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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A34159 The Complaisant companion, or, New jests, witty reparties, bulls, rhodomontado's, and pleasant novels 1674 (1674) Wing C5627; ESTC R20756 109,488 244

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King James his time was ordered to preach at St. Maries before the Vice-Chancellour and the Heads of the University who formerly had observed the drowsiness of the Vice-Chancellour and thereupon took this place of Scripture for his text What Cannot ye watch one hour At every devision he concluded with his Text which by reason of the Vice-Chancellors sitting so near the Pulpit often awaked him this was so noted by the Wits that it was the talk of the whole University and withal it did so nettle the Vice-Chancellour that he complained to the Arch-Bishop of Canterbury who willing to redress him sent for this Scholar up to London to defend himself against the crime laid to his charge where coming he made so many proofs of his extraordinary wit that the Arch-Bishop enjoined him to preach before King James after some excuses he at length condescended and coming into the Pulpit begins James the first and the sixth Waver not not meaning the first King of England and the sixth of Scotland at first the King was somewhat amazed at the Text but in the end was so well pleased with his sermon that he made him one of his Chaplains in ordinary after this advancement the Arch-Bishop sent him down to Cambridge to make his Recantation to the Vice-Chancellor and to take leave of the University which he accordingly did and took the latter part of the Verse of the former Text Sleep on now and take your rest having an excellent Sermon he made his Apology to the Vice-Chancelour and concluded thus whereas I said before which gave offence What cannot you watch an hour I say now sleep on and take your rest and so left the University On a Doctor and a Nobleman A Learned and charitable Doctor having made for the benefit of the Country wherein he dwelt a large Causey whilst he was overseeing his work a Nobleman of his acquantance chanced to ride that way who seeing the Dr. saluted him kindly thinking to jeer him into the bargain Dr. quoth he for all your pains and expences I suppose this is not the High-way to Heaven I think replyed the Dr. you have hit the nail on the head for if it had I should have wondred to have met your Lordship here A visit to a sick person A Gentleman that was very faint-hearted fell sick whereupon his friend went to visit him and found him so shamefully afraid of death that he had not patience to stay with him for all his words were ah ah ha what shall I do have I no friend in the world that will dispatch me from this grief and pain reiterating it over and over hereupon his friend to try him drew his sword and clapping it to his breast said yes you have me your friend left who will instantly do you that kindness the Sick person startled hereat cryed out hold friend hold though I have a desire to be rid of my pains yet I have no such mind to be rid of my life On a Church called St. Bennets-sheerhog A Minister having preached in the Parish of St. Bennets Sheerhog above half a year and yet received nothing from the Church-wardens harkned out for another Benefice and quickly found one vacant now to the intent that he might not leave them abruptly he civily told them of his intention and that he would give them a Farewell Sermon though they had not deserved it from him Having reproved them severly for their enormities at the conclusion he speak something in relation to the Parish and Parishioners in words to this effect Beloved I understand that the name of this Parish is Bennets-Sheerhog and I presume very well it may for my part I haue shewed you above six months without reward and therefore may say Hogs I found you and Hogs I leave you but the Devil sheer you On an Essex man A plain Country fellow born in Essex comming to London which place he never saw before as he walkt the streets he espied a rope hanging at a Merchants door with a handle at it wondring what it should mean he takes it in his hand and played with it to and fro at length pulling it hard he heard a Bell ring it so hapned that the Merchant being near the door went himself and demanded what the fellow would have nothing Sir said he I did but play with this pretty thing which hangs at your door What Countryman are you said the Merchant An Essex man can't please you replyed the other I thought so quoth the Merchant for I have often heard say that if a man beat a bush in Essex there presently comes forth a Calf It may be so replyed the Country man but I Think that a man can no sooner ring a Bell in London but a Cuckold looks out presently Vpon a close-stool A Gentlewoman cheapning of a Cloostool and bidding too little for it the Trunk-maker to perswade her to give more desired her to look on the good ness of the Lock and Key as for that quoth the Gentlewoman I value not for I purpose to put nothing into it but what I Care not who steals out On Sore eyes A Gentleman having Sore eyes occasioned by ebriety was advised by his Physician to forbear drinking of wine but he said he neither could nor would forbear it maintaining it for the lesser evil to shut up the windows of his body then to suffer the house to fall down through want of reparation On a galloping Gallant A Gentleman riding three quarters speed towards Tame near Oxford askt one upon the road whethat was the way to Tame Yes Sir he replyed to tame your horse if he were as wild as the Devil On a Country Coxcomb A Country fellow was much troubled that he had not gone ten miles to have seen the Monkeys dance upon the ropes why said his Wife it is too far to go and come a foot in one day to see such bables O quoth he I could have gone thither with my Neighbour Hobson on foot like a fool as I was and I might have rid back upon my Neighbour Jobsons Mare like an Ass as I am Thus in the Preter tense a Fool he was And in the Present tense he is an Ass And in the Future Fool and Ass shall be That goes or rides so far such sights to see On one named Sampson SOme Gentlemen being in a Tavern as they were in the height of their jollity in came a freind of theirs whose name was Sampson a ha said one we may be now securely merry fearing neither Serjeant or Bailiff for if a thousand of such Philistins came here is Sampson who is able to braine them all to whom Sampson replyed Sir I may boldly venture against so many as you speak of provided you will lend me one of your Jaw bones On a wanton young Gallant A Gentleman seeing a very prety maid with her Valentine pin●d on her sleeve in tending to play the Wag with her askt if her Wastcoat was to be