n that_o though_o i_o will_v have_v close_v with_o jesus_n christ_n glad_o and_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n yet_o i_o neither_o dare_v nor_o can_v do_v it_o as_o i_o then_o think_v then_o have_v hear_v of_o the_o meeting_n at_o mr._n knight_n house_n we_o go_v thither_o towards_o the_o end_n of_o aug._n 1651._o be_v about_o a_o week_n before_o the_o fight_n at_o worcester_n at_o which_o time_n they_o apply_v themselves_o much_o to_o speak_v to_o the_o present_a condition_n of_o the_o nation_n and_o the_o godly_a in_o it_o but_o after_o some_o time_n frequent_v this_o meeting_n and_o find_v much_o refreshment_n and_o satisfaction_n from_o it_o about_o a_o month_n or_o two_o at_o the_o most_o after_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o draw_v out_o my_o spirit_n exceed_o to_o spread_v my_o condition_n before_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o crave_v the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n in_o that_o meeting_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o my_o trouble_a soul_n and_o according_o though_o with_o much_o repulse_n in_o myself_o i_o write_v a_o paper_n wherein_o i_o do_v acknowledge_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o have_v be_v convince_v of_o my_o wretched_a condition_n i_o do_v thereupon_o labour_n and_o strive_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o the_o lord_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v no_o way_n able_a to_o accomplish_v i_o dare_v not_o believe_v or_o go_v to_o god_n as_o a_o father_n but_o be_v in_o some_o measure_n convince_v that_o i_o be_v all_o this_o while_n out_o of_o the_o way_n not_o be_v yet_o thorough_o convince_v of_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n but_o go_v about_o too_o much_o to_o establish_v my_o own_o righteousness_n i_o do_v then_o desire_v their_o prayer_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o reveal_v more_o of_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o jesus_n christ_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o enable_v i_o to_o deny_v myself_o and_o rely_v whole_o upon_o he_o and_o have_v a_o fit_a opportunity_n of_o privacy_n come_v there_o before_o any_o other_o company_n i_o lay_v it_o down_o upon_o the_o table_n and_o it_o
please_v the_o lord_n so_o to_o order_v it_o mr._n knight_n be_v absent_a mr._n barker_n come_v in_o that_o day_n who_o be_v altogether_o unknown_a to_o i_o who_o take_v a_o view_n of_o this_o paper_n among_o other_o do_v mention_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n both_o in_o the_o entrance_n as_o also_o in_o the_o close_a of_o that_o day_n service_n the_o lord_n put_v into_o his_o heart_n and_o mouth_n a_o very_a seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n which_o be_v then_o speak_v from_o 2_o pet._n 2._o 3_o 4_o 5._o if_o so_o be_v that_o you_o have_v taste_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a to_o who_o come_v as_o live_a stone_n dissallow_v indeed_o of_o man_n but_o choose_v of_o god_n and_o precious_a etc._n etc._n from_o which_o scripture_n and_o what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o he_o at_o that_o time_n to_o communicate_v from_o it_o do_v my_o soul_n receive_v very_o much_o refreshment_n and_o satisfaction_n then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o direct_v the_o spirit_n of_o those_o that_o carry_v on_o that_o meeting_n to_o treat_v much_o about_o temptation_n from_o which_o there_o be_v many_o seasonable_a useful_a truth_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n find_v by_o this_o discourse_n that_o scripture_n in_o 1_o cor._n 10._o 13._o plain_o make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o no_o temptation_n have_v take_v i_o but_o such_o as_o i_o now_o see_v be_v common_a to_o other_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o think_v but_o to_o be_v the_o people_n of_o god_n now_o hear_v they_o complain_v of_o the_o same_o thing_n which_o together_o with_o the_o refreshment_n and_o support_a consideration_n under_o each_o of_o these_o which_o be_v hold_v out_o to_o we_o be_v my_o poor_a droop_a spirit_n mighty_o support_v after_o this_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n also_o to_o direct_v they_o in_o this_o meeting_n to_o treat_v about_o that_o great_a grace_n of_o faith_n and_o so_o afterward_o to_o answer_v many_o doubt_n and_o fear_n that_o lay_v upon_o many_o soul_n from_o all_o which_o be_v too_o large_a here_o to_o relate_v my_o soul_n receive_v very_o much_o refresh_v be_v in_o the_o close_a of_o that_o service_n put_v again_o upon_o it_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n through_o these_o his_o servant_n to_o put_v the_o question_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o every_o turn_n doubt_v whence_o come_v thou_o or_o wherefore_o do_v thou_o doubt_v and_o true_o the_o lord_n have_v speak_v so_o much_o to_o my_o soul_n by_o all_o these_o mean_n and_o instrument_n former_o mention_v that_o the_o strength_n of_o my_o doubt_n and_o fear_n begin_v so_o to_o scatter_v that_o i_o can_v give_v very_o little_a account_n of_o the_o cause_n or_o ground_n of_o they_o be_v also_o now_o convince_v in_o some_o measure_n that_o i_o do_v by_o these_o doubt_n fear_n jealousy_n and_o hard_a thought_n of_o god_n much_o provoke_v and_o dishonour_v he_o so_o that_o though_o former_o i_o think_v it_o as_o it_o be_v a_o virtue_n in_o i_o to_o be_v doubt_v and_o question_v my_o estate_n i_o come_v now_o in_o some_o measure_n through_o grace_n to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v a_o heinous_a sin_n and_o therefore_o to_o endeavour_v strive_v and_o pray_v and_o do_v all_o i_o can_v against_o they_o yet_o do_v often_o i_o lie_v under_o many_o sad_a apprehension_n arise_v hence_o be_v convince_v by_o the_o word_n in_o read_v in_o one_o of_o mr._n burrows_n book_n that_o there_o be_v no_o worship_n acceptable_a to_o god_n but_o that_o which_o be_v tender_v up_o to_o he_o as_o a_o father_n and_o the_o father_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n now_o i_o not_o find_v myself_o able_a at_o that_o time_n to_o look_v upon_o god_n or_o look_v up_o to_o he_o under_o this_o relation_n of_o a_o father_n only_o look_v upon_o he_o as_o a_o gracious_a merciful_a and_o yet_o withal_o a_o just_a severe_a god_n this_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n than_o do_v the_o lord_n by_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v by_o mr._n knight_n at_o the_o chapel_n at_o hammersmith_n put_v i_o upon_o the_o serious_a thought_n of_o that_o scripture_n in_o jer._n 3._o 1_o 4_o 12_o 13_o 14_o 15_o 19_o vers_fw-la which_o at_o that_o time_n take_v much_o upon_o my_o heart_n in_o this_o particular_a have_v no_o power_n to_o gainsay_v the_o duty_n require_v in_o it_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v by_o mr._n knight_n and_o sometime_o some_o other_o to_o come_v in_o further_o carry_v on_o this_o work_n that_o he_o have_v thus_o begin_v in_o my_o soul_n enable_v i_o daily_o more_o and_o more_o to_o grow_v up_o towards_o a_o more_o full_a assurance_n and_o confident_a roll_v upon_o and_o give_v up_o my_o whole_a soul_n to_o jesus_n christ_n give_v i_o bodily_a to_o see_v more_o and_o more_o my_o own_o emptiness_n &_o nothingness_n &_o the_o conrinual_a need_n i_o stand_v in_o of_o he_o without_o who_o i_o now_o see_v that_o i_o be_v nothing_o have_v nothing_o and_o can_v have_v nothing_o but_o only_a sin_n as_o also_o that_o fullness_n that_o be_v in_o he_o together_o with_o a_o readiness_n to_o give_v forth_o and_o communicate_v out_o of_o it_o to_o poor_a creature_n who_o see_v the_o need_n they_o have_v of_o it_o and_o come_v to_o he_o for_o it_o which_o i_o now_o desire_v above_o all_o thing_n strength_n to_o do_v and_o that_o i_o may_v go_v whole_o out_o of_o myself_o and_o come_v to_o he_o for_o life_n then_o hear_v that_o mr._n knight_n and_o some_o few_o christian_n more_o be_v about_o gather_v into_o a_o communion_n together_o i_o be_v much_o rejoice_v in_o spirit_n at_o it_o suppose_v that_o happy_o the_o lord_n may_v please_v to_o make_v it_o a_o mercy_n to_o i_o if_o i_o can_v but_o see_v he_o clear_v up_o my_o way_n and_o open_v a_o door_n for_o i_o to_o join_v with_o they_o which_o work_n seem_v for_o a_o time_n to_o go_v on_o in_o their_o desire_n and_o intention_n yet_o there_o be_v much_o fear_n arise_v in_o my_o spirit_n concern_v it_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o make_v out_o my_o condition_n so_o as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v approve_v of_o be_v full_a of_o ebbing_n and_o flow_n sometime_o hope_v a_o little_a and_o sometime_o again_o full_a of_o fear_n thus_o be_v at_o a_o great_a stand_n in_o myself_o not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v but_o often_o seek_v the_o lord_n concern_v it_o who_o be_v please_v at_o last_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o take_v up_o this_o resolution_n that_o through_o his_o grace_n assist_v of_o i_o i_o will_v put_v it_o upon_o the_o trial_n rely_v upon_o he_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o make_v out_o what_o himself_o have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n though_o in_o much_o weakness_n yet_o i_o hope_v in_o truth_n and_o this_o i_o be_v the_o more_o willing_a unto_o that_o scripture_n or_o rule_n of_o the_o apostle_n be_v then_o much_o set_v upon_o the_o heart_n in_o the_o 1_o pet._n 3._o 15._o be_v ready_a always_o to_o give_v a_o answer_n to_o every_o man_n that_o ask_v you_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o you_o with_o meekness_n and_o fear_n and_o though_o i_o be_v very_o sensible_a of_o my_o own_o disability_n hereunto_o yet_o rather_o than_o to_o deprive_v myself_o of_o such_o a_o benefit_n i_o be_v enable_v in_o some_o measure_n to_o submit_v yet_o not_o without_o many_o fear_n and_o that_o strong_a one_o too_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v accept_v of_o the_o lord_n now_o enable_v i_o to_o take_v up_o these_o thought_n that_o i_o will_v through_o his_o assistance_n do_v my_o duty_n and_o offer_v myself_o and_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v so_o order_v the_o spirit_n of_o his_o people_n to_o deny_v i_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o see_v his_o mind_n and_o to_o expect_v strength_n from_o he_o to_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n manite_v through_o it_o acknowledge_v it_o no_o more_o nor_o so_o much_o as_o i_o have_v deserve_v consider_v with_o all_o that_o my_o desire_n be_v chief_o and_o in_o the_o first_o place_n to_o approve_v myself_o to_o the_o lord_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o his_o people_n also_o but_o if_o otherwise_o my_o desire_n be_v though_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o do_v it_o yet_o however_o to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n and_o follow_v he_o still_o until_o he_o shall_v see_v good_a to_o make_v out_o a_o way_n for_o i_o then_o be_v there_o a_o day_n keep_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n on_o the_o behalf_n of_o mrs._n arnal_a which_o by_o providence_n i_o hear_v of_o and_o have_v a_o desire_n to_o be_v at_o which_o according_o i_o do_v at_o which_o time_n my_o spirit_n be_v much_o stir_v up_o to_o crave_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n that_o
to_o enable_v he_o to_o make_v out_o yet_o more_o clear_o that_o work_n that_o he_o have_v wrought_v in_o his_o soul_n if_o indeed_o there_o be_v any_o or_o else_o give_v we_o such_o a_o discern_a spirit_n as_o may_v teach_v we_o what_o to_o do_v in_o it_o that_o if_o it_o be_v his_o will_n there_o may_v no_o soul_n come_v in_o among_o we_o that_o may_v any_o way_n darken_v his_o glory_n but_o that_o those_o that_o be_v receive_v may_v be_v such_o as_o himself_o by_o his_o spirit_n shall_v receive_v nor_o none_o be_v detain_v but_o such_o as_o himself_o shall_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o poor_a servant_n detain_v as_o also_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o with_o much_o earnestness_n that_o if_o there_o be_v no_o real_a work_n of_o he_o upon_o his_o heart_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o find_v out_o some_o way_n or_o other_o in_o his_o wisdom_n to_o keep_v he_o off_o april_n 24._o 1653._o be_v the_o lord_n please_v gracious_o to_o convince_v i_o yet_o further_o of_o my_o sinful_a passion_n and_o aptness_n to_o be_v angry_a either_o without_o a_o cause_n or_o upon_o a_o light_a ground_n and_o so_o to_o dishonour_v the_o lord_n which_o conviction_n be_v set_v home_o from_o mr._n knight_n expression_n of_o mat._n 5._o 22._o i_o say_v if_o you_o be_v angry_a with_o your_o brother_n without_o a_o cause_n you_o shall_v be_v in_o danger_n of_o judgement_n and_o whosoever_o say_v to_o his_o brother_n racha_n which_o word_n express_v their_o contemn_v of_o their_o brethren_n that_o be_v to_o have_v contemptible_a thought_n of_o they_o this_o be_v a_o great_a evil_n for_o this_o be_v in_o danger_n of_o the_o council_n but_o whosoever_o shall_v say_v thou_o fool_n that_o be_v one_o that_o have_v no_o understanding_n but_o be_v even_o as_o a_o beast_n this_o be_v in_o christ_n judgement_n a_o heinous_a sin_n for_o say_v he_o he_o shall_v be_v in_o danger_n of_o hell_n fire_n from_o all_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o set_v it_o home_o upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o have_v be_v exceed_o guilty_a even_o to_o this_o day_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n of_o those_o evil_n which_o conviction_n i_o desire_v may_v abide_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o make_v i_o through_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n more_o watchful_a over_o my_o own_o heart_n in_o this_o respect_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v be_v there_o be_v one_o conviction_n more_o this_o day_n set_v upon_o my_o heart_n from_o these_o word_n if_o thou_o remember_v thy_o brother_n have_v aught_o against_o thou_o he_o do_v not_o say_v if_o thou_o have_v aught_o against_o he_o but_o if_o he_o have_v aught_o against_o thou_o do_v thou_o seek_v reconciliation_n yea_o leave_v not_o till_o it_o be_v wrought_v out_o from_o which_o the_o lord_n not_o only_o convince_v i_o of_o this_o my_o duty_n and_o tell_v i_o i_o shall_v not_o suffer_v any_o prejudice_n to_o lie_v in_o my_o heart_n against_o any_o but_o also_o much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n under_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o as_o that_o which_o through_o grace_n i_o find_v the_o lord_n have_v real_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n and_o enable_v i_o daily_o to_o practice_v the_o same_o day_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n to_o convince_v my_o soul_n that_o it_o be_v not_o the_o performance_n of_o duty_n at_o set_a time_n this_o be_v not_o all_o require_v but_o when_o the_o soul_n be_v indeed_o pain_a under_o the_o sense_n of_o its_o want_n of_o inlargedness_n to_o christ_n and_o the_o like_a that_o it_o cry_v out_o as_o the_o infant_n after_o the_o breast_n &_o be_v not_o satisfy_v with_o any_o thing_n without_o it_o but_o the_o soul_n pant_v within_o itself_o and_o want_v some_o manifestation_n of_o christ_n and_o this_o put_v upon_o duty_n from_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o convince_v my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v be_v sad_o guilty_a of_o the_o misperformance_n of_o duty_n in_o this_o respect_n many_o time_n which_o put_v my_o soul_n upon_o a_o search_n into_o itself_o whether_o i_o be_v not_o guilty_a in_o this_o respect_n after_o which_o i_o find_v i_o have_v be_v often_o guilty_a of_o the_o misperformance_n of_o duty_n do_v they_o many_o time_n especial_o heretofore_o without_o this_o strong_a pant_a and_o sense_n of_o my_o want_n april_n 27._o oh_o my_o soul_n be_v thou_o not_o able_a to_o say_v through_o grace_n before_o the_o lord_n the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n that_o there_o be_v hardly_o that_o word_n come_v out_o of_o thy_o mouth_n or_o that_o action_n do_v by_o thou_o in_o any_o place_n or_o company_n that_o pass_v by_o thou_o without_o a_o reveiw_n judge_v and_o condemn_v thyself_o for_o they_o the_o beginning_n of_o may_n though_o i_o can_v find_v little_a fruit_n or_o growth_n in_o my_o soul_n the_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o soul_n be_v as_o it_o be_v draw_v over_o with_o a_o cloud_n yet_o even_o then_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n much_o refresh_v thou_o by_o enable_v thou_o in_o some_o measure_n to_o roll_n upon_o that_o gracious_a word_n which_o have_v be_v at_o seasonable_a time_n bring_v to_o thy_o view_n that_o in_o hos_n 4._o 8._o i_o be_o as_o a_o green_a firr-tree_n in_o i_o be_v thy_o fruit_n find_v now_o this_o tree_n be_v always_o green_a do_v not_o the_o lord_n sometime_o disappoint_v the_o expectation_n oh_o my_o soul_n even_o of_o the_o sensible_a enjoyment_n of_o his_o own_o presence_n in_o a_o duty_n or_o ordinance_n or_o society_n that_o he_o may_v the_o more_o sweeten_v it_o to_o thou_o when_o he_o be_v please_v to_o appear_v and_o the_o more_o to_o draw_v thou_o out_o to_o seek_v his_o appearance_n and_o to_o cry_v mighty_o after_o he_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o shall_v thou_o say_v thou_o can_v not_o find_v love_n to_o god_n when_o thou_o do_v so_o frequent_o and_o restles_o desire_v the_o presence_n and_o appearance_n of_o god_n in_o every_o ordinance_n and_o duty_n if_o it_o be_v not_o for_o his_o own_o sake_n why_o do_v not_o my_o soul_n sit_v down_o and_o rest_v content_v with_o the_o ordinance_n themselves_o two_o paper_n be_v give_v to_o mr._n knight_n to_o present_v before_o the_o lord_n at_o a_o private_a fast_o at_o fulham_n chapel_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o the_o nation_n may_v 4_o 1653._o 1_o one_o who_o continual_o groan_v before_o the_o lord_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o the_o body_n of_o death_n and_o the_o continual_a issue_v of_o it_o out_o in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n to_o the_o dishonour_n of_o that_o god_n that_o deserve_v for_o ever_o even_o by_o their_o soul_n to_o be_v admire_v and_o praise_v be_v a_o god_n that_o delight_v in_o mercy_n and_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o to_o their_o poor_a soul_n notwithstanding_o all_o their_o rebellion_n against_o he_o the_o desire_n therefore_o of_o their_o soul_n be_v that_o you_o who_o love_n and_o feat_n the_o lord_n will_v improve_v your_o interest_n in_o he_o in_o their_o behalf_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o more_o power_n over_o all_o their_o corruption_n that_o however_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o deal_v with_o their_o body_n though_o he_o wound_n yet_o it_o be_v he_o that_o heal_v though_o he_o lay_v sickness_n weakness_n distemper_n whatever_o he_o please_v upon_o they_o that_o yet_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v they_o more_o strength_n in_o their_o inward_a man_n to_o subdue_v and_o mortify_v their_o corruption_n and_o resist_v all_o the_o fiery_a dart_n of_o satan_n enable_v they_o to_o walk_v with_o a_o holy_a awe_n and_o fear_v of_o his_o bless_a self_n in_o the_o whole_a course_n of_o their_o conversation_n in_o all_o their_o relation_n and_o under_o the_o dispensation_n of_o god_n to_o they_o that_o so_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v they_o may_v never_o prove_v by_o their_o uneven_a conversation_n any_o blot_n or_o blemish_n to_o the_o glorious_a gospel_n of_o god_n and_o their_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n the_o thought_n whereof_o be_v if_o their_o heart_n deceive_v they_o not_o more_o bitter_a than_o death_n 2_o one_o who_o earnest_o desire_v that_o those_o who_o fear_v the_o lord_n will_v wrestle_v mighty_o with_o he_o in_o the_o behalf_n of_o some_o poor_a dead_a dark_a soul_n who_o be_v near_o relate_v to_o they_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v once_o be_v please_v to_o speak_v so_o effectual_o to_o their_o heart_n that_o they_o may_v be_v cause_v to_o stand_v up_o on_o their_o foot_n and_o jesus_n christ_n may_v give_v they_o life_n that_o see_v he_o have_v say_v the_o dead_a shall_v hear_v the_o voice_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o hear_v live_v that_o this_o bless_a word_n may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o their_o soul_n that_o so_o they_o
degree_n of_o it_o which_o thou_o see_v through_o mercy_n by_o other_o though_o not_o visible_o to_o they_o thus_o do_v the_o lord_n bring_v a_o good_a issue_n out_o of_o their_o own_o speech_n and_o word_n cause_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o at_o his_o foot_n expect_v the_o punishment_n of_o thy_o iniquity_n yea_o great_a difficulty_n than_o these_o have_v the_o lord_n carry_v thou_o through_o when_o all_o the_o power_n of_o hell_n and_o thy_o own_o corruption_n have_v combine_v together_o to_o keep_v thou_o from_o duty_n of_o prayer_n meditation_n and_o examination_n and_o the_o like_a and_o yet_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v thou_o to_o break_v through_o all_o and_o to_o pour_v out_o thy_o soul_n to_o he_o when_o thou_o be_v even_o in_o thy_o own_o apprehension_n at_o the_o pit_n brink_n and_o yet_o resolve_v to_o cry_v to_o he_o and_o not_o to_o give_v over_o cry_v and_o call_v whilst_o thou_o live_v notwithstanding_o all_o temptation_n to_o the_o contrary_a yea_o the_o more_o strong_a the_o temptation_n be_v the_o more_o speedy_o be_v thou_o fain_o to_o address_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o his_o strength_n and_o power_n to_o assist_v thou_o in_o grapple_v with_o they_o yea_o when_o some_o time_n overcome_v as_o it_o be_v and_o beat_v down_o by_o satan_n and_o enter_v the_o very_a border_n of_o despair_n yet_o even_o thence_o from_o this_o belly_n of_o hell_n in_o which_o thou_o do_v apprehend_v thyself_o already_o enter_v do_v not_o the_o lord_n enable_v thou_o to_o cry_v to_o he_o &_o resolve_v to_o give_v he_o no_o rest_n yea_o when_o thou_o find_v no_o advantage_n or_o profit_n of_o all_o thy_o prayer_n and_o tear_n &_o sigh_n &_o croan_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n seem_v to_o turn_v a_o deaf_a ear_n yet_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n enable_v thou_o to_o go_v on_o and_o to_o tell_v he_o that_o all_o those_o comfort_n and_o enjoyment_n here_o below_o they_o be_v poor_a mean_a thing_n such_o as_o thou_o can_v not_o take_v for_o thy_o portion_n and_o therefore_o do_v beg_v with_o submission_n to_o his_o will_n that_o if_o he_o have_v no_o other_o for_o thou_o but_o the_o portion_n of_o this_o life_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o deny_v thou_o they_o also_o and_o never_o give_v they_o to_o be_v a_o snare_n but_o rather_o let_v thou_o end_v thy_o day_n in_o some_o desolate_a wilderness_n 3._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o cheerful_a service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v thou_o not_o able_a to_o say_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n through_o his_o grace_n that_o so_o much_o faithfulness_n as_o thou_o can_v discern_v in_o thou_o in_o any_o service_n of_o thy_o lord_n be_v thy_o very_a joy_n and_o rejoice_n of_o thy_o heart_n but_o on_o the_o other_o side_n so_o much_o unfaithfulness_n as_o thou_o can_v discern_v in_o any_o service_n this_o be_v it_o that_o make_v thou_o go_v mourn_v all_o thy_o day_n because_o thou_o be_v no_o more_o fruitful_a 4._o o_o my_o soul_n thy_o faithfulness_n in_o some_o measure_n appear_v in_o that_o thou_o be_v rejoice_v real_o in_o spirit_n when_o any_o opportunity_n be_v put_v into_o thy_o hand_n and_o thy_o heart_n be_v enable_v in_o any_o measure_n to_o improve_v it_o to_o the_o service_n and_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o thy_o lord_n and_o be_v thou_o not_o on_o the_o contrary_a grieve_v that_o thou_o have_v so_o many_o opportunity_n offer_v before_o thou_o but_o like_o a_o fool_n have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o improve_v they_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o thy_o lord_n be_v not_o this_o thy_o daily_a burden_n lord_n thou_o know_v it_o be_v &_o when_o through_o the_o subtlety_n of_o satan_n and_o deceit_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o fool_n away_o many_o rich_a opportunity_n by_o not_o improve_n of_o they_o which_o after_o prove_v a_o sad_a burden_n and_o affliction_n to_o i_o 5._o o_o my_o soul_n do_v there_o not_o appear_v some_o degree_n of_o faithfulness_n to_o thy_o lord_n in_o that_o thy_o endeavour_n do_v come_v still_o beneath_o thy_o desire_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n real_o enable_v thou_o through_o grace_n to_o say_v with_o paul_n the_o good_a that_o i_o will_v do_v i_o do_v not_o but_o o_o that_o i_o can_v do_v it_o that_o i_o can_v serve_v the_o lord_n more_o and_o better_o but_o oh_o how_o low_o do_v i_o live_v and_o how_o poor_o do_v i_o walk_v but_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v come_v to_o prayer_n and_o read_v and_o hear_v and_o meditate_v and_o do_v all_o private_a and_o public_a duty_n and_o walk_v in_o all_o my_o relation_n in_o this_o world_n as_o may_v honour_v this_o my_o lord_n be_v not_o these_o the_o continual_a groan_n and_o breathe_n of_o my_o heart_n before_o the_o lord_n lord_n thou_o know_v it_o for_o i_o have_v none_o i_o desire_v to_o appeal_v unto_o but_o to_o thou_o the_o searcher_n of_o my_o heart_n 6._o lord_n do_v not_o some_o faithfulness_n appear_v to_o be_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n by_o thou_o in_o that_o thou_o have_v above_o all_o thing_n make_v i_o to_o delight_v in_o that_o work_n that_o no_o eye_n see_v but_o thyself_o thou_o know_v what_o a_o fear_n have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v to_o this_o day_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n to_o appear_v before_o other_o thou_o lord_n know_v how_o many_o year_n this_o fear_n have_v be_v as_o a_o prison_n to_o keep_v in_o the_o working_n of_o my_o heart_n &_o as_o door_n to_o my_o mouth_n to_o keep_v it_o from_o lament_v itself_o not_o so_o much_o as_o in_o one_o word_n in_o the_o hear_n of_o other_o lest_o there_o shall_v any_o pride_n or_o hypocrifie_n act_n in_o it_o yea_o to_o this_o very_a day_n how_o many_o service_n wherein_o perhaps_o thy_o lord_n may_v be_v honour_v be_v thou_o prevent_v and_o dare_v not_o to_o act_v in_o upon_o this_o very_a account_n that_o it_o can_v be_v do_v in_o private_a can_v thou_o not_o say_v before_o the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n that_o such_o thought_n and_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n as_o these_o lest_o other_o shall_v esteem_v thou_o better_o than_o thou_o be_v or_o thy_o own_o spirit_n be_v lift_v up_o before_o the_o lord_n or_o any_o false_a end_n bias_n thou_o in_o it_o that_o such_o thought_n i_o say_v as_o thief_n do_v often_o as_o it_o be_v tie_v up_o thy_o tongue_n sow_v up_o thy_o mouth_n in_o all_o company_n even_o while_o at_o that_o instant_n thy_o heart_n be_v even_o ready_a to_o split_v or_o break_v in_o piece_n for_o want_n of_o vent_n sometime_o apprehend_v that_o those_o discovery_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sometime_o to_o make_v to_o thou_o and_o the_o rich_a grace_n he_o be_v please_v to_o manifest_v in_o thou_o in_o overcome_v all_o the_o unkindness_n in_o thou_o ought_v not_o to_o be_v put_v unnder_v a_o bushel_n but_o hold_v out_o to_o other_o and_o yet_o not_o dare_v to_o do_v it_o find_v my_o wretched_a heart_n so_o prone_a to_o be_v lift_v up_o upon_o all_o such_o occasion_n and_o so_o dishonour_n god_n that_o way_n and_o so_o deceive_v other_o and_o myself_o also_o and_o through_o both_o these_o fear_v my_o soul_n often_o walk_v sad_o before_o the_o lord_n fear_v to_o offend_v he_o and_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discern_v it_o whether_o way_n i_o may_v most_o honour_v he_o have_v make_v trial_n of_o both_o sometime_o silent_a and_o sometime_o speak_v and_o find_v the_o wickedness_n of_o my_o heart_n appear_v sad_o in_o both_o i_o know_v not_o sometime_o which_o be_v best_a the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n manifest_a and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o o_o my_o soul_n thus_o may_v it_o probable_o and_o hopeful_o appear_v to_o thou_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o in_o some_o measure_n his_o faithful_a servant_n 1._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o some_o hope_n that_o i_o trust_v i_o have_v no_o other_o master_n that_o i_o willing_o call_v rabbi_n or_o willing_o serve_v but_o my_o lord_n jesus_n nor_o have_v i_o any_o other_o work_n that_o i_o do_v upon_o which_o my_o heart_n be_v delightful_o set_v upon_o but_o only_o my_o lord_n work_v and_o this_o appear_v far_a to_o i_o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v i_o hope_v in_o some_o measure_n wrought_v my_o heart_n to_o this_o frame_n of_o spirit_n to_o desire_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o serve_v my_o lord_n christ_n in_o all_o the_o relation_n he_o have_v set_v i_o in_o in_o this_o world_n and_o to_o that_o end_n every_o fail_n in_o any_o of_o they_o either_o as_o a_o child_n or_o friend_n or_o any_o relation_n though_o i_o too_o sad_o fail_v in_o they_o all_o this_o be_v that_o which_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o above_o all_o thing_n break_v my_o heart_n to_o think_v that_o hereby_o i_o do_v dishonour_n my_o lord_n jesus_n and_o that_o profession_n of_o be_v his_o servant_n it_o be_v not_o
nature_n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o my_o heart_n be_v somewhat_o i_o think_v affect_v with_o those_o desire_n before_o the_o lord_n yet_o oh_o with_o what_o sadness_n i_o may_v speak_v it_o how_o soon_o be_v they_o out_o of_o mind_n even_o before_o i_o get_v to_o tulham_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o quite_o forget_v my_o own_o desire_n and_o not_o at_o all_o look_v after_o any_o answer_n of_o they_o but_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n raise_v and_o rouse_v up_o my_o dead_a heart_n even_o upon_o the_o name_a of_o the_o psalm_n that_o be_v call_v to_o be_v sing_v in_o the_o morning_n which_o be_v the_o 145._o psalm_n which_o at_o the_o first_o name_a of_o my_o heart_n leap_v as_o it_o be_v think_v what_o shall_v we_o sing_v that_o psalm_n mr_n knight_n text_n be_v in_o though_o for_o the_o present_a i_o mistake_v for_o his_o text_n be_v in_o the_o 45_o psalm_n but_o this_o be_v the_o 145._o psalm_n &_o the_o two_o last_o staff_n which_o as_o soon_o as_o we_o begin_v to_o sing_v my_o heart_n be_v exceed_o alter_v with_o it_o in_o which_o i_o find_v many_o suitable_a expression_n to_o my_o former_a desire_n even_o in_o the_o very_a word_n which_o do_v as_o it_o be_v raise_v my_o heart_n in_o a_o kind_n of_o content_a expectation_n of_o a_o glorius_fw-la appearance_n of_o god_n that_o day_n as_o a_o return_n of_o prayer_n which_o methinks_v the_o lord_n do_v even_o then_o give_v to_o i_o by_o hint_v this_o scripture_n so_o put_v to_o my_o condition_n and_o desire_n and_o how_o glorious_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v the_o 27._o of_o this_o 6._o month_n through_o his_o servant_n mr_n knight_n in_o both_o part_n of_o the_o day_n who_o he_o be_v please_v to_o come_v in_o even_o beyond_o his_o own_o expectation_n as_o he_o acknowledge_v to_o i_o in_o discourse_n the_o next_o day_n tell_v i_o that_o he_o do_v only_o intend_v to_o handle_v in_o general_a the_o 3_o thing_n concern_v christ_n as_o his_o sweetness_n fitness_n &_o faithfulness_n but_o when_o he_o come_v to_o speak_v to_o they_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v so_o great_o to_o enlarge_v the_o thought_n of_o it_o upon_o his_o heart_n and_o make_v it_o so_o sweet_a unto_o he_o that_o he_o can_v not_o but_o declare_v what_o the_o lord_n give_v in_o unto_o he_o and_o true_o not_o only_a be_v it_o sweet_a to_o he_o but_o as_o fit_v and_o seasonabe_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n as_o any_o thing_n that_o can_v have_v be_v speak_v the_o lord_n give_v i_o but_o a_o heart_n to_o make_v improvement_n of_o it_o so_o as_o may_v be_v to_o his_o praise_n and_o eternal_a good_a of_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o 7_o day_n of_o the_o month_n how_o abundant_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o bow_v down_o to_o this_o rebellious_a wretch_n who_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o fear_v that_o my_o heart_n be_v set_v more_o to_o seek_v &_o see_v a_o poor_a vain_a creature_n &_o to_o meet_v which_o the_o they_o then_o to_o see_v or_o meet_v the_o lord_n &_o yet_o that_o the_o lord_n shall_v even_o now_o bow_v down_o and_o give_v forth_o gracious_a visit_n to_o my_o soul_n through_o many_o sensible_a conviction_n hint_v to_o my_o heart_n this_o day_n both_o through_o his_o word_n and_o through_o his_o other_o administration_n this_o day_n go_v early_o enough_o to_o hear_v the_o morning_n sermon_n though_o i_o much_o fear_n whether_o it_o be_v so_o much_o out_o of_o pure_a love_n to_o it_o as_o out_o of_o self-end_n yet_o what_o sensible_a conviction_n do_v there_o from_o the_o lord_n fall_v upon_o my_o hart_n from_o these_o instruction_n m._n blond_n hint_v out_o to_o we_o from_o the_o expression_n of_o david_n i_o keep_v myself_o from_o my_o iniquity_n where_o he_o show_v we_o that_o it_o be_v our_o great_a duty_n to_o watch_v chief_o against_o our_o own_o particular_a sin_n show_v we_o how_o we_o may_v know_v they_o hint_v also_o that_o it_o be_v probable_a that_o this_o sin_n of_o david_n be_v tongue-sin_n from_o which_o how_o secret_o do_v the_o lord_n check_v my_o poor_a soul_n afterward_o mr_n nie_n speak_v from_o psalm_n the_o 50._o 26_o this_o thou_o do_v and_o i_o keep_v silence_n where_o he_o show_v that_o by_o silence_n be_v mean_v a_o refrain_v from_o motion_n or_o action_n whence_o he_o observe_v that_o word_n and_o action_n be_v all_o one_o with_o god_n it_o be_v as_o easy_a with_o god_n to_o do_v as_o to_o speak_v it_o be_v but_o for_o he_o to_o speak_v and_o the_o work_n be_v do_v yea_o it_o be_v as_o easy_a for_o god_n to_o do_v as_o for_o we_o to_o speak_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o and_o much_o more_o and_o what_o a_o mighty_a encouragement_n be_v this_o to_o thy_o faith_n o_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o improvement_n he_o make_v of_o it_o by_o application_n and_o also_o hint_v more_o that_o as_o all_o god_n word_n be_v action_n and_o so_o pardon_v action_n and_o administration_n be_v as_o so_o many_o word_n and_o oh_o of_o what_o use_n be_v this_o to_o my_o soul_n what_o thing_n have_v god_n speak_v to_o my_o soul_n from_o and_o by_o his_o various_a administration_n to_o thou_o for_o these_o many_o year_n how_o have_v the_o lord_n by_o his_o providence_n often_o as_o it_o be_v convince_v thou_o and_o yet_o thy_o base_a heart_n will_v not_o leave_v to_o go_v on_o to_o tempt_v the_o lord_n though_o he_o have_v so_o evident_o appear_v in_o cross_v thou_o and_o this_o day_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o it_o that_o thou_o will_v put_v on_o thy_o best_a clothes_n in_o that_o pride_n and_o vanity_n of_o thy_o heart_n thou_o know_v do_v thou_o not_o by_o a_o strange_a providence_n as_o it_o be_v get_v a_o spot_n in_o thy_o coat_n to_o check_v thou_o and_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n by_o it_o show_v thou_o thy_o pride_n vanity_n and_o folly_n but_o oh_o how_o gracious_a be_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o show_v thou_o this_o in_o so_o mild_a and_o gentle_a a_o way_n the_o 10._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n but_o in_o a_o formal_a way_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o that_o day_n through_o his_o servant_n as_o also_o to_o give_v in_o a_o gracious_a answer_n to_o these_o desire_n that_o mr._n knight_n put_v up_o to_o he_o the_o last_o day_n namely_o to_o unveil_v the_o grace_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n to_o he_o that_o he_o may_v so_o taste_v and_o feel_v it_o as_o may_v enable_v he_o to_o declare_v it_o to_o his_o praise_n which_o i_o do_v now_o also_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o though_o i_o be_v altogether_o unworthy_a of_o this_o mercy_n or_o of_o any_o more_o appearance_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v make_v so_o little_a improvement_n of_o so_o many_o gracious_a favour_n yet_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o overcome_v my_o rebellion_n and_o unfruitfulness_n with_o his_o love_n and_o at_o the_o last_o overpower_v my_o soul_n anâ—_n bring_v it_o to_o a_o more_o full_a subjection_n to_o himself_o and_o that_o which_o i_o desire_v now_o to_o record_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v before_o he_o and_o that_o yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v most_o particulary_a to_o unveil_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n the_o lord_n help_v thou_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o improve_v all_o those_o wondefull_a appearance_n of_o his_o praise_n and_o glory_n the_o 13._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n appoint_v by_o this_o new_a parliament_n for_o a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n and_o seek_v the_o lord_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o put_v my_o heart_n into_o some_o measure_n of_o suteableness_n to_o that_o business_n and_o to_o make_v i_o real_o sensible_a of_o all_o my_o rebellion_n unfruitfulness_n and_o unthankfulness_n to_o he_o for_o all_o his_o glorious_a appearance_n and_o that_o he_o will_v pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o be_v his_o and_o our_o mouth_n this_o day_n as_o also_o beg_v the_o lord_n to_o let_v some_o hint_n from_o himself_o fall_v with_o power_n upon_o my_o heart_n this_o day_n and_o there_o abide_v and_o bless_a god_n how_o gracious_o be_v thou_o please_v to_o appear_v and_o with_o what_o sensible_a and_o suitable_a truth_n press_v my_o soul_n to_o get_v into_o christ_n and_o dwell_v there_o than_o which_o there_o be_v no_o truth_n more_o needful_a to_o be_v press_v upon_o my_o wretched_a heart_n be_v so_o miserable_o shatter_v about_o and_o upon_o other_o thing_n and_o my_o affection_n so_o sad_o divide_v that_o in_o truth_n i_o do_v not_o dwell_v in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n as_o i_o ought_v which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o great_a mercy_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o
press_v very_o much_o upon_o i_o this_o day_n which_o bless_a counsel_n my_o desire_n and_o prayer_n be_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v frame_v and_o mould_v i_o into_o gather_v up_o my_o soul_n more_o into_o jesus_n christ_n and_o out_o of_o all_o other_o thing_n whatsoever_o the_o 24._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n i_o be_v in_o expectation_n to_o have_v hear_v mr._n knight_n but_o when_o i_o come_v to_o fulham_n there_o be_v a_o stranger_n and_o when_o i_o hear_v he_o to_o pray_v so_o strange_o i_o be_v strike_v with_o a_o exceed_a damp_n wish_v myself_o somewhere_o else_o yet_o desire_v to_o still_o my_o spirit_n and_o to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n who_o be_v able_a to_o hint_n out_o somewhat_o that_o may_v be_v of_o advantage_n to_o i_o he_o speak_v from_o joh_n 5._o 25._o in_o which_o he_o show_v we_o that_o man_n may_v be_v alive_a natural_o and_o yet_o dead_a spiritual_o and_o so_o press_v we_o to_o the_o trial_n of_o our_o estate_n which_o i_o think_v may_v be_v a_o call_n from_o god_n to_o check_v i_o for_o my_o neglect_n in_o this_o work_n and_o to_o put_v i_o upon_o that_o duty_n he_o tell_v we_o that_o god_n be_v the_o life_n of_o the_o soul_n as_o the_o soul_n be_v the_o life_n of_o the_o body_n and_o when_o god_n be_v depart_v from_o the_o soul_n it_o be_v dead_a and_o that_o which_o make_v god_n depart_v be_v sin_n prove_v from_o isa_n 59_o 2._o in_o which_o scripture_n i_o think_v the_o lord_n do_v secret_o hint_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o my_o sin_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o the_o light_n of_o his_o face_n and_o manifestation_n of_o his_o gracious_a presence_n from_o i_o and_o of_o his_o seem_n not_o to_o hear_v the_o desire_n and_o prayer_n offer_v up_o to_o he_o which_o discovery_n i_o look_v upon_o as_o a_o answer_n of_o my_o desire_n and_o prayer_n that_o day_n and_o as_o a_o appearance_n of_o he_o through_o his_o instruction_n this_o day_n the_o 25._o of_o this_o 7._o month_n the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o be_v present_a that_o day_n be_v to_o go_v to_o my_o aunt_n dogget_n to_o guide_v and_o direct_v i_o in_o all_o my_o word_n and_o action_n be_v some_o what_o distract_v and_o disturb_v in_o my_o own_o thought_n and_o mind_n and_o not_o so_o content_o submit_v to_o all_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n as_o i_o ought_v to_o do_v and_o after_o some_o discourse_n and_o hot_a dispute_n at_o dinner_n between_o mr._n aldgate_n and_o myself_o at_o which_o time_n i_o deal_v plain_o with_o he_o according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n after_o which_o mrs._n aldgate_n very_o unexpected_o from_o i_o and_o unusual_o from_o she_o be_v very_o earnest_a to_o have_v i_o go_v and_o read_v in_o a_o little_a book_n of_o she_o concern_v content_a marvel_v in_o my_o mind_n at_o this_o strange_a and_o unusual_a thing_n in_o she_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o some_o providence_n happy_o to_o i_o who_o have_v see_v the_o book_n before_o but_o look_v upon_o it_o in_o a_o slight_a cursory_a way_n and_o not_o with_o any_o valuation_n of_o it_o yet_o now_o i_o think_v that_o happy_o the_o lord_n may_v have_v some_o thing_n to_o speak_v to_o i_o out_o of_o it_o and_o so_o i_o take_v the_o book_n and_o go_v to_o read_v therein_o for_o a_o hour_n or_o more_o and_o true_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o lead_v i_o to_o most_o sensible_a and_o seasonable_a thing_n to_o the_o frame_n of_o my_o wretched_a spirit_n by_o which_o it_o convince_v i_o that_o i_o do_v not_o content_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n in_o all_o condition_n for_o if_o i_o do_v then_o there_o will_v be_v a_o silence_n in_o my_o spirit_n yea_o a_o joyful_a frame_n of_o spirit_n yea_o a_o continue_v give_v thanks_o to_o he_o and_o many_o such_o like_a thing_n by_o way_n of_o discovery_n together_o with_o many_o sensible_a direction_n and_o instruction_n which_o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v as_o a_o mercy_n bege_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v make_v these_o hint_n effectual_a to_o my_o soul_n the_o 27._o of_o the_o 7._o month_n expect_v that_o our_o brother_n â—ental_a be_v to_o preach_v that_o day_n i_o have_v some_o discouragement_n whether_o to_o go_v or_o no_o but_o at_o last_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v a_o turn_n to_o my_o spirit_n and_o upon_o one_o account_n or_o a_o other_o i_o at_o last_o resolve_v to_o go_v and_o see_v what_o the_o lord_n will_v do_v for_o i_o there_o desire_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o and_o withal_o tell_v he_o in_o the_o morning_n that_o he_o have_v gracious_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n and_o give_v i_o eminent_a token_n of_o his_o appearance_n through_o weak_a instrument_n beseech_v he_o to_o add_v one_o mercy_n more_o this_o day_n and_o give_v my_o soul_n a_o real_a visit_n from_o heaven_n through_o whatever_o instrument_n he_o shall_v please_v to_o use_v but_o oh_o my_o soul_n how_o gracious_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o bow_v down_o and_o condescend_v to_o answer_n those_o poor_a scatter_a desire_n and_o vouchsafe_v my_o soul_n a_o most_o fit_a and_o seasonable_a word_n this_o day_n by_o that_o our_o brother_n who_o speak_v from_o matth._n 6._o take_v no_o thought_n what_o you_o shall_v eat_v or_o drink_v or_o wherewith_o you_o shall_v be_v clothe_v whence_o he_o show_v the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v great_o forbid_v all_o cark_n care_n or_o solicitude_n of_o spirit_n about_o present_a enjoyment_n or_o future_a event_n together_o with_o many_o other_o seasonable_a instruction_n reprehension_n and_o direction_n to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n and_o rest_n on_o he_o and_o cast_v all_o our_o burden_n on_o he_o and_o the_o like_a most_o seasonable_a thing_n to_o my_o wretched_a spirit_n the_o 28._o of_o this_o 7._o month_n be_v thursday_n and_o mr._n knight_n day_n to_o preach_v at_o the_o abbey_n i_o have_v strong_a desire_n to_o hear_v he_o and_o yet_o somewhat_o discourage_v from_o some_o passage_n of_o providence_n fear_v whether_o or_o no_o i_o go_v out_o of_o desire_n only_o to_o hear_v which_o lie_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o great_o oppress_v my_o spirit_n cause_v it_o to_o breath_n out_o to_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o manner_n that_o if_o he_o do_v see_v my_o heart_n not_o to_o be_v set_v aright_o to_o seek_v he_o and_o he_o only_o in_o this_o undertake_n that_o he_o will_v please_v some_o way_n or_o other_o to_o hinder_v i_o or_o cause_v some_o special_a providence_n or_o other_o to_o instruct_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o from_o rush_v on_o this_o undertake_n on_o any_o self-end_n or_o design_n whatever_o beseech_v he_o to_o guide_v i_o lead_v and_o instruct_v i_o this_o day_n and_o vouchsafe_v his_o glorious_a presence_n with_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o speak_v to_o we_o and_o true_o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o god_n that_o he_o be_v please_v much_o to_o deaden_v my_o heart_n to_o the_o creature_n before_o i_o go_v out_o and_o to_o put_v it_o into_o a_o frame_n desirous_a to_o wait_v for_o any_o discovery_n from_o he_o when_o he_o please_v expect_v all_o the_o way_n as_o we_o go_v whether_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o suffer_v we_o to_o go_v through_o yea_o or_o nay_o desire_v not_o to_o murmur_v at_o he_o in_o it_o but_o to_o submit_v quiet_o to_o his_o will_n in_o what_o manner_n soever_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o reveal_v it_o but_o be_v not_o by_o any_o providence_n prevent_v in_o the_o way_n we_o go_v where_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v great_o to_o draw_v out_o master_n knight_n heart_n in_o prayer_n in_o such_o suitable_a thing_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n from_o heaven_n shall_v say_v i_o know_v thy_o want_n and_o weakness_n and_o will_v supply_v they_o providence_n cast_v he_o upon_o the_o same_o thought_n speak_v in_o the_o five_o chapter_n of_o john_n and_o the_o five_o and_o twenty_o verse_n the_o lord_n again_o by_o it_o check_v i_o for_o my_o neglect_n of_o examination_n of_o my_o spiritual_a 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month_n observe_v mr._n knight_n somewhat_o astonish_v at_o the_o passage_n of_o providence_n in_o the_o government_n upon_o which_o for_o some_o time_n he_o be_v very_o weak_a in_o pray_v for_o it_o and_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o they_o in_o place_n which_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n whereupon_o i_o make_v a_o draught_n of_o a_o letter_n to_o send_v to_o he_o wherein_o i_o present_v he_o with_o my_o scatter_a thought_n desire_v he_o to_o take_v a_o view_n of_o what_o he_o deliver_v to_o we_o the_o last_o thanksgiving_n day_n from_o that_o isai_n 65._o 24._o before_o they_o call_v i_o will_v answer_v show_v that_o god_n be_v so_o quick_a in_o his_o work_n in_o these_o latter_a day_n that_o he_o often_o leave_v his_o own_o behind_o with_o some_o other_o such_o hint_n which_o letter_n i_o do_v not_o send_v fear_v to_o press_v too_o far_o upon_o my_o own_o ability_n in_o that_o kind_n but_o how_o abundant_o do_v the_o lord_n answer_v those_o desire_n which_o be_v only_o upon_o my_o heart_n but_o not_o present_v at_o all_o save_v only_o before_o the_o lord_n who_o be_v please_v to_o draw_v out_o his_o heart_n to_o mention_v they_o before_o he_o and_o afterward_o upon_o the_o 10_o of_o the_o 6_o month_n upon_o the_o occasion_n of_o a_o day_n keep_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o they_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v again_o to_o cast_v in_o thought_n upon_o the_o same_o scripture_n in_o isai_n 65._o 24._o before_o they_o call_v i_o will_v answer_v which_o be_v a_o real_a answer_n of_o my_o poor_a desire_n wherein_o the_o lord_n show_v i_o that_o the_o desire_n i_o have_v be_v yet_o upon_o his_o heart_n for_o which_o bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n who_o though_o thou_o do_v not_o press_v they_o those_o desire_n be_v hinder_v by_o some_o thought_n arise_v in_o my_o own_o mind_n yet_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o see_v the_o desire_a issue_n which_o thou_o do_v aim_v at_o there_o be_v the_o 10_o of_o the_o 6_o month_n at_o a_o private_a day_n of_o humiliation_n we_o keep_v with_o respect_n to_o the_o public_a affair_n of_o the_o nation_n &_o ourselves_o four_o paper_n of_o desire_n put_v up_o to_o the_o lord_n to_o mr._n knight_n these_o two_o first_o the_o lord_n have_v begin_v gracious_o to_o answer_v the_o ten_o of_o this_o six_o month_n the_o first_o be_v this_o one_o to_o who_o the_o lord_n have_v discover_v from_o his_o word_n what_o great_a advantage_n there_o be_v hold_v out_o in_o it_o to_o the_o cleanse_n of_o the_o soul_n and_o perfect_v of_o holiness_n in_o they_o but_o the_o party_n not_o be_v able_a to_o discern_v they_o to_o be_v make_v real_a advantage_n to_o their_o soul_n although_o if_o their_o heart_n deceive_v they_o not_o it_o be_v the_o great_a desire_n and_o expectation_n of_o their_o soul_n to_o perfect_a holiness_n and_o the_o want_n of_o the_o sight_n of_o it_o their_o continue_a burden_n which_o make_v they_o even_o cry_v out_o for_o deliverance_n and_o for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o the_o time_n wherein_o they_o shall_v dishonour_v god_n no_o more_o but_o shall_v be_v make_v like_o unto_o he_o desire_v your_o remembrance_n before_o the_o lord_n to_o those_o end_n that_o see_v his_o will_n be_v in_o those_o thing_n and_o that_o the_o promise_n be_v so_o full_a concern_v the_o accomplishment_n of_o it_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o discover_v to_o their_o soul_n why_o it_o be_v that_o the_o work_n go_v so_o heavy_o on_o and_o what_o shall_v be_v discover_v to_o be_v the_o let_v it_o may_v also_o by_o he_o be_v remove_v whatever_o it_o be_v though_o in_o thing_n never_o so_o near_o and_o dear_a and_o their_o heart_n support_v and_o bear_v up_o and_o make_v submissively-willing_a to_o lie_v down_o at_o his_o foot_n to_o be_v make_v to_o do_v to_o bear_v to_o suffer_v to_o forsake_v any_o thing_n for_o his_o glory_n but_o how_o gracious_o do_v the_o lord_n this_o same_o day_n be_v the_o ten_o day_n of_o this_o six_o month_n begin_v to_o answer_v one_o main_a thing_n in_o this_o request_n discover_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o haply_o one_o main_a end_n why_o he_o do_v not_o perfect_a this_o work_n of_o holiness_n in_o i_o but_o suffer_v corruption_n still_o to_o work_v may_v be_v that_o i_o may_v yet_o cry_v out_o more_o mighty_o to_o he_o haply_o i_o have_v not_o be_v so_o importunate_a in_o my_o desire_n after_o sanctification_n as_o after_o remission_n and_o pardon_n and_o the_o sight_n of_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v i_o yet_o to_o cry_v more_o mighty_o and_o wrestle_v it_o out_o with_o he_o and_o resolve_v to_o give_v he_o no_o rest_n yet_o not_o that_o i_o shall_v content_v myself_o in_o pour_v out_o those_o desire_n to_o he_o and_o so_o rest_v there_o as_o be_v also_o hint_v to_o i_o the_o same_o day_n but_o to_o be_v watchful_a over_o my_o heart_n and_o conscience_n watch_v and_o pray_v call_v and_o cry_v until_o the_o lord_n appear_v and_o not_o to_o think_v it_o enough_o to_o spread_v these_o desire_n before_o the_o lord_n and_o then_o give_v way_n to_o sin_n and_o temptation_n and_o corruption_n and_o as_o be_v the_o next_o day_n the_o eleven_o of_o this_o 6_o month_n 1653._o hint_v to_o i_o what_o be_v god_n end_n in_o discover_v the_o power_n and_o strength_n of_o sin_n but_o that_o we_o come_v more_o near_o to_o he_o and_o by_o faith_n roll_n upon_o his_o covenant_n and_o promise_v for_o strength_n against_o it_o and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n what_o be_v satan_n end_n in_o set_v home_o sin_n with_o the_o aggravation_n of_o it_o but_o to_o make_v we_o sit_v down_o in_o discouragement_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v it_o better_o for_o thou_o to_o accomplish_v god_n end_n or_o satan_n end_n oh_o therefore_o close_o in_o with_o god_n &_o beg_v power_n and_o strength_n of_o he_o to_o do_v it_o nay_o in_o far_a answer_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o expostulate_v with_o that_o unbelief_n and_o first_o of_o my_o own_o heart_n this_o eleven_o day_n say_v o_o my_o soul_n be_v it_o not_o thy_o duty_n to_o believe_v for_o be_v it_o not_o say_v bless_a be_v they_o that_o believe_v though_o thou_o see_v not_o lust_n and_o corruption_n subdue_v by_o the_o eye_n of_o sense_n yet_o o_o my_o soul_n roll_n upon_o the_o covenant_n and_o promise_n by_o faith_n for_o faith_n be_v the_o substance_n of_o thing_n not_o see_v and_o the_o evidence_n of_o thing_n hope_v for_o therefore_o when_o thou_o come_v to_o be_v full_o rid_v of_o this_o body_n of_o death_n than_o faith_n shall_v cease_v and_o be_v of_o no_o use_n but_o now_o be_v the_o time_n to_o act_v faith_n when_o thou_o can_v by_o the_o eye_n of_o sense_n see_v nothing_o but_o thyself_o to_o be_v compass_v in_o with_o a_o body_n of_o death_n and_o corruption_n and_o for_o the_o want_n of_o the_o sight_n of_o holiness_n perfect_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n the_o lord_n do_v not_o only_o discover_v that_o his_o will_n lie_v in_o this_o work_n that_o it_o be_v his_o will_n even_o our_o sanctification_n and_o that_o we_o may_v well_o remember_v he_o with_o it_o and_o pray_v as_o he_o teach_v we_o that_o his_o will_n may_v be_v do_v so_o it_o shall_v certain_o be_v but_o do_v the_o lord_n discover_v to_o my_o soul_n the_o eleven_o of_o this_o month_n that_o this_o also_o be_v part_n of_o the_o prayer_n of_o christ_n sanctify_v they_o through_o thy_o truth_n joh._n 17._o and_o he_o say_v in_o joh._n 11._o speak_v at_o lasazrus_n his_o grave_n i_o thank_v thou_o o_o father_n that_o thou_o have_v hear_v i_o always_o but_o i_o speak_v it_o for_o their_o sake_n that_o they_o may_v believe_v now_o o_o my_o soul_n if_o this_o be_v christ_n prayer_n and_o that_o as_o he_o say_v joh._n 17._o not_o for_o the_o disciple_n only_o but_o all_o that_o shall_v after_o believe_v and_o if_o god_n hear_v he_o in_o what_o ever_o he_o ask_v as_o he_o say_v he_o do_v then_o o_o my_o soul_n up_o and_o believe_v for_o this_o work_n shall_v certain_o go_v on_o the_o truth_n be_v the_o lord_n do_v herein_o not_o only_o answer_v to_o this_o but_o to_o the_o other_o request_n also_o that_o be_v this_o day_n present_v so_o that_o the_o lord_n do_v answer_v they_o both_o even_o as_o i_o do_v at_o once_o present_v they_o both_o bless_v for_o ever_o be_v his_o name_n which_o gracious_a answer_n cause_v my_o soul_n the_o next_o day_n to_o present_v this_o short_a desire_n also_o to_o mr._n knight_n to_o be_v put_v up_o to_o god_n in_o way_n of_o thanks_o say_v one_o who_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v through_o rich_a grace_n and_o mercy_n to_o hear_v and_o answer_v since_o our_o last_o meeting_n desire_v to_o
world_n to_o see_v with_o what_o countenance_n my_o lord_n look_v upon_o this_o and_o the_o other_o action_n be_v i_o hope_v desirous_a i_o be_o sure_a if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o to_o see_v the_o will_n of_o my_o god_n in_o every_o promise_n providence_n and_o administration_n 4_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o faithful_a in_o that_o he_o have_v put_v into_o my_o soul_n this_o earnest_a desire_n that_o my_o end_n in_o all_o i_o do_v may_v only_o be_v to_o seek_v the_o advancement_n of_o he_o my_o lord_n who_o i_o desire_v only_o to_o serve_v daily_o beg_v of_o he_o i_o may_v no_o more_o live_v to_o myself_o as_o i_o have_v too_o much_o and_o have_v too_o long_o do_v yea_o when_o i_o find_v any_o thing_n of_o myself_o or_o self-end_n to_o appear_v or_o break_v forth_o though_o but_o in_o the_o bud_n be_v it_o not_o bitter_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o as_o imbitter_v the_o best_a action_n to_o i_o though_o otherwise_o never_o so_o good_a and_o this_o desire_n of_o serve_v the_o lord_n i_o may_v upon_o experience_n say_v i_o find_v to_o differ_v not_o only_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o be_v in_o other_o i_o will_v not_o say_v so_o though_o i_o suppose_v it_o to_o be_v true_a also_o but_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o do_v too_o much_o predominate_v in_o my_o own_o poor_a soul_n which_o do_v in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n cause_v i_o to_o fear_v rather_o than_o love_v he_o but_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n be_v screw_v up_o my_o obedience_n to_o a_o high_a note_n or_o pin_n that_o it_o be_v now_o to_o a_o lord_n and_o father_n who_o at_o last_o i_o will_v love_v and_o i_o do_v also_o lament_v before_o he_o in_o the_o sincerity_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o can_v love_v he_o no_o more_o who_o have_v so_o much_o loveliness_n in_o he_o yea_o nothing_o but_o loveliness_n yea_o it_o be_v a_o service_n of_o a_o lord_n who_o will_v all_o and_o make_v the_o law_n and_o make_v it_o to_o be_v just_a because_o he_o can_v do_v no_o evil_n and_o i_o will_v i_o can_v continual_o meditate_v upon_o this_o his_o will_n but_o this_o be_v it_o i_o daily_o press_v after_o and_o mourn_v under_o the_o want_n of_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v so_o much_o fear_n in_o my_o heart_n concern_v the_o issue_n or_o event_n of_o any_o thing_n wherein_o my_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v at_o any_o time_n to_o declare_v his_o will_n to_o lie_v in_o further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n 1._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o reality_n of_o the_o heart_n serve_v the_o lord_n with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o prayer_n lie_v not_o in_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o word_n though_o with_o some_o affection_n but_o do_v it_o with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o a_o full_a exercise_n of_o every_o grace_n to_o the_o utmost_a in_o every_o service_n i_o do_v for_o christ_n and_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o this_o that_o thou_o daily_o presse_v after_o though_o thou_o can_v not_o full_o attain_v unto_o it_o what_o else_o make_v thou_o to_o mourn_v over_o thy_o prayer_n and_o duty_n but_o that_o thou_o find_v no_o more_o of_o thy_o heart_n and_o strength_n in_o they_o be_v not_o thy_o constant_a desire_n that_o all_o thy_o soul_n and_o strength_n may_v be_v offer_v up_o to_o god_n in_o every_o service_n thou_o do_v he_o 2._o they_o be_v faithful_a servant_n of_o christ_n that_o do_v all_o they_o do_v in_o order_n to_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n who_o intru_v they_o with_o his_o ordinance_n with_o their_o health_n wealth_n comfort_n enjoyment_n all_o i_o have_v be_v but_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n now_o to_o be_v faithful_a be_v to_o improve_v this_o trust_n to_o god_n to_o do_v all_o the_o good_a that_o possible_a i_o can_v by_o his_o ordinance_n to_o do_v every_o service_n to_o he_o as_o they_o that_o indeed_o exercise_v a_o point_n of_o trust_n he_o entrust_v i_o with_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n faithfulness_n be_v to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n to_o raise_v up_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n &_o make_v he_o appear_v great_a and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o improve_n all_o the_o grace_n that_o god_n and_o christ_n intru_v i_o with_o by_o improve_n of_o they_o to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n for_o he_o and_o so_o for_o health_n and_o all_o outward_a comfort_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n write_v this_o in_o thy_o very_a heart_n that_o all_o that_o ever_o thou_o have_v and_o enjoy_v both_o spiritual_a and_o temporal_a whether_o ordinance_n grace_n comfort_n all_o thy_o enjoyment_n that_o thou_o have_v by_o trust_n from_o christ_n and_o must_v be_v improve_v for_o he_o and_o not_o spend_v upon_o thyself_o or_o this_o world_n and_o do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o daily_o mourn_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o thou_o can_v not_o improve_v they_o better_o that_o he_o have_v so_o little_a revenue_n of_o glory_n from_o thou_o and_o by_o thou_o but_o that_o so_o much_o of_o his_o stock_n lie_v as_o it_o be_v dead_a and_o unimproved_a do_v not_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o cause_n thou_o to_o mourn_v daily_o before_o he_o that_o he_o shall_v intrust_v thou_o with_o so_o much_o and_o receive_v from_o thou_o so_o little_a now_o o_o my_o soul_n do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o cry_v daily_o out_o to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o reveal_v his_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o thou_o how_o he_o will_v have_v thou_o improve_v this_o or_o that_o other_o mercy_n or_o trust_v commit_v to_o thou_o and_o not_o only_o teach_v thou_o his_o will_n in_o it_o but_o also_o help_v thou_o to_o improve_v it_o to_o his_o glory_n continual_o yea_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v there_o not_o a_o continue_a fear_n upon_o thy_o heart_n which_o cause_v thou_o often_o time_n to_o pour_v out_o strong_a cry_n before_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v thou_o to_o give_v he_o the_o glory_n of_o all_o the_o mercy_n and_o good_a thing_n he_o betru_v thou_o with_o at_o any_o time_n as_o also_o that_o there_o may_v never_o be_v find_v in_o thou_o any_o backwardness_n or_o unwillingness_n to_o give_v up_o thy_o trust_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o into_o his_o own_o hand_n when_o ever_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o call_v for_o it_o which_o seem_v to_o note_v a_o further_a degree_n of_o faithfulness_n further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n at_o the_o same_o time_n 1_o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o generality_n of_o it_o when_o a_o man_n be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o he_o have_v though_o all_o that_o he_o have_v be_v but_o a_o little_a and_o true_o herein_o i_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o lament_v before_o the_o lord_n for_o in_o the_o stead_n of_o be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o i_o have_v there_o be_v much_o unfaithfulness_n in_o i_o that_o appear_v in_o all_o that_o the_o lord_n trust_v i_o with_o and_o yet_o o_o my_o soul_n may_v thou_o not_o also_o say_v that_o there_o be_v some_o degree_n of_o this_o faithfulness_n or_o at_o least_o a_o desire_n after_o it_o in_o thou_o and_o may_v thou_o not_o say_v by_o this_o law_n of_o thy_o lord_n as_o paul_n do_v of_o the_o law_n of_o god_n in_o general_a with_o my_o mind_n i_o even_o myself_o serve_v this_o law_n of_o god_n in_o faithfulness_n though_o in_o my_o flesh_n i_o do_v too_o often_o rebel_v against_o it_o which_o be_v my_o daily_a burden_n from_o which_o evil_a in_o thy_o own_o time_n deliver_v i_o oh_o my_o god_n and_o this_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v for_o 2._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o be_v faithful_a notwithstanding_o all_o difficulty_n that_o accompany_v they_o in_o their_o service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o not_o abundant_o cause_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n that_o have_v be_v please_v to_o make_v thou_o thus_o faithful_a in_o any_o degree_n or_o measure_n in_o this_o respect_n who_o by_o his_o own_o hand_n &_o power_n have_v carry_v thou_o through_o many_o a_o reproach_n and_o scoff_n and_o scorn_v and_o by_o word_n make_v thou_o like_o isaac_n who_o be_v still_o persecute_v by_o ishmael_n and_o have_v not_o this_o be_v thy_o lot_n by_o some_o ever_o reproach_v thou_o scoff_v deride_v thou_o backbiting_a speak_v evil_a abundant_o of_o thou_o and_o yet_o false_o do_v their_o utmost_a to_o bring_v thou_o out_o of_o favour_n with_o those_o who_o love_n thou_o high_o prise_v and_o have_v reason_n for_o it_o and_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n make_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o under_o this_o when_o other_o tax_v thou_o of_o hypocrisy_n and_o the_o like_a to_o search_v thy_o own_o heart_n and_o bemoan_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o
any_o time_n be_v speak_v to_o i_o in_o way_n of_o comfort_n by_o mr._n love_n who_o only_o be_v acquaint_v with_o my_o fear_n it_o take_v no_o hold_n upon_o i_o at_o all_o nor_o abode_n upon_o my_o spirit_n save_v only_o in_o the_o minute_n it_o be_v speak_v for_o the_o truth_n be_v i_o be_v then_o too_o remiss_a in_o take_v notice_n or_o observe_v the_o passage_n of_o god_n providence_n towards_o i_o not_o be_v able_a then_o to_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v indeed_o a_o work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o soul_n which_o since_o through_o grace_n he_o have_v be_v please_v more_o evident_o to_o declare_v then_o come_v from_o thence_o to_o london_n much_o about_o the_o year_n 1645._o be_v now_o a_o little_a instruct_v in_o the_o notional_a knowledge_n of_o many_o point_n in_o religion_n i_o have_v now_o a_o new_a temptation_n beset_a i_o in_o this_o manner_n that_o if_o i_o will_v but_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o the_o lord_n and_o make_v more_o conscience_n of_o all_o know_a duty_n whether_o hear_v prayer_n meditation_n examination_n etc._n etc._n that_o then_o i_o may_v more_o comfortable_o look_v up_o unto_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o find_v in_o myself_o divers_a qualification_n annex_v to_o several_a promise_n which_o may_v much_o comfort_v i_o which_o work_n i_o begin_v to_o set_v about_o endeavour_v to_o tie_v myself_o strict_o to_o it_o and_o according_a as_o i_o be_v able_a desire_v the_o lord_n assistance_n and_o withal_o make_v he_o many_o promise_n that_o if_o he_o will_v make_v out_o love_v to_o i_o i_o will_v be_v and_o do_v thus_o and_o thus_o but_o upon_o trial_n find_v myself_o to_o fail_v in_o every_o thing_n sometime_o through_o temptation_n to_o neglect_v or_o put_v off_o duty_n for_o a_o time_n which_o be_v occasion_v many_o way_n sometime_o be_v in_o company_n i_o can_v not_o well_o leave_v or_o the_o like_a all_o which_o weigh_v in_o my_o mind_n do_v still_o augment_v and_o increase_v my_o trouble_n find_v this_o strict_a course_n though_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o keep_v close_o to_o to_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o with_o many_o such_o wicked_a thought_n whereby_o i_o come_v to_o apprehend_v myself_o as_o it_o be_v still_o far_o and_o far_o from_o heaven_n and_o happiness_n in_o all_o which_o time_n i_o can_v find_v little_a ground_n of_o any_o comfort_n unless_o take_v from_o my_o desire_n which_o i_o can_v not_o apprehend_v constant_a neither_o but_o endeavour_v still_o to_o go_v on_o in_o this_o poor_a way_n of_o performance_n i_o have_v some_o small_a comfort_n find_v as_o i_o think_v some_o qualification_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v annex_v unto_o divers_a promise_n where-upon_a i_o be_v somewhat_o at_o the_o present_a stay_v and_o begin_v to_o gather_v up_o some_o totter_a hope_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o my_o condition_n from_o mat._n 11._o 28._o and_o such_o like_a scripture_n then_o live_v near_o unto_o mr._n love_n and_o the_o presbyterian_a government_n be_v then_o about_o to_o be_v set_v up_o i_o have_v much_o strife_n in_o myself_o whether_o to_o join_v with_o they_o in_o it_o or_o no_o and_o so_o to_o partake_v of_o the_o ordinance_n whereby_o i_o may_v come_v to_o have_v my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n seal_v up_o unto_o i_o be_v exceed_v fearful_a lest_o if_o i_o shall_v slight_v or_o put_v off_o such_o a_o opportunity_n it_o may_v be_v lay_v to_o my_o charge_n another_o day_n that_o i_o have_v it_o offer_v i_o but_o will_v not_o accept_v of_o it_o so_o that_o at_o last_o i_o resolve_v to_o join_v with_o they_o and_o partake_v of_o the_o ordinance_n that_o so_o i_o may_v come_v to_o have_v my_o grace_n strengthen_v and_o my_o corruption_n weaken_v and_o also_o come_v to_o enjoy_v more_o communion_n with_o jesus_n christ_n which_o i_o have_v some_o weak_a distract_a though_o no_o abide_n hope_n of_o thus_o have_v be_v before_o the_o elder_n &_o there_o examine_v somewhat_o touch_v my_o knowledge_n etc._n etc._n and_o the_o time_n of_o administration_n of_o the_o lords-supper_n draw_v nigh_o i_o endeavour_v for_o some_o day_n before_o in_o a_o serious_a and_o solemn_a manner_n to_o set_v myself_o in_o the_o lord_n presence_n beseech_v he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o together_o with_o the_o examination_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n both_o touch_v my_o duty_n and_o grace_n as_o also_o touch_v my_o sin_n and_o want_n which_o i_o desire_v a_o supply_n of_o still_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n in_o all_o this_o time_n of_o my_o trouble_n that_o he_o will_v not_o give_v i_o over_o to_o a_o deceive_a heart_n what_o ever_o he_o do_v with_o i_o so_o as_o to_o think_v better_o of_o my_o condition_n than_o indeed_o it_o be_v but_o that_o he_o will_v please_v thorough_o to_o discover_v my_o condition_n and_o heart_n to_o i_o and_o thus_o with_o some_o small_a hope_n yet_o mix_v with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o fear_n i_o do_v that_o time_n partake_v of_o the_o ordinance_n the_o which_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o almost_o do_v but_o satan_n begin_v to_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v now_o eat_v and_o drink_v my_o own_o damnation_n in_o receive_v that_o whereto_o i_o have_v no_o right_n through_o so_o many_o fear_n and_o doubt_n in_o my_o own_o spirit_n and_o that_o therefore_o now_o in_o stead_n of_o receive_v strength_n i_o shall_v be_v everyday_n more_o and_o more_o harden_v and_o have_v my_o damnation_n seal_v up_o to_o i_o instead_o of_o my_o salvation_n but_o pause_v here_o a_o while_n and_o consider_v that_o i_o have_v endeavour_v to_o do_v my_o duty_n according_a to_o my_o knowledge_n and_o power_n in_o examine_v my_o own_o heart_n what_o my_o end_n aim_n desire_n and_o want_n be_v and_o according_a to_o my_o ability_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o make_v it_o a_o strengthen_n and_o seal_v ordinance_n to_o i_o endeavour_v to_o satisfy_v myself_o with_o these_o and_o such_o like_a thought_n that_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o serve_v and_o walk_v with_o the_o lord_n though_o i_o can_v not_o do_v it_o thus_o i_o continue_v between_o hope_n and_o fear_n about_o a_o month_n space_n intend_v not_o to_o partake_v of_o the_o ordinance_n the_o next_o time_n fear_v myself_o not_o to_o be_v fit_a for_o it_o find_v my_o heart_n as_o i_o think_v in_o a_o very_a unfitting_a frame_n but_o manifest_v this_o intent_n to_o some_o friend_n they_o put_v i_o upon_o these_o thought_n that_o the_o way_n to_o be_v fit_a for_o duty_n or_o ordinance_n be_v not_o to_o neglect_v they_o as_o also_o rell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o be_v unfit_a for_o that_o ordinance_n i_o be_v as_o well_o unfit_a to_o live_v and_o therefore_o that_o be_v no_o just_a plea_n thus_o be_v trouble_v yet_o fear_v to_o omit_v it_o i_o again_o partake_v of_o it_o where_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v through_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n that_o day_n to_o hint_n out_o to_o i_o that_o among_o other_o there_o be_v two_o sort_n of_o man_n that_o may_v safe_o and_o comfortable_o partake_v of_o that_o ordinance_n as_o 1._o all_o those_o that_o have_v long_v desire_n after_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o all_o doubt_v fear_v christian_n that_o come_v with_o doubt_n &_o fear_n to_o it_o it_o be_v ordain_v of_o god_n to_o be_v a_o strengthen_n seal_v ordinance_n etc._n etc._n which_o though_o it_o afford_v i_o some_o small_a refreshment_n for_o the_o present_a yet_o do_v it_o not_o abide_v but_o my_o trouble_n still_o continue_v yea_o increase_a be_v thereby_o unfit_a for_o any_o earthly_a employment_n and_o yet_o weary_a of_o duty_n read_v and_o write_v etc._n etc._n in_o which_o i_o spend_v my_o chief_a time_n yet_o thus_o go_v on_o in_o a_o road_n of_o duty_n and_o performance_n sometime_o find_v some_o affection_n and_o assistance_n and_o sometime_o not_o which_o when_o i_o do_v find_v in_o any_o measure_n oh_o how_o be_v my_o wretched_a heart_n ready_a to_o be_v puff_v up_o and_o rejoice_v in_o it_o and_o begin_v to_o think_v that_o now_o i_o have_v do_v somewhat_o and_o that_o sure_o now_o the_o lord_n will_v hear_v i_o but_o beginning_n to_o consider_v more_o serious_o what_o i_o have_v do_v indeed_o and_o how_o many_o wander_a thought_n and_o distraction_n have_v pass_v by_o i_o and_o that_o any_o wicked_a wretch_n in_o the_o world_n may_v do_v and_o do_v do_v as_o much_o as_o i_o and_o yet_o the_o lord_n never_o regard_v they_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v that_o such_o wicked_a thought_n shall_v arise_v in_o my_o heart_n imagine_v that_o it_o be_v just_a with_o the_o lord_n for_o these_o wicked_a thought_n to_o blast_v all_o my_o desire_n which_o i_o real_o conceive_v he_o do_v then_o consider_v that_o the_o prayer_n and_o all_o the_o duty_n of_o the_o wicked_a be_v abomination_n and_o thing_n
that_o his_o soul_n abhor_v and_o lie_v under_o the_o apprehension_n of_o myself_o as_o one_o cast_v off_o by_o god_n who_o he_o never_o regard_v have_v pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o beg_v a_o soft_a heart_n and_o a_o renew_a and_o change_v nature_n urge_v he_o often_o with_o that_o similitude_n of_o a_o child_n come_v to_o his_o father_n to_o beg_v bread_n mat._n 7._o 9_o 10_o 11._o or_o rather_o in_o my_o apprehension_n find_v my_o heart_n grow_v more_o hard_a and_o my_o affection_n more_o cold_a and_o lukewarm_a i_o lay_v under_o another_o temptation_n from_o satan_n that_o sure_o i_o be_v but_o a_o hypocrite_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v and_o therefore_o shall_v but_o heap_v up_o wrath_n against_o myself_o as_o in_o job_n 36._o 13._o and_o this_o be_v set_v home_o upon_o my_o spirit_n upon_o several_a ground_n as_o 1._o because_o as_o he_o tell_v i_o i_o do_v not_o so_o much_o aim_v at_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n as_o at_o that_o happy_a estate_n which_o be_v to_o be_v enjoy_v in_o heaven_n 2._o because_o i_o can_v not_o find_v my_o love_n work_v so_o strong_o towards_o god_n as_o towards_o myself_o desire_v to_o be_v free_v from_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n which_o i_o conceive_v to_o be_v intolerable_a as_o also_o 3._o find_v sometime_o a_o kind_n of_o secret_a desire_n that_o some_o body_n may_v hear_v or_o know_v of_o my_o performance_n of_o duty_n etc._n etc._n though_o i_o never_o dare_v act_n in_o any_o measure_n so_o as_o that_o it_o may_v be_v discern_v but_o always_o strive_v to_o my_o utmost_a ability_n to_o conceal_v what_o ever_o possible_o i_o may_v yet_o find_v sometime_o some_o such_o desire_n of_o vain_a glory_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o do_v do_v it_o thus_o private_o yet_o if_o it_o can_v have_v be_v know_v and_o not_o by_o my_o mean_n i_o think_v i_o can_v be_v content_a and_o this_o also_o lay_v as_o a_o heavy_a weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o think_v that_o there_o shall_v such_o wicked_a vain_a and_o sinful_a thought_n and_o desire_n be_v suggest_v to_o i_o or_o for_o anytime_n though_o never_o so_o small_a lodge_v within_o i_o jer._n 4._o 14._o which_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v sad_o of_o do_v but_o still_o renew_v and_o increase_v my_o trouble_n and_o fear_n be_v a_o discovery_n of_o the_o hypocrisy_n that_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n and_o for_o the_o most_o part_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n i_o lay_v under_o such_o a_o sense_n of_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n that_o i_o think_v that_o all_o i_o have_v and_o enjoy_v be_v curse_v to_o i_o often_o admire_v that_o every_o bit_n of_o bread_n i_o eat_v do_v not_o choke_v i_o or_o every_o creature_n do_v not_o put_v a_o end_n to_o my_o life_n often_o fear_v that_o the_o company_n i_o be_v in_o shall_v fare_v the_o worse_a for_o i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o if_o i_o go_v by_o water_n or_o the_o like_a i_o still_o conceive_v i_o may_v be_v a_o occasion_n of_o drown_v all_o those_o that_o be_v with_o i_o oh_o how_o desirous_a be_v my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n of_o the_o help_n and_o counsel_n of_o my_o godly_a wise_a friend_n and_o christian_n but_o through_o many_o and_o sundry_a temptation_n still_o deprive_v myself_o of_o it_o and_o of_o the_o benefit_n i_o may_v have_v gain_v by_o it_o through_o my_o wicked_a silence_n in_o all_o company_n and_o loathness_n to_o impart_v my_o condition_n to_o any_o sometime_o my_o wicked_a corrupt_a heart_n will_v base_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o discourse_v or_o speak_v of_o any_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o therefore_o i_o shall_v but_o only_o thereby_o discover_v my_o own_o ignorance_n and_o no_o way_n advantage_v myself_o etc._n etc._n which_o when_o i_o be_v enable_v still_o to_o consider_v better_o of_o recollect_v my_o thought_n and_o call_v they_o into_o question_n as_o it_o be_v then_o come_v the_o devil_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o this_o do_v but_o note_v my_o hypocrisy_n and_o far_o when_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o it_o to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v give_v way_n to_o such_o wicked_a thought_n as_o these_o then_o come_v in_o satan_n again_o on_o the_o other_o side_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o shall_v put_v myself_o forward_o in_o any_o discourse_n i_o shall_v but_o thereby_o cause_v other_o to_o have_v a_o better_a opinion_n of_o i_o than_o indeed_o i_o deserve_v and_o so_o deceive_v other_o and_o delude_v my_o own_o soul_n and_o this_o latter_a temptation_n be_v that_o which_o indeed_o do_v often_o prevail_v with_o i_o be_v ever_o most_o of_o all_o prone_a to_o fear_v the_o delusion_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o so_o esteem_v my_o condition_n to_o be_v better_a than_o it_o be_v this_o go_v on_o in_o this_o way_n of_o wicked_a silence_n make_v many_o of_o my_o christian_a friend_n i_o do_v real_o believe_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v of_o i_o but_o be_v as_o it_o be_v estrange_v from_o i_o which_o i_o soon_o perceive_v it_o be_v a_o most_o heavy_a affliction_n to_o i_o &_o such_o as_o the_o searcher_n of_o heart_n know_v lay_v very_o sad_o upon_o my_o spirit_n which_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o in_o any_o measure_n make_v know_v to_o they_o but_o between_o god_n and_o my_o own_o soul_n condole_v this_o my_o miserable_a condition_n then_o be_v to_o remove_v out_o of_o london_n which_o be_v a_o exceed_a trouble_n to_o i_o to_o consider_v how_o we_o shall_v by_o it_o be_v deprive_v of_o those_o mean_n which_o we_o there_o may_v enjoy_v although_o indeed_o neither_o my_o father_n mother_n or_o myself_o can_v enjoy_v our_o health_n there_o and_o remove_v into_o the_o country_n about_o the_o year_n 1647._o i_o find_v the_o ministry_n under_o which_o i_o then_o be_v exceed_o dead_a and_o spiritless_a then_o when_o i_o come_v home_o i_o think_v i_o know_v as_o much_o and_o no_o more_o to_o my_o edification_n in_o that_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o than_o i_o do_v when_o i_o go_v the_o subject_n which_o be_v then_o and_o for_o a_o long_a time_n together_o treat_v on_o be_v that_o scripture_n gen._n 2._o 7._o the_o lord_n breathe_v into_o man_n the_o breath_n of_o life_n and_o man_n become_v a_o live_a soul_n the_o main_a scope_n of_o the_o minister_n be_v to_o show_v what_o the_o natural_a soul_n be_v that_o god_n have_v put_v into_o man_n handle_v it_o as_o i_o conceive_v more_o like_a a_o philosopher_n than_o a_o gospel-preacher_n which_o notional_a thing_n be_v not_o those_o which_o can_v satisfy_v my_o soul_n which_o want_v now_o some_o support_n from_o heaven_n in_o this_o sad_a droop_a condition_n i_o be_v in_o but_o meet_v with_o nothing_o suitable_a to_o my_o present_a estate_n and_o be_v here_o cast_v in_o a_o place_n where_o i_o be_v deprive_v of_o all_o other_o mean_n i_o grow_v still_o into_o a_o more_o sad_a condition_n every_o day_n then_o do_v i_o lie_v under_o a_o very_a sad_a and_o strange_a temptation_n to_o neglect_v the_o ordinance_n of_o preach_v which_o be_v ground_v upon_o the_o pretence_n that_o i_o may_v improve_v my_o time_n at_o home_n to_o my_o more_o spiritual_a advantage_n which_o temptation_n i_o often_o yield_v to_o and_o when_o i_o have_v any_o opportunity_n or_o seem_a excuse_n by_o reason_n of_o any_o small_a bodily_a distemper_n either_o the_o headache_n or_o the_o like_a i_o still_o take_v those_o occasion_n to_o stay_v at_o home_n and_o so_o yield_v to_o the_o temptation_n and_o thus_o i_o do_v often_o but_o when_o i_o come_v still_o at_o night_n to_o a_o review_n of_o what_o i_o have_v do_v and_o how_o i_o have_v spend_v my_o time_n in_o each_o of_o these_o day_n as_o also_o what_o i_o have_v gain_v i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v so_o little_a through_o one_o temptation_n or_o other_o that_o i_o now_o begin_v to_o conceive_v and_o fear_v that_o it_o be_v only_o a_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n to_o bring_v i_o out_o of_o love_n with_o the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n whereupon_o the_o lord_n also_o enable_v i_o to_o begin_v to_o take_v a_o view_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n endeavour_v to_o persuade_v myself_o that_o the_o fault_n be_v only_o in_o i_o and_o that_o sure_o i_o be_v some_o way_n or_o other_o prejudice_v against_o the_o man_n or_o his_o preach_n not_o look_v as_o i_o ought_v to_o the_o power_n of_o god_n which_o be_v able_a to_o bless_v that_o mean_n to_o i_o that_o he_o have_v now_o cast_v i_o under_o contrary_a to_o my_o desire_n and_o that_o it_o be_v therefore_o just_a with_o god_n to_o let_v it_o be_v to_o i_o according_a to_o my_o unbeleef_n whereupon_o i_o begin_v again_o to_o examine_v my_o own_o heart_n whether_o or_o no_o i_o have_v any_o kind_n of_o prejudice_n against_o the_o man_n which_o