have not felt the ground I have gone upon When my pains are greatest I have usually most peace and that upholds me Not long before her death she told one of her relations that she was so ravished with the contemplation of the love of God in Christ that it did even swallow her up so as that she was not able to bear it nor contain it but was forced to remit and let go her present thoughts thereof And the ground of my comfort is the assurance of the love of God which he hath given me And what is the assurance of Gods love worth It is more worth than a thousand worlds and I will not let it go it makes me for joy as it were to fly up and down Thus Gods Love was better to her than Wine yea than Life and the Love of God and the assurance thereof is indeed a Cordial that will revive when none other can nor will none to that This is the very life of our lives the light of our day the â—un of our firmament the spring of our year the joy of our hearts the solace of our souls the strength comfort and support of our spirits the mercy of mercies the blessing of blessings so much better than life that life it self without it is no better than death But this is life even in death and hence the Prophet David prays for this for his Cordial and comfort Psal 119.76 Let I pray thee thy merciful kindness be for my comfort c. And this was the cordial and comfort of this blessed Saint now in Heaven in all her tryals and afflictions while here 3. The word and promises of God These were to her as a banqueting or house of wine as staying flagons and comforting apples as green pastures and still waters c. Cant. 2.4 5. Psal 23.2 As that word Rev. 3.19 As many as I love I rebuke and chasten And Heb. 12.10 But he for our profit that we might be partakers of his holiness And Rom. 8.28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God c. One night she repeated over to her self several promises which she said God brought to her mind and were a very sweet cordial to her Such as Psal 34.22 The Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate Vers 10. The young lyons do lack and suffer hunger but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing Isa 40.11 He shall gather the Lambs with his arm and carry them in his bosom c. Vers 29 He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength c. I am much comforted with that promise Isa 43.25 and I would even live upon it I even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake and will not remember thy sins c. There were two places of Scripture which did more especially much run in her mind of late and were very comforting to her one was 1 Cor. 15.55 O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victory c Vers 57 But thanks be to God who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ The other Job 19.25 26 27 For I know that my Redeemer liveth and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth And though after my skin worms destroy this body yet in my flesh shall I see God Whom I shall see for my self and mine eyes shall behold and not another though my Reins be consumed within me These words were very refreshing to her and were the words discoursed of by Dr. Jacomb at her Funeral though it being propounded to her she acknowledged her great unworthiness that any such thing should be done for her but it might she said do good to the living Those words especially Whom I shall see for my self and mine eyes shall behold and not another she often repeated and was much comsorted by For my self for my self And blessed be God now she sees God for her self even for her self and is in the actual possession of that blessedness of which the contemplation was so sweet to her here She is now seeing God in Heaven in her soul and though after her skin worms destroy her body yet she also shall in due time her body being rais'd see God in her flesh for her self and her eyes shall behold and not another though her reins be consumed within her But her soul is now at present injoying that vision indeed she beholds man no more here with the inhabitants of the world as Hezekiah spake Isa 38 11 neither sees she any more her near and dear relations but she sees a far better sight she sees and injoys God and shall do so for ever and so is now in the participation of the comfort wrapt up in that Scripture and knows experimentally what it is to see God which she had been so long praying and waiting for and to see him for her self for her self and not another as she repeated it Asking her once what it was that comforted her This said she that God hath brought home his promises to my soul and applied them to me he hath said this promise belongs to thee Isa 54.7 8 For a small moment have I forsaken thee but with great mercies will I gather thee In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment but with everlasting kindress will I have mercy on thee saith the Lord thy Redeemer O how full and sweet is this promise c. Thus Gods Word and Promises were very comforting and refreshing to her very sweet yea sweeter than honey and the honey-comb they were her songs in the house of her pilgrimage better to her than thousands of gold and silver and she rejoyced thereat as one that findeth great spoil Psal 119 54 72 162 111. And by those things as Hezekiah said She lived and in all these things was the life of her spirit Isa 38.16 and she might well say as once the Prophet David and as a precious Saint and dear sister of hers long since formerly said Vnless thy Law had been my delights I should then have perished in my affliction Psal 119.2 And the Word of God is the best Cordial in the world Thus that which supported them both was the Word of God and indeed in several respects * Mrs. Elizabeth Moor sometimes of Aldermanbury London who dyed now many years since and at whose funeral Mr. Calamy preached as she desired on those words Psal 119.92 Which Scrmon with several others on the same Text were long since extant And to them we annexed her evidences for Heaven both these dear Sisters and their cases were much a-like both examples of great affliction as also of extraordinary patience in which they possessed their souls both brought to such a sweet humble submissive frame as to be willing to undergo whatever the Lord was pleas'd to
me betimes an hatred of what was evil and a love of what was good and I then dearly loved those that feared the Lord and spake of what was good but I could not delight in vain Company I was fearful to offend God c. It is good to set out and begin with God betimes I chose God when I was young and then my endeavour was to do what he commanded me and I was grieved when I slipped my greatest sorrow was for sin and nothing troubles me more now than that I ran no swifter then in the ways of God If my work was now to do and my evidences to seek what a sad condition was I in And if I had not spent more time for Heaven when I had time and health and strength it would even sink me now Thus this blessed Saint Remembred her Creatour in the days of her Youth Eccles 12.1 he had her golden age the prime of her Years the chief and choice of her days and who indeed should have these but God who is the best and chiefest of all And there was in her whilst a Child found some good thing towards the Lord God of Israel 1 Kings 14.13 and then even while young and tender she began to seek after the God of her godly Parents 2 Chron. 34.3 whose care it was to train her up betimes in the way she should go and she bare the yoke in her youth and so did not bear the reproach of her youth Lam. 3.27 Jer. 3.19 in neglecting then to do God service and to mind her everlasting concerns when was the chief time for it but had the comfort of her youth And this is Gods due the chief and choice of our days The first of the first fruits were to be offered to God Exod. 23.19 repeated 34 26. and youth is the time which of all times God does chiefly require and most delight in his Soul desires the first ripe fruit Micah 7.1 and early fruits are very acceptable c. God prizes the services of young ones and it exceedingly pleases him to see plants grown up even in their youth Psal 144.12 and he especially bespeaks young ones to give him the heart my Son give me thine heart c. Proverbs 23.26 So my Daughter you young ones c. and this is given as one Reason why that title my Son is so often used in the Book of Proverbs because God does there especially speak to young ones c. and we while young experiencing bounty and kindness from God there 's all the reason he should have duty and service from us Can we while we are young live without him And why therefore should we not then live unto him and as he is the guide of our youth so make him the God of our youth and truly our whole time is so short all our days so few but as an hands breadth Psal 39.5 that God may well have all and a poor pittance too for him who intends an eternity of felicity for us O how many have repented they began no sooner but who ever repented for beginning so soon And is it not safest to begin betimes is not youth the seasonning age And does not the vessel retain longest the savour of what it is first seasoned with When Children grow crooked at first while young they are hardly ever set straight again afterwards Few instances of old ones converted c. Besides old age says one is the time to spend grace Youth to get it old age to reap the fruit of Holiness youth to sow the seed of it and are not young ones in their youth dedicated and consecrated to God by virtue of their Baptism and is it not Sacriledg to impropriate the service of that to sin and Satan that is dedicated to God And do not young ones die as well as old and are there not Skulls in Golgotha of all sizes How many are taken away in the very prime of their days and flower of their age And young ones must appear before God at the great day of judgment as well as elder I saw the dead says John both small and great stand before God Rev. 20.12 they were all there c. And how well was it therefore for this precious Soul she began so soon 2. As concerning her sense of sin and sorrow for her soul-distempers THE distempers of my body trouble me and I am ready to complain because of pain but they do not sad me but the distempers of my soul they much sad me yea even sink me I am very much troubled with this body of sin and death and that I can do and receive no more good When I pray for health and the removing of the distempers of my Body then methinks I pray but slenderly in comparison but when I pray for the removing of the distempers of my Soul then I pray most earnestly so that when I have begun I know not how as it were to make an end yea I am so earnest in desiring God to cure the one that I am ready to forget to beg of him the cure of the other Sorrow for other things makes me sleep the more but when it is for sin I cannot sleep but the night is as the day Going once to a Lecture and hearing a Minister speaking of the signs of a Child of God and he answering a Christians complaint as concerning his sins But how says he dost thou wear them as a Gold chain or ornament or as an Iron chain and as Fetters that manacle thee and as that thou would'st fain be rid of c This though very sad and much troubled before so that she was loath to have gone What should such a one as I do going I shall but fill up room and do no good c. Yet this so comforted her that said she I even laughed for joy and though going late I stood all the while yet after that I was not weary I am much troubled at my unbelief impatiency And she being once in a special manner but tempted to a sin she had such an abhorrency thereof that it eaus'd her as she told me to shed a Thousand tears and it was as if a Sword had been run into her c. And how often did she complain not of her sikness but sius c 3. As concerning Satans temptations and his fierce onsets formerly WHen I was very young I had sometimes neglected prayer and I dream'd one night the Devil was pulling me to Hell and I trembled and quak'd and methoughts I was even at the Pits brink but some Scriptures comforted me and afterward to prevent the same I would get Scriptures by heart when I went to bed Satan hath often formerly much troubled me and I have been afraid of that roaring Lyon that when I went to sleep he would devour me but the Lord methoughts told me though he was mine enemy yet he was in Chains and so I have found him me thought I saw him at
me if my work was done to be gone c. I am afraid lest I should desire to dye to be freed of my pains but I would desire to dye out of love to God and that I may injoy him and be rid of sin more than sorrow and then our graces shall be perfect knowledg perfect love perfect c. 17. As concerning her being above the fears of death SOmetimes formerly she has not though seemingly near to death been so willing to dye but would say Will not God make me more willing to dye before I dye Surely he will I have been more willing c. And so he did in this her last sickness whereby we might have foreseen her death to have been near Asking her whither she was not afraid of death she replied no I am not I do not look upon death singly but as it brings me to rest I must go through that dark entry before I can get to my Fathers house I shall go to my first husband c. Methoughts I saw death as a Messenger coming for me and I told him I would go with him I thought I should have died such a day and methoughts I was troubled to think of living When she was in pain she used to say Is not the sound of his Masters feet behind Physick won't do c. And this she speak as being little concerned therewith She said of her sickness these are but Messengers to bid me prepare c. I bless God I can smile on that grim Messenger God will send his Angels to conduct me safe through that dark entry to my Fathers House A Child is afraid to go through a dark place by himself but God says Fear not for I am with thee c. I am not afraid of death but my passage to my fathers House is rough But having gotten so far onward in my way I am loath to go back again If that sweet Messenger come I will bid him wellcome and shall rejoyce and if you love me indeed you will rejoyce too I am no more afraid of Death than to take the choicest Cordial that is for my good for so is death and I look through it and beyond it and long to be with my dear Lord and Saviour My Children are loath to look out my burial-clothes but they are my wedding-clothes and I hope my Bridegroom is not far of c. Telling her of a friend that would come to see her she replied she will come to my burial Why said I saist thou so She answered why should I not comfort my self that I am going home I long to be at home we shall meet again How sweet will that sleep be when I shall wake in Heaven Seeing one of her Daughters weep why says she weep you would you not have me go to my Father He is sending his holy Angels for me Are they not all ministring spirits sent forth to minister for them who shall be beirs of salvation Heb. 1.14 I have one night less I bless God to be here where is sin and sorrow Seeing Cordial-water brought for her she said she hoped she should not live to drink up half that water and being to take a Powder she asked if it was to sweeten her passage then she would take it but not to stay it but what God will I can scarce swallow my spittle a comfortable forerunner I hope of death And her pains falling into her joynts she rejoycingly said there was something further to help her forward to her journeys end Death is indeed a sowre Messenger but my Fathers Messenger to fetch me home She speaking of her death and how she would have things ordered at her Funeral she spake thereof with a great deal of joy and rejoycing but perceiving me to be troubled she looked smilingly upon me and said I can with as much joy yea with more joy speak of my burial-clothes than ever the day before I was married I could of my wedding-clothes I shall be cloth'd with the White Robe of Christs righteousness and have a Diadem upon my head c. 18. Some few of her breathings as in reserence to her self SHould I not make my moan to my God The Lord give me more patience that I may not dishonour him now at last my God teach me teach me as well as correct me strengthen me c. I want nothing but a thankful fruitful heart an heart more humble holy and more to honour God I would have more grace more faith patience meekness humility more of Heaven more holiness more likeness to God and I beg praiers that the Lord would fit me for what his will is concerning me and inable me to bear what he is pleas'd to lay upon me I am weak but he is strong my strength fails but his never fails Good Lord help me to be still carrying on my great work c. And oh that I might lose nothing in this hot furnace but dross But why say I hot It is no other than what my Father sees good and all shall work together for my good if my corruptions hinder not I am so afraid they should but I earnestly desire they may not and I hope the Lord will rather answer my desires than let it be according to my fears Lead me to the rock that it higher than I. The good Lord fiâ— us for what his good pleasure is and for the greatest trials that can come Here we have no continuing City the good Lord help us to be seeking one to come a City that hath foundations c. The Lord fit us for the day of our death that it may be a good day to us The good Lord sanctifie all his fatherly corrections to me and grant I may by all be made the more meet to partake of the inheritance of the Saints in light that we may live to honour our good God all our days that so when our Lord comes we may be found of him in peace The Lord help us to get our hearts into an heavenly frame that our meditations may be more of those things that concern our souls and will sland us in stead to all eternity c. 19. Some of her Speeches to and Prayers for her Husband as in reference to himself and Children formerly MY Dear be not melancholly but still wait upon God rest quietly upon him he that hath fed us cloth'd us and provided for us will still I hope do it My Dear be not sad or troubled but cast thy burdens upon the Lord he will sustain thee The good lord help us to exercise faith and patience O that we could live more a life of faith and holiness and more sweetly and freely depend upon our good God who never fails his poor Children in any time of need O let us cast all our care upon God who hath and will care for us and ours God hath been a long while weaning thee from me we must part but we shall after a little while