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A14989 A bride-bush, or A vvedding sermon compendiously describing the duties of married persons: by performing whereof, marriage shall be to them a great helpe, which now finde it a little hell. Whately, William, 1583-1639. 1617 (1617) STC 25296; ESTC S101310 36,172 54

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former respecting themselues the latter their families Vnto themselues they owe in common first loue secondly faithfulnesse and helpefulnesse ioyned together a faithfull helpefulnesse and an helpefull faithfulnesse As for loue it is the life the soule of marriage without which it is no more it selfe than a carcase is a man yea it is vncomfortable miserable and a liuing death For this all must labour as all will yeeld that take marriage vpon them The want of this causeth defectiuenesse in all other duties the abundance of it supplyeth what is wanting in the rest Loue seasons and sweetens all estates Loue breakes off and composeth all controuersies Loue ouer-ruleth all affections it squareth all actions in a word it is the King of the heart which where it preuayleth marriage is it selfe indeede viz. a pleasing combination of two persons into one home one purse one heart and one flesh But to commend it and the good effects of it which all doe confesse were needlesse paynes Let vs rather shewe what a kinde of loue it must bee and how it may bee gotten 8. This loue therefore which wee speake of must bee first spirituall then matrimoniall Spirituall I say that is grounded principally vpon the Commaundement of God that requyres it for I speake of Christians not vpon the face fauour proportion beauty dowrie nobility gifts or good parts of him or her to whom it is due for that naturall loue which builds it selfe vpon such sandy considerations as the fore-named will either bee blowne downe by some storme or tempest of displeasure or fall of it selfe or else degenerate into iealousie the most deuouring and fretting canker that can harbour in a married persons brest but spirituall loue that lookes vpon God rests vpon his will yeeldes to his Commaundement and resolues to obey it cannot change it selfe because the cause thereof is vnchangeable Thou louest thy Wife for that shee is faire well-spoken courteous of good feature brings much and is huswifely It is well But what will become of thy loue when all those things faile as all may the most must faile Thou louest thine husband because hee is a proper man and hath an actine and able body is of good health wit carriage because hee is kinde louing of faire condition vseth thee well But where shall we finde thy loue if an alteration come to these things as to all earthly things it may come Loe then how there is no constancy or firmitude in other causes But he which loues his wife and shee which loues her husband because God hath so bidden the maker of all things hath enioyned it the Lord and Master of the heart who alone may command the very affections appoints it so shall finde his or her loue lasting and durable as God alters not and his Law continues alwayes the same This right foundation of loue is Gods Commandement and then it is spirituall when built vpon this rocke 9. It must be also matrimoniall Wee are to loue our friends our kindred our neighbours yea forreiners and our vtter enemies euen all men euery-where but the nuptiall loue of yoke-fellowes is a speciall and peculiar loue farre more deare and inward than all or any of all these It is the fixing of their hearts in the good liking each of other as the onely fit and good match that could bee found vnder the Sunne for them The husband must rest his heart in his wife as the best wife that the world could haue yeelded him The wife must settle her very soule vpon her husband as the best husband that might haue beene had amongst men for her Thus doing they should loue perfectly thus striuing to doe they loue intirely They may lawfully thinke others better men or women but none a better husband or wife for them than their yoke-fellow for this were to admit the desire of changing which cannot stand with true loue Who would change his Childe with any man Euery mans owne son pleaseth him best though perhaps his qualities displease so should the husband so the wife They therefore that are still vpbraiding each other with the by-past matches which they might or should haue had loue not soundly though they may smile vpon each other Marriage-loue admits of no equall but placeth the yoke-fellow next of all to the soule of the party louing it will know none dearer none so deare And of this quality is the loue we require 10. But how shall one that wants this loue attaine it and he which hath some portion thereof gaine a larger increase I answere there bee two things which will euen cement and glew the foules of man and wife together the first is that they take speciall notice of Gods gracious prouidence for good in their match They which looke to God as the match-maker and that in fauour take each other as loue-tokens from Heauen and therefore cannot but loue that well which comes as a signe of his fauour whom they striue to loue aboue all But they which see not his hand mercifully coupling them in this fellowship must needes fall out speedily seeing they want this third thing as it were the ligament and iuncture of their affections A matter of small value is not smally respected when it comes in good-will from a great friend and deare withall Hee that loues the giuer will loue his gift also though not so pretious So the husband or wife though not of the best parts shal be deare to the yoke-fellow that loues God if he or she resolue in their hearts God in great goodnesse hath bestowed this man or woman vpon mee Yea say hee or she be somewhat froward and sullied as I may say with ill conditions the dearenesse of the giuer wil counteruaile some blemishes in the gift Say the Lord did correct thee in giuing thee this husband this wife It was in sauour and for thy good Canst thou chuse but kisse and loue euen the rod that comes from a fathers hand But to this meanes adde a second which will also further vnto this and loue shall grow without faile Let married couples ioyne together in priuat prayer good conference singing of Psalmes and other like religious exercises betwixt themselues alone 2. Pet. 3.7 S. Peter would not haue the prayers of the married interrupted for hee knew full well that these were the best meanes of nourishment to their loues In these things the bright beames of Gods Image will shine forth which haue power to make them amiable each to other Heere they shall bring so much profite and good to each others soule euen to their owne feelings as will effectually prouoke their affections to bee mutually feruent Heere they shall see themselues to bee children of the same father seruants of one Master strangers of one Countrey Pilgrims trauailing both to one the same home So when the sudden land-floud of youthfull violent affections are quite dryed vp these fountaines of spirituall loue which prayer and other exercises
husband There hee told him home of his duty It is not long since hee shewed himselfe neither wise nor gentle I would hee would see to amend Vnwise man vnwise woman why hadst thou not most care of thine owne soule Couldst thou marke what was good for anothers disease not what for thine owne Wilt thou grow skilfull in his way and not know one foot of that wherein thy selfe must trauell Brethren sisters let this be altered in vs. If thou be a Christian husband haue more care to know that and bee more frequent in considering that for which thine owne soule must answer then what lie to the accounts of another So doe thou that art a Christian wife And that man or woman that sees not more faults and failings in him or her-selfe then the yoke-fellow bewraies wondrous great pride ignorance and hypocrisie if hee or shee be not matched with one too too notorious for ill demeanours If the heart were well touched it owne sinnes would bee more grieuous the husbands or wiues lesse Contend therefore not how short thy yoke-fellow comes but not to come short thy selfe Passe by the others failings more easily be more censorious towards thine owne this were to deale as a Christian euen to iudge thy selfe He neuer yet learnt to worke well in any work that would cast his eye more vpon his neighbors fingers than his owne Neither was hee euer good scholler that would con his fellowes and not regard the taske imposed vpon himselfe And that makes husbands and wiues such ill pay-masters one another because they looke often what is owing to them not what they owe. I doubt not but experience will backe my speech if I pronounce that they be not the best husbands wiues which are heard to complaine much of their yoke-fellowes defects in dutie little of their own And yet is not this ordinary Euery man would be a good husband if his wife were not so bad she a good wife were not he so excessiuely faulty Al the accusations al the iudgings are datted at each other What folly is this Vnderstand idle man and woman it is not the requiring or receiuing of duty from others but the knowing performing of what pertaines to thy selfe that will proue thee a Christian comfort thee in temptation reioice thee in death and stand for thee in iudgment And yet art thou soloud and much in calling for duty so mute and dumbe and ignorant in yeelding it To conclude therefore know thine owne dutie best marke most thine owne transgressings of duty then shalt thou bee free from brawles with thy yoke-fellow if thou be taken vp with paines about thy selfe and there is no better meanes of peace in families than that euery one should learne and ply his own worke see and labour to mend his owne faults Haue you then bene both or either vnchaste vnlouing vnfaithful repent both and straine not curtesie who shall beginne but let either set other a copie of goodnesse And if you will needs striue let it be which shall be the best which mend first Hast thou bene a foolish passionate vniust husband full of bitter words perhaps also which is monstrous of blowes in anger seeking and seruing thy selfe alone and not regarding thy wiues good so thou mightest goe away with thine owne wil Diue not into her faults cry not out she hath bene thus and thus to me but repent of thy bitternes vnthriftines folly of all sorts confesse it to God beseech him to make thee a better husband that thy wife may bee better Hast thou bene a disdainfull contemptuous brawling impatient discontented and disobedient wife aske thine heare before God and dissemble nor If yea clamour not against thine husbands folly exclaime not of his rashnes and hardnes but condemne thy selfe before and call vpon God to make thee feare and obey thine husband as a Commander vnder him Entreat him of mercy to make thee better that thy husband also may be better Follow the Prouerbe and let euery of you mend one I meane himselfe and contention wil cease Pray for each ones selfe first then for each other Where you haue offended labour to see it confesse bewaile it and call for power to reforme and bee not skilfull to cast the fault vpon another but to cast it out of thy selfe So shall your loues bee sure your hearts comfortable your example commendable your houses peaceable your selues ioyfull your liues chearefull your deaths blessed and your memories happie for euer 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 FINIS ¶ The duties of the married people are either 1. Principall the breach of which annihilates the former couenant by them made which are 1. The chaste keeping of their bodies for each other to which is opposed adulterie sect 3. 2. Cohabitation or dwelling together to which is opposed desertion sect 4. 2. Lesse Principall the breach whereof notwithstanding the comnant is firme and these are of two sorts 1. Such as concerne their ordinary society of life which are either 1. Mutuall such as both must mutually performe which doe respect either 1. Their persons and these are 1. Loue sect 7. 2. Faithfulnes helpfulnes conioyned sect 11. 2. Their families as concerning their 1. Maintenance sect 13. 2. Gouerning sect 14. 2. Speciall pertaining to either separately 1. The husband whose duties are 1. To keepe his authority sect 15. 2. To vse his authority of which I shew 1. The end sect 16. 2. The manner with three vertues 1. Wisdome sect 18. 2. Meeknes sect 21. 3. Iustice sect 26. 2. The wife whose dutie is 1. To confesse her inferiority sect 27. 2. To carry herselfe as inferiour 1. In reuerence sect 29. 2. Obedience sect 34. 2. Such as concerne their society in the marriage-bed that it bee 1. Louing sect 35. 2. Sanctified sect 35. 3. Seasonable sect 35.