great occasion had fallen out in the day he would still retire himself to ask counsel and a blessing from the Lord Once every month he always kept a private day by himself besides what he did upon particular occasions to seek the Lord by fasting and Prayer the better to prepare himself for the Lords-Supper and then also he had much upon his heart the concernments of the Church And if ever any affliction befel him or his family or any of his relations his constant course was to seek the Lord in an extraordinary manner So likewise if there were any great business he was to undertake or any more eminent strait wherein he needed Divine counsel providence and protection he still set apart some time to seek God in a more then ordinary manner and his success was answerable for he had always some gracious return or other Besides the set times of Prayer which he observed he was full of occasional ejaculations He was seldom known to be out of a spiritual frame and in that frame his heart was darting up one holy ejaculation or other He was most punctual in keeping his times and seasons for Prayer reading and Meditation Whatever his worldly businesses were which were sometimes many and weighty he was very loth to abridge himself in his wonted course for these exercises and if he were necessitated at any time to be shorter he would be sure to redeem the next opportunity to regain what he had been deprived of He was wont to say when he did hasten over holy duties out of an over eager desire to follow his worldly business he did many times meet with a cross in his business but when he did take his ordinary time God did make his other business to succeed the better or else his mind was brought to submit to the will of God He was seldom known to pray himself His great Affection in holy duties or to join with others in Prayer but his heart was much affected and carried out with much holy zeal and fervency In his old age his heart would melt frequently and he would often be dissolved into tears and his affections seemed to be as green and vigorous as the affections of young Converts use to be When he joined with others he was far from an oscitant and careless carriage His behaviour was so reverent and mixed with so much affection as that the Minister under whose Ministry he sate would profess he found himself very much helped and quickned by the observance of his affection If at any time he found the least decay or deadness coming upon him that was his greatest trouble and far more then any outward affliction In one of his letters he expressed himself thus having spoken before in his letter of a bodily distemper that lay upon him he goes on thus That which troubleth me now is the distemper of my Spirit because I find my self less lively in holy things and more unactive then formerly Yesterday blessed be God I found some reviving When he awoke in the morning His private Exercises in the morning if it were before the ordinary time he was wont to rise his manner was to spend some time in meditation and the subject of his Meditation for the most part was somewhat of the great work of Redemption and he imployed his thoughts principally to meditate on the eternal sacrifice of the Lord Jesus which was offered up to the Father for the taking away of the sins of his people and according to this his own practise he would counsel his children every Morning to take a turn at the Cross of Christ and to think of his sufferings and that would be a means to make them love Christ the more When he was rising and dressing himself in the morning he would let fall some holy instructions or other on them that were about him After he was ready his first work was to retire himself into his closet where he spent a considerable time in reading Meditation and Prayer His daily practise was to read every morning some part of the Scriptures with some commentarie thereupon and after that to meditate on what he had read and being much taken with the Spirituality and Judiciousness of Calvins expositions he made the greatest use of him to help him in the understanding of the Scriptures After he had thus finished his private exercise of Prayer and Meditation on the word he had read His morning exercises in the Family he was wont to call together his family and communicate unto them what he had learned from his own meditation and the expositions of godly Divines on the word that he had read and what ever his worldly occasions had been he would scarce ever omit this exercise with his family but every morning would open some portion of the Scripture to them and give them some holy exhortation from it and this was his practise for 20 or 30 years together Such was his modesty and humility in the managing of this work that although he was of a great Judgment himself of long experience and had a deep insight into the things of God yet he would say he would not take upon him to interpret the meaning of such or such a text but he would acquaint them what he had learned from godly Divines By this constant course of reading and daily perusing the expositions of Divines joyned together with his own Meditation he became a man expert and mighty in the Scriptures So that when he came to speak to his family he would open the Scriptures with much clearness and solidity and the Lord endued him with a wonderful ability to make things plain and familiar to the capacity of the meanest And when he came to make applications of things to those of his own family he would be sure to consider what every ones condition did require those whom he feared to be still in the state of nature he would lay open to them the danger of their condition and what a sad thing it was for them to remain out of Christ and what ever the matter was he had been speaking of his exhortation would be sure always to center in this to press them to look after Christ in whom the Father had laid up all grace and from whom they must expect to receive all grace His exhortations were set on with a wonderful strange authority there was so great a presence of God with him that many besides those of his own family who came occasionally to be in his house will have cause to bless God for him to eternity After he had spent a quarter of an hour or a little more in this way of exhortation he would close up the mornings exercise with prayer in which he would not be long but his prayer was so substantial that he would comprehend the whole of Religion and as it were a body of Divinity in a short Prayer His prayer seemed to be nothing but digested meditation
greatly swallowed up in and by the sense of Gods love to him What delight did he take in concealing that grace which was conferred on him under an humble self-abasement before God and men He lived the most that ever I knew any in a continual separation not only from the world but also from himself He seemed to me to have arrived unto the greatest abjuration of self-sufficiency that ever I met with Oh how much did he depart from himself day by day that so he might more intirely enter into and live in Christ What a generous design had he to abandon every part not only of sinful but legal self for Christ But yet the less he lived in the Spirit of his own Gifts or Graces received the more he lived in the Spirit of Christ his head Oh what an amorous union with and value for Christ did he gain by the Ruines of self-love The less he was in his own eyes by so much the more did he magnifie Christ His works did praise him but how much did his tongue heart and life praise Christ Yea how much did he rejoyce to see Christ glorifyed by others as well as by himself I must confess according to my best knowledge I never knew any that did more cry down self and cry up Christ than this now glorified Saint How willing was he to render unto Christ whatever he received from him Thus as the Rivers receive new supplies by emptying themselves into the Sea so did this holy man by returning the acknowledgement and improvement of all his grace unto Christ the Ocean of all As Humility kept him low in his own eyes so Faith raised in him an high esteem of Christ As he went unto Christ for all grace so he ascribed all unto him Thus he made Christ all in all He seemed so laborious in the ways of Godliness as if there were no Christ to trust unto and yet he was so much in Faith and dependance on Christ as if there were nothing to be done on his part As for his diligence in the work of God that he ascribed to Christ but as for any negligence he was guilty of that he ascribed to himself His will stood strongly Bent for God Oh! what a pure sound single entire upright heart for God had he How did Divine Love bend his will purifie the intention thereof keeping it in a firm adhesion unto God What spiritual Affections for Christ ballanced with saving light was his heart possessed withall How much did he fear God under Smiles love him under frowns hope in him under difficulties desire and enjoy him under all other enjoyments What a beautiful Harmony was there between his will and the Divine Will Yea how much did he live and die in the Soveraign Will When the Lord took from him any dear Relation what a correspondence with and Acquiescence in his royal pleasure did he discover in his deportment How Passive yea Active in concurrence with the will of God was his will under all chastisements How little covetuous or thirsty after his own will was he Oh what a flexible humble meek and broken will towards God was there discovered in him and yet lo how inflexible and stiffe was his will as to whatever had the appearance of evil how patient calm and submissive was he in his own cause and yet what an ardent zeal had he for the concerns of his Lord How much could he condescend to the will of the meanest for their good and yet how little would he stoop to the lusts of the proudest As for the constant establisht tenor of his Spirit in walking with God not only in Religious dutys but also in his civil Affairs I have much admired it Yea I cannot but tell the world what I have oft mentioned in private that I verily believe this holy man enjoyed more of God in his civil employments then many Christians do in their spiritual Retirements and Devotion I have taken him when newly come of a croud of secular affairs and have found him more spiritual in his converse then I find the most of Christians after their most serious exercises in religious worship And I remember he then told me what I hope I shall never forget That this was his course every day to examine what had been Gods carriage towards him and what had been his carriage towards God A Golden Rule for Heart examens Oh what an estrangement from a worldly Spirit had he in all his worldly concerns How were his Thoughts Principles Inclinations Affections and Actions moulded into a fit frame for walking with God Was not this the main business and exercise of his Life How much time did he spend in the service of his Lord and how little was he taken up with self-concernments What a serious lively affectionate communion with God had he not only in but also out of duties How much was his end ever in his eye And with what vigorous activity did he pursue the same How much was his heart with God in eating walking commerce and all parts of civil Conversation What a curious vigilant eye had he on his Spirit to secure it from all violent passions and irregular motions How unwilling was he to let pass the least occasion presented for receiving or doing good How little was there of a Vacuum in his Life for tentation to fill up What an equal uniform and harmonious life did he lead In sum He was one of an Universal Spirit for Godliness The Yoke and Cross of Christ were pleasant and familiar to him Oh how strict was his life but his heart large towards God and men How much did he vindicate the Reality of his Religion by living at a more than ordinary rate in Religion It was his great Aphorism both living and dying That Religion was a Real thing And how much did he demonstrate the same by the power thereof in his life and conversation What an Heaven of Holiness and Happiness did he find in his way to Heaven What a Tranquility of Spirit did he arrive unto in this inferiour world Was not his life by reason of the equality of its parts like a circle which every day began and ended in God What a constellation of graces seemingly contrary did there shine forth in his Conversation How knowing in the deep mystery of Faith and yet how humble was he What a blessed mixture of zeal and meekness appeared in him What a Majesty mixed mith a sweet Affability was there in his presence How much did he advantage men that knew him by giving them such a bright shining example of visible Godliness I would not exceed in mine esteem of persons or things but yet I must confess I cannot but admire the grace of God that shone so illustriously in this eminent Saint And I think I may say it without injury to truth or person that to my best remembrance I have not seen any one clothed with more visible and shining grace then
nearer to God whereas false flashes leave the soul loose Again for the continuance of this blessed testimony in the soul I do find that an holy humble constant waiting on God and Communion with him in his ordinances joyned with a constant care and endeavour to walk with him in uprightness in all the duties of my particular calling and relations are blessed means to keep up and increase this assurance but the neglect or remisse usage of these doth diminish the oyl of this blessed Lamp and unsanctified liberty so far grieves the holy Spirit as to suspend this Testimony for a time What the nature of this witness of the Spirit was he said as it is in the precedent letter that it was better felt then expressed only being once asked about it he answered It was a secret overpowering that I am his and he is mine I am my well-beloveds and my well-beloved is mine He was wont to observe that the most likely means to attain assurance was to propound spiritual ends to our selves in the desiring of it not to desire it meerly that we might be at quiet and free from trouble in our Consciences but principally to desire it for this end that by the knowledge and apprehension of Gods love to us we might be inabled to give the Lord the glory of his own grace and be carried out to higher pitches in obedience In his discourse with some friends he had such a passage There may be a great deal of selfishness in seeking Peace I find it best when I am come to the greatest heights of peace to study my duty what it is that God would have me do and to follow him there otherwise I meet with a Cloud His manner was as hath been partly hinted before to make up his accounts every day and the method that he used in his meditation was to consider what God had done for him in the day and what his carriage had been towards God and he would say when he considered what Gods carriage had been to him there he saw that God had been doing him good in a constant tenor but then when he reflected upon himself there he saw many failings and he said there was so action done by him that was ever no good but there was some cireumstance or other that he saw himself imperfect and defective in and it was a remarkable speech of his I have accounted it a greatpitch when the Lord hath shewed me some defects in my best actions that I may go clean out of self unto Christ By this daily and constant exercise of his in reviewing his life and actions every day he kept and maintained much Peace of Conscience and this was one of the great things that God did for him that usually at the close of every day after the casting up of his accounts humble and fervent prayer the Lord made it out to him as he himself expressed it that All was pardoned In this way was he carried on until at last he arrived to as great an habitual perswasion and as constant an apprehension of the love of God as any hath been known to have attained in this latter age so that he walked in the light of Gods countenance from day to day and his way was to study and contemplate the love of God towards him in every thing and much of his Prayers ran this way that his faith might be strengthned to see and behold the love of God in all the passages of his life that so he might as Abraham did give the Lord glory by believing Therefore he would often expres himself in Prayer after this sort Oh that we might behold thy infinite and eternal love constantly so far as finite creatures are capable that the apprehensions of thy love might draw us up again to love thee And he would say We are apt to take notice of some of the greater and more remarkable passages of the love of God as if the Lord gave us some great deliverance or gave us some signal answer of Prayer or bestowed upon us some special blessing which we had much desired but our Heavenly father did not only do us good in these great things but he was still doing us good in a constant tenor even in the least things And as the Lord did much for him in this kind His fear of loosing assurance so he was very jealous of loosing this blessed priviledge viz. the sense that he had of the love of God and the light of his countenance which he walked in There were two things he said that he mainly desired of God the one was that having been a Professor of Religion so long he might be kept from scandalous sins The other was that God would not hide his face from him for he said he was a man of a low Spirit and without Gods presence he could not subsist and therefore said he I saw it necessary to be kept under affliction that I might be humble for God would not reveal himself to proud souls Besides this habitual peace and assurance which he enjoyed His Comforts he had many particular comforts from the Lord at several times and upon several occasions He said there was great familiarity between God his people after they had walked much with him When he lay down to rest at night he had usually that promise spoken over to him Fear not Abraham I am thy shield and thy exceeding great and rich reward When he had been desiring such pitches of holiness he had often such hints as these are I will satisfie thee When he was under any special afflictions he had some special comforts and supports from God When the Lord took away his first wise he was troubled in himself about the disposing of his children then the Lord comforted him thus They are thine but for a time but they are mine for ever and this he said satisfied him Another time having been exercised with a fit of the stone he wrote to a near Relation thus These are to let you know how fatherly God dealeth with us though afflicted yet not forsaken that which sweetens all my afflictions is that inward peace which the Lord is pleased to give me in all my outward pain Many more instances of this kind might be produced The Answers he had to prayer When he was in any special strait or difficulty and needed counsel and direction what course to take the Lord did always first or last after earnest seeking of him make out his way unto him He never sought God in any great affair or extraordinary concernment but he had some answer or other from him he was sure always to have this general answer that God would do him good and that he would order things in the best way The Discoveries he had from God conceruing future events of Providence Psal 25. Gen. 18.17 and often times he had more particular intimations of the mind of God The Lord did also
bitterness of any afflicting providence and may contain our Spirits in an even temper by the expectation of that uninterrupted and eternal joy that we hope one day to enter into when we shall meet never more to be separaced In another of his letters he expressed himself thus We have but an inch of time on earth and then we enter into eternity Oh then let us pray continually effectually fervently that our way may be right and our hearts upright to the finishing of all his wills in duty according to our relations unto all well pleasing He was a man of a very tender Conscience The Tuederness of his Conscience sensible of the least slip and failing and though none was ever known to be more Charitable to others and to make a more Charitable construction of what was done by others yet none was ever more severe against himself or more curious to espy the least sinful defect or irregularity in himself when he perceived the ebullitions of pride self-love covetousness infidelity When he saw the least mixture of carnal and self-ends in his good actions When he observed how prone he was to be byased by man-fearing and man-pleasing as he expressed it from his dutiy This was an inexpressible trouble to him and he would bewail these things with more bitterness then many are wont to do their grosser sins If he had at any time unawares and of a sudden spoken although others it may be apprehended it was not so an uncomely word as he thought unsuitable to the gravity which he conceived became him as a Christian he would bewail it greatly and could never be at rest in himself till he had prayed the persons that he supposed might take offence would pass it by He would be often complaining of his infirmities it was rare to hear him speaking of his comforts or spiritual joys but he would be very frequent in discovering what he found amiss in himself and many things that are very much sleighted by others were curiously observed by him In one of his letters he expresseth himself thus My unthankfulness besides my other sinful infirmities grieveth me sore and I am jealous of myself least the fear of the Rod do trouble me more then my grief for sin In another letter he hath this passage I have found and do find a great difficulty as in other things so in this of health to keep that narrow way of the Lord for I find by woful experience that I am often slipping out either by too much indulgence or too much severity which may rather be termed cruelty the Lord make us wise to avoid both these extreames His great care was to keep himself not only from such things as were in themselves sinful and unlawful but to abstain from all appearance of evil and to cut off occasion of offence from those that might seek it or be apt to take it He said he had found by many years experience that the great difficulty that lay upon the Saints it was in the use of things lawful and indifferent and he said he had often been unawares overtaken this way sometime by the leading aside of his own corrupt nature which was ever willing to take the largesT size and sometime by the mistaking of others who had misapprehended his intentions and made an evil construction of his actions yet God hereby had made him more wise and circumspect Hereupon he would advise to forbear a lawful recreation at some time and place rather then by the use of our Christian liberty occasion the censures of any that were loose and large walking though unjustly raised Another thing wherein the eminency of the grace of God in him appeared His Eminency in self Resignation was the Resignation of himself and all he had to the will of God the nature of grace is very much seen in this which we will as God wills and our wills do follow and not anticipate the Divine and uncreated will this holy man attained a great excellency in this kind it was his great exercise to pray up his will into a one-ness with the will of God he observed it was very incident to our natures to desire to bring down Gods will to ours but it was much better for us to pray up our wills into his when any difficulty lay before him and his natural affections and inclinations would have carried him such a way His first work was not to pray so much that he might obtain that which nature would desire but that this will might be brought up to the will of God and that his Spirit might be brought to an holy indifferency and the Lord did eminently answer him herein for before the issue of providence was discovered his will was usually brought up to the will of God and in several great Cases and emergencies in his life wherein he was much concerned he hath been known to say Touching the issue and success of such a business I have received power through grace to acquiess in the will of God when it is manifest And as it was his great exercise to be much in self-resignation so he made it his endeavour to resign all he had unto the Lords dispose After he had heard of the welfare of some of his Children he thus expressed himself And now what thanks can I render to God for you all only I desire to give you all up to God that hath given you to me for a time His advice also to his Children was to follow his example herein and to give up their nearest comforts to the Lord daily His great desire was to be spiritual in all he did His uprightness and that grace and not nature or fleshly wisdom might sway him in every thing When a near Relation desired his advice and connsel in a business of concernment before he came to give his advice he said Oh that I might be wholly spiritual that no carnal respects might blind mine eyes and this was his constant course when ever he was ingaged in any difficulty or to manage any business wherein he might be much concerned as to the issue of it his first care wes to mind his duty and to study which way grace would teach him to act and his great care was that grace might have the principal sway in all his actions that so it might appear to himself and others that not his natural affections or the principles of fleshly wisdom and carnal policy but grace and the word of God had led him forth to what he did He was wont to say that Duty was ours but the issues and successes of things belonged to God we should therefore study what our own duty was and leave the issue and successes of of things to God When one had desired his advice in a business of importance and great difficulty he wrote thus This one thing let us with incessant importunity crave of the Lord that in this as in all other things he