to know of my passed and preuented perilles for his sake because these are moste true arguments of my vndoubted loue and faith and I can scarce thinke otherwise but that he hath taried so long and to none other ende but onely to prooue if with a constant minde I coulde without forgetting him attend his comming againe Behold therefore and with what force of minde I haue expected him Wherefore from hencefoorth when hee shall perceiue wyth what paine teares and with how many millions of martyring thoughts I haue looked for him loue shall be borne anewe againe in him and no other God Ah when shall it come to passe that hée béeing once arriued shall sée me and I him againe God seeth all things O yée Goddes which from your high thrones contemplate all thinges héere beneath may I temper and moderate my eager desire from embracing his bodie before all men as soone as I shall sée him Truelie I beléeue I shall hardlie doo it O bounteous Gods when shall it bee that enfolding him straightly betwéene mine armes I shall render him treble againe those kisses which at his departure hee gaue to my dying lyppes without any exchaunge for them againe Certes the presage which I noted that I was not able to bidde him farewell is nowe true and by that the Gods haue verie well declared to me his returne O yée gracious Gods when will that time come when I may ioyfully recount vnto him the Seas of salt teares and the worldes of woes which I haue passed and worne out and when shall I knowe the occasion of his long and sorrowfull absence shal I liue so long Alas I scarcely think it Ah let that day come quicklie because death not long since so often called and procured of me doth nowe terrify mee which if possiblye my prayers can enter into his eares I humbly beséech that flying farre from me he would let mee spende the remainder of my yong yéeres in ioy and pleasure with my beloued Panphilus I was therefore verie carefull that no day shold passe me wherein I did not employe my whole study and diligence to bee verie inquisitiue of Panphilus his returne and to heare also of some true newes of him And my déere Nurce was not negligent in séeking out the yong Gentleman bringer of these glad tidings because she might with more surenes be acertained of that which she had tolde mée which thing she did not only once but as often times as cōueniently she could and as many times as she had doone before she did alwaies bring mee worde that his returne was nigh at hand Wherfore I did not onely expect the promised time but procéeding a little further I did imagine it possible that he was now come And therfore a hundred times in the day I did runne sometimes beneath to the dore sometimes to the windowe looking round about me a great way if I might perceiue him come And I sawe not any manne comming a farre of that way that he should come but I dyd verilie imagine that it was he and with great desire didde looke on him so long vntill cōming néerer vnto me I might easily perceiue that it was not he Whereat béeing somewhat gréeued in minde I looked out to sée if any other came and sometimes one and now another passing by and séeing that none of them was hee I remained my gréedy desire and hope deceiued ful of confusion and very angry with my selfe And if I was perhaps called into the house or els by some other vrgent occasion went from the windowe a hundred thousand thoughts as if a multitude of dogs grinding their téeth at me had bittē my soule did sting and molest me saying to my selfe Alas euen now perhaps he goeth by or els is already passed whilst thou art héere busied about not so contented an office and immediatly I went againe to sée if I coulde sée him come Reade Ariosto of her that attended the returne of her Louer making it but a short time betwéene going downe to the dore and running quickly vp to the window againe Ah poore soule and wretched Woman how much sorrow and how many troubles diddest thou sustayne for him whom howrely looking for thou couldest neuer perceiue to come But after that the day was come in which my Nurce told mee that he should arriue and of the which she had so often foretold me I adorned my selfe no otherwise then Alcmena did when she heard that her Amphitrio was at hande and wyth my mastering hand left not any thing in me vnbeautified but sette forth in the best and brauest order and in the finest fashion And I coulde scarce kéepe my selfe in from going to the Sea syde because I myght the sooner see hym because also I hearde certaine newes of the arriual of those Gallies in the which my Nurce vnderstood and certified me that he should come But thinking with my selfe that the first Saint that he would visite on shoare was my selfe I therefore bridled my earnest and hote desire But in fine as I rightlie gesse he came not at all whereuppon I beganne beyonde all measure to meruaile and in the middes of my late ioye arised in my minde diuers kinds of doubtes which were not so easilie ouerthrowne by superficicall suppositions of his comming or by any other shaddowes of glad some thoughts After a little while therefore I sent the old Woman to know what was become of him and whether he was come or not who went as it séemed with such an vnwilling minde and with as flow a pace which did diuine of some consequent and sorrowfull tydinges Wherefore I accursed many times with my selfe and with greate anger blamed her crooked steppes and aged paces Who staying but a little time abroade came to me againe with a sorrowfull chéere and dull gate Signes of one that bringeth ill newes Alas when I sawe her come in this sort I could hardlie containe my soule in my bodie and therefore suddainly imagined that my Louer was deade by the way or els that hee was arriued verie sicke The colour of my face chaunged a thousande times in one instant and going to méete the dreaming Nurce I saide vnto her Tel me quickly what newes doost thou bring Doth my Louer liue Shee chaunged not her gate nor answered me one word And béeing nowe entred into my Chamber and setting her selfe downe looked me very pittifullie in the face Wherefore euerie parte of my bodie being shaken like the tender Aspen leaues by some soft winde I did beginne nowe to tremble and hardly restraining my teares I crossed myne armes and did put my hands into my sorrowfull bosome saying If thou doost not tell me quickly what this thy sorrowfull countenaunce doth meane and what these sadde signes which thou doost bring with thée doo signify there shall not any part of my garments remaine whole to my body nor hayre vntorne from my head What secrete occasion therefore may it be
a hote and burning passion wherevpon the foresayde forces returning to their places againe brought with them a certaine heate which driuing all palenes quite away paynted my face like the vermillion Rose and made me burne as hote as fire And yet beholding from whence all this dydde procéede I could not but breathe out a sorrowfull sigh And from that howre forwarde my thoughtes were occupyed in nothing els but meditating of his braue personage and apparant vertues and especially in imagining howe to please him In all these intercourses without chaunging of place or countenaunce he did most priuilie steale now then a looke at me againe And peraduenture as one who hadde béene a tryed Souldiour in other amorous battailes and knowing with what Engines his wyshed praye might best be taken wyth arguments of greater humilitie continually he shewed himselfe more pittifull and full of amorous desires Alas how much deceite was hydden vnder the vaile of that pietie which according as the present effects doo testifie béeing nowe mortified in his hart where it neuer reuiued againe bare onely but an outward show and vysard of loue And because I may prosecute euery thing action in perticuler whereof there was not any which was not fraught with rare fraude and cunning guile whither it was he that voluntarily did worke it or my vnlucky stars that would haue it so thus it fell out that wanting the due skyl exactly to shew you how I found my selfe entangled wyth suddaine and vnlooked for loue as at this present I am not frée from the same Thys therefore was he most pittifull Ladyes whom my conquered hart wyth a foolish conceite amongst so manie noble beautifull and valiant yong Gentlemen that were not onely there present but also in all my Parthenope dyd choose to be the first Naples the onely and last Lorde and maister of my life This was he whom I loued and do loue styll more then anie one in all the worlde besides Thys was hee who was the beginning and principall occasion of all my woes and shal be as I hope the finall cause of my tragicall death at laste Thys was that day in the which first of a most frée and happy Lady I became a most miserable vnhappy captiue Thys was that day in the which I did first apprehende the miserable effects of foolish loue neuer knowne of me before This was that day wherin venereous venoms contaminated first my pure and chaste breaste Alas poore wretch how manie sorrowes and what misery came thys day into the world to thée by thine owne default Howe far alas should annoy and griefe haue béene from me yf thys day had béene turned into darknes and howe great an enemie was this day to my vnstayned honor But euill things alas which are committed and past All things which are doone may be sooner controlled then remedied may be easier reprehended then amended I was therefore taken as I haue sayde and whither it was some infernall furie or enuious fortune which did so emulate my chast felicitie laying snares to entrappe mee may thys day wyth hope of infallible victory tryumph and reioyce in my miserable fall Béeing therefore possessed nay rather oppressed with new kinds of passions as one astonied and like a sencelesse Woman I satte amongst the other Ladyes and Gentlewomen And troubled thus in mind I did neglect the sacred and diuine seruice which as I did scarcely heare so dyd I not vnderstande it at all and thought the sundry speeches and discourses of Gentlewomen that satte round about me but a kind of buzzing and murmuring in my troubled eares And so this newe and vnexpected loue did take suddaine possession of my tender hart so that eyther wyth myne eyes or with my thoughtes I was euer contemplating on my beloued yong Gentleman And yet my simplicitie was such that I did not almost then know what ende I might wysh or desire of such a straunge and feruent passion How many times alas coueting to haue séene him approche néere vnto mee did I blame his staying behind al the rest of the Gentlemen thinking wyth my selfe that that was but a colde kinde of affection in him which he did perhaps craftilie vse and for a pollicie to make mee more desirous to looke on hym and in looking to loue him more And moreouer the companie of lustie youthes that stoode before hym did greatly hinder my sight of whom whilst that I busied myne eyes in looking sometimes amongst thē there were not a fewe that thinking that for theyr sakes I looked so much towards them did vainely perhappes beléeue that I did it for loue of them But while my thoughts and sences were occupyed in these fancyes the sollemne seruice was finished and the Ladyes and the rest of my companions were risen vp to depart when I recalling my wits together which went wandring about the swéete imagination and figure of theyr onely obiect at the last I beheld my louelie yong Gentleman againe And now my selfe risen vp with the other Gentlewomen ready to be gone and turning mine eyes towardes him I perceiued that by his pittifull lokes which I had thought to haue preuented by mine that his departure and mine didde greatlie gréeue him But notwithstanding after certaine secrete sighes and yet ignorant of what parentage estate and condition hee was I went away Alas gentle Ladies who would beléeue it possible that ones hart in a moment and point of time shoulde alter and chaunge so much Who would say that a man neuer séene before might be so extreamelie loued at the first sight And who would thinke that the desire of séeing should bee so feruentlie kindled in ones breast as the very sight it selfe and béeing depriued of that to féele the greatest paine in the world for desire to sée the same thing againe Who would imagin that all those things that haue béene so ioyfull and delightful to vs before in respect of a newe thing come in place should not yéelde anie more pleasure at all Not any one truely vnlesse he had prooued and felt them as I doo nowe Alas that loue is not onelie content to vse such a strange and too seuere kinde of crueltie towardes mee Howe loue is engēdred in diuers parts and soules of the body successiuely but in subduing mee to his might to prescribe new Lawes cléene variant from others I haue oftentimes hearde that loue in others at his first entrance is but light but by nourished thoughtes augmenting his force is made greater But so it fared not with mee for he entred into my heart wyth that same force wherwith hée continued euer afterwardes as one who at the verye firste assault had most entyre and frée possession of me And lyke as the gréene wood which is hardly at the first sette on fire and doth lie a long time before it receiueth flames but after it is once kindled with greater heate dooth conserue the fire longer euen so it happened
so strongly perswaded of theyr trueth that I turned my breake brayne thoughts into pittifull prayers to the deuine powers that they would take the same from mée apprehending them so forciblie in my mynde and no more nor lesse then if before mine eyes I had séene his imminent daunger and instaunt death And sometimes I remember that with fyrme beléefe I bewayled hys woefull ende as if I hadde séene any of these intellectuall aduersyties indéede But afterwardes I sayd to my selfe Alas what straunge causes are these which my miserable thoughtes cast before my eyes The Goddes forbydde that any such may befall Let him stay still and as long as pleaseth hym and let hym rather then to content mee or to offer hym selfe to any daungerous ieopardie whych may chaunce indéede though nowe they doo but delude my troubled wyttes not returne nor sée mée at all All which perilles though they are indéede possible yet are they impossible to bée kept close béeing most lyke that the vntimely and violente death of so noble and famous a younge Gentleman as hée is cannot longe bée hydden and concealed especiallie from mée of whose estate and welfare I doo carefully cause and with secrete and subtyle inuestigations doo continually procure dillygent enquirie to bée made And who dooth doubte moreouer if that any of these supposed perrilles were true but that flying Fame Fame a swifte reporter of ill thinges the swift reporter of ill newes would haue long since brought the maner of hys death hether By meanes of whych fortune but my least freende in thys would haue giuen mée an open waie to haue made mee the most sadde and most sorrowfull woman that might be Wherefore I rather beléeue that he remaineth in as great gréefe as I am in if that his most willinge returne is forbidden onely by the heauy commaundementes of his father and therefore he will come quickly or else excusing hys staying so long will for my great comfort write to me the occasion thereof Truely the foresayd thoughts although they did fiercely assault mee yet were they easily enough ouercome and the hope which by the terme determined was enforced to flie from me with all my power I did retaine laying downe before it the long and feruent looue which he bare vnto me and I to him his pawned fayth the adiured and sacred Goddes and his infinite teares in which thinges I did affirme and thinke it impossible that any deceite or guile might be hidden But yet I could not so rule my sorrowfull minde but that this hope thus forcibly kept must néedes giue place to many vagrant and vaine thoughtes that were yet left béehinde which driuing hereby little and little out of my woefull brest did worke amayne to returne to theyr former places reducing eftsoones to my minde diuers prodigious signes and tokens and many other vnfortunate accidents And I did scarcely perceiue the peaceable hope being almost quite expelled out of my heart but I did immediately féele theyr mighty and new forces planted in her place But amongst all other murdering thoughtes that did most of all massacre my gréeuous soule hearing nothing at all in processe of manie dayes of my Panphilus his returne was sharpe and stinging iealousie Ah this spitefully galled and wounded my breast more then I was able to endure This did dissanull all excuses which I had made for him as knowing and consenting to the occasion of his absent déedes This did often times induce me to those spéeches condemned of me before saying Alas how art thou so foolishe to beléeue that eyther the looue of his father vrgent affayres or delightfull pleasures maie now kéepe Panphilus from comming hether if he did looue thée so as once he sayd he dyd Dost not thou know that Loue doth ouercome all thynges Loue doth ouercome all things for he hath feruently perhaps enamoured of some other Gentlewoman quite forgotten thée whose pleasures béeing as forcible as new doo hide and hold him there as somtimes thine did kéepe him here Those foresaid Ladies passing gracious in euery thing they doo and as thou saydst in euery poynt moste apt to loue and with braue allurements endeuouring to bee beloued againe hee himselfe béeing likewise by the delicate purenesse of his cléere complexion naturally inclined to such passions and for many rare and commendable qualities in him most worthy to be beloued applying their whole studyes to hys seruice theyr paynes to his pleasures and hee his desires to their deuotions haue made him become a new Innamorato Art thou so assotted with the fame and glory of thine owne beauty that thou doost not beléeue that other Women haue shyning eyes in theyr heads fayrnes in theyr faces and that they are not as full of courtly behauiour good graces and all things els that may commaunde yong mens mindes as well as thou art And dost thou thinke that they are not so skilfull who are alas a greate deale more then euer thou werte in these amorous attempts as thou art Why thou art deceiued And if this be thy beléefe it is false And dooste not likewise beléeue that he on the otherside can please more then one Woman But yet I thinke that if hee coulde but sée thée it would bee a harde thing for him to loue any other But since he cannot sée thée nor hath not séene thée these many monethes how canst thou déeme otherwise then so Thou must néedes knowe that no worldly accident is permanent and eternall for as he was enamored of thée as thou didst please him so is it possible that another may like him and he abandoning thy loue may affectionate some other New things alwaies please For newe things are euer wont to please a great deale more thē those which are daily séene And euery one dooth with greater affection desire that which hee hath not then that which he hath already in his owne possession Againe there is nothing be it neuer so delightful which by long time enioying vsing the same doth not ware yrkesome at last and of lesse if of none account at all Who wyll not moreouer sooner and more willingly loue a faire new Ladie at his owne house then one whom he hath long since serued in a forraine Countrey and vnknown place He did not also loue thée perhappes with so feruent and zealous affection as he made thée beléeue And neyther his teares nor any of his passions were to bee helde so déere and so sure a pledge of such great loue as he did still affyrme and as thou didst thinke that he did beare thée Many men also departing from their beloued are tormented with anguish gréefe of mind with bitter waylings taking their wofull congies swearing déepely and promising many things profoundlie which with a good and firme intent perhaps they meane to performe but some suddaine and newe chaunce controling the same is an occasion to make them forget al their former oathes and protestations The teares
could doo none other visite or desire to goe to them My face béeing on the suddaine become leane and pale caused so many maruailes doubts and sadnes in my house that euery one talked diuersly of the same And looking and lyuing in thys pittifull case and making semblaunce that I knewe of nothinge I remayned the most pensiue and the most sorowfull woman that might be My doubtfull thoughts did draw on and waste most part of the day vncertaine whither I might resolue my selfe to myrth or moane But séeing the nights fitting best my vnpleasant humours and finding my selfe alone in my Chamber after hauing first lamented my woes and talked manie thinges with my selfe stirred vppe and inspired as it were with better counsell I turned my deuout prayers to Venus saying Fiammettas prayer to Venus O singuler beautie of the Heauens O moste pittifull Goddesse and most holy Venus who in likenesse of thy selfe in the beginning of my anxieties diddest appeare vnto mee in this Chamber Aforde me now some comfort for my great gréefes and by that reuerend and internall loue that thou diddest beare fayre Adonis mittigate my extreame paines Beholde what tribulations I suffer for thée Beholde howe manie times the terrible Image of death hath béene presented before mine eyes The Image of death terrible Behold if my pure faith hath deserued so much paine as I wrongfully sustaine Béeing but yong and not knowing thy darts I suffered my selfe at thy firste pleasures and without denyall to become thy subiect Thou knowest how much good thou didst promise me and I cannot truely denie but that I haue enioyed some part thereof but if thou wilt comprehend these sorrowes which thou diddest giue me as part also of that good then let Heauen and earth perrish in one howre and let all lawes like vnto these be adnihilated and made newe againe with the world But if they séeme vnequall in thy sight as I hope they doo then let O gracious Goddesse thy promise be fulfilled because thy holy mouth may not be thought or saide to haue learned to dissemble as mortall mens doo Sende forth thy Sonne wyth his golden arrowes and wyth thy firebrandes to my Panphilus where he doth nowe remaine so far distant from mee and enflame his hart in such sorte if peraduenture for not séeing me so long time it is waxen too colde in my loue or too hote with the present beauty of an other that burning as I doo none occasion whatsoeuer may with-hold him from comming backe againe Because taking againe some comfort and ease vnder the heauie burden of these calamities I may not so quickly die O most fayre Goddesse let my wordes sounde into thy eares and if thou wilt not sette him on fire pull out of my poore hart thy wounding Darts because I may as well as he spende my dayes without such great gréefe Wyth thys forme of prayers although I sawe theyr effects but vaine yet thinking that they were hearde I did with small hope somewhat lighten my torments beginning new thoughts I said Oh Panphilus where art thou nowe Ielious thoughts Alas what dooest thou hath now the silent night surprised thée without sléepe and with so many teares as it hath taken holde of mee Or doth thy yong spouse perhaps not hearde of me at all holde thée in her armes or yet without any remembraunce of me doost thou swéetly sléepe Alas how may it be that Loue can gouerne two Louers with so vnequall Lawes bothe louing so firmely as I am too assured that I doo and as perhaps thou doost I know not But if it be so that these thoughts do occupy thy minde as they doo ouercome mine what wycked prysons or mercilesse chaynes doo hold thée that in breaking of them thou doost not returne to mee I know not certes what might stay me from going to thée vnlesse my beautye which woulde without all doubt be an occasion of my vtter shame and a great impediment to me in all places did not onely kéepe me backe What busines soeuer and what other occasions of stay thou diddest there finde shoulde bee by thys ended and nowe thy Father shoulde haue glutted himselfe with thy daily companie who is I knowe and for whose death the Gods know I doo continually pray the onely occasion of thy stay there And if not of this at the least of robbing thée from me he was vndoubtedly the onely cause and means But I feare me poore soule that going about to pray for hys death thou dost prolong his life so contrary are the Goddes to thy requestes and so inexorable in euery thing I craue of them Ah let thy loue if it be such as it was once wont to be conquere their opposite force and come againe Dost not thou thinke that I lye sadlie all alone a great part of the tedious nightes in the which thou diddest once beare me faithfull company though accompanied I must néedes confesse with millions of martyring thoughts Alas howe manie long Winter nights lying a colde without thée in a great and sollitarie bedde haue I passed heauily away Ah call to thy forgetfull minde the sundry kindes of these pleasures which in manie thinges we were wont to take togeger remembring which I am then certain that there is no other Woman able to deuide thée from mee And this beléefe doth make me as it were more surer then any other thing that the newes of the new spouse are but false which if they were true yet she cannot I thinke take thée from mee but for a time Returne therefore and if swéete delights haue no force to draw thée back againe let the desire which thou hast to deliuer her whom aboue all other Women thou louest from suddaine and shamefull death perswaded thée to bee reclaimed Alas if thou wert now returned I hardly beleeue that thou couldest know me againe for so hath excéeding sorow and anguish of mind extenuated and altered my former and faire countenaunce But that which infinite teares hath taken from mee a short gladnesse in séeing thy swéete face shall quickly restore to me againe and I shall be once again that Fiammetta which I was before Ah come Panphilus come because my hart doth still call vpon thée suffer not the flower of my yong daies to perrish in dole altogether prest for thy delights and vowed to thy pleasures I knowe not alas with what modestie I could bridle my suddaine and excéeding ioy if thou werte here againe but that vnmoderatly it should be manifest to euery publicke personne Because I doubt and iustly that our loue with great wisedome and patience a long time concealed might not bee perhaps discouered to euery one But yet wert thou come to sée and to try whither ingenious lies could as well take place in prosperous euēts as in aduerse crooked accidents Alas I wold thou wert for all this come and if it could not be better then let euery one that would knowe it because I woulde thinke
sayd Nay I am rather content if in possessing an euill there is any cōtent at all to haue loued faithfully Returning therefore with mine eyes and thoughts to the wanton behauiour and amorous actions of these yonge Louers I reaped some small comforte by their sundry fancies And when I did perceiue that any of them didde loue more feruently then the rest I did more commend with my selfe such well meaning Louers And hauing thus a long time with an earnest minde behelde them I began softly to say with my selfe O thrise happy and fortunate are you who are not depriued of the sight and sence of your vnderstanding as I am Alas howe was I wont heretofore as you doo nowe to sollace my selfe with these indifferent recreations Long may you enioy your felicity since I alone must remaine an example of scorne and a patterne of myserie to all the worlde If Loue at the least making mee discontent with the thing beloued of mee shall bee an occasion to shorten my dayes then shall it followe that with a tragicall death as Eliza did I wil eternish my euerlasting fame and memory And hauing thus saide I helde my peace and went againe to note those countenaunces gestures actions with which these louing Nouices professed Louers No feast de lighteth where the thing beloued is not seene and retyred Souldiours did diuersly studie to please their dainty Ladies and Gentlewomen Oh how many haue I eftsoones séene in like places who after a great while hauing looked in euery place about for their desired ioyes and not séeing nor finding them déeming and reporting the feast not halfe so pleasaunt by reason of their absence nor so delightsome with halfe angry and very sad countenaunces haue gone from thence againe Wherevppon some little laughter although it was but féeble and weake in the middes of all my melancholye dumps was permitted to take place and a little comfort also graunted to them perceiuing that I had company in my sorrowes measuring in this sort by mine owne miseryes other mens mishaps Then thus disposed most déere Ladies as my words doo shew the delicate bathes the weary hunting and the Sea bancks hadde glutted my queasie minde with all kind of pastimes and cloyed it with superfluities of feasts Wherfore dismasking my old former countenance and discouering the smoake of my choaked sighes and the losse likewise of my appetite to my meate and sléepe to my deceiued Husbande and not caring to manifest to the appointed phisitions of my health these incurable infirmities bothe hée and they disparyring as it were with thēselues of my life we returned againe to the Cittie In the which the condition of the time preparing many and diuers feastes it framed also with thē diuers occasions of my manifolde gréefes wherfore it came many times to passe that to the solēnising of new espousalles I was especiallie also inuited as béeing by parentage néere of kinne to them or els by auncient familiaritie fréendship or neighbourhood acquainted otherwise with them To the which also my Husband oftentimes constrayned mee to goe thinking by these meanes to preuent the ordinarie course of my melancholy fits or els somwhat to ease my mind so greatly infested by them Wherupon I was at such times vrged to take again my forsaken ornaments and to put my neglected hayre iudged of all men before to shine like gold but not vnlike nowe to ashes in the finest order I could wherin I was not to learne howe to doo it And remēbring my selfe with a more déepe consideration Appassionated yong Gentlewomen care not how to adorne thēselues whom these fine thredd 's of gold besides all other beauties were wont to delight with a new froward passiō I did disturbe again my fantastical mind which made me somtimes so much forgett my selfe that I remember that no otherwise then called backe againe from a déepe sléepe or raysed out of an extasie taking vp again the combe that was fallen out of my handes I returned to my careles vnwilling office And taking some assured counsel in my Glasse of the setting foorth of these ornaments with which I had adorned my selfe And séeing my face to looke very pale and greatly dis-figured and déepely therewithall apprehending in my minde my lost and altered beautie I was almost in a doubt whither it was my face or no which I sawe in the Glasse but imagining rather that some infernall and hidious furie stoode by me turning my selfe about I did veryly thinke and feare that it was behind me But yet after that I was tricked vp very braue cleen contrary to the quallitie of my minde I went with other gentlewomen to those solemne sumptuous feasts in which raigned nothing but mirth ioy and all manner of mery and pleasant recreations Merrie I terme them in respecte of others because as he knoweth from whom nothing is hydde there was neuer any since the departure of my Panphilus which was not an occasion to me of most heauy chéere matter of continuall sorrowe Béeing therefore come to the places appoynted for the honors of such marriages although that in diuers places and at diuers times celebrated yet they neuer sawe me otherwise disposed then to remaine stil at one stay which was bearing a counterfette countenaunce of content and a fayned face as well as I coulde of merrynesse with my inward minde altogether occupied with subiects of sorrow deriuing the occasion of this sadnes gréefe as well from ioyfull and pleasaunt things which I sawe as from sorrowfull and vnpleasant passions which I felt But after that amongst other Ladies and Gentlewomen I was with great honor receiued my mind not intentiue vpō new fashions nor mine eies desirous to gaze vppon braue ritch attire wherwith al the place did shine but with a vain imagination deceiuing thēselues thinking perhaps to haue seene Panphilus there as oftentimes in like places they had doone before they went rolling vp down casting their beames in euery place round about and not séeing him as one nowe most assured of that of which I was at the firste probably perswaded like a woman confounded in mine owne foolish cōceit I sat me down with the rest of the Ladies refusing the profered curtesies and offered honors for whose sake he béeing now absent they were wont to be most déere vnto me And after that the new Bryde was come home and the magnificent pompe vsed at the Tables was ended and euery one with his passing daintie cates and heauenly Nectar bad chéered vp their frollicke mindes as diuers braue daunces sometimes directed by the tuned voyce of some cunning and singuler Musition and othersome ledde and footed by the sounde of diuers swéete instruments were begun euery place of the espousall house resounding with a generall applause of myrth and ioy my selfe because I would not be accounted coy and disdainful but ciuill rather in such an honorable assembly and well manered hauing gone somtimes about
with them I began to sitte mee downe incontinentlie againe entring still into newe and fantasticall imaginations Euery thīge refresheth the memory of the Louer of his sorpassed and happy life It came then to my minde howe solemne and glorious that feast was which like vnto this was once made in honor of my nuptiall ioy in the which béeing then but a simple soule in franticke loue matters and frée from melancholye passions as abounding in all ioy I sawe in my selfe wyth woorthy congratulations of euery one honourablye saluted and nobly entreated And cōparing those times with these and séeing them beyond all proportion altered I was wyth great desire if oportunitie of time and place had graunted prouoked to wéepe This swyft and suddaine thought didde runne also in my minde when I sawe the yong Gentlemen and Gentlewomen to reioyce equally together and to bee merry alike courting and deuising one with another sometimes with many pleasant and swéete discourses and sometimes with many singuler and prettie deuises fitte for such purposes howe that once I behelde my Panphilus in lyke places and howe in his company he and I all alone had passed the time there together and could not nowe doo the like And it gréeued me no lesse to sée my selfe depryued of the occasion of making such kind of ioy and enioying such content then I was sorrowfull for the pleasure which I loste by the not performance of the same But from thence applying my eares to amorous delights songs and sundry tunes and remembring those with my self that were passed I sighed and meruailous desirous to sée the ende of such tedious feastes béeing malecontent in the meane time and sorrowfull wyth my selfe I passed them away Notwithstanding beholding euery thing exactly the companies of yong Gentlemen béeing flocked about the Gentlewomen and Ladies that nowe were sette downe to rest them and retyred into diuers places to gaze on them I did perceiue well that many of them or almost all did sometimes ayme theyr beames at me and did talke secretly amongst themselues of diuers things touching my beautie brauery and behauiour but not so softlie but that by manifest hearing of my owne part or by imagination or hearesay of some others no smal part of their spéeches came to mine eares Some of them said one to another Diuers opinions and speeches of menne Alas behold that yong Gentlewoman who had not her paragon for beautie in our Cittie and sée nowe what an one she is become Dooest not thou sée how strangely she is altered and how appalled her once faire face is growne my selfe béeing as ignorant of the cause as amazed to sée the effects And hauing thus said looking on me with a most pittifull and milde eye as they who were greatly condolent of my gréefes going away left mee full of compassion and more pittious towards my selfe then I was wont to be Others didde enquire of one another amongst themselues saying Alas hath this Gentlewoman béene sicke And afterwards did answere themselues again saying It séemeth so because she is wexed so leane and pale Wherefore it is great pittie especiallye thinking of her former beautie that is nowe vaded quite away But there were some of a déeper reache then the reste whose true surmises greeued me very much after many gesses and spéeches amongst themselues saying The palenes of this yong Ladie is a manifest token of an enamored hart For what kind of infirmitie doth bring a Louer to a lower estate of bodie then the vnruly passions of feruent and hote affection She is vndoubtedly in loue And if it be so hée is too cruell and inhumaine that is the cause of such vnwoorthye consequences gréefe and cares I meane that make her looke with so pale and thinne chéekes When I had hearde these nipping wordes that rubbed vppe my festered wounde I coulde not with-holde my sighes perceiuing that others were more ready to pittie my miseries then he to preuent these mishaps who by greatest reason and most of all shoulde haue hadde compassion in his thanklesse harte And after I had fetcht manie déepe sighes with an humble and lowe voice I earnestlye besoughte the Gods that in lue of their kindnes towardes me they might haue better successe in their Loues And I remember again that the value of my honour and honestie was not small amongst some of them who in talking together did fauourably séeme to excuse the foresaide true surmises saying The Gods forbid that we should hatch such a thought in our minds to say that fonde Loue shoulde molest this wise modest yong Ladie or that blind affection could trouble her minde at all For she as she is endued with as great honestye as any other so was shee as it euer séemed neuer addicted to such vanities as many of her coequalles and hath not shewed at any time so much as a semblance of wanton boldnesse but continually arguments of wise and modest behauiour Nor amongst the diuers communications and companies of curious and inquisite Louers there could be neuer heard any spéech of her Loue Loue is a passion not supported any long time not once immagined amongst them which is so furious and forcible a passion that it will not bée anie long time concealed but will like restrained flames violently burst out vnawares Alas sayd I then to my selfe howe farre doo they roame from the truth not déeming me to be in loue because as it is the manner of fooles I make not my loue publicke to the view of euery one and preache it not openly abroade to bee secretely tossed from mouth to mouth as others vainly glorying in theirs are commonly wont to doo There came also sometimes oppositely before mee many yonge and noble Gentlemen proper men of personage of swéete and amiable countenaunces in euery thing gracious couragious and curteous and the chiefest flowers of our Cittie who often times before by many cunning meanes and drifts hadde to their vtmost of their power attempted and laboured to haue drawne but the deuotions of my eyes to the desires of theyr harts Who after that a certaine while they had séene mée so much deformed and altered from that I was wont to bée not wel pleased perhaps that I did not at the first frame my affections to their fancies disdayned now to looke at me and forsooke me saying The braue beautie of this Lady is gone and turned to a bleacke hew and the glory of her enflaming desires is nowe extincte Wherefore shall I hyde that from you fayre Ladies which dooth not onely gréeue mee to rehearse but generally all Women to heare I say therefore that although it was the greatest gréefe in the world to think that my Panphilus was not present for whose sake my then excellent beauty was most déere vnto me yet in such vpbraiding sort to heare that I had lost it it was no lesse then present death to my soule And besides all these things I remēber that béeing
And vnlesse thy new looue make thée degresse to farre from the trueth thou wylt confesse and say no. What faulte of myne therefore what iust occasion of thy parte what greater beautie or more feruent looue haue taken thée from mée and giuen thée to an other Truely none And all the Gods be my recordes héerein that I neuer wrought any thing against thée but that beyond all termes of reason I looued thée And if this hath deserued such treachery as thou haste doone and workest against mée let thy owne selfe disloyall as thou art be iudge O ye Goddes the iust reuengers of our vniust defectes I cal vpon you for cruel and due vengeance I neyther wishe nor goe about to practise his death who by his vile escape from mée would haue wrought mine Nor do pray that any other punishmēt may befal to his deserued guilt but if he looue his new choice as I looue him that in casting him of and giuing her selfe to an other as he hath taken him selfe from mée she would leaue him in that kinde of lyfe that cruel as he is he causeth me to leade And so with vnséemely motions of my body turning me now this way now that way like a franticke woman I tumbled and tossed vp and downe in my bed All that day was not spent in other spéeches then in such of like tennour and in most bitter waylings But the night worser then the day and more apte for all kinde of sorrowe the melancholy darkenes being more conformable too meditating miseries then the light béeing now stolen on it came to passe that béeing in déede with my déere husband and lying a great while silent to my selfe and broade waking yet warring within my selfe with hostes of dollorous thoughts amongest which calling to memory all my passed times aswell my pleasaunt occurrences as sorrowfull passages and especially that I had lost my Panphilus by meanes of a new looue my gréefe grewe in such aboundaunce that vnable to keepe it any longer within with great lamentations dolefull complaints I burst it out albeit concealing the amorous occasion of it And my sighes were so forcible and my sobbes so profounde that my Husbande béeing nowe a goodwhile drowned in déepe sléepe by the great noise and molestation of them was awaked and turning himselfe to me who was spunged in mine owne teares and taking mee louingly in his armes with milde and pittiful words he said thus vnto mee O my swéete soule The loue of a good husband what sinister cause of so dolefull a plaint in the quiet night when thou shouldest take thy rest doth trouble thée thus What thing is it that this long time hath made thée so melancholicke and sad Nothing must bée concealed from mee that may any way displease or discontent thée Is there any thing that thy hart dooth desire and that my witt and substance may compasse for thée or that in demaunding of it thou mightest possibly haue Art not thou my onelie comfort my ioy and my good And doost not thou knowe that I loue thée aboue all worldly thinges yea more then my selfe Whereof not by shewe nor one proofe but by dailie experience thou maist liue assured Wherefore dooest thou therefore lament in such sort Wherfore doost thou afflict thy selfe in such extreame gréefe Doo I séeme vnpleasant ill fauoured or nothing gracious in thyne eyes or am I vnworthy of thy beauty or is not my birth parentage and estate agréeable to thy nobilitie or doost thou think mée culpable in any thing that I may amende Speake and tell me franckly and discouer to me the vale of thy desires There shal be nothing left vndoone or vnattempted for thy sake if it may possible bée Thou doost altered in visage and apparrel and extreamely sorowfull in all thy actions minister a doleful occasion and matter to me of an vnquiet life And though I haue before séene thée continually sadde pensiue yet thys day more then at any time I thought of late that some bodilie infirmitie was the cause of thy palenes but nowe I doo manifestly know that it is gréefe of mind that hath brought thée to this pittiful case wherin I sée thée wherfore I pray thée close to me the roote from whence all thy sorowes do grow Whom with a feminine and suddaine witte taking counsel of fained tales and lies which before hadde serued mee for a shyft I answered thus O swéete Husband déerer to me then all the worlde besides I lacke not anie thing wherein thy forward help may auaile mee and acknowledge thée without all doubt more worthy then my selfe but the death of my déere Brother of which thou art not ignorant hath long before and now since brought me to this extreame sorrow Which as often as I thinke of it with bitter wailings dooth rent my harte in péeces Sometimes the maner of ones death is more lamēted then the death it selfe And certes I bewaile not so much his cruell death a thing naturallie incident to vs all but the strange and pittifull manner of the same which thou diddest know to be violent infortunate and bloodie And besides this the straunge things and vglie sights that appeared to me after his death doo kill my fearefull soule to thinke of I can neuer so little shut vp mine eyeliddes or giue any slender sléepe to my sorrowfull eies but immediatly all pale trembling naked and full of goare shewing me his cruell woundes he appeareth quaking before me And euen then when thou diddest perceiue me to wéepe and lament hee came into the Chamber standing and staring before me as I was a sléepe in likenes of a horrible and fainting ghoste fearefully quaking wyth a breathles and panting brest in such sort that he could scarce vtter one word but at the last with extreame paine sayde O my déere Sister wipe that blotte of ignominie from me which with an appalled and troubled face looking euer for verie gréefe and shame thereof on the ground doth make my sorrowfull ghost wander with great disgrace and scorne amongst other haples sprites And although it was some comfort for me to sée him yet ouercome with terror which I had of his dreadfull habite and mooued with iust compassion of his words with starting on a suddaine I awaked out of my féeble sléepe and thus my teares the which thou dooest nowe goe about to comfort fulfilling the duetie of my conceiued pittie did at hand follow And so as the Gods know if weapons were fitte for Women I woulde ere this haue reuenged his miserable death and with a fierce countenaunce and couragious hart sent the gréedie gutton of his innocent blood amongst other damned soules But alas I can doo no more then I am able Therefore déere Husbande not without great occasion I am thus miserablie tormented in minde O with howe manie pittiful words did he then comfort me applying a salue to the wounde which was healed long inough before and howe did hee endeuour to
in whose poynts and edges consisteth the onely hope of my desires Or els strangling cordes lothsome and swelling poysons mortiferous hearbs choaking ryuers burning coales and consuming flames What doth this vigilant care auaile thée anie more but to prolong a little this yrkesome life and to reserue it to that kinde of death which euen nowe without touch or staine of infamie might haue set peace to my afflicted soule which by thy pittilesse interruptions deferred thou shalt doubtlesse at one time or other make most infamous vnto al the worlde and moste shamefull vnto mee Because death is in euerye place and consisteth in euery thing Let me therefore nowe die least growing to a more gréeuous condition of life with a more inhumaine minde and cruell hand I prepare for my selfe the most miserable and cruell death that may be Whylst wretched Womanne I spake these wordes I coulde not keepe my handes styll but sometimes fallinge on one Seruaunt and sometimes on an other catching some by theyr locks I pulled the heayre from theyr heade and fastening my nayles in the faces of other some I made the bloode to spynne out of theyr cheekes tearynge from othersome their poore garments from theyr backs But alas neither the olde Nurce nor the mangled seruauntes aunswered me one word againe but lamenting my sencelesse actions executed their pittious functions towardes me whom then with gentle wordes and entreties I endeuoured to gaine to my will which serued my turne nothing at all Wherefore lyke a franticke Hecuba making a great noyse and with outragious spéeches I beganne to exclaime saying O wicked handes and prone to al mischéefe you the adorners of my hurtfull beauties were a great occasion to make me become such an one as to séeme so fayre and pleasing in his eyes that I was desired of him whome I looue most of all Since therefore these euilles haue spronge by your helpe in guerdon of this vse now your wicked crueltie vpon my accursed body Rent it in péeces and open it and diued in my hotte blood pull out from my accursed bodie my miserable heart and inexpugnable soule Teare out I say this false hart wounded with blind looue And since that all meanes of mortall and murdering instrumentes are taken from thée with these reuenging fingers the adorners of my banefull beauties and with these sharpe nayles péece-meale dismember and without remorce of pittie rent it out Alas that my bootelesse spéeches did menace and promise me desired euilles and commended them to the execution of willing handes but the vigilant care of the prying seruantes béeing alwaies ready to the hinderaunce of them withhelde them against my will And the mournefull and importunate Nurce with dolefull speeches after all this beganne thus to say Affectionate comforts O déerest daughter by these miserable breasts which were the scources of thy alimentes I humbly pray thée that with a quiet and appeased minde thou wouldest giue eare to my wordes By them I will labour to mittigate thy passions that thou shalt not sorrow any more or to driue quite away perhapes from thée the blinde anger that dooth incend thée to this kinde of furie or else with a more remisse and calme minde to make thée suffer the same or else spéedely to forsake it Wishing thée to reduce that to thy erred memory that shall reuiue thée and be no smal health and great honour vnto thée It is therefore expedient for thée good Ladie most famous for so rare vertues as thou art endued with al the gifts of nature and fortune not to be subiect to pinching sorrow nor as a woman ouer-come to turne thy backe from daring dollours from threatning mishappes and from persuinge woes It is not a poynt of vertue to require death and to call vpon it nor a parte of magnanimitie to be afraide of life It is not vertue to desire death and to be afraid of life as thou art but rather to countermaund pressing euilles and to flie away before them is not the part of couragious and resolute mindes Whosoeuer dooth abate his destinies and dooth contemne deuide and cast from him the profittes pleasures contentes and goodes of his life as thou hast don I knowe not what néede he hath to séeke death and cannot tell why he feareth life since that the one and the other is a will of a timerous persō Now if into the darke dungeon of extreame misery thou doost desire wil-fully to cast thy selfe séeke not death because this is the last expeller and extinguisher of it Let this foolish fury fly out of thy mind by the which mée thinketh thou doost séeke both to haue and to lose thy loouer Why doost thou beléeue by béeing dissolued into nothing to get him againe To whom I aunswered not a word But there was such a rumour spread thorow out the wide house thorow out the Cittie and country rounde about that all my seruauntes no otherwise then at the howling of some hungrie woolfe all the néerest inhabitauntes are woont to méete together came running to me from euerie place and all of them afrighted with sodaine sorrow demanded what the matter was But I had already forbidden them that knew it to tell any thing at all Wherefore couering the horrible accident with a cunning lie they rested all satisfied My déere husband made hast thether and my louing sisters my carefull parents and fréends with panting fainting breasts came running to me And euery one of them equally deluded with a false tale did instéed of a most wicked woman repute and praise me for a holy Saint And euerie one after much wéeping first reprooued my life punished with so much sorrowe labouring afterwards to comfort me vp againe But from thence foorth it fell out that some beléeued that I was haunted and stinged with some fury and therefore like a madde woman continually watched mee But some more pittifull then the rest marking my mildnes and iudging it as it was indéede but a certaine gréefe of minde with taking great compassion of me laughed at that which the rest both dyd and sayd And visited thus of many I remained euery day more amazed then other And vnder the discrete garde of the sage Nource I was closely kept And as there is no anger so burning or so extreame All anger with time is brought to nothing but by course of time is made colde againe So remaining certaine dayes in this case as I haue set downe I came to my selfe at last againe and did manifestly know the Nurces wordes to be true And with bitter teares therefore I bewailed my passed follies But yet although that the heate of my rage in time was spent and became nothing my looue neuertheles did not one whitte decrease but taried with me still by reason of the melancholie vsed in other accidents before which now continually I had taking it gréeuously at the hart to be forsaken for the vniust looue of an other woman Wherefore I conferred with
with some sodaine death ended my loathed life so that by these meanes I might haue deliuered my selfe from these paines and sorrowes as she dyd her selfe which afterwardes by defaulte thereof dyd continually cleaue in sunder my afflicted hart After these miserable thoughtes and the ruthfull chaunces of vnhappy Heroe of Sesto came to my minde whome mee thought I sawe comming downe from her highest Tower to the Sea bankes and rockes where she was wont sometimes to méete and receiue her welbelooued and wearied Leander into her armes And euen there againe mée thinks I se her with what a pittifull pale countenance she beheld her loouer lying dead before her Sorrow ceaseth when hope is past to regaine the thing which is lost driuē first on shore by a fréendly Dolphin al naked souced in brinish waters laid along vpon the Sea sands wiping with her garmentes the salte water from his pale visage and drowning hym the second time with the flowing streames of her swelling teares Ah what great pittie dooth her cruell passages finde in my sorrowfull mind More truelie then any of those of the foresayd ladyes and sometimes so much that forgetting my owne woes I did wéepe and lament for hirs And lastly cold I conceiue no meanes for her cōfort but one of these two either to die or else to forget him as other dead men haue béene In taking eyther of which her sorrowes I thinke might haue easilie béene finished Considering that no lost thing in recouering of which againe there is no hope lefte can gréeue vs any long time But yet the Goddes forbidde that this kinde of comfort should happen to me which if it did come to passe no counsel in such a case should auaile but that which perswaded me once to a resolute and hasty death For during the time that my Panphilus liueth whose lyfe his happie starres and predominante planettes preserue as long as he himself dooth desire that cannot I hope nor shall not befall vnto me But séeing the enter course of mundane thinges in continuall motion this beléefe is added to my hope that in the end or else perhappes before he shall returne and be mine againe as once he was which lingering hope not comming to effect dooth howerly make my life gréeuous and irkesome vnto mée And by thus much therfore I estéeme my selfe oppressed with greater sorrowe then she was I remēber that in French méeters to which if any credite may be lent I haue sometimes read that Sir Tristram and Lady Isotta haue more then any other loouers French Rimes mutually and feruentlie looued each other and with their chaunging delightes haue had great misfortunes and aduersities enter mingled euen in the floorishing and brauest time of theyr youth who because loouing greatly togeather they haue tasted both of one ende it séemes most credible that not without extreame sorrowe and bitter gréefe on bothsides they forsooke their worldly delightes Which may be easilie graunted if in abandoning this world they thought that in the other the same could not bée found or had But if they had this opinion that they were as ample and common in the other as they had in déede then it is to be thought that death had rather aforeded them some great content and ioy then any sorrow and feare at all For what certaintie of gréefe may one giue with testimonie of a thing which he neuer prooued None at all truely In Syr Tristram his armes was his owne death and the death of hys Lady also For if in embracing her body so straightly and loouingly it had gréeued her at all in opening his armes againe the payne no doubt had ceased And yet for all this let vs admit and say that it is by great reason most fearefull and gréeuous to tast of what gréefe can wée say to be absolutely in a thing that dooth come to passe but onely once and which dooth occupie but a little space of time Certes none Sir Tristram therfore Isotta in one hower ended their delightes dollours The continued time of my stretching gréefe and lasting sorrowe hath without comparison greatly excéeded the breuitie of my enioyed myrth and ioyes But amongest the number of these foresayd loouers my minde did thinke of miserable Phedra who with her voluntary and aduised furie was the occasion of his most cruel death whom she loued more then her selfe I knowe not truely what dammage great inconuenience did follow her of such a great fault but I am certaine if the like had euer happened to me there had bene nothing but violent death that might expiate the guilt therof but if she liued she buried him afterward in darck obliuiō as commonly all thinges as euen now I sayd are wont to bée forgotten by death And besides these sorowes which Laodamia Deiphyle Argia Euadne Deianira and many others felte followed hers in my scanning thoughts all which eyther by violent death or by necessary obliuion receiued some comfort at last Fier the lōger it remaineth in any thing the more it burneth And who doubteth that burning fire red hotte iron and melted leade dooth not gréeuously burne and scalde his finger who dooth but sodainely dippe it in and dooth quickly pull it out againe Why none I thinke And yet this is nothing to that extreame payne whose whole body is in eyther of these tormented and plunged for a good space togeather wherfore how many soeuer I haue described aboue in woes sorowes paynes the same may be said to be but a momentarie while in their superficiall and counterfeite gréefes whereas I haue really felt them continually béene in them and am not yet frée from them Wherefore all these foresayd woes in respect of mine haue béene but amorous annoyaunces But besides these miserable women the no lesse sorrowful teres powred forth of those who with the vnexpected brunts of cruell fortune haue béene confounded came before mine eyes And these are those of Iocasta Hecuba Sophonisba Cornelia and Cleopatra O how much myserie considering well the miserable successe of Iocastas looues doo we sée befallen vnto her in all her life time possible enough to haue daunted and troubled the most stout and strongest minde For she being very young was maried to Layus King of Thebes who commaunded that her first childe should be throwen out to be deuowred of wilde Beastes the miserable Father thinking by this to haue preuented that which the heauens and his ineuitable destinies with infallible course had prepared for him O what a gréefe must I néedes thinke that this was to her soule considering the degrée of her that sente it and that with her owne handes she was constrained to deliuer and to sende it to a cruell kinde of death and afterwardes certified by them that caried her vnfortunate infante of his mangled and deuoured corpes with what intollerable gréefe she beléeued that he was deade indéede And to see her haplesse Husband most miserably slaine of him
did greatly excéede mine Because firste séeing her selfe conioyned with her brother in the Kingdome and lyuing in all manner of pleasure and delights and afterwards cast by him into prysonne was thought beyonde all measure to be charged with insupportable dolour But the present hope of that which after happened made her to passe it ouer more lightly For shée béeing deliuered out of pryson became Caesar his louing and belooued Ladie But afterwards forsaken of him there are who think that for gréefe of these crossing cares her tender hartstringes did well nie break a sunder not regarding that there was a certaine touch of vnconstancie breach of loue as wel in her as in him which at both their pleasures they did forsake and take from one another and bestowe it els where as often times she plainely shewed how fitly she could doo the same But the Gods forbid that such consolation befal to my comfortlesse and afflicted soule For he was neuer yet or euer shall be besides him to whom by many desertes I haue auowed the whole terme and trauaile of my life that coulde affyrme or yet can say that I was euer his but in hart affianced onely to Panphilus and whose I wyll for euer remaine Nor let him hope whosoeuer he be that any other loue shall neuer be of such force as to driue his out of my faithful breast Besides this if she had béene at Caesar his departure left altogether comfortlesse by him there woulde be some againe who ignoraunt of the trueth would beléeue that this was very gréeuous vnto her but yet it was not so Because if she were on the one side agréeued at his departure the ioy on the other and the comfort that she receiued of her lyttle Sonne Caesarionem which she had by him and of her Kingdome restored to her againe counteruayling her gréefe nay excéeding all her former sorrowes whatsoeuer did yéelde her treble consolation This ioy hath force and strength enough to ouercome greater anguishe and more extreame cares of mind then those of them who loue but a little and that but coldly to as euen now I saide that she did But that which for the accomplishment of her greatest gréefe was annexed to the rest was that she was the wyfe of Marke Antonie whom shee had with her libydinous entisements styrred vp to ciuill nay vnciuill warres against her owne brother aspyring thereby and hoping by the victory of them to haue béene crowned Empresse of the Romane monarchy But dubble lose arising to her by this in one hower which was the deth of her slaine husband of her frustrat hope of al other womē made her as it is cōmonly thought the most vnfortūat most sorrowful Lady beyond al conceit to be confounded with the greatest cares and gréefes that might be And considering truely so high a mynde and so prowde a conceite which to be first in imagination and afterwardes in indéede sole and soueraigne Ladie and Quéene of the whole circuite of the earth by one infortunate battaile to be dashed and cast downe our sex also being naturally giuen to aspyre and domination besids the foyle of the conquered the triumph of the victor and besides this the losse also of so déere and braue a husband it cannot be otherwise apprehended but that it was a wonderful corsiue to her noble heart and an extreme torment of her dismayed soule But sodanely she found out a wholesome medicine which did spéedely helpe and heale this mortall mallady and that was a straung kinde of death Which although for the tyme it was very cruell and sharpe was not for all that in execution any long time a dooing Because in one little hower two venomous vipers may at the pappes of a yoūg and tender woman sucke out both blood and life as they did out of miserable Cleopatras brest O how many times would I haue doon the like although for a lesser occasion according to the opinion of many if I had béene peremtorilie forsaken or if for feare also of ensuing infamie thereof I hadde not withdrawen my selfe With this and the aforesayd Ladies the execellencie of Cyrus killed of Tomaris and drowned in a boll of his owne blood the fier and water of Craesus Cyrus Craesus Persians Pyrrhus Darius Iugurtha Dionisius Agamemnon the ritch Kindomes of the Persians the magnificency of Pyrrhus the power of Darius the crueltie of Iugurtha the tirannie of Dionisius the highnesse of Agamemnon and the sodaine chaunges of many other more occured to my thoughtes All which were stinged with these gréefes and spurned at the féete of scornefull fortune as the foresayd women or else altogeather comfortlesse left of to worse mishappes Who also with sodaine argumentes of their better fare were aided nor remaining any longe time in them did not féele the greatnesse and gréefe of them so entirely as I doo Company as it is aboue said doth lessen the greefe Theistes Tereus Whilest I went recounting the auncient sorrowes in this sorte as you haue heard and séeking in my minde to finde out some teares and sorrowes in most respectes like vnto mine owne because hauing company I might not so greatly lament and might suffer my gréefe with more patience Those of Theistes and of Tereus bothe which were the miserable Sepultures of their owne Sons were obiected to my memorie And I maruel what vnnaturall and forced patience fearing their inward bitinges and what pittilesse restrainte did moderate those sauage Sires from launching theyr sides and with slicing kniues to make way for their Sonnes strugling in theyr paternall bowels and striuing to come foorth abominating that wretched place into which they were so rauenously gulfed But these also burst out with that they could choaked at once theyr hatred and gréefe togeather and so tooke in a manner a certaine comforte in theyr harmes perceiuing that without faulte they were accounted miserable men but of theyr people that which happened not to mée For I haue compassion borne me of that which did neuer gréeue mee and dare not discouer that whych dooth most of all afflicte me which thing if I durst doo I doubt not but as others in my miserable case haue found out some remedie for theyr paynes Lycurgus so might I perhappes finde out some ease and helpe as well as they The pittifull teares of Licurgus and of his house iustly powred foorth for dead Archemorous killed of the Serpent come also sometimes to my minde and accompanied with the continuall sighes of sorrowful Atalanta mother of Parthenopaeus killed in the Thebane Campes Atalanta which came so properly and so néerely to mée with theyr effectes that I could scarce conceyue any greater then them in my minde If had not prooued them my selfe I say that they were full of such great sorrowe that they could not be more But euery one of them are with so high glory eternished that they might bée estéemed in a manner merry accidents then mornefull
stratagems The sorrowfull teares of Licurgus I meane with the mortall exequies honoured of the seauen kinges and infinite sportes and spectacles made by them in solemnization of that glorious funerall and those of Atalanta made notable and beutified also with the laudable life and victorious death of her young Sonne But I haue not any thing nor any such cause to make my teares scarce well employed much lesse excellent and my selfe content because if it were so wheras I now estéeme my selfe more dolefull and vnfortunate then any other perhappes I should be perswaded to auerre the contrary Vilisses The long trauelles of Vlisses his mortall and imminent perrilles his wandering and weary perigrinations and all his déedes whatsoeuer are next of all shewed vnto mée who neuer tasted them but seasoned with most bitter and extreame anguishe of minde and redoubled many times in my imaginations they make me thinke mine to be farre greater and much more gréeuous and harken why Because first and principally he was a manner and therefore of nature more strong and better able to endure them then I being a tender and young woman and he béeing moreouer continuallie armed with a stoute couragious and feirce mynde and beaten to dailie daungers as one rypened amongest them when hee trauailed and turmoyled dyd séeme to haue but his ordinary repose nay his greatest ease and pleasure in them But I béeing continually in my Chamber and tenderlie serued with daintie and delicate thinges passing my times awaie in pleasures and dailie accustomod to dalliances of wanton looue euery little payne and feare thereof is most gréeuous vnto me He driuen and pricked on by Neptune and transported into diuers partes the of world and of Aeolus likewise receyued his troubles But with careful looue I am infected and with such a lord infested that troubled and conquered them that molested and tossed Vlisses And if daungerous casualties and daylie feares dyd séeme to threaten him of his proper accorde hée wandered continually in séeking of them out And who can with iust cause complaine or be agréeued for finding of that which he dooth so earnestly séeke for None can be sorrowfull for finding that they seeke But I séely wretche would faine liue in quiet if I could and would willingly fly from woes and gréefes if that so rigorously they dyd not rushe vpon me and if I were not my selfe so forcibly driuen vpon them Besides this he was not afrayd of death and therefore without feare did commit him selfe to her force and might But I liue in continuall dreade of it though compelled by extreame sorrowe I haue sometime not without feare of greater gréefe runne willingly vnto it He also by his long trauelles and ieopardies of Fortune dyd hope to get eternal glorie and neuer dying fame But I am afrayd of my escandilized name and infamous memory hereafter if it shoulde come to passe that these secrete looues should at any tyme come to lyght So that now his paynes are not greater and more then myne but are rather in number and quallitie farre lesse then mine and by so much the more as they are fabulated to be greater then euer they were indéede But mine alas are to true so many and more greater then I am able my selfe to recounte But after all these I sée me thinkes the sorrowes sobbes and heauie sighes the infinite woes and pittious plaints that Hipsiphile Medea and Oenone had and the pittifull teares of Ariadne which were more copious then all the rest all which I iudge most like vnto mine Because euery one of these lyke my selfe deceiued of their loouers watred the ground with teares cléeued the heauens with cōtinuall sighes sustained without any frute or hope of future content most bitter tormentes of mynde And admit as it is graunted that these dolours were cast vpon thē by their vngrateful loouers and by theyr iniurious and vndeserued ingratitude yet with iust reuenge of their wronges doone vnto them they sawe the ende of theyr teares which comfortes although I wishe it not my sorrowes also haue not Hipsiphile Hipsiphile admitte that she had greatly honoured Iason and had by due desertes obliged him vnto her perceiuing him to be taken away of Medea had with as great reason as my selfe iust occasion of complaint and sorrowe But such was the prouidence of the Goddes that with righteous eyes beholding euery thing but onely my harmes they restored to her a great portion of her desired ioye because she sawe Medea who had taked away Iason from her Iason forsaking Medea for the looue of Creusa quit dispossessed of her once enioyed praye Certes I doo not say that my gréefe should finishe if I should sée the same befall to her who hath deceiued me of my Panphilus vnlesse I were that she that should alure him from her againe but will francklie confesse that a great parte of my sorrow would for a time cease Medea dyd also reioyce for reuenge Medea that she had although she was no lesse cruell towardes her selfe then malicious against her vngratefull loouer in killing their common children in his owne presence and consuming the royall pallaces of king Creon and the new Lady with merciles flames Oenone also sorrowing along time in fine knewe Oenon that her disloyall loouer suffered due punishment for breaking and corrupting the sacred lawes of looue and sawe his countrie for the wicked rape and exchaung of her selfe for his newe adultersse miserably wasted and his owne Cittie sometimes the seate of demie Goddes and semy Goddesses but now an vncouth habitacle and a poore village of Sheppard swaines ouerthrowen razed cleane from the ground But truely I loue my gréefs a great deale more thē I wold eyther with tongue or hart wishe so sharpe a reuenge of my wrongfull Panphilus Ariadne also being Bacchus his wife Ariadne saw from heauen furious Phedra who was the cause that Theseus abandoning her and leauing her desolate in the Iland being newly enamoured of Phedra miserably bewitched with the incestuous looue of Hippolitus her husbande his sonne So that euery thing duely scanned I finde my selfe amongest the number of miserable and desastrous women to be tormented with more woes gréefes and with greater sorrowe then any of the rest and to haue the sole principallitie and onely name of all other distressed women whatsoeuer And I can doo no more But if perhappes good Ladies you accompt my framed arguments but friuolus assertions and repute all these former examples but weake proofes as forged in the simple conceite of an appassionated woman if you imagine them because procéeding from a blinde mind to be but blind also and of no conclusion estéeming the teres sighes and sorrowes of others more extreame then mine and thinking them to be more vnfortunate then my selfe let this onely and last proposition therefore supplie the defecte if any there be of all the rest before If he that beareth enuie is more miserable and