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A95539 The essence, quintessence, insence, innocence, lye-sence, & magnifisence of nonsence upon sence: or, Sence upon nonsence. The third part, the fourth impression, the fifth edition, the sixth addition, upon condition, that (by tradition) the reader may laugh if he list. In longitude, latitude, crassitude, magnitude, and amplitude, lengthened, widened, enlarged, augmented, encreased, made wider and sider, by the addition of letters, syllables, words, lines, and farfetch'd sentences. And the lamentable death and buriall of a Scottish Gallaway nagge. Written upon white paper, in a brown study, betwixt Lammas day and Cambridge, in the yeare aforesayd. Beginning at the latter end, and written by John Taylor at the sign of the poor Poets Head, in Phœnix Alley, near the middle of Long Acre, or Coven Garden. Anno, millimo, quillimo, trillimo, daffadillimo, pulcher. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. 1654 (1654) Wing T458; Thomason E1465_1; ESTC R209618 11,023 23

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THE Essence Quintessence Insence Innocence Lye-sence Magnifisence OF Nonsence upon Sence OR SENCE upon NONSENCE The third Part the fourth Impression the fifth Edition the sixth Addition upon Condition that by Tradition the Reader may laugh if he list In Longitude Latitude Crassitude Magnitude and Amplitude lengthened widened enlarged augmented encreased made wider and sider by the addition of Letters Syllables Words Lines and far fetch'd Sentences And the lamentable Death and Buriall of a Scottish Gallaway Nagge Written upon White Paper in a Brown Study betwixt Lammas Day and Cambridge in the Yeare aforesayd Beginning at the latter end and written by John Taylor at the sign of the poor Poets Head in Phoenix Alley near the middle of Long Acre or Coven Garden Anno Millimo Quillimo Trillimo Daffadillimo Pulcher. In Laudem Authoris MUst Non-sence fill up every Page Is it to save th' expence Of wit or will not this dull Age Be at the Charge of sence But John though Fortune play the Whore Let not the Vulgar know it Perhaps if you had not been poor You had not been a Poet. Your Estate 's held in Capite It lies upon Pernassus Complain not then of Poverty You are as rich as Crassus H. B. Nonsense upon Sense c. MOūt meekly low on blew presumptuous wings Relate the force of fiery water Springs Tell how the Attick and Antartick Pole Together met at Hockley in the Hole How Etna and Vessuvius in cold bloud Were both drown'd in the Adriatick floud Speak truth like a Diurnall let thy Pen Camelion like rouze Lions from their Den Turne frantick Wolpacks into melting Rocks And put Olympus in a Tinder box Report how Russian Cats doe barke like dogs And Scithian Mountains are turnd Irish Bogs Feast Ariadne with Tartarian Tripes Transforme great Canons to Tobacco-pipes Make Venus like a Negro white as jet And puffe-paste of the Tomb of Mahomet Then mounted on a Windmill presently To Dunstable in Derbyshire I 'le flie From thence I le take the Chariot of the Sun And swim to Scotland and bring news what 's done From thence I le soare to silver Cintha's lap And with Endimion take a nine years nap There I le drinke healths with smug-face Mulciber At all the twelve signes in the Hemisphere Tush tell not me these things are past dispute I le from th' Hesperides bring golden fruit Such as the Poets Palfrey Pegasus Fetch'd from the fertile Molehill Caucasus T is not the Persian Gulph or Epshams Well Nor Westminsters sweet Plum-broth made in Hell Can change my resolution I have vow'd To speake with silence and to write aloud That Bulls of Basan and the Circean Swine Shall all dance Trenchmore at these words of mine Rouze up thou Ghost of Gusman and apply Thy selfe to me and let 's write Tempe dry Be rul'd by me we 'le empty all Hellicon In scribling ' gainst the Whore of Babylon The Dunsmore Cows milke shall make Sillibubs And our Religion shall be brought in Tubs Make hast unto the faire call'd Bartholomew And thence from the Heroick Mungrell Crew Take the fine gugaw hobby horses all Which we will man and then a Counsell call And conquer Callice Kent and Christendome Knock down the Turck and bravely ransack Rome What can be done more What more can be sed Let 's play at Blind man-buffe for Ginger-bread We 'le have a dish of Dabs in Fish-street drest And with the Lobsters Ladies we will feast For as the Gowt is but a pleasing itch The best Bear-garden Bull-dog was a Bitch We have both eight and eighteen parts of speech Whereby I learn Ash burns as well as Beech Gargantua's scull is made a frying pan To fry or follow the Leviathan That Gogmagog Nick Wood or Mariot Nor Creatan Miloe or Iscariot Were not such valiant stomack'd men as those That eat the Devils gowty petitoes Hark hark how from the South fierce Boreas rores Give me a Sculler or a pair of Oares I le make the Orient and the Occident Both friends at Smithfield in the wild of Kent For now Tom Holders Mare hath broke her Cruppe Dresse me a dish of Ae-dipthongs to supper The Dean of Dunstable hath bought and sold Twelve lies new Printed for two groats in gold T is almost past the memory of man Since famous Arthur first in Court began Yet though King Lud did raign in Troynovaunt Will Summers was no kin to John of Gaunt What news from Tripoly ware horns there ho The West-wind blows South-North at Ierico Steer well and steady boyes look look to th' Helme Fetch Goesberries that grow upon the Elme Like Cormorants le ts live upon the Ayre And of a Whirle-poole make a Marble Chair Blind men may see and deafe men all shall hear How dumb men talk because Cow-hides are dear Go to th' Utopian Kingdome and relate That to their King these lines I dedicate Bid him take note of me and understand He hath not such a Poet in his Land Down by the dale with milk and cream that flows Upon a Hill below the Valley grows Hungarian Peacocks white as crimson Geese There sate a Rat upon a Holland Cheese No sooner did blind Bayard see the sight Two beauteous ugly Witches took their flight To tell the King of China wondrous news How all Scotch Knaves were hang'd and English Iews Th' Athenian Hidra and the Bird Torpedo Were catcht in France in Mouse-traps near Toledo A Scolopendra comming neare Pickthatch Made drunke a Constable and stole the watch Do what you can Madge howlet is an Owle And Beans with Buttermilke is rare wild Fowle The Coblers daughter wee three both together Wee 'le match he 'l give a thousand pieces with her Besides the smoak of Keinsam and Bell-Swagger Who oft at Mims did use his dudgeon Dagger Then shall the Perecranians of the East South North and West with every bird and Beast All knuckle deep in Paphlagonian Sands Inhabite Transilvanian Netherlands 'T is the onely gallant way to gaine promotion To squeese Oyle from the Cindars of Devotion Translate our Rowndhead Turnips into Carrets And turne the lowest Cellars to high Garrets Let Neptune be a shepheard and let Vulcan Make hast to Greeneland and there drinke his full Kan Titus Andronicus hath writ a Treatise Of Molehils in the entrance of Dame Theatis Wherein a man may learn before he looks To catch mince-pies with neither nets nor hooks There policy with practise cut and dri'd Were carted both in triumph through Cheapside If Monday hang himselfe no further seek Henceforth Tuesday shall begin the week No more of that I pray I am afear'd Ther 's not one haire upon Diana's beard Great Agamemnon late combin'd with Hector To preach at Amsterdam an Irish Lector Which shall convert the Horse the Asse and Mule And all the Beasts in Hipperborean Thule If Sun-shine will with shaddowes but consent We 'le make the winter of our discontent To force fierce Crook-back into better tune And turne
Dedication is humbly directed to a living man quartered into four Offices viz. a Scavenger a Beadle a Cobler and halfe a Constable TO the high and mighty Davidius Vulcanus Duke and Dominator of the Dunghils and absolute resolute dissolute Scavenger of the Town and Territories of Gravesend in Norfolk great Master and Baron of the Wheel-barrow the only Farmer Transporter Lord of the Soyle and Privy searcher of all Mixens and Muckhils simple or compound in the Liberties aforesaid Cleanser Clearer and avoyder of the most Turpitudinous Merdurinous excrementall offals Muck and Garbage Refiner Purger Clarifier Purifier Mundifier Excluder and Expulser of Putrifactious and Pestiferous Contagions the Potentissimo Excellentissimo Invader Scatterer Disperser Consumer and Confounder of offensive unsavoury savours smels scents and Vapours Great Soldan Sultan and Grand Signiour over all varieties of stinks and stinkards most Triumphant Termagant vnresistable Conquerour and Commander of the major and minor the great and the less Turditanians chief Corrigidor Beadle of all the Precinct sole Transplanter Terrifier Controler and Corrector of Beggers and Vagabonds The terrible Hue and Cry Cryer chiefe Court-Cryer Jayle-Keeper and only Consiner of the Hogs chiefe and most frequent vigilant Watchman demy-Constable and Image of Authority the most accomplished Cobler exquisite Translator and exact Reformer of oppressed decayed wicked oppressed soals And the only judiciary rectifier underlayer and setter upright of such Brethren and Sisters as doe goe aside and tread their foot awry in these dayes of Vanity and paths of Iniquity In hope Great Sir I have not abated you of the least tittle of your title your Honorable stile being so high that no Christian Pagan Heathen Turk Jew Infidell Cuckold or Canniball can never climb to the top of it there being a late report that your multiplicity and many affaires of State have disturbed your rest impaired your health insomuch as it is thought your pericranion is crazed or cracked and you thereby in danger to fall into a Callenturian disease which is to be doubted may produce a Vertigo in your head wherby your wit may be troubled with a superfluous flux which may prove a molestation to your selfe and the whole Town that hath in it selfe and in every place round about it more troubles then they can well bear But if their hard fortune should be that when you are working to your own Ends and that you should call for your Aule and death should mistake and bring you your Last whereby such a privy member as your selfe might be publickly lost it is feared griefe would overflow the whole Town and that some of the Townesmen with the help of their Wives would run starke horne mad To prevent this great detriment of such a losse as that Town may undergo in this time of scarcity of wit wisdome and wise men for feare you should fall into the dangerous diseases of the Mubble-fubbles or the grumbling of the Gizzard Therefore to drive away dumps and to give you some Recreation I have made bold to present your greatnesse with this Dedication which if you will vouchsafe but to read and understand and in so doing you shal do more for the Authour then he ever was or shall do himselfe J. T. Allandro pasqueto Valatrumpa entangrino liuroe IL vento Chioli Mauritambull Teda fulgare Antro della campo ill Danto Corda sublima Pantathos stremo standina eschine vandri Bene in shendo tircia penthe dissadi Mecrops Sans sida vocifera Randa Bavinea Allatendrea quanto Eltrada Pizminoy venta Mega Pollimunton Theorba quasi quicunque Tripolina Tiphon Quabacondono sapho Terra tragmus sophye sunt diacalcitheo Geata Avostre Obserdandi Zhean De Fistye Cankie De Sallamanca Andalowsia Or thus you may English it in the transcending prayse of the Authour and his Booke TIll PHOEBUS blustring blasts shall cease to blow And AEOLUS shall hide his radiant Rayes Till VULCANS Forge be fram'd of Scithian Snow And NEPTUNE like a Shepheard spend his dayes When SATURNE shall sell Mouse traps and allow MARS to sing Madrigals and round delayes Then shall thy Book and thee be out of Date And scorn the envy of consuming Fate To your Worthinesse in all observance Devoted John De●istie Cankie of Sallamanca in Andalusia SWift Pepasus lend me thy Hoofes and Wings Tempe and Aganipp and such strange things As Poets do call Hellicon and Muses That with ingenious wit the braine infuses In nimble strains make my invention wag And tell the sad death of a Scottish Nag A Nag of Nags as those that knew him say Whose birth and breeding was in Galloway Which Countrey though it barren be and bare His Mother was a well reputed Mare He had all paces and more swift then Wind Could trot before and amble well behind He had two sorts of gallops false and true That when he did but run men thought he flew Sure he was kin to winged Pegasus And of the race of great Bucephalus But I le not rake up old Antiquity To prove his Ancesters old Pedigree Let it suffice that such a Horse he was That could in measure bravely pace and passe A Bay a gallant Bay most swift and quick Not having one base scurvy jadish trick There 's many brave men in their finest trim Wants what this Nag had sound of wind and Limb. He di'd untimely by a sad disaster And death unluckily unhors'd his master Though Horses of diseases have too many Yet in his life time he had never any He had no Chin-gall Wind-gall Navell-gall Or Staggers Spur-gall Light-gall Shacksgall Nor Wormes or anticore or Salenders Nor Scatches Dropsie or the Mallenders No Palsey Feaver vext him or Pompardy No frenzy troubled him he was so hardy No Glanders Cough the Yellows or Pole evill Or Spavens Splinters Fashions or Colt-evill Nor Ring-bones Quitter-bones no Curbs or Hawse Were of this Nags death any griefe or Cause No Cramp or Canker Crestfall or the Vives Or bloudy Riffes that shorten Horses lives He had no Crown-scab nor was ever found To have the Hawkes or Toothach or Hide-bound Or Bots or Botch or Paps his health did wound No tongue-hurt Farley rotten Frush or Cloy'd No Kybes or broken wind his health annoy'd No Bladders Surbates Wrench or Tyrednesse No strain no Scottish fleas or lowsinesse No prick 'i th soale Neck-creek or shoulder-splat Or Strangle he ne'r troubled was with that He had no Pin and Web loose-hoof'd or gravel'd Bloud-shot or founder'd whensoere he travel'd Horse hip'd he was not or in 's Groyn a Wen Nor Rot i' th Lungs nor shed his hair what then Did kill him some suppose it was the Pose But we are all deceiv'd 't was none of those No Megrim was his death or Calenture He with a Surfeit dy'd an Epicure But change of Pasture altring of the Ayre The health of M●n or Horse may much impaire For by old PAR it plainly doth appear Who liv'd in Shropshire sevenscore thirteen year Was by