thoughts from such an vngenerous condition meane time as the intentions of my soule are grounded on a more setled foundation than the opinion of that monster-multitude so shall my studies euer be directed for the satisfactorie delight and profit of the generous I am now drawing from the world heauens forbid that I should proue such a seruile obseruer of the world as to prize her Fauours before my fortunes in an other world In briefe as I am now learning how to number my dayes so will I take a strict account of the expence of my howres that my dayes well numbred may bring me to the length of dayes neuer to be summed that my howres well expended may bring me to ioyes in that last howre neuer to be ended so shall those vertues which I haue in others admired moue me to imitation those vices which I haue obserued in others enforce in me a detestation Male de me loquuntur sed mali mouerer si de me M. Cato si Lelius sapiens si duo Scipiones ista loquerentur nunc malis displicere laudari est Seneca ad Galion de remed fortuit FINIS RESOLVES I Offered before the sacrifice of my teares now remaines the prosecution of my Resolues that as the first were symbols and signalls of my conuersion and contrition so the latter might be persuasiue motiues of my firmer resolution Dry be those teares of repentance which are not seconded by a zealous continuance sith the perfection of vertue is perseuerance and fruitlesse is that zeale which like the seede in the parable is either by the thornie cares of the world choaked by the heat of persecution parched or by stonie impenitencie and obduracie withered I will therefore by the power of him that made me so forme my Resolution that I may finde a comfortable friend in the day of my dissolution so shall the howre of my death be my convoy to life my Exit a conduct to a more glorious intrat my farewell on earth to my welfare in heauen reaping for what I sowed in teares in a plenteous haruest of ioyes Thus therefore I addresse my Resolues which I wish may be with like feruor receiued as they were composed ministring no lesse matter of consolation to the devout Reader then they did of mortification to the penitent Author I resolue to fix mine eye more intentiuely vpon my image that my forme may put me in minde of my former I haue conversed too long with the world I will fall from discourse to contemplation from talking with the world to contemplate him that made the world I will no longer put my candle vnder a bushell shrowding my soules lustre with my bodies couer but will display the eminence of the one by the basenes of the other Since it is not granted to man to loue and to be wise willingly will I incurre the opinion of vnwise to gaine the loue of him that is solely wise The most precious things haue euer the most pernicious keepers which I found too true when I made my bodie my soules guardian I will henceforth esteeme more highly of such a treasure than to commit it to the trust of a Traytor I haue obserued two Solstices in the Sunnes motion but none in times revolution I will redeeme therefore my time while opportunitie is offred for being past shee is not to be recalled I haue seene young mens loue end in lust old mens in dotage if ere I plant my affection I will so waine my selfe from the first that my chast youth may exempt me from the latter Elegantly expressed was that conceit of the Emperor Fortune hath somewhat of the nature of a woman that if she be too much wooed shee is the farther of I will thinke it therefore the best of fortune neither to be allured by her fawne nor deiected by her frowne for our indifferencie towards fortune makes vs most fortunate Excellent was that soueraigntie or regencie of Fortune attributed by Liuie to Cato Maior In whom saith he there appeared such abilitie both for constancie of minde and maturitie of wit as in what place soeuer he bore himselfe he seemed to be the moulder and maker of his owne fortune but I desire no such transcendencie more haue fallen through the height of successe than for the want of meanes This is my wish to enioy no other meanes than my Sauiour who makes meanes for me to his Father I haue wondred at the strict accounts betwixt man and man while Man the image of his Creator forgets his accounts due to God by man I resolue therefore to make the Euening the summer vp of the day and morning that my daily Memorandums may direct me in my reckning when I shall come to be accomptant for my dispensing In my childhood I wished time after time to please my waggish fancie now is my wish extended to the length of time resoluing to liue to my fathers glory It grieues mee when I call to minde how those many howres of vanitie which did once delight me shall be produced as so many witnesses to condemne me yet am I cheered with this Resolue that He who moued me to this remorce for my sin will not suffer me to make relapse into sin nor will pronounce the iudgment of death on me for my former sin Grieuous sinnes require grieuous sighes I will passe therefore the remainder of my time in lamenting as I spent the prime of my time in transgressing so shall my teares witnesse my contrition my retire from the world my conuersion that in both I may adde to my soules glory by wayning my bodie from the conceit of her beauty Ech thing we see in her kinde and nature yet man by sin a priuitiue degenerates from his nature primitiue opposing himselfe by transgressing his law that made him for himselfe I haue heard many call this life a Pilgrimage yet did they liue in it as if it had bin the sole hope of their inheritance I resolue therefore to take in hand the actiue part and leaue the discursiue doe before I speake practise mortification before I prattle of it so shall my discourse be powerfull subsisting in the worke not word not externall or for fashion but in essence and operation I haue oftentimes entred into discourse with my selfe making the scope thereof venite abite I contemplated withall the happinesse of those fiue Virgins receiued the miserie of those fiue reiected reasoning with my selfe what this should meane and I found that no entry was admitted where the oyle of grace was not infused and that the heauenly Bridegroome will be by vs watchfully attended ere we be by him gloriously receiued I resolued therefore to prepare a Wedding garment to adorne me a Lampe full of oyle to lighten me and a trustie friend to direct me the garment of humilitie the oyle of charitie and my friendly conscience within me I haue wondred at some mens humors whose chiefest discourse was euer bent on their owne commendations
for my part the knowledge of mine owne imperfections inioynes me silence considering how far I am short of that I should be how exceeding in that which is not required of me I haue resolued therefore by the scale of humilitie to ascend to the throne of glory making the acknowledgment of my defects my directest path for the attayning of perfection As the completest follie appeares in too much complement so the best of wisdome is to be least popularly wise where opinion makes vs proud whil'st priuacie in knowledge makes vs onely knowne to our selues and no otherwise I haue found oft-times the excellentest parts shrowded in the meanest and vnhansomest couers which I can instance in nothing better than in the diuine essence of the soule couered with the garment of flesh Honour is a faire baite but a sincere disposition will not assume it before shee deserue it The best of honour is to acknowledge our selues vnworthy of Him to whom is ascribed all honour nor can we better expresse our worth than by confessing our own shame Purposes and Resolues may be compared to Pauls planting and Apollo's watering but their disposes to the blessing of God I haue resolued in reflexion to my houre-glasse considering times preciousnes with his swiftnes to vie teares with her graines of sand that my teares might in some measure wash away the heap of those sins which are multiplyed like the sands Earth as a globe in the ayre the soule as a Diamond in lead reason as a queene in her throne in the first we moue and are moued in the second we shine yet is our splendor by our bodies couer obscured by the last we are distinguished from beasts yet by her abuse we become worse than beasts If Caesar saith Machauell had beene ouerthrowne he would haue beene more odious then euer was Catiline so strangely doth th' euent make indirectest actions glorious but successe doth not euer argue a direct cause for the morning-flourish of the wicked shuts vp their Euening in a sullen discontent I will therefore so direct the meane that I may attaine the end that an equall relation of one to the other may produce a necessary successe in both I haue wondred why the Thracian being a Pagan should lament his birth like a Christian when we that are Christians laugh at our birth but pule at our death like Pagans As wee enter the world with a shrike so we leaue it with a sigh the first implyes what place of miserie wee are entring the other shewes with what griefe we leaue the world in our departing I haue considered with what tranquillity and peace of conscience a soule sequestred from the world taketh her farewell of earth she finds no obiects to distract her shee sees no friends that can with-drawe her from her approaching dissolution all seeme as in a calme sea whilest a soule plunged in worldly cares grieues to leaue what shee did so exceedingly loue O may my soule so contemne the world as she may addresse her selfe for a future world so extend her hopes aboue earth as she may raigne with her Sauiour after Earth As the vale best discouereth the hil so a humble outside best displaieth a glorious soule Vanity becommeth not a wise-man much-lesse him that should be only wise to saluation I had neuer the fate to admire titles nor hope to rise by fauning on greatnesse Heauen grant I may so follow him that is onely great that the choyce of his attendance may purchase mee a place of perpetuall residence Age cannot alter habite nor aër condition I doe wish my age may be so well tempered that I may get that habite of vertue which cannot be depraued those internally-beautifying qualities of the minde which may not be corrupted That is the choycest pleasure which hath onely relation to vertue others may haue appearance but no essence for bitter is the fruite of that pleasure which is attended on by Repentance There is no Bulwarke so impregnable as a spotlesse soule for shee can oppose all hostilitie inward where the other is onely for outward as there is a continuall feast to him that enioyeth her so there is securitie to him that is attended by her Length of daies is not in this vale of teares for few be they and full of misery but in the Tabernacle of Syon there is length of time without transition and accomplished yeares without conclusion I haue collected that there is a Reward for the good as reuenge for the wicked after this life because the Sunne shineth aswell on the wicked as the good in this life I haue resolued therefore that as the temporary Sunne cheeres mee with his heate so to dispose of my Actions that by his operation which workes in mee I may bee exalted by the Sunne of righteousnesse being made pertaker of his glory When I behold the Dew fall on the grasse by which it is nourished I presently recollect how happy that soule is which is watered by the Dew of Gods grace by which it is onely renewed and in her affliction comforted It is strange that Man in his trauaile should so often measure his graue yet be forgetfull of his end seuen foote is his dimension yet man liueth in that securitie as if that small scantling had a perpetuall extension Making ech day an abstract of my life I finde by bitter experience yet hopefull repentance that I haue spent my morning in wantonnesse now my resolue is to redeme my morning idling with my mid-dayes labouring that I may receiue my penny in the euening As the Sun shines the brightest at his setting so should man at his departing it is the euening crownes the day happy Soule that shall be crowned when her Euening is approached Flatterie is not alwaies to praise in presence for incurre we may that name by praising in absence that is when either the vertue is absent or the occasion as for vertue shee can neither be ouer-prizd nor ouerpraisd I will hate therefore to insinuate where Vertue is not resident nor can he be a Parasite that is her attendant I finde seuerall perturbations to which I am exposed diuers infirmities to which naturally I am subiected I would not follow the indiscretion of Empyricks which minister the same medicines to all Patients as my griefes be sundry proceeding from diuers meanes so must my receits be sundry if I meane to cure the effects I will vse therefore corrasiues to eat away the hard and dead skin of impenitence Lenitiues to renew and cherish my tender skin lest I fall to despaire through too much weaknes I am almost of Copernicus opinion who in his Theorie supposed that the Earth did moue it moues man indeed to moue vnlike himselfe becomming in his motion forgetfull of his first Mouer I resolue therefore as many lines tend to one Centre so to ayme all my soules motions to the glory of my maker that earths motion may by no meanes draw me from him who first
gaue me motion to serue him I haue sometimes wished an end of my miserie lest miserie should cause my end but I found how foolish I was to wish for an end of that which can no way possible haue an end before my end for miserie is an inseparable companion to man so long as he is man for ceasing to be miserable he becommeth an Angell and no man He that falls from diuine contemplation to take content in the world is as he that after he hath bin fed with meat of Angels falls afterward to delight in Swines meat sensuall desires shall not captiuate my reason to the soueraigntie of Sence I resolue so to liue that dying I may liue for this life as it is a death so death to the good is an aduantage of life True it is which Democritus saith Truth lyeth hid in certaine deepe mines or caues yet being daughter to time she will be at last discouered after she hath bin so long depressed neuer neuer Truth loues to be retired from the world because shee sees that her fauourites be few in the world and rather will she liue a stale virgin than bestow herselfe of such as will but make a stale of her Mans life is a globe of examples a shadow of imitation where the latter day is euer scholer to the former I wish no further knowledge than to be a perfect scholer in Christ-crosse row for there as in a mirrour shall I behold Gods mercie mans miserie his miserie in falling Gods mercy in raising matter of thanksgiuing in man to God argument of affection in God to man Long is it since I purposed my conversion but yet a litle and then a litle makes to morrow as far from conversion as was yesterday I collect hence how powerfullst Resolues produce oft-times the poorest effects henceforth therefore I intend not to put off till to morrow by idling to day lest I neuer liue to repent on to morrow being call'd on to day I haue run a great part of my race am out-stripped by all in the course of vertue what remaines but that I should now strip my selfe of this heauy garment with which I am ouer-loaded that I may put on the heauenly garment with which those happy runners the Saints are adorned He that failes in his course cannot obtaine the goale and soone brethlesse am I vnlesse the Lord infuse his diuine breath in me I will therefore run and pray run that I may obteine pray that I cease not to run till I obteyne I haue found how soone affliction alters the countenance of adulterate friendship I haue a litle taste of it and experience bids me make this vse of it Though one Swallow make no summer yet one mans summer makes many Swallowes I will seeke therfore to gaine friends after time since most of these worldly friends are but obseruers of time Pittie it is I heare some say such a braue spirit should want but what a wittall was he that through his owne follie should enforce his own want with others pittie Enuie is better than pitty in estate not in honour for the decrease of honor as she is enuied before her fall yeelds argument of pitty so is shee oft-times restored by being generally pittied where estate as she was an obiect of enuie so piteously complayning shee remaines the same poore without altering I will not like another Herodicus doe nothing all my life long but intend my health for why should I bestow more care on the case than on the instrument within the case on the bodie than the soule No I will reserue that moderate care for the health of my bodie that like a good instrument it may euer yeeld cheerfull musick to the eare of my soule so shall my soule by the ministerie of my bodie conforme her-selfe in obedience to him that made the soule to enlighten the bodie It is strange to know what an impression of loue absence breeds in the Louer I wish the like effect in the absence of my soule from her Creator she is here diuided by the vaile of her flesh may shee be more firmely vnited to him in spirit she is here a prisoner may her desires pierce through these walls of earth and expresse their feruencie to the God of heauen shee is here a pilgrim may her skrip be humilitie her weede sanctitie her staffe charitie and her foode the nourishing milke of the word shee is an exile may shee hasten to her natiue country cherefully leauing this vale of misery shee is an Orphan may she addresse her-selfe thither where raignes the Widdowes iudge and Orphans father Abide here ô my soule let this be thy retreit cheere thy spirit ô my soule with this eternall receit he it is that from perills past hath preserued thee in perills present hath armed thee against perills to come hath fore-warned thee He it is invites thee fore-slowing expects thee opposing recalls thee straying and embraces thee returning He it is that protects thee resting assists thee labouring exhorts thee fighting and crownes thee vanquishing fore-slow not therfore since he invites thee oppose him not since he expects thee stray no farther since he recalls thee but returne with speed that he may embrace thee Rest thou mayst with ioy being so protected labour in hope being so assisted fight with courage being so excited and vanquish with comfort being to be crowned We must passe through a wildernesse to Canaan this wildernesse is the wide world ô may my soule neuer murmur though hunger should annoy her thirst afflict her all perturbations enclose her yea let her rather say with Iob I beleeue that my Redeemer liueth and that with these eyes I shall see him happie eyes that are made contemplators of such exceeding glory ô may my eyes grow dim with weeping to be afterwards partakers of so glorious a vision I resolue now to bid farewell to the world before I leaue it that being in it I may not be of it there is no affinitie betweene the citizens of Mammon and Syon I will fall by a loathing of the one to an vnfained louing of the other that in contempt of this world I may make my account more free in the world to come I will make the worlds follie my chiefest policie soule-wise without desire of sole-wise or self-wise may humilitie henceforth conduct me for conceit of knowledge through an opinionate arrogance hath made me many times glory in my owne ignorance I had rather be imprisoned in the flesh then by the flesh for so I bee freed in minde I little care though I be imprisoned in body since restraint of the one enlargeth the Libertie of the other whether therefore at freedome or restrained I resolue so to liue that my conscience may be a Testimonie how I haue liued making in Prison better vse of my grace then the Curtezan of her Glasse for there will I note the blemishes of my soule while she the spots and moles in her face