with injury both to himself and his son to himself by failing in his duty which is ever to keep up his power in all lawful things to his son in laying before him a temptation to disobedience by his example while he omits his duty Indulgence is the inlet to all other traps and snares sad Instances we have had of this in our present Age where all vices are made almost indifferent but such as disturb the tranquility of the Kingdom there are many things of the nature of this relation that cannot consist with a moral Friendship Instance the power and command of the Father the fear and obedience of the son these are contrary to that personal equality which cannot be exempted from Frendship it being as natural to the being and well-being of that concern as inequality is to this of relations the properest expressions between Friends is that which a Father and son never do as constant familiar converse equal conversation wherein they always submit their wills and affections each to other there are many things in frendship that cannot be admitted where there is a challenge of duty and command it is no prejudice to a parent and the duty I owe him to pay all possible endearments to my Friend because there are many things due to the one the other cannot challenge It is not my designe to derogate from any relation that just esteem they ought to have this must be allowed that this relation makes great dearness and a most inviolable Frendship and under such real obligations as the laws of God and men hath made indispensable and that because there are duties that obliged them before any other Frendship could be made and have left such impression as must abide and will never give place to any other because of their propriety which is supreme There are two things especially I shall point at wherein this relation differs from a moral Friendship and that is first in their springs from whence they flow and Secondly in their ends and designes First the love and frendship of the relation is grounded purely upon natural causes and therefore called natural affection there is no need of prudence in this case no man consults his reason whether he shall love his son or not a natural instinct inclines him to that but if his son be rebellious then he hath need of prudence to direct him how to regulate his affections so is his indulgence may not prejudice his son There are many things binding to persons in â—his relation as the law of God the law of â—ature and their love to themselves parents love â—heir children because they love themselves â—hey are perpetuated in their children posterity â—eing the instruments of a civil immortality â—ikewise the son cannot dispute his obedience to â—is father he being bound with his father by the â—ame laws and under more obligations then the â—ather can be 1. he has his being from his father â—y which he is capacitated for al the rest that folâ—ow as his preservation education example supâ—ly all these adde to the sons obligations but â—oral frendship has no law or obligation predisâ—osing the persons for frendship but is grounded upon moral principles and is animated by that profit reward pleasure that is annexed to the object Love in this respect is the effect of an unconstrained choice and therefore is not subject to those uncertainties that natural affections are nothing holds the affection stronger and longer then a free choice we experience this the love of relations is not much to be trusted in as the duties so the love of relations is changeable and much altered by accidents instance parents much abate in their affections to their children that once they dearly loved haply occasioned by some rebellious unworthy carriage actions against commands perswasions threatnings and intreaties which aggravate the crimes and make them inexcusable sometimes cross marriages become a great ground of quarrell when they are inferiour or unequal Again when sons put themselves upon dishonourable designes and by their extravagances brings a general ruine upon themselves and families and grow so desparate that instead of cherishing and supporting their parents against the injuries of others lay violent hands on them themselves and imbrew their hands in their bloud or consent with others unnaturally designing against them from whom they have their being David had such a son in Absalom all which so alienates the hearts of parents that they cannot give them a favorable aspect without censure nor a place in their thoughts but with reluctancies and the aggravations which second these high provocations are so many and hainous that natural affection sometimes is thereby quit and abandoned and â—hat upon just and solid grounds Othertimes paâ—ents fail in their duty to their children and carry it unnaturally toward them that have deserved â—etter nothing more notorious then for men to forsake the sons of their love preferring fome Dalilah before them upon whom they prodigalâ—y spend their substance discouraging and corrupting their children together which they do by their inhumane actions and vicious practises and this is worthy our consideration how separation will alienate the affections of relations so that there shall not remain in them a powerful inclination either to sollicit or endeavour the prosperity one of another but shall prefer a faithful servant before the relation this hath been so amazing to me that I have thought natural affection one of the greatest uncertainties of humane life and not to be confided in because men so strangely degenerate in this respect that they make themselves inferiour to the brutes Secondly as the original from whence the love of this relation comes is incongruous to that of Frendship so their ends are contrary Frendship designes nothing more then the pleasure of society whereby by communicating each others joys and hopes afflictions and disappointments they come to obtain the proper and most useful effects of Frendship but parents have no such expectation they do not aim at a sociable contentment in their children nor children in their parents how freely do parents and children consent to be divided sometimes into the farthest part of the world one from another if their persons estates or content may be advanced by it and are very well satisfied to meet once or twice in their whole lives or to converse together in a few lines which are uncertainly ventured and seldom arrive at the desired place and when they come can do no more but tell them they left a relation alive but how long he hath continued so since is most uncertain men account themselves rich in relations when their propriety is so far removed that they serve only for contemplation and generation both which gives but a general no particular contentment it is otherwise among friends they cannot satisfie themselves in contemplation fruition is that which compleats their felicity Friends are like the turtles they never associate themselves with other
birds they never sing and fly abroad for recreation as other birds do but they have their peculiar notes for each other and when the one dies the other droops till he dies so friends they need none of those vanities that are remote they never search after them the chatting of Friends is to themselves a most pleasing note they live in the embraces of each other and if one dies how impatiently doth the other lament after him until he die also So then it is plain by what has appeared in this argument that this relation of Father and son hath not in it the capacity of a moral Frendship how then can it have the signification of it The Second Relation to be examined is Husband and Wife the former relation was grounded upon natural causes but this upon justice and reason pursuant to a solemn league and Covenant which cannot be violated but by the worst perfidiousness and as the love of that relation was natural this is conjugal and in some respect greater then natural affection because here are greater obligations and more binding duties annexed to this relation then to any other and that by a twofold law the law of God and the law of man I must expect to meet with many persons that will think themselves disobliged by this argument therefore I must say something to fatisfie them I must confess I have less pleasure in this part of the discourse then in all the rest This relation by a groundless supposition has been deemed the best capacity for Frendship as having in it self all that accomodation necessary Let us consider the persons and then the relation the persons strictly considered are not fit for this concern not only because of the difference in sexes though that be something but upon many other material considerations First There is the greatest inequality possible in the persons and it is constituted by the relation it self persons may be equall before marriage they cannot be so afterwards now what makes the change only the relation nothing else could do it if a King gives his Crown and throne to a slave it 's no wonder if the slave possesses that throne and Crown and he be degraded but this is not so great a prejudice as sometimes happens in marriages for the slave is but an usurper and there is no law to confirm him in that undeserved grandure but those that make a like adventure in this relation they do not onlâ— throw away their robes and become equal iâ— subjection to persons of abject spirits and coâ—ditions and subservient to such as were slaveâ— before or so inferiour that they would havâ— thought it preferment enough to have had thâ— meanest imploy about their persons and thaâ— which aggravates it is that this bondage cannoâ— be thrown off as in the former instance but iâ— is confirmed by a Law both civil and moral whicâ— cannot be violated there are many things of thâ— nature of Frendship and such as are most eminent which cannot stand with this relation instance they cannot submit their judgments and wills one to another in all things this Frendship must do or it cannot be and this is expected among Frends which are equal but not among those that cannot be so for a superiour to submit his judgment and will to an inferiour is neither just nor convenient but for the inferiour to submit both to the superiour is just and necessary it is true there is command and duty in Frendship but those that command and them that obey are equal and though they may sometimes command different things they have not different wills but this cannot be where command and duty is severally in the persons because where there is an absolute power to command there follows a proportionable obligation to obey as a just due that cannot be excused or omitted and because power is not alwaies so regular and just as it ought to be therefore it is that there is such difference jarring among inferiors and superiors and this will ever be so long as men hath any thing of pride or passion and so they augment or lessen their authority by these rules and hereby sometimes the state of marriage is so imbittered that it becomes harsh and ungrateful they will pleade the threatning this desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee and the laws of men are seldom favourable in this kinde but imposeth more upon it as we finde by the civil law of Nations which commands the man proving bankrupt and cast into prison his wife be sold if she be worth it to redeem her husband and as if the bondage were not severe enough the consent of the wife comes in and twists the cord and makes it yet stronger the woman is obliged by no law till she bindes her self by a voluntary consent neither law of God nor man doth constrain her to come under these restrictions but finding her there lays more obligations upon her 2ly let us examine the relation it self some say that conveys Frendship we will look into the first marriage that in Paradise if a perfect Frendship can be conveyed by the relation we shall finde there Adam had as much reason to contract a perfect frendship with Eve as any man ever had she being made of the body of Adam in a more peculiar maner then any else ever was and because she was the gift of God immediatly delivered to Adam as a token of special favour and because there was no creature so suitable to him as she was and this similitude was some inducement from a natural principle that inclines every creature to love its like yet notwithstanding all this we see that in Adam that seems contrary to Frendship in many things especially this that he so readily and upbradingly laid thaâ— blame upon his wife a true friend would have taken upon himself so that there seems a want of Frendship in paradise and this may very well be paradise was not without its wants man wanted a wife for generation and why not a friend for counsel advice and conversation had Eve had a faithful friend who would have encouraged and strengthned her against the insinuations of the serpent she might have baffled his arguments and repelled his strongest temptations on the other side had Adam been so happy to have had a faithful monitor in the intermi when the temptation lay before him he would not have so rashly ventured upon the breach of that primitive and positive command yet he had a greater advantage then the woman in that he might have argued the point with the woman with less surprise then the woman could with the Serpent he had the advantage of discourse with her he might have demanded of her how she could think to escape the penalty of so peremptory a law and by what arguments she was invited to the breach of so positive a command and what advantage she propounded to her self in so bold and
criminal an undertaking such arguing might have given some check to the temptation much arguing there was between the woman and the Serpent where was Adam then had there been Frendship Adam could not have been so long from Eve being in the same garden with her till the Serpent could accomplish so great a work this seems to be a work of time neither is it likely had there been this amity that she would have intended much less have acted any thing till she had acquainted Adam with it with whom she would have had inclination enough to advise with in such a difficult case there being always a communication of affairs between friends no wonder the woman was seduced when all the wit and policy of hell was imployed to do it but Adam without that was betrayed he hastily ventures without reservation and exception upon the breach of so positive a command Again if this relation could convey the best Frendship none in that relation could miss it but experience evinces the contrary we finde not seldom their open enmity if the relation could convey it though there was little love before marriage there would be no want of it after but this is clear to common observation that where persons have ventured into this relation before the affection and fancy hath been fixed the relation hath been so far from engaging the affections and uniting the heart that it hath encreased the enmity and sometimes to murther and other violent acts and I might bring many reasons for this but I do not love to rake in a kennel Again as repeated fruition is the most binding thing among Friends in this relation it is most loosening I have heard some say and seriously to that repeated fruition is a dull thing blunts the edge of the greatest affection Frendship in this relation would be arbitrary and therefore it is that there are such strong commands obliging persons to the duties of it as is evident by the laws of God and man It is observable that Frendship is most tied and yet most free there are no laws confining friends they have no need of coaction to obedience love is a law to it self this shews the natural unfixedness of the one and the stability of the other some men were they left to their liberty as friends are they would change their wives as often as they put off their clothes men are much guided by humour and fancy small things deludes the fancy at one time and things as contemptible will alter it at another men hastily catch at a wife she pleaseth him well after a little while fancy hath found out some new object and then we hear them say they cannot fancy the old the new is better but Frendship is ever guided by reason and judgment and findes more amiableness and loveliness in the object every day give me leave to adde that persons in this relation are not capable of those convenient and necessary acts of kindeness that friends are Instance in emergences of state or times of war a frend may be eminently useful in either but what can a wife do she can have no vote in Council nor command in war The wife of David though the daughter of Saul and therefore did not want interest when he left the Court and betook himself to the wars signified little to him but Ionathan his friend was more useful then then ever and this is most considerable the advantage frendship has beyond relations for personal kindeness which comes to pass from hence because they are united in heart though not in person in a legal sense as men and their wives are and this is no small advantage hereby they are more useful in times of extremity where none will assist and help but them alone many acts of frendship women are not capable of if a husband be arrested his wife cannot bail him but his friend can if her testimony be never so full and pertinent it will not be taken for her husband I might instance in many other things but I hasten from this ungratefull argument Lastly If Frendship were made by this relation then no man would seek it elsewhere but we see those persons who have as much content as the relation can give ambition this state of frendship and they make the firmest and strongest alliances in this regard and the reason they give is this that they would finde satisfaction most suitable to their nature and being and that say they can be no where but among equals where this only can be found that the hearts are united and the persons free to all friendly acts and entercourses and this cannot be among relations where the persons are joyned but too often the hearts are free I hope none will mistake and think I have no true value for this relation I have really a great respect for this relation and highly esteem it where it is in truth rightly managed They are most happy that meet with least disappointments every one will conclude poverty and sickness what a change do they make persons in this relation aim at many ends which if they miss they are impatient and that because there doth not seem efficacy enough in the relation to command a submission to any great disappointment And by how much the more evils cannot be foreseen by so much the more intolerable they be I shall point at but one end and that is children if they fail of this end as sometimes they do what an alienation doth this make or rather a separation I am loth to say it is plain enough but friends can miss their ends in many thâ—ngs without distraction crosses doth not separate them but rather unite them Ionathan and David were never so united as then when affliction seized them then it was that they renewed their covenant and strengthned their affections one towards another Thus I have led you through two relations the one grounded upon the principles of nature and therefore binding the other upon a promise or covenant no less obliging to both these friendship is due but not that friendship or love I am treating of there is natural affection due to the one and a conjugal love due to the other which must be paid with all care and circumspection I shall touch a little briefly upon the third relation and so come to what I most aim at The Third Relation I am to speak to is that of Brethren I shall consider the persons and relation jointly brethren having in them all that worthiness that friendship requires are the fittest subjects for friendship but they do not pass into it upon the account of relation nature passes but little but as they are disposed and prepared for it either by natural qualities or moral excellencies We see brothers that live apart and adopt themselves to Families remote they have little love Frendship is nourished by the same matter by which it was first made it was created by communion and fellowship