for the Fiend to sleepe in when Hee 's sicke with drinking Sulphure Pert. Sir you shall see this upper roome is hung Eld. Pall. With Cobwebs Sir and those so large they may Catch and ensnare Dragons instead of Flies Where sit a melancholly race of old Norman Spyders that came in with Conqueror Meag. This chamber will refresh your Eyes when you Have cause to enter it Leads him to look in 'tween the hangings Eld: Pallat. A Bed and Canopy Ther 's shew of entertainment there indeed There Lovers may have place to celebrate Their warme wishes and not take cold but Gentlemen How comes the rest of this blind house so nak'd So ruinous and deform'd Pert. Pray Sir sit downe If you have seene ought strange or fit for wonder It but declares the hasty shifts to which The poore distressed Lady is expos'd In pursuit of your love Shee hath good fame Great dignity and wealth and would be loth To cheapen these by making her dull family Bold witnesses of her desires with you Therefore t' avoyd suspition to this place Sh'ath sent part of her neglected Wardrobe Meag. And will ere Time growes older by an hower Guild all this homely furniture at charge Of her owne Eies her beames can doe it Sir Eld: Pallat. My manners will not suffer me to doubt Pert. Wee hope so too besides though ev'ry one That hath a heart of 's owne may thinke his pleasure We should be loth your thoughts should throw mistakes On us that are the humble Ministers Of your kind stars for sure though wee looke not Like men that make Plantation on some Isle That 's uninhabited yet you believe We would teach Sexes mingle to increase Men Meag. Squires of the Placket wee know you thinke us Eld: Pall. Excuse my courage Gentlemen good faith I am not bold enough to thinke you so Pert. Nor will you yet be woo'd to such mistake Eld: Pall. Not all the Art nor Flattery you have Can render you to my beliefe worse than My selfe Panders and Bawds good Gentlemen I shall be angry if you perswade mee to So vile a thought Pert. Sir you have cause And in good faith if you should thinke us such Wee would make bold to cut that slender throat Eld Pall. How Sir Pert. That very throat through which the lusty Grape And sav'ry Morsell in the Gamesters dish Steale downe so leasurely with Kingly gust Meag Sir it should open wide as th' widest Oyster I' th Venecian Lake Eld. Pall. Gentlemen it should It is a throat I can so little hide In such a cause that I would whet your Razor for 't On my owne shooe Pert. Enough you shall know all This Lady hath a Noble Mind but 't is So much o'remastred by her blood we feare Nothing but death or you can be her remedy Eld: Pallat. And she is young Meag. O! as the Aprill Bud Eld. Pall. 'T were pitty faith she should be cast away Pert. You have a soft and blessed heart and to Prevent so sad a period of her sweet breath Our selves this house the habit of this roome The Bed within and your faire person wee Have all assembled in a trice Eld: Pall. Sure Gentlemen In my opinion more could not bee done Were shee Inheretrix of all the East Pert. But Sir the excellence of your pure fame Hath given us boldnesse to make sute that if You can reclaime her apetite with chaste And wholsome homilies such Counsell as Befits your knowne morality you will Be pleas'd to save her life and not undoe her honour Meag. We hope you will afford her Med'cine by Your meeke and holy Lectures rather than From any manly exercise for such In troth Sir you appeare to our weake sight Eld. Pall. Brothers and friends a stile more distant now Cannot be given though you were in compasse Thick as the Aspes I must embrace you both Y'have hit the very Center unto which The toyles and comforts of my studies tend Pert. Alas we drew our Arrow but by ayme Eld: Pall. Why Gentlemen I have converted more Than ever Gold or Aretine misled I 've Disciples of all degrees in Nature From your little Punque in Purple to your Tall Canvas Girle from your Sattin Slipper To your Iron Pattin and your Norway Shooe Pert. And can you mollifie the Mother Sir In a strong fit Eld: Pall. Sure Gentlemen I can If bookes penn'd with a cleane and wholsome spirit Have any might to edifie would they Were here Meag. What Sir Eld. Pall. A small Library Which I am wont to make companion to My idle howers where some I take it are A little consonant unto this Theame Pert. Have they not names Eld. Pall. A Pill to purge phlybotomy a Balsamum For the spirituall backe a lozeng against lust With divers others Sir which though not penn'd By dull Platonick Greekes or Memphian Priests Yet have the blessed marke of separation Of Authors silenc'd for wearing short haire Pert. But Sir if this chaste meanes cannot restore Her to her health and quiet peace I hope You will vouchsafe your Lodging in yon Bed And take a little paines Points to the Bed within Eld: Pallat. Faith Gentlemen I was Not bred on Scythian Rockes Tygers and Wolves I 've heard of but nere suck'd their milke and sure Much would be done to save a Ladies longing Meag. T is late Sir pray uncase They help to uncloath him Pert. Your Boot believ 't it is my exercise Eld: Pall. Well t is your turne to labour now and mine Anon for your deare sakes Gentlemen I professe Pert. My friend shall wait upon you to your sheets Whilst I goe and conduct the Lady hither Whom if your holy doctrine cannot well Reclaime pray hazard not her life you have A body Sir Eld. Pall. O! think me not cruell Ex. Mea. Eld Pal. Enter Yo: Pallatine Pert. Pall come in Pall Yo: Pall. Is he in Bed Pert. Not yet But stripping in more haste than an old snake That hopes for a new skin Yo: Pall. If we could laugh In our Coffin Pert this would be a jeast Long after death hee is so eager in His witty hopes that he suspects nothing Pert. O all he swallowes Sir is melting Conserve And soft Indian Plum Meager what newes Enter Meager Meag. Layd gently layd he is all Virgin sure From the crowne of 's head to his very Navell Yo: Pall. Where are his Breeches speake his Hatband too T is of grand price the stones are Rosiall and Of the white Rock Meag. I hung 'em purposely Aside th' are all within my reach shall I in Yo: Pall. Soft softly my false fiend remember Rogue You tread on Glasses Egges and gowty Toes Meager takes out his Hat and Breeches the Pockets and Hatband rifled they throw 'em in agen Meag. Hold Pall th' Exchequer is thine owne we will Divide when thou art gracious and well pleas'd Yo: Pal. All Gold the Stals of Lombard-street powr'd into a purse Pert. These deare Pall are
Pallatine How much Pert. Honorable Pall Yo: Pallat. Gentlemen you must accept without gaging Your corporall Oathes to repay in three dayes Pert. Not wee Pall in three Iubilies feare not Yo: Pallat. Nor shall you charge mee with loud vehemence Thrice before company to wait you in My chamber such a night for then a certaine Drover of the South comes to pay you money Meag. On our new Faithes Pert. On our Allegiance Pall Yo: Pall. Go then shift and brush your skins well d' you hear Meet me at the new Play faire and perfum'd There are strange words hang on the lips of Rumor Pert. Language of joy deere Pall Yo: Pallat. This day is come To Towne the Minion of the womb my Lads My elder Brother and hee moves like some Assyrian Prince his Chariots measure Leagues Witty as youthfull Poets in their wine Bold as a Centaure at a Feast and kind As Virgins that were nere beguild with love I seeke him now meet and triumph Meager King Pall Exeunt Omnes Pert Enter Sir Morglay Thwack Eld. Pallatine new and richly clothed buttoning themselves Eld. Pallat. Sir Morglay come the houres have wings and you Are growne too old t' overtake them The Towne Lookes me thinkes as it would invite the Countrey To a Feast Thwack At which Serjeants and their Yeomen Must be no Waiters Pallatine lest some O' the Guests pretend busines how dost like me Eld. Pallat. As one old women shall no more avoid Then they can warme Furs or Muskadell Thwack Pallatine to have a volatile Ache That removes oftner then the Tartars Campe To have a stich that fucks a man awry Till he shew crooked as a Chestnut Bough Or stand in the deform'd Guard of a Fencer To have these hid in Flesh that has liv'd sinfull Fifty long yeares yet husband so much strength As could convay mee hither fourscore Miles On a disigne of Wit and glory may Be Registred for a strange Northerne Act Eld. Pallat. I cannot boast those Noble Malladies As yet but Time deare Knight as I have heard May make mans knowledge bold upon himselfe We travell in the grand cause These smooth Rags These Iewels too that seeme to smile e're they Betray are certaine silly snares in which Your Lady-wits and their wise Compeers-Male May chance be caught Enter Young Pallatine Yo: Pallat. Your welcome Noble Brother Must be hereafter spoke for I have lost With glad haste to find you much of my Breath Eld. Pallat. Your joy becomes you it hath Courtship in 't Yo: Pallat. Sir Morglay Thwack I did expect to see The Archer Cimbeline or old King Lud Advance his Fauchion here agen e're you 'Mongst so much smoke diseases Law and noyse Thwack What your Towne gets by mee let 'um lay up For their Orphans and Record in their Annals I come to borrow where I le never lend And buy what I le never pay for Yo: Pallat. Not your Debts Thwack No Sir though to a poore Brownists widdow Though shee sigh all night and have the next morning Nothing to drinke but her owne Teares Eld. Pallat. Nor shalt thou lend money to a sick friend Though the sad worme ly morgag'd in his bed For the hire of his Sheets Yo: Pallat. These are Resolves That give mee newer wonder than your Cloathes Why in such shining Trim like Men that come From rifled Tents loaden with victory Eld. Pal. Yes Brother or like eager heires new dipp'd In Inke that seal'd the day before in haste Lest Parchment should grow deere Know Youth wee come To be the businesse of all Eyes to take The wall of our St. George on his Feast day Thwack Yes and then imbarke at Dover and doe The like to St. Dennis All this young Sir Without charge too I meane to us wee bring A humerous odd Phylosophy to Towne That sayes pay nothing Yo: Pal. Why where have I liv'd Eld. Pal. Brother be calme and edifie But first Receive a Principle never hereafter From this warme breathing till your last cold sigh Will I disburse for you agen Never Yo: Pal. Brother mine if that be your Argument I deny the Maior Thwack Resist Principles El. Pal. Good faith though you should send me more Epistles Than young Factors in their first voyage write Vnto their short hair'd Friends than absent Lovers Pen neere their Mariage weeke t' excuse the slow Arrivall of the License and the Ring Not one clipp'd penny should depart my reach Yo: Pal. This Doctrine will not passe how shall I live Eld. Pall. As we intend to doe by our good witts Yo: Pall. How Brother how Eld: Pall. Truth is a pleasant knowledge Yet you shall have her cheape Sir Morglay here My kind Disciple and my selfe have leas'd Out all our Rents and Lands for pious uses Yo: Pall. What Co-founders give Legacies ere death Pallatine the pious and St Morglay Your names will sound but ill i th Kallender How long must this fierce raging zeale continue Eld: Pall. Till we subsist here no more by our wit Then wee le renounce the Towne and patiently Vouchsafe to reassume our Mother Earth Lead on our Ploughs into their rugged walkes Agen grope our young Heifers in the flanke And swagger in the wooll wee shall borrow From our owne flocks Thwack But ere we goe we may From the vast treasure purchas'd by our wit Leave heere some Monument to speake our Fame I have a strong mind to reedifie The decayes of Fleet-Ditch from whence I heare The roaring Vestals late are fled through heat Of persecution Yo: Pal. What a small star have I That never yet could light mee to this way Live by our wits El: Pall. So live that Usurers Shall call their Moneys in remove their Banke T' Ordinaries Spring-garden and Hide-parke Whilst their glad Sons are left seven for their chance At Hazard Hundred and all made at Sent Three motly Cocks o' th right Derby straine Together with a Foale of Beggibrigge Thwa. Sir I will match my Lord Maiors horse make Iockeys Of his Hench-boyes and run 'em through Cheap-side Eld. Pallat. What beauties Girles of feature governe now I' th towne t is long since wee did traffique here In midnight whispers when the Dialect Of Loves loose Wit is frighted into signes And secret laughter stifled into smiles When nothing's loud but the old Nurses Cough Who keepes the Game up hah who misled now Thwack Not Sir that if wee wooe wee le be at charge For Looks or if wee marry make a Ioynture Entaile Land on women entaile a Back And so much else of Man as Nature did Provide for the first wife Eld. Pallat. I could keepe thee Thy future Pride thy Surfets and thy Lust I meane in such a garb as may become A Christian Gentleman with the sole Tithe Of Tribute I shall now receive from Ladies Thwack Your Brother and my selfe have seal'd to Covenants The Female Youth o' th towne are his but all From forty to fourscore mine owne A widow You 'l
say is a wise solemne wary Creature Though she hath liv'd to 'th cunning of dispatch Clos'd up nine Husbands eies and have the wealth Of all their Testaments in one Month Sir I will waste her to her first Wedding-smock Her single Ring Bodkin and Velvet-Muffe Yo: Pallat. Your Rents expos'd at home for Pious uses Must expiate your behaviour here Tell mee Is that the subtle plot you have on Heaven Thwack The worm of your worships conscience would appear As big as a Conger but a good eye May chance to find it slender as a Grigge Yo: Pallat. Amazement knowes no ease but in demands Pray tell mee Gentlemen to all this vaste Disignment which so strikes my Eare deduct You nought from your revenue nought that may Like Fuell feed the flame of your expense Eld. Pall. Brother not so much as will find a Iew Bacon to his Egges These gay tempting Weeds These Easterne stones of cunning foile bespoke Gainst our arrivall here together with A certaine stock of Crownes in eithers purse Is all the charge that from our proper owne Begins or furthers the magnifique plot And of these Crownes not one must be usurp'd By you Thwack No reliefe but Wit and good Counsell Eld. Pallat. The stock my Father left you if your care Had purpos'd so discreet a course might well Have set you up i' th Trade but we spend light Our Coach is yet unwheel'd Sir Morglay come Le ts sute those Friesland horse with our owne straine Yo: Pallat. Why Gentlemen will the disigne keepe horses Thwack May be Sir they shall live by their Wits too Yo: Pall. Their Masters are bad Tutors else well how You 'l worke the Ladies and weake Gentry here By your fine gilded Pills a Faith that is Not old may guesse without distrust But Sirs The Citty take 't on my experiment Will not be gull'd Thwack Not gull'd they dare not be So impudent I say they shall be gull'd And trust and breake and pawne their Charter too Yo: Pallat. Is it lawfull Brother for me to laugh That have no money Eld. Pallat. Yes Sir at your selfe Yo: Pallat. Two that have tasted Natures kindnesse Arts And men have shin'd in moving Camps have seene Courts in their solemne businesse and vaine pride Convers'd so long i' th towne here that you know Each Signe and Pibble in the streets for you After a long retirement to lease forth Your wealthy pleasant Lands to feed Iohn Crump The Cripple Widow Needy and Abraham Sloath the Beads-man of More-dale Then forsooth Perswade your selves to live here by your Wits Thwack Where wee nere cheated in our Youth we resolve To couzen in our Age Eld. Pallat. Brother I came To be your wise example in the Arts That lead to thriving glory and supreame life Not through the humble wayes wherein dull Lords Of Lands and Sheepe doe walke Men that depend On the fantastick winds on fleeting Clowds On seasons more uncertaine than themselves When they would hope or feare But you are warme In anothers silke and make your tame ease Virtue call it content and quietnesse Thwack Write Letters to your Brother do and be Forsworne in every long Parenthesis For twenty pound sent you in Butchers silver Eld. Pall. Rebukes are precious cast them not away Yo: Pall. Neither of these Philosophers were borne To above five Senses why then should they Have hope to doe things greater and more new I' th world than I This Devill Plenty thrusts Strange boldnesse upon Men well you may laugh With so much violence till it consume Your breath Though sullein want the Enemy Of Wit have sunke her low if pregnant Wine Can raise her up this day she shall be mine Exit ACT. 2. SCEN. 1. Enter the Lady Ample Engine Ginet Ampl. My Guardian hors'd this evening say'st thou Engine Engin. It 's an houre Madam since hee smelt the Towne Ampl. Saw'st thou his slender empty leg in th' Stirrop His Iv'ry Box on his smooth Ebon staffe New civitted and tyed to 's gouty wrist With his warp'd face close button'd in his Hood That Men may take him for a Monke disguis'd And fled post from a Pursevant Engin. Madam beware I pray lest th' Age and cunning Hee is Master of prepare you a Revenge And such as your fine wit shall nere intreat Your patience to disgest To morrow night Th' extreamest Minute of your Wardship is Expir'd and wee Magicians of the house Believe this hasty Iourney hee hath tane Is to provide a Husband for your sheets Ampl. And such a one as judgement and nine Eies Must needs dislike that 's composition may Grow up to his owne thrifty wish Eng. Madam Your Arrow was well aym'd I call him Master But I am Servant unto Truth and You Ampl. He chuse a Husband fit to guide and sway My Beauties wealthy Dowry and my heart I le make Election to delight my selfe What composition strictest Lawes will give His Guardianship may take from the rich Banke My Father left and not devour my Land Ginet Your Ladyship has liv'd six yeares beneath His roofe therefore may guesse the colour Of his heart and what his braines doe weigh But Engine Madam is your humble Creature Ampl. I have bounty Engine And thou shalt largely taste it when the next Faire Sun is set for then my Wardship ends Knocking within That speaks command or hast open the doore Enter Lucy Lucy weeping my wench melting thine Eies As they had trespass'd against light and thou Wouldst give them darknesse for a punishment Lucy Vndone Madam without all hope but what Your pitty will vouchsafe to minister Ampl. Hast thou been struck by infamy or com'st A Mourner from the Funerall of Love Lucy I am the Mourner and the Mourn'd dead to My selfe but left not rich enough to buy a Grave My cruell Aunt hath banish'd me her Roofe Expos'd me to the night the winds and what The raging Elements on wandrers lay Left naked as first Infancie or Truth Ginet I could nere indure that old moist ey'd Lady Me thought she pray'd too oft Amp. A meere receipt To make her long winded which our devout Phisitians now prescribe to defer death But Lucy can she urge no cause for this Strange wrath that you would willingly conceale Lucy Suspitions of my Chastity which heaven Must needs resist as false though she accus'd Mee even in dreame where thoughts commit by chance Not Apetite Amp. What ground had her suspect Lucy Young Pallatine that woo'd my heart untill Hee gather'd Fondnesse where hee planted Love Was falne into such want as eager blood And Youth could not endure and keepe the Lawes Inviolate I to prevent my feare Sold all my Iewels and my trifling wealth Bestow'd them on him and she thinks a more Vnholy consequence attends the guift Ampl. This Luce is such Apostacie in Wit As Nature must degrade her selfe in woman to Forgive shall Love put thee to charge couldst thou Permit thy Lover to become thy Pensioner Engin. Her