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A38449 Englands vanity or The Voice of God against the monstrous sin of pride, in dress and apparel wherein naked breasts and shoulders, antick and fantastick garbs, patches, and painting, long perriwigs, towers, bulls, shades, curlings, and crispings, with an hundred more fooleries of both sexes, are condemned as notiriously unlawful. With pertinent addresses to the court, nobility, gentry, city and country, directed especially to the professors in London / by a compassionate conformist. Compassionate conformist. 1683 (1683) Wing E3069; ESTC R32945 62,360 146

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Nations England hath scraped together and in a Bravery put it on the Estimation whereof is little a light wavering mind matched with a vain proud Heart desireth a light vain strange proud and monstrous Apparrel to cover and clad it but Sobriety is content with that which is seemly And in his Sermon before the Parliament recommending this one evil to their prudent considerations as fit to be redress'd being so dangerous and very grievous As our principal care must be for the higher matters Sincerity and Vnity in Religion so may we not pass over other matters which need redress Gorgeous Apparel and sumptuous Diet may seem small things but they are the causes of no small evil They eat up England and are therefore to be repressed by strait Laws And elsewhere in a Sermon before the Queen he expresseth himself pathetically and it is worth your noting Ezechiel teacheth that the Sins of Sodom that Sink of Sin were Idleness fullness of Bread Pride and unmercifulness to the poor Are not these the Sins of this Land of this City of this Court at this day Half England liveth idly or worse occupied we be fed to the full and who is not puffed up with Pride And who relieveth his Neighbours wants No man is contented with his own Estate but every one striveth to climb higher and to sit aloft there is want of the true fear of God in all sorts and Estates and Ages yet we please our selves and walk on as if God either saw not our Sin or else would not punish it Surely our Sins will not suffer his Plagues to stay long from us What Plagues I dare not presume to Prophesie for God hath kept that secret to himself But I stand in fear that we are the men to whom Christ saith The Kingdom of God shall be taken from you That we are they whose Sins will bring the Scepter of this Kingdom into the hands of an Hypocrite Know Reader that this was when the Papists expected so highly the Return of their Religion at the Death of Queen Elizabeth And that made the heart of this good man so bleed in that consideration he goeth on If God in his Justice do this ●o worth us most wretched men The Loss of the Gospel is the Loss of our Souls and the Loss of our Soveraign the Loss of our Lives Truly when I fall into consideration of the wickedness of this world that all sorts of men fall to sinning with greediness that in all conditions Iniquity doth abound and Charity wax cold that the Zeal of God is utterly dried up in the Hearts of Men that God is served for Fashion sake and not in truth what should I think but that God hath gathered his Lap full of Plagues and is ready to pour them down upon us And thus you see how God hath stirred up his Faithful Prophets to drop down their testimony against this poor Sinful Land for the Pride and prophaness thereof in that Age. Let us come down to King James his time and see whether the matter be any whit amended and one might justly expect it because they lay under the obligations of a new mercy in disappointing the expectations of the Enemies of the Gospel by the coming in of a Protestant Prince who so zealously by his Learned Pen contended for the Truth But we shall find this Vanity still triumphing in its full vaunt and Glory and I shall not disparage so holy a Witness as Bishop Sands by subjoyning a mean or unworthy Person to him but will call forth the sweet spirited and excellent Bishop Hall to give us his Evidence against the Pride of that Age wherein he Lived and besides others which I omit I will shew to what height the Women were grown at that time from a Sermon of his Preached at the Spittle O God to what a world of Vanity hast thou served us to I am ashamed to think that the Gospel of Christ should be disguised with such disguised Clients are they Christians or Anticks in some Carnaval or Childrens Puppets that are thus dressed Pardon I beseech you Men Brethren and Fathers this my just and holy impatience VVho can without indignation look upon the prodegies which this mis-imagination produces in that other Sex to the shame of their Husbands and scorn of Religion and damnation of their own Souls Imagine one of our Forefathers were alive again and should see one of those his Gay Daughters walk in Cheap-side before him what do you think he would think it were Here is nothing to be seen but a Vardingale a yellow Ruff and a Perriwigg with perhaps some Feathers waving in the top three things for which he could not tell how to find a Name Sure he could not but stand amazed to think what new Creature the times had yeilded since he lived and then if he should run before her to see if by the foresight he might guess what it were when his eyes should meet with a powdred Frizzle a painted Hide shadowed with a Fan not more painted Breasts displayed and a loose Lock swing wantonly over her Shoulders betwixt a painted Cloth and Skin how would he more bless himself to think what mixture in Nature could be guilty of such a Monster Is this the Flesh and Blood thinks he is this the hair Is this the shape of a VVoman Or hath Nature repented of her work since my days and begun a new Frame It is no marvel if their Forefathers could not know them God himself that made them will never acknowledg that he never made the Hair that he never made theirs the Body that is ashamed of the Maker the Soul that thus disguises the Body Let me say therefore to these Dames as Bennet said to Totilaes Servant Lay down that you wear it is none of your own All the world knows that no man will rough-cast a Marble VVall but mud or unpolished Rags that false art instead of mending Nature mars it But if our perswasions cannot prevail hear this ye Garish Popingays of our time if you will not be ashamed to Cloath your selves in this shameless Fashion see how the Spirit of this Meek Moses raiseth into indignation against this madness that all the world knew to be so mild and tender of it self God shall Cloath you with shame and confusion hear this ye plaister-faced Jezebels God will one day wash them off with Fire and Brimstone See Reader what a Faithful Witness this holy and excellent man was for God against the Pride and Folly of that day To this famous Witness for God Let us adjoin another of his own Order as Zealous and Faithful as himself the worthy Bishop King who bears his Testimony for God against the Rage of this folly that Ruffled so proudly Throw away your Robes and costly Cap●●isons You Kings and Queens of the Earth You that are not so by the Ordinance of God but by your own Usurpation that take such honour upon you not
as these that great St. Austin in one of his Epistles to Possidius gives him this necessery charge Tom. 2. Epist 37. ad Possid Nolo ut de Ornamentis Auri vel vestis preproperam habeas in prohibendo sententiam Be not rash in passing too hasty a Judgment against the Ornaments of the Rich And some perhaps will but smile at the Decree of an ancient Councel of the Church assembled at Gangra That anathematizes those who shall be so rude and audacious to censure or control the Apparrel of great and superiovr Persons Qui cum Reverentia Birrhis usi fuerint and the ground of that Curse saith Balsamon was this Because such are cloathed not propter molliciem sed propter professionem not from any Luxury but distinction Be not jealous Reader that I have forgotten my design or am become Prides Advocate 'T is every where seen that Platoe's rich Gown covers a more humble mind than the Cynicks Frieze Pride is a disease that breads in course and branney Spirits the very Scrapings of dame Natures trough and blisters ever from the corruptest blood 'T is Humility is the Glory of the Great and the Noble their only unalterable Dress that is ever in fashion amongst them The very Rubies they wear would wax pale at the draught of that Venom and Pearls themselves would blush for shame at the imputation of such a Foppery What need such to swell that are so Great already or to aspire to a sublime Height when they are born on the Hills of Excellency and break into life like that Emperour Diadumenus with a Diademe of Honour on their forheads and whom the first light salutes into the World as happy as Great Thus while Right Honourable I apologize for you and pay but the Tribute your Vertue and State calls for from every humble Pen. I have plotted all along to merit from you the Innocent Liberty of Insinuating in the most prostrate and submissive posture of Address the following considerations for good Noble minds to contemplate First That as you are fixed by the Generous and only distinguishing bounty of God your great Maker ours in the highest Orbe and to a more abstructed Degree of Happiness and State in the World than were others Licenced to bear a greater Sway and Port and to appear with all your pompous Traines drawing that eyes of the Universe after you by your Gallantry and splendour of Life So that your Honours would ever Remember to give all this but its right Name and the same which the Holy Ghost gives it Acts 25. 23. Where an whole Bench of Great Ones and one of them a King with all their Attendants and Glory appear'd to dazle the eyes of a poor Prisoner at the Bar who yet by the Spirit and Power of the God that spake by him made the best of them tremble as he sate calls all that Lustre But a meer Phantacy 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 A very Gleam and Vain Shew that appeared and vanished together and not so much as the Shaddow of the truer Glory which has weight indeed and is massie exceedingly so and eternal too And this the Royal Prophet well experienced when he left behind him that very proper Lesson for Persons of your Noble Order to meditate on Man in his best estate is altogether Vanity Nor is it unworthy your profoundest thoughts to consider what little Courtship the God of Glory has used towards some very eminent Personages of the Earth by the contemptible characters he has stamped upon them in the sacred Records The Great Antiochus who for his Magnificence was stiled Epiphanes or the Illustrious passes off the stage with the Ignominious impress of a Vile Person Dan. 11. 21. such it seems in Heavens Accounts notwithstanding his worldly Greatness Herod gains no more from our Saviour than the sutable Title of a Fox who so greedily sucked the Blood of the Innocent Baptist Those who push the Innocent with the hornes of oppression are very congenially termed the Bulls of Bashan Jehoiakim Jer. 22. 28. an ill Prince is shav'd into the despicable cut of Coniah as one unworthy to fill up the leaves of his sacred Book with the full sylables of his Name But above all how remarkable is the crowding of at least forty Dukes of the progeny of Esau whom God hated into one short Chapter justling them together three or four into one line seven or eight of them into two Duke Teman Duke Omar Duke Zepho Duke Kenaz c. their whole story lost in the ayre of an empty Title their persons and hopes entred together in the dark vault of eternal Oblivion While yet above a dozen chapters are proved in the deciphering out the Excellencies of but one younger Son of a Plain man that dwelt in Tents and give us the exact memories of his whole life and actions to the Grave Gen. chap. 37. to 50. And the Almighty God make your Honours as Pious and Good as that famous Joseph and your Noble Consorts infinitely more Virtuous than his impure and unkind mistriss Who as if his unnatural Brethren had not shewn cruelty enough to him by stripping him of one Coat and sending him into Exile She must conspire too and tear from him another dismissing him all cold into Prison clad onely in the vest of divine Favour and his own innocency yet anon breaking out into a resplendency outshining the Nobles of the whole Court when we find him wrapt in the Royal Ornaments and the finest Linnen of Egypt Nor had I mentioned this Had it not been the perfect Mirror of your Honours own real story Who must as certainly be devested from all your rich and gay coloured coats that creates so great an Envy in the eyes of the world though the particular Cognizances of your great Fathers kindness and your desolate Bodies sent Captives into the dungeon of death If therefore now ye shall carefully buckle on the secure Coat-Armour of faith and purity to fence your glorious souls from the repeated attempts this Egyptian strumpet the World shall make upon your Chastities Then shall ye undoubtedly most triumphantly appear at the Resurrection of the Just Cloathed with the bright rayes of your Saviours Righteousness and Shining as the Sun for ever and ever But if which God forbid you shall suffer your Noble and more Sublimated Spirits to melt away in the Riots and Luxury of a meritorious bewitching World and this Circe to charm you into the killing slumbers of security and death should you pass into an ungrateful and slighting neglect of him whose goodness hath so deeply oblig'd you by the many rich demonstrations of his bounty and kindness then though you should here exalt your selves as the Eagle and Build your Nests among the Stars yet thence will God surely cast you down into Contempt and lay your Honour in the dust Though the whole Creation here be rifled for the furniture of your Tables though the Indian Rocks resign up their sparkling
abate a farthing for the charges we are at for our Poles Our Ancestors were wiser than we who kept this Tax in their Pockets which helpt to maintain their Tables and would hardly have eaten a Crumm had they found but an Hair in their Dish while we are Curling and Powdring up ten thousand that fly into our mouths all dinner and cannot make a Meal in peace for ' um To better purpose would this Hair be employed should we be put to the shifts that once the poor Citizens of Bizantium were when under the extremities of a three years Seige by the Romans and almost ready to perish having occasion to patch up a Fleet under the want of Cordage were fain to make use of the Womens Hair Which they poor Wretches very cheerfuly cut off and gave them to inch out their Tackle and though the whole Navy miscarried by a Storm yet was not their zeal the less laudable who did it for the saving of the City or themselves when ours do it for no good at all 'T is some comfort yet though our City Esquires continues their Heathenish Length which God hath so damn'd in his Word That our wiser Gentry of the Countrey have of late religiously submitted to Circumcision And though they have done it with Sechem in politick design of fair Game Yet would they hunt the brave Doe still the better would they quite lay down her artificial Nets to try how Nature would weave one And they need not fear Absaloms Fate so long as they hunt not a Father 'T was the short Cut of that poor Princes obedience that made his very Hair turn Rebel and hung him up under an Oak to receive the reward of his King-hunting But though Absalom was graced with a Natural Perriwigg that was both his Pride and his Plague yet a good head of Hair is so vulgar a Blessing that we find it as common to the Beggar as the Prince and he that dares not for his Ears boast the glory of his Blood may yet compare with the best in the finess of his Locks The truth is if the House be well furnished within in every Room as it ought the Brain will find wit enough to excuse the unhappy want of a Bush without which seldom prove so fatal to any as poor Aeschilus whose Bald Pate when mistaken by an Eagle for a Stone she let fall a Crab upon the poor Poet and killed him who had ingeniously written the tragedies of others but foresaw not that of his Skull This Age would have taught him to have prevented that strange Accident by covering it over with Moss And though Elisha underwent the reproach of his want of Hair from the Children that more wanted Grace yet had he Shaggie Creatures enough at his Call to punish their insolence with death 'T is strange what Plinie Records of the Romans that they never knew the use of Barber till four hundred fifty four years after the building of their City when in the time of Scipio Affricanus they were first brought in out of Sicily Antea Intonsi fuerunt Before that it seems they hackled off their Locks with their Kniyes But however Rough and Uncomb'd they were then Sure I am they grew Curious and Spruce enough afterwards for Plutarch tells us of the two Boundless Heroes that admitted no Superiour nor Equal The Great Pompey was so nice and effeminate in the formality of his Hair and Sleek Locks that he was noted for scratching his Head with one Finger once suffered a publick Scoff from the impudent Claudus for it in the midst of the Rout of Plebeians who joyned with him to second that Reproach And Suetonius witnesseth of the other that he was so over curious of his Head and Beard Vt non solum conderetur diligenter ac raderetur sed velleretur etiam He would not onely be shaven very precisely but his extravagant Hairs even pluck'd But what shall we think of his Successor Augustus who when he felt the Assaults of Death invading him called for his Looking-glass and commanded his Hair and Beard to be Combed Et Malas Labentes corrigi his Rivell'd Cheeks to be smoothed up then asking his Friends if he had acted his Part well upon the Stage of the World who told him he had Well saith he Vos omnes Plaudite Sure he went off very trimly Homers lofty quill very often sticks in the Long Hair of the Grecians whom he almost everywhere Epithites 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Nor are our Neighbours of France from whom I suppose we have derived it without the known Note of Distinction for this vanity Cometa Gallia and are fam'd to be the Bushy Lock'd French But what the modesty of England hath been in former Ages however vain enough in other Fooleries yet sure the Galleries and Dining-Rooms of our Nobility and Gentry of the Kingdom will abundantly testify from the brave images of their Ancestors whose open ears never valued the coldness of the Winds but which would glow to have heard the monstrousness of their Childrens Ell-Wiggs To look no further back than K. Henries days vvho had face enough for tvvo Kings and Wives enough for three and yet Hair little enough too vve may easily collect vvhat vvas the general Cut from an act of the Lord Cromwell vvho meeting a fellovv in Cheap-side vvith his Locks somevvhat too long commanded him avvay to the Barbers forthvvith for the execution of his Scissars Who also threatned to lay him by the Heels and humble his Feet vvho prided himself so much in his Head And Wise King James vvho knevv vvell enough vvhat belonged to his Health had an open Ear to the brave Cry of his Hounds as vvell as the complaints of his people refrained not one hunting-Match vvhich gave him hopes of Sport out of dread that he should pay dearly for it the next day by a Cold. The Noble Prince Henry vvho had he lived had played the Barber as sometime Commodus the Emperour vvas vvont not have shaven the Crovvn of Popery onely but even have cut off the very Ears and Noses of the Priests from ever having hopes of smelling out the old Monasteries again and surely Chelsey Colledge vvas pretended to be the Shop for that execution this brave Prince follovved his great Father and gave his Ears to his Councel and Cut together And 't is impossible but the great influence of so Illustrious Presidents should prevail vvith the vvhole people to follovv the Royal Example of so great a King and so good a Prince in that Age. And doubtless the same had continued till this day had not a violation happened to that excellent custom if I mistake not from this occasion The Puritans in the Reign of the Royal Martyr to distinguish themselves from their Neighbours took on them an extraordinary short Cut and their Neighbours in opposition to them espoused a long one because they would not be reputed Round-heads and in nothing outwardly were the two