vpon a Lady Eue and died vpon a Lady Eue her Natiuitie death being memorable by this wonder the first and last yeares of her Raigne by this that a Lee was Lords Maior when she came to the Crowne and a Lee Lorde Maior when she departed from it Thrée places are made famous by her for thrée things Greenewich for her birth Richmount for her death White-Hall for her Funerall vpon her remouing from whence to lend our tiring prose a breathing time stay and looke vpon these Epigrams being composed 1. Vpon the Queenes last Remoue being dead THe Queene 's remou'de in solemne sort Yet this was strange and seldome seene The Queene vsde to remoue the Court But now the Court remou'de the Queene 2. Vpon her bringing by water to White Hall THe Queene was brought by water to White Hall At euery stroake the Oares â—eares let fall More clung about the Barge Fish vnder water Wept out their eyes of pearle and swom blind after I thinke the Barge-men might with easier thyes Haue rowde her thither in her peoples eyes For howsoe're thus much my thoughts haue skand S'had come by water had she come by land 3. Vpon her lying dead at White Hall THe Queene lyes now at White Hall dead And now at White Hall liuing To make this rough obiection euen Dead at White Hall at Westminster But liuing at White Hall in Heauen Thus you sée that both in her life and her death shée was appointed to bee the mirror of her time And surely if since the first stone that was layd for the foundation of this great house of the world there was euer a yeare ordained to be wondred at it is only this the Sibils Octogesimus Octauus Annus That same terrible 88. which came sayling hither in the Spanish Armado and made mens hearts colder then the frozen Zone when they heard but an inckling of it That 88. by whose horrible predictions Almanack-makers stood in bodily feare their trade would bée vtterly ouerthrowne and poore Erra Pater was threatned because he was a Iew to be put to â—aser offices than the stopping of mustardâ—pots That same 88. which had more prophecies waiting at his héeles thaÌ„ euer Merlin the Magitian had in his head was a yeare oâ— Iubile to this Platoes Mirabilis Annuâ— whether it be past alreadie or to come within these foure yeares may throwe Platoes cap at Mirabilis for that title of wonderfull is bestowed vpon 1603. If that sacred Aromatically persumed fire of wit out of whose flames Phoenix poesie doth arise were burning in any brest I would féede it with no other stuffe for a twelue-moneth and a day than with kindling papers full of lines that should tell only of the chances changes and strange shapes that this Protean Climactericall yeare hath metamorphosed himselfe into It is able to finde ten Chroniclers a competent liuing and to set twentie Printers at worke You shall perceiue I lye not if with Peter Bales you will take the paines to drawe the whole volume of it into the compasse of a pennie As first to begin with the Quéenes death then the Kingdomes falling into an Ague vpon that Next followes the curing of that feauer by the holesome receipt of a proclaymed King That wonder begat more for in an houre two mightie Nations were made one wilde Ireland became tame on the sudden and some English great ones that before séemed tame on the sudden turned wilde The same Parke which great Iulius Caesar inclosed to hold in that Déere whome they before hunted being now circled by a second Caesar with stronger pales to kéepe them from leaping ouer And last of all if that wonder be the last and shut vp the yeare a most dreadfull plague This is the abstract and yet like Stowes Chronicle of Decimo sexto to huge Hollinshead these small pricks in this Set-card of ours represent mightie Countreys whilst I haue the quill in my hand let me blow them bigger The Quéene being honoured with a Diademe of Starres France Spaine and Belgâ—a lift vp their heads preparing to do as much for England by giuing ayme whilst she shot arrowes at her owne brest as they imagined as she had done many a yeare together for them and her owne Nation betted on their sides looking with distracted countenance for no better guests than Ciuill Sedition Uprores Rapes Murders and Massacres But the whéele of Fate turned a better Lottery was drawne Pro Troia stabat Apolâ—o God stuck valiantlie to vs. For behold vp rises a comfortable Sun out of the North whose glorious beames like a fan dispersed all thick and contagious clowdes The losse of a Quéene was paid with the double interest of a King and Quéene The Cedar of her gouernment which stood alone and bare no fruit is changed now to an Oliue vpon whose spreading branches grow both Kings and Quéenes Oh it were able to still a hundred paire of writing tables with notes but to sée the parts plaid in the compasse of one houre on the stage of this new-found world Upon Thursday it was treason to cry God saue king Iames king of England and vppon Friday hyâ— treason not to cry so In the morning no voice heard but murmures and lamentation at noone nothing but shoutes of gladnes triumpe S. George and S. Andrew that many hundred yeares had deâ—â—â—d one another were now sworne brothers England and Scotland being parted only with a narrow Riuer and the people of both Empires speaking a language lesse differing than english within it selfe as the prouidence had enacted that one day those two Nations should marry one another are now made sure together and king Iames his Coronation is the solemne wedding day Happiest of all thy Ancestors thou mirror of all Princes that euer were or are that at seauen of the clock wert a king but ouer a péece of a little Iland and before eleuen the greatest Monarch in Christendome Now Siluer Crowds Of blisfull Angels and tryed Marytrs tread On the Star-â—eeling ouer Englands head Now heauen broke into a wonder and brought forth Our omne bonum from the holesome North Our fruitfull souereigne Iamns at whose dread name Rebellion swounded and ere since became Groueling and nerue-lesse wanting bloâ—d to nourish For Ruine gnawes her selfe when kingdomes flourish Nor are our hopes planted in regall springs Neuer to wither for our aire breedes kings And in all ages from this soueraigne time England shall still be calde the royall clime Most blisfull Monarch of all earthen powers Seru'd with a messe of kingdomes foure such bowers For prosperous hiues and rare industrious swarmes The world containes not in her solid armes O thou that art the Meeter of our dayes Poets Apollo deale thy Daphnean bayes To those whose wits are bay-trees euer greene Vpon whose hye tops Poesie chirps vnseene Such are most fit t'apparell Kings in rimes Whose siluer numbers are the Muses chimes Whose spritely caracters being once wrought on Out-liue the
shew tricks like Bancks his Curtall O you Bookes-sellers that are Factors to the Liberall Sciences ouer whose Stalles these Drones do dayly flye humming let Homer Hesiod Euripidâ—s and some other mad Greekes with a band of the Latines lye like musket-shot in their way when these Gothes and Getes set vpon you in your paper fortifications it is the only Canon vpon whose mouth they dare not venture none but the English will take their parts therefore feare them not for such a strong breath haue thesee chese-eaters that if they do but blowvpon a booke they imagine straight t is blasted Quod supra nos Nihil ad nos they say that which is aboue our capacitie shall not passe vnder our commendation Yet would I haue these Zoilists of all other to reade me if euer I should write any thing worthily for the blame that knowne-fooles heape vpon a deseruing labour does not discredit the same but makes wise men more perfectly in loue with it Into such a ones hands therefore if I fortune to fall I will not shrinke an inch but euen when his teeth are sharpest and most ready to bite I will stop his mouth only with this Haec mala sunt sed tu non meliora facis Reader WHereas there stands in the Rere-ward of this Booke a certaine mingled Troope of straunge Discourses fashioned into Tales Know that the intelligence which first brought them to light was onely slying Report whose tongue as it often does if in spreading them it haue tript in any materiall point and either slipt too farre or falne too short beare with the error and the rather because it is not wilfully committed Neither let any one whom those Reports shall seeme to touch cauill or complaine of iniury sithence nothing is set downe by a malitious hand Farewell THE VVONDERfull yeare VErtumnus being attired in his accustomed habit of changeable silke had newly passed through the first and principall Court-gate of heauen to whom for a farewell and to shewe how dutifull he was in his office Ianus that beares two faces vnder one hood made a very mannerly lowe legge and because he was the onely Porter at that gate presented vnto this King of the Moneths all the New-yeares gifts which were more in number and more worth then those that are giuen to the great Turke or the Emperour of Persia on went Vertumnus in his lustie progresse Priapus Flora the Dryades and Haâ—â—adryades with all the woodden rabble of those that drest Orchards Gardens perfuming all the wayes that he went with the swéete Odours that breathed from flowers hearbes and trées which now began to péepe out of prison by vertue of which excellent aires the skie got a most cleare completion lookte sâ—â—g and smoothe and had not so much as a wart stâ—â—king on her face the Sunne likewise was freshly and very richly apparelled in cloth of gold like a Bridegroome and in stead of gilded Rosemary the hornes of the Ramme being the signe of that celestiall bride house where he lay to be marryed to the Spring were not like your common hornes parcell gilt but double double-gilt with the liquid gold that melted from his beames for ioy wereof the Larke sung at his windowe euery morning the Nightingale euery nighte the Cuckooe like a single sole Fidler that réeles from Tauerne to Tauerne plide it all the day long Lambes friskte vp and downe in the vallies Kids and Goates leapt too and fro on the Mountaines Shepheards sat piping country wenches singing Louers made Sonnets for their Lasses whilest they made Garlands for their Louers And as the Country was frolike so was the Citie mery Oliue Trées which grow no where but in the Garden of peace stood as common as Béech does at Midsomer at euery mans doore braunches of Palme were in euery mans hand Stréetes were full of people people full of ioy euery house séemde to haue a Lorde of misrule in it in euery house there was so much â—ollity no Scritch-Owle frighted the silly Countryman at midnight nor any Drum the Citizen at noone-day but all was more calme than a still water all husht as if the Spheres had bene playing in Consort In conclusion heauen lookt like a Pallace and the great hall of the earth like a Paradice But O the short liu'de Felicitie of man O world of what slight and thin stuffe is thy happinesse Iust in the midst of this iocund Holy-day a storme rises in the West Westward from the toppe of a Ritch-mount descended a hidious tempest that shooke Cedars terrified the tallest Pines and cleft in sunder euen the hardest hearts of Oake And if such great trées were shaken what thinke you became of the tender Eglantine and humble Hawthorne they could not doubtlesse but droope they could not choose but die with the terror The Element taking the Destinies part who indéed set abroach this mischiefe scowled on the earth and filling her hie forehead full of blacke wrinckles tumbling long vp and downe like a great bellyed wife her sighes being whirlewindes and her grones thunder at length she fell in labour and was deliuered of a pale meagry weake child named Sicknesse whom Death with a pestilence would néedes take vpon him to nurse and did so This starueling being come to his full growth had an office giuen him for nothing and that 's a wonder in this age Death made him his Herauld attirde him like a Courtier and in his name chargde him to goe into the Priuie Chamber of the English Quéene to sommon her to appeare in the Star-chamber of heauen The sommons made her start but hauing an inuincible spirit did not amaze her yet whom would not the certaine newes of parting from a Kingâ—ome amaze But she knewe where to finde a richer and therefore lightlie regarded the losse of this and thereupon made readie for that heauenlie Coronation being which was most strange most dutifull to obay that had so many yeares so powrefully commaunded She obayed Deaths messenger and yéelded her body to the hands of death himselfe She dyed resâ—gning her Scepter to posteritie and her Soule to immortalitie To report of her death like a thunder-clap was able to kill thousands it tooke away hearts from millions for hauing brought vp euen vnder her wing a nation that was almost begotten and borne vnder her that neuer shouted any other Aue than for her name neuer sawe the face of any Prince but her selfe neuer vnderstoode what that strange out-landish word Change signified how was it possible but that her sicknes should throw abroad an vniuersall feare and her death an astonishment She was the Courtiers treasure therefore he had cause to mourne the Lawyers sword of iustice he might well faint the Merchants patronesse he had reason to looke pale the Citizens mother he might best lament the Sepheards Goddesse and should not he droope Onely the Souldier who had walkt a long time vpon wodden legs and was not able
to giue Armes though he were a Gentleman had brisseld vp the quills of his stiffe Porcupine mustachio and swore by no beggers that now was the houre come for him to beâ—â—irre his stumps Usurers and Brokers that are the Diuels Ingles and dwell in the long-lane of hell quakâ— like aspen leaues at his oathes those that before were the onely cut-throates in London now stoode in feare of no other death but my Signior Soldado was deceiued the Tragedie went not forward Neuer did the English Nation behold so much black worne as there was at her Funerall It was then but put on to try if it were â—it for the great day of mourning was set downe in the booke of heauen to be held afterwards that was but the dumb shew the Tragicall Act hath bene playing â—uer since Her Herse as it wasâ—borne sâ—emed to be an Iland swimming in water for round about it there rayned showers of teares about her death-bed none for her departure was so sudden and so strange that men knew not how to wéepe because they had neuer bin taught to shed teares of that making They that durst not speake their sorrowes whisperd them they that durst not whisper sent them foorth in sighes Oh what an Earth-quake is the alteration of a State Looke from the Chamber of Presence to the Farmers cottage and you shall finde nothing but distraction the whole Kingdome sâ—emes a wildernes and the people in it are transformed to wild men The May of a Countrey so pitifullie distracted by the horor of a change if you desire perfectlie to behold cast your eyes then on this that followes which being heretofore in priuate presented to the King I thinke may very worthily shew it selfe before you And because you shall sée them attirde in the same fashion that they wore before his Maiesity let these fewe lines which stood then as Prologue to the rest enter first into your eares NOt for applauses shallow fooles aduenture I plunge my verse into a sea of censure But with a liuer drest in gall to see So many Rookes catch-polls of poesy That feede vpon the fallings of hye wit And put on cast inuentions most vnfit For such am I prest forth in shops and stalls Pasted in Powles and on the Lawyers walls For euery basilisk-eyde Criticks bait To kill my verse or poison my conceit Or some smoakt gallant who at wit repines To dry Tabacco with my holesome lines And in one paper sacrifice more braine Than all his ignorant scull could ere containe But merit dreads no martyrdome nor stroke My lines shall liue when he shall be all smoke Thus farre the Prologne who leauing the Stage cléerâ— the feares that are bred in thâ— wombe of this alâ—ring kingdome do next step vp acting thus THe great impostume of the realme was drawâ—e Euen to a head the multitudinoâ—s spawne Was the corruption which did make it swell With hop'd sedition the burnt seed of hell Who did expect but ruine blood and death To share our kingdome and diuide our breath Religions without religion To let each other blood confusion To be next Queene of England and this yeere The ciuill warres of France to be plaid heere By English-men ruffians and pandering slaues That faine would dig vp gowtie vsurers graues At such a time villaines their hopes do honey And rich men looke as pale as their white money Now they remoue and make their siluer sweate Casting themselues into a couetous heate And then vnseene in the confederate darke Bury their gold without or Priest or Clarke And say no prayers ouer that dead pelfe True Gold 's no Christian but an Indian elfe Did not the very kingdome seeme to shake Her precious massie limbes did she not make All English cities like her pulses beate With people in their veines the feare so great That had it not bene phisickt with rare peace Our populous power had lessend her increase The Spring-time that was dry had sprung in blood A greater dearth of men than e're of foode In such a panting time and gasping yeare Victuals are cheapest only men are deare Now each wise-acred Landlord did dispaire Fearing some villaine should become his heire Or that his sonne and heire before his time Should now turne villaine and with violence clime Vp to his life saying father you haue seene King Heâ—ry Edward Mary and the Queene I wonder you 'le liue longer then he tells him Hee s loth to see him kild therfore he kills him And each vast Landlord dyes lyke a poore slaue Their thousand acres makes them but a graue At such a time great men conuey their treasure Into the trusty Citie wayts the leisure Of bloud and insurrection which warre clips When euery gate shutts vp her Iron lips Imagine now a mighty man of dust Standeth in doubt what seruant he may trust With Plate worth thousands Iewels worth farre more If he proue false then his rich Lord proues poore He calls forth one by one to note their graces Whilst they make legs he copies out their faces Examines their eye-browe consters their beard Singles their Nose out still he rests afeard The first that comes by no meanes hee le alow Has spyed three Hares starting betweene his brow Quite turnes the word names it Celeritie For Hares do run away and so may he A second shewne him he will scarce behold His beard 's too red the colour of his gold A third may please him but t is hard to say A rich man 's pleasde when his goods part away And now do cherrup by fine golden nests Of well hatcht bowles such as do breed in feasts For warre and death cupboords of plate downe pulls Then Bacchus drinkes not in gilt-bowles but sculls Let me descend and stoope my verse a while To make the Comicke cheeke of Poesie smile Ranck peny-fathers scud with their halfe hammes Shadowing their calues to saue their siluer dammes At euery gun they start tilt from the ground One drum can make a thousand Vsurers sound In vnsought Allies and vnholesome places Back-wayes and by-lanes where appeare fewe faces In shamble-smelling roomes loathsome prospects And penny-lattice-windowes which reiects All popularitie there the rich Cubs lurke When in great houses ruffians are at worke Not dreaming that such glorious booties lye Vnder those nasty roofes such they passe by Without a search crying there 's nought for vs And wealthie men deceiue poore villaines thus Tongue-trauelling Lawyers faint at such a day Lye speechlesse for they haue no words to say Phisitions turne to patients their Arts dry For then our fat men without Phisick die And to conclude against all Art and good Warre taints the Doctor le ts the Surgion blood Such was the fashion of this Land when the great Land-Lady thereof left it Shée came in with the fall of the leafe and went away in the Spring her life which was dedicated to Uirginitie both beginning closing vp a miraculous Mayden circle for she was borne
vpon sight onely of a Letter sent from London haue started backe and durst haue layd their saluation vpon it that the plague might be folded in that empty paper belieuing verily that the arme of Omnipotence could neuer reach them vnlesse it were with some weapon drawne out of the infected Citie in so much that euen the Westerne Pugs receiuing money there haue tyed it in a bag at the end of their barge and so trailed it through the Thaâ—â—es least plague-sores sticking vpon shillings they should be naild vp for counterfeits when they were brought home More ventrous than these block-heads was a certaine Iustice of peace to whose gate being shut for you must know that now there is no open house kept a company of wilde fellowes being lead for robbing an Orchyard the stoutâ—hearted Constable rapt most couragiously and would haue about with none but the Iustice himselfe who at last appeard in his likenesse aboue at a window inquiring why they summond a parlée It was deliuered why the case was opened to his examining wisedome and that the euill doers were onely Londoners at the name of Londoners the Iustice clapping his hand on his brest as who should say Lord haue mercie vpon vs started backe and being wise enough to saue one held his nose hard betwéene his fore-finger and his thumbe and speaking in that wise like the fellow that described the villainous motion of Iulius Caesar and the Duke of Guize who as he gaue it out fought a combat together pulling the casement close to him cryed out in that quaile-pipe voice that if they were Londoners away with them to Limbo take onely their names they were sore fellowes and he would deale with them when time should serue meaning when the plague and they should not be so great together and so they departed the very name of Londoners being worse then ten whetstones to sharpen the sword of Iustice against them I could fill a large volume and call it the second part of the hundred mery tales onely with such ridiculous stuffe as this of the Iustice but Dij meliora I haue better matters to set my wits about neither shall you wring out of my pen though you lay it on the rack the villanies of that damnd Kéeper who kild all she kéept it had bene good to haue made her kéeper of the common Iayle and the holes of both Counters for a number lye there that wish to be rid out of this motley world shée would haue tickled them and turned them ouer the thumbs I will likewise let the Church-warden in Thames stréete sléepe for hée s now pasi waking who being requested by one of his neighbors to suffer his wife or child that was then dead to lye in the Church-yard answered in a mocking sort he kéept that lodging for himselfe and his houshold and within thrée dayes after was driuen to hide his head in a hole himselfe Neither will I speake a word of a poore boy seruant to a Chandler â—welling thereabouts who being struck to the heart by sicknes was first caryed away by water to be left any where but landing being denyed by an army of browne billâ—men that kept the shore back againe was he brought and left in an out-celler where lying groueling and groning on his face amongst fagots but not one of them set on fire to comfort him there continued all night and dyed miserably for want of succor Nor of another poore wretch in the Parish of Saint Mary Oueryes who being in the morning throwne as the fashion is into a graue vpon a heape of carcases that kayd for their complement was found in the afternoone gasping and gaping for life but by these tricks imagining that many a thousand haue bene turned wrongfully off the ladder of life and praying that Derick or his executors may liue to do those a good turne that haue done so to others Hic finis Priami héere 's an end of an old Song Et iam tempus Equûm fumantia soluere colla FINIS Vertumnus God of the yeare Description of the Spring Vpon the 23. of March the Spring begins by reason of the Sunnes entrance into Aries The Queenes â—icknes Her death The generaâ—â— terror that her death bred 1603. A more wonderfull yeare than 88. King Iames proclaimed The ioyes that followed vpon his proclayming The Plâ—guâ— Anthropophagi are Scithiaâ—s that feed on mens flesh