consider of before Marriage namely the duties that both Husband and Wife do owe unto their Family in relation to both Children and Servants Which because most of these duties concerne both Husband and VVife we shall endeavour to handle them together for brevities sake yet make some distinction that they may both take notice of their duties where distinction is to be made The first duty that both Husband and VVife do owe unto their Family The first duty of Governours to thâ—ir Family is to Catechise and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God and feare of his Name This duty doth chiefly belong to the Husband yet in his absence it doth properly concerne his wife likewise Now the Great God doth not only enjoyne this duty upon the Children of Israel but doth much inculcate the same Deut. 4 6. Take heed to thy selfe diligently lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seene and lest they depart from thy heart all the daies of thy life but thou shalt teach them thy Sons and thy Sons Sons Then againe Deut. 6. 6.7 These words which I command thee this day shall be in thy heart and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy Children c. Yet further Deut. 11.19 Ye shall lay up these my words in your hearts and in your soules and bind them for a signe upon your hands that they may be as frontlets between your eyes and ye shall teach them your Children c. The Apostle requires the same duty of Parents Eph. 6.4 Ye Parents provoke not your Children to wrath but bring them up in instruction and information of the Lord. Solomon exhorts us to the same duty Prov. 22 6. Traine up a Child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it Now in Scripture you shall find this duty of teaching and instructing Children and Servants was frequently performed by the godly first see it in the practice of Abraham Gen. 18.19 Further view it in the resolution of Joshuah Josh 24 15 Also in the care of David both in 1 Chron. 28.9 and in Psal 34.11 And can we conceive that Corâ—elâ—us did neglect this duty who feared God with all his houshold Acts 10.2 Or that any of those holy men did omit this duty whose houses were Churches Rom. 16. â— Col. 4.15 Phil. 2. If we should so think we give ground enough for others to conclude we are very uncharitable Besides if the judgement of Ancient and Moderne Divines in relation to this truth be of force with you to confirme you herein you must then be satisfied that it is the duty of Parents and Governours of Families to take much paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants to feare and serve the Lord Or else what meane all their Orthodoxe forms of Catechisme to yield help to consciencious Christians in the discharge of this duty of which there be many extant blessed be the Lord have been in ages past Doubtless you must be convinced that it is your duty only if you know these things blessed are you if you do them The second duâ—â— of Goverâ—â—urs of 〈◊〉 â—s Joh. 13.17 The second duty that both man and wife do owe unto their Children and Servants is to pray with them and for them Ye have seen but now that Parents must take paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God But what successe can there be expected as the blessed fruit of such a duty without prayer with and for them Paul may plant and Apollos may water but God giveth the encrease 1 Cor. 3.6 But this encrease must be humbly sought of God by Prayer There is a spirit of Indotionablenesse in all by nature but it doth abound many times in some Children and Servants I will instruct and teach thee saith David in the way thou shalt go I will guid thee with mine eye Psal 32.8 Then instantly adds in the very next verse Be ye not as the horse or Mule which have no understanding c. There is a great deale of ignorance and blockish stupidity in all sorts of persons and therefore in Children and Servants which none but God can take away it was God that opened the heart of Lydia that she attended to the things that were spoken of Paul Acts 16.14 Therefore there is great need to pray unto God to take away all obstacles that may obstruct the edification of thy Family in saving knowledge and Grace or else thou maiest have small hopes of doing them any good by all thy other paines in the discharging thy duties Mind the imprecation of Jeremy Poure out thy wrath saith he upon the Heathen and upon the Families that call not on thy Name Jer. 10.25 Holy Job was very conscientious in this duty of prayer for his Job 1.15 He offereth burnt Offerings to God in relation to his Sons and Daughters with which duty the Learned do conclude he offered Prayer and of that there can be no doubt because when he offered burnt Offerings for his three Friends he also prayed for them Job 42.7 8 10. David he praies for Solomon 1 Chron. 29.19 And can any with reason conclude that he did not pray for his other Children upon all Occasions A very grosse absurdity it were so to do Certainly we may desist from further prosecution of this point as to Information that it is the duty of Parents to pray with and for their Children and Servants because all men will confesse it but for their neglect of it we shall by the help of God in due place labour to meet with them by just reproofe But for such as are godly Children and Servants who take notice of the extreame remissenesse of their Parents and Masters in performing this demonstrating evidently that they are Christians by praying for them I exhort that they would themselves go to God in secret to beg of him to open the eyes of such Governours to see with godly sorrow this their abominable sin and to give them grace to reforme it lest such Governour of Families sinke into the bottomlesse pit oâ— hell for it to all Eternity The third duty of Governours of Families In the third place it is the duty of Parenâ— and Governours of Families to labour to waâ— before their Children and Servants in all holy and religious waies and to be very circumspect herein We have taken some notice that it is the duty of such Governours to teach those that are under their government the knowledge of God and to informe them in the waies of his feare Now if this be done only by precept and not by example there is small hope of doing them any good for a man may teach his Child or Servant the way to heaven by Precept and the way to hell by bad example the leaders of this people cause them to â—erre and they that are led of them are destroyed saith the Prophet Isa
yet dare sit down in his place A second spirituall gift c. A second spirituall gift necessary for the governing a Family is Wisdome for Wisdome and Knowledge are two distinct gifts or graces for a man may have Knowledge 2 Chr. 1.10 and yet want Wisdome Solomon praies to the Lord to give him Wisdome and Knowledge Wisdome he mentions in the first place to go out and come in before that great People that is to walke wisely before them and that he might be able to governe them and to teach them I will walke wisely saith David in the midst of my house Psa 101.2 A man must have Wisdome to walke before his Wife and Family in giving good Examples unto them that they seeing his wise and Christian carriage in every thing may be provoked to follow him he must likewise have Wisdome that he may be able to incourage them that do well in well-doing and to reprove them that do ill he must have Wisdome to moderate his love his anger and all his passions toward all that are under him Thus you see what great need there is also of Wisdome in such men as have the government of others committed to them The third spirituall gift The third spirituall gift which Governors must labour after is patience There must be a patient bearing with Infirmities and great forbearing when they are not enormities and especially when the party is easily convinced and reformed Paul propounds his long-suffering charity and patience to Timothy in 2 Tim. 3.10 for him to imitate and practice toward them that God had set him over Saint James would have Patience have her perfect worke James 1.4 the grace of Patience is necessary for a Christian in the generall course of his life Therefore for domestique Government too Impatience is a Gangrene which eates out the heart and vitals of Love a man much more a Christian must not give sharpe words much less fall to blows for every triviall offence for that will discourage especially young people and dull their spirits it will sometimes be a mans discretion to look but with halfe an eye upon a fault yet he may give a loving admonition which will be sufficient where good natures are especially to be found whatever is the duty of a Bishop in relation to houshold government is undoubtedly the duty of every Christian as the Master of a Family and such a one must not be a brawler but patient 1 Tim. 3.3 The fourth and last spirituall gift The fourth spirituall gift which Governors must labour for is Humility which gift or grace I dare not lay down as an essentiall qualification for one impowr'd over other but only as a very necessary concomitant to such a person to help him against vain-glory pride and abuse of his place to sin and so to his own hurt for there is a time saith Solomon Eccles 8.9 that one man ruleth over another to his own hurt Rehoboam his roughnesse and Imperious carriage toward those over whom by right of Succession he was to rule as their King made the Major part of them to revolt and cast off their due subjection to the losse of his own Honour and their extreame prejudice both of soul and body 2 Chro. 10.6 8 13 16 17. Yet though it be very necessary that a person elevated to a place of Government over others should be humble and that for the premised considerations This doth not tye up the genius of a man in power that he may not upon some occasion and in his carriage to some persons behave himselfe with much gravity and reservednesse yea and with some kind of Majesty too to preserve his perâ—on and place from contempt and scorne and from disesteeme from Children and Servants â—or some such Children and Servants there are that if they can espâ—e cut in their Parents and Masters a spirit of Pussâ—lanimity they will trample all their Commands and the Authority it selfe by which they command under their swinish feet which a wise Governour will labour to prevent by shunning the occasions of it Thus we have done with discussing the three essentiall gifts and the fourth which hath been handled with Caution being a very necessary one all which do or may concerne every man intending the marriage estate and therefore he must before-hand labour to have the knowledge of them which are as you have seen first Knowledge secondly Wisdome thirdly Patience and lastly Humility And so we proceed to the consideration of the second qualication fitting for the Marriage condition The second qualification considerable on the first head The second qualification to be considered of before-hand is fitnesse of Age None can be thought fit for Marriage in None-age there must be Maturity and ripenesse-both in body and minde for that Estate or else the entrance into it is unlawfull The gifts of mind before mentioned cannot be expected in Youths and Children There cannot be prudence to mannage a Calling to bring maintenance in by it such such cannot be profitable in Church not Common wealth Yea Nature doth teach us that there is a deficiency in all persons untill they be come to some reasonable Age to performe some duties that the Marriage condition requires Juda gave Tamar a faire Account why at present he would not give Shelah to her in the Marriage-bed Which was because he was not growne but it was his sin that he did it not when he was fit for that condition Gen. 38.11 Isaac was forty yeares old when he marries Rebeccah Gen. 25.20 But in this Age of the World it is not convenient to stay so long before change of our conditions for few that so do do enjoy that great blessing of living to see their Children to be grown to some maturity setled in some good Calling and bestowed in Marriage much lesse to see their Childrens Children which is a blessing God promiseth to his people Psal 128.6 Yet it is undeniable that there must be as we said a ripenesse of Age before Marriage But we proceed no further in this particular in this place because we shall have an occasion to fall upon it againe in another The third and last qualification The third qualification fitting for Marriage from the first head or consideration before Marriage is to see a fitnesse in Estate for such a condition of life The Marriage estate brings with it great Charge and Expence therefore before this fall upon a man he had need to see some probable waies and meanes to carry him thorough all A man will not take a chargeable journey but he will put mony in his purse to supply his necessities unlesse hee know he shall meet with supplies by the way so in this case a discreet Christian will not Marry untill he can comfortably conclude that his present or future meanes will be sufficient to keep him from poverty pinching poverty and destruction and from lying as a burthen on others that place in Rom.
are not only members of the visible but of the Invisible Church of Christ and that they may do this remember that I said they must feare the Lord themselves and they must have a â—ively faith or else all the faith and holinesse of their Parents at a further or nearer distance will stand them in no stead in relation to spirituall advantages But as for outward blessings â—ll the Children of the faithfull may have the greater portion of them for their faithfull Parents sake on both sides I say on the Mothers side as well as on the Fathers I have been young saith David but now am old yet never saw the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread Psal 3.7.25 Then in the 26 ver He is ever mercifull and lendeth and his seed is blessed Againe if thy wife be of the seed of the faithfull then both she and her Children are interested into the benefit of their Fore fathers prayers we meane in this place only for outward things Abraham praies unto God for Ishmael Oh saith he that Ishmael might live in thy sight Gen 17.18 Then in the 20. v. God answereth him As for Ishmael saith God I have heard thee Behold I have blessed him and will make him fruitfull twelve Princes shall he beget and I will make him a great Nation Beloved you may here note That not only Ismael himselfe shall have the benefit of Abrahams prayers but his seed also for they should be Princes and indeed a great Nation and yet they were Abrahams seed only according to the flesh but had they been his spirituall seed too these mercies might have been sanctified to them and so made the greater Indeed the Prayers of the righteous availe much Jam. 5.16 Lastly as thou desirest to have comfort in thy Wives kindred thou must labour to chuse her as one springing from the stock of the faithfull for as thou dost marry her to be thy wife so thou dost marry her kindred as I may say to be thy kindred And what comfort canst thou have when thou art of a Heavenly frame of spirit thy selfe to have society and communion with a carnall and irreligious kindred Surely but little So much also for this fift particular The sixth qualification which is necessary to be look'd after in the choise of a Wife is The sixth qualificatiâ—n c. â— a competent outward Estate And herein I might save my labour to put this down for a direction to some for it is the first thing nay the all in all their hearts are affected with except the Amorous reflectings of their wanton eyes on some paint and Features in the Face and compleatnesse of person meerly to satisfie their wanton fleshly and sensuall appetites which in this kind is unlawfull though otherwise commendable as before discussed I would have every man in a due place and with some moderation of his exorbitant affections not only look after but labour for a convenient portion with his wife in Marriage and that as he desires her to be a meet helper And first because the things of this life are the good Creatures of God they are blessings nay singular blessings when sanctified to us of speciall use to us whilest we are in this our Pilgrimage to carry us through the world without distractions and worldly encumbrances that we may with the more enlargednesse of heart walke with our God in a holy Conversation and that with cheerefulnesse Only we had need take great heed we trust not in uncertaine Riches but in the living God 1 Tim. 6 17. and that if Riches encrease we set not our hearts upon them Psal 62.10 I say we have need to prevent these evils because all blessings both spirituall and temporall are sanctified to us but in part Againe in the second place it is lawfull for a man to mind a portion with his Wife because it is the duty of Parents to lay up portions for to give portions to their Children 2 Cor. 12.14 The Apostle laies it down positively that it is the duty of Parents to lay up for their Children though he apply the same in a spirituall sense Job gave his Daughters Inheritance among their Brethren Job 42.15 Elkanab gives unto his Sons and Daughters Portions 1 Sam. 1.4 When Galeb bestows his Daughter in Marriage to Othniel he gave him a portion with her over a Southland and after on her demand the upper and nether springs Judg. 1.13.15 In the third and last place a man may looke at portion with a wife because he cannot live at so low a rate when he is married as he could when he was a single man and his wife doth encrease or help to encrease this his Charge therefore there is all the reason in the world she should bring some additionall maintenance For Money answereth all things saith Solomon Eccl. 10.19 We have a Proverbe that Money will keep love warme I must confesse that it may be true thus that as Money answereth all things as Solomon hath before said so it takes away all distractions and perturbations from the spirit and so leaves a man free with the greater torrent of love to run into the bosome of his wife and in a Reciprocall way to receive the like from her again But Beloved I beseech thee beware of wedding a purse of Money I have acquainted thee with the casualties and dangers that may overtake those that make wealth the Object of their love And let me tell thee whoever thou art that art Muck-warme thou maiest feare that all the happinesse thou wilt meet with in thy choise of a Wife will be confin'd in a purse or in a bag of trash for so is the gold of Ophir in comparison of a vertuous wife nay her price is farre above riches Pro. 31.10 Therefore if God hath lent thee a sufficient outward Estate to carry the charge of Marriage about withall then though it may be lawfull for thee to look at some portion with a yoke-fellow and thou maiest thankefully receive what God hath provided for thee yet if the portion be but small nay if none at all but spirituall vertues even the riches of the mind let in such a case the thoughts of riches pass and accept of the woman with her inward treasure and as Mordecai said unto Hoster in another case Who knoweth whether thou art come to the Kingdome for such a time as this Hos 4.14 So I say unto thee who knoweth but that God hath given thee thy wealth for such a time as this even to enlarge the outward comfortable living of such a precious woman who spiritually doth live in the bosome of Jesus Christ We shall desist from further prosecution of this sixth qualification The seventh qualification in a woman and proceed to the next The seventh qualification or necessary engredient to make a woman a meet helper is frugality or good Housewifery and this doth in a fit place succeed the last foregoing qualification
9 16. It is to no â—nd to teach the first way if ye neglect the second or at least to little purpose The Scribes and Pharisees saith Christ sit in Moses chaire whatsoever they bid you observe that observe and do but after their doings do not for they say and do not Mat. 23.2 3. So if Parents c. â—e like them in teaching and in practice too well they may lead them to sin by their examples but if they lead them to good it will be very rare for the evill examples of Superiours are of great force to lead the Inferiours â—nto vile waies and this daily experience will â—eare witnesse to If Parents and Masters be given over to swearing Blaspheming lying â—runkenness uncleannesse hating of God his waies and people or to any other sin of such â—ves many times are their Children and Serâ—ants for of this take speciall notice that evill â—xamples are of a far more drawing nature for Imitation than good are hopefull for Reformation You that are Governours if you tread in filth but over shooes may occasion those that are under you to wade over their boot tops They that pervert soules in any kind may make them that are under their charge seven fold more the children of hell than themselves Good men are easily misled by bad examples Peter gives a bad example Gal. 2.11 12. then in ver 13. the Jewes and Barnabas are corrupted by it Now if such men may be so abused by bad examples there is much more cause of feare of those who deserve no good repute The fourth duty of Governours of Families Now in the fourth and last place it is the duty of Parents and Masters to their Children and Servants to labour to restraine them from walking in scandalous and evill waies and this to do betimes for since the fall of Adam there is in all his posterity such a cursed depravity that there remaines no principles of good in them to further the soule in gracious waies the mind is stuft with ignorance the will is perverse and all the Affections are out of order Now the will is the chiefe Agitator of all evillâ— and opposer of good the will should be guided by a rectified understanding but it rebels against it or else how comes it to passe that a man is violently carried to sin against conscience and against an inlightened judgement as it is often seen yet this is a truth that so far forth as the will is regenerate it desires to walke closely with God and not tâ— deviate from his Commandements and thâ— is the Will our Saviour speakes of that was in his Disciples when they were with him in the time of his Agony though he spake more particularly to Peter The spirit is willing or ready but the flesh is weake Mat. 26.41 And of this Will the Apostle speakes of Rom. 7.18 To will is present with me but this is not the will we speake of there must be no restrictions laid on this but we must rather labour after maintaining the liberty of it but it is the perverse wils of Children and Servants that their Superiours must labour to check and bridle A child set at liberty maketh his mother ashamed Prov. 29.15 But it may be here demanded What meanes must be used by Superiours to restraine Inferiours from walking in scandalous waies And for curbing the perverse wils of such as God hath set under them to be governed by them I answer First loving Admonitions and sweet endeavours to convince them of their evill waies only this I must premise that what course is to be taken with Church Members upon their uneven walking must in some particulars of them be taken with Domestique Members The Apostle speakes to the believing Romans of his confidence of their abilities to admonish one another Rom. 15.14 And can we conceive that they did not improve those abilities upon occasions when Brethren did offend Sure we cannot Now this way of admonition God himselfe takes with Cain Gen. 4.7 And Jesus Christ in Mat. 18.15 prescribes this ruleâ— very full is the Apostle in 1 Thes 5.14 Now we exhort you Brethren warne them that are unruly be patient towards all men So in 2 Tim. 2.25 In meeknesse instructing those that oppose themselves if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledgement of the truth and that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the Devill Now when thou dost thus admonish the offender or offenders under thy charge tell him or them that by such courses they sin against God where lay down Scripture proofe that they may be convinced Secondly that they sin against their own souls Thirdly That they do provoke God to execute upon them all judgements spirituall temporal and eternall and in these two last particulars labour to amaze them with terrour and dread But if this gentle meanes will not prevaile with them thou must sharpely reprove them that they may be sound in the faith Tit. 1.15 And this sharpnesse may be included in that phrase in Jud. 23. pulling them out of the fire So Lev. 19.17 Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart but thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy Neighbour and not suffer sin upon him But if this meanes also produce no amendment then in the last place thou must make use of the ordinance of Correction For foolishnesse is bound up in the heart of a Child but the rod of correction will drive it away Prov. 22 15. And it may so be too that a servant will not be corrected with words Prov. 29.19 And yet certainly God would have them reformed too But take notice of this also that the procrastination or putting off of Correction of your Children will but fit them to be incorrigible the bowing trees whilst they are young is a similitude often on this occasion made use of but too seldome practised Prov. 13.24 He that spareth his Rod hateth his Son but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes Prov. 23.23 24. With-hold not Correction from the Child for if thou beat him with the Rod he shall not dye thou shalt beat him with the Rod and shalt deliver his soul from hell But in making use of this Ordinance of Correction whether of Children or Servants observe with care these three things First a fit time Secondly that your ends be good and lastly that it be in a right manner First for a fit time which time is when the heat of Passion is over for we must be just in the measure of Correction which we cannot be if Passion have command Passion may provoke us to play the Tyrants and to make the party corrected despised in our eyes Deut. 25.3 And that will dishearten and deject them In the second place propose a right end in correcting any under your charge you must not give correction to manifest your Authority or to be Revenged on them for crossing you but sincerely to kill sinne in them to subdue
not worse is thy language I am certaine that by this meanes thou commest within the lists of that woe Isa 5.20 Woe unto them who call evill good and good evill c. Thou condemnest Gods waies and justifiest thy own waies Let men walke in the waies â—o get wealth or pleasure or carnall profit or worldly honour or run apace in the high road â—o hell These ungodly persons before spoken of will not dishearten them but rather encourage them by keeping company with them but let any men or women whose hearts God hath warmed with zeale for his glory and tender love to such poore soules as are under them let them but lend them a little finger to guide them or but a small sparke of light to conduct them by in the way to heaven then they are in their Bedlam-fits not knowing how to contain themselves within the bounds of civility But these men have either never learned or soon forgotten that place of our Saviour The Kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force Mat. 11.12 and other places Luk. 13.24 Heb. 12.14 Luk. 11.52 Such opposite spirited men and women as these will by no meanes endure that any Child or Friend of theirs shall come within the wals of a godly Family to live in for feare they should become Puritans as they call them but to conclude this Point or Use let me tell them that without abundance of repentance for and reformation of this sin they shall have as large a share if not more of those inconceivable miseries which are imperfectly mentioned in the use of reproofe and terrour as the portion of such as do any way neglect the performance of those duties they owe unto Children and Servants and it may be they shall have a larger share than the others because for ought can be known such scoffing Ishmaels as these have been a special cause of hindring many from the performance of their duties to their Family-relations which otherwise would have set themselves to the discharge of those duties The use in the last place may be for exhortation Use 4 to stir up Christian Parents and Masters First to labour to be well acquainted with those duties which they owe unto their Children and Servants And then to set themselves with much diligence paines and care to the performance of them The duties have been laid down and fully demonstrated from divers Scriptures there hath been some Illustrations and Amplifications of them and divers undeniable reasons to urge the performance of them Now what shall I say This paines as in order to thee is lost if thou sit still and come not forth to the performance of them When David had made a large preparation for building the House of God in Jerusalem having got together abundance of materials for that Magnificent Worke what saith he to his Son Solomon Arise saith he therefore and be doing and the Lord be with thee 1 Chro. 22.16 Now if without offence I might allude to to this I may say I have endeavoured as God hath graciously enabled me to prepare in some poore measure some materials to help thee to â—uild God a temple or Church in his own Family unto which I desire thou maiest adde in thy retired Meditations Now I also say to thee arise and be doing and the Lord be with â—hee Thou wilt say thou art a poore weake creature thy knowledge is little and thy parts â—re small let me advise thee to gaine good formes of Catechisme be studious in them be diligent to improve them for the good of all under thee by this meanes if thou be consciencious indeed and seeke to approve thy selfe to God in thy discharge of these duties and abundantly desirest to yield furtherance to the soules of thy Wife Children and Servants By this meanes I say thou shalt find that in teaching others thy owne knowledge shall encrease and thou hast a promise from the mouth of Christ for this that to him that hath more shall be given and he shall have in abundance Mat 13.12 We have a good proverbe applicable here that is Use legs and have legs and thou saiest thy parts are weake if thou canst not pray with thy Family but in a very weake manner then I say pray to God to teach thee to pray pray in secret for both the spirit and gift of prayer that thou maiest be able to Performe it in thy Family but beware thou set not too high a rate on the gift of prayer for it often goes alone without the Spirit thou wert better of the two have the Spirit of Prayer than the gift but both together doth best especially in relation to edifying others Simon Magus desired to purchase a power to give the Holy Ghost to whom he pleased his ends were base as well as his tender vile he did aime as good Divines thinke at popular applause besides a cursed gaine Truly I much feare popular applause and vaine ostentation is too too much the aime of some in our Times where I see a gift of prayer yea and of preaching too and a spirit of predominant pride I must take the liberty to think of such a man as I do apprehend cleare ground for This last passage I do insert for this end principally to take off the inordinate affections of any poore soule from the gift of prayer sincerity in all thy walkings with God will comfort thee in the midst of all defects and what knowest thou deare Christian but God will joine his strength with thy weaknesse and make thee an instrument of begetting soules to God as well as bodies and so make thee in a sense a spirituall Father as well as a bodily and enable thee at the last day to say to God Behold here am I and the Children whom thou hast given me where we may allude to that which the Apostle applies and makes proper to Christ Heb. 2.13 Now in the last place for it deserves no other by thy religious care to further thy Children and Servants in the waies of God thou maiest make such Children and Servants very profitable to thee in outward respects Paul takes notice that Onesimus was no profitable servant to his Master when he was gracelesse but after he was converted he tels Philemon that now he was profitable Phil. 11. There is much crying out in the world and not without cause against stubborne disobedient and undutifull Children and against refractory and unprofitable Servants But may not the neglect of Parents and Masters about making their Children in the use of meanes Gods Children and their Servants by the foresaid meanes the servants of God may not I say this be a speciall cause of all this confusion doubtlesse yea for it is just with God that when thou wilt not make thy Children and Servants to answer Gods ends at least so far as possible thou maiest that thy owne should be wholly frustrate Thus much for the uses Beloved be pleased to
remember that we have urged Parents and Masters to the performance of divers duties both to Children and Servants jointly together but that those duties did relate to the good of their soules only but now there remaine some duties relating to their outward good and because some of them have reference to Children particularly in which Servants can make no claime And some others do belong to Servants but I cannot say peculiarly because Children have an interest in them we shall therefore endeavour to advance toward the handling of them likewise leaning on God for assistance In order whereunto we shall labour to give Children the precedency for Grace and Nature doth teach the same The 1 duty of Parents to their Children in outward respects The first duty which Parents owe unto their Children in relation to their outward Estate is to further them in the meanes for their attaining of a competent measure of Learning for such condition and state of life as God shall call them to whether in Church or Common-wealth An illiterate man can receive no content in himselfe neither can he be profitable to others a man without learning is like a man who hath but halfe an eye he seeth divers things but in a confused and rude forme even men walking like trees like him in the Gospell Mar. 8.24 but he that hath good eies discernes things in a transparent way to the great satisfaction of his mind so a man without Learning sees things that have much beauty in themselves but to him they are cloathed and shadowed in darke and black colours he sees nothing but an outside whereas he who hath Learning seeth through and through them as we say he hath a distinguishing knowledge of them he can anatomize them and dive into the nature of them he can gaine by every Creature and squeeze out the quintiscence and benefit of every Calling he can improve all times all changes and all things to his advantage Secondly a man without learning cannot be profitable to others such a man is like a stone that is digg'd out of the quarrey and not squared nor any way fitted for the building fit for nothing but to be laid by and over-look'd or to use in common imployment no way qualified for publique service but a man of Learning is like a stone squared polished and carved that is very usefull for the choicest building such a man especially if he be of good life is principled and in a choice capacity for the highest imployments in Church and State take a few instances what Moses was for learning see Acts 7.22 And what he was in publike service the Scriptures will demonstrate for under God he was the most eminent deliverer of the Church from a state of bondage and slavery that any Age since the Creation can produce and therefore is said to be King in Jesurun when the heads of the people and Tribes of Israel were gathered together Deut. 33.5 It is said of Daniel and the other three Children that God gave them knowledge and skill in all Learning Dan. 1.17 Then in vers 19. they were preferred to stand before the King and in Chap. 2 48 49. they were put into the highest places for command in the whol Province of Babylon So Paul of all the Apostles was the most learned man being brought up at the feet of Gamaliel which was a place of learning Acts 22.3 And all men know he was the most eminent amongst them for parts and paines and himselfe doth modestly confesse that he was not a whit behind the very chiefest Apostles 2 Cor. 11.5 and for paines he did outstrip them all for he wrote more Epistles to the Churches than all the other and shewed more Rhetorick in that short Epistle of his to Philemon than you shall meet with in large Volumes Truly he had greater gifts then they who boast of the spirit but what spirit they are led by is not hard to guesse at and yet he prizeth his books as well as his Parchments which Parchments were as some conceive some sermon Notes 2 Tim. 4.13 But if it be objected that it is not of necessity to give Children more learning then the Calling which they are like to be put into doth require nor secondly to give them more learning than their Parents estate can beare I answer it is true there is no necessity for Children to have much Learning to help them in managing some meane and common Callings but it is necessary in any Calling to be able to read in their mother-tongue as we say and to write to but had they more it would be no burden to them it might fit them for society and choice discourse with those of higher breeding than themselves for in persons of the greatest parts there would be some condescention to those lesse parted And also true it is Parents are not tyed to ruine themselves nor any of their Children to breed up others great Schollers And yet I could heartily wish that Parents would strive to give their Children good breeding this way though it should be their greatest outward portions I have been the larger in this particular because it may be observed frequently that there are some who are very rich men but yet so glew'd to their cursed earthly-mindednesse that they will spare nothing or very little to give their Children learning they may leave them good estates whereby they may wear good cloathes but all that know them may point at them and say they are the arrantest clownes and meanest bred fellows in or neare the places where they dwell It was falsely said of Paul that much learning did make him mad Act 126.24 But it may be truly said that such persons as we speake of for want of Learning they are the unusefullest persons of any to be Instrumentall for the good of Church or Common-wealth and their Parents deserve the least respect of all others in the places where they live And therefore thou who art a Parent mind it that it is thy duty in a speciall manner to thy Children to vouchsafe them the meanes of Learning and be carefull to discharge thy duty herein The second duty Parents owe unto their Children for their outward estate Secondly it is the duty of Parents to provide for their Children some honest Callings either in Church or Common-wealth wherein they may both do and receive good that by them God may have glory and others benefit and themselves comfort for all persons of what quality or condition soever must eate their bread in the sweat of their own brows for this is the Ordinance of God himselfe and so indispensable with Gen. 3.19 Yet this must be granted that there is the labour of the mind as well as the labour of the body and such as labour with the head and heart may be as truly said to eat their bread in the sweat of their faces as they that strike many a heavy blow or groan under many a
ponderous burden so that one way or other every one must be exercised in a lawfull Calling David was a Shepheard to look to Sheep before the shepheard over the house of Israel Psal 78.70.71 Peter and Andrew and other of the Apostles were fishermen Mark 1.16.19 before fishers of men Paul was a Tent-maker Acts 18.1 2 3. Joseph the husband of Mary was a Carpenter Mat. 13.54 55. And it is somewhat probable that our Saviour himself before he entred into his Ministeriall Office did work at his Fathers Trade Mark 6.3 You see then that there is a command from God that all persons must have honest Callings Secondly here are presidents enough to make it cleare from all exceptions And therefore it is the duty of Parents to labour to provide for their Children honest and lawfull Callings but in your endeavours this way let me advise you to take care of three things First Be carefull to gaine for them such Masters as feare the Lord for else thou maiest feare that all thy paines thou hast taken with them for the good of their soules may be lost Secondly Be carefull to put them to such Callings as they are most capable of Some Histories report that the Jews before they would put their Children to any Calling would first bring them into a large Roome which they did furnish with all Artificers tooles and if there they did take up any toole and seeme to take delight therein they would put them to that Calling unto which the same did belong Thirdly and lastly thou must take care to put them to such Callings as require no more stock of money to mannage them than thou art like to leave to them for else when their Time is out they can make no benefit by their Trades unlesse they remaine in a state of servitude by working under others The Apostle saith Art thou called a Servant care not for it that is be not dejected therefore but if thou maist be free use it rather 1 Cor. 7.21 And then in the 23. verse he addes Ye are bought with a price be not servants of men Therefore thou that art a Parent let thy care be such for thy children that thou make them servants to others but for a convenient time that after they may live in a free and honourable way The third duty Parents owe unto their Children for their outward estate The third Duty Parents owe unto their Children is to labour to provide them fit Marriages in seasonable time And for this we have first a word of Command from God Secondly command from Christian Parents In Jeremiah 29.6 God requires his People to take Wives for their Sonnes and to give their Daughters in Marriage Thirdly for examples mind the practice of of Abraham before made use of Gen. 24.3.4 Consider the practice of Isaac and Rebecca his wife for Jacob in Gen. 27.46 And then in the first verse of the next Chapter the carriage of Naomi for Ruth is a singular example Shall I not seek rest for thee saith she that it may be well with thee which was a Husband as doth after appear Ruth 3.1 By which Scriptures it doth appear clearly to be the duty of Parents in seasonable time to labour to provide Marriages for their Children Now there are some symptomes of this seasonable time whereof I shall name and onely name four First fulnesse and maturity of body Secondly solidity of understanding Thirdly their Constitutions And lastly the seeming delight they take in keeping company with the contrary sex This shall suffice for this third duty of Parents to their Children The fourth and last duty Parents owe unto their Children in relation to their outward condition is to provide for them The fourth duty of Parents to their Children in outward respects and to bestow on them competent maintenance if not more Jacob will travail for his own house Gen. 30.30 Prov. 13.22 A good man leaveth an inheritance to his Children but the eldest Son must have the double portion Deut. 21.16 17. unlesse he dis-inherit himself by any prophanenesse as Esau Heb. 12.16 And this maintenance must be bestowed on them in seasonable time not too soon as the Father of the Prodigall Sonne did Luke 15.12 but when they have necessary occcasion to use it as when with their parents consent they shall begin to look out for themselves in worthy imployments though before Marriage But especially at the time of marriage such are sordid Parents that will part with nothing till death they doe much discourage their children and provoke them to wrath against the Apostles Injunction Ephes 6.4 These are Persons without naturall affection and to be hist at as they goe Here then you see Parents must perform foure Duties to their Children in relation to their outward condition First to bring them up to learning Secondly to provide for them honest and lawfull Callings Thirdly to labour to further them in the change of their conditions by marriage And fourthly and lastly to make provision for them by competent maintenance The first outward duty that Masters owe to their servants The next thing in order to what was first propounded is to consider what duties Governours of Families doe owe unto their servants for their outward comfortable subsistance And In the first place it is the duty of Masters c. to provide for their servants wholsome and well-conditioned Meat and Drink in due time and sufficient of that too as also lodging and washing and what else is necessary for to maintain life and livelihood In order to which the wife must take notice that the chief care of this in reference to the distribution of it and the well-ordering of all things herein concerns her selfe And therefore the Holy Ghost puts upon record the practice of the good Huswife in Proverbs 31.15 of whom it is said That she riseth whilst it is yet Night and giveth meat to her Houshold and a portion unto her Maids For doubtlesse the comfortable allowance of these things is one speciall means by the blessing of God to maintain health and to make them able and strong in body and chearfull in mind to performe such service as is required of them But if it please the Lord to visit them with sickness or lameness in body or limbs and thereby to abate strength and vigour of body and spirit then it is the duty of their Masters and Dames to look out in the use of means for their recovery to make use both of Physitians and Physick and all helps Providence may provide for comfort under affliction and restoration to health again Naaman a servant to the King of Syria being afflicted by the Plague of Leprosie his Master writes a letter in his behalfe to the King of Israel and sends it by the hand of Naaman in order to the recovery of his health again 2 Kings 5.5 The good Centurion we read of in Matth. 8.6 8. when his servant was sick of
the Palsie and grievously tormented he goes in person to Jesus Christ who was a Physitian both for body and soul and humbly beseecheth him for his servants cure and through the free grace of Christ obtains it its good to goe to God in the first place for supplyes of all the wants of our selves and our relations Hee that is in misery ought to bee comforted of his neighbour as it is in the Geneva Translation Job 6.14 Now if Neighbours must put forth themselves to comfort or relieve and help such as are in any misery How much more must Governours of Families labour to perform this duty to their sick and distempered servants the inference is undenyable A good man is mercifull to his beast saith one Translation And another saith A righteous man regardeth the life of his Beast Proverbs 12.10 And how much better is a man than a sheep Mat. 12.12 But it is much to be bewailed that many servants who have in their health and strength well discharged their duties to their Masters yet find small comfort and regard from them when the hand of God is fallen upon them for they are then either sent home to their poor and indigent Parents to take care after or else mued up in a hole and small attendance and lesse allowance of means for their good provided for them such Governours of Families are cursed and hard-hearted persons and pity it is that ever good servants should step over their Thresholds to serve them for such have neither mercy nor justice in them neither grace nor good nature And yet of this stamp and hell-bred crew there are great swarms but let them take heed God is just their owne children be not so served when they are servants to others but I wish them better speed We might here adde a Word concerning seasonable Recreations to be allowed to servants for they may stand in great need of them sometimes after long and sore labour to quicken their spirits and to enliven them with all alacrity to return to their imployment we say Whet is no let And without doubt if Masters would grant it them they would be rather gainers by in the quick and wel-managing their businesses than losers But when Masters grant this liberty as before said I would advise them to take much care that the Recreations allowed be lawfull the time seasonable and their servants company civill or else both Masters and servants may repent the one that they gave the liberty and the other that they so ill improved the same In the second place it is the duty of Masters c. The second outward duty that Masters owe to their servants to allow their servants sufficient wages for their labour and to pay it to them when it is due If they have not sufficient wages they cannot maintaine themselves for the preservation of health and decency both which must be allowed nay and more too if their deserts challenge the same servants may spend thoughts of changing their estate we say service is no heritage and must they make no preparation in order thereunto That were absurd to thinke would you that are Masters have your servants barely live You would not like that if you would be pleased to put your selves in their condition But in the second place it is the duty of Masters to pay their servants their wages in due time and that is when it is due by the conditions of the Contract betweene you and them Mal. 3.5 God threatens to be a swift witnesse against this particular sin of oppressing the hireling in his wages amongst other sins Now a man may be guilty of this sin as well in deteining due wages in relation to time of paiment of it as in over-reaching a servant in contract for it turne to that place Deut. 24.14 15. Thou shalt not oppresse an hired servant at his day thou shalt give him his hire neither shall the sun go down upon it The Labourer is worthy of his hire Luk. 10.7 Masters give unto your servants that which is just and equall Col. 4.1 James tels you that the detaining wages from Labourers cryeth and the cries of them are entred into the cares of the Lord of Sabbath James 5.4 And surely when ever the Lord gives an eare to cries whether the cry of Innocent bloud as that of Abel Gen. 4.10 or any other occasion some fearfull vengeance doth fall upon the heads of such as cause them to ascend and therefore the Apostle James bids those worldlings houle for those miseries that should come upon them Now you that are Masters c. as you would keep off the curse prevent the cry The third duty of Masters to their Servants In the third and last place the dutie of Masters c. to their servants is to be liberall to them at times of parting in case they have been servants a considerable time and have been diligent and faithfull and so a blessing to them Deut. 15.12 13 14. So Prov. 17.2 There be many Masters who are strangers to this duty even in the knowledge of it and more in the practice thereof Yet some I dare not say in conscience to the performance of this duty but rather from the freenesse of their nature doe upon the matter that which is equivalent hereunto namely those that if their servants part from them by Marriage will give them beneficiall wedding dinners and sometimes divers peeces of necessary houshold-stuffe which is a great advantage to them and this is so laudable a thing that I could wish all would more practice the same provided they prevent all abusivenesse of the Creature by luxury and excess and disorder of every kind at such meetings Thus you see that Governours of Families do owe three duties to their servants in relation to their outward conditions First to allow unthem meat drinke and all other necessaries for their comfortable subsistance Secondly to yield them sufficient wages And lastly to be liberall to them at time of parting And thus by the gracious assistance of God we have finished all that was proposed at first to be considered of by such as desire to enter into the Marriage estate relating to the duties which each person in that condition of life owe one to another and both of them to such as God shall set under them viz. to children and servants But here it will be of some concernment to take notice of what duty children and servants owe unto Parents and Masters that they may call upon them to performe the same where we shall first observe the duties Children owe unto their Parents and then the duties of Servants to their Masters c. In the first place it is the duty of Children to yield unto their Parents all due Reverence and Honour The first duty Children owe unto their Parents this duty is expresly commanded by God in Exod. 20.12 Honour thy father and thy mother which the Apostle Eph. 6.2 takes notice
of to be the first Commandement with promise Mal. 6.6 A son honoureth his Father If I be a Father where is my honour But how should this Honour and Reverence be exprest may some say I answer first in words Secondly in actions and gestures First in words Children must reverence their Parents by using few words in their Parents presence or hearing Silence for the generall well becomes the younger sort before the Elder but more properly Children before their Parents And when they speake to them they must make use of the choicest expression that may be to hold forth their dutifull respect by And for their Action too they must be full of Humility as rising up before them and standing in their presence if they expect it being uncovered so long as they think fit and making obeysance on all occasions by shewing all filiall and Child-like dispositions to them by harkening to all their grave Counsels and Admonitions with diligent attention Prov. 1.8 Chap. 5.1 As also by submitting and subjecting themselves to all their godly reprehensions and by treading in their religious steps and imitating their unblameable examples and by covering all their imperfections and weaknesses as Shem and Japhet did when their Father lay drunke and naked in his Tent. Solomon is a singular example of honouring his Mother in another kind 1 Kings 2.19 The second duty of Children to their Parents In the second place it is the duty of Children to obey their Parents in all things lawfull and that with all readinesse Children obey your Parents in the Lord Eph. 6.1 Children obey your Parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord Col 3.20 Now this must be a cheerefull obedience without contending Isaac will submit to his Father though it be in matter of death Gen. 22 9 10. And so will the Daughter of Jephtha Judg. 11 39. The Rechabus obey Jonadab their Father in things that required a great deale of selfe-deniall Ier. 35.5 6 7. which the Lord rewards them for in ver 18 19. A Bishop must rule his own house well and have his Children in subjection 1 Tim. 3.4 Now subjection of all Children to Parents is as much a duty as it is in the children of the Ministers of the Gospell And of this obedience unto Parents we have an example beyond all presidents in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ of whom it is said he went down with his Parents to Nazareth and was subject to them Luk. 2.51 Children must not make their own wils a rule of their actions but the Commandements of God and the Precepts of their Parents that are not contrary to the revealed will of God they must also quietly submit to such correction as they shall think fit to inflict on them for their faults In the third and last place it is the duty of Children to their Parents to labour to provide safty for them in the times of danger The third duty of Children to their Parents and competent maintenance in their necessitous conditions to their utmost abilities for the first take a president from Rahab the Harlot which is laid down at large in Josh 2.12 13. where she doth indent with the Spies sent to view the land to save her Fathers house and to preserve her Father and her Mother c. And for the duty of Children to relieve their Parents in their want consider what the Apostle saith in 1 Tim. 5.4 That to requite our Parents is good and acceptable before God When Parents have been at great paines and charge to bring up their Children and then come to poverty which perhaps may be occasioned by such charge it is not only against grace but against good nature too to cast them off without due care to relieve them it was the pestilent doctrine of the Pharisees to maintaine that Children were discharged from their duty herein provided they did offer a gift at the Altar which was indeed but to fill their pouches Mar. 7.11 12 13. Which practice of theirs as well as their doctrine our Saviour there condemnes We may learne a better example from the practice of Ioseph when he was in prosperity and his Fathers house in want Gen. 47.11 12. For he nourished his Father and his whole Family in Ramases which was the most fertile place of all Egypt When Naomi returned very poore out of the Land of Moab into the Land of Israel Ruth 1.21 then her Daughter in Law wrought hard and tooke great paines to gaine provision for her maintenance God condemnes the formall fasts of the Children of Israel as for other things so for this that they did hide themselves from their own flesh Isa 58.6 7. Now Parents may be more truly said to be our own flesh than others in common can be said to be our Saviour in that place of Marke makes it one kind of honouring Parents to relieve them in their want and to honour our Parents you have it proved before to be a duty from children There be other duties which children owe unto their Parents but they may be included in these If these be conscientiously performed they will be all discharged The duties then which children owe unto their Parents which are obvious to your eye are first to reverence them Secondly to obey them Thirdly to labour to preserve them from danger and to maintaine them in their wants In the last place we are to proceed to discusse the duties which servants owe unto their Masters c. and then we shall draw to a conclusion of this poore Treatise and so leave all upon your hearts to practice in your lives The first duty that servants owe unto their Masters The first duty of servants to their Masters c. is the same that children owe to their Parents that is Honour and Reverence this duty all Inferiours owe to their Superiours and therefore it must be a duty here Now that it is so consider the fore quoted place Mal. 1.6 A son honoureth his Father and a Servant his Master If I be a Master saith God where is my feare or Reverence Implying that honour and reverence is a duty servants owe to their Masters and that they are obliged to the performance of it That place in 1 Tim. 6.1 is much to be observed for this purpose where the Apostle requires all servants that are under the yoke to count their own Masters worthy of all honour and then adds a reason for the same which is this That the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphâ—med Then it is very cleare that such servants as make no conscience to performe this duty of giving honour to their Masters do expose the name and word of eternall God to contempt and to be blasphemed and how shall such servants ever be able to answer for this sin of theirs before the great and all-powerfull God who is alwaies armed with divine vengeance to be powred down upon the heads and hearts of
such as are offenders in this kind and such are all servants that discharge not the duty here mentioned Now if servants would know how and in what way this duty should be performed for their help therein I refer them to those means briefly nominated for direction to children in the performance of this very duty to their Parents and by the way it is worth observing that in a reall and true sence it may be said and proved that Masters c. are Parents to then servants as well as to their children yet with a great deale of difference In the second place it is the duty of servants to be obedient unto their Maners c. This duty hath some affinity with the former for if servants do not readily obey their Masters they cannot honour them they rather vilifie them and expose them to contempt and disgrace there are many Scripture texts that offer themselves to confirme this truth Servants be obedient to your Masters according to the flesh Eph. 6.5 Servants obey in all things your Masters according to the flesh Col 3.22 Exhort servants saith Paul to be obedient to their Masters in all things not answering againe Tit. 2.9 The Apostle Peter doth further presse this duty Servants saith he be subject to your Masters with all feare not only to the good and gentle but also to the froward 1 Pet. 2.18 From all these places you may see this duty hath the Word of God for its foundation The Centurion which we read of in the Gospell had choice servants for their readinesse to obey him for he tels Christ that if he bid one go he went and if another come he came and if he bid his servant do this he did it we must not doubt of the truth of what he said though he spake those things to illustrate and set forth the power of Christ over all sicknesses and all things for he doth acknowledge that that sicknesse that had arrested his servant was the servant of Christ that as it did afflict his servant when Christ commanded it so to do so it must leave his servant and depart when Christ should require the same Mat 8.8 9. It were much to be wish'd that every Master had such a servant or such servants as this Centurion had there would be more quietnesse in Families and better successe in all their imployments than now there is But many servants in our times will go and come at their owne pleasures and do what is good in their owne eyes Their Masters must be subject to them and not they to their Masters but such servants will be the greatest losers at last Marke what the Apostle saith Obey them that have the rule over you and submit your selves for they watch for your soules as they that must give an account that they may do it with joy and not with griefe for that is unprofitable to you Heb. 13.17 which is an exhortation in generall yet it concernes servants in speciall Servants must not do any thing contrary to their Masters minds though they give no particular command to the contrary Elisha did not command his servant Gehazi not to go after Naaman to receive a gratuity yet he went and did receive a Talent of Silver and two changes of rayment of him but he could not crack of his profit as we say for he had the plague of Leprosie with them into the bargaine 2 Kings 5.20 22 24 25 26 27. Can any man with any shew of reason conceive that this example of disobedience in Gehazi to his Master and of the severe hand of God on him for it doth stand upon Record for nothing Whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning Rom. 15.4 And this was written to terrifie rebellious and disobedient servants whereof the world is full but gratious servants will learne and practice better The third duty of servants to their Masters In the third and last place it is the duty of servants to their Masters to shew all diligence fidelity and faithfulnesse in the discharging their businesses and answering the trust committed to them and that as in the presence of God When the Apostle in that place of Eph. 7.5 9. which we made use of before had exhorted servants to be obedient to their Masters according to the flesh with feare and trembling in singlenesse of heart as to Christ he addes Not with eye-service as men pleasers but as the servants of Christ doing the will of God from the heart the very same you find in Col. 3.22 In Tit. 2.9 10. Exhort servants saith the Apostle to be obedient to their Masters not purloyning but shewing all good fidelity that they may adorne the doctrine of God When servants serve their Masters not with eye-service but with all faithfulnesse and singlenesse of heart with a good conscience they also serve Jesus Christ who will plentifully recompence the same either in temporall or spirituall blessings or in both he is a blessed servant who obeyes his Masters commands chiefly in relation to Gods injunctions such a one no doubt was the servant of Abraham and Jacob to his Father Laban and Joseph to Potiphar and after to the keeper of the prison Gen. 30.27 Chap. 39.3 ult There be divers waies and meanes by which servants must shew themselves faithfull to their Masters and Dames First by praying for them Secondly by being diligent in the dispatch of their businesse Thirdly by preserving their Estates and in helping to encrease them Fourthly by labouring to protect their persons from violence to their power And fifthly by labouring to preserve their reputations in order whereunto they must keep their secrets undisclosed and their infirmities from being published But such servants as walke in waies contrary hereunto it were incomparably better for a Christian Housholder to have them out than in his Family and indeed it were far better that such servants should lye under the cudgell of a Turkish patron than set their feet under an honest mans Table Thus we have with much brevity past through the duties which servants owe unto their Masters and Dames First they must labour to honour them Secondly they must submit to them and obey them Thirdly and lastly they must shew all diligence fidelity and faithfulnesse to them in doing their businesse and in answering the trust committed to them Now to come to a full period of all and conclude we shall endeavour to make some application of that which hath been before laid down by way of duty Use 1 In the first place this may serve for just reproofe to most men in our times who do thrust themselves into the honourable Estate of Marriage without any consideration at all as if it were an estate fit for every man that will to enter into Truly I do exceedingly like those sweet expressions in the Preface to the ancient Forme of Marriage in the Church of England where having affirmed the Estate of Marriage to be honourable
among all men which indeed it is the words following containe an Admonition and run thus Therefore is not to be enterprized that is Marriage nor taken in hand unadvisedly lightly or wantonly to satisfie mens carnall lusts and appetites like brute Beasts that have no understanding but Reverently discreetly advisedly soberly and in the feare of God duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained c. such rash inconsiderate heady and unadvised persons as these never labour to see themselves to have a cleare Call to change their conditions by entring into the Marriage estate They desire no spirituall gifts to enable them to performe spirituall duties They look not upon any qualifications in the party they desire to enjoy in such a condition provided there be person and beauty to satisfie their brutish lusts and mony to please their covetous humour they will marry their hearts and soules to a bag of silver or gold these answer the Proverbe What hath she what is she and so they make money to answer all things As Solomon speakes yet to other ends Eccl. 10.19 And as for the way and meanes which God hath sanctified and appointed for men to walke in and make use of to obtaine good wives and meet helpers they will not set one foot in them they will not go to God by prayer for direction this way and for successe herein they scarce know what God is and for the duty of Prayer they know not so much as the A B C of it and as for Parents consent they regard not that all they desire is to inveigle maids to love them and enchant their foolish affections to answer their unreasonable desires let Parents consent or not consent what care they but for some sinister ends for portion sake or to attaine preferment by their favour There is an impure generation who have overspread the Nation yea and many other parts too like the Locusts in Egypt Exod. 10.14 who purposely do invent obscene lascivious scurrilous and filthy songs and Ballads on purpose to pollute and poyson young Virgins and Maids with carnall fleshly and abominable lusts that so they may bring them over to themselves for uncleane dalliance at present and then make them yield to their hellish Motions and run point blanke against the consent of their Parents to bestow themselves on them but poore Creatures when they thinke they are good wives they are but filthy Whores so long as Parents consent is not obtained by means whereof the Common-wealth is filled with abundance of Whores Bastards by which meanes also it comes to passe that Townes and Parishes are so over-charged with poore that there can scarce be an able Family there And where be they who labour to informe themselves in the duties which married persons are call'd to performe each to other and both to their Families And these duties to mind as I have said before Marriage that afterward they might practice them Truly this is the condition of multitudes of Men and Women now conjoyned together after their way in Marriage by reason whereof the Land is full of ignorant and extreamely profane Families by this meanes it is come to passe that the power of Godlinesse is slighted here is the cause why Sabbaths are profaned this is the cause why faithfull Ministers are the scorne of this Age this is the cause of so much Whoredome Drunkennesse Lying Cheating Over-reaching and what not amongst us Ah you poore soules who have contracted Marriage before you were call'd to it and have so wickedly entred into and lived in it all the sins before-mentioned and also what sins else can be named must like so many illegitimate children be brought and laid at your door and you must be Fathers and Mothers to them Never looke to prosper in your soules especially untill you labour to remove the guilt by repentance and teares of godly Compunction and untill thou reforme for which end be carefull to be informed in the duties thou art called to performe in the state of Marriage and then set about the discharge of them as in the presence of God labour to redeeme lost time by double diligence in the well improving the future and so God may yet be gracious to you and yours and make you blessings both to Church and Common-wealth In the last place it may serve for instruction Vse 2 First unto the unmarried And secondly to those in the Married condition First let me direct my selfe to you that are in the single Estate but yet mind a change of that life of yours as opportunity shall serve you to accomplish your desires Dost thou then desire I say to change thy condition as beforesaid and wouldst thou faine enjoy a meet helper in all conditions God shall put thee into whether prosperity or adversity Then let me exhort thee and be thou exhorted in the name and feare of God to see God going before thee by a cleare Call to enterprize so great a businesse even in fitting thee for the same as hath been before laid downe and in particular labour to get an humble spirit and an understanding heart to discharge all duties to every relation that God shall set under thee and that for their good both of body and soule that thou maiest be a blessing to them and they under God a comfort to thee labour to propound to thy selfe lawfull ends in that thy undertaking and be sure walke in warrantable waies and use godly and lawfull meanes to carry on thy desires by and amongst those meanes set down for thy direction mind well in a way of practice the going to God by Prayer then use double care and diligence to meet with one for thy companion who is of a gracious frame both of heart and life so far as possibly can be discerned And for those other qualifications before-mentioned be so far from slighting them that rather on the contrary be unsatisfied in thy thoughts if thou find any one of them wanting Yet not so unsatisfied as to divert thy affections from such a party because some one of them are undiscerned and perhaps some others a little defective but if the maine be there then in the name and feare of the great God proceed gradually to put a period to all thy cares paines and endeavours that way and now being married if thou wouldst have God say amen to all those joyes thy friends and acquaintance wish thee then set thy selfe the worke that lyeth before thee namely thy godly and Christian-like discharging of all the duty that estate cals for from thee which brings me to the second thing proposed in this Use that is to speake a word or two of Instruction to those in the Marriage condition It is a true saying that Marriage is either merry-Merry-age or mar-Mar-age But if thou wouldst have it to thee merry-Merry-age and not mar-Mar-age then now labour to walke with God in the conscientious discharge of all the duties that the same estate ties thee to
Th' Effigies here on which you looke Contributes nothing to this Booke It 's but a shadow at the most No Body sure much less a Ghost The Booke peruse the faults passe by The rules observe most carefully Which if you doe then you may find Content in Marriage to your mind Conjugall Counsell OR Seasonable Advise both to Unmarried and Married PERSONS Directing the first how to enter into the Marriage Estate And the other how to demeane themselves in the Christian discharge of all such duties as that Estate of life binds them to that God may have Glory the Church Edification and themselves and Families present and future Comfort Tending much by the blessing of God to a through Reformation of all the Enormities of these evill Times By T. H. of Sandwich in Kent Two are better than one Eccles 4 9. Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled but Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge Heb 13.4 LONDON Printed for John Stafford and are to be sold at his House at the George at Fleet-Bridge 1653. Imprimatur JOHN DOVVNAM To his highly Esteemed and very Choicely beloved Children Samuel Mehetabel and Anne Hilder the yearning Bowels and Rowling Affections of your tender-hearted Father wisheth the happinesse of all saving-grace in this life and Eternall glory in the life to come through Jesus Christ our Lord. Right dearely beloved Children THe Great God of Heaven and Earth who is wisdome it selfe and all perfections did not thinke fit to bestow you on me as the fruit of my Youth and the Quintessence of my strength But in my Old Age and when I was a dry stick he made me Bud Bloome Blossomes and bring forth such pleasant Almonds as indeed you are Your bodies are very deare to me I desire your soules may be much more precious The preservation of your Naturall lives is my duty to take care after in a way of subordination to God But the seeking of the good of your soules as an Instrument under God in this life in the state of grace and as the way leading to glory and blisse hereafter is that which I am bound to regard in a more singular and speciall manner My deare hearts I desire Naturall Affection may not so far carry me forth towards you as spirituall and Ardent desires transport me with much enlargednesse of heart and spirit to seeke there all good both of your Bodies and Soules to all Eternity through free grace in Jesus Christ It is said Israel loved Joseph more than all his Children because he was the Son of his old Age and he made him a Coat of many colours Gen. 37.3 Now if because Joseph was the Son of his Fathers old Age was a good Argument to Israel to love him with such a large love Then for ought I know I am not to be blamed if I manifest my love to you in an extraordinary manner having the same reason for it as before exprest True it is I cannot cloath you with Garments of many colours I meane in a rich and costly manner yet I desire to blesse the Lord that not one of you hitherto have known want Ah my soule desires you may be like the Kings Daughter Psalm 15.13 Even all glorious within that your hearts may be beautified with saving grace and cloathed with the Righteousnesse of Jesus Christ My deare Children I cannot out looke upon you as poore fatherlesse babes for 〈◊〉 â—â—lesse the time of my departing is at hand so far as can be thought in all probabiliâ—â— for I have the sentence of death within me I finding Nature spending and wasting peace and divers symptomes of short life Therefore as Isaac desired to bless Esau before his death So I desire yet not as having a spirit of Prediction as Isaac had Gen 27.4 to blesse you before I dye viz. to communicate some Counsell to you from the Word of God that you in following the same may be both blessed here and for ever Now herein I shall proceed by the Lords assistance for the generall in a sententiall way desiring you to make them the matter of your Meditations that so they may be amplified and enlarged in your own thoughts My dearly beloved ones let me in the first place lay to you and to every one of you as David said to his Son Solomon 1 Chron. 28.9 My Children know you the God of your Fathers and serve him with perfect hearts and with willing minds This is your duty in generall But to come to some particulars yet in an abstractive way Take them as followeth that is labour to make God the object of your love and the chiefe of all your desires Psal 73.15 Ibid. 31.23 Marke 12 30. Seeke to have the feare of God continually in your hearts Psalm 86.11 Psal 34 9. but be carefull that it be filiall and Child-like not servile and slavish Remember your Creator in the daies of your youth Eccl. 12.1 Begin your spirituall Race betimes Psa 63.1 Prov. 8.17 And strive to hold out to the end 1 Cor. 9.24 Mark 13.13 Mind your own mortality Heb. 9.27 Ioh. 9.4 Psal 6.5 Put not off working in Gods Vineyard till the Eleventh houre Mat. 20.6 Your Sun may set at Noone as spoken in another case Amos 8.9 Improve all your Talents to the glory of God Mat. 25.20 Mind the account you must pass for you are but stewards Luk. 16.2 Forget not the day of Judgement Eccl. 11.9 Chap. 12. ult Mat. 12.38 Be very strict in the observation of the Sabbath Exod. 28.10 11. Isa 56.2 Chap. 58.13 Prize the meanes of grace Psal 119 70 97. Frequent the Assembly of the Saints Hebrewes 12.25 But mistake not the Sheepfold Cant. 1.28 Labour to live a life of faith against and above sense Gal. 2.10 Hab. 2.4 Chap. 3.17 18. Labour for an humble spirit Micah 6.8 James 4.6 Practice all knowne truths Joh. 13.17 Hold forth the power of godlinesse in your lives 1 Cor. 4.20 2 Tim. 3.5 Keep your hearts alwaies waking Cant. 5.2 for the Times are evill Eph. 5.16 Labour for found principles Tit. 1.13 And stability in them 1 Tim. 4.1 James 5.8 2 Pet. 1.12 Study to be quiet and to do your own businesse 1 Thes 4.12 Keepe within the limits of your Callings 1 Cor. 7.24 Labour to be approved to God 2 Cor. 10. ult Passe not for the judgement of men 1 Cor. 4.3 Yet beware of giving just offence to any Mat. 18.7 1 Cor. 10.32 Shun all occasions of sinning Prov. 5.8 Gal. 5.13 Abstaine from all appearance of evill 1 Thes 5.22 Do not think you can be too strickt in a holy life Eph. 5.15 But alwaies walke by a just Rule Gal. 6.16 Be upright in heart hate hypocrisie Ps 26.1 2. Ioh. 1.47 Follow not a multitude to do evill Exod. 23.2 Be not partakers of other mens sins keep your selves puâ—e 1 Tim. 5.22 Beware of diversity of opinions and divers Doctrines Heb. 13.9 1 Tim. 4.1 2. Rom. 16. Cha. 17.18 2 Tim. 4.3
4 For these various waies are but meere figments and fruits of Addle braines though varnished with some splendent gilt of holiness and denominated New Lights and Divine Revelations I say beware of these for they are but the Devill peeping with a white Vizard to cover his all-silthy and deformed face stand upon your watch-Tower look out sharply lest you be led away by the error of the Wicked 2 Pet. 2.17 My deare Children labour to arme your selves against the croking Frogs of these last and worst times you are borne in an houre of Temptation you had great need to labour to trie the spirits 1 Ioh. 4.1 which that you may do you must follow the Counsell of Christ that is you must daily search the Scriptures Iohn 5.39 Imitate also the example of the Bereans who would not believe Paul and Sylas untill by searching the Scriptures they found the truth of what they delivered Acts 17 11. And the Holy Ghost commends and honours them for the same and this duty God did command his people of Old Isa 8.20 Leane not on your own understanding Pro. 3 5. Be not high minded but feare Rom. 11.20 Let him saith the Apostle that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall 1 Cor. 10.12 For there is a way that seemeth right but the end thereof are the waies of death Prov. 16.25 Beware of other mens sins and punishments Iudg. 4.7 Still walke with God as Enoch did Gen. 5.24 Graspe fast hold on Christ as the Church did and leane upon him Cant. 8.5 You are safe if Christ put forth his hand to you in your times of danger as he did to Peter Mat. 14.31 Endeavour to keepe a good conscience in your whole life Acts 23.1 which will be to you a continuall feast Pro. 15.15 so the Geneva Translation renders it Therefore hearken unto the Checks and Admonitions of it Sympathize with the Church and every particular Member therein in the times of Affliction Neh. 1.1 2 3 4. Amos 6.6 Rom. 12.15 Spend much time in the perusall of Orthodoxe Writers both Ancient and Moderne for next unto the Scriptures in both the Old And New Testament you shall find the most glorious beames and araies of light and truth shining from them to enlighten you in the way of truth and to heat and quicken your Affections to walke in the way that is called Holy I even beseech you to labour to gaine and to maintaine in your dâ—aâ—e hearts an invaluable and incomparable esteem of these Authors here mentioned and 〈◊〉 as they who are indeed all Reverend and sound Divines viz. Mr Perkins Bishop Hall Bishop Usher and in particular his body of Divinity Dr Preston Dr Sibbs Mr Nicholas Eyfield Mr Robert Bouâ—ton Mr Ieremy and Mr Daniel Dike Mr Symonds on the case and cure of a deserted soule Mr Smith on the Great Assize and Ursinus on the Sum of Christian Religion c. But on the contrary take notice it is your duty both to God and your own soules to labour to abhor with a kind of infinite detestation all hereticall and schismaticall yea all fanaticall and whimsicall Pamphlets Treatises and their Authors how specious soever Frontispieces and deluding Titles be for all such are but the Devils Factors Agents and Engins to seduce and poyson the judgements of poore ignorant soules that they may run with a full careere to the pit of hell to the high dishonour of God and their own inevitable destruction both of body and soule unlesse infinite mercy prevent these Vermine aâ—e like the Locusts Rev. 9.7.8 if not the same who have Crowns like Gold not Gold though they glister faces like men and haire like women but teeth like Lions These are Clouds without water c. and wandring stars c. Jude 12 13. These are they whose words fâ—et like a Canker 2 Tim. 2.16 17. These trouble Coasts you may know them by their fruit they still oppugne the faithfull Ministers of Jesus Christ and spit out of their black mouths many opprobrious false and diabolicall calumniations against them but their tongues and pens can be no slanders to them nor cast them out of the hearts of the reall godly party that thereby they may heave them out of the Ministry and make roome for their uncall'd and ungifted fraternity to possess their places if they can bring their cursed designes to passe and by this hellish meanes hinder the propagation of the Gospell and Gospell Ordinances and so foyst in their owne hell-bred inventions These my deare Children are such nonsensicall Ignoramus's and so full of blockish stupidity that they are many degrees worse than those Babel builders Gen. 11. from ver 1. to the end of ver 8. For they did desist from their worke of confusion when God had confounded their Language But these Impostors though the Lord have divided their tongues and so hath answered the Prophet Davids Imprecation Psa 55.9 that they speak not the same things yea and their hearts too that they walke in contradictory waies one from the other and all from the Rule of truth yet most pertinaciously with browes of brasse they proceed to bring paultry trash and filthy Rubbish to patch up their tottering structure founded on the sand to be a habitation for dolefull Creatures c. Isa 13.21 And for such as the Holy Ghost mentions in Rev. 18.2 But downe must their Chaos go Mat. 7.26 27. And all their vile plants must be pluck'd up Mat. 15.13 But to conclude this particular these Sons of Belial are false Meteors and can metamorphose a reall Saint into a Devill and a Devill incarnate into a Saint These persons are good Arithmeticians for they are well vers'd in the rules of Addition and Substraction nay and in the black art of Detraction too and whether they are acute both in the Theory and Practique part of Division or not let all moralized men much more reall Christians judge These persons can and do put darknesse for light and light for darknesse c. In one word their aime is to extinguish the power of godlinesse and to procure liberty for all licentiousnesse which God prevent But to proceed onward Set not your Affections on things beneath but on things above Col. 3.2 For the love of the world and worldly things is an enemy both to God and your own soules Iames 4.4 1 Tim. 6.9 10. But cast your selves in the use of lawfull meanes upon God for all outward things for he careth for you 1 Pet. 5.7 And be content to be at his allowance and with your present condition Phil. 4.12 1 Tim. 6.8 Heb. 13.5 In all your Afflictions exercise much patience Pro. 24.10 Iames 5.10 Heb. 12.1.2 Yet be much in Prayer for deliverance Psal 50.15 Also mind for this purpose the Title immediately before Psa 102. As touching your duties to your Parents I omit the hinting at them here but refer you to that part of the ensuing Treatise where there is something spoken more at
for that did fully and clearely make it out to be lawfull for a man to have an eye in Marriage to a womans outward estate alwaies provided that it must be in due place and moderate But what advantage will it be to a man to have a great portion with his wife if she be expensive wastefull profuse prodigall in her carriage such a wife will make good two Proverbs that is she will bring a noble soon to nine-pence And what she brings in with a rake she will disperse with a forke This is the foolish woman Solomon complaines of that pâ—â—s down her house with her hands Prov. 14.1 Such a woman will soon bring her Selfe her Husband and Children to a Morsell of bread It s too well known that some painefull carefull and industrious Husbands cannot get beforehand in the world but are alwaies hinderly and beggerly by meanes of their wives who are most jolly jocund and junketting Dames in the Townes and Places where they live These will rob their Husbands at every ruine take Money out of his purse nay make Money of Meat out of the powdering tubs Come out of their Chambers Bread out of the Cupbords Oh these are worse than High-way Thieves for they might be avoided but these sometimes are not so much as suspected but were they how shall a mans ruine be prevented from being brought by such Caterpillars perpendicularly upon his head Beloved if thou wouldst avoid such an unsufferable Cross in the Marriage condition take heed then beforehand that thou be not ensnared with a Maid or Widdow of a frollick disposition beware of those who are gadders abroad to Faires and every meeting of pleasure take heed of such as are full of levity figging here and there not knowing in what place nor in what company to spend their time It s very true that if thou canst meet with a wife qualified with true grace thou needst not feare such an unmeet wife as we here mention but with great griefe be it exprest that though it be a mans duty to aime at obtaining a gracious wife as we have said yet there is a kind of infinite difficulty in meeting with such an one And you shall heare a woman even the Mother of King Solomon say as much Pro. 31.10 And according to the judgement of divers Orthodoxe Divines Solomon doth averre the selfe same in his Eccles a booke which he wrote after his repentance for his Idolatry and loose walking with his God wherein he doth complain that among his thousand Wives and Concubines together for so many he had in all seven hundred of one and three hundred of the other 1 King 11.3 he found not one that was a godly woman Eccl. 7.27 28. Therefore to conclude this particular likewise let me intreat thee to take up this direction to labour to walk thereby and I dare assure thee thou shalt no whit repent of thy paines herein The eighth qualification in a woman The eighth and last qualification to be eyed by thee in a woman whom thou wouldst enjoy as thy Wife is so much Education and breeding as is necessary in a woman in relation to thy ranke and condition yet this I shall not urge as upon cleare and absolute Necessity but upon necessary conveniency For as an absurd clownish and fordid behaviour ill becomes a man so all unworthy fliggish hoydenly carriage as ill becomes a woman And herein I appeale to all rationall and intelligible persons of both Sexes The compleat and comly behaviour of a woman both at home and abroad is an Ornament both to her selfe and Husband and if thou be a wise man thou wilt be ashamed to see the contrary in thy wife I shall content my selfe in the bare naming of this I might urge at large the comly behaviour of Rebecca when she met with her Husband Isaac the first time how she alighted from the Camel and covered her face with a vaile Gen. 24 64 65. which carriage of hers was very comely and did demonstrate her education and breeding to be singularly good Thus we have done with the second meanes to be used to gaine a good wife and a meet helper You may be pleased to remember we told you the first meanes was to go to God by prayer to beseech him to bestow a good wife and a meet helper on you The second was that you must look on such things or qualifications as made a woman to be a good wife and meet helper and these qualifications are in number Eight First Grace Secondly Sweetnesse of Nature Thirdly Comlinesse of person and favour Fourthly A fit Age Fifthly An honest descent Sixthly A Competent portion of outward things Seventhly Frugality and good Huswifery And lastly Good Education and Breeding Through all which particulars in the strength of our God we have proceeded Now by the same assistance we shall proceed to handle two meanes more and then come to the duties Married persons owe each to other and to their Families Thirdly The third meanes to obtaine a good wife if thou dost desire to have a good wife and a meet helper Thou must labour by honest and just meanes to obtaine the consent of Parents on both sides which if thou be wanting in thy marriage will be rather curst of God than blest and thou shalt have cause rather to mourne than to rejoice in that condition for thou must be convinced in this that the very Essence of Marriage is the agreement of the parties and the consent of Parents Great is the Interest that Parents have in their Children and the power that God hath invested them with over them First for their interest in them as the Apostle saith in another case You are not your own but are bought with a price 1 Cor. 6.19 20. So may I say to Children You are not your own but you are bought with a price Your Parents have bought you for though to speake most properly God be the giver of Children as no man nor Angell can deny for Children are the Inheritance of the Lord and the fruit of the wombe is his reward Psal 127 31. It was the Lord that opened Leahs wombe Gen. 29.31 And it was the Lord that did with-hold from Rachel the fruit of her wombe Gen. 30.2 yet in some sense Parents may be said to have bought their Children for their Mothers buy them deare they conceive them beare them and bring them into the world with great pain and griefe sometimes Children cost their Mothers their lives in Child-birth or Child-bed Benjamin cost his precious Mother her life at such a time Gen. 35.17.18 The Tree doth sometimes wither and dye that the fruit may live And when Children are borne they cost both Fathers and Mothers much paine cost griefe and feare in bringing them up They have much trouble and watchings early and late about them Besides what heart-breaking paines doth Parents take to leave some maintenance for their Children Children then you