MARRIAGE DVTIES BRIEFELY COVCHED TOGITHER OVT OF COLOSSIANS 3.18 19. BY THOMAS GATAKER Bachelar of Diuinitie and Pastor of Rotherhith LONDON Printed by WILLIAM IONES for WILLIAM BLADEN and are to be sold at his shop at the signe of the Bible in Pauls Church-yard 1620. TO THE HOPEFVLL YOVNG COVPLE THE RIGHT WORSHIPFVLL Mr. ROBERT COOKE Esquire and the vertuous Gentlewoman Mistres DOROTHIE COOKE his wife many comfortable daies in Gods â—eaâ—e and â—auour to their mutuall and eternall good RIght louely and beloued in Christ giue me leaue to include you both in one Dedication whome heartie loue and affection hath conioyned togither and whome Gods â—â—ne ordinance hath made one At the time of 〈◊〉 â—â—lâ—mne knitting of you togither there was 〈◊〉 important considerations a dutie 〈…〉 absolutely necessarie yet at such times not vnseasonable To supply that defect I make bold now to present you with some passages of such a subiect as it is like had then beene handled if opportunitie had serued They are raw notes of a Sermon long since made on the like occasion Which finding by mee and willing to imbrace any opportunitie of expressing my loue there in any degree where I iustly owe so great a measure I suddainly reuised and prepared them for the presâ—e And albeit in the reuising of them I obserued some defects and could well haue beene content to haue taken further time and paines for the better polishing and the more orderly digesting of them as also for the speciall applying of them to your selues to whome now they are addressed yet I supposed it would bee much more conuenient and behoouefull without further delay while the occasion is yet fresh to present you with them as they are that they might salute a New-married Couple at the entring in of the New-yeere An exact treatise or large discourse of Marriage Duties though the Title be such I hope they will not expect that shall vnderstand that they haue here but the Substance of one Sermon deliuered when it was within the compasse of little more then an houre and vpon the recollecting of my Meditations afterward at the request of some not much enlarged And though I doubt not but you may meete with many profitable Treatises of the like Argument yet I was desirous you should haue somewhat thereof from my selfe The truth of God I wot well is the same and deserueth all due regard by whomsoeuer it is deliuered But yet there is some efficacie added to it when it is brought vs by those whome we specially affect and of whome we are perswaded that they doe likewise in speciall manner affect vs. Of this mutuall affection betweene you both and my selfe as there is in diuers respects very great and iust ground so I hope there is no doubt at all made on either side of it The assurance whereof if it may helpe to supply some defects that may be found in this vntimely birth some good fruite I hope by the reading of it may redound to you both Much I heartily desire may daily both by this and by all other good meanes to all your friends ioy your owne mutuall comfort here and your eternall happinesse hereafter With which vnfained desire I end for the present and rest Your poore kinsman and heartie well-wisher THO. GATAKER MARRIAGE DVTIES Coloss. 3.18 19. Wiues submit your selues vnto your Husbands as it is câ—mely in the Lord. Husbands loue your Wiues and bee not bitter to them WIthout Faith saith the Apostle Paul it is impossible to please God And Faith saith the Apostle Iames Is but dead without workes There bee two things therefore necessarily required of euery Christian true Faith and good Life A man cannot liue but by a liuely Faith and Faith is not liuely without hoâ—y Life The Apostle therefore accordingly spendeth this as he doth other of his Epistles partly in deliuering the grounds and doctrine of Faith and partly in directing the faithfull for the manner of their Life Now because euery man ordinarily hath two seuerall Callings a Generall and a Speciall the Generall calling of a Christian and some Speciall calling in that particular estate that God hath assigned each one vnto the Apostle giueth Rules here as else-where for our behauiour in either some generally concerning all men generally as they are Christians in the former part of this Chapiter some speciall concerning seuerall persons in their seuerall estates as they are inferiours or superiours tyed by naturall or ciuill bands either to other in the words of my text and so forward And in this part the Apostle deliuereth the Duties 1. Of Husband and Wife 2. Of Parents and Children 3. Of Masters and Seruants The Duties of Husband and Wife are in the words of my Text. the Wiues dutie in the former verse the Husbands in the latter In handling whereof we will obserue first the Order then the Matter For the Order the Apostle is here as euer vsually exact Before he began first with Faith and then came to Life because Faith is the Roote and good Life the Fruit and without the Roote there can be no Fruit in regâ—rd whereof it is well said that The whole life of the Faithlesse is nothing but sinne and there can nothing be good without the chiefe good For it is no lesse true of speciall Faith which is spoken by the Apostle of the generall Faith that whatsoeuer is not of Faith is sinne He began first with rules of Life generall and then came to Rules speciall because howsoeuer the Heathen man thought that A man might be a good Man and yet not a good citizen or he might be a good Magistrate or a good Master and yet not a good Man yet indeed a man can not be a good Husband or Parent or Master vnlesse he first be a good Christian at least not so good as to reape comfort or benefit thereby himselfe or to performe offices to others in that manner as he ought Here likewise he beginneth first with the duties of married persons and of them first with the wiues First at the duties of married persons of man and wife the Apostle beginneth here as else-where and so proceedeth to the duties of Children and Parents in the second place and of Seruants and Masters in the third place First because this societie it is the first that euer was in the world and therefore as it was the first in nature so it is the first here in order the Apostle beginneth first with that which in course of nature is first Secondly because this is the fountaine from whence the rest flow and the streames can not flow pure and cleare vnlesse the fountaine be first clensed and kept cleane The Apostle therefore wisely beginneth at the Head-spring that a good course being setled in this principall societie it may be
the better kept and continued in others that issue and flow from it And this point thus obserued may first serue to shew what is one maine cause of much neglect of dutie in many families in children towards parents in seruants toward Master and Mistres because the gouernours are not carefull of mutuall duties betwixt themselues of concord and agreement the one with the other of loue and fidelitie the one to the other of respectfull and regardfull carriage the one towards the other And so neglect of dutie and difference betweene them is a meanes to breed a contempt of one or both in those that should be guided by them making seruants and children to take occasion of libertie and faile in their duty to them as they faile in dutie either to other Yea it is a iust iudgement oft with God to punish the one by the other as rebellion against the Creator by rebellion in the creature so neglect in rulers of duties enioynâ—d them of God by neglect of dutie toward them in those that should be ruled by them Secondly it may admonish married folke that are heads of houses if they desire to haue things go wel ' in the family that they haue a speciall care of those duties that God hath enioyned them in regard either of other That will be a meanes to make duties passe more orderly both from them to others and from others to them as the contrarie prooueth ordinarily a great hindrance to either For as in a clocke or a watch if the spring be faultie the wheeles can not goe or if they mooue not either other the hammer can not strike so here where dutie faileth betweene man and wâ—fe it causeth a neglect of all other good duties in the family that dependeth vpon them yea of dutie oft euen to God himselfe in them And therefore married persons if they desire to haue duties performed to them by others they must first performe what is fit and conuenient either to other remembring that the due performance of mutuall duties to either shall both make them fitter for the performance of good offices to others and others readier in performance of theirs vnto them Now in the next place as the Apostle beginneth with Married persons Man and wise so of the twaine here he placeth the wiues dutie in the first place A course constantly obserued both by Peter and Paul as here lo else-where that they begin first with the wiues dutie and so passe on to the husbands and that for two causes First to shew the inferioritie of the wife in regard of the husband for we may obserue that the Apostle beginneth euer with the dutie of the inferiour first the childrens then the Parents first the Seruants then the Masters and so first the wiues then the Husbands the womans first then the Mans. Secondly to shew where dutie is to begin on the wiues part it is to begin at the inferiour and so to ascend to the superiour For Loue goeth downeward dutie commeth vpward It beginneth with the inferiour and so goeth vp to the superiour The wiues dutie is as the base or ground that the husband dutie is built vpon It is that that must draw dutie and respect from the husband Likewise saith the Apostle Peter Let the men liue with their wiues c. Hauing spoken of the wiues behauiour toward her husband before Not that it is lawfull for the superiour to omit his dutie if the inferiour be slacke or faultie in the performance of hers but to shew in course of nature whither should begin to shew dutie And this first serueth to admonish the wife to be forward in performance of such good duties as God requireth on her part and not to straine courtesie and stand vpon tearmes as to say Let him doe what he should doe and then I will doe what is befitting me Wouldest thou haue him to doe that that is his dutie there is no way more agreeable to the word and will of God more consonant to the course and order of nature more likely to prooue successefull and effectuall to that purpose and to haue a blessing of God goe with it then the carefull performance of thy dutie to him then which nothing is more forcible to draw dutie from him In a word the wiues maine dutie here is subiection the mans principally Loue and there is nothing more auaileable with a good nature to extract from it loue and all duties of loue then a willing subiection and yeelding issuing from loue in the partie to bee loued Againe this sheweth if any breach or occasion of offence shall arise betweene man and wife whither is to seeke to other Howsoeuer the husband in discretion being that he is or ought to be the wiser and the woman held to be the weaker as Abraham sought to Lot though beeing euery way the better yet the wife is in duty rather to seeke reconcilement as the Apostle implâ—eth when hee saith Let her be reconciled to her husband and as we see it held in all estates that the inferiour doth euer seeke and sue to the superiour and so to breake of first on her side that vacancie and intermission of duties that thereupon hath ensued And thus much for the Order we come now to the Matter Wherein concerning the wiues dutie first propounded obserue we two things the maine dutie and the manner of it The maine dutie on the wiues part is Submission or Subiection That the Apostâ—es of Christ both Paul and Peter exact euer on her part For the reason whereof in generall no other need be rendred then that which the Apostle Paul propoundeth in this place that it is a matter of Comelinesse and Decency God is the God as of order and peace so of Comelinesse and Decencie and therefore will haue All things done in decencie and in order but that the wife should submit and subiect her selfe to her husband it is a thing comely and the contrary vncomely Which point shall further the more plainely appeere if we shall consider that the Husband is the superiour and the wife the inferiour that the Husband is as the head the wife as the body or the rib For the first there can bee no ordinary entercourse and commerce or conuersing betweene person and person but there must be a precedencie on the one part and a yeelding of it on the other Now where they be equals there may be some question some difficultie whither shall haue the prioritie and they take it commonly as it falleth out or by turnes But where there is an apparent inequalitie there it is without question that the inferiour is to yeeld to the superiour Now here the Husband is the Superiour and the wife the Inferiour as the Apostle else-where prooueth both from the Creation and since the transgression From the Creation as appeareth by the Order Maner End of it By
to bee condemned the practise of such wiues as are gadders abroad least acquainted with or delighting in ought at their owne home rather in that regard the daughters of Dinah then Sarah whom we know what befell vpon her wandring abroad And surely as the Apostle ioyneth chastitie and home keeping together as the one a meanes of preseruing the other so the wise man maketh such gadding abroad a note of a light and a lewd houswise Or such as though they keepe within yet sit idle at home must haue their gossips come and sit with them to tell tales and newes that they may not be idle without company little weighing with themselues that time the meane while runneth on and worke about the house goeth but vntowardly forward while there is none to ouersee or looke after it As also the practise of such as are wasters spenders and spoilers of their husbands wealth and of that they bring in that therein indeed like the Torteis carrie their whole house on their backe which though they feele not the weight of yet maketh the husbands backe ake yea and cracke too breaketh the backe of their estate as in that sexe commonly there is no ho when a wastfull humour is once in so farre are they from helping to further or aduance their estate Such should remember the saying of Salomon that as the wise woman helpeth to build vp the house so shee is a foole that thus pulleth the house downe with her owne hands Secondly the wife is to be an assistant and a yoke fellow to her husband as in his trauels and labours so in troubles and crosses if any befall 〈◊〉 as no mans life lightly is free from them No larke without an heâ—le nor course of life without some crosse or other and that two waies By bearing part with him And by being a comfort vnto him First by bearing part with him For whereas married persons are subiect to many more crosses and casualties then those that leade a single life in regard their charge is the greater howsoeuer the women themselues are not exposed to so many personall encumbrances as men because their life is more priuate Yet as the Apostle saith of the faithfull ChristiaÌ„s that they were fellow-partners with him in his afflictions so ought the wife to bee with the husband in those afflictions that befall him And surely if all Christians in generall much more married folkes in speciall ought to beare either others burdens If all Christians must haue a fellow-feeling of one anothers suffrings because they are all members of one bodie much more man and wife that are both but one flesh Contrary whereunto is the practise of those wiues that leaue and forsake their husbands when they are fallen into troubles are like swallowes and other sommer-birds content to reape and enioy with them the pleasant fruits of prosperitie but vnwilling to beare and endure with them the bitter brunt and blasts of aduersitie care not nor regard what their husbands do or what becomes of them what hardnesse they endure what miserie they abide so long as by helpe of friends or other prouisions they are able themselues to shift for themselues Very vnnaturall are they that haue no fellow-feeling of what their owne flesh suffereth vnlike our Sauiour Christ who retaineth still compassion though free from personall passion and though freed now from feeling hath still yet a fellow-feeling of those euils that befall his here Yea worse then many heathen women that haue shewed worthy precedents on this part and in this kinde and shall therefore rise in iudgement at the last day against all such Christian women as be faultie this way The like is to be said of the practise of such as are a meanes themselues to bring their husbands into decay and distresse and so procure trouble to them by their inordinate courses and excessiue expences whereby they cast them behind hand and that to their vtter ouerthrow and vndoing oft times and so in stead of helping to beare his burden with him are a meanes to bring such a burden vpon him as neither of them both is well able to beare Secondly by being a cheerer and a comforter a meanes of comfort and cheerefulnesse to him as Iacobs children were to Iacob and so Rebekkah to Isaak And surely if it be the dutie of children to comfort their parents in their heauinesse much more the wiues to comfort her husband in like cases If a wise childe is a ioy to his father much more will a good and a wise wife striue to be so to her husband to be to him as Dauids harpe was to Saul as a physitian to tend him in his sicknes as a a musitian to cheere him vp in his heauinesse But what a wretched and lamentabâ—e case is it then when shee that should be a comfort prooueth a discomfort that her husband may say of her as Iob of his friends A miserable comforter art thou indeede As in Eue that shee that was giuen to be an helper to good should prooue a tempter to euill so here when shee that should bee the ioy and the delight of a mans eyes prooueth a corrasiue to his heart and corruption in his bones And surely as there is no estate more comfortable where things are wisely ordred according to Gods will and word so none more discomfortable where things are crossely and crookedâ—y carried Inward euils are most grieuous in regard whereof one of the ancients compareth not amisse an euill and a guilty conscience to an vnto ward yoke fellow For that is common to either then which what can bee more grieâ—ous that that prooueth with a man the greatest crosse that should be a comfort to him against other crosses Such women forget or at least are farre from that which Salomon saith of a good wife Shee will doe her husband good and not euill all the daies of her life that which euery good woman vndoubtedly will endeauour her selfe vnto Hitherto we haue spoken of the Maine dutie on the wiues part namely Submission or Subiection togither with the particulars or at least the prâ—ncipall of those that thence issue We come now to the manner of the performance of all the former and that is saith our Apostle In the Lord a phrase vsed by the Apostle in the like case else-where and it may be taken two waies as a note of Direction or as a note of Limitation 1. As a note of direction prescribing the ground and manner of this submission that it bee done in obedience of God and the commandement of God in conscience of the order and ordinance of God 2. As a note of limitation describing the bounds and limits of this submission assistance reuerence and obedience that it extend not it selfe to anything against the will and word of
God In the former sense it seemeth to be vsed by the Apostle where he speaketh of childrens dutie in the latter where he applieth it to widdowes marriage And the latter followeth vpon the former For a man can not doe ought against Gods will or word out of obedience to his will and word it implieth a manifest contradiction And therefore whatsoeuer is done in obedience to Gods will must needs so farre forth be done according to and not against his word or will The former I take here to be the direct meaning of the words the latter by way of consequence is deduced from it And so this branch affordeth two points concerning the dutie here enioyned First that this Submission for the ground of it must be a godly a religious a conscionable submission perforâ—ed not for worâ—dly respects or for feare of wrath but as the Apostle saith of good subiects for conscience sake in conscience of Gods ordinance and in obedience to Gods command For first it is Godlinesse alone that hath the promises both of this life and the life to come and therefore there is no reward for ought that proceedeth not from it Secondly as Luther saith well that the first commandement in the Decalogue comprehendeth the whole because therein is the bond that bindeth vs to the obedience of the whole so it is no lesse true that the Apostle Iames telleth vs that religion or godlinesse which is the ground and bond of all obedience is to be exercised and practised through the whole course of our liues that as all ciuill duties are to proceede from loue vnto man so they are likewise to be done in obedience to God Which point serueth First to shew a difference betweene a godly and a worldly wise a Christian woman an heathen a faithfull and an infidel For an heathen woman may doe all outward duties that a Christian wife doth out of a naturall or carnall loue to her husband or out of a desire of her owne ease and quiet that dependeth thereupon or out of other naturall and ciuill respects as feare of anger at home and of euill report abroad But the Christian wife doth all on a further ground though these and the like considerations also may make her the more carefull out of obedience to God and the will and word of God out of a desire to please God to approue her self her courses vnto God As the heathen subiect serueth God for his Prince the Christian subiect serueth his prince for God so the heathen wife obeieth God but for man whereas the Christian wise obeyeth her husband for God Againe it may teach women how to behaue theÌ„selues in these duties that they may therby gaine as well fauor with God as loue with their husbands at home and a good report abroad if they shall do all in obedieÌ„ce of God if they shall do all as vnto God as a Christian seruant serueth God and not man so submitting themselues to God not to man while they regard God in their husbaÌ„ds as he doth God in his master and so doe all as vnto God because they do all for God and for conscience of God Else though they performe all outward duties they go no further then heathen if they do not so much they come short of them and if they expect desire to be accepted with God they must go beyond them they must not onely do all that they doe but do it as they should do do all for God then they doe it to God For as they releeue Christ in the poore when they releeue them for Christ so they obey Christ in their husbands when they obey them for Christ. Not regard so much what their husbands deserue from them as what God requireth of them and as Christian subiects submit themselues to good gouernours as vnto God to euill gouernours for God or rather vnto either of them both as vnto God and in God so submit themselues to their husbands bee they good or badde deserue they well or euill of them as for God and in God and vnto God in regard of the precept and enioynment of God So doing as the Apostle saith they shall be sâ—ued by child-bearing so they shall be saued by Christian submission and obedience As the seruant that serueth not man but the Lord shall from the Lord receiue the inheâ—â—tance of a sonne so the woman that submitteth her selfe to her husband for God shall for such her submission be eternally rewarded of God And this withall may againe serue well to take away that obiection of faultie performance on the other part If he doe not his dutie to me why should I doe minâ— to him True if thou oughtest it to him onely or principalâ—'y to him But it is in the Lord and for him that this dutie is required of thee Him thou owest it vnto whither thy husband doe his or no w hither he deserue it or no at thine hands Neither shall his faultinesse excuse thy fault if thou shalt refuse to performe what God hath imposed on thee and so shalt faile in thy duty that thou owest vnto God because man faileth in his that he likewise oweth vnto God whither thou doest thine or no to him Secondly this Submission for the extent of it must not bee in ought against God And therefore when the Apostle maketh it generall in all thingâ— it must bee conceiued by way of opposition betweene her owne will and her husbands will as the Apostle is said to please all men in all things that is euen to the displeasing of himselfe not regarding his owne profite but respecting their pleasure not by way of opposition betweene Gods will and mans will For when they crosse God is rather to be obeyed then man his will is rather to be regarded then mans will And the reason is apparent for 1. This submission is Gods ordâ—nance and Gods ordinance cannot be against God but for God 2. The husbands power as of all superiours is subordinate to Gods power and the subordinate power ought euer to yeeld to the supreme power And therefore first let men looke vnto it and take heede how they take vpon them to aduise perswade induce or vrge their wiues to ought against God and godlinesse or good conscience For by so doing they shall but abuse their power and place and lessen their authoritie and credite as euery one doth that goeth beyond the bounds and limits of his office As also women must know that it shall be no sufficient excuse for them if they shall suffer themselues to be led by their husbands vnto ought that is euill no more then it was for Adam to be seduced and misled by Eue or for Ahab to be prouoked and egged on by Iezabel vnto euill Neither will it serue to alleadge that the woman
the order of it in that The man was first created and not the woman and therefore the man hath the Birth-right as the first borne in the family in regard whereof God speaketh of Eue to Adam as of Abel to Cain Thy desire shall be subiect to his and he shall rule ouer thee By the manner of it in that The woman was made of the man and not the man of the woman she had her being at first from him as their children now haue from them and in that regard is the woman said to be the image and glory of the man as man is the image and glory of God By the end of it in that The woman was made for the man and not the man for the woman Shee was made to be as an helpe vnto him and it is a rule generall that The end is more excellent then that which tendeth thereunto Neither was this Order reuersed but confirmed by the Fall in regard that the woman was as the latter in creation so the former intransgression as the Apostles words are to be expounded where hee speaketh of that point and so was an instrument to draw the man on vnto euill Againe the Man is as the Head and the woman as the body The Man is the womans head and Christ the mans head and God Christs head As Christ therefore is subiect to God and the man vnto Christ so the woman to the man The Man is the womans head as Christ is the Churches head And therefore the wife is to be subiect to her husband as the Church is to Christ And the husband to rule the wife as the head or soule doth the body And as it is against the order of nature that the body should rule the head so is it no lesse against the course of all good order that the woman should vsurpe authoritie to her selfe ouer her husband her head Yea the place whence shee was taken may teach as much Shee was taken from the side she was framed of the ribbe In regard whereof it is said of Lamech who first brought in Polygamie that he diuided one rib into twaine and of the deuill tempting Iob by his wife that he sought to make passage through the Rib to the Heart As it were therefore a thing prodigious and monstrous in nature for the rib in the body to stand either equall with or aboue the head so wee may well say here that a mankinde woman or a masterly wiâ—e is euen a monster in nature The vse of this point may bee partly for Reprehension and partly for Admonition For reprehension to reprooue and taxe those women that affect mastership seeke to rule and ouerrule those whom God hath not committed onely but submitted and subiected them vnto and so violate that order which God himselfe hath established in nature a course that bringeth commonly through the iust iudgement of God disgrace and contempt vpon both parties yea vtter ruine oâ—t of the family and of their whole estate For howsoeuer women may thinke it an honour to them yet it is indeede rather a dishonour A masterly wife is as much despised and derided for taking rule ouer her husband as he for yeelding it to her and that not onely among those that be godly and religious but euen among those that be but meere naturall men and women Yea it is the next way to bring all to wrack For where the wiâ—e maketh head against the husband there is nothing but doing and vndoing and so all things goe backward and th e whole house runneth to ruine as by lamentable experience too often appeareth Which may serue therefore for Admonition to admonish euery Christian woman in holy wisedome and godly discretion to learne to know her place and her part and to fashion her minde and her will her disposition and her practise accordingly thereunto yea though she be her selfe of a greater spirit and in some respect of better parts though she bring much with her though the maine estate come by her yet to acknowledge her husband as God hath appointed him to be her superiour as he is her husband and her head which acknowledgement is the ground of the dutie here vrged as the contrarie conceite cutteth of all conscionable carriage in this kinde that she be willing to weare the yoake and beare the burden that God in his ordinance hath imposed on her and not onely auoide and forbeare but euen hate and abhorre the contrary as a course abominable in Gods sight odious in mans eyes and preiudiciall to them both Now that this may be the better performed it shall not bee amisse more distinctly to entreate of such particular duties as spring from the Subiection or Submission vrged by the Apostle on this part We must not therefore conceiue it that this Submission consisteth in a complementall crowching and courtesing or the like as hypocrites place religion onely in ceremoniall obseruances but rather in a faithfull and carefull in a constant and conscionable performance of such duties as issue and flow from the inward acknowledgement of that superioritie of power and place that God hath giuen to the husband in regard of the wife And these duties may bee referred or reduced to three heads Reuerence Obedience Assistance The first dutie is Reuerence which comprehendeth two things Honour Feaâ—e First Honour the generall dutie of all inferiours required in the fift precept wherein as all inferiours are comprised vnder one kinde so all their dutie vnder this one tearme more specially applied to this particular in that edict of Assuerus that all women high or low doe giue honouâ— to their husbands and it consisteth in a reuerent and respectfull carriage towards them commended in Sara her behauiour towards Abraham that thought reuerently of him as her head spake reuerently of him as her Lord that neither when they are kinde and familiar together they grow into grosse tearms nor if any iarre or offence fall out they rush into tart and soure words but take heede of all vnreuerent and vnsauoury language of them of all vnseemely and vncomely carriage toward them like that of Iesabel to Ahab Doest thou iudge Israel or of Mical to Dauid telling him that he plaid the foole in dauncing before Gods Arke which speech of hers as it argued a contempt of him in her heart so it was iustly plagued in her by God with barrennesse as a breach of his ordinance she had no childe for it to her dying day Secondly Feare not a seruile or slauish dread but a liberall free and ingenuous feare like that feare that the godly beare vnto God as the Apostle Peter implieth when excluding the one he yet exacteth the other a feare springing from loue and ioyned with loue consisting in a desire
is the weaker But they must consider who it is from whom the man hath his right his power and his place euen he that hath power equally ouer either and will vndoubtedly punish either if either the one shall perswade or the other vpon perswasion yeeld to ought against his will Hitherto we haue entreated of the former part concerning the wiues dutie wee come now to the latter part concerning the Husbands And the Husbands dutie is propounded partly in the affirmatiue and partly in the negatiue 1. In the affirmatiue Husbands loue your wiues 2. In the negatiue And be not bitter vnto them The maine dutie required on the mans part is Loue that which the Apostle euer inculcateth when he entreateth of the Husbands dutie The equitie whereof we may easily conceiue if wee shall but consider the precept of Loue and in what tearmes it runneth Thou art commanded therefore by God to Loue thy neighbour as thy selfe And what neerer neighbour then thy wife who is taken by thee into the societie and communion of thy whole liâ—e to be a perpetuall companion with thee at boord and in bed to dwell and abide with thee continually to conuerse with thee most inwardly yea as our Sauiour himselâ—e speaketh to be glewed vnto thee inseparably and that by Gods owne appointment and ordinance Againe thy neighbour thou art commanded to loue as thyseâ—fe But the Apostle goeth further and saith He that lâ—uâ—th his wife he loueth himselfe So that thâ— wife is thy selfe not as thy selfe onely Our flesh say the poore speaking of the rich is as their fâ—â—h and therefore a man should nâ—t saith the prophet turne his face from his owne flesh But here man and wife they make but one flesh this knot being once knit they are no more twaine but one flesh And no man saith the Apostle euer hated his owne flesh but loueth and cheerisheth it as Christ doth his Church What more naturall then for parents to loue the children that come of them What more equall then for children to loue their parents that bred and bare them But behold a neerer coniunction betweene married persons man and wife then betweene children and parents in regard whereof God saith that a man shall leaue the one yea if he cannot helpe both he shall neglect the one to adhere and cleaue to the other For this cause shall a man leaue father and mother too and shall cleaue to his wife and they shall be one flesh For childreÌ„ indeed are part of their parents because they come out of their bowels they are part of their flesh but seuered from them But man wife they are one flesh conioyned not seuered By originall creation as shee came of the man shee is part of his flesh flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone but seuered as it were now from him but by nuptiall coniunction being ioyned to him as his wife shee becommeth not onely part of his flesh as taken from him but one flesh conioyned with him For as bodie and head or flesh and soule make one man so man and wife make one flesh Againe children are said to be part of their parents but parents cannot bee said properly to bee part of their children But here reciprocally the wife is part of the husband and the husband is part of the wife both parts of the same flesh because both making but one flesh Parents are as a fountaine or the body of a riuer children as streames deriued from it and flowing apart Man and wife are as two springs meeting and so ioyning their streames that they make but one current and runne both in one channell that the water of the one and the other cannot be seuered Parents are as a stemme or a stocke children as grifts or slips taken from it and engraffed or planted else-where Man and wife are as those two branches in the Prophets hand enclosed in one barke so closing togither that they make but one peice the same fruit commeth of either If neerenesse of bond therefore be a good ground of loue there being such a neerenesse betweene man and wife as none betweene man and man can goe neerer it must needs binde the husband not onely to loue but to loue his wife with a loue aboue all other loue To make vse then of this point First if a man be thus to loue his wife then the wife is no lesse to loue her husband For Loue we say is Loues loade-stone and there is the like reason for either There is no action or affection so reciprocall as loue as betweene God and man so betweene man and man For example If God be angry with vs we are not to bee angry with him againe hee may haue iust cause to be angry with vs wee can haue no iust cause to bee angry with him If God hate vs yet wee ought not to hate him he may iustly hate vs we cannot iustly hate him if he shew mercy on vs we cannot shew mercy to him we stand in neede of his mercy he hath no neede of our mercy for he is subiect to no misery If he be good to vs we can not be good againe to him for all our goodnesse is nothing to him But God loueth vs and we are to loue him againe we stand bound to loue him though hee hate vs but are bound in a double bond to loue him when he loueth vs In like manner here if the husband be angry with the wife shee is not by and by to be hastie and angry againe with him if hee controle her shee is not therefore to controle him but he is to loue her and shee is likewise to loue him yea though he should hate her yet ought she to loue him for she may not faile in her duty because he faileth in his how much more when he loueth her is shee to loue him For loue requireth loue and loue must requite lâ—ue Yea therefore is shee to loue him the rather to drawe loue from him That which the Apostle also sometime expresseth though for the most part he presumeth it as the loue of parents to their children a thing grounded in nature as is also the other in regard whereof the Apostle Paul hath coupled them together Now as things often inculcated should make vs more ca refull so things taken for granted should make vs more fearefull As the husband therefore must f see to it that he loue his wife because he is so oft called vpon for it so the wife must take heede how she bee faultie and defectiue that way when God taketh it as graunted and therefore accounteth them as monsters in nature that are wanting in it as those that want bowels of loue toward their owne birth Secondly if a man be bound to loue his
wife in this sort then men must take heed how they match with those whom they cannot thus loue and affect whom they cannot thus linke their hearts and affections vnto For there is no affection freer then loue as there is nothing more forcible so nothing that can be lesse forced This is a fault in many who to satisfie friends or to aduance their estates or for some other worldly by-respects match in that manner and so cast themselues foolishly into a fearefull snare which they are neuer able after to wind themselues out of againe Men and women therefore are to be admonished here that they looke ere they leape and that they remember that one had neede to deliberate long and aduise well on that which but once can be determined to pause throughly vpon that that but once can be concluded that being once concluded concludeth them beeing once done cannot bee vndone againe And those that haue already ouershot themselues in this kind they must now striue euen to enforce their affections and craue grace at Gods hand whereby they may be enabled to bring themselues to that disposition that God now requireth of them In a word he that is free may frame his choise to his minde but he that hath chosen must frame his heart to his choise Before hee might conforme his actions to his affection now hee must endeuour to frame his affection to his action Thirdly If the husband must in this manner loue his wife then must hee draw home his affections from louing any other in that sort For if such a singularitie of loue be here required then it can be but one that in this sort is affected As wee reason well that there can not be two Gods because there cannot be two chiefe goods so here there ought not to be two wiues of two husbands because two can not haue the principalitie chiefety in our loue or rather because such loue as this is is or ought to be peculiar and proper to one But the branches and streames of loue are dispersed among many whereas the whole current of it runneth one way betweene twaine This may further be confirmed vnto vs By the law of nature God at the first tooke but one rib from the man and therefore he as wee said that first tooke two wiues is said to haue cut one rib into twaine He made of that one rib but one woman though he had spirit enough to haue made more he brought but one wife Eue to Adam he reserued each man but one in the flood And therfore Let euery man saith the Apostle haue his owne peculiar wife and each woman e her husband By the analogie of faith My beloued is but one saith Christ in the Canticles Though naturally many and of many sorts yet they make but one seede they are mystically all one in him The wife is to her husband as the Church is to Christ Christ hath but one Church and hee must haue but one wife Choose whither Adam thou wilâ— to imitate saith one of the ancients the old or the new the one had buâ— one wife the other hath but one Church The married man therefore is to take heede not onely of imbracing the bosome of a stranger but of admitting or giuing way now to any raunging affections He must know that that which was lawfull for him before is now no more lawfull Not that any sinfull act or desire was euer lawfull but that such desire was not sinfull in thee then as is sinfull in thee now because it is by God now determined and restrained to an obiect Fourthly let the husband take heede of being faultie in this dutie of loue in this inward and entire affection toward his wife which the Apostle of Christ and by him the Spirit of God in so speciall manner requireth and exacteth of him Some duties there are though generally required of all yet in more speciall sort of some and so this dutie of loue of all in generall but of married persons more specially who are therefore more faultie if therein they faile Yea such therefore must take heede not onely of ceasing simply to loue but of leauing their first loue of suffring theiâ— Loue to grow luke-warme not key cold onely that was seruent at the first Howsoeuer as complements abate betweene friend and friend the more familiar they grow so some kinde of daliance betweene new married folkes may after be lesse vsuall yet their loue is to be no lesse rather to encrease then decrease as wee see it is in parents towards children who the longer they haue them the more they affect them and the loather they are to leaue and forgoe them though it may be they are not so fond on them as at first And heere the better to further the practise of this duty it shall not bee amisse taking the same course we did in the former to lay downe some particular effects and fruites of this loue The first is Cohabitation liuing and dwelling peaceably and quietly together Friends we know loue to be oft together and are loath to be sundred Loue as it lincketh in heart so it longeth after the bodily presence of them whom the heart is thereby lincked vnto And it is a sweete sight saith the Psalmist to see brethren dwell together in one how much more man and wife They make but one body and it is against nature for one body to bee in two places at once For the man is the head the woman is as the body for head and body to be sundered it is present death vnto either Not that a man may not be absent yea and long absent too sometime from his wife vpon necessary occasions but that there bee no giuing of way to vnnecessary And surely where loue is there griefe will be that occasions of long or oft absence should be offered And where griefe is that such occasions though necessary should be offered there will be no taking of occasions but such as are necessarily offered Where commeth to bee taxed the foolish and preposterous course that is taken by diuers parents who match their sonnes young to wiues and then send them a trauailing so that they part as soone as they meete ere their affections be wel fastened and so oft either returne with them estranged on their part or at returne finde them estranged on the the other part while their absence hath made way for some strangers enticement As also the practise of those commeth here iustly to be condemned who after marriage vpon euery light iarre or discontent are ready by and by to sequester themselues either from other to breake vp house and part families and so to liue apart Take heede Oh man how thou leauest the wife of thy youth and breakest a bond
knit by thy God take heede O woman how thou forsakest the guide of thy youth and forgettest the couenâ—nt of thy God Yea but will some say her behauâ—our is such as can not be endured And we may serue God asunder better then wee can being togither I am the quiete in my conscience the further I am from her To this I answer First with the Apostle Art thou married seeke not to bee loosed abide in the calling God hath called thee in Thou must keepe thy station that God hath placed thee in as the souldiour must keepe the place that his generall hath assigned him though it prooue an hot piece of seruice yea though he thinke he might do more good else-where It is but the diuell turning himselfe into an Angel of light that perswadeth thee in this sort For if cohabitation be of God then the contrary vnto it separation is of Satan He that forbiddeth thee to leaue an infidel an idoâ—ater as long as she is willing to liue with thee and keepeth her selfe loyall to thee whom will he licence thee to leaue Secondly I answer further with the Apostle and so come to the second dutie of Loue the Concealing and couering of the wiues infirmities and bearing patiently with them Loue is long-suffring and Loue couereth much more feruent loue a multitude of offences There is no man or woman without infirmities as no life without troubles And this is one special act exercise of loue to loue those that we beare and to beare with those that we loue to seeke to couer and conceale their infirmities though they be many remembring with all that God hath called vs as to peace in Christ so to patience in the world and to the exercise of patience which therefore in these cases men must earnestly craue Where they are also to be taxed that are so farre from couering concealing the infirmities of their wiues that they delight in nothing more then in blasing them abroad and that euen to strangers Had they some loathsome soare about their owne body they would be loath to disclose it vnlesse it were to some speciall friend for aduice or to the Surgion for helpe and surely as loath would they be to disclose their wiues infirmities did they esteeme them as their own flesh or if as loue requires they should they held their wiues reputation as deere to them as their owne and they were as tender of her credite as they are of their owne Now further if morall defaults must not diminish loue much lesse naturall defects If children be sickâ—y we are the more tender ouer them if any part of the body be euil-affected we are the more charie ouer it Neither is the weakely wife therefore the lesse to be regarded but the rather to be tendred tenderly entreated in regard of her weakenes as the more britle a Venice glasse is the more gingerly we handle it and the more tender-edged a knife is the more chariâ—y we vse it Iacob may not forbeare Leahs company because she is bleâ—re-eyed neither must Elkana loue Hanna the lesse because she is barren and beareth not neither loued he Rachel lesse when shee grew aged was now decaied with yeeres and broken with beaâ—ing then he did when she was fresh at first no more then he lesse affected the last childe she bare then the first Which condemneth their practise that cast of the wife of their youth when she growes aged or diseased are content to enioy the floure of their fresh yeeres but as fauour freshnes decaieth in them by age or disease so abateth their fauour and loue toward them withal Such loue shewes it self to haue bin neuer well grounded For had it beene grounded on conference of Gods ordinance and their owne couenant not vpon naturall worldly or fleshly respects it would continue as Gods ordinance and their couenant continueth and not cease or abate as such by-respects faile The third dutie of Loue is mutuall Concord and agreement and to this purpose a condescending to the wife in things equall and fit The Husband must not think that because h the wife is to submit her will to his will therefore he is not to regard her pleasure and contentment he may say That that liketh me must content her and there is an end For thy wife is not with thee as a seruant or a slaue but as a companion as a yoake-fellow standing on euen ground with thee though drawing on the least side A master may well make his businesse be done after his owne minde not regarding his seruants pleasure because it is his owne busines not his seruantâ— But it is not so with thy wife thou art to regard her pleasure as well as thine owne will because the businesse is as wel hers as thine And surely as Loue seeketh the things of others as well as a mâ—ns owne yea oft before a mans own it seeketh an other mans gaine with a mans owne losse so it will make a man regard the will and pleasure contentment of another as wel as his owne yea preferre it sometime euen before his owne And vndoubtedly if thou louest thy wife accountest her one flesh with thee the same with thy selfe her pleasure wâ—ll be thy pleasure her contentment will be thy contentment thou wilt to account it there will be no true contentment to thee while thou perceiuest discontentment in her and therefore wilt not needlesly crosse her to cause discontentment to her The fourth dutie of Loue is that which the Apostle here expresseth in the negatiue and we haue put of to this place the â—aâ—nishing of all Bitternes And surely if all bitternes must be abandoned put away among Christians much more among Christian man wife Let all bitternes and strife and wrath â—l mor euill language be put away from you saith the Apostle If no roote of gall bitternes must be endured among Christians in the Church that is the house of God no more between man and wife in the house or family that is to be as a Church of God And therfore among the heathn the gall of the sacrifice that was slaine offred at weddings was throwen out at doores therby to signifie that the maried folks should be either to other as Doues without gal And surely if among Christian men All things must be done in Loue much more must aâ—l things be done in Loue much Loue betweene Christian man and wife that are tyed by a double yea by a triple band of loue either to other a naturall band as neighbours and nigh in nature a spirituall bond as fellow-members of the mysticall body of Christ Iesus and a ciuill but yet an holy and honourable bond as one