I am often angry with my selfe because I am weary to live when I am not weary to sinne I know my folly and am confounded and being confounded I reproove my selfe saying O carnall lover why doest thou so long walke in the mire of concupisence why art thou so carefully busie for earthly things and doest so earnestly desire those goods that shall perish or by what reason callest thou them goods which thou gainest with so much labour and the great hurt of thy soule and being gayned possessest in feare and being possessed losest with griefe and sorrow O my soule why dost thou forget thy own proper estate and nobility and art not ashamed to endure a miserable and shamefull bondage under the corruption of thy corporall sence why art thou deceived with the unfaithfull promises of the world the chiefest good whereof is a mist or vapour that appeareth but a little season and vanisheth as vanity of vanities Blush and be ashamed O miserable sinner how often hast thou departed from thy Creator and turned to deceitfull creatures and comming againe to thy selfe behold with the sight of thy minde how cruelly thy soule hath bowelled her selfe of her owne bowells whilest with an inordinate desire catching at a vile prize of Flies she hath like the Spider made nets for her owne selfe of her owne bowels againe and againe I say blush at that where thou hast had no fruite and lament thy lost time and yeeld thy soule unto God with these speeches I rayle against my self when being inwardly admonished I enter into my selfe and consider with my heart what I have lost and what I have found and I finde that I doe not that good which I like but the evill that I will that I doe for my Enemies hold my will and doe keepe me being fashioned according to the former desires of ignorance captive under the law of sinne but thou O Lord of vertues and the tower of my strength doe not withdraw thy help from me looke Lord unto my defence and protect mee under thy wings left I fall in the sight of my adversaries and my enemies rejoycing against me say I have prevayled against him Breake the bonds of my reproach under which I have beene made crooked and loose the cords of my sinnes wherewith I am strongly bound O most mighty Lord and make knowne thy power to thy enemies that I may offer unto thee a sacrifice of gladnesse saying who shall speake to the power of the Lord or what shall declare his prayses that delivereth my soule from death and my feet from sliding who hath saved me from the Lions mouth and from the devouring Dragon To whom shall I flie but to thee O Lord upon whom all our Fathers have called and have beene saved to thee I say who never deceivest them that trust in thee and let any mans hand be against me for I will feare no evill because thou art with me O Lord all my desires are before thee blot out and put away whatsoever is displeasing unto thee renew create and confirme whatsoever thou hast given me that casting away all carnall and unprofitable desires the sinner may bee accepted in the desires of his heart and coveting to enjoy thee the onely treasure my request may come before thy face and I may bee confident to say unto thee Grant unto mee O God the desire of my soule for I know and am assured that no man can desire thee but by thy selfe nor come to thee unlesse thou draw him draw me therfore O Lord and grant unto mee that I may begin in a good desire that I may end and perfect it in a good worke before my old custome oppresse my new desires and my former will strengthned by age conquer my new will cloth me therfore O Lord I humbly beseech thee in the precious garment of thy salvation and put off the vile clothing of my wicked life wherein being deprived of thee I walke according to the ancient conversation of the old man but being newly clothed in thee and become a new man I may with a new spirit serve thee in a new life and in the sweet smell of thy oyntments running unto thee I may rejoice in Jesus my Saviour CHAP. VIII O Lord Jesus Christ the sonne of the living God who with thy hands stretched forth on the Crosse hast drunke the cup of thy Passion for the redemption of all mankind succour mee this day I beseech thee behold O Lord I that am needy doe come to thee that art wealthy I that am full of misery do approach to thee replenished with mercy suffer mee not therefore to depart voyd or as one worthy to be despised I begin hungry let me not end empty I approach as one hunger starved let mee nor depart unfed and if I sigh before I eat grant that I may eat at least after I have sighed first therefore O blessed Saviour I confesse against my selfe mine iniquity behold O Lord for that I was conceived and born in sinne and thou hast washed and sanctified me from the same and I after this have defiled my selfe with greater offences because those sins wherin I was borne were of necessity but those in which I afterward lay wallowing were voluntary this notwithstanding thou not being unmindfull of thy mercy and goodness hast drawne me from wickednes and from the fellowship of sinners inspiring mee with thy grace to follow thee in the company of those that seeke thy face who walke the direct way that leadeth to felicity but I ungratefull and forgetfull of so many benefits received have after my entrance into a Religious way committed many sinnes and abominations and where I ought to have amended my faults and to have repented for them in stead therof I have added sin upon sin these O Lord are the faults by which I have dishonored thee and defiled my selfe to wit Pride Presumption Vain-glory and Hypocrisie and many other sinnes almost infinite by which my unhappy soule is troubled and afflicted rent and destroyed Behold O Lord mine iniquities have overwhelmed my head being unto me a grievous burthen unsupportable to be endured insomuch as if thou whose property is to pardon and to shew mercy doe not lift mee up with the right hand of thy mercy I shall wofully sink down into the gulph of eternall misery behold O Lord God and see how my ghostly enemy doth insult over mee saying God hath forsaken him I will pursue and take him because there is none that can deliver him how long O Lord wilt thou thus leave me turn back and deliver my soul O save me for thy mercy sake take pitty of me thy son whom thou hast begotten in the great grief of thy passion and doe not so looke to my wickednesse that thou forget thy goodnesse what Father is there that seeing his son in danger doth not endeavour to set him free or what son is there whom his Father doth refuse to correct with the
light so that now I see thankes be to thee O Lord who hast inlightened me and I looked backe and beheld the darknesse wherein I had lived and the deepe darke dungeon wherein I had remained which made me with feare and trembling to cry out saying wo is mee in respect of the darknesse in which I have remained wo is mee in respect of my former blindness in which I could not see the light of Heaven wo is mee in respect of my former ignorance when I did not know thee O Lord thanks therefore be to thee O my Inlightner and Deliverer for that thou hast inlightned me and I have knowne thee Too too late have I knowne thee O ancient Verity too late have I known thee O eternall Truth thou remainest in light and I in darknesse and I knew thee not because I could not be inlightned without thee for that there is no light besides thee O God! the Holy of Holies the God of Gods and Lord of Lords of inestimable Majesty whose wonderfull greatnesse cannot bee uttered or imagined before whom the Angelicall powers doe shake for feare O most mighty most holy and most powerfull God the God of the spirits or souls of all mortall creatures from whose sight the Heavens and the earth doe flie away for fear to whom all the Elemens doe obey at a becke let all thy creatures adore and glorifie thee amongst whom I unworthy wretch the sonne of thy handmaid do bow downe the neck of my heart under the feet of thy supreame Majesty being taught so to doe by the faith which thou hast given me rendring thanks unto thee for that thou hast vouchsafed by thy mercy to inlighten me O Light most true sacred and delightfull most worthy of praise and most admirable which inlighteneth every man comming into this world yea the eies of the Angels themselvs Behold now I see for which I humbly thanke thee Behold now I see the light of Heaven a heavenly bright beam proceeding from the face of thy brightness doth shine upon the eies of my mind which maketh all my bones to rejoyce Oh that this light were perfect it me increase it in mee O authour o◠light I beseech thee increase I beseech thee that light that shineth in mee let it bee augmented I beseech thee by thee O fire which doest alwayes burn and art never extinguished enflame me O light which doest alwayes shine and art never darkned enlighten me Oh that I were made hot by thee O sacred fire how sweetly dost thou heate how secretly doest thou shine how desiredly dost thou burn Woe be to those that are not made hot by thee woe bee to those that are not enlightned by thee O true light enlightning all the world whose brightnesse doeth replenish all the world Woe bee to those blind eyes which doe not see thee who art the Sunne that giveth light both to Heaven and Earth Woe be to those dim eyes which cannot see thee Woe be to those eies that are turned away frō seeing verity Woe be to those eyes that are not turned away from seeing vanity Verily those eyes that are accustomed to darkness cannot behold the bright beames of thy supreame righteousness neither do they know what to thinke of the light whose dwelling is in darknesse They see love and approve the darknesse so that walking from one darknesse into another they stumble and tumble they know not whither Doubtlesse they are wretched that know not what they lose but they are more wretched that know what they lose who fall with their eyes open and descend alive into perdition O light most blessed who canst not be seen of those eyes that are never so little defiled Blessed are the clean in heart for they shall see God Cleanse me O cleansing vertue cure mine eyes to the end that with sound and cleare eyes I may bee able to behold thee Remoove from my eyes the scales of my former blindnesse by the means of thy brightness that I may be able stedfastly to behold thee and in thy light I may see light Behold O my light now I see for which I most humbly thank thee Let this my light O Lord I beseech thee be increased by thee Open mine eyes that I may see the wonderfull things of thy Law I give thee thankes O my light for that I now see albeit obscurely as it were in a Mirrour or looking glasse but when shall I see thee apparently face to face Oh when will that day of joy and mirth arive in which I shall enter into the place of thy Tabernacle so mach to bee admired even into the house of my God to the end I may see him face to face that seeth me that so my desire may be accomplished CHAP. XIII I Have exceedingly sinned and I know my offences to bee many which I have committed yet I do not despayre because where sinnes have abounded there grace hath superabounded He that dispayreth of obtayning pardon for his sinnes denieth God to be mercifull hee doth God a great injury that mistrusteth his mercy as much as in him lieth he denieth God to have charity truth and power in which three doth depend my whole confidence that is in the charity of his adoption in the trueth of his promise and in the power of his redemption I cannot bee terrified with the multitude of my sinnes if the death of my Saviour come into my minde because my sinnes cannot overcome the multitude of his mercy The wounds of my Saviour doe tell me that I am truly reconciled to him if I love him wherefore blessed Saviour give me grace to love thee truly and sincerely because love chaseth forth feare verily the whole world doth not afford such a powerfull and present remedy against sinne as is the death of my Redeemer He stretcheth forth his armes on the Crosse and spreads out his hands as one ready to imbrace sinners I purpose to live and desire to die betweene the armes of Christ that hath saved me there will I sing securely I will extoll thee O Lord for thou hast received me and hast not permitted mine enemies to triumph over me Who more can crave Then God for me hath done To free a slave That gave his only Son Blest be that houre When he repair'd my losse I never will Forget my Saviours Crosse Whose death revives My soule once was I dead But now I 'le rayse Againe my drooping head And singing say And saying sing for ever Blest be my Lord That did my soule deliver CHAP. XIV I Render unto the most humble thanks O most gratious and mercifull God for that comming loader with so many and so grievous sins to make my humble confession unto thy divine and sacred Majesty thou art pleased to give mee the grace that I am not ashamed to open my sins and iniquities unto thee whereby I may obtaine thy pardon which being granted unto me by thy mercy and the merits of my Saviour Christ
reconciled me unto thee when thou didst abhor me for my sins thou didst send him from heaven to me to shew that thou art ready to heare him for us therefore in him I come unto thee in him I will call upon thee O my Redeemer Preserver and my Saviour to thee be praise with the Father and the Holy Spirit for ever Amen Who shall stay mee from my Father and my Brother and my Comforter I Owe God a death as his Son died for me ever since I was borne I have been sayling towards this Haven and gathering patience to comfort this houre therefore shall I be one of those guests now that would not come to the banquet when they were invited what hurt is in going to Paradice I shall lose nothing but the sense of evil and anon I shall have greater joyes then I feele pains for my head is in Heaven already to assure me that my soule and body shall follow after O Death where is thy sting why should I fear that which I would not escape because my chiefest happiness is behind and I cannot have it unlesse I go unto it I would goe through Hell to Heaven and therefore if I march but through death I suffer lesse then I would for God my pains do not dismay me because I travell to bring forth eternall life my sins do not affright me because I have Christ my Redeemer the Judge doth not astonish me because the Judges Son is my Advocate the Devill doth not amaze me because the Angels pitch about mee the grave doth not grieve me because it was my Lords bed O that Gods mercies to me might move others to love him for the less I can expresse it the more it is the Prophets and Apostles are my forerunners every man is gone before me or else he will follow after me if it please God to receive mee into Heaven before them that have served him better I owe more thanks to him and because I have deferred my repentance till this houre wherby my salvation is cut off if I should dye suddenly lo how my God in his mercifull providence to prevent my destruction calleth me by a lingring sickness which stayeth till I be ready and prepareth me to my end lik a Preacher and makes me by wofull pains wery of this beloved world lest I should depart unwillingly like them whose death is their damnation so he loveth me whilst he beateth mee that his stripes are Plaisters to salve me therefore who shal love him if I forsake him this is my whole desire now to strengthen my body with my heart and to be contented as God hath appoynted untill I glorifie him or he glorifie mee If I live I live to sacrifice if I die I die a sacrifice for his mercy is above my iniquity therefore if I should fear death it were a signe that I had not faith nor hope as I professed but that I doubted of Gods truth in his promise whether he will forgive his penitent sinners or no. It is my Father let him doe what seemeth good in his sight Come Lord Jesus for thy servant commeth I am willing help my unwillingnesses For the Morning NOw that the day star doth arise Beg we of God with huÌ„ble cries Hurtfull things to keep away While we duly spend the day Our tongues to guide so that no strife May breed disquiet in our life To shut and close the wandring eye Lest it let in vanity To keep the heart as pure and free From â—â—nd and troubled fantasie To tame proud flesh while we deny it A full cup and wanton diet That when the day light shall go out Time bringing on the night about We by leaving worldly wayes May in silence sing God prayse Amen Come Holy Ghost our soules inspire And lighten with celestiall fire Thou the anointing spirit art Who dost thy sevenfold gifts impart Thy blessed unction from above Is comfort life and fire of love 〈…〉 with perpetuall light The … nesse of my blinded sight Anoâ—â—t and cheere my soyled face With the abundance of thy grace Keep 〈◊〉 my â—oes give peace at hom Where thou art guide no ill can com Teach mee to know the father son And thee of both to be but one That through the Ages all along This may be my endles song Prayse to thy Eternall Merit Father Son and Holy Spirit A Prayer for the Morning O Lord be mercifull unto mee a miserable sinner O Lord I beseech thee let thine eares bee attentive unto the prayer of thy servant that desires to feare thy name and prosper I pray thee thy servant this day And good Lord I beseech thee send thy holy Spirit into my soule so to teach mee to pray unto thee that both my selfe and my prayers may be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my Redeemer And good Lord I beseech thee to remove all my sinnes out of thy sight that they may neither hinder my prayers from ascending up unto thee nor thy mercies from descending downe upon me And good Lord I humbly beseech thee to banish out of my heart and soule all evil thoughts and desires all fond love and affection all carnall lust and concupiscence and whatsoever else may any way hinder mee from the true love and worship of thy divine and sacred Majesty O Eternall God maker and high possessour both of Heaven and Earth looke downe I humbly beseech thee with pity and compassion upon a poor miserable distressed sinner who am not worthy to lift up my eyes towards the throne of thy divine and sacred Majesty much lesse worthy of any of thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast beene pleased to bestow upon mee for O Lord so many and so mighty are my sinnes wherewith I have offended thy divine and sacred Majesty both in thought word deed and desire that if thou shouldst enter into judgement with mee and deale with mee according to thy justice and my desert I must expect nothing but eternall death and damnation But I most humbly beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake that it wil please thee to have mercy upon me and to pardon me all my sinnes and offences and to remove all those judgements away from mee which my sinnes have deserved and give mee grace ever heerafter to amend my ungodly life and to love and serve and honour thee truly faithfully and unfeignedly without pride presumption vaine glory and hypocrisie from these and all other deadly sinnes good Lord deliver me And good Father I give thee most humble thanks for all thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast been pleased to bestow upon me more especially for that it hath pleased thee this night past to preserve me from all evills notwithstanding all my sinnes and ill deserts Lord thou mightest have made my bed my grave and throwne my soule into the deep pit of hell hadst thou dealt with mee according