I beseech you the time of your childs continuance in the womb was fixed to a minute by the Lord and when the parturient fulness of that time was come Were you not willing it should be delivered thence into the world The tender Mother would not have it abide one minute longer in the womb how well soever she loved it And is there not the same reason we should be willing when Gods appointed time is come to have it delivered by death out of this state which in respect of the life of Heaven is but as the life of a child in the womb to its life in the open world And let none say that the death of children is a premature death God hath waies to ripen them for Heaven whom he intends to gather thither betimes which we know not In respect of fitness they dye in a full age though they be cut off in the bud of their time He that appointed the seasons of the year appointed the seasons of our comfort in Relations and as those seasons cannot be altered no more can these All the course of providence is guided by an unalterable decree what falls out casually to our apprehension yet falls out necessarily in respect of Gods appointment O therefore be quieted in it this must needs be as it is 4. Consid. Hath God smitten your darling and taken away the delight of your eyes with his stroke Bear this stroke with patience and quiet submission for how know you but your trouble might have been greater from the life than it is now from the death of your children Sad experience made a holy man once to say It s better weep for ten dead children than for one living child a living child may prove a continual dropping yea a continual dying to the parents heart What a sad word was that of David to Abishai 2 Sam. 16. 11. Behold saith he my Son which came out of my bowels seeketh my life I remember Seneca in his consolatory Epistle to his friend Marullus brings in his friend thus aggravating the death of his child O saith Marullus Had my child lived with me to how great modesty gravity and prodence might my discipline have formed and moulded him But saith Seneca which is more to be feared he might have been as others mostly are for look saith he what children come even out of the worthiest families such who exercise both their own and others lusts in all whose life there is not a day without the mark of some notorious wickedness upon it I know your tender love to your children will scarce admit such jealousies of them they are for present sweet lovely innocent companions and you doubt not but by your care of their education and prayer for them they might have been the joy of your hearts Why doubtless Esan when he was little and in his tender age promised as much comfort to his parents as Jacob did and I question not but Isaac and Rebecca a gracious pair spent as many prayers and bestowed as many holy councels upon him as they did upon his brother But when the child grew up to riper years then he became a sharp affliction to his Parents for it s said in Gen. 26. 34. That when Esau was forty years old he took to wife Judith the daughter of Berith the Hittite which was a grief of mind to Isaac and Rebecca The word in the original comes from a root that signifies to imbitter This child imbittered the minds of his parents by his rebellion against them and despising their councells And I cannot doubt but Abraham disciplin'd his family as strictly as any of you never man received an higher encomium from God upon that account Gen. 18. 19. I know him that he will command his children and his houshold after him and they shall keep the way of the Lord. Nor can I think but he bestowed as many and as frequent prayers for his children and particularly for his Ishmael as any of you We find one and that a very pathetical one recorded Gen. 17. 18. O that Ishmael might live before thee and yet you know how he proved a son that yeilded him no more comfort than Esau did to Jacob and Rebeccah O how much more common is it for parents to see the vices and evils of their children than their vertues and graces And where one parent lives to rejoice in beholding the grace of God shining forth in the life of his child there are twenty it may be an hundred that live to behold to their vexation and grief the workings of corruption in them It is a note of Plutarch in his Morals Niocles saith he lived not to see the noble Victory obtained by Themistocles his Son Nor Miltiades to see the battle his Son Cimon wan in the field Nor Zantippus to hear his Son Pericles Preach and make Orations Ariston never heard his Son Plato's lectures and disputations But men saith he commonly live to see their children fall a Gaming Revelling Drinking and Whoring multitudes live to see such things to their sorrow And if thou be a gracious soul O what a cut would this be to thy very heart to see those as David spake of his Absolom that came out of thy bowels to be sinning against God that God whom thou lovest and whose honour is dearer to thee than thy very life But admit they should prove civil and hopeful children yet mightest thou not live to see more misery come upon them than thou couldst endure to see O think what a sad and doleful sight was that to Zedekiah Jer. 50. 10. The King of Babilon brought his children and slew them before his eyes Horrid spectacle and that leads to the 5. Consid. How know you but by this stroke which you so lament God hath taken them away from the evil to come It is Gods usual way when some extraordinary calamities are coming upon the world to hide some of his weak and tender ones out of the way by death Isa. 57. 1 2. He leaves some and removes others but taketh care for the security of all He provided a grave for Methuselah before the flood The grave is an hiding place to some and God sees it better for them to be under ground than above ground in such evil dayes Just as a careful and tender Father who hath a Son abroad at school hearing the Plague is broken out in or near the place sends his Horse presently to fetch home his Son before the danger and difficulty be greater Death is our Fathers pale Horse which he fends to fetch home his tender children and carry them out of harms way Surely when National calamities are drawing on it s far better for our friends to be in the grave in peace than exposed to the miseries and distresss that are here which is the meaning of Jer. 22. 10. Weep not for the dead neither bemoan him but weep for him that goeth away for he shall return no
A TOKEN FOR MOURNERS OR The Advice of Christ to a distressed Mother bewailing the Death of her Dear and only Son WHEREIN The Boundaries of Sorrow are duly fixed Excesses restrained the Common Pleas Answered and divers Rules for the support of Gods afflicted ones prescribed By J. F. Preacher of the Gospel of Christ at Dartmouth in Devon 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Transivere patres simul hinc transibimus omnes In coelo patriam qui bene transit habet LONDON Printed for Robert Boulter at the Turks-head in Cornhill over against the Royal Exchange 1674. THE Epistle Dedicatory To his dearly beloved Brother and Sister Mr J. C. and Mrs. E. C. the Author wisheth Grace Mercy and Peace Dear Friends THE double tye of Nature and Grace beside the many endearing passages that for so many years have linked and glewed our affections so intimately cannot but beget a tender sympathy in me under all your troubles and make me say of every affliction which befalls you half mine I find it is with our affections as with the strings of Musical instruments exactly set at the same height if one be touched the other trembles though it be at some distance Our affections are one and so in a great measure have been our afflictions also You cannot forget that in the years lately past the Almighty visited my Tabernacle with the Rod and in one year cut off from it the root and the branch the tender Mother and the only Son What the effects of those strokes or rather of my own unmortified passions were I have felt and you and others have heard Surely I was as a Bullock unaccustomed to the Yoak Yea I may say with them Lam. 3. 19 20. Remembring mine affliction and my misery the wormwood and the gall my soul hath them still in remembrance and is humbled in me I dare not say that ever I felt my heart discontentedly rising and swelling against God no I could still justifie him when I most sensibly smarted by his hand if he had plunged me into a Sea of sorrow yet I could say in all that Sea of Sorrow there is not a drop of injustice But it was the over-heating and over-acting of my fond and unmortified affections and passions that made so sad impressions upon my body and cast me under those distempers which soon imbittered all my remaining comforts to me It was my earnest desire so soon as I had strength and opportunity for so great a Journey to visit you that so if the Lord had pleased I might both refresh and be refreshed by you after all my sad and disconsolate daye And you cannot imagine what content and pleasure I projected in that visit but it proved to us as all other Comforts of the same kind ordinarily do more in expectation than in fruition for how soon after our joyful meeting and embraces did the Lord overcast and darken our day by sending death into your Tabernacle to take away the desire of your eyes with a stroke to crop off that sweet and only bud from which we promised our selves so much Comfort But no more of that I fear I am gone too far already It is not my design to exasperate your troubles but to heal them and for that purpose have I sent you these papers which I hope may be of use both to you and many others in your condition since they are the after-fruits of my own troubles things that I commend not to you from another hand but which I have in some measure proved and tasted in my own tryals But I will not hold you longer here I have only a few things to desire for and from you and I have done The things I desire are First That you will not be too hasty to get off the yoak which God hath put upon your neck Remember when your child was in the Womb neither of you desired it should be delivered thence till Gods appointed time was fully come and now that you travail again with sorrow for its death O desire not to be delivered from your sorrows one moment before Gods time for your deliverance be fully come also Let patience have its perfect work that Comfort which comes in Gods way and season will stick by you and do you good indeed Secondly I desire that though you and your afflictions had a sad meeting yet you and they may have a Comfortable parting If they effect that upon your hearts which God sent them for I doubt not but you will give them a fair testimony when they go off If they obtain Gods blessing upon them in their operation surely they will have your blessing too at their valediction And what you entertained with fear you will dismiss with praise How sweet is it to hear the afflicted soul say when God is looseing his bands It 's good for me that I have been afflicted Thirdly I heartily wish that these searching afflictions may make the most satisfying discoveries that you may now see more of the evil of sin the vanity of the Creature and the fullness of Christ than ever you yet saw Afflictions are searchers and put the soul upon searching and trying its ways Lam. 3. 40. When our sin finds us out by affliction happy are we if by the light of affliction we find out sin Blessed is the man whom God chasteneth and teacheth out of his Law Psal. 94. 12. There are unseen causes many times of our troubles you have an advantage now to sift out the seeds and principles from which they spring Fourthly I wish that all the love and delight you bestowed upon your little one may now be placed to your greater advantage upon Jesus Christ and that the stream of your affection to him may be so much the stronger as there are now fewer chanels for it to be devided into If God will not have any part of your happiness to lye in children then let it wholly lye in himself If the Jealousie of the Lord hath removed that which drew away too much of your heart from him and hath spoken by this rod saying Stand aside child thou art in my way and fillest more room in thy Parents hearts than belongs to thee O then deliver up all to him and say Lord take the whole heart intirely and undividedly to thy self Henceforth let there be no parting sharing or deviding of the affections betwixt God and the Creature let all the streams meet and center in thee only Fifthly That you may be strengthned with all might in the inner man to all patience that the peace of God may keep your heart and mind Labour to bring your hearts to a meek submission to the rod of your Father We had Fathers of our flesh who corrected us and we gave them reverence shall we not much more be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live Is it comely for children to contest and strive with their Father Or is it the way to be freed from the yoak
your case been But as long as your best mercies are all safe the things that have salvation in them remain and only the things that have vanity in them are removed you are not prejudiced or much hindred as to the attainment of your last end by the loss of these things Alas it was not Christs intent to purchase for you a sensual content in the enjoyment of these earthly comforts but to redeem you from all iniquity purge your corruptions sanctifie your natures wean your hearts from this vain world and so to dispose and order your present condition that finding no rest and content here you might the more ardently pant and sigh after the rest which remains for the people of God And are you not in as probable a way to attain this end now as you were before Do you think you are not as likely by these methods of providence to be weaned from the world as by more pleasant and prosperous ones Every wise man reckons that station and condition to be best for him which most promotes and secures his last end and great design Well then reckon you are as well without these things as with them yea and better too if they were but clogs and snares upon your affections you have really lost nothing if the things wherein your eternal happiness consisteth be yet safe Many of Gods dearest children have been denied such comforts as these and many have been deprived of them and yet never the farther from Christ and heaven for that 3. Consid. Alwaies remember that how soon and unexpected soever your parting with your Relations was yet your Lease was expired before you lost them and you enjoyed them every moment of the time that God intended them for you Before this Relation whose loss you lament was born the time of your enjoyment and separation was unalterably fixed and limited in heaven by the God of the spirits of all flesh and although it was a secret to you whilst your friend was with you yet now it is a plain and evident thing that this was the time of separation before appointed and that the life of your friend could by no means be protracted or abreviated but must keep you company just so far and then part with you This position wants not full and clear Scripture authority for its foundation how pregnant and full is that Text Job 24. 5 6. Seeing his dayes are determined the number of his moneths are with thee Thou hast appointed him his bounds which he cannot pass The time of our life as well as the place of our habitation was prefixed before we were born It will greatly conduce to your settlement and peace to be well established in this truth That the appointed time was fully come when you and your dear Relation parted for it will prevent and save a great deal of trouble which comes from our after Reflections O if this had been done or that omitted had it not been for such miscarriages and over-sights my dear husband wife or child had been alive at this day No no the Lords time was fully come and all things concurred and fell in together to bring about the pleasure of his will let that satisfie you had the ablest physitians in the world been there or had they that were there prescribed another course as it is now so it would have been when they had done all Only it must be precaution'd that the decree of God no way excuses any voluntary sinful neglects or miscarriages God over-rules these things to serve his own ends but no way approves them but it greatly relieves against all our involuntary and unavoydable oversights and mistakes about the use of means or the timing of them for it could not be otherwise than now it is Object But many things are alledged against this position and that with much seeming countenance from such Scriptures as these Psal. 54. 25. Blood thirsty men shall not live out half their dayes Eccles. 7. 18. Why shouldst thou dye before thy time Psal. 102. 24. O my God take me not away in the midst of my dayes Isa. 38. 10. I am deprived of the residue of my years And Prov. 10. 27. The fear of the Lord prolongeth dayes but the years of the wicked shall be shortened It is demanded what tollerable sense we can give these Scriptures whilest we assert an unalterable fixation of the term of death Sol. The sense of all these Scriptures will be clear'd up to full satisfaction by distinguishing death and the Terms of it First we must distinguish death into Natural and Violent The wicked and blood thirsty man shall not live out half his dayes i. e. half so long as he might live according to the course of nature or the vigour and soundness of his natural constitution for his wickedness either drowns nature in an excess of riot and luxury or exposes him to the hand of justice which cuts him off for his wickedness before he hath accomplished half his dayes Again we must distinguish of the Term or limit set for death which is either General or Special The general limit is now seventy or or eighty years Psal. 90. 10. The dayes of our years are threescore years and ten and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years yet is their strength labour and sorrow To this short limit the life of man is generally reduced since the flood and though there be some few exceptions yet the general rule is not thereby destroyed The special limit is that proportion of time which God by his own counsel and will hath alotted to every individual person and it is only known to us by the event This we affirm to be a fixed and unmovable term with it all things shall fall in and subserve the will of God in our dissolution at that time But because the general limit is known and this special limit is a secret hid in Gods own brest therefore man reckons by the former account and may be said when he dyes at thirty or forty years old to be cut off in the midst of his dayes for it is so reckoning by the general account though he be not cut off till the end of his dayes reckoning by his special limit Thus he that is wicked dies before his time i. e. the time he might attain to in an ordinary way but not before the time God had appointed And so in all the other objected Scripture It is not proper at all in a Subject of this nature to digress into a controversie Alas the poor Mourner overwhelmed with grief hath no pleasure in that it is not proper for him at this time and therefore I shall for present wave the controversie and wind up this consideration with an humble and serious motion to the afflicted that they will wisely consider the matter the Lords time was come Your Relations lived with you every moment that God intended them for you before you had them O Parents mind this
beg'd of the Lord and I concluded when I had it that it brought with it the returns and answers of many prayers But now I see it was nothing less God had no regard to my prayers about it nor was it given me in that special way of mercy as I imagined it to be My child is not only dead but my prayers in the same day shut out and denyed 1. Answ. That you prayed for your children before you had them was your duty and if you prayed not for them submissively referring it to the pleasure of God to give or deny them to continue or remove them as should seem good to him that was your sin you ought not to limit the holy one of Israel nor prescribe to him or capitulate with him for what term you shall enjoy your outward comforts If you did so it was your evil and God hath justly rebuked it by this stroke if you did pray conditionally and submissively referring both the mercy asked and continuance of it to the will of God as you ought to do then there is nothing in the death of your child that crosses the true scope and intent of your prayer 2. Answer Your prayers may be answered though the thing prayed for be withheld yea or though it should be given for a little while and snatcht away from you again There are four ways of Gods answering prayers by giving the thing prayed for presently Dan. 9. 23. or by suspending the answer for a time and giving it afterwards Luk. 18. 7. or by withholding that mercy which you ask from you and giving you a much better mercy in the room of it Deut. 3. 24. compared with Deut. 34. 4 5. or lastly by giving you patience to bear the loss or want of it 2 Cor. 12. 9. Now if the Lord have taken away your child or friend and in lieu thereof given you a meek quiet submissive heart to his will you need not say he hath shut out your cry 2. Plea But I have lost a lovely obliging and most endearing child one that was beautiful and sweet it is a stony heart that would not dissolve into tears for the loss of one so desirable so engaging as this was Ah it s no common loss 1. Answer The more lovely and engaging your Relation was the more excellent will your patience and contentment with the will of God in its death be the more loveliness the more self-denyal and the more self-denyal the more grace Had it been a thousand times more endearingly sweet than it was it was not too good to deny for God If therefore obedience to the will of God do indeed master natural affections and that you look upon patience and contentment as much more beautiful than the sweetest and most desirable enjoyment on earth it may turn to you for a testimony of the truth and strength of grace that you can like Abraham part with a child whom you so dearly love in obedience to the will of your God whom you love infinitely more 2. Answer The loveliness and beauty of our children and Relations though it must be acknowledged a good gift from the hand of God yet it is but a common gift and oftentimes becomes a snare and is in its own nature but a transitory vanishing thing and therefore no such great aggravation of the loss as is pretended I say it 's but a common gift Eliab Adonijah and Absolom had as lovely a presence as any in their generation Yea it 's not only common to the wicked with the godly but to bruit animals as well as men and to most that excel in it it becomes a temptation the souls of some had been more beautiful and lovely if their bodies had been less so Beside it 's but a flower which flourishes in its month and then fades This therefore should not be reflected on as so great a circumstance to aggravate your trouble 3. Answer But if your Relation sleep in Jesus he will appear ten thousand times more lovely in the morning of the Resurrection than ever he was in this world What is the exactest purest beauty of mortals to the incomparable beauty of the Saints in the Resurrection Then shall the righteous shine forth as the Sun in the Kingdom of their Father Mat. 13. 43. In this hope you part with them therefore act sutably to your hopes 3. Plea O but my child was nipt off by death in the very bud I did but see and love and part had I enjoyed it longer and had time to suck out the sweetness of such an enjoyment I could have born it easier but its months or years with me were so few that they only served to raise an expectation which was quickly and therefore the more sadly disappointed 1. Answer Did your friend dye young or was the bond of any other Relation dissolved almost as soon as made let not this seem so intollerable a load to you for if you have ground to hope they died in Christ then they lived long enough in this world It 's truly said he hath sayled long enough that hath won the Harbour and he hath fought long enough that hath obtained the victory he hath run long enough that hath toucht the Gole and he hath lived long enough on earth that hath won heaven be his days here never so few 2. Answer The sooner your Relation dyed the less sin hath been committed and the less sorrow felt What can you see in this world but sin or sorrow A quick passage through it to glory is a special priviledge Surely the world is not so desirable a place that Christians should desire an hours time longer in it for themselves or theirs than serves to fit them for a better 3. Answer And whereas you imagine the parting would have been easier if the enjoyment had been longer it is a fond and groundless suspicion The longer you had enjoyed them the stronger would the endearments have been A young and tender plant may be easily drawn up by a single hand but when it hath spread and fixed its roots many years in the earth it will require many a strong blow and hard tug to root it up Affections like those under-ground roots are fixed and strengthned by nothing more than consuetude and long possession it 's much easier parting now than it would be hereafter whatever you opine However this should satisfie you that Gods time is the best time 4. Plea O but I have lost all in one it is my only one I have none left in its room to repair the breach and make up the loss if God had given me other children to take comfort in the loss had not been so great but to lose all at one stroke is insupportable 1. Answer Religion allows not to Christians a liberty of expressing the death of their dear Relations by so hard a word as the loss of them is They are not lost but sent before you And it is