that if I would I cannot find it out Or is it that few of us can look on our Wounded Soules with that patience as on the soules of others Like some Chyrurgians that I have seene faint at a scar of their owne yet could unmoved either feare or scarrifie or launce the flesh of others Or to looke no farther for it Are we else in that strait which Bishop Anselme was in his Meditations when he cryes out Gravis Angustia Si me inspicio non tolero meipsum si non nescio meipsum si me considero terret me facies mea si non fallit me damnatio mea si me video horror est si non video mors What shall I d ee If I looke into my selfe I shall not endure my selfe if not I shall not know my selfe If I consider what I am the face of my sins affrights me if not my damnation steales upon me to see my self is horror not to see my selfe is death But what ever the betraying motives are the effect I am sure is dangerous For he that willingly puts out the Taper of his Conscience the Candle which God hath set there for him to see himselfe by let him know that he is passing from that voluntary darknesse to a worse that like an Offender on the Scaffold he doth but blind his eyes to have his head cut off But Saint Augustines Prayer shall goe along with me Noverim me Domine noverim te Let me know my selfe O God so shall I know thee In my Afflictions what ever become of my other friends let me have at least my Soule to talk to May Sinne never divorce us nor the Devil never make us strangers That when Thou shalt set me up for a marke for all thine Arrowes when thou shalt fill me with bitternesse and cover me with sorrowes I may not then feare to aske Why art thou cast downe O my soule and why art thou c. It was a Proverbiall speech among the Jewes when they would Characterize an extravagant Busie-body to say of him Ben-Zoma nunquam est domi This man is never at home But God loves no such straglers you shall heare him call to his people by his Prophet Esay Come my people enter into your chambers shut the doores upon you But Quaenam ista cubicula saith Saint Augast nisi ipsa corda What are these Chambers that God calls us to but our owne hearts What is it to shut the doores upon us but to shut out the world Yea but this is not all I have heard of men that have barr'd and lock'd and bolted doores upon themselves and yet all that while have been playing with a feather or with some thoughts as light Therefore in the fourth Psalme God goes farther In cubilibus vestris compungimini as the Old Translation hath it Or as our Bibles render it Examine or Commune with your owne hearts in your chambers Yea but this is not enough neither for the foole could doe as much he could commune with his owne soule Soule thou hast much goods laid up for many yeeres Live as ease therefore eate drinke and be merry take thy pleasure The ambitious man can doe as much he can talke of such an honour such a preferment as if he now enjoy'd it But this is not the Argument we are to treat on this is not to shut out the world to have so much of the world within us The Roman that Seneca speaks of had a better way then this to keep his soule as cleane as good Huswives keep their Plate for every night he look'd into it wiping off the dust clearing the spots of it examining it on severall Interrogatories Quod malum hodie sanasti cui vitio obstitisti quâ parte melior es Tell me my soule What sin hast thou this day conquer'd what passion hast thou powerfully resisted how art thou improved since the morning or how decayed But when he had done this when he had made this accompt with the day O qualis somnus quam altus quam tranquillus how sweet a sleep did ever follow how innocent I how untroubled What think you beloved Shall not this Morall Heathen rise up in judgement against them that lie downe in their beds as the beast doth in the Litter without any such enquiry made upon themselves nay without so much as bidding their owne soules Good night Or shall he not rise against them who when God visits them with crosses have a conceipt they can drowne their griefe in excesse of Wine or out-roare their Conscience with loud Instruments calling for company when they should call for Prayers Businesses or sport or any thing rather then their owne soules that troubled them The Jews had a custome indeed to give them Wine that were to suffer death that they might lesse feele their torments a custome not yet out-dated in some Forraigne Parts at Executions But it is observable that when they offered our Saviour Wine at his Passion he received it not but when they gave him Vinegar he took it Not because the Wine was bitter of the Myrrhe as many of the Interpreters conceive for Vinum Myrrhanum or Myrrhinum as Plantus calls it may be sweet Wine for any thing I find But the reason rather was if we beleeve Saint Chrysostome that that Wine being of a stupifying quality the Sonne of God that took on him all our sorrowes He would be sensible of every naile that pierc'd his hands or feet of every thorn that ran into his head And was he sensible of his sorrowes and shall not we be sensible of our sinnes that caused those sorrows Shall we still deale with our souls as Women when they grow old deale with their Looking-glasses turning the wrong side towards them How comes it else that we that have the courage to dare to sin have not the courage to look back on our souls when we have sinned Had we the least wound in the Body we should not sleep till we had seene it drest But we have Soules all mangled over ulcerated with Lust impostumated with Malice wounded with Temptations yet as the Levite passed by the wounded man so every man passeth by his owne soule too not so much as asking bow it came hurt But how shall I move thee wretched and carelesse finner Shall I tell thee that as thy soule is an immortall substance so the wages of thy sinne is as Immortall as thy soule an immortall and everlasting death That in the next life thou shalt see thy selfe with trembling if in this life thou turnest away thine eye in wilfulnesse But I forbeare It is an argument that concerns us all so nearly that I will not doubt but it hath already made impression That there are some here that by this time are beginning a Dialogue with their soules that are resolved to renew their acquaintance with them You have a Royall Example for it I am sure for you have no lesse then a King that hath led
leave therefore of these foure waies to make a short description which when I have done let every one of you tell his owne soule in which of these paths he now is travelling First to the most beaten way Tranquilla non Bona the quiet Conscience not the Good I may safely say Hell gets more Passengers by this path then by any which makes the Devil so carefull in the dressing it that he wil not leave a small pible in the way nor an uneven mole-hill to offend thee as if he had bin once one of those Angels to whom God had given the Charge that thou shouldst not hurt thy foot against a stone If thou chance to travell on the way he sings to thee if to sleep he sits by thee whispering as softly as the Spouse to the Daughters of Jerusalem though to a far worse end I charge you O you Tormentors of the heart that you stir not up nor awake my beloved untill he please Let there be no outcrie of sorrow no noise of feare no alarme sounded of Repentance but Peace peace Lie downe lie downe in peace with thy warme sins cleaving to thy bosome This is the opium these are the charmes by which so many souls are laid asleep but if ever sleep were the true image of death this is the sleep Saint Hierome knew the danger of it when he made that passionate exclamation O qualis Tempestas ista Tranquillitas what storme so cruell as this calme what rock what shipwrack None Let thy winds rage O God and the sea roare let the waves of thy punishments like Mountains fall upon me split and teare and sink this vessel of my flesh rather then ever to let my soule be thus becalmed We read that the Grecians had an Hill so high above that region of the ayre where Winds are bred that he that had drawn his name in the ashes of the last years sacrifices might the next year at his return find the same Letters un-blowne away but if any ones heart here be so calmly seated that the Devil may at this instant read in the sluttish dust of it the sins which long agoe he wrote there if no thunder have clear'd the ayre about thee nor no wind scatter'd those guilty Characters if all be hush'd silence and rest and sleep about the Conscience like the Country of the Sibarites where not so much as a Cock the Remembrancer of Saint Peter was left alive to trouble them If so know then that as long as this soule is thus benum'd thy God hath given thee over he will not so much as favour thee with a frown or blesse thee with his anger It may be true that perhaps thou doest not feel thy misery but therefore the more wretched in Saint Augustine's judgment because thou doest not feel it for Quid miserius misero non miserante seipsum Cleopatra that had not a mind to feel her death poyson'd her self with Aspes that she might die sleeping and just so is thy state thy habituall customary sinnes those which thou drinkest down like water as if they were no sins these are the Aspes that doe benumme thy soule as cold poyson doth the brain that casts thee into a sleep never to be awakened till the Worm that never sleeps awake thee But shall I leave thee so As the quartan Ague is call'd opprobrium Medici the shame of the Physitian so this dead sleep this Lethargie of sinne may be opprobrium Theologi the shame of the Divine I confesse I never liked those that put so much Vineger in their Sermons as if their onely errand were to eate out the hearts of their hearers so much of the Law as if the Gospel were not yet given for though bitter pills may be good physick yet he that should let his Patient eate no other meat then pills would prove a mad Physitian yet for all this something of bitternesse doth well there must be a searching of the wound before there be a skinning Feare not then thy remedy O my soule but if thou findest this hardnesse this stupidity this senslesnesse within thee get thee to Mount Ebal see the Curses that were given there if they wound not deep enough adde to these some few serious thoughts of Hell of the utter darknesse the eternall fire the everlasting Worme But when thou hast done this doe not dwell there but be sure to look upward again to thy Saviour Downe with thy knees though thy heart be stiffe up with thy Hands at least to Heaven though thy soule stir not hope in thy God against hope as Abraham did get out but an ejaculation a piece a word of prayer ever cleaving to the Rock of thy salvation Christ Jesus till from the clefts of that blessed Rock thou hear his Mercy answer thee for so in stead of a quiet conscience but not a good God will give thee a good Conscience though for a time unquiet turning thee out of this sleepy way of Nabal into the sighing way of David which gives us the next prospect of the Conscience Bona non Tranquilla a Good but not a Quiet It is a Maxime in Philosophy that no Element is heavy in the proper place of it For should we dive into the bottome of the Sea we should not feele the weight of all those waves that roul upon us but out of the Ocean to carry a small pitcher of that water would prove a burden The like experiment we may finde in our selves as long as we are in the Proper place the Element of sinne we do not feele the weight of it but once being out the easiest sinne seemes heavy We then start at a sinfull thought who before would have leaped confidently from that thought into the action Or have we gone farther then thought have we actually offended Instantly our hearts strike us we complain we grieve we melt into repentance our very Souls are disquieted within us But let us take heede we do not alwayes measure Gods anger by this disquiet for the disquiet may be the meanes to take away his anger T is true that there are sinnes of infirmity that will still creep upon us there will be a continuall fight of the flesh against the spirit But yet if with an unfeigned reluctancy we can then but cry either as this Prophet did O that I had the wings of a dove that I might flie away and be at rest or as the Apostle did O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from the body of this death assure your self you shall not die Sin may hang upon you as the Viper did upon S. Pauls hand but poyson you it cannot It may bring a damnability as the Schoole speakes but not damnation Yea but this is not all Doth not God sometimes would deep the hearts of them he loves Doth he not leave them in the sense of his bitter wrath Hath not this Saint of his felt as much when he was enforced to cry Will
the way He it is that begins the accompt commends the Inquisition to you If therefore any trouble arise away every one of you to his owne home discusse examine commune with thy self Why art thou cast downe O my soule and why art thou disquieted c. Having done therefore with the examination in generall the Parties the Manner the Necessity Our next work must be to survey the first interrogatory Why art thou cast downe O my soule Sorrow is Sin 's Eccho which made the Prophet say Peccata nostra responderunt nobis our sins have answer'd and as it were ecchoed to us But as the Eccho answers not the voice so well as where there are broken walls and ruined buildings to return it so neither doth Sorrow answer unto sin unlesse reverberated by a broken a ruined heart For I have read of a melancholy man that could not believe he had an Head till his Physitian having made a Leaden hat for him with the weight of that forced him to crie out O his head so there are men amongst us so lost in sensuall pleasure so buried in their flesh that til mischief like sheets of lead be thrown upon them to squeez out a Confession they have much adoe to remember that they have a Soule within them Not to go farther then this Prophet for an Instance when almost an whole yeare as Cajetan computes the time he lay asleep in the dregs of his sin his foule adultery with Uriahs Wife where was his sorrow or where then was his Soule well then might he crie out O his Body saith S. Augustine but ô his Soule was cleane forgotten nay they farther had a conceipt that during all that time Ipsa anima Davidis transierat in carnem the very Soule of David was turned into flesh But no sooner did God begin to shake his rod over him to punish him with the ravishing of his Daughter the murder of one Son the rebellion of another but instantly we find him mourning as a Turtle chattering as a Crane sitting alone as a Sparrow on the house top The Devil had given him a Fall but he felt not that Sin had given him many but he felt not them neither At last God undertook him he at whose very word the mountains smoake he threw him downe and this fall onely made him feel all the rest This onely made him crie Why art thou cast downe O my soule It is memorable in Job that upon the ill news that was brought him instantly surrexit Job saith the Text when one would have thought he would rather have swounded and fallen downe for grief then he arose But we find our Prophet in another kind of posture dejected prostrate cast downe in his more noble part yet S. Hierome goes not so far who translates it according to Symmachus Why art thou bowed downe Affliction is a burden true but though it bow us yet we may stand under it But sin is a burden that goes beyond the extent of that word that doth not onely bow but cast us downe which makes Saint Chrisostome say Nihil est grave nisi peccatum that nothing is heavy but sin nothing so heavy as to cast us down not poverty not sicknesse not disgrace nor any thing that the wit of sullennesse or melancholy can devise As for such afflictions as those Know you not saith Saint Paul that all ye that are baptized into Jesus Christ are baptized into his death that is saith Saint Hierome as into his faith so into his sufferings too so that it is part of our engagement in our Baptisme Besides think of it well and what is there in that Cup of bitternesse which thy Saviour hath not tasted for prior bibit Medicus ut bibere non dubitaret aegrotus saith Saint Augustine He began to thee in all to encourage thee to follow him nay to thy comfort Ambrose adds a degree farther Non tam haec ante te quam pro te sustulit His sufferings were not onely before thee but for thee Wouldst not thou think him a strange Physitian who when he came to cure thee of a Feaver should himself drink up the Potion Yet thus did thy Saviour Thine was the sicknesse but he that was not sick he kept the diet Thine the feaver but it was he that sweat Thine the Plurisie but 't was he that bled for it Who then can consider this without erecting his dejected Soule at least without a serious inquisition into the reason of this melancholy For be not deceived God is not alwaies taken with the head that hangs downe with the folded armes or with the melting eyes For instance when God told Ezekiel that he would shew him a strange abomination what was it but Behold there sate a Woman weeping for Adonis for Tammuz faith our translation for so according to Saint Hierome the Hebrews named the Adonis of the Heathen for as Venus mourned for her lost Adonis so sinners for their pleasures when they are either snatch'd from them or out-dated The exhausted Adulterer whose lust outlives his body that mournes not for having offended God but for not being able to offend him longer he is one of those plangentes He againe that hath his wealth taken from him the occasion of his ryot that is temperate only because he is needy and sorry because he is either he is another Mourner of the train so that you see there may be a kind of wantonnesse in Grief an effeminatenesse of the mind that melts upon all occasions But consider I beseech you the value of the Soule that is thus cast downe That your Sights are the breath of Heaven your Teares are the wine of Angels your Groanes the Eccho's of the Holy Ghost that therefore to imploy this sacred Treasure in prophane expences to lay it out on the trifles of this world is a Sin no lesse then Sacriledge Be therefore more thrifty of your sorrow for the time may come when you shall want those sighs which now so impertinently you throw away nay saith Bonaeventure should the Devil set thee on that Pinacle where he had our Saviour should he offer thee all the Kingdomes of the whole world for one Teare to be spent in his service O doe not give it him for on thy death-bed for that One Teare perhaps thou wouldst give a thousand worlds Think of this ye that feel the heavinesse of your Soul think of it ye that doe not for ye may feel it Know there is a sorrow that worketh repentance not to be repented of Know againe there is a sorrow that worketh Death Remember there were tears that got sinfull Mary heaven Remember again there were tears that could get Esau nothing For as in Martyrdome it is not the sword the boyling lead or fire not what we suffer but why that makes us Sufferers so in our sorrows it is not how deep they wound but why that justifies them Let every one therefore that hath a troubled heart aske his