annexed to the Crown of England the French Provinces of Anjou Maine and Touraine by his Wife Aquitain and by Conquest Ireland Sufficit hic Tumulus cui non suffecerat Orbis Res brevis ampla mihi cui fuit ampla brevis V. Upon King RICHARD surnamed Coeur de Lion renowned for his Conquest of Cyprus and great Exploits in the Holy Land Hic RICHARDE jaces Sed Mors si cederet Armis Victa timore tui cederet ipsa tuis VI. This Epitaph was also made upon him Istius in Morte perimit Formica Leonem Proh dolor in tanti Funere Mundus obit VII Queen JANE who died in Child-birth of King Edward VI and used for her Device a Phenix being her paternal Crest had this alluding thereunto for her Epitaph Phaenix Jana jacet nato Phaenice dolendum Saecula Phaenices nulla tulisse duos VIII The said King EDWARD being snatched away by Death in his Youth had this Distich made upon him Rex Regis Natus Regum Decus unica Regni Spesque Salusque sui conditur hoc Tumulo IX Upon the Removal of Queen ELIZABETH's Body from Richmond where she died by water to Whitehall there were written these passionate doleful Lines The Queen was brought by Water to Whitehall At every stroke the Oars Tears let fall More clung about the Barge Fish under water Wept out their Eyes of Pearl and swam blind after I think the Barge-men might with easier Thighs Have row'd her thither in her Peoples Eyes For howsoe'r thus much my Thoughts have scann'd She 'd come by Water had she come by Land X. Upon Prince HENRY eldest Son of King James I. Reader Wonder think it none Thô I speak and am a Stone Here is shrin'd celestial Dust And I keep it but in trust Should I not my Treasure tell Wonder then you might as well How this Stone could chuse but break If it had not learnt to speak Hence amaz'd and ask not me Whose these sacred Ashes be Purposely it is concealed For if that should be revealed All that read would by and by Melt themselves to tears and dy XI On Queen ANN the said Prince's Mother by King James March with his Wind has struck a Cedar tall And weeping April mourns the Cedar's Fall And May intends no Flow'rs her Month shall bring Since she must lose the Flow'r of all the Spring Thus Marches Wind has caused April showers And yet sad May must lose her Flow'r of Flowers XII Upon the great GVSTAVVS King of Sweden who died Victor in the Field Seek not Reader here to find Intomb'd the Throne of such a Mind As did the brave GVSTAVVS fill Whom neither Time nor Death can kill Go and read all Caesar's Acts The Rage of Scythian Cataracts What Epire Greece and Rome has done What Kingdoms Goths Vandals won Read all the World 's heroick Story It is but half this Hero's Glory They got their Victories living But our Hero got this dying XIII This short one also was made upon him Upon this Place the great GVSTAVVS died While Victory lay weeping by his side XIV The following Epitaph was made upon Pope LVCIVS born at Luca who of Bishop of Ostia became Pope of Rome and died at Verona Luca dedit tibi lucem LUCI Pontificatum Ostia Papatum Roma Verona mori Imò Verona dedit tibi verè vivere Roma Exilium Curas Ostias Luca mori XV. For Theobald of Bloys Earl of Champagne Nephew to our Henry I Giraldus Cambrensis made this Ille Comes Comes ille pius Theobaldus eras quem Gaudet habere Polus Terra carere dolet Non Hominem possum non audeo dicere Numen Mors probat hunc Hominem Vita fuisse Deum Trans Hominem citraque Deum plus hoc minus illud Nescio quis Neuter inter Vtrumque fuit XVI William Earl of Pembroke and Marshal of England being buried in the Temple-Church had this Epitaph made for him Sum quem Saturnum sibi sensit Hibernia Solem Anglia Mercurium Normannia Gallia Martem XVII Something like it was that for Richard de Clare Earl of Glocester and Hartford who died in 1602. Hîc Pudor Hippoliti Paridis Gena Sensus Ulyssis Aeneae Pietas Hectoris Ira jacet XVIII The Duke of Suffolk and his Brother Sons of Charles Brandon who died of the Sweating Sickness at Bugden were buried together with this Vna Fides vivos conjunxit Religio una Ardor in studiis unus unus Amor. Abstulit hos simul una Dies duo Corpora jungit Vna Vrna ac Mentes unus Olympus habet XIX Upon the first Seven Archbishops of Canterbury here 's a joint Epitaph as it is taken out of Gervasius Dorobernensis Septem sunt Anglis Primates Protopatres Septem Rectores coelo septemque Triones Septem Cisternae Vitae septemque Lucernae Septem sunt Stellae quas haec tenet Area Cellae XX. Upon Stigand Arch-Bishop of Canterbury this bitter Epitaph was made by some of his Enemies Hîc jacet Herodes Herode ferocior hujus Inquinat Infernum Spiritus Ossa Solum XXI A special Favourer of Thomas Becket Arch-bishop of Canterbury who was slain at Christmass in Christ-Church at Canterbury made this Epitaph upon him expressing the Cause Time and Place of his Death Pro Christi sponsâ Christi sub Tempore Christi In Templo Christi verus Amator obit Quinta Dies natalis erat Flos Orbis ab Orbe Carpitur Fructus incipit esse Poli. Quis moritur Praesul Cur Pro Grege Qualiter Ense Quando Natali Quis Locus Ara Dei. XXII Vitalis Abbot of Westminster who died in the Reign of William the Conqueror had this Epitaph Qui Nomen traxit à Vitâ Morte vocante Abbas Vitalis transiit hîcque jacet XXIII One Peter a Religious Man had this Petra capit Petri Cineres Animam Petra Christus Sic sibi divisit utraque Petra Petrum XXIV Upon fair Rosamond King Henry the Second's Concubine one Mr. Daniel made this Hâc jacet in Tumbâ Rosa Mundi non Rosamunda Non redolet sed olet quae redolere solet XXV The next was made upon Jacobus Triulcio a restless Man always in action while he lived Hîc Mortuus Requiescit Semel Qui-Vivus Requievit Nunquam XXVI Upon a Gentleman named None buried at Wimundham who gave nothing to the Religious there this following Epitaph was made Hîc situs est Nullus quia Nullo Nullior iste Et quia Nullus erat de Nullo Nîl tibi Christe XXVII At Geneva there 's an Epitaph in these Words VIXI VT VIVIS MORIERIS VT SVM MORTVVS SIC VITA TRVDITVR XXVIII One without Name had this Inscription on his Grave VIXI PECC AVI PAENITVI NATVRAE CESSI XXIX Which is as Christian as that was prophane of the Roman Amici dum vivimus Vivamus XXX Another did set down for his Epitaph this godly Admonition Look Man before thee how thy Death hasteth Look Man behind thee how thy Life wasteth Look on thy
right Side how Death thee desireth Look on thy left side how Sin thee beguileth Look Man above thee Joys that ever shall last Look Man beneath thee the Pains without rest XXXI Diego de Valles made this Inscription for his Tomb at Rome Certa Dies nulli est Mors certa incerta sequentum Cura locet Tumulum qui sapit ante sibi XXXII Dr. Caius a Learned Physician of Cambridg and a Cofounder of Gonvil and Caius Colledg has only on his Monument there FVI CAIVS XXXIII Julius Scaliger only this SCALIGERI QVOD RELIQVVM XXXIV And Cardinal Pool's is as short but more savouring of Christian Antiquity These are the Words DEPOSITVM POLI CARDINALIS XXXV Mr. Burbidge the Tragedian had one fit for his Profession EXIT BURBIDGE XXXVI And Mr. Weymark a constant Walker in Paul's was as well fitted with this DEFESSVS SVM AMBVLANDO XXXVII Upon Sir Philip Sidney I find this England had his Body for she it fed Netherland his Blood in her Defence shed The Heavens have his Soul the Arts have his Fame The Souldier the Grief the World his good Name XXXVIII Upon a Young Man of great hope a Student of Oxford made this Short was thy Life Yet livest thou ever Death has her due Yet diest thou never XXXIX Upon Sir Francis Vere When Vere sought Death arm'd with his Sword and Shield Death was afraid to meet him in the Field But when his Weapons he had laid aside Death like a Coward struck him and he died XL. Here is a short one but without any stress of Wit upon an ancient Knight Sir ..... Jernegan buried cross-legged at Somerly in Suffolk Jesus Christ both God and Man Save thy Servant Jernegan XLI This following was made for a bad Liver who was buried in the Night under the Name of Menalcas and that without any Ceremony Here lieth Menalcas as dead as a Log Who lived like a Devil died like a Dog But I mistake here he doth not ly For from this Place he parted by and by Making from hence his Descent into Hell Without either Book Candle or Bell. XLII Pleasant was the Epitaph made upon an ignorant French Abbot in these words Cy gît un ignorant Abbé Qui ne savoit ni A ni B. XLIII A drunken Man Elderton by Name had this made upon him Hîc situs est sitiens atque ebrius Eldertonus Quid dico hîc situs est hîc potiùs sitis est XLIV Upon an old Miser Sparges by Name this was made Here lieth Father Sparges That died to save Charges XLV Upon a capricious Man this Here lieth Willing Wills With his Head full of Wind-mills XLVI Upon another who was ever out of humour Here lieth he Who with himself could never agree XLVII On a litigious Man Here lies he who in his Life With every Man had some Strife And now he 's dead and in his Grave His Bones no quiet Rest can have For lay your Ear unto this Stone And you shall hear how every Bone Doth crack and beat against each other Pray for his Soul's Health gentle Brother XLVIII One who had a Shrew to his Wife writ upon her this Epitaph We lived one and twenty Year As Man and Wife together I could not stay her longer here She 's gone I know not whither But did I know I do protest I speak it not to flatter Of all the Women in the World I swear I 'd ne're come at her Her Body is bestowed well This handsom Grave did hide her And sure her Soul is not in Hell The Devil could ne're abide her But I suppose she 's soar'd aloft For in the late great Thunder Methought I heard her roaring Voice Rending the Clouds asunder XLIX He was more happy in a Wife who wrote this Distich upon her after her Decease Quae pia quae prudens quae provida pulchra fuisti Vxor in aeternum Chara MARIA vale L. Upon a notorious Liar basely extracted yet by reason of his Name claiming Kindred of a most noble Family this Epitaph was made Here lies M. F. the Son of a Bearward Who would needs bear Arms in spight of the Herald Which was a Lion as black as a Jeat-stone With a Sword in his Paws instead of a Whet-stone Five Sons had this Liar 't is worth the revealing Two arrant Liars and three hang'd for Stealing His Daughters were nine never free from Sores Three crooked Apostles and six arrant Whores LI. Upon a Dier He that died so oft in sport Died at last no colour for 't LII Upon a Puritan Lock-smith A Zealous Lock-smith dy'd of late And did arrive at Heaven's Gate He stood without and would not knock Because he meant to pick the Lock LIII On a Gold-smith that Tipt Stone-Jugs with Silver He that did tip Stone-Jugs about the Brim Met with a black Pot and the Pot tipt him LIV. Upon a Wrestler Death to this Wrestler gave a fine Fall That tript up his Heels and took no hold at all LV. On a Butcher that marry'd a Tanner's Daughter A fitter Match has never bin The Flesh is marry'd to the Skin LVI Upon Cosier the Cobler Come gentle Reader gentle Friend Come and behold poor Cosier's End Longer in length his Life had gone But that he had no Last so long O mighty Death whose Art can kill The Man that made Soles at his will LVII On a Child drowned catching of an Apple Disce meo malo posse carere Malo LVIII Upon two beautiful Children Brother and Sister who wanted each of them an Eye Lumine Acon dextro caruit Leonilla sinistro Et potuit Formâ vincere uterque Deos. Parve Puer Lumen quod habes concede Sorori Sic tu caecus AMOR sic erit illa VENVS LIX Upon a troublesom talkative Woman Here at last doth she lie in quiet Who whilst she lived was ever unquiet Her Husband prays if by her Grave you walk You 'd gently tread for if waked she 'll talk LX. I conclude with that Ingenious Epitaph made upon Lot's Wife by Count Emanuel Thesaurus in these Words Quam stupes muliebrem statuam Tanto artificio fictam Artifice caruit Genita fuit sine Scalpello sculpta Et quod impensiùs mirere Olim spirabilis loquuta Brevi Foemina fuit Dicerem est Nisi prodigium videretur Foeminam esse tacere Sola Mortalium nec Imaginis egens nec Sepulchri Ipsa suae stupiditatis Imago In semita haeret Et in suâ Statuâ tumulatur Licet igitur intra Metamorphoses numerare Foeminam ex verâ fictam Imò nunc veram quia fictam Nam quid in Foeminis videas nisi fictum Itaque mentiri solita se ipsam mentitur Mortua Vivam simulat vel Viva Mortuam Magis mirêre Quòd insulsa salsum migravit in Lapidem In sale mortua quo viva carebat Sic solent Foeminae sapiunt cùm pereunt Ah! fuge hunc salem si sapis Viator POSTSCRIPT I. AMongst the
of a King a Schoolmaster in the City of Corinth XII Then it was that Diogenes seeing him in that Station began to sigh before him Upon which young Dionysius spake to him in these Words Be not troubled Diogenes at my Misfortunes 't is the Fate of humane Affairs That is not answered the Cynick the Thing which troubles me for I am vexed to see thee still happier than thou deservest XIII Memorable is HANNIBAL's Answer to King ANTIOCHVS Who having set forth unto him the Magnificence of his Army asked him whether he thought it would be sufficient for the Romans No doubt of it answered Hannibal were the Romans never so Covetous Meaning that it was sufficient to make 'em rich with the Spoils but not to overcome them XIV 'T is said of JVLIVS CAESAR that having took Shipping at Brundusium in Italy in Pursuit of Pompey and a Storm arising which frighted his Pilot from setting Sall he undauntedly cried out to the Pilot Caesarem vehis Fortunam ejus Remember that thou carriest Caesar and his Fortune XV. WILLIAM RVFVS upon the like Occasion shewed his greatness of Courage much after the same manner Who going to take Ship for Normandy in order to Relieve Coutancaes then straitly besieged by the French the Wind then proving contrary and boysterous the Mariners told him it was not safe for him to take Sea But the King eager for the Relief of that Town and having no Time to lose bad them hoise up Sail in God's Name Was it ever heard says he that a King was drowned by Tempest XVI To this purpose was the Answer of CHARLES V. Emperor and King of Spain at the Battel of Tunis Who being advised by the Marquess of Guasto to secure his Person when the great Ordnance began to play Marquess said he did you ever hear that an Emperor was slain with a great Shot XVII JVLIVS CAESAR being gone to Conquer Africk hapned to fall off his Horse 'T is a good Omen says he that I find Africk under me This is not a Fall but Taking of Possession XVIII Much to the same purpose was that Saying of an Officer of WILLIAM the Conquerour whose Foot upon his Landing in England chanced to slip so that he fell into the Mud and bemired all his hands over Which Accident being lookt upon by the said Officer as a lucky Presage Now said he to the Duke thou hast taken Possession and holdest of the Land in thy band whereof thou shalt be shortly King XIX A young Grecian favoured very much AVGVSTVS who inquiring into the Cause of so great Resemblance asked the Young Man whether his Mother had ever been at Rome No answered the Young Man but my Father has several times Thus by an apparent Simplicity which sheltered his Boldness from the Emperor's Anger he made him sensible by his own Argument that the Resemblance proceeded rather from the Wantonness of the Emperor's Mother than his own Mother's XX. The Trojans having sent Deputies to Compliment AVGVSTVS upon account of a Palm-tree that grew on an Altar they had erected unto him told him it was a certain Presage of the Conquests he should make To me answered Augustus 't is rather an Argument how little Fire you Kindle upon the Altar to consume the Victims Apparet quà m saepe accendatis XXI Admirable is that saying of a wise Roman upon the Death of AVGVSTVS 'T were says he to be wished that either Augustus had never been born or that he had never died By which few Words he gave a just Idea of the whole Life of that Prince The Beginning of whose Reign was full of Violence and Cruelty whereas the Progress and Conclusion of it was attended with all the Blessings of Justice Clemency and Moderation XXII When the Trojans sent Embassadors to TIBERIVS to condole the Death of his Father-in-Law Augustus it was so long after Augustus his Death that Tiberius thought it proper to fit them with this Return And I am says he sorry that you have lost so valiant a Knight as Hector who was slain above a thousand Years before XXIII SIGISMVND the Emperor being told by one of his Courtiers that he wondered at his Maxim of obliging his Enemies and putting them in a Condition to hurt him when it was in his Power to take away their Lives Do not I says he sufficiently slay 'em when by my Benefits I make them of my Foes my Friends XXIV LEWIS XII King of France when he was Duke of Orleans had been very much disobliged in the foregoing Reigns by two Persons then in great Favour at Court When he came to the Crown a Confident of his did his utmost to induce him into a Resentment By no means answered King Lewis 't is below a King of France to revenge the Wrong done to the Duke of Orleans XXV No less memorable is the generous Answer of JOHN II Duke of Bourbon who was an Hostage in England for King John of France Whilst he was here several of his Subjects taking an advantage of his Absence caballed against him and invaded his Rights One of his Officers took an exact Account of it in writing which he presented to the Duke upon his Return in order to bring the Offenders under the Lash of the Law The Duke asked him whether he had took an Account of the good Service they had done him formerly That I have not said the Officer Then said the Duke it is not just I should make any Vse of this and so threw it into the Fire without any further notice XXVI HENRY IV of France walking one Day was followed by the Duke of Mayenne a burly fat Man and consequently a bad Walker who had contended with Henry for the Crown And now the King took pleasure in tiring of him But after the Walking was over Now Cousin said the King to him I am satisfy'd and you may assure your self I shall take no further Revenge XXVII LEWIS XIII Son and Successor of the foresaid Henry being addressed unto by a Deputation from his Protestant Subjects for the Continuation of their Privileges according to the Edicts of his Predecessors Henry III and Henry IV the King made them this Answer You had says he those Privileges granted you by Henry III who feared you and you had them confirmed by my Father who loved you but for my Part I neither love nor fear you XXVIII The late Prince of Condé making his first Visit to LEWIS XIV after the Battel of Seneffe the King stood at the Top of the Stairs whilst the Prince was getting up but slowly having the Gout upon him Which made him say to the King from the middle of the Stair-case Sir I beg your Majesty's Pardon if I make you stay Cousin answered the King take your own Time a Prince loaded with Laurels as you are cannot move so nimbly XXIX A petty PRINCE of Italy being informed that a Frenchman in his Court had put some Jokes upon him and his Designs ordered
that I must leave this good Man unpaid to whom I owe a considerable Sum. 'T is true answered the Hatter that I am put to great Straits but that your Eminence may see I will not come short of any of your Creditors in point of Civility and Respect to your Person here are three Hats more which I beg your Eminence to accept of and carry with you to Rome This excessive Kindness from an ordinary Tradesman as it surprised all the Company so it drew Tears from the Cardinal with Thanks to Providence for the good Will of all of them towards him And after his Death his Brother did so punctually answer the Cardinal 's just Meaning that none of his Creditors lost any Thing by him II. A Gentleman who was great with the foresaid Cardinal went every where with him except to Church Which gave occasion to his Eminence to tell him he was his Friend usque ad Aras III. An Author having dedicated a Latine Book to Cardinal Richelieu and sent him a Copy of it the Cardinal answered his Civility in these three Words only Accepi Legi Probavi that is I have perused the Book you sent me and do Approve of it IV. Varillás speaking to one of Cardinal Baronius Ah! poor Baronius says he with his Twelve great Volumes it was God's great Mercy that he did write no more V. Cardinal Mazarine being told the Peace he had made was not advantagious to the People made this Return 'T is a young Tree says he that bears no Fruit as yet dabit Fructum suum in tempore VI. Instead of saying that a certain Bishop was made Cardinal the usual saying was that he was got into the College of Cardinals it being the first College he hapned to be a Member of VII A Bishop at Rome came to acquaint Cardinal Pole that he was going to his Diocess for a Month. I am glad on 't said the Cardinal for your sake you will suffer so much the less in Purgatory BISHOPS I. A Bishop being gone to Rome to make his Court in order to be made a Cardinal the Pope told him one Day that he was informed of his being a Bastard To which he made this Answer V. S. a fatto tanti altri Cardinali Asini che potrebbe far un Mulo That is to say Your Holiness has made so many Asses Cardinals that you may as well raise a Mule to that Dignity II. Another being gone to Rome for the same Purpose came home re infectâ and brought a great Cold with him Which one attributed to his Coming home without a Cardinal's Cap. III. A French Bishop being consecrated in the Sorbonne in the presence of a great many Bishops making a Semicircle in the Dome a Lady ravished with the sight of them in such Order said that she thought her self in Paradise In Paradise reply'd a Gentleman who stood by her there are not so many Bishops of our Church to be seen IV. A Gascoon bearing a Grudge against the Bishop of Bazas his Diocesan swore a great Oath he would never say Prayers any more in his Diocess Crossing over a River the Boat had a Mischance which made it leak The Waterman seeing his Boat sinking warned the Gascoon to commend his Soul to God Ay but said he are we still in the Bazadois meaning the foresaid Bishop's Diocess V. Upon ones saying that a certain Bishop had the Gout another that stood by alledged the Canon that says Si quis dixerit Episcopum podagrâ laborare Anathema sit VI. The Bishop of Grace in France having preached a Sermon upon Grace I have heard said the Bishop of Bellay one of his Hearers a Sermon upon Grace delivered with a good grace by the Bishop of Grace VII Some Country Bishops being with the Arch-Bishop of Paris told him they were amazed at one Thing in his Conduct that he never had any Difference with his Chapter 'T is my Opinion answered the Arch-Bishop that none but Country-Husbands will fall a cudgelling their Wives VIII The same Arch-Bishop being made Duke and Peer of France Now said one it cannot be said that Paris is Peerless IX A Bishop being often out when he preached and a Lady hapning to see his Picture somewhere One would think says she that he preaches X. A Bishop of Grenoble in Dauphiné who used to wear a long Beard had something faln upon it as he was eating Which a Servant of his taking notice of told him something did stick to his Greatnesses Beard Why not rather said one that sat by Vpon the Greatness of your Beard XI Another French Bishop of great Worth but a professed Enemy to Monks had some Difference with a great Cardinal who then governed the Kingdom of France This Cardinal however had him in so great esteem that he resolved to draw him into his Party in order to which he offered him an Abbey Which the Bishop refused saying that his Conscience would not allow of Plurality of Livings The Cardinal amazed at so unusual a Nicety of Conscience amongst Clergymen made him this Return My Lord says he you are a good Man and I would Canonize you for a Saint if you had not writ as you have against the Monks Would to God reply'd the Bishop that it were in your Power and that I deserved it then we should be both satisfy'd Thus he ingeniously checkt the Cardinal's Ambition by telling him that if he Canonized him they should be both satisfy'd For then the Cardinal must be Pope and he a Saint which was the Thing they aimed at XII A Bishop intertaining several Prelates at Dinner made a great shew of his wonderful Quantity of Gold and Silver Plate made by the best Workmen that could be got The Magnificence whereof being admired by the Company This I purchased said the Bishop in order to assist the Poor of my Diocess To which one of the Company answered ingeniously My Lord you might have spared them the Charge of the Making XIII A Bishop in the Reign of Henry VIII being appointed by the King to go to King Francis I with the Character of Embassador in a dangerous Juncture he represented to the King that such a threatning Embassy as he charged him with to so high-spirited a Prince as Francis I would go near to cost him his Life and therefore begg'd of the King he would be pleased to dispense him with that Commission Fear nothing said the King to him if the French King were so bold as to take away your Life I should infallibly revenge your Death by taking off many Heads for one from the French now in my Power I am apt to believe it reply'd the Bishop smiling but of all those many Heads there is none so fit for my Shoulders as this Head of mine STATESMEN AND COVRTIERS I. NOLI videri sapiens coram Principe is a Lesson of wise Solomon which puts me in mind of a Portugueze Statesman Whose Prince the King of Portugal being about to send