thing whatsoever is within Him or without Him or about Him whatsoever He thinkes upon remembers heares sees turne all to his torment No marvaile then tho the terrour of a wounded conscience bee so intolerable 3. As the exultations of the Soule and spirituall refreshments doe incomparably surpasse both in excellency of Object and sweetnesse of apprehension all pleasures of seâ—se and bodily delights so afflictions of the Soule and spirituall pangs doe infinitely exceede both in bitternesse of sense and intension of sorrow the most exquisite tortures can possibly bee inflicted upon the Body For the Soule is a spirit very subtile quicke active stirring all life motion sense feeling and therefore farre more capable and apprehensive of all kinds of impressions whether passions of pleasure or inflictions of paâ—â—e 4. This extremest of miseries a wounded spirit is tempered with such strong and strange ingredients of extraordinary feares that it makes a man a terrour to himselfe and to all his friends To flee when none pursues at the sound of a shaken leafe To tremble at his owne shadow to bee in great feare where no feare is Besides the insupportable burthen of too many true and causefull terrours it fills His darke and dreadfull Fancy with a world of fained horrours gastly apparitions and imaginary Hells which notwithstanding have reall stings and impresse true tortures upon his trembling and wofull heart It is empoysoned with such restlesse anguish and desperate paine that tho life bee most sweete and Hell most horrible yet it makes a man wilfully to abandon the one and willingly to embrace the other that Hee may bee rid of it's rage Hence it was that Iudas preferred an Halter and Hell before his present horrour That Spira said often what heart quakes not to heare it that Hee envied Cain Saul and Iudas wishing rather any of their roomes in the Dungeon of the damned then to have his poore heart so rent in pieces with such raging terrors fiery desperations upon his Bed of death Whereupon at another time beeing asked Whether Hee feared more fearefull torments after this life Yes said Hee But I desire nothing more then to bee in that place where I shall expect no more Expectation as it seemes of future did infinitely aggravate and enrage His already intolerable torture 5. The Heathens who had no fuller sight of the foulenesse of sinne or more smarting sense of divine vengeance for it then the light of naturall conscience was able to afford and represent unto them yet were woont in fiction to shadow out in some sort and intimate unto us the insufferable extremities of a minde troubled in this kinde by hellish furies following malefactors with burning fire-brands and flames of torture What understanding then is able to conceive or tongue to report in what case that sinfull conscience must needs bee when it is once awakened which besides the notions of naturall light hath also the full Sun of Gods sacred Word and that pure Eye which is ten thousand times brighter then the Sunne and cannot looke upon iniquity to irradiate and enrage it to the height of guiltinesse and depth of horrour Both heart and tongue Man and Angell must let that alone for ever For none can take the true estimate of this immesurable spirituall misery but hee that can comprehend the length and breadth of that infinite unresistable wrath which once implacably enkindled in the bosome of God burnes to the very bottome of Hell and there creates the extremity and endlesnesse of all those un-expressable torments and fiery plagues which afflict the Diuels and damned Soules in that horrible Pit 6. Not onely the desperate cries of Cain Iudas Latomus and many other such miserable men of forlorne hope but also the wofull complaints even of Gods owne deare Children discover the truth of this Point to wit the terrours and intolerablenesse of a wounded Conscience Heare how rufully three ancient Worthies in their times wrastled with the wrath of God in this kinde I reckoned till morning saith Hezekiah that as a Lion so will hee breake all my bones Even as the weake and trembling limbes of some lesser neglected Beast are crusht and torne in pieces by the unresistable Paw of an unconquerable Lion so was His troubled Soule terrified and broken with the anger of the Almighty Hee could not speake for bitternesse of griefe and anguish of heart but chattered like a Crane or a Swallow and mourned like a Dove Thou writest bitter things against mee saith Iob and makest mee to possesse the iniquities of my youth The arrowes of the Almighty are within mee the poyson thereof drinketh up my spirit the terrours of God doe set themselves in aray against mee O that I might have my request And that God would grant mee the thing that I long for Even that it would please God to destroy mee that Hee would let loose his hand and cut mee off Nay yet worse Thou scarest mee with dreames and terrifiest mee through visious So that my Soule chuseth strangling and death rather then my life Tho God in mercy preserves his servants from the monstrous and most abhorred Act of selfe-murder yet in some melancholike moode horrour of minde and bitternesse of spirit they are not quite freed from all impatient wishes that way and sudden suggestions thereunto My bones waxed old saith David through my roaring all the day long Day and night thy hand was heavy upon mee my moysture is turned into the drought of Summer Thine arrowes sticke fast in mee and thy hand presseth mee sore There is no soundnesse in my flesh because of thine anger neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sinne For mine iniquities are gone over my head as an heavy burden they are too heavy for mee I am troubled I am bowed downe greatly I goe mourning all the day long I am feeble and sore broken I have roared by reason of the disqujâ—tnesse of my heart Heare also into what a depth of spirituall distresse three worthy servants of God in these later times were plung'd and pressed downe under the sense of Gods anger for sinne Blessed Mistris Brettergh upon Her last Bed was horribly hemmed in with the sorrowes of death the very griefe of Hell laid hold upon Her Soule a roaring Wildernesse of woe was within Her as She confessed of Her selfe She said her sinnes had made Her a prey to Satan And wished that she had never been borne or that shee had been made any other creature rather then a Woman Shee cryed out many times Woe woe woe c. A weake a wofull a wretched a forsaken woman with teares continually trickling from her eyes Master Peacock that man of God in that His dreadfull visitation and desertion recounting some smaller sinnes burst out into these words And for these saith Hee I feele now an Hell in my conscience Vpon other occasions Hee cryed
with the wrath of God and left to the horrour of some hideous temptation 4. Heare Master Hooker a man of great learning and very sound in this point I varie some words but keepe the sense entire Happier a great deale is that mans Case whose soule by inward desolation is humbled then hee whose heart is through abundance of spirituall delight lifted up and exalted above measure Better is it sometimes to goe downe into the pit with him who beholding darknes and bewailing the losse of inward ioy and consolation crieth from the bottome of the lowest hell My God My God why hast thou forsaken mee Then continually to walke arme in arme with Angels to sit as it were in Abrahams bosome and to have no thought or cogitation but of peace and blessing himselfe in the singularity of assurance above other men to say I desire no other blisse but only duration of my present comfortable feelings and fruition of God I want nothing but even thrusting into heaven and the like For in the height of spirituall ravishments thou art in great hazard of being exalted above measure and so may bee justly exposed to a Thorne in the flesh the Messenger of Satan to buffet thee which is a very heavie case But now on the other side the lowest degree of humiliation under Gods mighty hand is the nearest step to rising and extraordinary exultation of spirit The extremest darknesse of a spirituall desertion is wont to go immediately before the glorious Sun-rise of heavenly light and un-utterable lightsomnes in the soule David securely pleasing and applauding himselfe in his present stability and strong conceit of the continuance of his peace brake out thus I shal never be moved Lord by thy favour thou hast made my mountaine to stand strong But hee was quickly throwne downe from the top of his supposed unmoveable hill taken off from the height of his confidence and lay trembling in the dust Thou didst hide thy face and I was troubled But now that sweetest rapture of incredible joy for so he spake The ioy which I feele in my conscience is incredible did arise in Master Peacocks heart when hee was newly come as it were out of the mouth of Hell Mistris Bretterghs wonderfull reioycing followed immediately upon her returne out of a roaring wildernesse as she called it What large effusions of the Spirit and overflowing rivers of heavenly peace were plentifully showred downe upon Robert Glovers troubled spirit after the heaviest night in all likelyhood that ever he had in this world by reason of a greivous Desertion 5. Nay heare the Spirit of all truth and comfort Himselfe immediately Who is among you that feareth the Lord that obeyeth the voyce of his servant that walketh in darkenesse and hath no light Let him trust in the Name of the Lord and stay upon his God Whence wee may draw a double comfort in time of Desertion first Because in thy present apprehension thou finds and feeles thy selfe in darkenesse and to have no light thou art ready therupon to conceive and conclude un-necessarily against thy owne soule that Gods favour Iesus Christ grace salvation and all are gone for ever And this is the most cutting sting sorest pang which grievously afflicts and rents the heart in pieces with restlesse angvish in such Cases Out of what depth of horrour doe you thinke did these heavie groanes and almost if not altogether for the time despairing speeches spring in those blessed Saints mentioned before Will the Lord cast off for ever And will hee be favourable no more Is his mercy cleane gone for ever Doth his promise faile for evermore While I suffer thy terrours I am distracted I am amazed confounded and almost mad with feare least my soule should bee swallowed up with the horrours of eternall death I am afraid lest the Lord hath utterly withdrawne his wonted favour from me Woe woe woe c. A weake a wofull a wretched a forsaken woman I have no more sense of grace then these curtaines Oh! how wofull and miserable is my estate that must thus converse with hell-hounds It is against the course of Gods proceedings to save mee c. But now herein the deserted in the sense I have said are much deceived and extremely wrong their owne soules in such extremities not considering that their walking in darkenesse and having no light may most certainely consist with a saving estate and a Beeing in Gods favour tho for the present not perceived Which appeares plainely by the quoted place Wherein Hee that walketh in darkenesse and hath no light is such an one as feareth the Lord and obeyeth the voice of his servant Now the feare of God and obedience to the Ministery are evident markes of a gracious man Hence it is that when the servants of God are something come againe unto themselves they see and censure their owne unadvisednesse in that respect disavow and disclaime all termes tending that way which they let hastily fall from them in heate of temptation And I said faith David this is my infirmity but I will remember the yeeres of the right hand of the most High Truly said Master Peacocke my heart and soule have been far led and deepely troubled with temptations and stings of conscience but I thanke God they are eased in good measure Wherefore I desire that I bee not branded with the note of a forlorne reprobate Such questions Oppositions and all tending thereto I renounce Here then is a great deale of comfort in the greatest darkenesse of a spirituall desertion for wee may assure our selves that God by his blessed Spirit hath a secret influence and saving worke upon the soule of his Child when there is no light or feeling of his favour at all The Sun we know tho hee leaves his light upon the face of the earth yet notwithstanding descends by a reall effectual influence into the bosome and darkest bowels thereof and there exerciseth a most excellent work in begetting mettals Gold Silver and other pretious things It is proportionably so in the present Point A poore soule may lie groveling in the dust afflicted tossed with tempest and in present apprehension have no comfort and yet blessedly partake still of the sweet influence of Gods everlasting love of a secret saving worke of grace and almighty support of the sanctifying Spirit Let us looke upon the Lord Iesus himselfe His holy soule though hee was Lord of Heaven and Earth upon the Crosse was even as a scorched heath-ground without so much as any drop of deaw of comfort either from Heaven or Earth and yet at the same time hee was gloriously sustained by an omnipotent influence And God was never nearer unto Him than then neither Hee ever so obedient unto God And I make no doubt but that the judicious eye of the well-experienced Physition may many times easily observe it in those troubled tempted and deserted soules which they
ever the Obiect Now what a miraculous mercy was this that passing by such an un-numbred variety of incomparably inferiour creatures He should make Thee an everlasting Soule like an Angell of God capable of grace and immortality of incorporation into Christ and fruition of Iehova Himselfe blessed for ever Nay and yet further tho thou wast to haue the Being of a reasonable creature yet there was not an houre from the first moment of time unto the worlds end but God might have allotted that to Thee for thy comming into this world And therefore Thy time might have bin within the compasse of all those foure thousand yeares or there abouts from the Creation untill the Comming of Christ in the flesh when as all without the Pale and Partition-wall were without the Oracles and Ordinances of God and all ordinary meanes of salvation Or since the Gospell revealed under the raigne of Anti-Christ And then a thousand to One thou hadst beene choakt and for ever perisht in the damned mists of his Devillish Doctrines What an high honour was this to have thy birth and abode here upon earth appointed from all eternity in the very best and blesseddest time upon the fairest Day of peace and which is infinitely more in the most glorious Light of Grace that ever shone from Heaven upon the Children of men And so of the place Bee it so that Thou must needes bee in this golden Age of the Gospell and gracious Day yet thy lot of living in the world at this time might have lited for any part of the earth might have received Thee where Thou couldest have set but thy two feete amongst Turkes Pagans Infidels a whole world to Christendome Or if thine appearing upon Earth must necessarily bee within the confines of Christendome yet Thou mightest have sprung up in the Popish parts of it or in the scismaticall or persecuted Places of the true Church in it It was a very singular favour That thou shouldest be borne and bred and brought up in this little neglected Nooke of the world yet very illustrious by the presence of Christ in a mighty Ministry where Thou hast or mightest have enioyed in many Parts thereof the glorious Gospell of our blessed God and all saving Truth with much purity and power Now put all these together and tell me in cold bloud and after a sensible and serious ponderation thereupon Doest thou thinke that all this adoe was about Thee all this honour done unto Thee and when all is done Thou art to doe nothing but seeke Thy selfe serve Thine owne turne and live sensually Camest Thou out of Nothing into this world to doe iust nothing but eate and drinke and sleepe to game goe in the fashion and play the good fellow to laugh and be merry to grow rich and leave tokens of thy pleasure in every place c. If any after so much illightning bee so prodigiously mad as to continue in such a conceite I have nothing to say to Him but leave Him as an everlasting Bedlam abandon'd to that folly which wants a name to expresse it Turne then thy course for shame nay as Thou hast any care to be saved and to see the glory of the new Ierusalem as Thou desirest to looke the Lord Iesus in the face with comfort at that great Day as Thou fearest to receive thy portion in Hell-fire with the Devill and His Angells even most intolerable and bitter torments for ever and ever at least in this thy day in this heate and height of Thy spirituall Harvest awake out of thy sensuall sleepe come to thy selfe with the Prodigall strik◠upon thy thigh and for the poore remainder of a few and evill dayes addresse thy selfe with resolution and constancy to pursue the One necessary Thing and to treasure up much heavenly strength and store against thine ending houre Get thee under conscionable Meanes and quickning Ministery and there gather grace as greedily as the most gryping Vsurer graspeth gould contend with an holy ambition as earnestly for the keeping of Gods favour and an humble familiarity with His heavenly Highnesse by keeping faith and a good conscience as the proudest Haman for an high Place and pleased face of an earthly Prince And why not infinitely more This was the end for which thou wast sent into this World This onely is the way to endlesse blisse And this alone will helpe us and hold out in the Euill day 2. That upon the little ynch of time in this life depends the length and breadth of all eternity in the World to come As we behave our selves here we shall fare everlastingly hereafter And therefore how ought we to ply this moment and prize that eternity To decline all entanglement in those inordinate affections to the possessions and pleasures of the Present which hinder a fruitfull improovement of it to the best advantage for the spirituall good of our Soules Let us be mooved with such reasons as these which may be collected from the words of a worthy Writer which run thus with very little variation 1. If we could afford our selues but so much leasure as to consider That he which hath most in the world hath in respect of the world nothing in it and that he which hath the longest time lent him to live in it hath yet no proportion at all therein setting it either by that which is past when we were not or by that time in which we shall abide for ever I say if both to wit our proportion in the world and our time in the world differ not much from that which is nothing it is not out of any excellency of understanding saith Hee but out of depth of folly say I that we so much prize the one which hath in effect no being and so much neglect the other which hath no ending coveting the mortall things of the world as if our Soules were therein immortall and neglecting those things which are immortall as if our selues after the world were but mortall 2. Let adversity seeme what it will to happy men ridiculous who make themselves merry with other mens miseries and to those under the crosse grievous yet this is true That for all that is past to the very instant the portions remaining are equall to either For be it that we have lived many yeeres and according to Salomon in thē all we have reioyced or be it that we have measured the same length of time and therein have ever-more sorrowed yet looking backe from our present being we finde both the one and the other to wit the joy and the woe sayled out of sight and death which doth pursue us and hold us in chace from our infancy hath gathered it Whatsoever of our age is past death holds it So as whosoever he be to whom Prosperitie hath bin a servant and the Time a friend let him but take the accompt of his memory for we haue no other keeper of our pleasures past
out groaning most pitifully Oh mee Wretch Oh mine heart is miserable Oh Oh miserable and wofull The burthen of my sinne lyeth so heavy upon mee I doubt it will breake my heart Oh how wofull and miserable is my state that thus must converse with Hell-hounds When By-standers asked if Hee would pray Hee answered I cannot Suffer us say they to pray for you Take not replyed Hee the Name of God in vaine by praying for a Reprobate What grievous pangs what sorrowfull torments what boyling heates of the fire of Hell that blessed Saint of God Iohn Glover felt inwardly in his spirit saith Fox no speech outwardly is able to expresse Being young saith Hee I remember I was once or twice with Him whom partly by His talke I perceived and partly by mine owne eyes saw to bee so worne and consumed by the space of five yeeres that neither almost any brooking of meat quietnes of sleep pleasure of life yea and almost no kind of senses was left in Him Vpon apprehension of some back-sliding Hee was so perplexed that if Hee had been in the deepest Pit of Hell Hee could almost have despaired no more of His salvation saith the same Author In which intolerable griefes of minde saith Hee although Hee neither had nor could have any ioy of his meate yet was Hee compelled to eate against his appetite to the end to differre the time of His damnation so long as Hee might thinking with Himselfe no lesse but that Hee must needs bee throwne into Hell the breath beeing once out of his Body I dare not passe out of this Point lest some Childe of God should bee here discouraged before I tell you that every One of these three last named was at length blessedly recovered and did rise most gloriously out of their severall Depths of extremest spirituall misery before their end Heare therefore also Mistris Bretterghs triumphant Songs and ravishments of spirit after the returne of Her Welbeloved O Lord Iesu doest Thou pray for mee O blessed and sweete Saviour How wonderfull How wonderfull How wonderfull are thy mercies Oh thy love is unspeakeable that hast dealt so graciously with mee O my Lord and my God blessed bee thy Name for evermore which hast sâ—â—wed mee the Path of life Thou didst O Lord hide thy face from mee for a little season but with everlasting mercy thou hast had compassion on mee And now blessed Lord thy comfortable presence is come yea Lord thou hast had respect unto thine hand-maide and art come with fulnesse of ioy and abundance of consolations O blessed bee thy Name my Lord and my God O the ioyes the ioyes the ioyes that I feele in my Soule Oh they bee wonderfull They bee wonderfull They bee wonderfull O Father how mercifull and marveilous gracious art thou unto mee yea Lord I feele thy mercy and I am assured of thy love and so certaine am I thereof as Thou art the God of truth even so sure doe I know my Selfe to bee thine O Lord my God and this my Soule knoweth right well and this my Soule knoweth right well O blessed bee the Lord O blessed bee the Lord that hath thus comforted mee and hath brought mee now to a place more sweet unto mee then the Garden of Eden Oh the ioy the ioy the delightsome ioy that I feele O praise the Lord for his mercies and for this ioy which my Soule feeleth full well prayse His Name for evermore Heare with what heavenly calmenesse and sweete comforts Master Peacocks heart was refresht and ravisht when the storme was over Truly my heart and Soule saith Hee when the tempest was something alayed have been farre led and deepely troubled with temptations and stings of conscience but I thanke God they are eased in good measure Wherefore I desire that I bee not branded with the note of a cast-away or reprobate Such questions oppositions and all tending thereto I renounce Concerning mine inconsiderate speeches in my temptation I humbly and heartily aske mercy of God for them all Afterward by little and little more light did arise in His heart and Hee brake out into such speeches as these I doe God bee praised feele such comfort from that what shall I call it Agony said One that stood by Nay quoth Hee that is too little That had I five hundred worlds I could not make satisfaction for such an issue Oh the Sea is not more full of water nor the Sunne of light then the Lord of mercy yea His mercies are ten thousand times more What great cause have I to magnifie the great goodnesse of God that hath humbled â—ay rather exalted such a wretched Miscreant and of so base condition to an estate so glorious and stately The Lord hath honoured me with His goodnesse I am sure Hee hath provided a glorious Kingdome for me The ioy that I feele in mine heart is incredible For the third heare M. Fox Tho this good Servant of God suffered many yeares so sharp temptations and strong buffetings of Satan yet the Lord who graciously preserved Him all the while not onely at last did rid him out of all discomfort but also framed him thereby to such mortification of life as the like lightly hath not been seene in such sort as Hee bâ—eing like one placed in Heaven already and dâ—ad in this world both in word and meditation led a life altogether celestiall abhorring in His mind all prophane doâ—ngs 7. No arme of flesh or Art of man no earthly comfort or created power can possibly heale or helpe in this heaviest case and extreamest horrour Heaven and earth Men and Angels friends and Physicke gold and silver pleasures and preferments fauour of Princes nay the utmost possibility of the whole creation must let this alone for ever An Almighty hand and infinite skill must take this in hand or else never any cure or recovery in this world or the world to come Bodily diseases may be eased and mollified by medicines Surgery as they say hath a salve for every sore Poverty may be repaired and releived by friends There is no imprisonment without some hope of enlargement Sute and favour may helpe home out of banishment Innocency and neglect may weare-out disgrace Griefe for losse of a wife a Child or other dearest friend if not by reasons from Reason that death is un-avoidable necessary an end of all earthly miseries the common way of all Mankinde c. yet at last is lessened and utterly lost by length of time Cordialls of Pearle Saphyres and Rubies with such like may recomfort the heart possest with Melancholy and drown'd in the darkenesse of that sad and irkesome humour c. But now not the most exquisite concurrence of all these nor all the united abilities which lie within the strength and sinewes of the Arme of flesh can helpe any whit at all in this Case Not the exactest quintessence extracted from all the joyes glory and pleasures that ever the world