and hoiting or mincing and bridling it as their reverend Mistresse is libertine or precise as their unlearning them costs their Parents commonly more than their learning did As for their work which they most glory in you have frequent examplers of it how some one or other ordinarily makes such work with them as the stitches can never be pickt out again without the Mid-wives help No sweet-meat shops being ever so haunted with Wasps and Flys as these Schools by all the wild-youth about the Town Mean time I 'le not say their grave Mistresse is a Bawd who thinks her self a very Debora for government but certainly her Simplicity is little lesse first gives admittance then opportunity to such vermine as these into their Bouroughs who when they get their heads in once all the Body naturally follows To conclude they learn nothing there befitting Gentlewomen but onely to be so gentle at last as commonly they run away with the first Serving-man or younger Brother makes love unto them when their Parents finde to their cost that all their cost was cast away and their Husbands after a while find too how to that old saying of choosing a Horse in Smithfield and a Serving-man in Pauls you might well add the choosing a wife out of one of these Schools and you shall be fitted all alike CHARACTER Of a Novice HE is just like a young Lover and his order is his Mistresse who makes a fool of him whilest he Idolatrizes it more than your French Inamourists do their Phillis's and Cloris's and Don Quixots love to Dulcinea was nothing so extravagant The more doz'd and be mopt he is the better still t is a sign he 's right and has a true vocation and if he have any wit and judgment of his own they cry out on him for a very Reprobate for the rest he hates all woman-kinde and calls a Petticoat Leviathan and a smock but innocently blanching on a hedge Afteroth or the fowl Devil of Fornication he walks with his eyes alwayes fixt upon the ground and crumples up like a Hog-lowse for fear of effusion he makes as many stops as an old rusty Iack and winds up himself as oft to rectifie his intention he says his our Fathers as devoutly as others their our Father and counts all damn'd who are not freinds of his order as an infallable signe of Predestination the being devoted to it and the Patron thereof he is as lively after a discipline as an Ape newly whipt and is no more moved then a statua at a reprehension or reproach Infine his novitiat passes with him just like an enchantment whilest he is so stund and astonisht as he knows not what to doe onely towards the end he comes to himself again recovering by degrees and the charme once expired becomes like other men CHARACTER Of a Fille devote or a ghostly daughter SHe is a degree farther from the Cloister and nigher the world than a Beguine to recompence which she is more exemplar in her manners and behaviour walking the streets like an Image carried in procession without stirring hand or eye wearing her eyes just like spectacles on her nose and not daring to scratch though it itch never so furiously for fear of transgressing the rules of modesty whence a fly is as safe on her nose as a thief in Sanctuary and a flea as t' had pasport may travell where it please Returned home she is so neat she puts all her cloaths up i th' presse almost her self too brushing her carefully for fear of a spice of Fornication ever since she understood man was but dust for the world she desies it with all its pompts and vanities and t is almost all the vanitie she has and for the Devill she knows ' all his slights and tricks so well as that Devill must rise betimes that couzens her as for the Flesh she mortifies not onely her own but that of her hoch-pot too giving it so strong allay of Carrots and Turnips there is no danger of it insurrection Mean time she holds her Confessor and the Patron of his order for the greatest Saints and salutes all the rest even to the Dog of the House with a Beati qui inhabitant whilest of her Faith there is no doubt and for her good works you may have a pattern of them when you please for she is commonly the best Bone-lace-maker in all the Parish though her principall Trade be making scruples of every thing if that be not her confessarius work more than hers to conclude I could wish my soul with hers at any time but not my Body beshrew me especially on Lady Eves and other dayes of devotion when she Fasts wears Hair and Disciplines it most intolerably CHARACTER Of an Immitable Widdow SHe is a Tree thunder-strook the more sacred the more unfortunate who had long since been dead when death bereaved her of her better part but for those living branches engrafted on her stock for and in whom more than for and in her self she lives She has a quite different computation from other Widdows counting from her Husbands life in tother world not from his death in this nor from his mortality but his immortality which every day augmenting by consequence her memory of him every day augments Whence to shew she mourns not for custom but for the dead and eternally not by the year she hangs her appertement all freshly in black at the years end when other widdows would be unhanging theirs It s not changing colour sufficiently declaring that t is dyed in grain for the rest she on a second marriages but as a kinde of Adultry Incontinence makes necessary and custome lawfull so far below noble woman as her high thoughts disdain ever to descend into 't or at best accounts it but a kinde of Theft or robbing of the dead and for hers should hold it a kinde of sacriledge or stealing from the Saints in Heaven nay she counts your Widdows marry so soon again but a kind of Murtheresses killing their first Husband out-right when th're but half dead once whilest hers long as she lives indespight of death can never wholly dye on half of him at least surviving still in her CHARACTER Of a more Imitable Widdow SHe shoots off Husbands as fast as Boys Pellets out of Pot-guns and one discharg'd all her care is to charge again she is as curious in her mourning dresse as if she rather courted a new Husband than mourned for the old and her Glass and woman have more ado with putting on her vaile and peak than i' th' dayes of revelling with putting on her masking cloaths nor are these any other in effect she only making an injurd joy under an outward grief her vaile fitly serving her to hide her laughter in publique as her dark chamber in private for the rest she hides all under her widdow-hood before company yet she makes sorrowfull faces and squeezes out a tear or two but alone with her woman she
the Stars should conspire to deprive the Sun of light or streams to dry up the fountain whence they flow'd when who would pitty them to see every farthing Candle or Glow-worm out shine the one and tothers swoln greatness at so low an ebb as those boldly stride over it now who before even trembled at the approach of it Mean time he sneaks in his Title like one in a stoln cloak afraid to be seen in it and none takes notice of him now unlesse some one in scorn perhaps points at him and sayes there goes a Lord or jostles him a purpose who was wont in former times like Mandarious to make whole streets retyre to give him way All the priviledge of such Peers as these being onely to have every base fellow without commission search their house every Tradesman cite them before their worships at next shire Town and the common Serjeant drag them away to prison where they are honorably lodg'd in the Dungeon whilest every Rug-gown and Apron-man has priviledge to be Coacht thither and lodg'd in the Rules or Master-sides and this fine prerogative they have got would needs pluck down the King forsooth onely to be promoted to the Kings Bench themselves CHARACTER Of a high-spirited man HIs minde is a thought higher than any other mans and has influence even on his Body and elevates that with all whence he walks on Terrasses rather than on the ground and should more scorn to be seen in plebean company than in plebean cloathing nor can any look so high but he'el borrow Galileas optique or he'el look as high as they and a look a squint is a fascination makes him look a squint as far the other way he is like a glasse that renders every one the same countenance as they give him and except God and his Prince can soveraignly dispose of soul and body he cares for offending none who first offendeth him He is more angry with himself than you when you answer not his salutation and next time he meets ye be sure he 'le not answer yours being as impatient when you undervalue him as a proud City Dame when you underbid her ware and sooner stir'd up to disdain by a neglect than any cholerick man to anger by offence so t is hard putting an affront on him but they shal seem to have received one who offered it yet he 's more singular than proud and though he knows his degrees of persons knows himself so well withall as he will converse with no subject but on equall terms counts none greater that has a lesser minde than he Loves Nobility not for their Titles but their persons and can onely smile on Princes As for the rest he is civill and courteous and that is all CHARACTER Of a Proud â—â—ne SHe has as much in her of the Antient Counteship as would have served six of Queen Elizabeths Countesses with their Coach-men and Foot-men bare their Cup-bearer serving them on the Knee and women waiting about their Canopy of State Yet is she nor Countesse nor Lady neither but onely of pleasure and at courtesie of the Country She looks high and speaks in a majestique Tone like one playing the Queens part at the Bull and is ready to say Blesse ye my good people all as often as she passes by any company though she stirs no more when they do her Reverence than than if she had wish't would I might never stir and t' were a curse laid on her she paints to hide her Age and to hide her painting dares not laugh whence she has two counterfeit vizzards to put off a nights her painting and modesty when she lies with her own face though not with her own Husband Mean time her froid mine or stately demeanour is variously censured some saying t is for want of wit others that she spends so many spirits a nights It makes her the more dull a dayes some that she 's founding an Order of undisparaged Concubines and t is the modest habit they are to be cloathed in others again that shee 's like your tradse-women who when they have custome enough are proud and disdainfull and must be sued too for their Ware whilest those who want it are forc'd to sue to you In fine all accord in this that she is more coy than becomes any honest woman and all shee 's like to get by her pride and statelinesse is that whensoever there is a Parliament of courtesans she should not be for the Commons but the House of Lords CHARACTER Of a low spirited man HE is low born and never seeks to raise himself higher than his birth nor is this content or humility in him but sloath and basenes his soul lives in a cellar and all his words and actions even to his very apparell favours of under breeding The senciblest displeasure you can do him is to his Body and he is more troubled at losse of money than reputation he slinks in company and playes at Boe peep behinde the rest being such a friend of obscurity as you cannot do him a greater displeasure than to take no notice of him in company Like the sensible tree he contracts and shrinks up himself at every little touch and looks on him and you daunt him and strike his eys inward strait and his words congeale in his mouth through fear and want breath still to finish a period his language too is as low as the rest whilest he cals a valiant man a kill-cow a jest a frump and urge him to make hast and he will tell ye he is none of the Hastings'es for the rest he speaks of every thing in the superlative shewing the littlenesse of his minde by counting all thing so great so lives he thinking saying and doing nothing but mean things in mean company and mean condition all his life having neither virtue nor vice enough to raise himself above the common sort whence where you left him at his birth there you finde him at his death without making any progresse in the world at all so many years having rather past over him than he past over so many years being onely able to render this accompt when he comes to die that he was just as long a dying as he did live CHARACTER Of a petty French Lutenist in England HE is a fellow who coms into England with an ill meen and thred-bare cloaths and there presently sets up a Court of Judicature arraigning both Musick Instruments and Musicians for not being a la mode de France the twelve Ranks of strings o th' Lute the double neck the lessons the method of â—laying and almost the hands too for not being mangy about the wrists like his he belies great masters and teaches but his own imperfections And if his fingers be so weak they can scarce crawle o're a Lute then to play gently and softly is the mode and doucement is the word and if so gouty and child-blaind as he rakes the strings worse than if
to fill the place with votius tables and even in picture to work miracles she being still the greater miracle herself and so all surprizing as a disease but as taking as her eyes would be epidemical and soon depopulate all the world Then shee 's so obliging civill and courteous as obligingnesse civility and courtesie seem to be born with her and it is feared will dye and be buried with her in the same grave when she dyes Her speech and behaviour being all so gentle sweet and affable as you may talke of Magick but there is none charms but she nor has complacency and observance more ready at a Beck she to the shame and confusion of the proud and imperious doing more with one gentle intreaty than they with all their loud iterated commands Whence she alone with her sweetness and gentlenesse would tame fierce Lions and civilize barbarousest Savages and if there be any feircenesse and savagenesse in the world t is onely where she is not and because she cannot be every where whence Heaven seems onely to have made her so beautifull to make vertue more lovely in her the one serving to adorn the other as her noble obligingnesse and goodnesse does for the ornament of both CHARACTER Of a gallant Warriour HE is a Lover and the Warre is his Mistresse whom he courts so nobly as not onely she but all are enamour'd on him all his thoughts are on her and all his Ambition is to deserve her favours and declare himself worthy of her he doing that in effect which others onely talk off hazzard and expose his life for his Mistresse as often as brave Action cals him to 't Mean time compare him but with your other fine Gallants of the Town and you 'le see what little pittifull things they 'le seem compared to him just as Puppets in comparison with men he i th' head of an Army with brave feircenesse in the field they with little meens and countenances leading a dance at home they slickt with pomatum all patcht and powdred he all covered ore with dust and sweat the powder of the Canon frizling her hair and every patch hiding or shewing some noble wound they finally proud of the favour of some knot or ribban their Mistresse Dog has honour to wear as well as they he gloriously returning home with victory a favour onely greatest Heroes are honoured with After all which more to encrease their shames and his glory he beats them at their own weapons too to shew himself every wayes a Conquerour and provs the gallanter courtier as far surpassing them in the gentle Arts of Peace as in the noble ones of War With good reason they feigned Venus then enamoured of Mars onely I wonder they fabled him born of immortall race since in my conceit the fable had been much handsomer had they feigned like our Mars's here his noble actions onely Immortalizing him CHARACTER Of a miserable old Gentlewoman HEr word is pitty any thing should be lost whilest others say pittie any thing should be saved as she saves it for she hoards up Candles ends and scapes up Greace being so rich in Kitchin-stuff as her very cloaths are become part of it excepting her brancht-velvet-gown thin as an old groat with the figures all worn out which she keeps more carefully for Sundayes and Holy-dayes nor wonders she at the Iews wearing their cloths in the Desart forty years for she has a petty-coat she has worn as long her stomacher being a piece of venerable Antiquity derived from the Velvet of Queen Mary's gown and her prayer Book was a Relique of her Grand-mothers till falling into the Dripping-pan by simpathy the Dog and Cat fell out about it and at last agreed to pray on it since when for want of a Book her ordinary prayer without Book is a God help ye without Alms for which the Beggars curse her as fast onely your sneezers thank her because they expect no more from her for her house you enter it with the same horrour as you 'de do one the witches kept their Sabot in she sitting purring in the Chimney-corner like a melancholly Cat mumping like an old Ape when she saluteth you and when shee'de Regale you indeed sends for a bottle of Sack from her Closet as everlasting as the Widdows cruch of Oyle has served this twelve months all strangers that come to house together with a Box of mermelate so dry as the flyes have given 't over long since in dispaire of extracting any more sweetnesse out of it In fine to tell you all the sordid poverty of her house I should never make an end wherefore to conclude her Coffers are only rich whilst she is poore where she hoard up all her old spurroials and Harry Angels with her deaths head and Gymal Rings for whosoever she means to make her Heir which I 'm sure sha'nt be me I laugh at her so much CHARACTER Of a Ladies Little Dog HE is native of Bolonia though of no great House as t is imagined yet he is his Ladies Favourite and the Envy of her gallants for his lying with her a night whilest he innocently snugs and ne'er thinks of his happiness and kisses her a days without imagining any harm for which they suspect him of frigidity and certainly he is so cold as the Chimney-corner can scarce keep him warm where he lies in his panier like Diogenes in his Tub snarling and barking at every on comes in whence he 's imagined to be one of his Cinick sect yet all Caresse and make much of him for his Ladies sake and that proverbs together Love me and love my Dog Mean time his chiefest bravery consists in his chollar which you would take for the chollar of some Order of which there are Carpet Knights enough who would gladly like him be never out of Lady's laps but that he has no fellow for littleness all other Dogs seeming Gyants unto him and he would scarce passe for a Mastiff amongst the Pigmies though in Homers battaile betwixt the Frogs and Mice he would have served rarely well for mounting the Caval'ry and have put the Infantry terribly to Rout but that he was spoil'd in the managing he what betwixt carrying in the Arms at home and Coach abroad having legs more for ornament than use Whence he has certainly much to answer for Idleness but for that he cares not who never thinks on death though his life may well be compared unto a span his body being no more nor cares he for what becomes of Dogs in the other world he enjoying all his Heaven and Felicity in this having a Velvet Cushion for his couch walking on Turkey Carpets like the Grand Seignior being fed as daintily as the Infanta or the King of Spain nor can he wag his Taile for any thing but he has it strait CHARACTER Of your Ladies Coronel NOt to be Souldier he was made Coronel at first and to scape fighting h' as remaind so ever since