Selected quad for the lemma: duty_n
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A00554
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Counsel to the husband: to the wife instruction A short and pithy treatise of seuerall and ioynt duties, belonging vnto man and wife, as counsels to the one, and instructions to the other; for their more perfect happinesse in this present life, and their eternall glorie in the life to come.
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Ste. B.
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1608
(1608)
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STC 1069; ESTC S118841
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33,892
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104
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honor of Headship to alter order and direct as in wisedome hee seeth cause which glorie must still shine in his face as he liueth in his familie and not in hers in his presence he must still be seene to bee the head and husband and shee may not beare it which were most vncomely yea her very shame and dishonour if shee waigh it rightlie Now contrarie to all this one euil sicknes I haue obserued in the experience of my daies An euill obserued amongst men and their wiues to speake according to the phrase of Salomon which I find not the offenders therein carefully to preuent though it be the confusion of mariage happines namely where the husband and the wife are at oddes which of them shall first begin to performe their duty that is A law point betweene man and wife whether the husbands loue bee the foundation of the wiues obedience or the wiues obedience of the husbands loue The wife will say Let mine husband loue me as he should and I will obey him as I ought The busband he saith Let her doe her dutie and I will loue and maintaine her Thus they stand at staues end both of them agreeing in generall that ioynt dutie is to be performed of both but neither at agreement which shall begin Surely as in all duties the Apostles counsell is Rom. 12.10 that in giuing honour one should goe before another that is euery member should striue to giue each other the chiefest honour a note of true loue and singular humilitie so could I wish that it might neuer grow to question of law betweene man and wife whose is the dutie for foundation to begin the worke of household gouernment but for them rather to striue VVhat should be not vvhat is who should bee most carefull of each others good The husband in needfull seruice should not neede to say Good wife helpe me herein I meane in things euident vnto her but the wife should preuent him with Good husband let me doe it for you Neither the wife to say in like case I pray husband doe this for me but hee rather to take care to preuent her desire 1. Cor. 7.23.24 Else what meaneth the Apostle by those words which of this estate hee vttereth The wife careth for the things of the world how she may please her husband And againe The husband careth for the things of this world how hee may please his wife Thus they should not striue vnlesse it were to giue honour as was said and to doe seruice and by loue to preuent each other in that which loue should further one another in to the benefit of the whole and honour of the Lord. And surely where true loue raigneth indeede and not a counterfeit shew of loue or where in faithfull loue either of them are truely carefull of each others good they shall not neede to sue each other at the law for their right or complaine they haue wrong but as Abraham said to Lot Gen. 13.8.9 Let there bee no strife I pray thee betweene thee and me c. But if thou wilt take the left hand then I will goe to the right or if thou wilt goe to the right I will take the left so quietly would they compound nay make no question thereof But if there bee such The remedie of the foresaid euill sicknes as cannot end this controuersie without the Law as no question there bee of both vnreasonable men and women men that will rule like Lamech tyrannouslie and women that will liue contentiouslie to whom the wiues will say If my husband will loue me I will obey him and such men say If my wife will serue me I wil be beneuolent then this I must say A doome against the wife that contendeth The wrong and burthen will light vpon the womans backe By wrong I meane not iniustice but as we say in our prouerbe the wrong end of the staffe will be her parte that is it is in vaine in this case for the wife to striue with the husband which is the weaker with the stronger the horse pardon mee good wiues to vse so base a similitude the horse I say with him that hath the bridle and is able to sit fast Concerning which point if women will bring their case to the Law of Gods word which either must rule them here or else will rule and iudge them most fearefully elsewhere they shall finde Reasons vvhy the husband ought to be superiour and the vvife to obey first 1. Tim. 2.13 first the man to haue the prerogatiue by these circumstances 1. By being called the head she the bodie 2. The man to be first created and so perfect touching creation without her though in regard of fellowship and procreation as the Apostle saith Neither is the man without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord and therefore hee saith that the man was not made for the woman but the woman for the man The punishment of Adam and Eue for sinne 3. As the woman being the weaker vessell was deceiued by the diuell and so deceiued man so God calling them both before his iudgement seate arraigned Gen. 3. accused and condemned both of them for their fault and sinne Vers 17. The man for his loosenes of gouernment in obeying his wife was condemned not to lose his gouernment but to labour and paine to trauaile with paine for foode and maintenance The woman besides her peculiar paines ioyned with his generall 1. Tim. 2.15 wherein yet being patient shee serueth God as an excellent instrument and handmaide to store and fulfill his kingdome I say besides these ioynt or peculiar paines as to the principall instrumentall cause of Adams miserie for that she did that which Satan otherwise could not haue done without her the Lord ouer and aboue condemneth her for tribute of all obedience to her husband The vviues tribute to the husband Vers 16. saying Thy desire shall bee subiect to thine husband and hee shall rule ouer thee which words being so plaine and euident need no exposition in the world neither neede I to confirme it with many testimonies which abound in the Scriptures to this effect and purpose The sentence must needes be iust and good vvhen God is the Iudge So that the Lord not man decideth this controuersie and subiecteth the wife both in desire and will vnto her husband telling them who shall begin who shall lay the foundation and how the worke and building shall arise thereon Thus and thus saith God it shall be both desire to haue euen desire of good things and of all things and will or power to doe or vndertake ought both these saith God shall bee subiect to thine husband and hee shall rule ouer thee Hearken now my deere friend here vnto the iudgement of the Lord though I trust I shall haue little cause to speake peculiarlie vnto you yea to auoide offence
COVNSEL TO THE HVSBAND TO THE WIFE Instruction A SHORT AND PITHY TREATISE OF SEuerall and ioynt duties belonging vnto man and wife as counsels to the one and instructions to the other for their more perfect happinesse in this present life and their eternall glorie in the life to come AT LONDON Imprinted by Felix Kyngston for Richard Boyle 1608. TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFVL AND my very Christian friends Master THOMAS GERVOYSE and his vertuous wife Mistris LVCY GERVOYSE true happinesse in this life and eternall glorie in the life to come be from God the Father through Iesus Christ. MY VVorshipfull deare friends in the Christian dutie which I owe vnto your worshipfull Parents who haue a long time deserued much at mine hands and much more then I can repay as also in the loue J beare to your owne and your beloued yokâ—fellow bethinking with my selfe wherein to shew some token of this loue as it well becommeth and concerneth a thankefull heart and weighing the estate whereunto God hath called you of the marriage band J did light vpon this argument thinking it the fittest for your vse and the easiest for my studie to labour in by reason of mine experience of the euils thereof which as a token of my loue to preuent the euill and to instruct vnto the godly duties and fruits of that Christian and honourable estate J doe humbly present and prefer vnto you not doubting but you will both accept and apply it as shall be most expedient in euery respect And so to a slender worke a short and briefe Dedication may well suffice that the porch of the house be not bigger then the whole building And so I commend it to Gods glorie and my self to your seruice in the Lord Iesus Yours in all Christian duty and seruice Ste. B. Counsell to the Husband To the wife instruction THE whole estate of mans happines may easily bee disposed into the consideration of two times The state of this life present and the glorie of the life to come This life being the first is both the Image to resemble and the foundation wherein to lay or worke that eternall happines Neither is there any estate wherein we may more liuely behold or sensiblie taste and feele any sparckle or iot of the Lord our God his eternall loue to vs then in that vnited estate of man and wife wherein two persons become but one Ephes 5.13 which still are two and mutually owe to otheâ— seuerall dutie A double vnion The vnion whereof as it is vnspeakeable where there is indeede an holy vnion so hath it pleased the Lord not seldome but often in his word and especially in that Song of songs called Salomons Canticles vnder the title of an husband reioycing with his wife to set forth his loue vnto vs what it is in Christ Iesus Whose mutuall kindnes expressed in that song I meane in termes in duties in wanting each other in seeking in sorrowing in finding in inioying in solacing and imbracing in vnwillingnes to leaue and depart each from other may well shew the coniunction to be vnspeakeable betweene man and wife rightly conioyned and yoked equally and bee a liuely paterne of more heauenly things Howbeit I say it is not in all coniunctions that this Image of spiritual happines doth appeare All mariages doe not resemble heauenly happines for in some it beareth rather a type of hellish sorrowes wherein our Sauiour saith shall bee weeping and gnashing of teeth Matth. 25.30 when the iudgement shall bee pronounced vpon the reprobate Goe away yee cursed ones into euerlasting fire Verse 41. Euen so where the match is vnmeete the coniunction vnequall the vnited in bodie disunited in spirit of contrarie affections harts and religions duties vnperformed each crossing other or any of the twaine vnwise that will not bee admonished what are the fruits there but wrath bitternes contention controlling contradiction taking all things in the euill parte ielousie vpbraiding discontentment false dealing secret iuggling conspiring wants without pittying each other toyle without helping each other seeking each one his credit with discredit vnto both with many other as grieuous to be spoken of as any past All which no doubt made Salomon so to speake Prou. 21.9.19 as his Prouerbes doe beare witnes namely that it were better to dwell in the corner of an house top yea in the wildernesse most desolate and solitarie and as another saith with dragons beares or other cruell beasts then with the contentious and froward wife So that as I said this Image of Gods loue and of our eternall and most happie coniunction with Christ he the head and we the members hee the husband and we the wife hee our welbeloued one and we his aswell beloued is not to bee found in euerie coniunction as wofull experience giueth cause of complaint to many but onely in the godly vnited match in the well ordered and gouerned match A necessarie caueat So that how necessarily doth it behooue them that would liue perfectlie happie by inioying the one and auoyding the other to bee instructed in the meanes which leade hereunto that is seeing this happines is in the right ordering of man and wife themselues each towards other and then both in the ioynt gouerning of their familie to know therefore both their seuerall workes and conioyned duties And whereas I called this estate before a foundation wherein to lay the worke of eternall happines I spake not without aduisement for that The Church is the schoole of Gods Kingdome as the Church generally is the schoole of Gods kingdome a place to make men fit before they can enioy his kingdome vnderstanding me of such as come to the state of discretion and iudgement as also the word of God is called the Gospell of this kingdome because that in this life it fitteth men thereunto so is euery mans house rightlie ordered and gouerned by the rules of godlines not vniustly or without cause by the holy Ghost called a Church Rom. 16.5 Reu. 1.6 the Gouernours Kings Priests and Prophets vnto God Kings to rule Priests to offer sacrifice and Prophets to instruct or see instructed The husband first and principally as the head and high Priest the wife in his absence or as vpon iust cause he shall require her She openeth her mouth saith Salomon with wisedome Prou. 30.26 and the Law of grace is in her tongue So likewise did Bathsheba teach her sonne Salomon Prou. 30. See the title therof Lest whereas the Apostle saith The wife shall learne at home of her husband 1. Cor. 14.34 1. Tim. â— 12 she should thinke her selfe absolutely excused or freed of this dutie No by no meanes may shee thinke it Vertuous women must teach in the familie as not being the meanest propertie of the virtuous wife In all which gouernment howsoeuer the Church oftentimes doth want the parts and members of her gouernment by reason wherof God