Salvation Iohn Howe Mr. CORBET's ENQUIRY INTO THE State of his Soul His Introduction IN order to peace of conscience and assurance of my good estate towards God it must in reason be supposed that I may rightly understand the marks of sincerity set down in Gods Word as also the predominant inclination and motions of my own soul and that I may be so far assured of my right understanding of the things aforesaid as to have no reasonable ground of doubting thereof For I have no other ordinary way to know my sincerity in order to the said peace and assurance but to examine it according to my best understanding by the marks thereof set down in Gods Word In this Self-Examination it is requisite that I use all Diligence and Impartiality with Constancy and that I earnestly pray for Gods assistance in it and heartily offer my self to his search as David did Psal. 139. 23. Wherefore if upon the most impartial and diligent search that I can make according to the best of my understanding together with earnest and constant Prayer to God to assist me therein as in my greatest concern it doth most rationally appear to me that the predominant inclination and motions of my soul are agreeable to the marks of sincerity set down in Gods Word then my conscience doing its office aright is to judge for me accordingly viz. that I am sincere And in this judgment I am to acquiesce because it is the Judgment of Gods Agent and Minister which he hath set up within me to judge under him of my internal state according to his Law by which he himself doth and will judge me God hath the same aspect upon the Soul which Conscience his Vicegerent hath as it from time to time or ordinarily judgeth not against him or without him but under him and according to his judgment either acquitting or condemning To this purpose the Apostle speaketh 1 John 3. 20 21. If our heart condemn us God is greater than our Heart and knoweth all things If our heart condemn us not then have we confidence towards God The State of my Own SOUL According to the strictest Search that I can make Psal. 139. 23 24. Search me O Lord and know my Heart try me and know my Thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way Everlasting Amen The following particulars were set down in Decemb. Jan. Feb. An. 1663. AS far as I am able to discern my heart and wayes I have chosen the Lord for my portion I take up my rest in him and not in the Creature To love and fear and admire and bless him and to have communion with him is my chief joy And the eternal Vision and Fruition of God is my great hope I would not only have God herafter but here in this World for my chief good He is even now better than all the World I come to God by Jesus Christ. And as I believe in God I believe also in Christ and rejoyce and glory in him and acknowledging my own sinfulness and unworthyness I rest intirely on him as the ground of my justification to Life and of all favour and acceptance with God I receive Christ as my Lord and give up my self to him I let him into my heart by Faith I esteem him precious and am willing to suffer the loss of all that I may win him I desire to know him in the Power of his Death and Resurrection and am much grieved that I do so weakly experience that power and feel it no more operative in me in my dying to sin and 〈◊〉 World and in living and walking in the Spirit I do not cease to lament the more heinous sins of my Life and cannot forbear the continual imploring of the pardon of them I do not return again to them and I resolve never so to do I watch and pray and strive against all sin but especially against those sins to which I am more especially inclined my conflicts are daily and am put hard to it But I do not yield up my self to any sin nor lie down in it yea I do not suffer sinful Cogitations to lodge in me Howbeit I am many times much discomposed damped in Spirit deadned in Duty distracted in my Studies and molested and hindered every way by the sin that dwelleth in me But I resolve that sin shall have no rest in my soul and that I will never injoy it Though I cannot keep sin out of my heart yet it doth not reign in my mortal body nor do I yield my members to the service of it I would fulfil all Righteousness and owe nothing to any man but love I had a hundred sold rather suffer wrong than do wrong It was said of Christ that no guile was found in his mouth and of the faithful Company that followed the Lamb that no guile was found in their mouth And that it may be so with me I indeavour with my whole heart I trust God with my chiefest outward Concernment even with that about which I am most Solicitous and wherein to be satisfied is of great moment to me for that it hath as great an influence upon my Spirit as any outward thing hath And I do believe that God will provide for me herein or otherwise supply the want of it My earnest desire of God is that my outward condition may be so stated by his Wife and Gracious providence as I may be least exposed to temptation and best disposed and furthered unto Duty I have an Inclination to seek Self particularly in vain applause and that in Religious services and herein I have been highly guilty but I shame my self for it before God and I am willing to be satisfied in the Praise that comes from him alone and I trust through his Grace that I can deny my self in matter of Reputation to do his Will I love the Lord Jesus Christ and all his Saints The broken estate of the Church especialy by intestine Evils is a great trouble to my Spirit The scandals of professors I am truly grieved at and I would not by their weaknesses seek to excuse my own faults or an advancing of my own Virtues I have no setled Bitterness and Revenge against my Enemies but I love pitty and pray for them As concerning God's Enemies I am more provoked but I would not be inhumane or cruel against them For the wrath of Man worketh not the Righteousness of God I contemn none I would not imbitter the Spirit of any I would answer all obligations of courtesy as accounting it a Righteousness I would not insult over the weakness of any and this is partly out of Natural tenderness and Moral Considerations and I find that the goodness and kindness of God the meekness gentleness of Christ hath here unto made Impression upon me I find upon the review of my Life past according to the clearest judgment that I can make that I have not gone
Grace I will not doubt of a good Issue while I am found in the Way of Duty To them who by Patient Continuance in Well-doing seek for Glory and Honour and Immortality God who cannot lye hath promised to give Eternal Life I am desirous to be delivered from this Affliction if it be the Will of the Lord upon this account that I might have a more notable proof of my freer choosing of God for my Portion when I am not thus driven to Him as now because I can go no where else for Comfort also of my freer turning from the World even then when I am capable of injoying it To have such a proof of these things in my self I should take for a great Advantage and be greatly Thankful Nevertheless for the quieting of my Mind I consider that my present Afflicted State doth better secure me from Temptations which might draw my Heart from God to the Love of the World in which respect Prosperity is far more Dangerous than Adversity Moreover my present State gives me Advantage for a higher proof of the Grace that is in me and of the Power of Divine Aid upholding me in a Life of Faith and Patience by which I Live upon God alone when Worldly Comfort fails me and by which I am enabled to overcome things Grievous to Nature and to get above not only the Pleasures but the sharp Pains of Sense and to Live and endure with little natural or bodily Rest. Also it gives me the advantage of exercising a resolved willing Self-Resignation to God in this Dispensation which is harsh to Flesh and Blood and a resting in Hope when there is no present appearance of help and a waiting and looking for the Lord who hides his Face and a cleaving to him by constant Love though he doth fore Bruise me If I continue in the exercise of these Graces they will give me a Good Proof that the Heavenly Nature is in me and will make way for great Assurance towards God and full Consolation in Christ Jesus And yet further I trust that I have long before this distress chosen God for my Portion and drawn off my Heart from the flattering Vanities of this World And I know that in this Distress I do not come to Him constrainedly or meerly as driven For I delight to draw nigh to Him to pour out my Heart before Him in Prayer and Meditation My Meditation of Him is Sweet to my Soul and I do not Love to be Diverted from it And when my Distemper is any whit more easy it Works unto a Rejoycing in Him And it is for enlargement of Heart towards Him that I chiefly desire bodily Ease and Rest. Hear my Cry O God Attend unto my Prayer I will Cry unto Thee when my Heart is overwhelmed Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. God the infinite Goodness and Love will not cast off a poor Soul that lies at his Feet and cryes for the Help of his Grace when it is ready to sink under the Burden and is willing to have Mercy upon his Terms Therefore I will still cry to Him and look for Him and lean upon Him will not depart from Him by an Evil Heart of Unbelief This I resolve in his Strength Lord Strengthen me unto the perfect Work of Patience Lord I heartily consent that Thou shouldest use me as Thou pleasest so Thou use me as one of those that Love thy Name Disposal is an effect of Propriety but it is alwayes a regular and a loving Disposal of the Subjects of his Government O! Deal favourably with thy Servant Thou Knowest my Frame Remenber that I am but Dust. The Lord will Perfect that which concerneth me Thy Mercy O Lord Endureth for Ever Forsake not the Works of thine own Hands O Lord without Thee I can do nothing Therefore I must Beg and Thou wilt give Grace sufficient without which I cannot Subsist For therein is the Life of my Spirit For Ever O Lord Thy Word is settled in Heaven Pitty me O Lord as a Father Pittyeth his Children Comfort me O Lord as one whom his Mother Comforteth The Lord will wait that He may be Gracious unto you For the Lord is a God of Judgment Blessed are all they that wait for Him Can I be in a better Hand As my professed Judgment is concerning Gods Proceeding so let me stand Affected towards it NOTES FOR My Self KEep thy Heart with all Diligence for out of it are the Issues of Life Death and Life are in the Power of the Tongue Entertain not a sensual Imagination for a Moment and give not way to the least Glance of the Eye towards Vanity Be alwayes expecting some Trouble or other to interrupt thy outward Peace and Rest. Never expect any thing from the World and when it offers thee any thing that is good for thee receive it but catch not at it greedily Be alwayes mindful what thou may'st do for thine own and others Salvation in every Instant upon every Occasion Dye daily In arguing with another watch against every inordinate Heat of Passion loud Speaking and every rash Word If any neglect or slight thee care not for it yet observe it Any Matter of Tryal to thee reckon among thy gains Take no delight of Sense but in a manifest and direct Subserviency to Spiritual Ends and use not that delight to irritate but to allay Sensuality When a sensual Imagination or Passion breaks in then excite a Tast of the Powers of the World to come and delay not to recover the Divine Frame What thou doubtest do not In thy Actions consider not only what is lawful but what is best in the present Circumstances and do that In every Delight of Sense watch against all Brutishness When thou art in Company where the Talk is but vain watch to put in a Word that may be to Edification If any despise thee do not bear a grudge against him for it And be not offended with any meerly because they do not honour thee When thou art framing Excuses take heed of speaking an Untruth or approaching near to it lest in avoiding the Offence of Man thou make too bold with God Take heed of this also when thou wouldst speak pleasingly and avoid Offence in speaking Use no Recreation or Delight of Sense but what thou canst at that very time desire of God that it may be sanctified to spiritual Ends. When thou hearest that another hath spoken any thing to thy Injury or Disparagement beware of a Transport of Anger that thou speak not harshly or unadvisedly against Him or too passionately for Self or as too much concerned for Self Uphold the Reputation of thy Colleague or any that is joyned with thee in Service as thou wouldst thine own Watch against all secret Pleasure in the lessening of another for advancing thy self Pray heartily for the Success of thy Colleague and others who perform the same Service that thou art ingaged in And rejoyce in
Do not value Men according to their Esteem of thee but according to their true Worth Watch against the Expectation of hearing thine own Praise and when such a Thought arises instantly suppress it When thou art commended let not thy Thoughts dwell on it with Delight but let it be to thee as nothing Take heed of too great a Valuation of thine own Work or Usefulness in thy Place and lay not too great a stress thereon When Friends out of Love over-value thee it concerns thee not to over-value thy self nor to take more than thy due though they give it Have a Habit of Compassion towards the Afflicted firmly fixed in thee that the Motions thereof may be sutably stirred up on every Occasion Let an Abhorrence of any Content in anothers Sufferings be deeply imprinted on thee that every Thought thereof may be prevented or instantly suppressed Yea hate all Disregard to anothers Misery Watch against all Eagerness and immoderate Delight in Eating and Drinking and against minding any kind of Food for the pleasing of the Sense Come to thy Meals not like a Bruit but as becomes a Saint Never terminate in the sensitive Pleasure but make use of it to raise thy Heart to God When thou hast eaten so much so that thou thinkest more is not expedient or is better forborn than taken proceed not to a Bit more lest thou be intangled or disturbed Still consider Is this Act I go about agreeable to one that hath Communion with God Will this Act promote Communion with God Do I come to this Act so as to have Communion with God thereby promoted Seek the lawful Contentment of any that are about thee as thou dost thy own and be as glad to gratify them as thy self so far as it is convenient for them Hate and shun all Motions of unworthy Selfishness And see that others be sharers with thee in thy pleasant Things and be not content to have them to thy self alone Be not over sollicitous for humouring thy self in sensitive Suavities but rather suspicious of it and be abstemious from it Always mind and do the present Duty Comply with the present Dispensation and make the most of it Thy business is to please God and God will provide for thy Comfort Lay thy Heart to Rest in the Will of God For there is no other Rest for the Soul to be thought on I will not indent with God for any good but what is included in the Covenant of Grace I will expect no good but according to the Tenor of that Covenant which is all my Salvation and all my Desire I am resolved that Pride shall not set me to Study or Preach or Pray or carry me on in any Service If thoughts of Men-pleasing or Mans Applause steal in with my honest intentions I will instantly cast them out as soon as they be discovered and I will VVatch and Pray for the preventing of them I will Watch when I go forth in my service for God that Pride do not send me forth Mens Opinion of me shall be nothing with me but the pleasing of God and the doing of good shall be my whole scope In performing Prayer I am intent upon God and his Hearing and observing my Thoughts and Words and I earnestly purpose and strive against Thoughts about mens observing and judging of my Performance Nevertheless I do find that together with my sincere and earnest Intention directed to God Thoughts of Regard to Mens Esteem and Judging will too often thrust in do what I can so as either to be pleased or troubled as I think they judge These Thoughts have greatly troubled my Spirit Hereupon I consider That a due Regard to Expressions for Mens sake that they be Affecting and not Offensive is not faulty but necessary and therefore must be heeded And I think that my thoughts above mens judging have this intention at last chiefly that my Expressions be Affecting and not Offensive yet I am jealous of the mixture of Corruption and Vanity I earnestly indeavour to have my Heart so filled with the Apprehension of God's infinite Majesty and my Infinite Concernment in him that all Impertinent thoughts may be quite swallowed up All designing and indeavouring to please men for my own praise I do at that very time detest and abandon yea at that very time I am sure I do very little regard either the Approbation and praise or the disallowance and dispraise of those very Persons about whom my thoughts are apt to run out as aforesaid I do my uttermost to prevent restrain and suppress all such thoughts they are a burden to me There is scarce any thing that stirs within me which hath less of my Will than these thoughts have There is scarce any thing against which I do more watch and pray and strive than against these thoughts And whatsoever tincture of Vanity and Corruption be found in them I am Heartily sorry for it I hate and loath it and I hope that the merciful God will not Impute it to me to the rejecting of my Prayer or to any breach between him and me I find that my very fear of this Evil and desire to avoid it doth draw my thoughts to it as a mans great desire to sleep and his fear that he shall not sleep doth commonly keep him waking These thoughts I abhor not only before and after but in the very time they come in And I strive with might and main against them If God approve my Service and own me in it I shall be abundantly satisfied though men what soever or how-many soever they be should despise and loath it On the contrary If men should never so highly approve it I can never be satisfied if God do not accept and bless it This I am sure of if I be sure of any thing I discern that by care I have brought it to that pass that my thoughts of others present with me in prayer are not with regard to their praiseâ— which I value not but to what is fit to be done by me in that service and to their being affected with it I find I am prone to be anxiously scrupulous yet I should consider that there be insuitable weaknesses as Impertinent thoughts accompanying the best Performances FINIS His WRITINGS Published are 1. HIs History of Col. Massy's Military-Actions at and near Glocester 2. The Interest of England 1st and 2d Part. 3. A Discourse of the Religion of England asserting That Reformed Christianity setled in its due Latitude is the Stability and Advancement of this Kingdom In two Parts 4. The Kingdom of God among Men With a Discourse of Schism and an Account of himself about Conformity Books Printed for Thomas Parkhurst THe Art of Divine Meditation by Edmund Calamy late of Aldermanbury London Mr. Thomas Wadsworth's Remains with Remarkables of his Holy Life and Death There is Printing a Discourse of Mr. Nathaniel Vincent of Self-Examination and Meditations on the Sacrament One Hundred Select Sermons of Thomas Horton late of St. Hellens London A Discourse of Actual Providence by John Collings D. D. An Exposition on the Six First Chapters of the Revelations by Charles Phelps Sermons of Grace and Temptation by Thomas Froysel Ark of the Covenant by George Gelaspy A New-Years-Gift by Thomas Lamb. Christ Display'd by Nathaniel Heywood Heaven or Hell in a Good or Bad Conscience by Nathaniel Vincent Incomparable Excellencies of God in his Attributes and Word by George Swinnock Glimpse of Eternity by Abram Coley An Exposition on the Assemblies Catechism by Thomas Doolitle Another Exposition by Thomas Lye Another by Thomas Vincent Morning-Exercise against Popery by sundry Ministers of the Gospel Four useful Discourses by Jeâ— Burrough Published by Mattheâ— Mead. Present State of New England Husband-man's Companion it divers suitable Meditations by Edward Bury Revival of Grace by Henry Hurst Shepherdy Spiritualized by John Wood. Antidote against the Fear of Death by Edward Bury * In his Funeral-Sermon * Marcus Antoniâ—â—