Selected quad for the lemma: duty_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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A44704
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The lady's new-years gift, or, Advice to a daughter
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Halifax, George Savile, Marquis of, 1633-1695.
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1688
(1688)
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Wing H305; ESTC R26777
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36,468
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171
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are to be allowed whilst they are well-suited to your Quality and Fortune and in the distribution of the Expence it seemeth to me that a full Attendance and well-chosen Ornaments for your House will make you a better Figure than too much glittering in what you wear which may with more ease be imitated by those which are below you yet this must not tempt you to starve every thing but your own Apartment or in order to more abundance there give just cause to the least Servant you have to complain of the want of what is necessary Above all fix it in your thoughts as an unchangeable Maxim That nothing is truly fine but what is fit and that just so much as is proper for your Circumstances of their several kinds is much finer than all you can add to it when you once break through those bounds you launch into a wide Sea of Extravagance every thing will become necessary because you have a mind to it and you have a mind to it not because it is fit for you but because some body else hath it This Lady's Logick setteth Reason upon its Head by carrying the Rule from things to Persons and appealing from what is right to every Fool that is in the wrong the word necessary is miserably applyed it disordereth Families and overturneth Governments by being so abused Remember that Children and Fools want every thing because they want Wit to distinguish and therefore there is not a stronger Evidence of a Crazy Understanding than the making too large a Catalogue of things necessary when in truth there are so very few things that have a right to be placed in it try every thing first in your Iudgement before you allow it a place in your Desire else your Husband may think it as necessary for him to deny as it is for you to have whatever is unreasonable and if you shall too often give him that advantage the habit of refusing may perhaps reach to things that are not unfit for you there are unthinking Ladies who do not enough consider how little their own Figure agreeth with the fine things they are so proud of others when they have them will hardly allow them to be visible they cannot be seen without Light and that is many times so sawcy and so prying that is like a too forward Gallant to be forbid the Chamber to Some when you are ushered into their Dark Ruelle it is with such solemnity that a Man would swear there was something in it till the Unskilful Lady breaketh silence and beginneth a Chat which discovereth it is Puppit-Play with Magnificent Scenes many esteem things rather as they are hard to be gotten than that they are worth getting This looketh as if they had an Interest to pursue that Maxim because a great part of their own value dependeth upon it Truth in these Cases would be very often unmannerly and might derogate from the Prerogative great Ladies would assume to themselves of being distinct Creatures from those of their Sex who are inferiour and of less difficult access in other things too Your Condition must give the rule to you and therefore it is not a Wifes part to aim at more than a bounded Liberality the farther extent of that Quality otherwise to be commended belongeth to the Husband who hath better means for it Generosity wrong placed becometh a Vice and it is no more a Vertue when it groweth into an Inconvenience Vertues must be inlarged or restrained according to the differing Circumstances A Princely Mind will undo a private Family therefore things must be suited or else they will not deserve to be Commended let them in themselves be never so valuable and the Expectations of the World are best answered when we acquit our selves in that manner which seemeth to be prescribed to our several Conditions without usurping upon those Duties which do not so particularly belong to us I will close the consideration of this Article of Expence with this short word Do not fetter your self with such a Restraint in it as may make you Remarkable but remember that Vertue is the greatest Ornament and good Sence the best Equipage BEHAVIOUR and CONVERSATION IT is time now to lead you out of your House into the World. A Dangerous step where your Vertue alone will not serve you except it is attended with a great deal of Prudence You must have both for your Guard and not stir without them the Enemy is abroad and you are sure to be taken if you are found stragling Your Behaviour is therefore to incline strongly towards the Reserved part your Character is immovably to be fixed upon that Bottom not excluding a mixture of greater freedom as far as it may be innocent and well-timed The Extravagancies of the Age have made Caution more necessary and by the same reason that the too great Licence of Ill Men hath by Consequence in many things restrained the Lawful Liberty of those who did not abuse it the unjustifiable Freedom of some of your Sex have involved the rest in the Penalty of being reduced And though this cannot so alter the Nature of things as to make that Criminal which in it self is Indifferent yet if it maketh it dangerous that alone is insufficient to justifie the Restraint A close behaviour is the fittest to receive Vertue for its constant Guest because there and there only it can be secure Proper Reserves are the Out-works and must never be deserted by those who intend to keep the Place they keep off the possibility not only of being taken but of being attempted and if a Woman seeth Danger at never so remote a Distance she is for that time to shorten her Line of Liberty She who will allow her self to go to the utmost Extents of every thing that is Lawful is so very near going farther that those who lie at watch will begin to count upon her Mankind from the double temptation of Vanity and Desire is apt to turn every thing a Woman doth to the hopeful side and there are few who dare make an impudent Application till they discern something which they are willing to take for an Encouragement It is safer therefore to prevent such Forwardness than to go about to cure it It gathereth Strength by the first allowances and claimeth a Right from having been at any time suffered with Impunity Therefore nothing is with more care to be avoided than such a kind of Civility as may be mistaken for Invitation It will not be enough for you to keep your self free from any criminal Engagements for if you do that which either raiseth Hopes or createth Discourse there is a Spot thrown upon your Good Name and those kind of Stains are the harder to be taken out being dropped upon you by the Man's Vanity as well as by the Woman's Malice Most Men are in one sence Platonick Lovers though they are not willing to own that Character they are so far Philosophers as to allow
home after such a gentle Discipline as you have been under every thing you dislike will seem the harsher to you the tenderness we had for you My Dear is of another nature peculiar to kind Parents and differing from that you will meet with at first in any Family into which you shall be transplanted and yet they may be very kind too and afford no justifiable reason to you to complain You must not be frighted with the first Appearances of a differing Scene for when you are used to it you may like the House you go to better than that you left and your Husband's Kindness will have so much advantage of ours that we shall yield up all Competition and as well as we love you be very well contented to Surrender to such a Rival HOUSE FAMILY and CHILDREN YOU must lay before you My Dear there are degrees of Care to recommend your self to the World in the several parts of your Life in many things though the doing of them well may raise your Credit and Esteem yet the omission of them would draw no immediate reproach upon you in others where your duty is more particularly applyed the neglect of them is amongst those Faults which are not forgiven and will bring you under a Censure which will be much a heavier thing than the trouble you would avoid of this kind is the Government of your House Family and Children which since it is the Province allotted to your Sex and that the discharging it well will for that reason be expected from you if you either desert it out of Laziness or manage it with want of skill instead of a help you will be an Incumbrance to the Family where you are placed I must tell you that no respect is lasting but that which is produced by our being in some degree useful to those that pay it where that faileth the Homage and the Reverence go along with it and fly to others where something may be expected in exchange for them and upon this principle the respects even of the Children and the Servants will not stay with one that doth not think them worth their Care and the old House-keeper shall make a better Figure in the Family than the Lady with all her fine Cloths if she wilfully relinquish her Title to the Government therefore take heed of carrying your good Breeding to such a height as to be good for nothing and to be proud of it some think it hath a great Air to be above troubling their thoughts with such ordinary things as their House and Family others dare not admit Cares for fear they should hasten Wrinkles mistaken Pride maketh some think they must keep themselves up and not descend to those Duties which do not seem enough refined for great Ladies to be imploy'd in forgetting all this while that it is more than the greatest Princes can do at once to preserve respect and to neglect their business no Age ever erected Altars to insignificant Gods they had all some quality applyed to them to draw worship from Mankind this maketh it the more unresonable for a Lady to expect to be consider'd and at the same time resolve not to deserve it good looks alone will not do they are not such a lasting Tenure as to be relyed upon and if they should stay longer than they usually do it will by no means be safe to depend upon them for when time hath abated the violence of the first liking and that the Napp is a little worn off though still a good degree of kindness may remain Men recover their sight which before might be dazell'd and allow themselves to object as well as admire in such a Case when a Husband seeth an empty airy thing that sails up and down the House to no purpose and looks as if she came thither only to make a Visit when he findeth that after her Emptiness hath been extream busy about some very senseless thing that she eats her Breakfast half an hour before Dinner to be at greater liberty to afflict the Company with her Discourse then calleth for her Coach that she may trouble her Acquaintance who are already cloy'd with her And having some proper Dialogues ready to display her Foolish Eloquence at the top of the Stairs she setteth out like a Ship out of Harbour laden with trifles and cometh back with them at her return she repeateth to her faithful Waiting-Woman the Triumphs of that day's Impertinence then wrap'd up in Flattery and clean Linen goeth to Bed so satisfied that it throweth her into pleasant Dreams of her own Felicity such a one is seldom serious but with her Taylor her Children and Family may now and then have a random thought but she never taketh aim but at something very Impertinent I say when a Husband whose Province is without Doors and to whom the Oeconomy of the House would be in some degree Indecent findeth no Order nor Quiet in his Family meeteth with Complaints of all kinds springing from this Root the Mistaken Lady who thinketh to make amends for all this by having a well-chosen Petty-Coat will at last be convinced of her Error and with grief be forced to undergo the Penalties that belong to those who are wilfully Insignificant when this scurvy hour cometh upon her she first groweth Angry then when the time of it is past would perhaps grow wiser not remembring that we can no more have Wisdom than Grace when ever we think fit to call for it there are Times and Periods fix'd for both and when they are too long neglected the Punishment is that they are Irrecoverable and nothing remaineth but an useless Grief for the Folly of having thrown them out of our Power you are to think what a mean Figure a Woman maketh when she is so degraded by her own Fault whereas there is nothing in those Duties which are expected from you that can be a lessening to you except your want of Conduct make it so You may love your Children without living in the Nursery and you may have a competent and discreet care of them without letting it break out upon the Company or exposing your self by turning your Discourse that way which is a kind of Laying Children to the Parish and it can hardly be done any where that those who hear it will be so forgiving as not to think they are overcharged with them A Womans tenderness of her Children is one of the least deceitful Evidences of her Vertue but yet the way of expressing it must be subject to the Rules of good Breeding And though a Woman of Quality ought not be less kind to them than Mothers of the meanest Rank are to theirs yet she may distinguish her self in the manner and avoid the course Methods which in Women of a lower size might be more excusable You must begin early to make them Love you that they may Obey you This Mixture is no where more necessary than in Children and I must tell