ghost c 25.8 and dyed in a good old age Iud 8.32 1. Chr 29.28 Gen 23 1. vers 2. an old man full of yeeres and was gathered to his people Gideon the sonne of Ioash dyed in a good old age David dyed in a good old age full of dayes riches and honour Sarah was an hundred twentie and seaven yeeres old when shee dyed in Kiriath arba These and thousands of others who lived greate and good ages lay downe in the dust and their spirits were caried by Angells into the kingdome of happinesse the citty of my God why then should not I endeavour to follow them to blisse Dye I must but when or where or how I can not determine Yet sure I am that if I live the life of the righteous I shall dye their death Num 23.10 and receave their reward As neere as I am to my longest home I am not assured what death I shall dye neither by what disease nor with what torments or ease Gen 42.38 Iacob was afraid that his gray haires should be brought downe with sorrow to the grave When David gave Solomon a charge concerning Ioab hee commanded him 1. King 2.6 saying Let not his hoary head goe downe to the grave in peace Concerning Shimei hee likewise charged him vers 9. saying His hoary head bring thou downe to the grave with blood The rebellious Israëlites were threatned for their disobedience Deut 28.49 vers 50 that the Lord should bring a nation against them which should not regard the person of the oldâ— nor shew favour to the young I have noe more priviledg nor prerogative then they unlesse I can prove that I am better then they Nay more the manner or the kind of death though never so tormenting is farre from satisfying for the smallest offence My death may be troublsome and sull of miserie and yet my doome may be full of horrour O what shall I doe What shall I doe to escape that sentence of wrath which can never be recalled The more yeeres I have lived the more sinnes I have committed The words of the ould Patriarch doe more properly belong unto mes then they did unto him Few Gen 47.9 and evill have the dayes of the yeeres of my life beene O what a world of crimes is my soule oppressed with What shall I doe to pacifie my God against whom my sinnes and offences have beene committed Nothing but blood can satisfie for my skarlet crimes and noe blood can appease him but the blood of his Sonne and noe share can I have in that most precious blood unlesse I seriously and faithfully repent mee of my sinnes Lord Is 56.3 though I may say with the Eunuch Behold I am a drie tree yet it is in thy power as well to draw water out of the dryest tree as the obdurate rockes O my God I desire to offer thee both mine eyes full of teares and a heart full of groanes If all that litle moisture which is left in my body could possibly be converted into one teare of timely and acceptable repentance even that teare ô God would I readily offer thee Lord I grieve in my very soule for the pollutions of my soule and am seriously and heartily offended at my selfe for offending thee Accept ô God the throbs of my fainting heart and be reconciled unto mee in the blood of thy sonne O Lord I sigh ô Lord I grieve My heart panteth my bowells yerne and my very soule languisheth and pineth to receave the assurance of thy favour I will lye at the poole of Bethesda as hee did who was diseased neere fortie yeeres Io. 5.5 I will lye at the gate of thy mercy ô Iesus and there will I weepe and grieve and lament and call and cry for mercy at thy hands ô blessed Redeemer and my petitions I will tender in all humilitie and devotion praying and saying The Prayer MErcifull Lord God Is 46.3 who didst promise to carrie the house of Iacob from the belly and the wombe vers 4. even to old age and hoary haires despise not the humble suite of thine aged and feeble servant My many yeeres I must confesse I have spent in vanitie and scarce one minuit of them have I devoted to thy service as I ought to have done Every day have I offended thee and every hower have I beene disobedient to thy lawes My child-hood hath beene full of folly my youth of stubbornesse my riper yeeres have beene apt to wantonnesse and mine old and aged dayes to coveteousnesse and impenitencie Thou mightest long since in thy justice have destroyed mee in my sinnes and have given mee a portion in the land of darknesse But now ô father since thou hast spared mee so long doe not condemne mee at the last Let the heavie heart and the trembling tongue and the shaking hands and the most sorrowfull soule of an humble convert find favour in thine eyes With thy mercy Iob. 4.4 Ps 35.3 Ps 39.4 ô Lord strengthen my weake hands support my feeble knees comfort my drooping heart and say unto my soule I am thy salvation Lord make mee to know mine end and the measure of my dayes that I may know how fraile I am vers 5. Ps 93.2 Ps 102.27 Ps 90.9 Mine age is nothing before thee for thou art from everlasting and thy yeeres shall not faile O be thou reconciled unto mee through the passion of my Redeemer for when thou art angry all our dayes are gone wee bring our yeeres to an end as a tale that is told Ps 71.9 O cast mee not off in this time of old age forsake mee not now my strength faileth mee Though the heavens Is 51.6 and the â—earth shall waxe old as doeth a garment and they that dwell therein shall dye yet thy salvation shall be for ever and thy righteousnesse shall not be abolished Ps 43.3 Ps 71.18 Ps 23.4 Ps 62.7 Prov. 23.22 O send out thy light and thy trueth to leade mee now I am old and gray headed ô my staffe and thou who art the onely rock of strength forsake mee not Thou hast commanded our children to hearken to their fathers that begat them and not to despise their mothers when they are old O my heavenly father doe thou make mee thy child by grace and adoption that I may hearken unto thee and never despise or forsake thy commandements Make mee allways remember thy workes ô Lord Ps 77.11 and call to mind thy wonders of old time Give mee grace to be in behaviour as becometh holinsse Tit 2.3 not given to the vices which commonly delude the ancient and decrepid but that I may be a teacher of the things that are good Peaceably ô my father Iob. 5.26 let mee come to my grave in a full age like as a shock of corne cometh in in his season By the course of nature I am ready to goe the way of all the earth
keepe it if not to increase it but as touching my time away I let it passe I give it away I lavish it away whereas noe coveteousnesse is eyther commendable or so much as lawfull but onely the coveting of our most pretious time I commonly accuse nature or rather the God of nature for allowing mee such a short time upon earth and yet certainly I speake not as I meane I doe not account it short for I throw it away I cast it away yea I contemne it as if it were base and not worth the owning Yea more I even wish it away for sometimes I wish for the expiring of a lease sometimes for the death of a friend after whose decease I shall possesse such or such a revennue whereas the shortest of these times may be many yeeres and yet I consider not that every moment shorten's my life Thus the time it selfe is become a burden to mee for I wish to hasten it and yet I consider not that the fruition of my desires would make mee in debt to yeares a thing which I dread much more then I pretend to feare the losse of my time It is the custome of our sexe to desire to live yet not to live without our youthfull desires Ould age wee conceave may be accounted venerable but youthfull yeeres wee onely delight in thus wee contemne that which is honourable and pride our selves in that which is sinfull Wee hasten in our wishes the fleeting time but wee desire to retard the chillowed and furrowed effects thereof Wee wish too early for the time not expired and then wee wish too late for what cannot be recalled My time 〈◊〉 longest is but short very short if compared with gray-headed eternitie so was the Proâ—het's allso even the Prophet David's Ps 89.47 which made him cry out Remember how short my time 〈◊〉 wherfore hast thou made all men in vaine â—aint Paul acknowledgeth likewise the shortnesse of our age speaking thus 1. Cor 7.29 This I say brethren the time is short it remaineth that both they that have wives be as though they had none c And yet as short as it is I endeavour to make 〈◊〉 shorter for to speake truely the time â—yeth not away from mee but I drive it away Religious exercises make mee deeme it long and tedious but sports and delights seeme to â—end it a wing or to ympe a feather I vallew it therfore according to my imployment esteeme it onely according to my affaires If I therfore seriously consider of it I shall â—ind it flying from those that are sportfull but walking leasurely from those who either are â—mployed in matters of religion or groane under the burden of any heavy affliction Thus farre opinion either lends it wings or pulls the quills But if with a more judicious eye I prye into my life the time of my life I shall find that a greate part thereof is lost in doeing evill the most of it in doeing nothing but I feare that I may truely say all of it in doeing what I ought not And yet for all this I cry out upon my time upon my lost time but allways I conceale to my selfe the follies where in I lost this time All this I confesse why then doe I not well imploy the litle of this litle time that so when I dye I may out-live even time it selfe I am not of their opinions who attribute wisedome unto time because it discover's teache's alter's all things This is not an act of time but in time our judgments come to maturitie and in time the decayes of nature are discovered As litle allso doe I concurre with them who account it foolish because say they it is the master of oblivion for in time all things are forgotten I attribute not either wisedome or follie to the mensuration of our lives but those I deeme either wise or foolish who well or ill dispose of their time I will endeavour for so much wisedome as to imploy my dayes in religious wisedome and I will not I neede not goe farther to seeke for the foolish and unwise then to my selfe when I vainly mis-spend the jewell of a minuit Every day I will account as lost wherein I have not beene carefull to performe my duty and every such day I will endeavour to redeeme by a sorrowfull night If a haire doeth happen to fall from my head it is beyond my art to fasten it where it grew and yet I doe not use to thinke that the minuit which is past is more certainly irrevocable I can speake my words againe and againe but I cannot live over my howers againe and againe And yet for â—l this I take delight in those shadowes of â—nity but consider not that such delight is â—rrow I labour with industrie and wearinesse â—r things that are transitorie and yet I loose them before I am aware They are not gotten without dropps of sweate and they depart not from mee without dropps of teares All that time is but losse and spent in griefe which is not layed out for the purchase of eternitie All my time is un-profitably spent if it be not sâ—ent in the service of my God With him all times are alike because hee is eternall without either beginning or ending Neither past â—or present nor future can make any alteration with him because hee seeth at once ever did and ever will see all things whatsoëver which have beene are and shall be But it is not so with mee for to mee my time is measured out and delivered by instants That which was before mee was not mine and yet I reape some benefit from it because the labours and observations of former ages occurrences are left to our times to instruct as in wisedome That time which shall be when I shall be layed low in the dust shall â—ot be mine for by reason of my sinne my life shall not continue My time then is onely for a bare terme of life and how long or â—ow short this life shall continue I know not for every moment draweth mee neerer and neerer to the period thereof I reckon my present age by the yeares that are past as if those yeares were still mine owne which are escaped from mee I reckon some times before the time determine that mine age shall be so much increased when such or such a moneth shall governe in the Kalender as if I were sure of that time which I yet have not whereas if I should live as long as I desire or reckon and make account to live I should heartily wish that mine account were ended that my reckoning were discharged Short indeede my time is not onely in it selfe or considered with eternitie but allso compared with his who is the tempter for hee was a Devill before ever was created or made either man or woman and hee shall be a Devill when none shall be loft to be allured by him Hee hath had his time to tempt
the Soliloquie A resolution for the time to come VVHile the earth remaineth sayth the Lord to Noah seede time and harvest cold and heate summer and winter Gen 8.22 day and night shall not cease This is a faithfull promise of the true God and therfore cannot be questioned or doubted by Christians But how long shall these seasons last Onely as long as the earth remaineth And how long shall the earth remaine God onely knoweth that it is not in the power or reach of the wisest upon earth to limit the time thereof A time will come Mat 24 35. when heaven and earth shall passe away when the Sunne shall be darkened and the Moone shall not give her light vers 29 and the Starres shall fall from heaven and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken but of that day vers 36 and hower knoweth noe man noe not the Angells in heaven but the Father onely The earth I know shall have a time of dissolution and her funerall piles shall be kindled and fired by him Is 30.33 whose breath like a streame of brimstone doth kindle Tophet Yet though I know not how soone this time shall be expired I hope it may be deferred for many ages and so peradventure it may be But what if it be What can the delaying thereof advantage mee How many ages have passed since the creation of the world How many millions of people have had their successions since the death of Abel I neither was created with the first nor for any thing I know shall I remaine with the last If therfore the earth and the seasons of the earth shall continue a thousand yeares if yet I live not out that thousand yeares what can the age of the world advantage mee Why then doe I fasten my hopes upon future times Why doe I confidently reckon upon yeeres to come or moneths or weekes or dayes Nay why upon to morrow Why upon an hower Why upon a minuit There is nothing more sure then that my former dayes are past and gone and may not be re-called Nothing is more certaine then that the present instant is short and cannot continue And nothing againe is more uncertaine to mee then the future time whereon I depend Moreover If I were sure to live a certaine proportion and number of dayes or weekes or moneths 2. King 20.6 if I were sure that the Lord would adde unto my dayes fifteene yeares as hee did to Hezekiahs yet how doe I know that hee would give mee grace to repent in those fifteene yeeres An impenitent life is but a living death and which is worst of all after that cometh judgment Heb 9.27 If then I vainely flatter my selfe with a hope that my life shall be prolonged and relying upon the broken reede of that deceaving hope if I deferre my repentance I doe but hope that God will lengthen my dayes that I may increase my sinnes so by consequence that my punishment may be increased There is indeede a sort of coveteous people in the world which promise to themselves a continuance of their lives that they may increase their riches These are they which say Iam 4 13. To day or to morrow wee will goe into such a citty and continue there a yeare and buy and sell and gett gaine vers 14 whereas as the Apostle saith they know not what shall be to morrow For what is our life It is even a vapour that appeareth for a litle time and then vanisheth away And there is a sort of luxurious Atheists and Epicures which say Come yee Is 56.12 I will fetch wine and wee will fill our selves with strong drinke and to morrow shall be as this day and much more aboundant Wised 2.5 These are they which say Our time is a very shadow that passeth away and after our end there is noe returning for it is fast sealed that noe man cometh againe vers 6. Come on therfore let us enjoy the good things that are present and let us speedily use the creatures vers 7. like as in youth Let us fill our selves with costly wine and ointments and let noe flower of the spring passe us vers 8. Let us crowne our selves with rose-buds before they be withered vers 9. Let none of us goe without his part of voluptuousnesse let us leave tokens of our joyfullnes in every place for this is our portion and our lott is this And these are they which like the rich Epicure in the Gospel say unto their Soules Lu 12.19 Soule thou hast much goods layed up for many yeares take thine ease eate drinke and be merry All these suppose that man was created onely for meates and not meates for man They conceave that every one shall have a time of pleasure and wickedly they seeke it in the vanitie of the creatures But oh that both they and I might ever have those words of the All mighty sounding in our eares vers 20 Thou foole this night thy soule shall be required of thee and then whose shall those things be which thou hast provided This night Lord Yes this very hower this very instant thou mayst strike mee dead then as death leaves mec judgment shall find mee O it will be a time of horrour and amazement to those that prepare not for to those that expect not his comeing 1. Pet. 4.17 Saint Perer sayd long agoe that The time is come that judgment must beginne at the house of God and if it first beginne at us Lord put mee into that number what shall the end be of them that obey not the Gospel of God And if the righteous scarcely be saved vers 18 where shall the ungodly and sinners appeare Hearke Doest thou heare that ô my soule The righteous shall scarcely be saved This is true for it is the word of trueth It was inspired by his Spirit who sayd Straite is the gate Mat 7.14 and narrow is the way that leadeth to life and few there be that find it O how I tremble when I reade that scarcely and that few What shall I doe to be one of those few allthough I obtaine it never so hardly allthough I know that I shall scarcely attaine to it Lord I will repent but doe thou assist mee Lord I will be faithfull but doe thou increase my faith Lu 17.5 I will doe I say When How Am I sure of any time but the present moment Or can I stay the present instant and hinder it from flying Noe noe I cannot By thy grace therfore blessed God even now this very instant I doe repent and am unfeignedly sorrowfull for all mine offences this very moment I doe believe all that thou hast spoken in thy holy word I doe believe thee I doe believe in thee ô Lord helpe thou my un-beliefe Mar 9.24 If I shall have any more minuits allotted mee I wil number them with my teares
greater them all these the feare of displeasing my gratious protectour bring mee back againe and keepe mee at home I would not be un-charitable but I must not be desperate Well then I am resolved what I will doe I will with Solomon goe to the houses of mourning the houses of the visited yet not in body but in mind and in purse I will pittie them and I will send reliefe unto them I dare not goe in person but I will goe in affection and for my neighbours groaning under the evill of punishment and for my selfe burdened with the evill of sinne I will feede upon my teares day and night I must grieve for my selfe in particular and yet I must not be so unkindly coveteous as to keepe my teares onely for my selfe In publike calamities those who shed noe teares may be justly suspected to have noe bowells I find my selfe not un-apt to weepe for I am prompted to that by the weakenesse of my disposition And yet I suspect my selfe I am jealous of my selfe that my teares doe rather flow from my feare of infection then from a fellow-feeling of the miseries which the infected suffer To heighten therfore my mourning and to justifie it by my compassion I will propose to my selfe the examples of others such as I find recorded in the word of my God example 1 When the destruction of the Iewes was neere at hand the Lord called upon them by the mouth of his Prophet saying Consider yee Ier 9.17 and call for the mourning women that they may come and send for cunning women that they may come And let them make hast vers 18 and take up a wayling for us that our eyes may runne downe with teares and our eye-lids gush out with waters vers 19 for a voyce of wayling is heard out of Zion How are wee spoyled c. The women were commanded to heare the word of the Lord vers 20 and their eares to receave the word of his mouth they were to teach their daughters wayling and every one her neighbour lamentation vers 21 For death was come up into their windowes and entered into their pallaces to cutt off the children from without and the young men from their streetes vers 22 Even the carkeises of men did fall as dung upon the field and as the handfull after the harvest-man and none did gather them The case is now with us as it was then with the Iewes Alasse how are wee spoyled too How is death come up into our windowes by the infectious aire How doe our children dye and our young men fall Our children which know not the cause and our young men that trusted in the strength of their youth O how doe the carkeises of men fall as dung upon the open field as the hand-full after the harvest man and yet there are none to gather them up They perish without because either there is not roome enough left with in doores for them or not people alive to attend them in their sicknesse or not people of strength enough to un-lock the doores or not meanes for their sustenance if they enter in Thus necessitie driveth them into the fields and there mortalitie seizeth upon them where noe person is found to burie their bodies noe bearers to carie them to the surfeited earth noe friends to bewayle the losse of their lives and noe Christians to cover them from their gazing spectatours the verie fowles of the aire and the beastes of the field What heart would not breake what eye would not weepe what soule would not lament for this sad visitation Lam 1.16 For these things with Ieremiah will I weepe mine eye mine eye shall runne downe with water because the comforter which should relieve our soules is farre from us example 2 The Lord hath throwne downe Ierusalem saith the Prophet and hath not pittied Lam 2.17 and hee hath caused their enemie to rejoyce over them hee hath sett up the horne of their adversarie vers 18 Their heart cryed unto the Lord O wall of the daughter of Zion let teares runne downe like a river day and night give thy selfe noe rest let not the apples of thine eyes cease Arise vers 19 cry out in the night in the beginning of the watches powre out thine heart like water before the face of the Lord lift up thy hands towards him for the life of thy young children that faint in the topp of every streate vers 1. Even thus hath the Lord covered us allso with a clowde in his anger as then hee did the daughter of Zion and cast downe from heaven unto the earth the beautie of our Israël and remembred not his foote stoole in the day of his anger An enemie destroyeth and rejoyceth over us but such an enemie it is as neither can heare nor will spare The verie aire which was created to coole the flames of our scorching hearts is so poisoned with the infection that the more wee make of it the lesse wee our selves are made by it the closer wee seate it even to and in our hearts the neerer doth the infection approach our spirits The corrupted aire shall be therfore cleansed by the thick groanes that shall flye from my heavy heart and be purified with the thunder of my lowdest cryes With Moab in the prophesie Is 15.2 vers 3. I will howle over Nebo and over Medeba In the streetes let every one gird himselfe with sack-cloth on all their heads let there be baldnesse on the toppes of our houses and in our streetes let every one howle â—er 48.4 weeping aboundantly for wee are destroyed for our litle ones have caused a cry to be heard Oh our sucklings that cry for milke from the breast suck in destruction when they expect their nourishment For these things with Ierusalem I will weepe sore in the night in this night of a generall affliction Lam 1.2 my teares shall be on my cheekes because among all our lovers there is none to comfort us example 3 At the finall desolation of the house of Israël Eze 7.16 the Prophet tould them that They that fled away of them should escape and should be on the mountaines like Doves of the valleys all of them mourning every one for his iniquitie All hands should be feeble vers 17 and all knees should be weake as water vers 18 They should allso gird themselves with sack-cloth and horrour should cover them and shame should be upon all their faces and baldnesse upon their heads Lord what a time of mourning should here be What a time of horrour Destruction is threatned and whom destruction missed mourning should over-take feeblenesse should follow weakenesse should pursue horrour should cover Oh that verie time is come now upon us that prophesie is fullfilled in our Israel Here is noe sword to slay us noe fierie engines of a hellish invention to murder us noe men to take us captives
let the sicknesse of our bodies put us in mind of the diseases of our soules Good God either preserve us from sicknesse or protect us in sicknesse Be thou our God and make us thy servants and then come either with health or with sicknesse thy will be done Ps 91.7 Thou canst cause a thousand to fall at our side and ten thousand at our right hand and yet preserve us Thou canst if thou pleasest vers 10 so protect us that noe evill may befall us nor any plague come nigh our dwelling O graunt therfore that wee may make thee our refuge vers 9. Ps 38.6 yea thee who art the most high our habitation Wee are troubled o Lord wee are bowed downe greately wee goe mourning all the day long Ps 102 9. vers 10 Wee eate ashes as it were bread and mingle our drinke with weeping because of thine indignation and thy wrath for thou hast lifted us up and cast us downe But o thou who art my onely rock Ps 42.9 why hast thou forgotten us O why goe wee thus mourning by reason of this affliction Ps 43.2 Thou art the God of our strength Why doest thou cast us off O give mee leave with Queene Esther to speake yet againe before thee the King of Kings Est 8.3 and to fall downe at thy feete as shee did at the feete of King Ahasuerus and to besiech thee with teares to with-draw thy visitation Iob. 14 22. O Lord our verie soules within us doe mourne for thou doest cause our Sunne to goe downe at noone and doest darken our earth in the cleere day Amos. 8.9 vers 10 Thou hast turned our fasts into mourning and all our songs into lamentation thou hast brought sack-cloth upon our loynes Lam. 5.15 vers 16 and made our mourning as the mourning of an onely sonne The joy of our hearts is ceased and the crowne is fallen from our head Woe unto us that wee have sinned But ô thou who wert annointed to preach good tidings unto the meeke Is 61.1 who wert sent to bind up the broken-hearted vers 2. to proclame liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to them that are bound to proclaime the acceptable yeere of the Lord yea and the day of vengeance of our God to comfort all that mourne vers 3. to appoint unto them that mourne in Zion to give unto them beawtie for ashes the oyle of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heavinesse Thou who settest up on high those that be low Iob. 5.11 Ps 102 17. that those which mourne may be exalted to safety Reguard thou I most humbly and earnestly besiech thee the prayers of us the poore destitute despise not our desires Thou hast seene our wayes Is 57.18 O doe thou heale us leade us allso and restore comforts unto us that wee may be called Trees of righteousnesse the planting of thee our Lord that thou mayst be glorified Wound us not Ier. 30.14 O father with the wound of an enemie with the chastisement of a cruel one for the multitude of our iniquities vers 15 Let not our sorrow be incurable because our sinnes be increased Though for a small moment thou hast seemed to forsake us Is 54.7 yet with thy greate mercies gather us againe vers 8. In aditle wrath thou doest hide thy face from us for a moment but with ever-lasting kindnesse have mercy upon us ô Lord our Redeemer O thou who art our Redeemer vers 5. Ps 34.15 Is 37.17 the Holy one of Israel the God of the whole earth Let thine eares be open unto our cryes open thine eyes and see our afflictions how wee are shut up from the comforts of the godly and from the societie of our indeared friends Ps 13.3 Consider and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten our eyes lest wee sleepe the sleepe of death Ps 123.2 Behould as the eyes of servants looke unto the hand of their masters and as the eyes of a mayden unto the hand of her mistresse so our eyes wayt upon thee ô Lord our God untill thou have mercy upon us O doe thou graunt unto us remisston of our sinnes patience in our miseries comfort in our distresse physick for our health and recoverie and in thy blessed time bring our soules out of prison Ps 142.7 that wee may give thanks unto thy name which thing if thou wilt graunt unto us then shall the righteous resort againe unto our companie Ps 79.13 So shall wee that be thy people and sheepe of thy pasture give thee thanks for ever and shew forth thy praise from generation to generation world with-out end Amen subject 15 THE FIFTEENTH SUBJECT Teares of her who is visited with the Pestilence being 1 Either wounded with a Sore 2 Or marked with the Tokens soliloquy 1 1. Teares of the visited being wounded with a Sore The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray OH 't is come 't is come Ps 55.4 My heart is sore pained within mee and the terrours of death are fallen upon mee See See What swelling's this What rising's this Oh it is the messenger of death and biddeth mee to enquire into my sinfull life I am struck oh I am struck to the heart This is the impression of anger and the blott of him who in his wrath may justly blott mee out of his wonted compassion Yet let mee not despaire let mee not be too much dismayd While there is life there is hope The woman in the law who had gone aside to another man in-steed of her husband whereof her husband was jealous Num. 5.20 and brought her to her purgation was to be charged by the Priest with an oath of cursing vers 21 vers 22 upon whose drinking of water her belly did swell and her thigh did rott Surely I have drunke none of that water or if I have it cannot hurt mee for by that very law vers 28 the innocent escaped free from the punishment I have never disbonoured my nuptiall bed nor defiled my selfe with any other man that this swelling should light upon mee Yet now I better consider of it let mee not deceave my selfe There is as well a spirituall as a carnall adulterie Even a virgin may be styled an adulteresse Have I never turned from my God Hath my soule never forsaken her deerest husband my blessed Redeemer to commit a spirituall whoredome O guiltie guiltie woe is mee I cannot choose but pleade guiltie to this my indictment My conscience telleth mee that I have followed the temptations of the enemies of Christ I cannot tell how often and justly therfore I must confesse may this swelling be my punishment for greater then this hath beene my due
1. King 14.18 Had not my husband beene King yet how should I forbeare the expence of a teare when death depriveth mee of the name of a wife Had hee not beene godly then the words of the Psalmist might peradventure have beene verified even of him Ps 27.15 His widow shall not weepe But ô hee was full of love and hee was truely religious for mine owne losse therfore must I freely weepe because my loving my religious husband is taken from mee Naomi requited the love of her daughters in law expressed to their dead husbands with a fervent prayer saying Ruth 1.8 The Lord deale kindly with you as yee have dealt with the dead and with mee vers 9. The Lord graunt that yee may find rest each of you in the house of her husband When the wife of Ezekiel was taken from him I doubt not but hee loved her so well that hee would have bemoaned her departure had not the Lord expressely charged him the contrarie Eze 24 16. But the Lord said unto him Sonne of man behold I take away from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroake yet neither shalt thou mourne nor weepe neither shall thy teares runne downe Forbeare to cry vers 17 make noe mourning for the dead bind the tire of thine head upon thee and put on thy shooes upon thy feete and cover not thy lipps Surely his teares were not forbidden as if it were un-lawfull to lament the dead Noe it was onely because the Lord by that figne would shew that the calamitie of the Iewes should be beyond that sorrow which enforceth a weeping But what was Ezekiel's losse in comparison of mine Hee was a man and a Prophet set over his wife to be her instructer so was mine set over mee allso but there the scholler onely departed the wife here the very Oracle is ceased my husband is gone While hee was alive my knowledg was increased for if I would have learned any thing 1. Cor 14.15 1. Pet 3 7. I could aske him at home Hee dwelt with mee according to knowledg giving honour unto mee as to the weaker vessell and as being heires together of the grace of life Eph. 5.28 1. Tim. 5.8 so that our prayers were not hindered Hee loved mee even as his owne body hee provided both for mee and mine But now alas I may live in ignorance dis-respected and un provided for none will comfort mee none will helpe mee as did my husband that 's gone Act. 5.4 Though wicked Saphira had joyned with Ananias her husband in lying unto God concerning the sale of their possession vers 5. and her husband at the words of Saint Peter fell downe and gave up the ghost and was caried out by the young men vers 6. and buried yet shee lived not long enough either to bewayle his death or to consider of her losse Shee continued a widow but about three howers space vers 7. vers 10 and then fell downe at the Apostles feete and yeelded up the ghost Shee quickly followed her husband in death who joyned in the wickednesse with him in his life Shee hastened to the grave of her departed consort as if love had forbad her to survive her husband Yet it was not love but justice which made them lye together in the silent grave since they joyned together in a lye in their lives This alas was not a testimonie of her love so quickly to follow her husband to the land of darknesse Mee think's that I could be well contented to have dyed with my husband and to be layed in the grave by his frozen body but neither would I have sinne to be the cause nor judgment the effect Why then doe I so much lament his departure whose death was full of an assurance of life and whose hope was full of immortalitie Had Saphira survived her deceased husband but so long as to have beene sensible of the manner of his death it may be imagined that shee would have sighed her selfe to the grave and even griefe alone would have joyned them in the vault of darknesse and silence But God delayed not the punishment of her who obstinately persisted in the crime of her husband Here is yet some comfort for mee in my deepe calamitie that neither my husband was guilty of the sinne of Ananias nor yet did his death come so unexpected Why then should I grieve so much for the departure of him who is gone from hence to eternall rest Hee dyed in the Lord Reu 14 13. and I cannot therfore doubt but hee is assuredly blessed Hee resteth from his labours and his workes doe follow him Why then doe I shed such an aboundance of teares as if I either distrusted his happinesse or envyed his felicity My cause is not so greate if I rightly weigh it as to cause these floods to arise in mine eyes When I thinke upon him I have reason to rejoyce both because hee is freed as well from the tyrannie of sinne as from the miserie it produceth and allso because hee is at rest in my God If I consider my selfe allso mine affliction is not so greate nor my teares so just as I doe imagine for they will prove rather an argument of my distrust in God then of my love to my husband if I give them the freedome to flow beyond moderation Hee who lent mee him can send mee another yea such a one as may deserve as well and to whom my love may be as fervent If I have lost mine estate yet I have not lost my protectour unlesse I forsake him in my distrust If I complaine for want of the joy of societie even my very thoughts so they be religions will delight mee with their companie If I want an instructer my God will be my guide If I want a comforter my God will wipe these teares from mine eyes If I want either foode or sustenance for my body Prov 15.15 yet a good conscience will prove a continuall feast My losse is not so greate as ever was sustained if I compare it with those which others have soffered Naömie's affliction was greater then mine Ruth 1 3. when not onely her husband Elimelech but allso her two sonnes Mahlon and Chilion dyed and the woman was left of her two sonnes her husband at once 1. Sam. 4.11 It was worse by farre with the wife of Phinehar then it is with mee for her husband and his brother were both slaine in one day by the Amalekites yea and that in judgment too c 3.13 even because they made themselves vile and their father restrained them not When the newes came to her that the Arke of God was taken by the un-circumcised c 4.13 that ould Eli her father in law hearing the newes that the Arke was taken and that his sonnes were slaine vers 18 fell from the seate back-ward by the side of the gate and brake his neck and
shortnesse of our lives then the most eloquent straines of the best rhetorician These bells assure mee that my life is but a found a noise an aier these perfumes tell mee that it is but a vapour 1. Pet. 1 24. these herbs doe teach mee that flesh is as grasse and these teares these early teares which so suddenly arise when my heart doeth call teach mee mortalitie in their hastie falling And who can choose but weepe for the shortnesse of our lives Who can forbeare a teare at the funerall of a friend It was a curse inflicted upon the wicked Iewes that they neither should be buried nor yet lamented They shall dye of grievous deaths sayth the Prophet Ier. 16.4 they shall not be lamented neither shall they be buried but they shall be as dung upon the face of the earth and their carkeises shall be meate for the fowles of heaven vers 5. for the beasts of the earth For thus saith the Lord Enter not into the house of mourning neither goe to lament nor bemoane them for I have taken away my peace from this people saith the Lord even loving kindnesse c 25.33 and Ierusaâ—mercies So the slaine of Iudah and IerusaleÌ„ saith the Prophet shall not be lamented neither gathered nor buried they shall be dung upon the ground So it was threatned concerning Iehojakim the sonne of Iosiah King of Iudah saying c 22.18 They shall not lament for him saying Ah my brother or ah sister they shall not lament for him saying ah Lord or ah his glory It was a judgment upon the Israelites Amos 8.2 when the Lord sayd by the mouth of his Prophet The end is come upon my people of Israel vers 3. and the songs of the temples shall be howlings in that day saith the Lord there shall be many dead bodies in every place they shall cast them forth with silence Surely if ever nature had libertie to pleade for the convenience yea for the necessitie of a teare it may at this time command Grace must and most willingly shall have the chiefe predominance but let nature have likewise it 's qualified drops so they grow not immoderate Though my losse be the greatest to whom hee was a husband yet others may weepe too to whom hee was a friend Gen 50.7 When Ioseph went to burie his father then all the servantâ— of Pharaoh went with him and the Elderâ— of his house and all the Elders of the land oâ— Egypt vers 8. And all the house of Ioseph and his brethren vers 10 and his father's house And they came to the threshing floore of Atad and there they mourned with a greate and very sore lamentation and hee made a mourning for his father seaven dayes Io 11.31 VVhen Lazarus was buried and the Iewes saw Mary rise up hastily and goe out they litle imagined that shee went to meete the Lord of life but they followed her saying Shee goeth unto the grave to weepe there When her brother Lazarus was dead shee wept and her sister wept and her friends the Iewes wept and when Christ did see them all thus weeping hee was so farre from blaming them vers 35 2. Chr 35.24 that hee wept himselfe When Iosiah was slaine his servants tooke him out of the charet wherein hee was wounded and put him in the second charet which hee had they brought him to Ierusalem And hee dyed and was buried in one of the sepulchres of his fathers and all Iudah and Ierusalem mourned for Iosiah VVhen Samuel was dead 1. Sam. 28.3 all Israel lamented him and buried him in Ramah in his owne citty 1. King 13.29 VVhen the ould Prophet tooke up the carkeise of the man of God who had beene slaine by a Lyon hee layed it upon the Asse and brought it back and came to the â—tty to mourne and to burie him vers 30 And hee layd his carkeise in his owne grave and they mourned over him saying Alas my brother The children of Israel wept for Moses in the â—laines of Moab thirtie dayes Deut 34.8 1 Sam 15.35 Though Saâ—uel tooke his leave departed from Saul â—nd come noe more to see him untill the day of â—is death neverthelesse Samuell mourned for Saul Iud 11 39. vers 40 Though Iephthah's daughter had beene lead and buried long before yet it was a â—ustome in Israel that the daughters of Israel went yeerely to lament the daughter of Iephthah â—he Gileadite fower dayes in a yeere When Stephen was stoned Act 8.2 devout men caried him to his buriall and made greate lamentation over him 2. Chr 32.33 VVhen Hezekiah slept with his fathers hee was buried in the chiefest of the sepulchres of the sonnes of David and all Iudah and the inhabitants of Ierusalem did him honour at his death Lu 7.38 VVhen Mary Magdalene stood weeping at the feete of my Saviour and did wash his feete with teares and wiped them with the haires of her head and brought an Alabaster boxe of oyntment vers 37 and anointed him with the ointment vers 38 hee was so farre from dis-liking it in her that hee checked his disciples who had indignation at the act and therfore sayd Mat 26 8. To what purpose is this wast Yea hee reproved them and sayd unto them Why trouble yee the Woman vers 10 For shee hath wrought a good worke upon mee vers 12 For in that shee hath powred this oyntment on my body shee did it for my buriall Shee hath done what shee could Mar 14 8. shee is comâ— afore hand to anoint my body to the burying Here I find was oyntment to embalme him and here were allso teares at his funerall and yet so farre was Christ from blaming her for her teares that hee not onely decreed the publishing of this act through the world where the gospel should be preached Mat. 26 13. that for a memoriall of her but hee likewise upbraided Simon with the teares of the sinner Lu 7.44 and sayd unto him I entered into thine house and thou gavest mee noe water for my feete but shee hath washed my feete with teares and wiped them with the haires of her head vers 47 c. Wherfore her sinnes which are many are forgiven for shee loved much Weepe then I may upon this sad occasion yea and weepe may my friends too Teares are as proper at a funerall as smiles at a wedding Wee have two mariages the first whereof is to living dust the last to the cold and silent earth At the former wee rejoyce for it was an institution of God before man had sinned Gen 2.24 at the latter wee weepe for it is the effect of sinne Wee cloath our selves in delightfull colours when wee celebrate the former but our blacks at the latter are our wedding garments The Rosemarie is served about at each the gloves and the favours attend at each
SUBJECT Teares of a woman in a deepe Consumption or in any other languishing disease The Soliloquie Consisting of three parts viz 1 A complaint and description of the nature of the disease 2 The cause of the maladie 3 The hope of recoverie part 1 The First part of the Soliloquie expressing A complaint and description of the nature of the disease THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray ALl flesh is as grasse saith the Apostle 1. Pet 1 24. and all the glory of man as the flower of the grasse The grasse withereth and the flowâ— thereof falleth away Blessed Apostle hoâ— truely hast thou discribed the condition oâ— humanitie O how sensible am I of thâ— piercing trueth of that sacred text Those whom age enforceth to decline doe easily feele their approaching autumne Io 4.35 and when they lift up their eyes and looke on the fieldâ— on the drooping yeeres of their parched selves they easily conclude themselves to be white allready unto the horvest But must death be confined to the leasure of antiquitie and allways be locked out untill it hath complyed with age to destroy the prison O noe I find it otherwise Death may as easily enteâ— at the gates of diseases as at the stooping salie-port of numerous yeeres Mee think'sâ— see it staring and gaping upon mee with aâ— eager appetite and when I pleade the minoritie of my time it telleth mee that the flowes may be cropped in their spring True it is that every one in the prime of yeeres is like unto grasse priding himselfe in the verdure of youth if yet hee be permitted to enjoy iâ— with delight Wee grow up with the strength of a juycie stemme and beare the flowers oâ— beawtie and glory But when our pompe hath jollied it selfe in the pleasure of earth and our strength hath wantonned among the painted flowers of the springing fields at length the sappe shall returne the Sunne shall withdraw it selfe the plant shall wither and the sith shall cut it downe But is this true in those alone whose hearie heads incline to the earth and whose stooping bodies are bowed by antiquitie Alas noe Diseases have a power as greate as hath age and can worke the carkeise in the selfe same mould as doeth length of dayes I am sure it is so I find it so I see it so I feele it so in the continuance of mine infirmitie The naturall heate moisture of my body decline like the juyce of the flowers In the time of their autumne and what a number of yeares could not easily have effected the sharpnesse of a maladie can quickly conclude Man dyeth saith Iob Iob 14.10 and wasteth away yea man giveth up the ghost and where is hee Too true too true it is that I dye while I live and I wast away when I hope to increase My life is but a lingering death for my meates nourish mee not my drinkes comfort mee not my physick restore's mee not my clothes content mee not and my bed easeth mee not When I hope that my meate will nourish mee then the weakenesse of my stomack chides mee for my hope and tell 's mee that it is wearie of the labour of the teeth When I desire that my drinke should comfort mee then the in-disposition of my concoction frustrateth my desires and causeth my stomack to render back the present in contempt of the briberie When I too seriously rely upon the skill of the Physitian and have a kind of confidence that his physick shall restore mee then either his ignorance of my disease or the debilitie of my deaded body or the in-disposition of the druggs flowte's mee for my confidence and tell 's mee I must dye When my clothes are presented to the heate of the fire and requested to convey the warmth to my chillowed body then either the ayer lyeth in wayte and robbeth them of the heate or else the stricktnesse of the poares of my shrivelled skinne deny it accesse by those contracted doores Iob. 7.13 vers 14 vers 15 vers 16 When I say My bed shal comfort mee my couch shall ease my complaint them am I skared with dreames and terrified through visions so that my soule chooseth death rather then life I loath it I would not live allway let mee alone for my dayes are vanitie Ps 22.15 My strength is dryed up like a pot-sheard my tongue cleaveth to my jawes and I am brought into the dust of death I am chastened with paine upon my bed Iob 33 19. Ps 22.17 and the multitude of my bones with strong paine I may tell all my bones they looke and stareâ— upon mee Lord what a walking ghost am I become even able to affright the world with amazement and wonder at the power of a Consumption Eyes fare yee well yee shall noe more be admird by spectatours nor convey enticements of wickednesse to my deluded heart Eares fare yee well yee shall noe more enjoy the fond delights of earthly musick nor shall the Ecchoeing Choristars of the yealding ajer any more bewitch you with the melodie of their voyces And yee the rest of my senses take your leaves labour noe more the service of my body for bitternesse hath seized upon my tast roughnesse my touch and dullnesse my smelling Mine eyes have now none other object then the bare perusing of â—he craggie mountaines of my rising bones and â—he pale dull lead-colloured skinne is so brivelled and deformed just like the parchment which is contracted and puckered by the â—eate of the fire Mine Eares are entertained with noe other sound 's then a hollow cough which borroweth from my lungs as much of their froath as they can spare at a time and make's mee see how I howerly consume by mammocks All that I have is paine and all that I am is a burden to my selfe When I thinke to walke my knees complaine my Feete are unwilling if the charitable hand of a friend supporteth mee I am to beginne againe to learne to goe When I thinke to discourse the first word biddeth mee be silent and speake noe more lest my spirits should slinke from mee in the ajer of my speech I am growne as much a trouble to society as they doe appeare a burden unto mee I am not so weake in my digestion as I am various in mine appetite and if speedily I am not furnished with what I long for I am presently passionate if it cometh as I desire I am cloyed with the sight I puzzle mine invention to become my Caterer and if I obtaine what I thinke upon I am surfieted with looking upon it Full I am of paine but distinctly and most predominantly I know not where Every part hath a share in the anguish and yet I cannot say which part is most afflicted I cry when I am pained
seldome is love forgotten in the mother of children Cant. 3 6. in whom it is commonly as strong as death vers 7. for many waters cannot quench it neither can the floods drowne it Much therfore I cannot blame the wife of Zebedeus for the fervency of her affection to her beloved Sonnes All that shee erred in was both in the thing shee requested and in the person to whom shee tendered her petition Surely without offence I may likewise besiech my mercifull Saviour that hee will be pleased to undertake the protection of my young ones It is a petition more proper for mee then her's was for her for shee was living and might have beene a comfort unto them but I am dying I am leaving the world I lye drawingon and wayting for that blessed hower of my Saviours comeing All that is left mee now to doe is onely to blesse them before my departure and this is the best legacie that I can bequeath unto them I must I will blesse them by the leave and favour of my God yet not as from my selfe but onely from God not as thinking that my power can purchase their happinesse but praying to him that his blessing may prosper them Thus by faith did dying Iacob blesse both the Sonnes of Ioseph Heb. 11 21. and worshipped leaning upon the top of his staffe Thus old Isaak said unto Esau his Sonne Gen. 27 2. vers 3. Behold now I am old I know not the day of my death now therfore take I pray thee thy we opons thy quiver and thy bowe and goe out to the field and take mee some venison vers 4. and make mee savourie meate such as I love and bring it to mee that I may eate that my soule may blesse thee before I dye Thus Isaak blessed Iacob and said c 28.3 God All-mighty blesse thee and make thee fruitfull and multiplie thee that thou mayest be a multitude of people c. 49.28 Thus Iacob blessed the twelve tribes when hee spake unto them and blessed them every one according to his blessing hee blessed them c 31.55 Thus Laban even in the time of his health rose up early in the morning and kissed his Sonnes and his daughters and blessed them and then departed and returned to his place Yea thus even Moses who was but a leader of the people and not so neerely linked unto them by the bonds of nature blessed them and sayd Deut. 1 11. The Lord God of your fathers make you a thousand times so many more as yee are and blessed you as hee hath promised you Thus the same Moses againe drawing neere to the time of his leaving the world c. 33.1 with his blessing did blesse the children of Israel before his death Thus when the dayes of David drew neere that hee should dye 1. King 2.1 hee gave a charge and a blessing to his beloved Sonne Solomon And noe marveile since it is most true that hee whom God blesseth is blessed Num 22.6 and hee whom hee curseth is cursed The blessing of a parent is nothing but a prayer to the giver of good things Iam. 1.17 that hee may be pleased to send his blessing on their issue Mee thinks therfore the words of Samuel which hee sayd unto the people doe take a deepe impression in my breast 1. Sam. 12.23 for hee sayd God forbid that I should sinne against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you With leave then of my God I will see my children and I will kisse them as Laban did his and I will likewise blesse them The Lord direct mee in my prayers for them and the Lord accept my prayers grant my requests which I shall make unto him for them part 2 The Second part being the benediction or blessing it selfe ending in a prayer MY deerest children yee whom I love in the tender yerning bowells of affection draw neere and attend to the words of your dying mother A weake woman yee see I am but yet sinfull I am which peradventure yee see not O weepe not my prettie ones doe not pierce and breake my troubled heart with your sad laments I must dye my litle ones and goe to a better place whither yee I hope shall one day follow mee Wee came not together into the world nor shall wee goe together out of it In vaine doe yee shed those teares of sorrow for allthough nature teacheth you to bewayle my departure yet grace will teach you to moderate your mourning My heart even bleede's to leave you behind mee fearing lest yee will forget the commandements of your God I should be sorrie to have just cause to say unto you as Moses did to the Levites yet I will put you in mind of his words Deut. 31.27 Behold sayd hee while I am yet alive with you this day yee have beene rebellious against the Lord vers 29 how much more after my death I know that after my death yee will utterly corrupt your selves and turne aside from the way which I commanded you and evill will befall you in the latter dayes because yee will doe evill in the sight of the Lord Heb. 6.9 to provoke him to anger through the worke of your hands But I am perswaded better things of you and things that accompanie salvation though I thus speake O my deare ones hearken unto the words which I shall say They must be my legacie unto you heare mee with patience and treasure up in your memories the last speech of your fainting your dying mother How deare yee cost mee before yee had life and what pangs and torments I suffered for you before yee were heard or seene in the world yee cannot imagine nor I expresse Yet all was forgotten for joy that yee were borne Ioa 16.21 and hoping that yee would adde unto the quire of Saints To this purpose I have laboured and taken care for the nourishment both of your soules bodies and for your sustentation so much as in mee lay from the breast to this instant O what sad and perplexed thoughts have I had for you in the day times and how many howers have I borrowed from my sleepe in the nights to thinke what would become of you if yee should not be obedient to the commandements of my God! To the same God they are best knowne O how often upon my knees have I prayed for your happinesse and wept and mourned when yee have done what yee ought not To him is it best knowne to whom I now am goeing Sometimes when yee have offended I was enforced to correct you but each stripe which yee receaved did cut mee into the heart In many things yee failed because yee were young and in many things I failed too because I am a weake and a sinfull woman If at any time yee thought that I did not my duety take heede that hereafter yee remember it not to my dishonour Ponder in your
learne to depend upon God Some things wee thinke wee can certainly foresee consulting with reason about those causes and effects which are meerely naturall but yet wee often faile in our expectations either through the defect of reason or the indisposition and weakenesse of the second causes or else yea and most chiefely by the order of the Most High Yet some are so fond as to magnifie their reason and thereupon ground a necessitie of events not well considering that Allthough this reason obligeth men yet it tyeth not him who is farre above both reason and nature Some againe in their curiositie prying too neerely into things to come borrow their assistance from the Prince of the ayer accounting their knowledg an excellency not tyed to the lawes of religion Thus did that wicked King Ahazia but contrarie to his expectation hee receaved an answer from a Prophet of the Lord vers 6. for Elijah said unto him Thus saith the Lord Therfore thou shalt not come downe from that bed on which thou art gone up but shalt surely dye O what a dreadfull sentence was this Especially to him who sought to the Devill that lyer for his knowledg but receaved such an answer from God who could not deceave Thus am I gone up to my bed too as was that bruised King I am tormented with sicknesse and I languish in a disease O what shall I doe Faine mee thinks I would be certified how long I have to live faine I would live Ps 39.4 and yet I am not certaine of life I am not readie for death and yet I am heartily afraid that I shall find this death too readie for mee But why should I not dye Am I not disturbed with heates and colds with weakenesse and feeblenesse Am I not in a world that giveth noe content That can neither bound my desires nor yet afford what I seeke While I am here I am subject to miseries every moment When I shall be gone this faintnesse and weakenesse these troubles and perturbations shall forsake my weake and infirme body But what then When my body shall sleepe in the silent grave shall it continue there for ever Or shall the soule have a decay and yeald to corruption together with my body of clay and earth Noe noe nothing lesse The body shall indeede lye downe in the dust but yet it shall one day be summoned to rise againe but the soule is eternall it shall continue for ever For ever it shall rest in continuall peace or for ever it shall be tormented in ever-lasting flames Noe merveile then ô my sorrowfull soule that thou art unwilling to leave this tabernacle of flesh since thou knowest not whither thou shalt flye at thy departure But why should not I as well hope for felicitie as dread those torments when my life shall end Doe I aske Why The reason is too plaine What good can I expect from the hands of him whom I have never loved whom I have never obeyed Those whom hee crowneth with heavenly blisse are they who sought for it in a miserable life But I have so lived upon earth as if earth should continue and I have made choyce of this world for the seate of my happinesse But now alas to my woe I find that earth can neither afford any true content nor yet a continuance of that which I accounted good What now shall I doe O whither shall I betake my selfe that I may be partaker of those joyes which are the inheritance of the godly Num. 23.10 Faine I would dye the death of the righteous and I wish that my last end might be like unto his But is this a desire easie to be graunted Alas had I lived the life of the righteous I might then have beene sure I should have dyed the death of them But that ô that is it which pricketh mee at the heart I have lived in sensualitie and this evill day hath beene out of my remembrance so that I cannot comfort my selfe with the smallest hope of what I so eagerly covet But what then Is there noe remedie at all but that I must have the bitter portion with the damned in hell God forbid Hee who hath forborne mee so long when I went on in my wickednesse may yet if hee please afford mee his mercy It is not above his power nor will it eclipse his glory It was once his free promise to a thiefe even dying upon the crosse Lu 23.43 2. Cor. 1.20 This day shalt thou be with mee in paradise His promises allso are sure they are in him yea and in him Amen I doubt not therfore but his mercy was as greate as his word was sure Thus hee saved one which forbiddeth mee despairing yet it was but one which forbiddeth mee presuming But surely it can be noe presumption to build upon his goodnesse Hee delighteth not in the death of a sinner What good can the condemning of mee doe either to him or his creatures True it is that his justice maybe magnified by it but yet it will adde noe glory to his mercy Againe there are but a few in heaven to sing forth his praises but infinite millions in hell and destruction dishonour him in their blasphemies In heaven mee think's there is one too few untill I shall come thither to adde to the number In hell mee think's there would be one too many if I should be throwne into that gulfe of perdition O my God since thou hast vouchsafed mee the knowledg of a heaven yea and of thee the Lord of heaven and earth allthough my knowledg be imperfect thou art offended yet for the merits of thy Sonne be pleased to make mee a cittizen of heaven Rev 21 27. It is most true that there shall in noe wise enter into that place any thing that defileth neither whatsoëver worketh abomination or maketh a lye but they onely which are written in the Lamb's booke of life Upon these termes my hopes indeede doe languish and grow more faint then my feeble body But who is that which condemneth the wicked Is it not hee who likewise calleth the wicked and inviteth them to mercy Is it not hee who telleth mee by his Prophet and saith it himselfe Eze 18 21. If the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that hee hath committed and keepe all my statutes Vers 22 doe that which is lawfull and right hee shall surely live hee shall not dye All his transgressions that hee hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him vers 23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should dye Saith the Lord God and not that hee should returne from his wayes and live O who is more wicked then I Who more sinfull then I My life hath beene nothing but a continued rebellion and my time hath beene wasted in nothing but disobedience Yet while I have life I have hope If I can but know mine iniquities and get a sorrowfull spirit for them
I am strongly assured that shortly even presently Ps 36.9 in thy light in thy Kingdome whereof thou thy selfe art the light Reu 21 23. Eccl. 7.1 I shall see light Now doe I with heavenly comfort assure my selfe that the day of death is better farre better then the day of my birth for I was borne to sinne Ps 23.4 but I dye to reigne Now though I walke through the valley of the shadow of death I can feare noe evill for thou art with mee thy rod and thy staffe thy comfort mee VVhat though I am counted with them that goe downe to the pit Ps 88.4 andam as a man that hath noe strength Iob. 17 1. VVhat though my breath be corrupt though my spirit be spent though my dayes be extinct and though the graves be ready for mee vers 13 VVhat though the grave be mine house and presently I shall make my bed in the darknesse VVhat though corruption vers 16 and the worme shall goe downe to the barrs of the pit and our rest shall be together in the dust VVhat though death be come up into my windowes into mine eyes Ier. 9.21 Ps 107 18. and be entered into the tabernacle of my body VVhat though my soule abhorreth all manner of meate and I draw necre unto the gates of death VVhat though my heart be sore pained within mee Ps 55.4 Ps 44.17 and the terrours of death be fallen upon mee Yet though all this be come upon mee I will not forget thee o my God neither will I deale falsly in thy covenant vers 18 My heart shall not be turned back neither shall my stepps decline from thy way noe vers 19 though thou hast sore broken mee in the place of dragons and doest cover mee with the shadow of death I am goeing now the way of all the earth Ios 23.14 and doe know in my heart and in my soule that not one thing shall faile mee which the Lord my God hath promised to his elect Now am I joyfully goeing to the gates of the grave Is 38.10 I am deprived of the residue of my yeares vers 11 vers 12 I shall behold man noe more with the inhabitants of the earth Mine age is departed and is removed from mee even as a shep-heard's tent But yet Lord Ps 39.7 what is my hope Truely my hope is even in thee I shall speedily depart then shall I joyfully be freed from sinne Mat 26 38. The soule of my Redeemer was exceeding sorrowfull even unto death and all for my sake as well as for others that I might now be joyfull and rejoyce unto life Mee think 's that voyce from heaven which was heard by the Apostle is now sounding in mine eares and saying Reu. 14 13. Blessed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hence forth yea faith the spirit that they may rest from their labours and their workes doe follow them Mee think's I find the words of the Psalmist full of truth and comfort Ps 116.15 that Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints O now mee think's like that blessed martyr Saint Stephen looking up to the heavens I see thâ—… open Act 7.55 Ps 31.5 and the glory of God and my Iesus staâ— ding on the right hand of his father I come Lord I come Into thy hands I commend my spirit for thou hast redeemed mee ô Lord thâ—… God of truth Take mee into thine armes ô God Act. 7.59 Convey mee to thy Kingdome ô Christ Lord Iesus receave my spirit Amen subject 27 The TWENTIE-SEAVENTH SUBJECT Teares in the distressed time of civill warrs The Soliloquie containing a patheticall and grievous lamentation for the present distractions both in the Church Common-wealth by reason of these cruell most bloody warrs THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words ô Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voyce of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray SHall a trumpet be blowne in the city and the people not be afraid Amos. 3.6 Saith the Lord by the mouth of his holy Prophet A trumpet Why Lev. 25 9. Is that so dreadfull So terribleâ— I find that a trumpet of Iubilee was appointedâ— be sounded in the day of atonement throughout 〈◊〉 the land of promise when the Israelitâ— should come into it and certainly wheâ— that trumpet sounded the people rejoyced 〈◊〉 were not afraid Yea but the Lord called not to rejoycing and Iubilees when he threatned Israel by the mouth of that Prophe who was among the herdmen of Tekoa Amos. 1.1 The first sound of a trumpet that ever was heard as the Scriptures mention was a cause of trembling Ex. 19.14.15 for the third day after Mosâ— went downe from the Mount unto the people vers 16 in the morning there were thunders anâ— lightnings and a thick clowde upon the mount and the voice of the trumpet exceeding lowd so that all the people that were in the campe trembled Yea they so trembled and were so afraid when they saw the thunderings c. 20.18 and the lightâ— nings and the noise of the trumpet and the mountaine smoaking that they removed and stood a farre off vers 19 and said unto Moses Speake thou with us and wee will heare but let not God speake with us lest wee die This was the first sound of a trumpet that ever was heard and I find that this was a cause of trembling Againe I reade that the trumpet was ordained for the sounding an all arme Num. 10.5 and that o that is it which now sound 's in our eares Nothing but a point of warre nothing but newes of firâ— and fword is heard among us The â—…umpets the trumpets oh they sound they â—…nd a shrill and horrid dinne a fearfull â—…se they make in our eares and our newâ—…ced cities and our new-fortified townes â—…e encompassed as once Iericho was when â—…e trumpets of rams-hornes were blowne by â—…e priests and the people showted Ios 6 8. vers 16 Surely that â—…ay is come upon us which the Lord threatâ—…ed Ierusalem with by the mouth of his Proâ—…het for the mighty man cryeth bitterly Zeph. 1 14. vers 15 the â—…y of wrath is come upon us the day of trouble â—…d distresse the day of wastnesse and desolaâ—…on the day of darknesse and gloominesse the â—ay of cloudes and thick darknesse vers 16 the day of the â—rumpet and all-arme against the fenced cities â—nd against the high towers vers 17 Distresse is come â—pon us that we walke like blind men because we have sinned against the Lord and our blood is â—owred out as dust and our flesh is as the dung Oh that is fallen upon us which was threatâ—…ed to Egypt Our land is watered with blood Eze 32 6. wherein wee doe swimme even to the mounâ—aines and
our God through our Lord Iesus Christ for hee is our peace who hath made both one and hath broken downe the middle wall of partition betweene us The peace of thee our God Phil 4.7 which passeth all understanding keepe all our hearts and minds through Iesus Christ our onely Lord and Saviour Amen The Third prayer wherein the Lord is humbly implored that our Bloody battells may be turned into a Spirituall war-fare O Eternall blessed Redeemer Mat 10 34. vers 35 thou who camest not to send peaâ—… on earth but the sword and to sets man at variance against his father and the daughter against her mother and the daughter in law against her mother in law and to cause that a man's foes should be those of his owne house-hold vers 36 behold in mercy I most humbly beseech thee this Sick and woundâ—… land wherein those words of my Redeeme according to the letter are most stricktly made good O my God my onely stay and comfort my onely refuge tower of defence be pleased I beseech thee to turne the letter into the spirit that what is verified in the first senst may be made true onely in the last Wheâ— Knowledg and Life grew upon Trees Innocen Adam was neither dull of apprehension Cen 2.9 noâ— fearfull of death But since his Fall wee find to our griefes that wee neither understand thy word of truth so fully as wee should nor art wee freed from the howerly feares of death destruction But for as much as thou o my God hast beene a teacher of peace and righteousnesse unto thy people and that the◠〈◊〉 Civill and bloody Warrs are noe other then 〈◊〉 judgment sent from thee upon the heads of 〈◊〉 for our crimson iniquities doe thou teach is all I humbly pray thee that wee ought not to warre after the flesh 2. Cor. 10.3 though wee walke 〈◊〉 the flesh Thine Apostle tell 's us that the weopons of our war fare ought not to be carnall vers 4. â—ut spirituall mighty through thee to the pulling downe of strong holds vers 5. casting downe imaginaâ—ions and every high thing that exalteth it selfe against the knowledg of thee our God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ O Lord our God doe thou make us all as strangers and pilgrimes 1. Pet. 2.11 to obstaine from â—leshly lusts which warre against the soule that â—hus wee may warre a good war-fare 1. Tim. 1.18 c. 6.12 To this purpose teach us I pray thee to fight the good fight of faith and that wee may be the better fitted for it Eph. 6.11 make us to put on the whole armour of thee our God that wee may â—he able to stand against the wyles of the devill vers 14 vers 15 Doe thou enable us to stand having our loynes girt about with truth and having on the breast-plate of righteousnesse and our feete shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace Above all things make us take the shield of faith vers 16 where-with wee shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked vers 17 Rom. 13.12 2. Corâ— 6.7 and the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit which is the word of thee our God Arme us o father with the armour of light and with the armour of righteousnesse on the right hâ—… and on the left 2. Tim 2.3 and then shall wee leaâ—… endure hardnesse as good souldiâ—rs of Iesus Châ—… Make our Captaines such as was the righâ—… teous Centurion in the gospel Mat. 8.9 Act 10 1. vers 2. or like dâ—vout Cornelius a centurion of the Italiâ—…band even devout men fearing thee our Geâ— with all their house holds giving much almeâ—… the people and praying to thee allways Teaâ—… our inferiour souldiers to know that it is theâ— duety to doe violence to noe man Luc 3.14 neither 〈◊〉 accuse any falsly and to be contented with thâ— wages Rom. 13.12 Let them know and consider that 〈◊〉 night is farr spent and the day is at hand makâ— them therfore to cast off the works of darknessâ— and to put on the armour of light vers 13 Cause thoâ— us all to walke honestly as in the day not rioting and drunkennesse not in chambering as wantonnesse vers 14 not in strife and envying 〈◊〉 putting on thee our Lord Iesus Christ as making noe provision for the flesh to fulfill 〈◊〉 lusts thereof 2. Tim. 4.7 So shall wee fight a good fighâ— and finish our courses and keepe the faith assuring our selves with thine holy Apostle that henceforth is layd up for us a crowâ— of righteousnesse which thou Lord the righteoâ—… judg shalt give us at that day vers 8. and not 〈◊〉 us onely but unto all them all so which lovâ— thine appearing Heb 13 20. Now thou God of peacâ— who broughest againe from the dead our Lorâ— Iesus Christ that greate sheep-heard of the sheepe through the blood of the everlasting covenant vers 2â— Make us perfect in every good worke to doe thy will working in us that which is well pleasing in thy sight through â—esus Christ to whom be glory for ever and ever Amen FINIS
and rent my heart and amend my life Ioël 2.13 and faithfully rely upon the passion of my Redeemer I may then assure my selfe that hee will correct mee with judgment Ier 10 24. and not in his anger I know that dye I must but in him I earnestly desire to dye When I was in health I thought not of mortalitie and therfore now I am in sicknesse I can skarce so much as hope for immortalitie But I will beseech him to spare mee a litle that I may repent Ps 39.13 before I goe hence and be noe more seene I faine would live not that I might adde to my sinnes but that I might be sorrie for my sinnes I would faine continue here a litle longer that so I might make my peace the surer Long I have continued in wickednesse ô my God spare mee a litle time to spend in contrition If I may enjoy my life but for a litle longer space I will resolve by the grace of my God to dedicate it wholly to the service of him and that I may in some measure make up my repentance before my departure I will beseech him if it may stand with his immutable decree to lend mee a litle more time wherein by his grace I may labour my reconciliation with him My time of death indeede seemeth to draw nigh and yet I doe not consider or at least I have not considered that all this time which I have lived I have beene truely dead Surely thus I have beene for so saith King Solomon Prov. 21.16 The man that wandereth out of the way of understanding shall remaine in the congregation of the dead Thus have I beene dead even in trespasses and sinnes justly therfore now my life doeth hasten away Eph 2.1 and my death approacheth I am now layed upon my bed of sorrow Not as the un-chast Amnon was 2. Sam. 13.5 who lingered after an un-cleane enjoying of his sister Tamar onely counterfeiting a sicknesse Nor like the coveteous Ahab 1. King 21.4 who vexed himselfe because Naboth had denyed to sell him his vine-yard 2. Sam. 4.7 Nor like Ishbosheth ready to be slaine by a Rechab and a Baanah unlesse my sinnes and my sicknesse the effect of my sinnes be that Rechab and that Baanah But languishing I lye allmost despairing of recoverie by reason of the weakenesse of my neere consumed body and spirits through the sharpnesse of my disease Is 14.11 My pompe is even brought downe to the grave and the noise of my violls the worme is spread under mee and the wormes are ready to cover mee But let mee say with holy Iob Iob 10 20. Are not my dayes few Cease then ô my God and let mee alone that I may take comfort a litle vers 21 Before I goe whence I shall not returne even to the land of darknesse and the shadow of death A land of darknesse vers 22 as darknesse it selfe and the shadow of death without any order and where the light is as darknesse There is noe worke nor device Eccl. 9.10 Ps 6.5 knowledg nor wisedome in the grave whither I am goeing In death there is noe remembrance of thee ô my God in the grave who shall give thee thank 's Ps 115.17 Is 38.18 The dead praise not thee ô Lord neither any that goe downeinto silence The grave cannot praise thee death cannot celebrate thee they that goe downe into the pit cannot hope for thy trueth vers 19 The living onely the living hee shall praise thee the father to the children shall make knowne thy trueth Thou thy selfe hast professed that thou art not a God of the dead Matt 22.32 Ps 88.10 vers 11 but of the living wilt thou then shew wonders to the dead Shall the dead arise and praife thee Shall thy loving kindnesse be declared in the grave Or thy faithfullnesse in destruction vers 12 Shall thy wonders be knowne in the darke And thy righteousnesse in the land of forgetfullnesse Consider then Ps 13.3 Ps 69.15 and heare mee ô Lord my God lighten mine eyes that I sleepe not in death Let not the water-flood over-flow mee neither let the deepe swallow mee up and let not the pit shut her mouth upon mee Heare mee ô Lord vers 16 for thy loving kindnesse is good turne unto mee according to the multitude of thy tender mercies 1. Sam 2.6 Thou art hee who doest both kill and make alive who bringest downe to the grave 2. King 4.20 bringest up againe When the Shunamite's child had sate on his mother's knees untill noone vers 21 it then departed but shee went up and layed him on the bed of the man of God vers 32 and shut the doore upon him and went out And when Elisha was come into the house behold the child was dead and laid upon his bed vers 33 hee went in therfore and shut the doore upon them twaine and prayed unto thee my greate and powerfull God vers 35 And the child neezed seaven times and the child opened his eyes Mat 9.18 When the ruler of the Synagogue worshipped my Saviour and sayd My daughter is even now dead but come and lay thine hand upon her and shee shall live vers 25 Then hee went in and tooke her by the hand and the mayd arose O my God to thee I submit my selfe doe with mee as thou pleasest In thy power it is to spare mee for a while It will not be harder for thee to restore mee to health then it was to restore the dead unto life Faine I would live longer that I may repent more Lord if it be thy pleasure adde yet some more dayes unto my life restore mee to health and make mee praise thee for thy mercies Longer I would not live unlesse thou shalt be pleased with my life to renew mine obedience and yet dye I would not unlesse thou shalt first be pleased to give mee a sense of my sinnes and a sorrow upon that sense and a comfortable and contenting joy upon that sorrow Thou art the potter and I am the clay allready thou hast made mee and it is now in thy power either to breake mee into sheards or to preserve mee whole I who have cryed so much in the extreamitie of mine anguish doe now beseech thee with my teares to spare mee Mat. 8.8 O speake the word onely and thy servant shall be healed But yet howsoëver I submit to thine owne good pleasure Lord if it may be thy will let the skill of my Phisitians and the power of my medicines and whatsoëver shall be administred unto mee take a blessing from thee if thou shalt restore mee againe to thee and to thy service will I devote my life My time shall be thine my dayes thine my thoughts my words and mine actions thine So shall thy mercy be magnified and thy praise I will be for ever singing and will
set it forth from day to day Ps 96.2 part 2 The Second part of the Soliloquie wherein is set forth the certaintie of Death A Braham is dead the Prophets are dead and my Saviour Christ sayd Io 8.52 If a man keepe my sayings hee shall never tast of death At this the Iewes were very much stumbled and mee think 's they had some collour for their contention about it For if Abraham were dead Rom. 4 11. Iam 2.23 Gen 22 18. Lu 1.70 who was the father of the faithfull who was the friend of God hee in whose seede all the nations of the earth were promised a blessing because hee obeyed the voyce of the Lord And if the Prophets were allso dead those holy Prophets which have beene since the world began and by whom the Lord did reveale his pleasure unto the people If all these were dead well might the Iewes wonder when our Saviour said If a man keepe my saying hee shall never tast of death Well indeede they might wonder for ignorance is the cause of all our merveiles Did wee but know a certaine reason for every event wee should never wonder at that which happeneth but wee should magnifie the first greatest cause which is God The Iewes wondered because they were ignorant and supposed that our Saviour had spoken of a temporall death whereas hee meant that which is eternall True it is that the temporall death is an effect and fruit of the first sinne but eternall death is the punishment of impenitencie and infidelitie for those who both can and truely doe repent neither can nor shall be lyable to an eternall death Nay dye they cannot in any kind for this which wee call a death shall be to them but a deliverance and that death which is a perpetuall living death in the land of darknesse they shall be certainly freed from by the blood of the Sonne of God Yet this passage this sweete change in the godly and allso this gate which openeth to the ungodly the way to eternall woe the Scripture doeth commonly tearme a death this death cannot possibly be avoyded by the children of Adam Heb. 9.27 for it is appointed unto men once to dye 'T is true 't is true indeede I am ready to find it verefied in my selfe for the harbingers of this death have taken up my body where it intendeth to lodg The weakenesse of my limbs and the faintnesse of my spirits and the shortnesse of my breath and the lownesse of my voyce and the palenesse of my cheekes and the hollownesse of mine eyes all these doe but assure mee of the approaches of this death But is there noe resistance Is there noe reversing of the decree Noe repealing of the statute Alas noe none at all This body which hath beene pampered with the delicacie of meates must now be slaughtered and make a feast for the wormes These bones which have layen upon the beds of ease must become as tables for the loathsome vermine And this skinne this prowde skinne which hath stollen so much time to imploy in the suppling and colouring and smoothing and covering of it must serve like a cloath spread on these tables whereon must be presented this collation for the wormes Short is my life fleeting are my dayes and my winged minuits fly with such speede that I caâ— hardly count them so fast as they consume Wheâ— I enjoyed the most sound and beloved health even then the shortnesse of my life was discovered in my breath for I was intrusted onely with a litle ayer which neither was in my power long to keepe nor long without it could I possiblie continue I was so false in my promises which I made unto my God that hee would not trust mee long with the keepng but of a litle of that element I have allways lâ—ved at the brinke of death and yet never seriously enough thought of that which now is ready to approach I never thought indeede of the hower of my death by a due preparation to entertaine it when it should come Nay I fondly imagined that it must of necessitie keepe the roade of diseases sicknesse whereas it might have hastened by wayes un-expected When I was healthfull I grew so proude that I imagined certainly it either could not or durst not assayle my body and yet when I was afflicted with the smallest paine then againe I was so cowardly dejected that I was afraid it hastened by each part and member When I smarted I was taken off from my pride but the cure of that sinne was an immoderate and a slavish feare But now I am well assured that neither strength nor youth nor beauty nor physick nor any thing else can secure our bodies from returning to the earth True it is that the dead know not any thing Eccl 6.5 neither have they any more a reward for the memorie of them is forgotten but the living know that they shall dye c 8.8 There is noe man that hath power over the spirit to reteine the spirit neither hath hee power in the day of death Wherfore then have 〈◊〉 so long lived in ignorance or forgetfullnesse of mine end If I had remembred it I would have fitted and prepared mine accounts against the time it should come If I had knowne it I would have laboured to have made the judge my friend But ô I forgot it for I increased my sinnes and thought not of the debt I was ignorant too and knew not the terribloesse of the Iudg. Now mee think's these cold and clammie sweats doe chiefely arise from my chiding conscience and from the convulsions which there I suffer through the guilt of my sinnes I never was so carelesse or ignorant of death as I now am certaine of it yet afraid to dye Eccl 12.7 Iob. 30.23 Now I am sensible that my dust shall returne to the earth as it was I know that the Lord will bring mee to death to the house appointed for all the living Die say I Yes But must I dye Yes But when That I know not many dayes or howers I cannot expect to live who am allready pined into the leanenesse of an Anatomie But where must I dye That I know not neither even in this bed it is most likely where I now lye languishing in the torments of my disease But how or by what meanes must I dye Nor can I tell that allthough this sicknesse seemeth to be dispatched hither for this very purpose But if it be so sure that dye I must is it likewise as sure to what place I shall goe O this question is the common troubler of the dying There are but two havens where soules can arrive the one is the holy land the new Ierusalem the haven of eternall happinesse the other is a land too but it is a land of darknesse a land of smoakes and stinkes a place of eternall horrour To the former the godly are wafted by a convoy of