comfort which wee might haue in our first sicknesse from that meditation Alas how generally miserable is Man and how subiect to diseases for in that it is some degree of comfort that wee are but in the staâ—e common to all we fall I say to this discomfort and selfe accusing selfe condemning Alas how vnprouident and in that how vnthankfull to God and his instruments am I in making so ill vse of so great benefits in destroying so soone so long a worke in relapsing by my disorder to that from which they had deliuered mee and so my meditation is fearefully transferred from the body to the minde and from the consideration of the sicknesse to that sinne that sinfull carelesnesse by which I haue occasioned my relapse And amongst the many weights that aggrauate a relapse this also is one that a relapse proceeds with a more violent dispatch and more irremediably because it finds the Countrie weakned and depopulated before Vpon a sicknesse which as yet appeares not wee can scarce fix a feare because wee know not what to feare but as feare is the busiest and irksomest affection so is a relapse which is still ready to come into that which is but newly gone the nearest obiect the most immediate exercise of that affection of fearâ— 23. EXPOSTVLATION MY God my God my God thou mightie Father who hast beene my Physitian Thou glorious Sonne who hast beene my physicke Thou blessed Spirit who hast prepared and applied all to mee shall I alone bee able to ouerthrow the worke of all you and relapse into those spirituall sicknesses from which your infinite mercies haue withdrawne me Though thou O my God hâ—ue filled my measure with mercie yet my measure was not so large as that of thy whole people the Nation the numerous and glorious nation of Israel and yet how often how often did they fall into relapses And then where is my assurance how easily thou passedst ouer many other sinnes in them and how vehemently thou insistedst in those into which they so often relapsed Those were their murmurings against thee in thine Instruments and Ministers and their turnings vpon other gods and embracing the Idolatries of their neighbours O my God how slipperie a way to how irrecouerable a bottome is murmuring and how neere thy selfe hee comes that murmures at him who comes from thee The Magistrate is the garment in which thou apparellest thy selfe and hee that shoots at the cloathes cannot say hee meant no ill to the man Thy people were feareful examples of that for how often did their murmuring against thy Ministers end in a departing from thee when they would haue other officers they would haue other gods and still to daies murmuring was to morrowes Idolatrie As their murmuring induced Idolatrie and they relapsed often into both I haue found in my selfe O my God O my God thou hast found it in me and thy finding it hath shewed it to me such a transmigration of sinne as makes mee afraid of relapsing too The soule of sinne for wee haue made sinne immortall and it must haue a soule The soule of sinne is disobedience to thee and when one sinne hath beene dead in mee that soule hath passed into another sinne Our youth dies and the sinnes of our youth with it some sinnes die a violent death and some a naturall pouertie penurie imprisonment banishment kill some sinnes in vs and some die of age many waies wee become vnable to doe that sinne but still the soule liues and passes into another sinne and that that was licentiousnesse growes ambition and that comes to indeuotion and spirituall coldnesse wee haue three liues in our state of sinne and where the sinnes oâ— youth expire those of our middle yeeres enter and those of our age after them This transmigration of sinne found in my selfe makes me afraid O my God of a Relapse but the occasion of my feare is more pregnant â—han so for I haue had I haue multiplied Relapses already Why O my God is a relapse so odious to thee Not so much their murmuring and their Idolatry as their relapsing into those sinnes seemes to affect thee in thy disobedient people They limited the holy one of Israel as â—hou complainest of them That was a murmuring but before thou chargest them with the fault it selfe in the same place thou chargest them with the iterating the redoubling of â—hat fault before the fault was named How oft did they prouoke mee in the Wildernesse and grieue me in the Desart That which brings thee to that exasperation against them as to say that thou wouldest breake thine owne oath rather than leaue them vnpunished They shall not see the land which I sware vnto their fathers was because they had tempted thee ten times infinitely vpon that thou threatnest with that vehemencie if ye do in any wise goe backe know for a certainty God will no more driue out any of these Nations from before you but they shall be snares and traps vnto you and scourges in your sides and thornes in your eies till ye perish No tongue but thine owne O my GOD can expresse thine indignation against a Nation relapsing to Idolatry Idolatry in any Nation is deadly but when the disease is complicated with a relapse a knowledge and a profession of a former recouerie it is desperate And thine anger workes not onely where the euidence is pregnant and without exception so thou saiest when it is said That certaine men in a Citie haue withdrawne others to Idolatrie and that inquirie is made and it is found true the Citie and the inhabitants and the Cattell are to bee destroied but where there is but a suspicion a rumor of such a relapse to Idolatrie thine anger is awakened and thine indignation stirred In the gouernment of thy seruant Iosua there was a voice that Reuben and Gad with those of Manasseh had built a new altar Israel doth not send one to enquire but the whole congregation gathered to goe vp to warre against them and there went a Prince of euery Tribe And they obiect to them not so much their present declination to Idolatry as their Relapse is the iniquity of Peor too little for vs An idolatry formerly committed and punished with the slaughter of twenty foure thousand delinquents At last Reuben and Gad satisfie them that that Altar was not built for Idolatry but built as a patterne of theirs that they might thereby professe themselues to bee of the same profession that they were and so the Army returned without bloud Euen where it comes not so farre as to an actuall Relapse into Idolatry Thou O my GOD becommest sensible of it though thou who seest the heart all the way preuentest all dangerous effects where there was no ill meaning how euer there were occasion of suspicious rumours giuen to thine Israel of relapsing So odious to thee so aggrauating a weight vpon sinne is a relapse But O my
thoâ— command me to speaâ—â— to thee and commaunâ— me to feare thee and dâ—â— these destroy one anoâ—ther There is no perâ—â—plexity in thee my God 〈◊〉 inextricablenes in theâ— my light my clearnâ—â— my Sun and my Moonâ— that directest me as 〈◊〉 in the night of aduersity and fear as in my day of prosperity confideÌ„ce I must theÌ„ speak to thee at all times but when must I feare thee At all times to WheÌ„ didst thou rebuke any petitioner with the name of Importunate Thou hast propoâ—d to vs a parable of a Iudge that did Iustice at last because the client was Importunate and troubled him But thou hast told vs plainely that thy vse in that parable was not that thou wast troubled with our importunities but as thou sayeâ—â— there That wee should aâ—â—wayes pray And to thâ—â— same purpose thou proâ—posest another that Isâ—â— presse my friend when heâ—â— is in bed at midnight 〈◊〉 lend mee bread though hâ—â— will not rise because I aâ— his friend yet becauseâ— mine importunitie he wilâ—â— God will do this whenâ—soeuer thon askest anâ— neuer call it importunitâ—e Pray in thy bed at midâ—night and God wil nâ—â— say I will heare thee tâ— moâ—row vpon thy knees at thy bed side pray vpon thy knees there then God will not say I will heare thee on Sunday at Church God is no dilatory God no froward God Praier is neuer vnseasonable God is neuer asleep nor absent But O my God can I doe this and feare thee come to thee and speak to thee in all places at all houres and feare thee Dare I aske this question There is more boldnesse in the question then in the comming I may doe itâ— though I feare thee â— cannot doe it except feare thee So well hasâ— thou prouided that wâ— should alwayes feaâ—â— thee as that thou haâ—â— prouided that we sholâ— fear no person but theâ— nothing but thee nâ— men No. Whom Thâ— Lord is my helpe and mâ— saluation whome shall feare Great enemies noâ— great enemies for no â—â—nemies are great to them that feare theeâ— Feare not the people of thâ— lâ—â—d for they are Bread to you They shall not onâ—y not eat vs not eat our bread but they shall bee our Bread Why should we feare them But for all this Metaphoricall Bread victory ouer enemies that thought to deuoure vs may we not feare that we may lack bread literally And feare famine though we feare not enemies Young Lyons do lacke and suffer Hunger but they that seeke the Lord shall not want any good thing Neuer Though it beâ— well with them at onâ— time may they not feaâ— that it may be worseâ— Wherfore should I feare 〈◊〉 the dayes of euill saies thâ— seruant Dauid Thougâ— his own sins had madâ— them euill he feared thâ—â— notâ— No not if this euilâ— determin in death Noâ— though in a deathâ— noâ— though in a death infliâ—ctâ—d by violence by maâ—lice by our own desâ—â—â— feare not the sentence 〈◊〉 death if thou feare God Thou art O my God so far from admitting vs that feare thee to feare others as that thou makest others to feare vs As Herod feared Iohn because hee was a holy and a iust man obserued him How fully then O my abundant God how gently O my sweet my easie God doest thou vnentangle mâ—e in any scruple arising out of the consideration of this thy feare Is not this that which thou intendest when thou sayst The secret of the Lord is with them that feare him The secret thâ— mistery of the right vâ—â— of feare Dost thou noâ— meane this when thoâ— sayest Wee shall vndeâ—â—stand the feare of the Lordâ— Haue it and haue benefâ—â— by it haue it and stanâ— vnder it be directed bâ— it and not bee deiecteâ— with it And dost thoâ— not propose that Churâ—â— for our example wheâ— thou sayest The Churcâ— of Iudea walked in tâ—â— feare of God they haâ— it but did not sit dowâ— lazily nor fall downâ— weakly nor sinke vnder it There is a feare which weakens men in the seruice of God Adam was afrayde because hee was naked They who haue put off thee are a prey to all They may feare for thou wilt laugh when their feare comes vpon them as thou hast tolde them more then once And thou wilt make them feare where no cause of feare is as thou hast told them more then once too There is a feare that is a punishment oâ— former wickednesses induces more Thougâ— some said of thy Sonne Christ Iesus that hee waâ— a good Man yet no Mâ—â— spake openly for feare 〈◊〉 the Iewes Ioseph was hâ—â— Disciple but secretly foâ— for feare of the Iewes Thâ— Disciples kept somâ— meetings but with dores shut for feare of the Iewes O my God thou giuest vs feare for ballast to cary vs stedily in all weathers But thou wouldst ballast vs witâ— such sand as should haue gold in it with that feare which is thy feare for tke feare of the Lord is his treasure Hee that hath that lacks nothing that Man can haue nothing that God does giue Timorous men thou rebukest Why are yee fearfull O yee of little faith Such thou dismissest from thy Seruice with scorne though of them there went from Gideons Army 22000. and remained but 10. Such thou sendest farther then so thitheâ— from whence they nâ—â—uer returne The fearefuâ—â— and the vnbeleeuing iâ—â—â— that burning lake which 〈◊〉 the second death There 〈◊〉 a feare there is a hope which are equall aboâ—minations to thee foâ— they were confounded bâ—â—cause they hoped saies thâ— seruant Iob because they had mis-placed mis-ceâ—tred their hopes they hoped and not in thee anâ— such shall feare and noâ— feare thee Buâ— in thâ— feare my God and my feare my God and my hope is hope and loue confidence and peace and euery limbe and ingredient of Happinesse enwrapped for Ioy includes all and feare and ioy consist together nay constitute one another The women dâ—parted from the sepulchre the women who were made supernumerary Apostles Apostles to the Apostles Mothers of the Church and of the Fathers Grandfathers of the Church the Apostles themselues tâ—e women Angels of the Resurrecâ—â—â—on went from the sepâ—â—â—chre with feare and iâ— they ran sayes the 〈◊〉 and they ran vpon thoâ—â— two legs feare ioy 〈◊〉 both was the right legâ— they ioy in thee O Lorâ— that feare thee and fearâ— thee only who feele thâ—â— ioy in thee Nay thy fearâ—â— and thy loue are inâ—eperable still we are called vpon in infinite places to feare God yet thâ— Commandement which 〈◊〉 the roote of all is Thoâ— shalt loue the Lord thy God â— Hee doeth neither that doth not both hee omits neither that does one Therfore when thy seruant Dauid had said that the feare of the Lord is the beginning of wisedome And his Sonne had repeated it
the wildernes thy Manâ—a bread so conditiond qualified so as that to euery man Manna tasted like that which that man liked best I humbly beseech thee to make this correction which I acknowledg to be part of my daily bread to tast so to me not as I would but as thou wouldest haue it taste and to conform my tast and make it agreeable to thy willâ— Thou wouldst haue thâ— corrections tast of humâ—â—liation but thou wouldest haue them tast â— consolation too taste oâ— danger but tast of assâ—â—rance too As therefore thou hast imprinted in all thine Elements of which our bodies consist two manifest qualities so that as thy fire dries so it heats too and as thy water moysts so it cooles too so O Lord in these corrections which are the elements of our regeneration by which our soules are made thine imprint thy two qualities those two operations that as they scourge vs they may scourge vs into the way to thee that when they haue shewed vs that we are nothing in our selues they may also shew vs that thou art all things vnto vs. When therfore in this particular circuÌ„stance O Lord but none of thy iudgements are circumstances they are all of the substance of thy good purpose vpon vsâ— wheÌ„ in this particular that he whoÌ„ thou hasâ— sent to assist me desires assistants to him thou hast let mee see in how few houres thou cansâ— throw me beyond the helpe of man let me by the same light see that no vehimence of sicknes no tentation of Satan no guiltines of sin no prison of death not this first this sicke bed not the other prison the close and dark graue can remooue me from the determined and good purpose which thoâ— sealed concerning mee Let me think no degree of this thy correction casuall or without signification but yet when I haue read it in that language as it is a correction let me translate it into another and read it as a mercy and which of these is the Originall and which is the Translation whether thy Mercy or thy Correction werâ— thy primary and original inteÌ„tion in this sicknes I cannot conclude though death concludâ— me for as it must necessarily appeare to bee â— correction so I can hauâ— no greater argument oâ— thy mercy then to die iâ— thee and by that death to bee vnited to him who died for me 8. Et Rex ipse suum mittit The King sends his owne Phisician 8. MEDITATION STil when we return to that Meditation that Man is a World we find new discoueries Let him be a world and him self will be the land and misery the sea His misery for misery is his his own of the happinesses euen of this world hâ—e is but tenant but of misery the free-holder of happines hee is but the farmer but the vsufructuary but of misery the Lord the proprietary his misery as the sea swells aboue all the hilles and reaches to the remotest parts of this earth Man who of himselfe is buâ— dust and coagulaâ—ed and kneaded into earth by teares his maâ—teâ— is â—arth his forme misery In this world that is Mankinde the highest ground the emineÌ„test hils are kings and haue they line and lead enough to fadome this sea and say My misery is but this deepe Scarce any misery equal to sicknesse and they are subiect to that equally with their lowest subiect A glasse is not the lesse brittle because a Kings face is represented in it nor a King the lesse brittle because God is represented in him They haue Phisicians continually about them therfore sicknesses or the worst of sicknesses continuall feare of it Are they gods He that calld them so cannot flatter They are Gods but sickâ— gods and God is presented to vs vnder many human affections as faâ— as infirmities God is called angry and sorry and weary and heauy buâ— neuer a sicke God for then hee might die like men as our gods do The worst that they could say in reproch scornâ— of the gods of the HeatheÌ„ was that perchance they were asleepe but Gods that are so sicke as that they cannot sleepe are in an infirmer condition A God and need a Phisician A Iupiter need an Aesulapius that must haue Rhâ—ubarbe to purge his Choller lest he be too angry and Agarick to purge his sâ—â—gme lest he be too drowsie that as Tertullian saies of the Aegyptian gods plants and herbes That God was beholden to Man for growing in his garden so wee must say of these godsâ— Their eternity an eternity of threescore ten yeares is in the Apothecaryes shop and not in the Metaphoricall Deity But their Deitye is betten expressed in their humility then in their â—eighth when abounding and ouerflowing as God in means of doing good they descend as God to a communication of their abundaÌ„ces with men according to their necessities then they are Gods No man is well that vnderstands not that values not his being well that hath not a cheerefulnesse and a ioy in it and whosoeuer hath this Ioy hath a desire to communicate to propagate that which occasions his happinesse and his Ioy to others for euery man loues witnesses of his happinesse and the best witnesses are experimentall witnesses they who haue tasted of that in themselues which makes vs happie It consummateâ— therefore it perfits the happinesse of Kings to confer to transfer honor and riches and as they can health vpon those that need them .8 EXPOSTVLATION MY God may God I haue a warning from the Wise man thaâ— when a rich man speaketh euery man holdeth his tongâ— and looke what hee saith they extoll it to the clouds but if a poore man speake they say what fellowe is this And if hee stumble they will help to ouerthrow him Therefore may my words be vnderualued and my errors aggrauated if I offer to speak of Kings but not by thee O my God because I speak of them as they are in thee of thee as thou art in them Certainly those men prepare a way of speaking negligently or irreuerently of thee that giue themselues that liberty in speaking of thy Vice-gerents Kings for thou who gauest Augustus the Empire gauest it to Nero to and as Vespasian had it from thee so had Iulian Though Kings deface in themselues thy first image in their owne soule thou giuest no man leaue to deface thy second Image imprinted indelibly in their power But thou knowest O God that if I should be slacke in celebrating thy mercies to mee exhibited by that royall Instrumentâ— my Souâ—raigne to many other faults that touch vpon Allegiance I should add the worst of all Ingratitude which constiâ—utes an il man faults which are defects in any particular sunction are not so great as those that destroy our humanitie â— It is not so ill to bee an ill subiect as to be an ill man â— for he hath an vniuersall illnesse ready to blowâ— and powre out it selfe into any
sin together Yet O blessed and glorious Trinity O holy whole Colledge and yet but one Phisician if you take this confession into a consultâ—â—â—on my case is not despâ—rate my destructioÌ„ is not decreed If your consultation determin in writing if you refer mee to that which is written you intend my recouery for al the way O my God euer constant to thine owne wayes thou hast proceeded opeÌ„ly intelligâ—bly manifestly by the book From thy first book the book of life neueâ— shut to thee but neuer throughly open to vs froÌ„ thy second book the booke of Nature wher though subobscurely and in shadows thou hast expressed thine own Image froÌ„ thy third booke the Scriptures where thou hadst writteÌ„ all in the Old and then lightedst vs a caÌ„dle to read it by in the New Testament To these thou hadst added the booke of iust and vsefull Lawes established by them to whom thou hast committed thy people To those the Manualls the pocket the bosome books of our own Consciences To â—hose thy partcular books of all our particular sins and to those the Booke with seuen seales which only the Lamb which was slaine was found worthy to opeÌ„ which I hope it shall not disagree with the meaning of thy blessed Spirit to interpreâ—e the promulgation of their pardon and righteousnes who are washed in the blood of that Lambe And if thou refer me to these Bookes to a new reading a new triall by these bookes â— this feuer may be but a burning in the hand and I may be saued thogh not by my book mine own conscience nor by thy other books yet by thy first the book of life thy decree for my election and by thy last the book of the Lamb and the shedding of his blood vpon me If I be stil vnder coÌ„sultation I am not coÌ„demned yet if I be sent to these books I shall not be condem'd at all for though there be somthing written in some of those books particularly in the Scripturâ— which some men turne to poyson yet vpon these consultations these confessions these takings of our particular cases into thy consideration thou intendest all for phisick euen from those Sentences from which a tooâ—late Repenter will sucke desperation he that seeks thee early shall receiue thy morning dew thy seasonable mercy thy forward consolation 9. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who art of so pure eyes as that thou canst not look vpon sinn and we of so vnpure constitutions as that wee can present no obiect but sin and therfore might iustly â—eare that thou wouldst turn thine eyes for euer from vs as though we cannot indure afflictions in our selues yet in thee we canâ— so thogh thou canst not indure sinne in vs yet in â—hy Sonn thou canst and he hath taken vpon him seâ—fe and presented to thee al those sins which might displease thee in vs. There is an Eye in Nature that kills assoon as it sees the eye of a Serpent no eye in Nature that nourishes vs by looking vpon vs But thine Eye O Lord does so Looke therefore vpon me O Lord in this distresse and that will recall mee from the borders of this bodily death Look vpon me and that wil raise me again from that spirituall death in which my parents buried me when they begot mee in sinne and in which I haue pierced euen to the lawes of hell by multiplying such heaps of actuall sins vpon that foundation that root of originall sinn Yet take me again into your Consultation O blessed and glorious Trinitie thogh the Father know that I haue defaced his Image receiued in my Creation though the Son know I haue neglected mine interest in the Redemption yet O blessed spirit as thou art to my ConscieÌ„ce so be to them a witnes that at this minute I accept that which I haue so often so often so rebelliously refused thy blessed inspirations be thou my witnes to them that at more poores then this slacke body sweates teares this sad soule weeps blood and more for the displeasure of my God then for the stripes of his displeasure Take me then O blessed glorious Trinitie into a RecoÌ„sultation and prescribe me any phisick If it bee a long painful holding of this soule in sicknes it is phisick if I may discern thy hand to giue it it is phisick if it be a speedy departing of this Soule if I may discerne thy hand to receiue it 10. Lentè Serpenti satagunt occurrere Morbo They find the Disease to steale on insensibly and endeauour to meet with it so 10. MEDITATION THis is Natures nest of Boxes The Heauens containe the Earth the Earth Cities Cities Men. And all these are Concentrique the common center to them all is decay ruine only that is Ecoentrique which was neuer made only that place or garment rather which we can imagine but not demonstrate That light which is the very emanation of the light of God in which the Saints shall dwell with which the Saints shall be appareld only that bends not to this Center to Ruine that which was not made of Nothing is not threatned with this annihilation All other things are euen Aâ—gels eueÌ„ our soules they moue vpon the same poles they bend to the same Center and if they were not made immortall by preseruation their Nature could not keepe them from sinking to this center Annihilation In all these the frame of the heuens the States vpoÌ„ earth Men in them comprehend all Those are the greatest mischifs which are least discerned the most insensible in their wayes come to bee the most sensible in their ends The Heauens haue had their Dropsie they drownd the world and they shall haue their Feuer and burn the world Of the dropsie the flood the world had a foreknowledge 120 yeares before it came and so some made prouision against it and were sauâ—dâ— the feuer shall break out in an instant consume all The dropsie did no harm to the heauens froÌ„ whence it fell it did not put out those lights it did not quench those heates but the feuer the fire shall burne the furnace it selfe annihilate those heauens that bâ—eath it out Though the Dog-Starre haue a pestilent breath an infectious exhalation yet because we know when it wil rise we cloâ—he our selues wee dieâ— our selues and wee shadow our selues to a sufficient preueÌ„tion but Comets and blazing starres whose effects or significations no man can interrupt or frustrat no man foresaw no Almanack tells vs when a blazing starre will breâ—k out the matter is carried vp in secret no Astrologer tels vs when the effects wil be accomplishd for that 's a secret of a higher spheare then the other and that which is most secret is most dangerous It is so also here in the societies of men in States CommoÌ„wealths Twentie rebellious drums make not so daÌ„gerous a noise as a few whisperers and secret plotters in corners The Canon
the toppe of that that wherein so many Absolons take so much pride is but a bush growing vpon that Turfe of Earth How litle of the world is the Earth And yet that is all that Man hath or is How little of a Man is the Heart and yet it is all by which he is and this continually subiect not onely to forraine poysons conueyed bâ— others but to intestine poysons bred in our selues by pestilentiall sicknesses O who if before hee had a beeing he could haue sense of this miserie would buy a being here vpon these conditions 11. EXPOSTVLATION MY God my God all that thou askest of mee is my Heart My Sonne giue mee thy heart Am I thy sonne as long as I haue but my heart VVilt thou giue mee an Inheritance a Filiation any thing for my heart O thou who saydst to Satan Hast thou considered my seruant Iob that there is none like him vpon the earth shall my feare shall my zeale shall my iealousie haue leaue to say to thee Hast thou considered my Heart that there is not so peruerse a Heart vpon eaâ—th and wouldest thou haue that and shall I be thy Sonne thy eternall Sonnes Coheire for giuing that The Heart is deceitfull aboue all things and desperately wicked who can know it Hee that askes that question makes the answere I the Lord search the Heart When didst thou search mine Dost thou thinke to finde it as thou madest it in Adam Thou hast searched since and found all these gradations in the ill of our Hearts That euery imagination of the thoughts of our hearts is onely euill continually Doest thou remember this and wouldest thou haue my Heart O God of all light I know thou knowest all and it is Thou that declarest vnto man what is his Heart VVithout thee O Soueraigne goodnesse I could not know how ill my heart were Thou hast declared vnto mee in thy Word That for all this deluge of euill that hath surrunded all Hearts yet thou soughtest and foundest a man after thine owne heart That thou couldest and wouldest giue thy people Pastours according to thine owne heart And I can gather out of thy Word so good testimony of the hearts of men as to finde single hearts docile and apprehensiue hearts Hearts that can Hearts that haue learnt wise hearts in one place and in another in a great degree wise perfit hearts straight hearts no peruersnesse without and cleane hearts no foulenesse within such hearts I can find in thy Word and if my heart were such a heart I would giue thee my Heart But I find stonie hearts too and I haue made mine such I haue found Hearts that are snares and I haue conuersed with such hearts that burne like Ouens and the fuell of Lust and Enuie and Ambition hath inflamed mine Hearts in which their Masters trust And hee that trusteth in his owne heart is a foole His confidence in his owne morall Constancie and ciuill fortitude will betray him when thou shalt cast a spirituall dampe a heauinesse and deiâ—ction of spirit vpon him I haue found these Hearts and a worse then these a Heart into the which the Deuill himselfe is entred Iudas heart The first kind of heart alas my God I haue not The last are not Hearts to bee giuen to thee What shall I do Without that present I cannot bee thy Sonne and I haue it not To those of the first kinde thou giuest ioyfulnes of heart and I haue not that To those of the other kinde thou giuest faintnesse of heart And blessed bee thou O God for that forbearance I haue not that yet There is then a middle kinde of Hearts not so peâ—fit as to bee giuen but that the very giuing mends them Not so desperate as not to bee accepted but that the very accepting dignifies them This is a melting heart and a troubled heart and a wounded heart and a broken heart and a contrite heart and by the powerfull working of thy piercing spirit such a Heart I haue Thy Samuel spake vnto all the house of thy Israel and sayd If you returne to the Lord with all your hearts prepare your hearts vnto the Lord. If my heart bee prepared it is a returning heart And if thou see it vpon the way thou wilt carrie it â—ome Nay the preparation is thine too this melting this wounding this breaking this contrition which I haue now is thy Way to thy Ende And those discomforts are for all that The earnest of thy Spirit in my heart and where thou giuest earnest thou wilt performe the bargaine Naball was confident vpon his wine but in the morning his heart dyed within him Thou O Lord hast giuen mee Wormewood and I haue had some diffidence vpon that and thon hast cleared a Morning to mee againe and my heart is aliue Danids heart smote him when hee cut off the skirt from Saul and his heart smote him when hee had numbred his people My heart hath strucke mee when I come to number my sinnes but that blowe is not to death because those sinnes are not to death but my heart liues in thee But yet as long as I remaine in this great Hospitall this sicke this diseasefull world as long as I remaine in this leprous house this flesh of mine this Heart though thus prepared for thee prepared by thee will still be subiect to the inuasion of maligne and pestilent vapours But I haue my Cordialls in thy promise when I shall know the plague of my heart and pray vnto thee in thy house thou wilt preserue that heart from all mortall force of that infection And the Peace of God which passeth all vnderstanding shall keepe my Heart and Minde through Christ Iesus 11. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who in thy vpper house the Heauens though there bee many Mansions yet art alike and equally in euery Mansion but heere in thy lower house though thou fillest all yet art otherwise in some roomes thereof then in others otherwise in thy Church then in my Chamber and otherwise in thy Sacraments then in my Prayers so though thou bee alwayes present and alwayes working in euery roome of this thy House my body yet I humbly beseech thee to manifest alwayes a more effectuall presence in my heart then in the other Offices Into the house of thine Annoynted disloyall persons Traitors will come Into thy House the Church Hypocrites and Idolatrers will come Into some Roomes of this thy House my Body Tentations will come Infections will come but bee my Heart thy Bed-chamber O my God and thither let them not enter Iob made a Couenant with his Eyes but not his making of that Couenant but thy dwelling in his heart enabled him to keepe that Couenaunt Thy Sonne himselfe had a sadnesse in his Soule to death and hee had a reluctation a deprecation of death in the approaches thereof
and â—hen they can and wee can tell that the rich man cannot sleepe because his abundance will not let him The tares were sowen when the husbandmen were asleepe And the elders thought it a probable excuse a credible lie that the waâ—chmen which kept the Sepulchre should say that the bodie of thy son was stolne away when they were asleepe Since thy blessed Sonne rebuked his Disciples for sleeping shall I murmure because I doe not sleepe If Samson had slept any longer in Gaza he had beene taken And when he did sleepe longer with Delilah he was taken Sleepe is as often taken for naturall death in thy Scriptures as for naturall rest Nay sometimes sleepe haâ—h so heauy a sense as to bee taken for sinne it selfe as well as for the punishment of sinne Death Much comfort is not in much sleepe when the most fearefull and most irreuocable Malediction is presenâ—ed by thee in a perpetuall sleepe I will make their feasts and I will make them drunke and they shall sleepe a perpetuall sleepe and not wake I must therefore O my God looke farther than into the very act of sleeping before I mis-interpret my waking for since I finde thy whole hand light shall any finger of that hand seeme heauy since the whole sicknesse is thy Physicke shall any accident in it bee my poison by my murmuring The name of Watchmen belongs to our profession Thy Prophets are not onely seers indued with a power of seeing able to see but Watchmen euermore in the Act of seeing And therefore giue me leaue O my blessed God to inuert the words of thy Sonnes Spouse she said I sleepe but my heart waketh I say I wake but my heart sleepeth My body is in a sicke wearinesse but my soule in a peacefull rest with thee and as our eies in our health see not the Aire that is next them nor the fire nor the spheares nor stop vpon any thing till they come to starres so my eies that are open see nothing of this world but passe through all that and fix themselues vpon thy peace and ioy and glory aboue Almost as soone as thy Apostle had said Let vs not sleepe lest we should be too much discomforted if we did he saies againe whether we wake or sleepe let vs liue together with Christ. Though then this absence of sleepe may argue the presence of death the Originall may exclude the Copie the life the picture yet this gentle sleepe and rest of my soule betroths mee to thee to whom I shall bee married indissolubly though by this way of dissolution 15. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who art able to make and dost make the sicke bed of thy seruants Chappels of ease to them and the dreames of thy seruants Prayers and Meditations vpon thee let not this continuall watchâ—ulnes of mine this inabilitie to sleepe which thou hast laid vpon mee bee any disquiet or discomfort to me but rather an argument that thou wouldest not haue me sleepe in thy presence What it may indicate or signifie concerning the state of my body let them consider to whom that consideration belongs doe thou who onely art the Physitian of my soule tell her that thou wilt afford her such defensatiues as that shee shall wake euer towards thee and yet euer sleepe in thee that through all this sicknesse thou wilt either preserue mine vnderstanding from all decaies and distractions which these watchings might occasion or that thou wilt reckon and account with me from before those violencies and not call any peece of my sicknesse a sinne It â—s a heauy and indelible sinne that I brought into the world wiâ—h meâ— It is a heauy and innuâ—merable multitude of sins which I haue heaped vp since I haue sinned behind thy backe if that can be done by wilfull absteining from thy Congregations and omitting thy seruice and I haue sinned before thy face in my hypocrisies in Prayer in my ostentation and the mingling a respect of my selfe in preaching thy Word I haue sinned in my fasting by repining when a penurious fortune hath kept mee low And I haue sinned euen in that fulnesse when I haue been at thy table by a negligent examination by a wilfull preuarication in receiuing that heauenly food and Physicke But as I know O my gracious God that for all those sinnes committed since yet thou wilt consider me as I was in thy purpose when thou wrotest my name in the booke of Life in mine Election so into what deuiations soâ—uer I stray and wander by occasion of this sicknes O God returne thou to that Minute wherein thou wast pleased with me and consider me in that condition 16. Et properare meum clamant è Turre propinqua Obstreperae Campanae aliorum in funere funus From the bels of the church adioyning I am daily remembred of my buriall in the funeralls of others 16. MEDITATION WE haue a Conuenient Author who writ a Discourse of Bells when hee was Prisoner in Turky How would hee haue enlarged himselfe if he had beene my fellow Prisoner in this sicke bed so neere to that steeple which neuer ceases no more than the harmony of the spheres but is more heard When the Turkes tooke Constantinople they melted the Bells into Ordnance I haue heard both Bells and Ordnance but neuer been so much affected with those as with these Bells I haue lien neere a steeple in which there are said to be more than thirty Bels And neere another where there is one so bigge as that the Clapper is said to weigh more than six hundred pound â— yet neuer so affected as here Here the Bells can scarse solemnise the funerall of any person but that I knew him or knew that hee was my Neighbour we dwelt in houses neere to one another before but now hee is gone into that house into which I must follow him There is a way of correcting the Children of great persons that other Children are corrected in their behalfe and in their names and this workes vpon them who indeed had more desâ—rued it And when these Bells tell me that now one and now another is buried must not I acknowledge that they haue the correction due to me and paid the debt that I owe There is a story of a Bell in a Monastery which when any of the house was sicke to death rung alwaies voluntarily and they knew the ineuitablenesse of the danger by that It rung once when no man was sick but the next day one of the house fell from the steeple and died and the Bell held the reputation of a Prophet still If these Bells that warne to a Funerall now were appropriated to none may not I by the houre of the funerall supply How many men that stand at an execution if they would aske for what dies that Man should heare their owne faults condemned and see themselues executed by Atturney
death of a sinner drowned in my sinnes in the bloud of thy Sonne And if I liue longer yet I may now die the death of the righteous die to sinne which death is a resurrection to a new life Thou killest and thou giuest life which soeuer comes it comes from thee which way soeuer it comes let mee come to thee 17. Nunc lento sonitu dicunt Morieris Now this Bell tolling softly for another saies to me Thou must die 17. MEDITATION PErchance hee for whom this Bell tolls may bee so ill as that he knowes not it tolls for him And perchance I may thinke my selfe so much better than I am as that they who are about mee and see my state may haue caused it to toll for mee and I know not that The Church is Catholike vniuersall so are all her Actions All that she does belongs to all When she baptizes a child that action concernes mee for that child is thereby connected to that Head which is my Head too and engraffeâ— into that body whereof I am a member And when she buries a Man that action concernes me All mankinde is of one Author and is one volume when one Man dies one Chapter is not torne out of the booke but translated into a better language and euery Chapter must be so translated God emploies seuerall translators some peeces are translated by Age some by sicknesse some by warre some by iustice but Gods hand is in euery translation and his hand shall binde vp all our scattered leaues againe for that Librarie where euery booke shall lie open to one another As therefore the Bell that rings to a Sermon calls not vpon the Preacher onely but vpon the Congregation to come so this Bell calls vs all but how much more mee who am brought so neere the doore by this sicknesse There was a contention as farre as a suite in which both pietie and dignitie religion and estimation were minglâ—d which of the religious Orders should ring to praiers first in the Morning and it was determined that they should ring first that rose earliest If we vnderstand aright the dignitie of this Bell that rolls for our euening prayer wee would bee glad to make it ours by rising early in that application that it might bee ours as wel as his whose indeed it is The Bell doth toll for him that thinkes it doth and though it intermit againe yet from that minute that that occasion wrought vpon him hee is vnited to God Who casts not vp his Eie to the Sunne when it rises but who takes off his Eie from a Comâ—t when that breakes out who bends not his eare to any bell which vpon any occasion rings but who can remoue it from that bell which is passing a peece of himselfe out of this world No Man is an Iland intire of it selfe euery man is a peece of the Continent a part of the maine if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea Europe is the lâ—sse as well as if a Promontorie were as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were Any Mans death diminishes me because I am inuolued in Mankinde And therefore neuer send to know for whom the bell tolls It tolls for thee Neither can we call this a begging of Miserie or a borrowing of Miserie as though we were not miserable enough of our selues but must feâ—ch in more from the next house in taking vpon vs the Miserie of our Neighbours Truly it were an excusable couetousnesse if wee did for affliction is a treasure and â—carce any Man hath enough of it No Man hath affliction enough that is not matured and ripened by it and madâ—â—it for God by that affliction If a Man carry treasure in bullion or in a wedge of gold and haue none coined into currant Monies his treasure will not defray him as he trauells Tribulation is Treasure in the nature of it but it is not currant money in the vse of it except wee get nearer and nearer our home heauen by it Another Man may be sicke too and sicke to death and this afâ—liction may lie in his bowels as gold in a Mine and be of no vse to himâ— but this bell that tels mee of his afâ—liction digs out and applies that gold to mee â— if by this consideration of anothers danger I take minâ— owne into Contemplation and so secure my selfe by making my recourse to my God who is our onely securitie 17. EXPOSTVLATION MY God my God Is this one of thy waies of drawing light out of darknesse To make him for whom this bell tolls now in this dimnesse of his sight to become a superintendent an ouerseer a Bishop to as many as heare his voice in this bell and to giue vs a confirmation in this action Is this one of thy waies to raise strength out of weaknesse to make him who cannot rise from his bed nor stirre in his bed come home to me and in this sound giue mee the strength of healthy and vigorous instructions O my God my God what Thunder is not a well-tuned Cymball what hoarsenesse what harshnesse is not a cleare Organ if thou bee pleased to set thy voice to it and what Organ is not well plaied on if thy hand bee vpon it Thy voice thy hand is in this sound and in this one sound I heare this whole Consort I heare thy Iaacob call vnto his sonnes and â—ay Gather your selues together that I may tell you what shall befall you in the last daies He saies That which I am now you must bee then I heare thy Moses telling mee and all within the compasse of this sound This is the blessing wherewith I blesse you before my death This that before your death you would consider your owne in mine I heare thy Prophet saying to Ezechias Set thy house in order for thou shalt die and not liue Hee makes vs of his familie and calls this a setting of his house in order to compose vs to the meditation of death I heare thy Apostle saying I thinke it meet to put â—ou in remembrance knowing that shortly I must goe out of this Tabernacle This is the publishing of his will this bell is our legacie the applying of his present condition to our vse I heare that which makes al sounds musique and all musique perfit I heare thy Sonne himselfe â—aying Let not your hearts be troubled â— Only I heare this change that whereas thy Sonne saies there I goe to prepare a place for you this man in thiâ— sound saies I send to prepare you for a place for a graue But O my God my God since heauen is glory and ioy why doe not glorious and ioyfull things leade vs induce vs to heauen Thy legacies in thy first will in thy old Testament were plentie and victorie Wine and Oile Milke and Honie alliances of friends ruine of enemies peacefull hearts cheerefull countenances and by these galleries thou broughtest them
into thy bed-chamber by these glories and ioies to the ioies and glories of heauen Why hast thou changed thine old way and carried vs by the waies of discipline and mortification by the waies of mourning and lamentation by the waies of miserable ends and miserable anticipations of those miseries in appropriating the exemplar miseries of others to our selues and vsurping vpon their miseries as our owne to our owne preiudice Is the glory of heauen no perfecter in it selfe but that it needs a foile of depression and ingloriousnesse in this world to set it off Is the ioy of heauen no perfecter in it selfe but that it needs the sourenesse of this life to giue it a taste Is that ioy and that glory but a comparatiue glory and a comparatiue ioy not such in it selfe but such in comparison of the ioilesnesse and the ingloriousnesse of this world I know my God it is farre farre otherwise As thou thy selfe who art all art made of no substances so the ioyes glory which are with thee are made of none of these circumstances Essentiall ioy and glory Essentiall But why then my God wilt thou not beginne them here pardon O God this vnthankfull rashnesse I that aske why thou doest not finde euen now in my selfe that thou doest such ioy such glory as that I conclude vpon my selfe vpon all They that finde not ioy in their sorrowes glory in their deiections in this world are in a fearefull danger of missing both in the next 17. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who hast beene pleased to speake to vs not onely in the voice of Nature who speakes in our hearts and of thy word which speakes to our eares but in the speech of speechlesse Creatures in Balaams Asse in the speech of vnbeleeuing men in the confession of Pilate in the speech of the Deuill himselfe in the recognition and attestation of thy Sonne I humbly accept thy voice in the sound of this sad and funerall bell And first I blessethy glorious name that in this sound and voice I can heare thy instructions in another mans to consider mine owne condition and to know that this bell which tolls for another before it come to ring out may take in me too As death is the wages of sinne it is due to meâ— As death is the end of sicknesse it belongs to mee And though so disobedient a seruant as I may be afraid to die yet to so mercifull a Master as thou I cannot be afraid to come And therefore into thy hands O my God I commend my spirit A surrender which I know thou wilt accept whether I liue or die for thy seruant Dauid made it when he put himselfe into thy protection for his life and thy blessed Sonne made it when hee deliuered vp his soule at his death declare thou thy will vpon mee O Lord for life or death in thy time receiue my surrender of my selfe now Into thy hands O Lord I commend my spirit And being thus O my God prepared by thy correction mellowed by thy chastisement and conformed to thy will by thy Spirit hauing receiued thy pardon for my soule and asking no reprieue for my body I am bold O Lord to bend my prayers to thee for his assistance the voice of whose bell hath called mee to this deuotion Lay hold vpon his soule O God till that soule haue throughly considered his account and how few minutes soeuer it haue to remaine in that body let the power of thy Spirit recompence the shortnesse of time and perfect his account before he passe away present his sinnes so to him as that he may know what thou forgiuest not doubt of thy forgiuenesse let him stop vpon the infinitenesse of those sinnes but dwell vpon the infinitenesse of thy Mercy let him discerne his owne demerits but wrap himselfe vp in the merits of thy Sonne Christ Iesus Breath inward comforts to his heart and affoord him the power of giuing such outward testimonies thereof as all that are about him may deriue comforts from thence and haue this edification euen in this dissolution that though the body be going the way oâ— all flesh yet that soule is going the way of all Saints When thy Sonne cried out vpon the Crosse My God my God Why hast thou forsaken me he spake not so much in his owne Person as in the person of the Church and of his afflicted members who in deep distresses might feare thy forsaking This patient O most blessed God is one of them In his behalfe and in his name heare thy Sonne crying to thee My God my God Why hast thou forsaken me and forsake him not but with thy left hand lay his body in the graue if that bee â—hy determination vpon him and with thy right hand receiue his soule into thy Kingdome and vnite him vs in one CoÌ„munion of Saints Amen 18. At inde Mortuus es Sonitu celeri pulsuque agitato The bell rings out and tells me in him that I am dead 18. MEDITATION THe Bell rings out the pulse thereof is changed the tolling was a faint and intermitting pulse vpon one side this stronger and argues more and better life Hiâ— soule is gone out and as a Man who had a lease of 1000. yeeres after the expiration of a short one or an inheritance after the life of a Man in a Consumption he is now entred into the possession of his better estate His soule is gone whither Who saw it come in or who saw it goe out No body yet euery body is sure he had one and hath none If I will aske meere Philosophers what the soule is I shall finde amongst them that will tell me it is nothing but the temperament and harmony and iust and equall composition of the Elements in the body which produces all those faculties which we ascribe to the soule and so in it selfe is nothing no seperable substance that ouer-liues the body They see the soule is nothing else in other Creatures and they affect an impious humilitie to think as low of Man But if my soule were no more than the soule of a beast I could not thinke so that soule that can reflect vpon it selfe consider it selfe is more than so If I will aske not meere Philosophers but mixt Men Philosophicall Diuines how the soule being a separate substance enters into Man I shall finde some that will tell me that it is by generation procreation from parents because they thinke it hard to charge thâ— soule with the guiltinesse of Originall sinne if the soule were infused into a body in which it must necessarily grow foule and contract originall sinne whether it will or no and I shall finde some that will tell mee that it is by immediate infusion from God because they think it hard to maintaine an immortality in such a soule as should be begotten and deriued with the body froÌ„ Mortall parents If I will aske not a few men but almost whole
feare of death that there was not a house where there was not one dead for therupon the Aegyptians said we are all deaâ— men the death of others should catechise vsâ— to death Thy Sonne Christ Iesus is the first begotten of the dead he rises first the eldest brother and he is my Master in this science of death but yet for mee I am a younger brother too to this Man who died now and to euery man whom I see or heare to die before mee and all they are vshers to mee in this schoole of death I take therefore that which thy seruant Dauids wife said to him to bee said to me If thou saue not thy life to night to morrow thou shalt bee slaine If the death of this man worke not vpon mee now I shall die worse than if thou hadst not afforded me this helpe for thou hast sent him in this bell to mee as thoâ— didst send to the Angelâ— of Sardis with commission to strengthen the things that remaine and that are ready to die that in this weaknes of body I mighâ— receiue spiritual strengâ—h by these occasions This is my strength that whether thou say to mee as thine Angell said to Gedeon Peace bee vnto thee feare not thou shalt not die or whether thou say as vnto Aaron Thou shalt die there yet thou wilâ— preserue that which is ready to die my soule from the worst death that of sinne Zimrie died for his sinnes saies thy Spirit which he sinned in doing euill and in his sinne which he did to make Israel sinne For his sinnes his many sinnes and then in his sinne his particular sinne for my sinnes I shall die whensoeuer I die for death is the wages of sinne but I shall die in my sinne in that particular sinne of resisting thy spirit if I apply not thy assistances Doth it not call vs to a particular consideration That thy blessed Sonne varies his forme of Commination and aggrauates it in the variation when hee saies to the Iewes because they refused the light offered you shall die in your sinne And then when they proceeded to farther disputations and vexations and tentations hee addes you shall die in your sinnes he multiplies the former expressing â—o a plurall In this sinne â— and in all your sinnes doth not the resisting of thy particular helps at last draw vpon vs the guiltinesse of all our former sinnes May not the neglecting of this sound ministred to mee in this mans death bring mee to that miserie as that I whom the Lord of life loued so as to die for me shall die and a Creature of mine owne shall be immortall â— that I shall die and the worme of mine owne conscience shall neuer die 18. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God I haue a new occasion of thanks and a new occasion of prayer to thee from the ringing of this bell Thou toldst me in the other voice that I was mortall and approaching to death In this I may heare thee say that I am dead in an irremediable in an irrecouerable state for bodily health If that bee thy language in this voice how infinitely am I bound to thy heauenly Maiestie for speaking so plainly vnto mee for euen that voice that I must die now is not the voice of a Iudge that speaks by way of condemnation but of a Physitian that presents health in that Thou presentest mee death as the cure of my disease not as the exaltation of it if I mistake thy voice herein if I ouer-runne thy pace and preuent thy hand and imagine death more instant vpon mee than thou hast bid him bee yet the voice belongs to me I am dead I was borne dead and from the first laying of these mud-walls in my conception they haue moldred away and the whole course of life is but an actiue death Whether this voice instruct mee that I am a dead man now or remember me that I haue been a dead man all this while I humbly thanke thee for speaking in this voice to my soule and I humâ—ly beseech thee also to â—ccept my prayers in his behalfe by whose occasion this voice this sound is come to mee â—or though hee bee by death transplanted to thee and so in possession of inexpressible happinesse there yet here vpon earth thou hast giuen vs such a portion of heauen as that though men dispute whether thy Saints in heauen doe know what we in earth in particular doe stand in need of yet without all disputation wee vpon earth doe know what thy Saints in heauen lacke yet for the consummation of their happinesse and therefore thou hast affoorded vs the dignitie that wee may pray for them That therefore this soule now newly departed to thy Kingdome may quickly returne to a ioâ—full reunion to that body which it hath left and that wee with it may soone enioy the full consummation of all in body and soule I humbly beg at thy hand O our most mercifull God for thy Sonne Christ Iesus sake That that blessed Sonne of thine may haue the comsummation of his dignitie by entring into his last office the office of a Iudge and may haue societie of humane bodies in heauen as well as hee hath had euer of soulesâ— And that as thou hatest sinne it selfe thy hate to sinne may bee expressed in the abolishing of all instruments of sinne The allurements of this world and the world it selfe and all the temporarie râ—uenges of sinne the stings of sicknesse and of death and all the castles and prisons and monuments of sinne in the graue That time may bee swallowed vp in Eternitie and hope swallowed in possession and ends swallowed in infinitenesse and all men ordained to saluation in body and soule bâ— one intire and euerlasting sacrifice to thee where thou mayest receiue delight from them and they glorie from thee for euermore Amen 19. Oceano tandem emenso aspicienda resurgit Terra vident iustis medici iam cocta mederi se posse indicijs At last the Physitians after a long and stormie voyage see land They haue so good signes of the conâ—oction of the disease as that they may safely proceed to purge 19. MEDITATION ALl this while the Physitians themselues haue beene patients patiently attending when they should see any land in this Sea any earth any cloud any indication of concoction in these waters Any disorder of mine any pretermission of theirs exalts the dâ—sease accelerates the rages of it no diligence accelerates the concoction the maturitie of the disease they must stay till the season of the sicknesse come and till it be ripened of it selfe and then they may put to their hand to gather it before it fall off but they cannot hasten the ripening Why should wee looke for it in a disease which is the disorder the discord the irregularitie the commotion and rebellion of the body It were scarce a disease if it could bee ordered and
Adam sinned for Eues sake and Salomon to gratifie his wiues it was an vxorious sinne When the Iudges sinned for Iezabels sake and Ioab to obey Dauid it was an ambitious sinne When Pilat sinned to humor the people and Herod to giue farther contentment to the Iewes it was a popular sinne Any thing serues to occasion sin at home in my bosome or abroad in my Marke and aime that which I am and that which I am not that which I would be proues coales and embers and fuell and bellowes to sin and dost thou put me O my God to discharge my selfe of my selfe before I can be well When â—hou bidst me to put off â—he old Man doest thou meane not onely my old habits of actuall sin but the oldest of all originall sinne When thou biddest me purge out the â—euen dost thou meane not only the sowrenesse of mine owne ill contracted customes but the innate tincture of sin imprinted by Nature How shall I doe that which thou requirest and not falsifie that which thou hast said that sin is gone ouer all But O my God I presse thee not with thine owne text without thine owne comment I know that in the state of my body which is more discernible than that of my soule thou dost effigiate my Soule to me And though no Anatomist can say in dissecting a body here lay the coale the fuell the occasion of all bodily diseases but yet a man may haue such a knowledge of his owne constitution and bodily inclination to diseases as that he may preuent his danger in a great part so though wee cannot assigne the place of originall sinne nor the Nature of it so exactly as of actuall or by any diligence deuest it yet hauing washed it in the water of thy Baptisme wee haue not onely so cleansed it that wee may the better look vpon it and discerne it but so weakned it that howsoeuer it may retaine the former nature it doth not retaine the former force and though it may haue the same name it hath not the same venome 22. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God the God of securitie and the enemie of securitie too who wouldest haue vs alwaies sure of thy loue and yet wouldest haue vs alwaies doing something for it let mee alwaies so apprehend thee as present with me and yet so follow after thee as though I had not apprehended thee Thou enlargedst Ezechias lease for fifteene yeeres Thou renewedst Lazarus his lease for a time which we know not But thou didst neuer so put out any of these fires as that thou didst not rake vp the embers and wrap vp a future mortalitie in that body which thou hadst then so reprieued Thou proceedest no otherwise in our soules O our good but fearefull God Thou pardonest no sinne so as that that sinner can sinne no more thou makest no man so acceptable as that thou makâ—st him impeccable Though therefore it were a diminution of the largenesse and derogatorie to the fulnesse of thy mercie to looke backe vpon those sinnes which in a true repentance â— I haue buried in the wounds of â—hy Sonne with a iealous or suspicious eie as though they were now my sinnes when I had so â—ransferred them vpon â—hy Sonne as though â—hey could now bee raised to life againe to condemne mee to death when they are dead in â—im who is the fountaine of life yet were it an irregular anticipation and an insolent presumption to thinkâ— that thy present mercie extended to all my future sinnes or that there were no embers no coales of future sinnes left in mee Temper therefore thy mercie so to my soule O my God that I may neither decline to any faintnesse of spirit in suspecting thy mercie now to bee lesse hearty lesse sincere than it vses to be to those who are perfitly reconciled to thee nor presume so of it as either to thinke this present mercie an antidote against all poisons and so expose my selfe to tentations vpon confidence that this thy mercie shall preserue mee or that when I doe cast my selfe into new sinnes I may haue new mercie at any time because thou didst so easily afford mee this 23. Metusque Relabi They warne mee of the fearefull danger of relapsing 23. MEDITATION IT is not in mans body as it is in the Citie that when the Bell hath rung to couer your fire and â—ake vp the embers you may lie downe and sleepe without feare Though you haue by â—â—ysicke and diet raked vp the embers of your â—isease stil there is a feare of a relapse and the greater danger is in that â—uen in pleasures and in â—â—ines there is a propriety â— Meum Tuum and a man is most affected with that pleasure which is his his by former enâ—oying and experience and most intimidated with those paines which are his his by a wofull â—ense of them in former â—fflictions A couetous â—erson who hath preoccupated all his senses filled all his capacities with the delight of gathering wonders how any man can haue any taste of any pleasure in any opennesse or liberalitie So also in bodily paines in a fit of the stone thâ— patient wonders why any man should call the Gout a paine And hee that hath felt neither but the tooth-ach is as much afraid of a â—it of that as either of the other of either of the other Diseases which we â—euer felt in our selues â—ome but to a compassiâ—â— of others that haue â—ndured them Nay â—ompassion it selfe comes â—o no great degree if wee â—aue not felt in some â—roportion in our selues â—hat which wee lament â—nd condole in another But when wee haue had â—hose torments in their â—â—altation our selues wee â—emble at a relapse â—hen wee must pant â—hrough all those fierie â—eats and saile thorow â—ll those ouerflowing sweats when wee must watch through all those long nights and mourne through all those long daies daies and nights so long as that Nature her selfe shall seeme to be peruerted and to hauâ— put the longest day and the longest night which should bee six moneths asunder into one naturall vnnaturall day when wee must stand at the same barre expect the returne of Physitians from â—heir consultations and not bee sure of the sâ—me verdict in any good Indications when we must goe the same way ouer againe and not see the same issue this is a state a condition a calamitie in respect of which any other sicknesse were a â—onualescence and any greater lesse It addes to the affliction that relapses are and for the most part iustly imputed to our selues as occasioned by some disorder in vs and so we are not onely passiue but actiue in our owne ruine we doe not onely stand vnder a falling house but pull it downe vpon vs and wee are not onely executed that implies guiltinesse but wee are executioners that implies dishonor and executioners of our selues and that implies impietie And wee fall from that
God why is it so so odious It must bee so because hee that hath sinned and then repented hath weighed God and the Deuill in a ballance hee hath heard God and the Deuill plead and after hearing giuen Iudgement on that side to which he adheres by his subsequent practise if he returne to his sinne hee decrees for Satan he prefers sinne before grace and Satan before God and in contempt of God declares the precedency for his aduersary And a contempt wounds deeper than an iniury a relapse deeper than a blasphemy And when thou hast told me that a relapse is more odious to thee neede I aske why it is more dangerous more pernitious to me Is there any other measure of the greatnesse of my danger than the greatnesse of thy displeasure How fitly and how fearefully hast thou expressed my case in a storm â—t Sea if I relapse They mount vp to Heauen and they goe downe againe to the depth My sicknesse brought mee to thee in repentance and my relapse hath cast mee farther from thee The end of that man shall be worse than the beginning saies thy Word thy Sonne My beginning was sicknesse punishment for sin but a worse thing may follow saies he also if I sin againe not onely death which is an â—nd worse than sicknesse which was the beginning but Hell which is a beginning worse than that end Thy great seruant denied thy Sonne and he denied him againe but all before Repentance here was no relapse O if thou haddest euer re-admitted Adam into Paradise how abstinently would hee haue walked by that tree and would not the Angels that fell haue fixed themselues vpon thee if thou hadst once re-admitted them to thy sight They neuer relapsed If I doe must not my case be as desperate Not so desperate for as thy Maiestie so is thy Mercie both infinite and thou who hast commanded me to pardon my brother seuenty seuen times hast limited thy selfe to no Number If death were ill in it selfe thou wouldest neuer haue raised any dead Man to life againe because that man must necessarily die againe If thy Mercy in pardoning did so farre aggrauate a Relapse as that there were no more mercy after it our case were the worse for that former Mercy for who is not vnder euen a necessity of sinning whilst hee is here if wee place this necssity in our own infirmity and not in thy Decree But I speak not this O my God as preparing a way to my Relapse out of presumption but to preclude all accesses of desperation though out of infirmity I should Relapse 23. PRAYER O Eternall and most gracious God who though thou beest euer infinite yet enlargest thy selfe by the Number of our prayers and takest our often petitions to thee to be an addition to thy glory and thy greatnesse as euer vpon all occaâ—ions so now O my God I come to thy Maiestie with two Prayers two Supplications I haue Meditated vpon the Ielouzie which thou hâ—st of thine owne honour and considered that Nothing can come neerer a violating of that hâ—nor neerer to the Nature of a scorne to thee then to sue out thy Pâ—rdon and receiue the Sealâ—s of Reconciliation to thee and then returne to thâ—t sinne for which I needed and had thy pardon before I know that this comes to neare to a making thy holy Ordinances thy Word thy Sacraments thy Seales thy Grace instruments of my Spirituall Fornications Since therefore thy Correction hath brought mee to such a participation of thy selfe thy selfe O my God cannot bee parted to such an intire possession of thee as that I durst deliuer my selfe ouer to thee this Minute If this Minute thou wouldst accept my dissolution preserue me O my God the God of constancie and perseuerance in this state from all relapses into those sinnes which haue induc'd thy former Iudgements vpon me But because by too lamentable Experience I I know how slippery my customs of sinne haue made my wayes of sinne I presume to adde this petition too That if my infirmitie ouertake mee thou forsake mee not Say to my Soule My Sonne thou hast sinned doe so no more but say also that though I doe thy Spirit of Remorce and Compunction shall neuer depart from mee Thy Holy Apostle Saint Paul was shipwrackd thrice yet stil saued Though the rockes and the sands the heights and the shallowes the prosperitie and the aduersitie of this world do diuersly threaten mee though mine owne leakes endanger mee yet O God let mee neuer put my selfe aboard with Hymeneus nor make shipwracke of faith and a good Conscience and then thy long-liud thy euerlasting Mercy will visit me though that which I most earnestly pray against should fall vpon mee a relapse into those sinnes which I haue truely repented and thou hast fully pardoned FINIS Gen. 28.16 Mat. 13â— 16. 2 Reg. 4.40 Prou. 13.17 Esa. 58.8 1 Sam. 24 15. 2 Sam. 9.8 2 Sam. 24.14 Psa. 34.8 Prou. 14.30 Psa. 38.3 Ibid. Mat. 19.13 Amos 6 4. Psal. 132 3. Apoc. 2.22 Mat. 8.6 8.4 8.14 Psa. 26.8 84.4 5.8 69.10 1 Cor. 9.27 2. Reg. 2.11 Exod. 21 18. Psa. 41.3 Psal. 4.4 Iob 13.3 Ezâ—c 47.12 Ioh. 5.6 Ier. 8.22 Ecclus. 38.4 Ecclus. 38.15 1. Chro. 16.12 Ecclus â—8 9 Ps. 6.2 v. 10. v 12. Act. 9. â—4 Luc. 5.17 Apo. 22 2â— Ier. 51.9 Ose 5.13 Esa. 2 Châ—o 7.14 Ezech 47.11 Mat. 4.23 Luc. 6.19 Io 7.23 2. Reg. 20. â— Num 12.14 Io 13.23 Num 23.9 Deu 33.28 Eccles. 4.10 Sap. 1.9 Mat. 14.23 Mat. 26.13 Io. 8.16 Psa. 38.11 Esa. 63.3 1. regâ— â—4 14 Luc. 10.40 Ier. 1.1 Leu 13.46 Exo 14.2 Gen. 32.24 Ecclus. 6.16 2 Sam 3.11 9.34 Iob 9.34 Luc 18.1 Luc. 11.5 Psa. 27.1 Num 14.9 Ps 35.70 46.5 Ecclus 41 3. Mar. 6.20 Psa 25.14 Pro 2.5 Act. 9.31 Gen. 3.10 Pro 1.26 10.24 Ps 14.5 53 6. Io 7.13 19.38 29.19 Esai 33.6 Mat. 8.26 Iud 7.3 Apo 21.8 Iob. 6.20 Mat. 28.8 Ps 111.10 Pro. 1.7 Ecclus. 1.20.27 Deu 4.10 Heb 11.7 Ecclus 18.27 2 Sam. 18 25. So al but our Translation takes it Euen Burcdorf Schindler 2.4.11 Exod. 18 13. Num. 11 16. Heb. 1.6 Mat. 26.53 Mat. 25.31 Luc. 21.15 Io. 20.12 Gen. 28.12 Psa. 91.13 Gen. 19.15 Apo. 1.20 Apo. 8.2 Mat. 13.39 Luc. 16.22 Apoc. 21.12 1. Reg. 19.35 Luc. 4.18 Eph. 4.11 1. Pet 2.25 Io. 20.22 Ecclus. 13.23 Augustus 2 Sam. 19.12 2 Sam. 24. â—â— v. 17. 2 Chro. 14.8 2. Chro. 25.16 42.13 9.6 11.2 Gen. 1.26 Iob. 1. Tim. 4.1 Ose. 4.12 Esa. 19.14 Apoc. 7.1 Iosephus Iere. 9.21 Io. 8.44 Ioh. 6.70 Ps. 19.12 Esay 47.10 Gen. 4.10 Ier. 20.27 Eccle. 10.20 Gen. 3.8 Eccles. 12.14 Mat. 10.26 Psal. 32.34 8.5 Prou. 23.26 Iob. 1.8 Ier. 17 9 Gen. 6.5 Amos 4.14 1 Sam. 13 14. Ier. 3.15 Ezech. 11 19. Eccles. 7.26 Prou. 28.26 Io. 13.2 Ecclus. 50.23 Leuit. 26 36. Ios. 2.11 1 Sam. 7.3 2. Cor. 1.22 1. Sam. 25.37 24.5 1. Sam. 24.10 1. Reg. 8.38 Phil. 4.7 Coma latro in Val. Max. Ardionus 4.14 Gen. 2.6 Leuit. 16 23. Ezech. 8.11 Sap. 7.24 Sap. 11.18 Ioel. 2.30 Act. 2.19 Psa. 78.8 Esa. 6.4 Apo. 9.2 Psa. 91.13 Eze. 7.16 37.3 Can. 4.7 Iud. 23. Iob 9.30 Ephes. 5.29 Iosua 22.17 Sap. 13.14 Gen. 30.33 Mat. 9.12 Iob 11.15 Dan. 7 9. Mat. 20.6 6â—34 4.10 2 16â— 2. Cor. 6.2 Apoc. 6.17 Eph. 6.1 3. Ioh. v. 2. Heb. 1.2 2. Thes. 5.8 Mat. 23 30â— Mat. 22.15 V. 23. V. 34. V. 46. Gen. 32.26 2 Pet. 3.8 Ecclus. 41.1 Mat. 28.20 Psa. 121.1 2 Pet. 2.3 Psa. 127 1. Leu. 26.6 Ion. 1.5 Mat. 8.24 Io. 11.12 Eccles. 8.16 Pro. 4.16 Eccles. 5.12 Mat. 13.25.28.13 26.40 Iud. 16.3 vers 19. Eph. 5.14 1 Thes. 5.6 Ier. 51.59 Can. 5.8 1 Thes. 5.6 vers 10. Magius Antwerp Roan Roccha Num. 10 1. Exo. 18. Apoc. 14 13. Gen. 49.1 Deut. 33 1. 2 Reg. 20.1 2 Pet. 2.13 Ioh. 14.1 Psal. 31.5 Leuit. 21 1. Sap. 14.14 Sap. 13.9 Sap. 13.18 Esay 8.14 Deu. 33.6 Zechar. 11.9 Iud. 12. Exo. 12.30 Apo. 1.5 1 Sam. 19.11 Apoc. 3 2â— Iud. 6.23 Num. 20.26 1 Reg. 16 18. Ioh. 8.21 Vers. 24. Esay 66.14 Psal. 46.3 Psa. 33.7 Psa. 8.29 Ios. 3.17 Ecelus 43.24 vers 27. Sap. 14.3 Act. 17.11 Luc. 5.3 Act. 27.24 Mar. 5.2 Act. 27.31 Iac. 3.4 Apo. 8.9 Io. 6.21 Lam. 3.26 Exo. 13.21 16.10 1 Reg. 19.43 August Eccles. 11.4 Prou. 10 4. Psal. 24.3 Exod. 31.29 1 Sam. 22.17 Leuit. 8.36 Galâ—n Galen Galen Psa. 106 12. Mar. 15 23. Io. 12.28 Mat. 27 46.50 Deut. 5.22 2 Sam. 22.14 Psal. 68 33. Psal. 29. Io. 5.25 Apo. 1.12 Iob. 4.16 Psa. 93.3.4 Ecclus. 8.8 Ibid. v. 7. 1 Sam. 19.15 2 Chro. 24.25 Amos 3.12 Act. 5.15 Mat. 96 Leu. 5.2 Num. 15 22. Rom. 1.32 Eph. 2.3 1 â—o 3.4 Rom. 7.23 Ier. 6.7 7.26 Iacob 1.14 Gen. 3.6 1 Reg. 1â— 3 1 Reg. 21 1 Par. 22 3. Luâ— 23.23 Act. 12.3 Eph. 4.22 1 Cor. 5.7 Psal. 78.41 Num. 14 22. Ios. 23.12 Deut. 13 12. Iâ—s 22.11 1.12 Num. 25 4. Tertull. Psa. 107 26. Mat. 12.45 Io. 8.14 Mar. 14 70. Ecclus. 2.18 Ecclus. 21.1 2. Cor. 11.25 Timo. 1.19