the_o king_n contrary_a to_o the_o law_n esth._n 4.16_o i_o think_v also_o of_o benhadad_n servant_n who_o go_v with_o rope_n upon_o their_o head_n to_o their_o enemy_n for_o mercy_n 1_o kin._n 20.31_o etc._n etc._n the_o woman_n of_o canaan_n also_o that_o will_v not_o be_v daunt_v though_o call_v dog_n by_o christ_n mat._n 15.22_o etc._n etc._n and_o the_o man_n that_o go_v to_o borrow_v bread_n at_o midnight_n luk._n 11.5_o 6_o 7_o 8_o etc._n etc._n be_v great_a encouragement_n unto_o i_o 206._o i_o never_o see_v those_o height_n and_o depth_n in_o grace_n and_o love_n and_o mercy_n as_o i_o see_v after_o this_o temptation_n great_a sin_n do_v draw_v out_o great_a grace_n and_o where_o guilt_n be_v most_o terrible_a and_o fierce_a there_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n when_o show_v to_o the_o soul_n appear_v most_o high_a and_o mighty_a when_o job_n have_v pass_v through_o his_o captivity_n he_o have_v twice_o as_o much_o as_o he_o have_v before_o job_n 42.10_o bless_a be_v god_n for_o jesus_n christ_n our_o lord_n many_o other_o thing_n i_o may_v here_o make_v observation_n of_o but_o i_o will_v be_v brief_a and_o therefore_o shall_v at_o this_o time_n omit_v they_o and_o do_v pray_v god_n that_o my_o harm_n may_v make_v other_o fear_v to_o offend_v lest_o they_o also_o be_v make_v to_o bear_v the_o iron_n yoke_v as_o i_o 207._o now_o i_o shall_v go_v forward_o to_o give_v you_o a_o relation_n of_o other_o of_o the_o lord_n deal_n with_o i_o of_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o at_o sundâ—y_a other_o season_n and_o of_o the_o temptation_n i_o then_o do_v meet_v withal_o i_o shall_v begin_v with_o what_o i_o meet_v with_o when_o i_o first_o do_v join_v in_o fellowship_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n in_o bedford_n after_o i_o have_v propound_v to_o the_o church_n that_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o walk_v in_o the_o order_n and_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n with_o they_o and_o be_v also_o admit_v by_o they_o while_o i_o think_v of_o that_o bless_a ordinance_n of_o christ_n which_o be_v his_o last_o supper_n with_o his_o disciple_n before_o his_o death_n that_o scripture_n do_v this_o in_o remembrance_n of_o i_o luk._n 22.19_o be_v make_v a_o very_a precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o by_o it_o the_o lord_n do_v come_v down_o upon_o my_o conscience_n with_o the_o discovery_n of_o his_o death_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o as_o i_o then_o feel_v do_v as_o if_o he_o plunge_v i_o in_o the_o virtue_n of_o the_o same_o but_o behold_v i_o have_v not_o be_v long_o a_o partaker_n at_o that_o ordinance_n but_o such_o fierce_a and_o sad_a temptation_n do_v attend_v i_o at_o all_o time_n therein_o both_o to_o blaspheme_v the_o ordinance_n and_o to_o wish_v some_o deadly_a thing_n to_o those_o that_o then_o do_v eat_v thereof_o that_o lest_o i_o shall_v at_o any_o time_n be_v guilty_a of_o consent_v to_o these_o wicked_a and_o fearful_a thought_n i_o be_v force_v to_o bend_v myself_o all_o the_o while_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o blasphemy_n and_o also_o to_o cry_v to_o god_n to_o bless_v the_o bread_n and_o cup_n to_o they_o as_o it_o go_v from_o mouth_n to_o mouth_n the_o reason_n of_o this_o temptation_n i_o have_v think_v since_o be_v because_o i_o do_v not_o with_o that_o reverence_n at_o first_o approach_n to_o partake_v thereof_o 208._o thus_o i_o continue_v for_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n and_o can_v never_o have_v rest_n nor_o ease_n but_o at_o last_o the_o lord_n come_v in_o upon_o my_o soul_n with_o that_o same_o scripture_n by_o which_o my_o soul_n be_v visit_v before_o and_o after_o that_o i_o have_v be_v usual_o very_o well_o and_o comfortable_a in_o the_o partake_n of_o that_o bless_a ordinance_n and_o have_v i_o trust_v therein_o discern_v the_o lord_n body_n as_o break_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o his_o precious_a blood_n have_v be_v shed_v for_o my_o transgression_n 209._o upon_o a_o time_n i_o be_v somewhat_o incline_v to_o a_o consumption_n wherefore_o about_o the_o spring_n i_o be_v sudden_o and_o violent_o seize_v with_o much_o weakness_n in_o my_o outward_a man_n insomuch_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o live_v now_o begin_v i_o afresh_o to_o give_v myself_o up_o to_o a_o serious_a examination_n after_o my_o state_n and_o condition_n for_o the_o future_a and_o of_o my_o evidence_n for_o that_o bless_a world_n to_o come_v for_o it_o have_v i_o bless_v the_o name_n of_o god_n be_v my_o usual_a course_n as_o always_o so_o especial_o in_o the_o day_n of_o affliction_n to_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v my_o interest_n in_o life_n to_o come_v clear_a before_o my_o eye_n 210._o but_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o begin_v to_o recall_v to_o mind_v my_o former_a experience_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o there_o come_v flock_v into_o my_o mind_n a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o transgression_n among_o which_o these_o be_v at_o this_o time_n most_o to_o my_o affliction_n namely_o my_o deadness_n dulness_n and_o coldness_n in_o holy_a duty_n my_o wander_n of_o heart_n my_o wearisomeness_n in_o all_o good_a thing_n my_o want_n of_o love_n to_o god_n his_o way_n and_o people_n with_o this_o at_o the_o end_n of_o all_o be_v these_o the_o fruit_n of_o christianity_n be_v these_o the_o token_n of_o a_o bless_a man_n 211._o at_o the_o apprehension_n of_o these_o thing_n my_o sickness_n be_v double_v upon_o i_o for_o now_o be_v i_o sick_a in_o my_o inward_a man_n my_o soul_n be_v clog_v with_o guilt_n now_o also_o be_v all_o my_o former_a experience_n of_o god_n goodness_n to_o i_o quite_o take_v out_o of_o my_o mind_n and_o hide_v as_o if_o it_o have_v never_o be_v nor_o see_v now_o be_v my_o soul_n great_o pinch_v between_o these_o two_o consideration_n live_v i_o must_v not_o die_v i_o dare_v not_o now_o i_o sink_v and_o fall_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v give_v up_o all_o for_o lose_v but_o as_o i_o be_v walk_v up_o and_o down_o in_o the_o house_n as_o a_o man_n in_o a_o most_o woeful_a state_n that_o word_n of_o god_n take_v hold_v of_o my_o heart_n you_o be_v justify_v free_o by_o his_o grace_n through_o the_o redemption_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 3.24_o 212._o now_o be_v i_o as_o one_o awaken_v out_o of_o some_o troublesome_a sleep_n and_o dream_n and_o listen_v to_o this_o heavenly_a sentence_n i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o hear_v it_o thus_o expound_v to_o i_o sinner_n thou_o think_v that_o because_o of_o thy_o sin_n and_o infirmity_n i_o can_v save_v thy_o soul_n but_o behold_v my_o son_n be_v by_o i_o and_o upon_o he_o i_o look_v and_o not_o on_o tâ—ree_n and_o will_v deal_v with_o thou_o according_a as_o i_o be_o please_v with_o he_o at_o this_o i_o be_v great_o lighten_v in_o my_o mind_n and_o make_v to_o understand_v that_o god_n can_v justify_v a_o sinner_n at_o any_o time_n it_o be_v but_o look_v upon_o christ_n and_o impute_v of_o his_o benefit_n to_o we_o and_o the_o work_n be_v forthwith_o do_v 213._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o a_o muse_n that_o scripture_n come_v with_o great_a power_n upon_o my_o spirit_n not_o by_o work_n of_o righteousness_n that_o we_o have_v do_v but_o according_a to_o his_o mercy_n he_o save_v we_o etc._n etc._n 2_o tim._n 1_o 9_o tit._n 3.5_o now_o be_v i_o get_v on_o high_a i_o see_v myself_o within_o the_o arm_n of_o grace_n and_o mercy_n and_o though_o i_o be_v before_o afraid_a to_o think_v of_o a_o die_a hour_n yet_o now_o i_o cry_v let_v i_o die_v now_o death_n be_v lovely_a and_o beautiful_a in_o my_o sight_n for_o i_o see_v we_o shall_v never_o live_v indeed_o till_o we_o be_v go_v to_o the_o other_o world_n o_o methinks_v this_o life_n be_v but_o a_o slumber_n in_o comparison_n of_o that_o above_o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o see_v more_o in_o those_o word_n heir_n of_o god_n rom._n 8.17_o then_o ever_o i_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o express_v while_o i_o live_v in_o this_o world_n heir_n of_o god_n god_n himself_o be_v the_o portion_n of_o the_o saint_n this_o i_o see_v and_o wonder_v at_o but_o can_v tell_v you_o what_o i_o see_v 214._o at_o another_o time_n though_o just_a before_o i_o be_v pretty_a well_o and_o savoury_a in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o sudden_o there_o fall_v upon_o i_o a_o great_a cloud_n of_o darkness_n which_o do_v so_o hide_v from_o i_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n and_o christ_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v never_o see_v or_o know_v they_o in_o my_o life_n i_o be_v also_o so_o overrun_v in_o my_o soul_n with_o a_o senseless_a heartless_a frame_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v not_o feel_v my_o soul_n to_o move_v or_o stir_v after_o grace_n and_o life_n
grace._n abound_v to_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n or_o a_o brief_a and_o faithful_a relation_n of_o the_o exceed_v mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n to_o his_o poor_a servant_n john_n bunyan_n wherein_o be_v particular_o show_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o conversion_n his_o sight_n and_o trouble_v for_o sin_n his_o dreadful_a temptation_n also_o how_o he_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o how_o the_o lord_n at_o length_n through_o christ_n do_v deliver_v he_o from_o all_o the_o guilt_n and_o terror_n that_o lie_v upon_o he_o whereunto_o be_v add_v a_o brief_a relation_n of_o his_o call_n to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o temptation_n therein_o as_o also_o what_o he_o have_v meet_v with_o in_o prison_n all_o which_o be_v write_v by_o his_o own_o hand_n there_o and_o now_o publish_v for_o the_o support_n of_o the_o weak_a and_o tempt_v people_n of_o god_n come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psal._n 66.16_o london_n print_v by_o george_n larkin_n 1666._o a_o preface_n or_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o publish_n of_o this_o work_n write_v by_o the_o author_n thereof_o and_o dedicate_v to_o those_o who_o god_n have_v count_v he_o worthy_a to_o beget_v to_o faith_n by_o his_o ministry_n in_o the_o word_n child_n grace_n be_v with_o you_o amen_o i_o be_v take_v from_o you_o in_o presence_n and_o so_o tie_v up_o that_o i_o can_v perform_v that_o duty_n that_o from_o god_n do_v lie_v upon_o i_o to_o you-ward_o for_o your_o further_a edify_v and_o build_v up_o in_o faith_n and_o holiness_n etc._n etc._n yet_o that_o you_o may_v see_v my_o soul_n have_v fatherly_a care_n and_o desire_v after_o your_o spiritual_a and_o everlasting_a welfare_n i_o now_o once_o again_o as_o from_o the_o top_n of_o shenir_fw-fr and_o hermon_n so_o from_o the_o lion_n den_n and_o from_o the_o mountain_n of_o the_o leopard_n song_n 4.8_o do_v look_v yet_o after_o you_o all_o great_o long_v to_o see_v your_o safe_a arrival_n into_o the_o desire_a haven_n i_o thank_v god_n upon_o every_o remembrance_n of_o you_o and_o rejoice_v even_o while_o i_o stick_v between_o the_o tooth_n of_o the_o lion_n in_o the_o wilderness_n at_o the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n and_o knowledge_n of_o christ_n our_o saviour_n which_o god_n have_v bestow_v upon_o you_o with_o abundance_n of_o faith_n and_o love_n your_o hungering_n and_o thirsting_n also_o after_o further_a acquaintance_n with_o the_o father_n in_o his_o son_n your_o tenderness_n of_o heart_n your_o tremble_a at_o sin_n your_o sober_a and_o holy_a deportment_n also_o before_o both_o god_n and_o man_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o i_o for_o you_o be_v my_o glory_n and_o joy_n 1_o thes._n 2.20_o i_o have_v send_v you_o here_o enclose_v a_o drop_n of_o that_o honey_n that_o i_o have_v take_v out_o of_o the_o carcase_n of_o a_o lion_n judg._n 14.5_o 6_o 7_o 8._o i_o have_v eat_v thereof_o myself_o also_o and_o be_o much_o refresh_v thereby_o temptation_n when_o we_o meet_v they_o at_o first_o be_v as_o the_o lion_n that_o roar_v upon_o samson_n but_o if_o we_o overcome_v they_o the_o next_o time_n we_o see_v they_o we_o shall_v find_v a_o nest_n of_o honey_n within_o they_o the_o philistian_o understand_v i_o not_o it_o be_v a_o relation_n of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o own_o soul_n even_o from_o the_o very_a first_o till_o now_o wherein_o you_o may_v perceive_v my_o casting_n down_o and_o raising_n up_o for_o he_o wound_v and_o his_o hand_n make_v whole_a it_o be_v write_v in_o the_o scripture_n isai._n 38.19_o the_o father_n to_o the_o child_n shall_v make_v know_v the_o truth_n of_o god_n yea_o it_o be_v for_o this_o reason_n i_o lay_v so_o long_o at_o sinai_n leu._n 4.10_o 11._o to_o see_v the_o fire_n and_o the_o cloud_n and_o the_o darkness_n that_o i_o may_v fear_v the_o lord_n all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n upon_o earth_n and_o tell_v of_o his_o wondrous_a work_n to_o my_o child_n psal._n 78.3_o 4_o 5._o moses_n numb_a 33.1_o 2._o writ_n of_o the_o journeying_n of_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n from_o egypt_n to_o the_o land_n of_o canaan_n and_o command_v also_o that_o they_o do_v remember_v their_o forty_o year_n travel_n in_o the_o wilderness_n thou_o shall_v remem-all_a the_o way_n which_o the_o lord_n thy_o god_n lead_v thou_o these_o forty_o year_n in_o the_o wilderness_n to_o humble_v thou_o and_o to_o prove_v thou_o and_o to_o know_v what_o be_v in_o thy_o heart_n whether_o thou_o will_v keep_v his_o commandment_n or_o no_o deut._n 8.2_o 3._o wherefore_o this_o i_o have_v endeavour_v to_o do_v and_o not_o only_o so_o but_o to_o publish_v it_o also_o that_o if_o god_n will_v other_o may_v be_v put_v in_o remembrance_n of_o of_o what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o their_o soul_n by_o read_v his_o work_n upon_o i_o it_o be_v profitable_a for_o christian_n to_o be_v often_o call_v to_o mind_n the_o very_a beginning_n of_o grace_n with_o their_o soul_n it_o be_v a_o night_n to_o be_v much_o observe_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o bring_v they_o out_o from_o the_o land_n of_o egypt_n this_o be_v that_o night_n of_o the_o lord_n to_o be_v observe_v of_o all_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n in_o their_o generation_n exod._n 12.42_o my_o god_n say_v david_n psal._n 42.6_o my_o soul_n be_v cast_v down_o within_o i_o but_o i_o will_v remember_v thou_o from_o the_o land_n of_o jordan_n and_o of_o the_o hermonite_n from_o the_o hill_n mizar_n he_o remember_v also_o the_o lion_n and_o the_o bear_n when_o he_o go_v to_o fight_v with_o the_o giant_n of_o gath_n 1_o sam._n 17.36_o 37_o it_o be_v paul_n accustom_a manner_n act_v 22._o and_o that_o when_o try_v for_o his_o life_n act_v 24._o even_o to_o open_v before_o his_o judge_n the_o manner_n of_o his_o conversion_n he_o will_v think_v of_o that_o day_n and_o that_o hour_n in_o the_o which_o he_o first_o do_v meet_v with_o grace_n for_o he_o find_v it_o support_v unto_o he_o when_o god_n have_v bring_v the_o child_n of_o israel_n through_o the_o red_a sea_n far_o into_o the_o wilderness_n yet_o they_o must_v turn_v quite_o about_o thither_o again_o to_o remember_v the_o drown_n of_o their_o enemy_n there_o num._n 14.25_o for_o though_o they_o sing_v his_o praise_n before_o yet_o they_o soon_o forget_v his_o work_n psal._n 106.11_o 12._o in_o this_o discourse_n of_o i_o you_o may_v see_v much_o much_o i_o say_v of_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o i_o thank_v god_n i_o can_v count_v it_o much_o for_o it_o be_v above_o my_o sin_n and_o satan_n temptation_n too_o i_o can_v remember_v my_o fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o sad_a month_n with_o comfort_n they_o be_v as_o the_o head_n of_o goliath_n in_o my_o hand_n there_o be_v nothing_o to_o david_n like_o goliahs_n sword_n even_o that_o sword_n that_o shall_v have_v be_v sheathe_v in_o his_o bowel_n for_o the_o very_a sight_n and_o remembrance_n of_o that_o do_v preach_v forth_o god_n deliverance_n to_o he_o o_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o great_a sin_n of_o my_o great_a temptation_n and_o of_o my_o great_a fear_n of_o perish_v for_o ever_o they_o bring_v fresh_a into_o my_o mind_n the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o great_a help_n my_o great_a support_n from_o heaven_n and_o the_o great_a grace_n that_o god_n extend_v to_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o my_o dear_a child_n call_v to_o mind_v the_o former_a day_n the_o year_n of_o ancient_a time_n remember_v also_o your_o song_n in_o the_o night_n and_o commune_v with_o your_o own_o heart_n psal._n 73.5_o 6_o 7_o 8_o 9_o 10_o 11_o 12._o yea_o look_v diligent_o and_o leave_v no_o corner_n therein_o unsearched_a for_o there_o be_v treasure_n hide_v even_o the_o treasure_n of_o your_o first_o and_o second_o experience_n of_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n towards_o you_o remember_v i_o say_v the_o word_n that_o first_o lay_v hold_v upon_o you_o remember_v your_o terror_n of_o conscience_n and_o fear_v of_o death_n and_o hell_n remember_v also_o your_o tear_n and_o prayer_n to_o god_n yea_o how_o you_o sigh_v under_o every_o hedge_n for_o mercy_n have_v you_o never_o a_o hill_n mizar_n to_o remember_v have_v you_o forget_v the_o close_a the_o milk-house_n the_o stable_a the_o barn_n and_o the_o like_a where_o god_n do_v visit_v your_o soul_n remember_v also_o the_o word_n the_o word_n i_o say_v upon_o which_o the_o lord_n have_v cause_v you_o to_o hope_v if_o you_o have_v sin_v against_o light_n if_o you_o be_v tempt_v to_o blaspheme_v if_o you_o be_v down_o in_o despair_n if_o you_o think_v god_n fight_v against_o you_o or_o if_o heaven_n be_v hide_v from_o your_o eye_n remember_v it_o be_v thus_o with_o your_o father_n but_o out_o of_o they_o all_o the_o lord_n deliver_v
with_o such_o conceit_n as_o these_o i_o shall_v think_v that_o god_n do_v mock_v at_o these_o my_o prayer_n say_v and_o that_o in_o the_o audience_n of_o the_o holy_a angel_n this_o poor_a simple_a wretch_n do_v hanker_v after_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o my_o mercy_n but_o to_o bestow_v it_o on_o such_o as_o he_o alas_o poor_a fool_n how_o be_v thou_o deceive_v it_o be_v not_o for_o such_o as_o thou_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o the_o high_a 90._o then_o have_v the_o tempter_n come_v upon_o i_o also_o with_o such_o discouragement_n as_o these_o you_o be_v very_o hot_a for_o mercy_n but_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o this_o frame_n shall_v not_o last_v always_o many_o have_v be_v as_o hot_a as_o you_o for_o a_o spirit_n but_o i_o have_v quench_v their_o zeal_n and_o with_o this_o such_o and_o such_o who_o be_v fall_v off_o will_v be_v set_v before_o my_o eye_n than_o i_o shall_v be_v afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v do_v so_o too_o but_o think_v i_o i_o be_o glad_a this_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n well_o i_o will_v watch_v and_o take_v what_o heed_n i_o can_v though_o you_o do_v say_v satan_n i_o shall_v be_v too_o hard_a for_o you_o i_o will_v cool_v you_o insensible_o by_o degree_n by_o little_a and_o little_a what_o care_v i_o say_v he_o though_o i_o be_v seven_o year_n in_o chill_v your_o heart_n if_o i_o can_v do_v it_o at_o last_o continual_a rock_n will_v lull_v a_o cry_a child_n asleep_o i_o will_v ply_v it_o close_o but_o i_o will_v have_v my_o end_n accomplish_v though_o you_o be_v burn_v hot_a at_o present_a yet_o if_o i_o can_v pull_v you_o from_o this_o fire_n i_o shall_v have_v you_o cold_a before_o it_o be_v long_o these_o thing_n bring_v i_o into_o great_a straits_n for_o as_o i_o at_o present_a can_v not_o find_v myself_o fit_a for_o present_a death_n so_o i_o think_v to_o live_v long_o will_v make_v i_o yet_o more_o unfit_a for_o time_n will_v make_v i_o forget_v all_o and_o wear_v even_o the_o remembrance_n of_o the_o evil_a of_o sin_n the_o worth_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o need_v i_o have_v of_o the_o blood_n of_o châ—ist_n to_o wash_v i_o both_o out_o of_o mind_n and_o thought_n but_o i_o thank_v christ_n jesus_n these_o thing_n do_v not_o at_o present_a make_v i_o slack_v my_o cry_n but_o rather_o do_v put_v i_o more_o upon_o it_o like_o she_o who_o meet_v with_o the_o adulterer_n deut._n 22.25_o in_o which_o day_n that_o be_v a_o good_a word_n to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v suffer_v these_o thing_n a_o while_n i_o be_o persuade_v that_o neither_o death_n nor_o life_n etc._n etc._n shall_v separate_v we_o from_o the_o love_n of_o god_n which_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n rom._n 8.38_o and_o now_o i_o hope_v long_a life_n shall_v not_o destroy_v i_o nor_o make_v i_o miss_v of_o heaven_n 91._o yet_o i_o have_v some_o support_n in_o this_o temptation_n though_o they_o be_v then_o all_o question_v by_o i_o that_o in_o the_o three_o of_o jeremiah_n at_o the_o fiâ—st_n be_v something_o to_o i_o and_o so_o be_v the_o consideration_n of_o the_o five_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n that_o though_o we_o have_v speak_v and_o do_v evil_a thing_n as_o we_o can_v yet_o we_o shall_v cry_v unto_o god_n my_o father_n thou_o be_v the_o guide_n of_o my_o youth_n and_o shall_v return_v unto_o he_o 92._o i_o have_v also_o once_o a_o sweet_a glance_n from_o that_o in_o â—_o cor._n 5.21_o for_o he_o have_v make_v he_o to_o be_v sin_n for_o we_o who_o know_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o i_o remember_v also_o that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v sit_v in_o a_o neighbour_n house_n and_o there_o very_o sad_a at_o the_o consideration_n of_o my_o many_o blasphemy_n and_o as_o i_o be_v say_v in_o my_o mind_n what_o ground_n have_v i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o who_o have_v be_v so_o vile_a and_o abominable_a shall_v ever_o inherit_v eternal_a life_n that_o word_n come_v sudden_o upon_o i_o what_o shall_v we_o say_v to_o these_o thing_n if_o god_n be_v for_o we_o who_o can_v be_v against_o we_o rom._n 8.31_o that_o also_o be_v a_o help_n unto_o i_o because_o i_o live_v you_o shall_v live_v also_o joh._n 14.19_o but_o these_o be_v but_o hint_n touch_n and_o short_a visit_n though_o very_o sweet_a when_o present_a only_o they_o last_v not_o but_o like_a to_o peter_n sheet_n of_o a_o sudden_a be_v catch_v up_o from_o i_o to_o heaven_n again_o act._n 10.16_o 93._o but_o afterward_o the_o lord_n do_v more_o full_o and_o gracious_o discover_v himself_o unto_o i_o and_o indeed_o do_v quite_o not_o only_o deliver_v i_o from_o the_o guilt_n that_o by_o these_o thing_n be_v lay_v upon_o my_o conscience_n but_o also_o from_o the_o very_a filth_n thereof_o for_o the_o temptation_n be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v put_v into_o my_o right_a mind_n again_o as_o other_o christian_n be_v 94._o i_o remember_v that_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v travel_v into_o the_o country_n and_o muse_v on_o the_o wickedness_n and_o blasphemy_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o consider_v of_o the_o enmity_n that_o be_v in_o i_o to_o god_n that_o scripture_n come_v in_o my_o mind_n he_o have_v make_v peace_n by_o the_o blood_n of_o his_o cross_n col._n 1.20_o by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v both_o again_o and_o again_o and_o again_o that_o day_n that_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n be_v friend_n by_o this_o blood_n yea_o i_o see_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n and_o my_o sinful_a soul_n can_v embrace_v and_o kiss_v each_o other_o through_o this_o blood_n thiâ—_n be_v a_o good_a day_n to_o i_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v not_o forget_v it_o 95._o at_o another_o time_n as_o i_o be_v set_v by_o the_o fiâ—e_n in_o my_o house_n and_o muse_v on_o my_o wretchedness_n the_o lord_n make_v that_o also_o a_o precious_a word_n unto_o i_o for_o as_o much_o then_o as_o the_o child_n be_v partaker_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n he_o also_o himself_o likewise_o take_v part_n of_o thâ—_n same_o that_o through_o death_n he_o may_v destroy_v he_o that_o have_v the_o power_n of_o death_n that_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o deliver_v those_o who_o through_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n be_v all_o their_o life_n time_n subject_a to_o bondage_n heb._n 2.14_o 15._o i_o think_v that_o the_o glory_n of_o these_o word_n be_v then_o so_o weighty_a on_o i_o that_o i_o be_v both_o once_o and_o twice_o ready_a to_o swoon_v as_o i_o sit_v yet_o not_o with_o grief_n and_o trouble_n but_o with_o solid_a joy_n and_o peace_n 96._o at_o this_o time_n also_o i_o sit_v under_o the_o ministry_n of_o holy_a mr._n gifford_n who_o doctrine_n by_o god_n grace_n be_v much_o for_o my_o stability_n this_o man_n make_v it_o much_o his_o business_n to_o deliver_v the_o people_n of_o god_n from_o all_o those_o false_a and_o unsound_a rest_n that_o by_o nature_n we_o be_v prone_a to_o take_v and_o make_v to_o our_o soul_n he_o press_v we_o to_o take_v special_a heed_n that_o we_o take_v not_o up_o any_o truth_n upon_o trust_n as_o from_o this_o or_o that_o or_o another_o man_n or_o man_n but_o to_o cry_v mighty_o to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v convince_v we_o of_o the_o reality_n thereof_o and_o set_v we_o down_o therein_o by_o his_o own_o spirit_n in_o the_o holy_a word_n for_o say_v he_o if_o you_o do_v otherwise_o when_o temptation_n come_v if_o strong_o you_o not_o have_v receive_v they_o with_o evidence_n from_o heaven_n will_v find_v you_o want_v that_o help_n and_o strength_n now_o to_o resist_v as_o once_o you_o think_v you_o have_v 97._o this_o be_v as_o seasonable_a to_o my_o soul_n as_o the_o former_a and_o latter_a rain_n in_o their_o season_n for_o i_o have_v find_v and_o that_o by_o sad_a experience_n the_o truth_n of_o these_o his_o word_n for_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o man_n can_v say_v especial_o when_o tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n that_o jesus_n christ_n be_v lord_n but_o by_o the_o holy_a ghost_n wherefore_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n through_o grace_n very_o apt_a to_o drink_v in_o this_o doctrine_n and_o to_o incline_v to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o in_o nothing_o that_o pertain_v to_o god_n glory_n and_o my_o own_o eternal_a happiness_n he_o will_v suffer_v i_o to_o be_v without_o the_o confirmation_n thereof_o from_o heaven_n for_o now_o i_o see_v clear_o there_o be_v a_o exceed_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o notion_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n and_o the_o revelation_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n also_o a_o great_a difference_n between_o that_o faith_n that_o be_v feign_v and_o according_a to_o man_n wisdom_n and_o of_o that_o which_o come_v by_o a_o man_n be_v bear_v thereto_o of_o god_n mat._n 16.15_o 16._o 1_o john_n 5.1_o 98._o
very_a deep_a pause_n about_o the_o most_o fearful_a state_n my_o sin_n have_v bring_v i_o to_o and_o after_o long_o muse_v i_o lift_v up_o my_o head_n but_o i_o think_v i_o see_v as_o if_o the_o sun_n that_o shine_v in_o the_o heaven_n do_v grudge_v to_o give_v i_o light_n and_o as_o if_o the_o very_a stone_n the_o street_n and_o tile_n upon_o the_o house_n do_v bend_v themselves_o against_o i_o o_o how_o happâ—_n now_o be_v every_o creature_n over_o i_o be_v for_o they_o stooâ—_n fast_o and_o keep_v their_o station_n but_o i_o be_v go_v anâ—_n lose_v 143._o then_o break_v out_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o say_v with_o a_o grievous_a sigh_n how_o can_v god_n comfort_v such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o but_o this_o return_v upon_o i_o as_o a_o echo_n do_v answer_v a_o voice_n this_o sin_n be_v not_o unto_o death_n at_o which_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v raise_v out_o of_o a_o grave_n and_o cry_v out_o again_o lord_n how_o can_v thou_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o this_o for_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o admiration_n at_o the_o firness_n and_o also_o at_o the_o unexpectedness_n of_o the_o sentence_n 144._o now_o i_o be_v in_o hope_n that_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o unpardonable_a but_o that_o there_o may_v be_v hope_n for_o i_o to_o obtain_v forgiveness_n but_o o_o how_o satan_n now_o diâ—_n lie_v about_o he_o for_o to_o bring_v i_o down_o again_o but_o he_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n do_v it_o neither_o this_o day_n nor_o the_o most_o part_n of_o the_o next_o for_o this_o good_a sentence_n stand_v like_o a_o mill-post_n at_o my_o back_n yet_o towards_o the_o evening_n of_o the_o next_o day_n i_o feel_v this_o word_n begin_v to_o leave_v i_o and_o to_o withdraw_v its_o supportation_n from_o i_o and_o so_o i_o return_v to_o my_o old_a fear_n again_o but_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o grudge_v and_o peevishness_n for_o i_o fear_v the_o sorrow_n of_o it_o 145._o but_o the_o next_o day_n at_o evening_n be_v under_o many_o fear_n i_o go_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o as_o i_o pray_v i_o cry_v to_o he_o in_o these_o word_n o_o lord_n i_o beseech_v thou_o show_v i_o that_o thou_o have_v lâ—ved_v i_o with_o a_o everlasting_a love_n jer._n 31.3_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o but_o with_o sweetness_n it_o return_v upon_o i_o i_o have_v love_v thou_o with_o a_o everlasting_a lâ—ve_n now_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n at_o quiet_a also_o when_o i_o awake_v the_o next_o morning_n it_o be_v fresh_a upon_o my_o soul_n 146._o but_o yet_o the_o tempter_n leave_v i_o not_o for_o it_o can_v not_o be_v so_o little_a as_o a_o hundâ—ed_o time_n that_o he_o that_o day_n do_v labour_n to_o break_v my_o peace_n o_o the_o combat_n and_o conflict_n that_o i_o do_v then_o meet_v with_o as_o i_o strive_v to_o hold_v by_o this_o word_n that_o of_o esau_n will_v fly_v in_o my_o face_n like_v to_o lightning_n i_o shall_v be_v sometime_o up_o and_o down_o twenty_o time_n in_o a_o hour_n yet_o god_n do_v bear_v i_o up_o and_o keep_v my_o heart_n upon_o this_o word_n from_o which_o i_o have_v also_o for_o several_a day_n together_o very_a much_o sweetness_n and_o comfortable_a hope_n of_o pardon_n for_o thus_o it_o be_v make_v out_o to_o i_o i_o love_v thou_o whilst_o thou_o be_v commit_v this_o sin_n i_o love_v thou_o before_o i_o love_v thou_o still_o and_o i_o will_v love_v thou_o for_o ever_o 147._o yet_o i_o see_v my_o sin_n most_o barbarous_a and_o a_o filthy_a crime_n and_o can_v not_o but_o conclude_v and_o that_o with_o great_a shame_n and_o astonishment_n that_o i_o have_v horrible_o abuse_v the_o holy_a son_n of_o god_n wherefore_o i_o feel_v my_o soul_n great_o to_o love_n and_o pity_v he_o and_o my_o bowel_n to_o yearn_v towards_o he_o for_o i_o see_v he_o be_v still_o my_o friend_n and_o do_v reward_v i_o good_a for_o evil_a yea_o the_o love_n and_o affection_n that_o then_o do_v burn_v within_o to_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n do_v work_v at_o this_o time_n such_o strong_a and_o hot_a desire_n of_o revengement_n upon_o myself_o for_o the_o abuse_n i_o have_v do_v unto_o he_o that_o to_o speak_v as_o then_o i_o think_v have_v i_o have_v a_o thousand_o gallon_n of_o blood_n within_o my_o vein_n i_o can_v free_o have_v spill_v it_o all_o at_o the_o command_n and_o foot_n of_o this_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n 148._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o muse_v and_o in_o my_o study_n how_o to_o love_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o express_v my_o love_n to_o he_o that_o say_v come_v in_o upon_o i_o if_o thou_o lord_n shall_v mark_v iniquity_n o_o lord_n who_o shall_v stand_v but_o there_o be_v forgiveness_n with_o thou_o that_o thou_o may_v be_v fear_v psal._n 130.4_o these_o be_v good_a word_n to_o i_o especial_o the_o latter_a part_n thereof_o to_o wit_n that_o there_o be_v forgiveness_n with_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o may_v be_v fear_v that_o be_v as_o than_o i_o understand_v it_o that_o he_o may_v be_v love_v and_o have_v in_o reverence_n for_o it_o be_v thus_o make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o the_o great_a god_n do_v setâ—_n foâ—_n high_a a_o esteem_n upon_o the_o love_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n thâ—â—_n rather_o than_o he_o will_v go_v without_o their_o love_n he_o will_v pardon_v their_o transgression_n 149._o and_o now_o be_v that_o word_n fulfil_v on_o i_o and_o i_o be_v also_o refresh_v by_o it_o then_o shall_v they_o be_v ashamed_a and_o confound_v and_o never_o open_v their_o mouth_n any_o more_o because_o of_o their_o shame_n when_o i_o be_o pacify_v towards_o thou_o for_o all_o that_o thou_o have_v do_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n ezek._n 16.36_o thus_o be_v my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n and_o as_o i_o then_o do_v think_v for_o ever_o set_v at_o liberty_n from_o be_v again_o afflict_v with_o my_o former_a guilt_n and_o amazement_n 150._o but_o before_o many_o week_n be_v over_o i_o begin_v to_o dispond_v again_o fear_v lest_o notwithstanding_o all_o that_o i_o have_v enjoy_v that_o yet_o i_o may_v be_v deceive_v and_o destroy_v at_o the_o last_o for_o this_o consideration_n come_v strong_a into_o my_o mind_n that_o whatever_o comfort_n and_o peace_n i_o think_v i_o may_v have_v from_o the_o word_n of_o the_o promise_n of_o life_n yet_o unless_o there_o can_v be_v find_v in_o my_o refreshment_n a_o concurrence_n and_o agreement_n in_o the_o scripture_n let_v i_o think_v what_o i_o will_v thereof_o and_o hold_v it_o never_o so_o fast_o i_o shall_v find_v no_o such_o thing_n at_o the_o end_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v john_n 10.35_o 151._o now_o begin_v my_o heart_n again_o to_o take_v and_o fear_v i_o may_v meet_v with_o disappointment_n at_o the_o last_o wherefore_o i_o begin_v with_o all_o seriousness_n to_o examine_v my_o former_a comfort_n and_o to_o consider_v whether_o one_o that_o have_v sin_v as_o i_o have_v do_v may_v with_o confidence_n trust_v upon_o the_o faithfulness_n of_o god_n lay_v down_o in_o those_o word_n by_o which_o i_o have_v be_v comfort_v and_o on_o which_o i_o have_v lean_v myself_o but_o now_o be_v bring_v those_o say_n to_o my_o mind_n for_o it_o be_v impossible_a for_o those_o who_o be_v once_o enlighten_v and_o have_v taste_v the_o heavenly_a gift_n and_o be_v make_v partaker_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o have_v taste_v the_o good_a word_n of_o god_n and_o the_o power_n of_o the_o world_n to_o come_v if_o they_o shall_v fall_v away_o to_o renew_v thâ—m_n again_o unto_o repentance_n heb._n 6._o for_o if_o we_o sin_v wilful_o after_o we_o have_v receive_v the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n but_o a_o certain_a fearful_a look_v for_o of_o judgement_n and_o fiery_a indignation_n which_o shall_v devour_v the_o adutrsary_n heb._n 10._o even_o as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n heb._n 12._o 152._o now_o be_v the_o word_n of_o the_o gospel_n force_v from_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o no_o promise_n or_o encouragement_n be_v to_o be_v find_v in_o the_o bible_n for_o i_o and_o now_o will_v that_o say_n work_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o afflict_v i_o rejoice_v not_o o_o israel_n for_o joy_n as_o other_o people_n hos._n 9.1_o for_o i_o see_v indeed_o there_o be_v cause_n of_o rejoice_v for_o those_o that_o hold_v to_o jesus_n but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v cut_v myself_o off_o by_o my_o transgression_n and_o leave_v
be_v eternal_a and_o thus_o i_o reason_v with_o myself_o if_o i_o provide_v only_o for_o a_o prison_n than_o the_o whip_n come_v at_o unaware_o and_o so_o do_v also_o the_o pillory_n again_o if_o i_o provide_v only_o for_o these_o than_o i_o be_o not_o fit_a for_o banishment_n further_o if_o i_o conclude_v that_o banishment_n be_v the_o worst_a then_o if_o death_n come_v i_o be_o surprise_v so_o that_o i_o see_v the_o best_a way_n to_o go_v through_o suffering_n be_v to_o trust_v in_o god_n through_o christ_n as_o touch_v the_o world_n to_o come_v and_o as_o touch_v this_o world_n to_o count_v the_o grave_a my_o house_n to_o make_v my_o bed_n in_o darkness_n to_o say_v to_o corruption_n thou_o be_v my_o father_n and_o to_o the_o worm_n thou_o be_v my_o mother_n and_o sister_n that_o be_v to_o familiarize_v these_o thing_n to_o i_o 260._o but_o notwithstanding_o these_o help_n i_o find_v myself_o a_o man_n and_o compass_v with_o infirmity_n the_o part_n with_o my_o wife_n and_o poor_a child_n have_v oft_o be_v to_o i_o in_o tâ—is_fw-la place_n as_o the_o pull_v the_o flesh_n from_o my_o bone_n and_o that_o not_o only_o because_o i_o be_o somewhat_o too_o too_o fond_a of_o these_o great_a mercy_n but_o also_o because_o i_o shall_v have_v often_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n the_o many_o hardship_n misery_n and_o want_n that_o my_o poor_a family_n be_v like_a to_o meet_v with_o shall_v i_o be_v take_v from_o they_o especial_o my_o poor_a blind_a child_n who_o lie_v neaâ—er_v my_o heart_n than_o all_o i_o have_v beside_o o_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o hardship_n i_o think_v this_o may_v go_v under_o will_v break_v my_o heart_n to_o piece_n 261._o poor_a child_n think_v i_o what_o sorrow_n be_v thou_o like_v to_o have_v for_o thy_o portion_n in_o this_o world_n thou_o must_v be_v â—eaten_v must_v beg_v suffer_v hunger_n cold_a nakedness_n and_o a_o thousand_o calamity_n though_o i_o can_v now_o endure_v the_o wind_n shall_v blow_v upon_o thou_o but_o yet_o recall_v myself_o think_v i_o i_o must_v venture_v you_o all_o with_o god_n though_o it_o go_v to_o the_o quick_a to_o leave_v you_o o_o i_o see_v in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v as_o a_o man_n who_o be_v pull_v down_o his_o house_n upon_o the_o head_n of_o his_o wife_n and_o child_n yet_o think_v i_o i_o must_v do_v it_o i_o must_v do_v it_o and_o now_o i_o think_v of_o those_o two_o milch_n cow_n that_o be_v to_o carry_v the_o ark_n of_o god_n into_o another_o country_n and_o to_o leave_v their_o calf_n behind_o they_o 1_o sam._n 6.10_o 11_o 12._o 262._o but_o that_o which_o help_v i_o in_o this_o temptation_n be_v divers_a consideration_n of_o which_o thâ—ee_o in_o special_a here_o i_o will_v name_v the_o first_o be_v the_o consideration_n of_o those_o two_o scripture_n leave_v thy_o fatherless_a child_n i_o will_v preserve_v they_o alive_a and_o let_v thy_o widow_n trust_n in_o i_o and_o again_o the_o lord_n say_v very_o it_o shall_v go_v well_o with_o thy_o remnant_n very_o i_o will_v cause_v the_o enemy_n to_o entreat_v thou_o well_o in_o the_o time_n of_o evil_n etc._n etc._n 263._o i_o have_v also_o this_o consideration_n that_o â—f_o i_o shall_v now_o venture_v all_o for_o god_n i_o engage_v god_n to_o take_v care_n of_o my_o concernment_n but_o if_o i_o forsake_v he_o and_o his_o way_n for_o fear_v of_o any_o trouble_n that_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o or_o i_o than_o i_o shall_v not_o only_o falsify_v my_o profession_n but_o shall_v count_v also_o that_o my_o conceâ—nments_n be_v not_o so_o sure_a if_o leave_v at_o god_n foot_n while_o i_o stand_v to_o and_o for_o his_o name_n as_o they_o will_v be_v if_o they_o be_v under_o my_o own_o tuition_n though_o with_o the_o denial_n of_o the_o way_n of_o god_n this_o be_v a_o smart_a consideration_n and_o be_v as_o spur_n unto_o my_o flesh_n that_o scripture_n also_o great_o help_v it_o to_o fasten_v the_o more_o upon_o i_o where_o christ_n pâ—ays_v against_o judas_n that_o god_n wouâ—d_v disappoint_v he_o in_o all_o his_o selfish_a thought_n which_o move_v he_o to_o sell_v his_o master_n pray_v read_v it_o sober_o psal._n 109.6_o 7_o 8_o etc._n etc._n 264._o i_o have_v also_o another_o consideration_n and_o that_o be_v the_o dread_n of_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n which_o i_o be_v sure_a they_o must_v partake_v of_o that_o for_o fear_n of_o the_o cross_n do_v shrink_v from_o their_o profession_n of_o christ_n his_o word_n and_o law_n â—efore_o the_o son_n of_o man_n and_o of_o the_o glory_n that_o he_o have_v prepare_v for_o those_o that_o in_o faith_n and_o love_n and_o patience_n stand_v to_o his_o way_n before_o they_o these_o thing_n i_o say_v have_v help_v i_o when_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o misery_n that_o both_o myself_o and_o my_o might_n for_o the_o sake_n of_o my_o profession_n be_v expose_v to_o have_v lie_v pinch_v on_o my_o mind_n 265._o when_o i_o have_v indeed_o conceit_v that_o i_o may_v be_v banish_v for_o my_o profession_n than_o i_o have_v think_v of_o that_o scripture_n they_o be_v stone_v they_o be_v saw_v asunder_o be_v tempt_v be_v slay_v with_o the_o sword_n they_o wander_v about_o in_o sheepskin_n and_o goatskin_n be_v destitute_a afflict_a torment_a of_o who_o the_o world_n be_v not_o worthy_a for_o all_o they_o think_v they_o be_v too_o bad_a to_o dwell_v and_o abide_v among_o they_o i_o have_v also_o think_v of_o that_o say_n the_o holy_a ghost_n witness_v in_o every_o city_n that_o bond_n and_o affliction_n abide_v i_o i_o have_v very_o think_v that_o my_o soul_n and_o it_o have_v sometime_o reason_v about_o the_o sore_a &_o sad_a estate_n of_o a_o banish_a and_o exile_a condition_n how_o they_o be_v expose_v to_o hunger_n to_o cold_a to_o peril_n to_o nakedness_n to_o enemy_n and_o a_o thousand_o calamity_n and_o at_o last_o it_o may_v be_v to_o die_v in_o a_o diâ—ch_n like_o a_o poor_a forlorn_a and_o desolate_a sheep_n but_o i_o thank_v god_n hitherto_o i_o have_v not_o be_v move_v by_o these_o most_o delicate_a reason_n but_o have_v rather_o by_o they_o more_o approve_v my_o heart_n to_o god_n 266._o i_o will_v tell_v you_o oâ—_n a_o pretty_a business_n i_o be_v once_o above_o all_o the_o rest_n in_o a_o very_a faâ—t_n and_o low_a condition_n for_o many_o week_n at_o which_o time_n also_o i_o be_v but_o a_o young_a prisoner_n and_o not_o acquaint_v with_o the_o law_n have_v this_o lay_n much_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o imprisonment_n may_v end_v at_o the_o gallow_n for_o aught_o that_o i_o can_v tell_v now_o therefore_o satan_n say_v hard_o at_o i_o to_o beat_v i_o out_o of_o heart_n by_o suggest_v thus_o unto_o i_o but_o how_o if_o when_o you_o come_v indeed_o to_o die_v you_o shall_v be_v in_o this_o condition_n that_o be_v as_o not_o to_o savour_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n not_o to_o have_v any_o evidence_n upon_o your_o soul_n for_o a_o better_a state_n hereafter_o for_o indeed_o at_o that_o time_n all_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n be_v hide_v from_o my_o soul._n 267._o wherefore_o when_o i_o at_o first_o begin_v to_o think_v of_o this_o it_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o i_o for_o i_o think_v with_o myself_o that_o in_o the_o condition_n i_o now_o be_v in_o i_o be_v not_o fit_a to_o die_v neither_o indeed_o do_v think_v i_o can_v if_o i_o shall_v be_v call_v to_o it_o beside_o i_o think_v with_o myself_o if_o i_o shall_v make_v a_o scrable_a shifâ—_n to_o clamber_v up_o the_o ladder_n yet_o i_o shall_v either_o with_o quake_v or_o other_o symptom_n of_o faint_n give_v occaâ—ion_n to_o the_o enemy_n to_o reproach_v the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o his_o people_n for_o their_o timerousness_n this_o therefore_o lay_v with_o great_a trouble_n upon_o i_o for_o methinks_v i_o be_v ashamed_a to_o die_v with_o a_o pale_a face_n and_o totter_a knee_n for_o such_o a_o cause_n as_o this_o 268._o wherefore_o i_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v coâ—fort_v i_o and_o give_v i_o strength_n to_o do_v and_o suffer_v what_o he_o shall_v call_v i_o to_o yet_o no_o comfort_n appear_v but_o all_o continue_v hide_v i_o be_v also_o at_o this_o time_n so_o real_o possess_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o death_n that_o oft_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o be_v on_o the_o ladder_n with_o the_o rope_n about_o my_o neck_n only_o this_o be_v some_o encouragement_n to_o i_o i_o think_v i_o may_v have_v now_o a_o opportunity_n to_o speak_v my_o last_o word_n to_o a_o multitude_n which_o i_o think_v will_v come_v to_o see_v i_o die_v and_o think_v i_o if_o it_o must_v be_v so_o if_o god_n will_v but_o convelt_v one_o soul_n by_o my_o very_a last_o word_n i_o shall_v for_o count_v my_o life_n throw_v away_o nor_o lose_v
269._o but_o yet_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n be_v keep_v out_o of_o my_o sight_n and_o still_o the_o tempter_n follow_v i_o with_o but_o whither_o must_v you_o go_v when_o you_o die_v what_o will_v become_v of_o you_o whâ—re_o will_v you_o be_v find_v in_o â—nother_n world_n what_o evidence_n have_v you_o for_o heaven_n and_o gloâ—y_n and_o a_o inheritance_n aâ—ong_v they_o that_o be_v sanctify_v thus_o be_v i_o toss_v for_o many_o week_n and_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v at_o last_o this_o consideration_n fall_v with_o weight_n upon_o i_o that_o it_o be_v for_o the_o word_n and_o way_n of_o gâ—d_n that_o i_o be_v in_o this_o condition_n wherefore_o i_o be_v engage_v nor_o to_o flinch_v a_o hair_n breadth_n from_o it_o 270_o i_o think_v also_o that_o god_n may_v choose_v whether_o he_o will_v give_v i_o comfort_v now_o or_o at_o the_o hour_n of_o death_n but_o i_o may_v not_o therefore_o choose_v whetheâ—_n i_o will_v hold_v my_o profession_n or_o no_o i_o be_v bind_v but_o he_o be_v free_a yea_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o stand_v to_o his_o word_n whether_o he_o will_v ever_o look_v upon_o i_o or_o no_o or_o save_v i_o aâ—_n the_o last_o wherefore_o think_v i_o the_o point_n be_v thus_o i_o be_o for_o go_v on_o and_o venture_v my_o eternal_a state_n with_o christ_n whether_o i_o have_v comfort_n here_o or_o no_o if_o god_n do_v not_o come_v in_o think_v i_o i_o will_v leap_v off_o the_o ladder_n even_o blindfold_a into_o eternity_n sinâ—_n or_o swim_v come_v heaven_n come_v hell_n lord_n jesus_n if_o thou_o will_v catch_v i_o do_v i_o will_v venture_v for_o thy_o name_n 271._o i_o be_v no_o sooâ—er_o fix_v upon_o this_o resolution_n but_o that_o word_n drop_v upon_o i_o do_v job_n serve_v god_n for_o no_o â—ight_n as_o if_o the_o accuser_n have_v say_v lord_n job_n be_v no_o upright_a man_n he_o serve_v thou_o for_o by_o respect_n have_v thou_o not_o make_v a_o hedge_n about_o he_o etc._n etc._n but_o put_v forth_o now_o thy_o hand_n and_o touch_v all_o that_o he_o have_v â—nd_v he_o will_v curse_v thou_o to_o thy_o face_n how_o now_o thoughtâ—_n be_v this_o the_o sign_n of_o a_o upright_a souâ—_n to_o desire_v to_o serve_v god_n when_o all_o be_v take_v from_o he_o be_v he_o a_o godly_a man_n that_o will_v serve_v god_n for_o nothing_o raâ—her_o then_o give_v out_o bless_a be_v god_n than_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v aâ—_n upright_a heart_n for_o i_o be_o resolve_v god_n give_v i_o strength_n neveâ—_n to_o deny_v my_o profession_n though_o i_o have_v nothing_o at_o all_o for_o my_o pain_n anâ—_n as_o i_o be_v thus_o consider_v that_o scripture_n be_v set_v before_o i_o psa._n 44.12_o etc._n etc._n 272._o now_o be_v my_o heart_n full_a of_o comfort_n for_o i_o hope_v it_o wâ—s_v sincere_a i_o will_v not_o have_v be_v without_o this_o trial_n for_o much_o i_o be_o comfort_v every_o time_n i_o think_v of_o it_o and_o i_o hope_v shall_v bless_v god_n for_o ever_o for_o the_o teach_n i_o have_v have_v by_o it_o many_o more_o of_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o i_o may_v relate_v but_o these_o out_o of_o the_o spoil_n woâ—_n in_o battle_n have_v i_o dedicate_v to_o maintain_v the_o house_n of_o god_n 1_o chron._n 26.27_o the_o conclusion_n 1._o of_o all_o the_o temptation_n that_o ever_o i_o meet_v with_o in_o my_o life_n to_o question_v the_o be_v and_o truth_n of_o the_o godspel_n iâ—_n the_o worst_a and_o worst_a to_o be_v bear_v when_o this_o temptation_n come_v it_o take_v away_o my_o girdle_n from_o i_o and_o remove_v thâ—â—oundation_n from_o under_o i_o o_o i_o have_v often_o think_v of_o that_o word_n have_v your_o loynd_v gird_v about_o with_o truth_n and_o of_o that_o when_o the_o foundation_n be_v destroy_v what_o can_v the_o righteous_a do_v 2._o i_o have_v wonder_v much_o at_o this_o one_o thing_n that_o though_o god_n do_v â—isit_v my_o soul_n with_o never_o so_o bless_v a_o discovery_n of_o himself_o yet_o i_o 〈◊〉_d find_v again_o that_o such_o hour_n have_v attend_v i_o afterward_o that_o i_o have_v be_v in_o my_o spirit_n so_o fill_v with_o darkness_n that_o i_o can_v not_o so_o much_o as_o once_o conceive_v what_o that_o god_n and_o that_o comfort_n be_v with_o which_o i_o have_v be_v refresh_v 3._o i_o have_v sometime_o seeâ—_n more_o in_o a_o line_n of_o the_o bible_n than_o i_o can_v well_o tell_v how_o to_o stand_v under_o &_o yet_o at_o another_o time_n the_o whole_a bible_n have_v be_v to_o i_o as_o dry_a as_o a_o stick_n or_o ratâ—er_v my_o heart_n have_v be_v so_o dead_a and_o dry_a unto_o it_o that_o i_o can_v not_o conceive_v the_o least_o dram_n of_o refreshment_n though_o i_o have_v look_v it_o over_o 4._o of_o all_o tear_n theâ—_n be_v the_o best_a that_o be_v make_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o of_o all_o joy_n that_o be_v the_o sweet_a that_o be_v mix_v with_o mourning_n over_o chriâ—â—_n o_o it_o be_v a_o goodly_a thing_n to_o be_v on_o our_o knee_n with_o châ—ist_n in_o our_o arm_n before_o god_n i_o hope_v i_o know_v something_o of_o these_o thing_n 5._o i_o find_v to_o thâ—s_n day_n seven_o abomination_n in_o my_o heart_n 1._o in_o clining_n to_o unbelief_n 2._o sudden_o to_o forget_v the_o loâ—e_n and_o mercy_n that_o christ_n manifest_v 3._o a_o lean_v to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o law_n 4._o wander_n and_o coldness_n n_o prayer_n 5._o to_o forget_v to_o watch_v for_o that_o i_o pray_v for_o 6._o apt_a to_o murmur_v bâ—cause_fw-mi i_o have_v no_o more_o and_o yet_o ready_a to_o abuse_v what_o i_o have_v 7_o i_o can_v do_v none_o of_o thâ—se_a thing_n which_o god_n command_v i_o but_o my_o corruption_n will_v thrust_v in_o themselves_o when_o i_o will_v do_v good_a evil_a be_v present_a with_o i_o 6._o these_o thing_n i_o continual_o see_v and_o feel_v and_o be_o afflict_v and_o oppress_v with_o yet_o the_o wisdom_n of_o god_n doâ—h_v order_n theâ—_n for_o my_o good_a 1._o they_o make_v i_o abhor_v myself_o 2._o they_o keep_v i_o from_o trust_v my_o heart_n 3._o they_o convince_v i_o of_o the_o insufficiency_n of_o all_o inherent_a righteousness_n 4._o they_o show_v i_o the_o necessity_n of_o flee_v to_o jesus_n 5._o they_o presâ—_n i_o to_o pray_v unto_o god_n 6._o they_o show_v i_o the_o need_v â—_o have_v to_o watch_v and_o be_v sober_a 7._o and_o provoke_v i_o to_o look_v to_o god_n through_o christ_n to_o help_v i_o and_o carry_v i_o through_o this_o world_n amen_n finis_fw-la