tho' a Man had the Guilt of as many Sins lying on his Soul as there be drops of Water in the Ocean and if they were of as long Continuance as from the Creation of the World and aggravated with as hainous Circumstances as any of the vilest Sinners in Hell yet there is Merit enough in the Blood of Christ to take away the Guilt of all those Sins and when that is done Merit enough left to purchase as great a Glory as any Saint in Heaven enjoys But let none thereupon presume to go on in Sin for there is not a Word of Comfort in the whole Bible for such an one He that is affraid of too much Grace hath none at all He who is unwilling to be made better is not yet good In the most afflicted Condition of a Saint he hath more reason to question his own Love to God than God's Love to him God takes as much Care of every one of his Children as if he had but one to care for Our Times are in the Hand of God If they were in our Enemies Hands our Afflictions and Trials would be too long if in our own too short But because in the Hand of God Deliverance shall be seasonable and in due time Had we ten thousand Lives and Estates to lose and lay down for Christ one Hour's Communion with him in Glory will recompence for all our Self-denial whatever we have done or suffered That Man lives unlawfully who doth not sometimes abstain from lawful things Make it thy Business to act Grace and then trust God to bring in Comfort God is yours if you are unfeignedly willing to be his He that can from his Heart say Lord I am thine may on good grounds be assur'd that the Lord is his God That Man whom God cannot satisfie nothing can for God is to his People whatever they can desire or need Sight to the Blind Bread to the Hungry Cloathing to the Naked Strength to the Weak a Physician to the Sick Pardon to the Guilty Comfort to the Mourners Life in Death and Everlasting Life after Death When the Devil suggested to a good Man That it was in vain for him to mind God for he should never get to Heaven He replied I will then follow hard after him and keep close to him that I may enjoy as much as possible of God here on Earth Where Sin lies heavy every Affliction will be light 'T was the Saying of the Noble Marquess of Vico Their Money perish with them who think all the Wealth in the World worth one Hour's Communion with Jesus Christ Since no Man can see thee and live Lord let me die said an holy Man that I may see thee and be with thee If your Condition be never so low if your Hearts be lower it is well enough the Issue will be good And while God the Fountain is left you need not much complain for want of a broken Cistern While others live without God in the World a Christian should endeavour to live as without the World in and upon his God The same Love of God which leads one Christian into the Wine-Cellar and gives him Assurance may lead another into a Prison for the Trial and Exercise of his Grace In Prayer if a Man have not a care of the first Wandrings of his Heart from God he will hardly be able to recover himself afterwards 'T was a memorable Saying of a Great Man He may be deceived who thinks to save any thing by his Religion more than his Soul Before a Man is humbled he complains of God's Unkindness to him but afterwards of his own to God God had one Son without any Sin our Blessed Redeemer but never any Son without some Affliction and Suffering Blessed be God we have any thing to deny or lose or count nothing for Christ A Believer prays with Fervency as if he would not be delay'd and then waits patiently as if he had not prayed If you can say God is your God and all that is in the World is his how can your fear Want If he be not All-sufficient why do you call him so If he be why do you not trust in him If the Lord be good to the Soul that seeks him how good is he to the Soul that finds him If saith Jerom my Father and Mother did with Tears intreat me and my Wife hang about my Neck and my Children fall at my Feet to beseech me to forsake Christ I would cast them all off Father Mother Wife and Children and say Farewel all welcome Christ THE following Account of the Conversion of his Niece will give farther Testimony to his Charity Zeal and Diligence to promote Religion in his Family and how God honoured him by the Lustre of an holy Example to recommend serious Godliness to those who saw his Conversation and by his seasonable Counsels to assist the Recovery of one who under great Convictions and Temptations was in Danger to be lost by too long concealing of the State of her Case from such as could advise and direct her A short Account of the Conversion of Mrs. P. F. as she left it under her Hand before her Death I Am now going about to call to mind the great Mercy and Goodness of the Lord towards me the unworthiest of all his Servants to record his Loving-kindness and to make mention of the many and great Deliverances I have had I know not where to begin nor where to make an end I am even swallowed up in Admiration and ready to cry out with David What shall I render to the Lord for all his Benefits especially when I consider my own Vileness by Nature and how I deserved to be cast into Hell as soon as I was born as having an Heart full of Sin Vanity and Rebellion against God being conceived in Sin and born in Iniquity And as if this had not been enough I have added numberless most hainous Transgressions I have reason to bewail the Sins of my Thoughts I was thinking Thoughts of Pride and Vanity as soon as I could think I was running away from God as soon as I could go with my Back towards Heaven and my Face towards Hell After I came to Years of Discretion the more I knew of God the more I sinned against him The Sins of my Youth have been innumerable and very hainous in their Nature so that I have cause to pray with David Lord remember not against me the Sins of my Youth O the precious Time I have lost and the Golden Opportunities that I have squandred away The Light and Love the Mercies and Means of Grace that I have sinned against I have spent the best of my Years in the Service of Sin and in the Neglect of the great Concerns of my Soul I confess when I was but a Child since I had any Understanding I had always some Love to the Ways and People of God and some Delight in Holy Duties and was fearful of
was a Temptation and presently to run to Jesus Christ for Succour and Relief and to apply the Promises unto my Soul and I quickly found Comfort and was soon freed from Temptation But in this my Prosperity I was ready to say I shall never be removed I began to think I should never be in Adversity and sometimes I was ready to question whether I was one of God's Children because I had no Afflictions I thought God did not love me because he did not chasten me I thought I could bear any thing he should lay upon me As I valued not Life so I feared not Death I thought I could freely and willingly lay down my Life for Christ if I was called to it But this joyful lively active Frame of Spirit did not long continue in about a quarter of a Year it began to abate and I began to be more cold and indifferent in spiritual things and not to be so active and lively as before This was a great trouble to me and made me to question all that was past I thought I should still have grown better and better and not worse Then that Scripture was terrible to me 2 Pet. 2. 29. If after they have escaped the pollutions of the World through the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ they are again entangled therein and overcome their latter end is worse than their beginning And that Scripture Heb. 6. 4. It is impossible for those that were once enlightned and have tasted the good Word of God c. if they fall away to renew them again to repentance Also that Text Rev. 3. 15 16. Because thou art neither hot nor cold I will spew thee out of my mouth I was much sensible of my Backslidings fear'd I should turn Apostate Had not that sweet Promise interposed I will heal their backslidings and love them freely I had been certainly swallowed up in Despair Satan that roaring Lion came upon me very fiercely but that Scripture was very comfortable to me I will put my fear into their hearts and my spirit into their inward parts and they shall never depart from me And whom he loveth he loveth to the end And he that hath begun a good Work will perform it unto the day of Jesus Christ And faithful is he that hath called you who will also do it These and other Scriptures did support me but I could not attain to my former lively performance of holy Duties nor had I that Communion with God in holy Duties as formerly which was no small trouble to me and kept me from rejoicing in God Yet I cannot say but I had sometimes Assurance of God's Love but not constantly as I had before Then my Grandmother being sick I went to be with her at my Uncle's House He being a very good Man his Company was no small Comfort to me My Grandmother also being a very pious Woman was always speaking of what was good I enjoy'd much of God while I was there but yet was many times in fear about my Spiritual State and much troubled with the Temptations of Satan After I had been there a quarter of a Year it pleased the Lord to visit me with the Small Pox which was a very sore Disease to me I was brought so low as to be given over for dead by most if not all that saw me and once they thought I had been actually dead When I was first sick I began to be in great fear what would become of me if I should die but this Cloud was soon blown over and the Lord was pleased to shine upon me with the Light of his Countenance and speak Peace to my Conscience And when I was as weak as I think any could be and live yet had I then much inward Joy and Comfort the Promises were as Cordials to my fainting Spirits That Promise Isa 41. 10 did often refresh me Fear not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee I will help thee yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness That also Psal 73. 25. My flesh and my heart faileth but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever So Psal 43. 5. Why art thou cast down O my Soul Why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for I shall yet praise him who is the health of my countenance and my God These and many other Promises were my Support in the Day of my Distress I had then such assurance of God's Goodness and Love to me and of the Pardon of my Sins and of my Interest in Christ that I longed for Death and could not bear the thoughts of living any longer I had such Fore-tastes of Heaven that I cared not for the Earth I earnestly desired to be dissolved and to be with Christ which is best of all I thought if I should live any longer I should but sin against God and that I could not glorifie him in my Life as I desired I thought if he should restore me I should not be enabled to walk answerably to so great a Mercy These and other such Reasons made me impatient of Life and long for Death I was angry with any that prayed for my Life I now fear that I did sin in being so desirous of Death and not submitting my Will to the Will of God to be at his Disposal whether for Death or Life So it pleased the Lord after a long and tedious Sickness to raise me up from the very Gates of Death This was looked upon as almost a Resurrection from the Dead for which great Deliverance I can never be sufficiently thankful And because I so much desired to die I did not prize my Life and this Deliverance as I should have done Neither did I render to the Lord according to the Mercy I received from him I desire now to be truly thankful to the Lord for all his Mercies and to shew forth my Thankfulness by walking more closely with him all the Days of my Life The following encouraging Considerations among others were collected by him out of several Books and Sermons and are printed from his own Papers in hope of being useful for the Support of others I. THOU that complainest of a hard Heart and fain wouldst mourn for thy Sins to thee I say be not discouraged thy Hardness feared and felt is not the Plague of Hardness It is the Disease indeed of the Heart but it is not the Curse it shall not destroy thee Thou may'st be comforted under Hardness felt and bewailed and pray'd against true Tenderness about Sin is always accompanied with dislike and hatred against Sin and with watching and striving against it if thou hast so much Tenderness bless God and be thankful II. There is no Instance can be given of a Soul utterly for saken of God that can mourn for the want of his Presence If God's Love be precious to thee and most desirable be
Righteousness is more satisfactory and pleasing unto God than all the Sinners Wickedness is injurious and displeasing to him O this is a very sweet and comfortable Consideration indeed There is no such Evil in Sin to damn thee as there is Merit in Christ's Blood to save thee IX To despair of Mercy is a greater Sin than all thy other Sins This makes thee like the Devil himself It is the Glory of Divine Grace to triumph over all the Sinner's Unworthiness Resolve therefore I will yet follow God tho' I have offended him come on me what will I know he is God and not Man who can help nay will help if I come unto him Isa 57. 16. I will not contend for ever nor be always wroth for the Spirit would fail before me and the Souls that I have made Isa 41. 17. When the poor and needy seek water and there is none and their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will hear them I the God of Israel will not forsake them When it comes to failing fainting sinking dying then comes help Be much in Prayer and hold on waiting God may make you seek and wait a long time aye but he will certainly come and that will make amends for all X. How shall one be willing to die that hath not a sense of God's Love I answer when we can see our Love to God tho' we cannot see God's Love to us What are the Actings of our Soul towards God when we can see no Love in his Dispensations towards us As that good Man under great Afflictions and Dissatisfaction about the Love of God at last breaks out If I did not love God why do I follow him and mourn after him If thou lovest God here is ground of Comfort thou couldst not love God if he did not first love thee It was a memorable Answer of Mr. Dod to a godly Minister that said to him a little before his Death What will you say to me who am going out of the World and can find no Comfort He replied What will you say to our Saviour that was going out of the World and found no Comfort but he cried out My God my God still This Speech much refreshed that godly Minister Others of God's Children have wanted sensible Comfort at their Death yet they have been able to act Faith and to say My God my God still Tho' God's sensible Presence is not still the same yet his Word and Promise is he speaks as comfortably in his Word as ever he cannot deny his own Word God sometimes withdraws Comfort that we may prize his Word more and depend more upon that You please and honour God most when you can venture your Souls on his bare Word and Promise A Faith of Recumbency on Christ in the want of Comfort doth more honour God than the highest Faith of Assurance Why should Death be a Terror to them that fear God none need to fear Death that are escaped from the Dominion of Sin and the Devil Can you say you do not love Christ and that you do love Sin then there is cause enough for fear but this were to bely the blessed Spirit The godly hath hope in his Death A hope of Life even at the Point of Death A godly Man's hope can never fail him he may want sensible Comfort but he doth hope still Death 't is a going to God and shall a godly Man be afraid of going to his God Again it is a Sleep a Rest are weary Men afraid of rheir Rest and of going to sleep If Death be an Enemy 't is a slain Enemy Christ hath been the Death of Death And why should that have Terror in it that hath no Life in it A godly Man is a real Gainer by Death He gains more by his Death than ever he got all his Life long viz. Happiness and Joy that shall never end Again tho' Death separates Relations here yet Death can never separate the godly Man's Soul and Body from Christ Both still continue united unto Christ They sleep in Jesus God is still their God and therefore let not the Saints of God be afraid of Death XI Psal 147. 11. The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him in them that hope in his mercy Then our Prayers please God when they are put up to him in Faith and hope of his Mercy Poor trembling Souls that meditute nothing but Terror little think how it would please God to see them to hope in his Mercy They are conscious to themselves how they have displeased God but hope in God's Mercy and he will take pleasure in thee They bring most Honour to God that are most admiring and magnifying of his Mercy His Heart is most set on Mercy in all the Manifestations of it Therefore let poor drooping Souls still maintain hope in the Mercy of God through Christ XII This is certain in every afflictive Providence to Believers there is more Mercy than Wrath nay 't is all Mercy in the Issue and not in revengeful Wrath but paternal Anger They have Supports under all sometimes they may be under desertion and no comforts of God come into their Souls they are ready to say Lord why casteth thou off my Soul But then they have this to support them they can love God and mourn after his Favour tho' he seems to be gone from them they can look after him and long for his Return and this is such an effect of Grace that is more worth than the whole World Sustentation saith Mr. Baines I thank God I have tho' Suavities I have none Sickness and Sorrow and Death that are the Fruits of Sin none can be exempted from but Grace doth this for Believers The Curse the Hurt the Venom of all is taken away they are Gainers by all 2 Cor. 4. 16. Tho' our outward man c. All works for their good Others have Comforts with a Curse but Believers have Crosses with a Blessing The Guilt of Sin the Grace of God in Christ doth quite take away from all Believers Heb. 8. 12. Pardoning Mercy clears the Soul of Guilt What Comfort is this to such that by the Grace of Justification through Christ they are in God's account righteous And upon the account of Christ their Righteousness they may come into God's Presence with as assured Welcome as Adam in Paradise or the Angels now in Heaven This thou may'st be assured of that Christ will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax. Tho' thy Faith be so small that it yields not Light to others nor Heat to thy own Heart yet Christ discerns and accepts it But can a Man have the Exercise of Grace and not know it fear God and not discern it I answer Yes some Graces may then be acted and discerned by others as well as at any other time He may fear God as truly and as much as ever and yet his Grace may not have Light to discover it self to him It may have a Being and working in the Heart when it 's not clear in thy Apprehension XIII Hearken unto the Voice of God O poor doubting disconsolate Sinner Why dost thou pass Sentence against thy self Thou say'st O my Sins are very many Well but the Mercies of God are far more O but my Sins are very great True but the Meroies of God are far greater O but my Sins are of long continuance True but yet thy Sins are but Sins of Time his Mercies are the Mercies of Eternity O but my Sins are greater than you are aware of they are Crimson Scarlet Sins How great are they Are they as great as the Sins of Manasseh that was a Wizard that filled Jerusalem with Blood yet God pardoned him Are they greater than the Sins of Mary Magdalen out of whom were cast seven Devils and yet God had Mercy for her O but I fear the Stock of Mercy is quite spent No his Mercy endures for ever it is from everlasting to everlasting But I have exceedingly abused Mercy yet remember that tho thou hast sinn'd against his Mercy yet thou hast not sinned above his Mercy Isa 55. 8. My thoughts are not as your thoughts nor my ways as your ways as the heavens are above the earth so are my thoughts above your thoughts and my ways above your ways FINIS * My Honoured Friend Mr. Joshua Gearing Sen.
SOME ACCOUNT OF THE Holy Life and Death OF Mr. HENRY GEARING Late Citizen of London Who departed this Life January the 4th 1693-4 Aged 61. By JOHN SHOWER The Second Edition With the Trial and Character of a Real Christian collected out of his Papers for the Examination of himself From which several other Particulars are added for the Instruction Encouragement and Imitation of Christians LONDON Printed for John Lawrence at the Angel in the Poultrey 1699. To my Respected Friends Mrs. HANNAH GEARING The Widow AND Mrs. Mary Fisher Mrs. Eliz. Billinghurst Mrs. Ann Roberts The Children of Mr. HENRY GEARING WHen God hath taken any of our holy Relations from us who were ready for the Heavenly Mansions made meet for the Rest Peace and Joy of the upper better World we should rejoice in the Grace of God towards them with Thankfulness owning our Mercy that they lived so long to glorifie God here and be useful to us and others It would be very unreasonable to lament their Departure out of any Pretence of our Affection to them and no less unkind to wish that for our sakes they should not have died or should return from Paradise to our sinful troublesome World But we know they shall not come to us the only way therefore to meet them with Comfort is to remember their Instructions follow their Counsels and imitate their Faith and Holiness their Integrity and Self-denial and resolved persevering Obedience to God The Prayers and Pattern of such an Husband and of such a Father as yours is a Blessing for which God expects your Praises Tho' in the former Relation it was enjoyed but a little while long enough however to make you Madam bless God for him and unfeignedly to value and honour his Memory while you live May his Grace supply and help you to improve this Breach To you his Children I most earnestly recommend the following Papers God and Man will expect your profiting by them more than others You know how much you were upon his Heart You know his Example and manner of Life and how you ought to walk and please God You have seen the Beauty of Practical Godliness exemplified you know how fervently he was wont to wrestle with God in Prayer for you You know with what daily Pains and Care Wisdom Faithfulness and Love he endeavoured your Salvation rejoicing in any good Success thereof but hardly able to support under the Burden of the contrary Fears as to Any of those whom God had given him O dread to think that either of You or any of Yours should meet him at the Day of Judgment and be rejected of Christ among the Workers of Iniquity when both your Parents shall be own'd honour'd and rewarded among the Faithful An ordinary Hell will not be Punishment enough for the Children of such Parents if you miscarry and fall short of Heaven But if you seek after God with your whole Heart desiring to please and serve him who was the God of your Fathers for many Generations if you are humble and prayerful and prize the Blessing of the Covenant keep within the Bond of it and mind the Duty of it your Way is prepared your Acceptance is assured there is a Prospect of more Grace and Consolation for you and yours as a double Blessing promised to the Childrens Children of such as fear the Lord. That you may experience this and in order to it resolve that your Father's God shall be your God for ever and ever is the hearty Prayer of Your Affectionate Friend and Servant in the Gospel JOHN SHOWER London Feb. 16. 1693-4 A SHORT ACCOUNT Of the Holy LIFE of Mr. Henry Gearing c. IF there be Joy in Heaven among the Angels and the blessed Inhabitants Above upon the Conversion of a Sinner we may reckon there is so from time to time upon the Addition to their Number of any such who by the Grace of God are made meet for the Heavenly State and Life Among many others of late deceased Mr. H. G. was doubtless a very welcome Person The too frequent Flattery of Funeral Orations I know is a common Objection against speaking or writing any thing of the Dead because many are commended whose Names are written in the Dust and deserve to perish with their own Dung But the Memory of the Just shall however be blessed their Death is precious and their Examples useful to all who knew them and may be so to many others It is not I confess of every good Man or Woman that dieth that we can speak such things as we may to the just Commendation of some Neither is it fit to publish all the Good we can of every Body because it may be they had some Blemishes that will make the other incredible or lessen its Use But Persons of eminent Grace and Holiness are the choicest Works of God the richest Ornaments the most precious Jewels that can be shown For the meanest Saint is incomparably more noble and honourable than the greatest Personages in the World that are Slaves of Sin and Enemies to God But as one Star differs from another in Glory there are some more lively Images of God and who better imitate the Pattern of Christ some Vessels of Mercy filled with Grace above their Fellows Of such as these we ought to speak to the Glory of Divine Grace There is an attractive Influence in their Pattern some good Savour and Impression may be left by the serious Perusal of their Lives and Character Divers have dated their first Conversion from reading or hearing such Relations But as many an upright Christian whose Funeral Sermon I may be call'd to preach will come far short of the Spirit and Practice of Mr. G. so I resolve to speak more sparingly of the Dead in such Discourses lest I raise the Expectation of the like where I cannot conscionably perform it And on the same Account I forbear the mention of some things which He desired of me and I complied with because I would not encourage others to desire the like I hope the publishing of such Examples may be one means to confute or silence the Atheism of the present Age as if there were no Reality in Religion that it is meer Notion and Talk or a Cover for Hypocrisie An exemplary visible Piety is proper to confute such Cavils baffle such Prejudices and convince the Minds of Men and bring them secretly to wish that they themselves were such It is certain the unsutable Lives of those who profess Religion hath greatly stumbled and hardened many in their Profaneness Some of no ordinary Parts or Education under Convictions of Sin and Fears of Hell upon a Death-bed have told me that the wicked Lives of such as pretended to Religion had more hindered their Seriousness than all the Quirks and Subtilties or bold Attempts of such as would overthrow the Principles of Christianity Besides serious well-disposed Christians will be encouraged by the Example and Commendation
this thou findest thou hast more Desires after Grace that is more Grace Art thou not only thankful for a little Grace but art reaching after more Dost thou grow more weary of thy Sin and more earnest after Christ I hope in the Lord it is thus with me that I am more weary of Sin and desire more Grace Now Growth is a Sign of Life Again Put this Question to thy self Do I hunger and thirst after Christ This is an Evidence of Spiritual Life Dead Men do not hunger and thirst after Christ Now I hope in the Lord I do hunger and thirst after Christ and nothing but himself will content me Again Ask thy Soul Do I love God and Christ or do I not These Marks he gives of Love to Christ Lord I love thee for I am grieved at thy Absence and am rejoiced at thy Presence Lord I love thee for I love those that are like Thee O my Lord I love thee for I love the Place and Duties where thou art wont to meet thy People and warm their Hearts but if thou art not there I cannot take up contentedly with them Lord I humbly say I love thee for I dare not deny but I am grieved when thou art dishonoured by my self or others tho' I grieve for this less than I should because I love thee less than I ought Lord I love thee for I desire to have an Heart that should be willing to part with all for thee things sinful in themselves at all times and things lawful when thou callest me to it Once more I humbly say I love thee for I would have an Heart to love and long and look for thy Coming and Appearance in Glory Mr. Ambrose directing to try our Title to Heaven adviseth First To write down the Scripture-Marks or Grace or Glory and mentions these several Scriptures following 1 Joh. 2. 3. Hereby we know that we know him if we keep his Commandments 2 Cor. 1. 12. For our rejoicing is this the Testimony of our Conscience that in Godly Simplicity and Sincerity we have had our Conversation in the World 1 Joh. 3. 9 10. Whosoever is born of God sinneth not because his Seed abideth in him neither can he sin because he is born of God In this the Children of God are manifest c. 1 Joh. 4. 13. Hereby we know that we dwell in him and he in us because he hath given us of his Spirit 1 Joh. 3. 14. We know that we have passed from Death to Life because we love the Brethren James 1. 12. There is a Crown of Life the Lord hath promised to them that love him But above all observe these Texts following as containing the special Gospel-Conditions to which we find so often annexed the Promise of Justification and Glorification Joh. 3. 16. God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have Everlasting Life Joh. 5. 24. He that believeth hath Everlasting Life and shall not come into Condemnation but is passed from Death unto Life Joh. 6. 40. And this is the Will of him that sent me that every one that seeth the Son and believeth in him may have Everlasting Life Joh. 20. 31. These things are written that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ the Son of God and that believing ye might have Life through his Name Acts 16. 31. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved Rom. 10. 9 10. If thou shalt confess with thy Mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thy Heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved Heb. 10. 39. We are not of them who draw back unto Perdition but of them that believe to the saving of the Soul 1 Joh. 5. 13. These things have I written unto you that believe in the Name of the Son of God that ye may know that ye have Eternal Life From the first Text we gather the Scripture mark of universal Obedience from the second Sincerity from the third Opposition against and Abstinence from Sin from the fourth Spiritual Performance of holy Duties from the fifth a Love of the Brethren from the sixth a Love of Christ from all the rest Faith in Christ the Root and Spring of all other Graces and necessary Conditions of Pardon and Eternal Life Proceed we now to put the Question to our selves but be sure to state it aright Let it not be Whether there be any Good in us at all For so we shall err on the one hand nor yet Whether we have such and such a degree and measure of Grace For so we shall err on the other hand But Whether according to the fore-mentioned Scriptures such and such a saving Grace be in us or not Now I having begged of God his Help to try the State of my Soul by what follows this 17th of August 1676. and I do hope I find the true Marks of saving Grace in my Soul and desire here to enter them down that I may have recourse to it in time of need and the Lord grant I be sincere 1. O my Soul hast thou respect to and dost observe all God's Commandments Dost thou keep the Law in Truth and Sincerity tho' not in gradual Perfection Dost thou know God in part and love God truly by a sincere Obedience Dost thou keep the Commandments in an Evangelical Sense And wherein thou failest dost thou acknowledge thy Failings and rely upon Christ for Pardon Is thy universal Obedience internal and spiritual as well as external Is thy Delight in the Law of God after the Inward Man Is thy Obedience to the Duties of both Tables Dost thou make Conscience of particular Duties in every Relation 2. O my Soul hast thou Sincerity and Uprightness of Heart Is there a powerful Change of the whole Man by the Grace of God Dost thou do what is good upon this account because God commands it not because it will agree with thy Ends and Advantage but because God hath required it Art thou diligent and conscientious in secret Duties to perform them and in Spiritual or Heart Sins and secret Lusts to avoid them Dost thou serve God in Spirit Dost thou eye God whether in private or publick Dost thou set thy self zealously against those Sins thou art most inclined unto Dost thou hate Sin most in thy self and in those that are nearest unto thee Hast thou respect to all God's Commandments but yet to the Duties of the first Table before the second to the Commands of greater Duties before those of lesser Duties Or if in all these Particulars thou findest not such an Uprightness as hath no Deceit or Falshood or carnal Respects at all joined with it for as all other Graces are but in part so are we sincere and upright but in part art thou humbled under thy Hypocrisie and spiritual Guile And dost thou trust only to Christ And dost thou cry as David did for Truth in the
a Title to Heaven or that we have not but pass not this Sentence with Self-Flattery nor from Melancholy Terrors and Fears 1st Not with Self-flattery Alas what will it profit us to think our selves the Children of God when we visibly express the Power of Sin and Satan in our Lives 2dly On the other side pass not this Sentence from Melancholy Unbelief Terrors and Fears As the carnal Man fails the former way so the tempted Christian sometimes fails this way In this Case run we over our Evidences again and again and proceed we from those that are more difficult to those that are more easie One Sign perhaps may be more easily perceived than another and if we can but discover some yea if but one we may assuredly gather all the rest are there Come then pass on now to Sentence O but implore the Spirit 's Assistance now if ever let us desire him to shine on our Graces and then speak groundedly and deliberately and truly as we find according to our very Consciences Do not conclude as some do I am a good Christian or as others do I am a Reprobate or an Hypocrite and shall be damned When we have no ground for what we say but our own Fancy or Hopes or Fears let not our Judgment be any way biass'd or brib'd from sentencing aright Then he further adviseth That we should labour to get our Hearts kindly affected with its discovered Condition according to the Sentence pass'd on it Do not think enough to know but labour to feel what God hath made us to see if we find our selves renewed and sanctified indeed O let us get this warm and close to our Hearts bethink our selves what a blessed Estate hath the Lord brought us into to be his Children his Friends to be pardoned justified and entitled to Life Why what is it we now need to fear but sinning against him Come War or Plague or Sickness or Death we are sure they can but thruft us into Heaven Thus let us follow these Meditations till they have left their Impressions on our Hearts Then he adviseth to record this Sentence so passed to write it down which now I desire to do this 18th of August 1676. Having searched and tried my Heart yesterday and at this time also after I hope earneft and hearty Prayer to God for the help of his Spirit to try my State and Condition I did fall again to the Work of Self-trial by the fore-mentioned Particulars and tho' I cannot fully declare a positive Answer to every Question yet if my Heart doth not very much deceive me I can to most of them I hope I can I beg of God I may not be deceived It is some Comfort to me where I cannot so fully answer some of them I hope I can truly say I most heartily desire it may be so with me And tho' Grace be very weak in me which I hope I desire to be humbled and mourn for yet I dare not deny God's Work in me I must not deny the Day of small-Things but to the Glory of God must own surely there is something of Good wrought in me by his Holy Spirit And my Comfort is Christ will not quench the smoaking Flax nor break the bruised Reed Mat. 12. 20. I am not now affected with the Discovery of my Condition as I should and do not find at present inward Comfort in my Soul I am and have been much under the Withdrawings of God for a time by reason of my Apostacy and Backslidings from him and not walking closely with him yet I desire I hope to lament after the Lord and not content my self till I again meet with him The Lord give me Grace to wait on him in a way of Duty and to act Grace tho' I want Comfort O if I am but sincere and wait still upon God who can tell but he may return with Comfort to my poor Soul The Lord help me to maintain Faith and Hop through Christ Tho' I sit in Darkness and see no Light yet to trust in the Lord and stay my self on my God Isa 50. 10. The Lord help me now to walk answerable to the great Things he hath done for my poor Soul I desire and hope I may have recourse to this hereafter as I shall have need And that it may be of Comfort to me for the time to come as Mr. Ambrose adviseth His Words are This Record will be very useful to us hereafter If we find we have a Work of Grace in us what a help will it be against the next Temptation to doubting and fear to go and read under our Hands this Record May we not think if at such a time I found the truth of Grace is it not likely to be now the same and these Doubts to come from the Enemy of my Peace Yet trust not so to one Discovery as to try no more Especially if we have made any soul Defections from Christ and play'd the Backsliders see then that we renew the Search again Neither let this hinder us in the daily Search of our Ways or of our Increase in Grace and Fellowship with Christ It is an ill Sign and a desperate vile Sin for a Man when he thinks he hath found himself gracious and in a happy State to let down his Watch and grow negligent of his Heart and Ways and scarce look after them any more Neither should we give over in Discouragement if we cannot at once or twice or ten times trying discover our Case but follow it on till we have discovered it if one Hour or Day will not do take another if one Minister cannot direct us sufficiently go to another the Issue will answer all our Pains There is no sitting down discouraged in a Work that must be done If we have been Hypocrites or ungodly Persons all our Lives yet is the Promise offered to us by Christ and he tenders himself to us to be our Lord and Saviour neither can we possibly be so willing to accept him as he is to accept us Nothing but our own Unwillingness can keep our Souls from Christ tho' we have hitherto abused him and dissembled with him O that the Lord would perswade us to the close Performance of this self-trying Task that we might not tremble with Horror of Soul when the Judge of all the World shall try us but have our Evidences so ready at hand and be so able to prove our Title to Heaven that the Thoughts and Approach of Death and Judgment might revive our Spirits and fill us with Joy and not apale us and fill us with Amazement September the 19th 1676. Finding my Heart very hard and dead of late and being still under the Withdrawings of God but I bless God I hope sensible of it and desirous to wait upon him for Discoveries of his Love and Favour and to lament after him and seek him in his Ordinances for I hope I cannot take up with Duty without something
of God in it at least some Quicknings and Drawings out of my Heart after him in earnest Desires and Longings and Pantings after him yet I am apt to be cast down my Conscience is apt to accuse me that I do not my Duty and am fearful lest Death come of a sudden and find me unready and thereupon am greatly troubled and not knowing what to do methinks I would not be wanting in my Duty and often pray that God would shew me my Duty and help me to do it yet when I think to go about any thing there comes such a multitude of things into my Mind to do this and to do the other and all cannot be done together that I am sometimes almost discouraged and tempted to let all alone The Lord in infinite Mercy look upon me for Christ's sake and help me against this Temptation of Satan and my own wicked Heart and enable me to remember the Lord is gracious and merciful and accepts of the willing Mind where there is Truth and Sincerity The Lord help me also to remember and believe tho' I must be doing yet I am not justified for it if I could do never so much The Lord help me to renounce all and trust wholly to Jesus Christ for Acceptance for Justification and Salvation Now this Morning being in my Shop and having nothing to do Trading being very dead I thought with my self what to set about and tho' I have examined my self before yet knowing I cannot be too much in this Work I resolved to go to it again and altho' I cannot so solemnly search my Heart as if I were in secret yet I hope I find something of Mr. Naltion's Characters which I shall here note Question How may we know Christ is ours and we are his Ans 1. Do you highly prize Jesus Christ 2. Are you made new Creatures 3. Do you find the Power of Corruption in some measure abated in you 4. Are you desirous to have Christ rule over you as well as save you 5. Dost thou lament after the Lord and mourn over a crucified Saviour 6. Do you feel Sin a Burden and would you willingly be rid of it Quest How may I know I love Christ Answ 1. If you love Jesus Christ you will be content with nothing but his Love again All the World will not content you without the Love of Christ 2. If you love Jesus Christ you will delight to think and speak of Christ 3. If you love Christ you will be affraid to offend him 4. You will love the Saints and Followers of Christ 5. You will delight to be where Christ is in his Ordinances and rejoice in his Presence when you meet with him 6. Love to Christ will make you seek the Honour of Christ 7. Your Lives will run out in lively actings and exercise of Grace upon Christ 8. If you love Christ you will not think any thing too much to do for Christ or to part with him If you love me keep my Commandments saith Christ so that if I keep Christ's Commandments it is a Sign that I love him Now follow some Characters that Mr. Nalton laid down of true Faith in Jesus Christ but before these he gives some Rules to help us in trying our selves 1. If you would judge aright of your Faith be sure you do not trust to your own Hearts 2. Examine your Hearts when you are in a calm quiet composed Frame 3. Take heed you do not err in the nature of Faith to think there is no true Faith where there is no Assurance 4. Judge not of your Faith by some legal Troubles that have been in your Spirits as a fore-runner of Faith but judge by the Consequents of these Troubles whether they bring Christ and your Souls nearer together 5. Tho' you must judge your Faith by the Fruits of it yet they are in some of a higher degree some of a lower degree Joy in Tribulation is a high Fruit of Faith that every Man cannot attain unto Let not a Man say I have no Faith because I cannot sing in a Prison but if there be but any Fruit of Faith that discovers to thee thou art a Believer tho' not a strong Believer thou hast cause ro rejoice Now I hope my Desire is to try my self by these Marks of true Faith following The Lord grant I may find them in my Soul for Christ's sake 1st True Faith may be known by the efficient or principal Cause of it which is no other but the holy Spirit of God All the Angels in Heaven and Saints on Earth cannot perswade my Heart to believe till the Spirit of God draw my Soul to Jesus Christ Now hath the Spirit of God drawn thee to Christ Have you found the mighty Power of the Spirit of God overcoming the Pride and Stubbornness of your Wills to make you willing to accept of Christ on his own Terms Then you have a true Faith 2dly True Faith may be known by the manner of Production the Spirit of God hath a previous or foregoing Work upon the Soul 1. The Spirit of God convinces the Sinner this goes before believing the Spirit of God lets a Sinner see the inside of himself Thou art a Sinner saith the Spirit of God so that the poor Sinner sees himself in a lost and undone Condition in himself by reason of Sin 2. After convincing the Spirit of God humbles the Sinner he is humbled to the Dust This Sorrow and Humiliation is in some more in some less but in all there is so much Sense of Sin and Misery as to drive the Sinner out of himself and to let him see he must perish for ever without Christ 3. There is also an incouraging Work of the Spirit of God having convinced and humbled the Sinner he revives him by some Heart-chearing Considerations as 1. That there is a Christ an All-sufficient Saviour by whom he may be delivered from Wrath to come 2. The Spirit of God makes a particular Proffer of Christ and Pardon and Grace to him and tells him the Promises of the Gospel are made to him as well as others and that God invites him poor Sinner and that there is Mercy for him if he accept it 3. The Spirit of God doth sometimes secretly whisper to the Soul of a Sinner by a Voice within him inviting him and drawing him to come to Christ Come to me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you Rest Ho every one that thirsteth come to the Waters Art thou a thirsty Soul Thou art he that is invited saith the Spirit of God therefore stand out no longer 4. The Spirit of God doth work Faith by bowing the Will making it pliable to come and taste how good Christ is Well saith the Soul I am resolved to come to Christ tho' I know not how I shall speed I will cast my Soul into the Arms of Christ and if I sink I will sink with a Saviour in my
by Faith 6. True Faith works Patience not only Patience in waiting but Patience in suffering There is a Patience in waiting for the Accomplishment of the Promises Faith saith to a Believer The Things thou waitest for are worth thy waiting for them the Comforts thou desirest the Crown of Glory thou expectest is worth waiting for Again Faith works Patience in Suffering Heb. 10. 34. They took joyfully the spoiling of their Goods knowing they had in Heaven a more enduring Substance Heb. 11. 36. 37. They endured the Trial of cruel Mockings of Scourgings of Bonds and Imprisonments They were stoned sawn asunder tempted slain with the Sword they wandered about in Sheep-skins and Goat-skins being destitute forsaken tormented and yet their Faith in Jesus Christ carried them through all these Sufferings Faith tells the Soul The Sufferings of this present Life are not worthy to be compared with the Glory that shall be revealed 7. True Faith will work an undaunted Profession of Christ's Name He will profess Christ openly when called to it The Disciples professed Christ when it was Death to do so I am not asham'd of the Gospel of Christ saith the Apostle I esteem the Reproach of Christ better than the Glory of the World and the Cross of Christ better than the Crowns of the World I esteem his Crown of Thorns better than all others in this World I bear about me the Marks of the Lord Jesus Gal. 6. 17. he calls his Sorrows and Sufferings the Marks of Christ I esteem them my greatest Honour God forbid saith he I should glory in any thing but in the Cross of Jesus Christ Thus you see what Fruits Faith works in reference to Jesus Christ Now there are Fruits of Faith in reference to our selves as these following 1. True Faith works abundance of inward Peace and Joy Rom. 5. 1. Being justified by Faith we have Peace with God And it must needs be so because that Faith tells the Soul the Bond is cancelled that Sin is pardoned the Burden is taken off Wounds of Conscience are healed with the Wounds of Christ A Believer can say In Peace will I lay down my Head in the Bosom of Christ When Storms and Waves arise a Believer can sit in his Ark Christ and a good Conscience is an Ark for a poor Soul where he is safe A true Believer hath always the Ground of Joy tho' not always the Exercise of it 2. Another Fruit of Faith in reference to our selves is Boldness in coming to the Throne of Grace We have Boldness and Access by Faith in Christ Ephes 3. 12. A true Believer can pour out his Soul to God make his Moan to his Father It is his comfort he can go to his Father with a Child-like Boldness and Confidence 3. Another Fruit of Faith is Contempt of the World Acts 4. They sold their Possessions and brought the Money and laid it down at the Apostles Feet They regarded it no more than the Dirt under their Feet Faith hath an Eagle's Eye it sees things a far off and an Eagle's Wing to carry a Man above the Flatteries and the Frowns of the World By Faith Moses feared not the Frowns of the King Heb. 11. 27. Faith lets a Man see there is better to be found in Christ than in the whole World He that can find a World in Christ will be willing to part with all the World for Him 4. True Faith will produce a strong Desire of strengthening and encreasing it and that both in Truth and Growth It will make a Man still be searching his Heart that he may be sure he hath the Truth of Faith It makes a Man prize a Soul-searching Ministry that may plough up the Fallow Ground of his Heart And it works a Desire of Growth also it makes a Believer pray Lord encrease my Faith whether thou encrease my Trade and Wealth or no however Lord encrease my Faith After I had wrote these Things I went into my Closet and there begged of God his Help and Assistance to try my self by these Characters and then spent a little time going over them and trying my State by them and I bless the Lord I now cannot but say to his Glory that I find them in some measure in me I hope that those I could not so positively answer to yet I could in the Desire of my Soul I hope in the Lord I am not deceived If I am I beseech him for Christ's sake to undeceive me and let me know how it is with me But methinks God hath begun some good Work in me and wrought Faith in my poor Soul tho' it is very weak The Lord humble me and the Lord help me to bless his holy Name for the least Grace and earnestly to endeavour and beg of him the Encrease of it I hope in the Lord I may have recourse to what I have done this Day and what is entred before in a Time of Doubts and Fears in an Hour of Trouble under God's Withdrawings yea that I may have Comfort from it in an Hour of Death The Lord grant I may not now be secure and careless but that I may walk very closely and exactly before him to his Praise and Glory here till at last I come to live with him in his Heavenly Kingdom May the 9th 1678. I spent the Day in a Secret Fast One End among others I proposed to my self in it was to search into the State of my Soul again also that I may be inabled to suffer for Christ if I am called to it c. I hope I desired to be sincere and hearty I tried my self by the Marks and Characters before set down I hope I can say upon Search that the Lord hath wrought saving Grace in me it was I hope my hearty Prayer that if it was not so I might not so enter it here but I turst the Lord hath turned me from Darkness to Light and that I am not dead in Sins and Trespasses but there is a Principle of Life in me the Lord grant I may not be deceived Towards the close of the Day I read over my Covenant and hope I did from my very Heart desire to bewail the Breach of it and renew it with the Lord which I did I hope in the Strength of his Grace desiring Christ may be my Surety being much affraid of my being deceived lest it should be with me as heretofore I hope I did heartily take the Lord for my God and give up my self unto him and bind my self to forsake all Sin and to live more to his Glory according to the Covenant I entred into with the Lord about eleven Years since taken out of Mr. Allen 's Book I bless God I was assisted to Day in the Work I undertook the Lord accept of me thro' Christ and let not this Day be lost O that I may not prove false and hypocritical with him but go away enabled to live more to his Praise here till I come
will go mourning in this World while I have a Day to live till Christ shall please to cast an Eye of Grace and Mercy on me Nay let it come to this I cannot live if God be not reconciled If Christ be not mine my Spirit fails If the Lord do not relieve me there is nothing No abiding for me unless he speak a Word of Peace When the Soul is brought to this I must have an Interest in Christ or nothing will satisfie me such an one shall find Acceptance Therefore be in good earnest and let the Desires of the Soul rise up to an holy Restlesness O wretched Negligence that we can let the greatest Concerns of our Souls lie at Hazard all our Days Ten Questions to ask our Hearts Thus Mr. Steel advis'd we should often commune with our Hearts I. What have I been if now I am changed I was a wretched Sinner II. What Good have I done that God may have the Glory and I the Comfort III. How have I done it IV. What have I neglected The slothful Servant is condemn'd who had Talents but did no good with them What Duties have I neglected and how many Opportunities of doing good omitted V. What State am I in Am I in a gracious or sinful State in Christ or in my Sins If I am in Christ he rules if in Sin that reigns VI. What Frame am I in Am I in a gracious or worldly Frame of Heart VII What do I Am I in my Calling and in the way of my Duty Am I now doing the Will of God VIII Whither am I going Towards Heaven or Hell Every Moment I take a Step to one of them IX How far am I on my Way to Heaven X. What shall I do to be saved Salvation is to be had how shall I attain it His Covenant with God O Most Dreadful God! for the Passion of thy Son I beseech Thee accept of thy poor Prodigal now prostrating himself at thy Door I have fallen from Thee by mine Iniquiry and am by Nature a Son of Death 〈◊〉 a thousand-fold more the Child of Hell by 〈◊〉 wicked Practice but of thine Infinite Grace Thou hast promised Mercy to me in Christ if I will but turn to thee with all my Heart Therefore upon the Call of thy Gospel I am now come in and throwing down my Weapons submit my self to thy Mercy And because thou requirest as the Condition of my Peace with thee that I should put away mine Idols and be at Defiance with all thine Enemies which I acknowledge I have wickedly sided with against thee I here from the bottom of my Heart renounce them all firmly Covenanting with thee Not to allow my self in any known Sin but to use conscientiously all the Means that I know thou hast prescribed for the Death and utter Destruction of all my Corruptions And whereas I have formerly inordinately and idolatrously let out my Affections upon the World I do here resign my Heart to thee that mad'st it humbly protesting before thy Glorious Majesty That it is the firm Resolution of my Heart and that I do unfeignedly desire Grace from thee that when thou shalt call me hereunto I may practise this my Resolution through thy Assistance to forsake all that is dear unto me in this World rather than to turn from thee to the Ways of Sin and that I will watch against all its Temptations whether of Prosperity or Adversity lest they should withdraw my Heart from thee beseeching thee also to help me against the Temptations of Satan to whose wicked Suggestions I resolve by thy Grace never to yield my self a Servant And because my own Righteousness is but menstruous Rags I renounce all Confidence therein and acknowlege that I am of my self a hopeless helpless undone Creature without Righteousness or Strength And for as much as thou hast of thy bottomless Mercy offered most graciously to me wretched Sinner to be again my God through Christ if I would accept of thee I call Heaven and Earth to record this Day that I do here solemnly avouch thee for the Lord my God and with all possible Veneration bowing the Neck of my Soul under the Feet of thy most Sacred Majesty I do here take Thee the Lord Jehovah Father Son and Holy Ghost for my Portion and Chief Good and do give up my self Body and Soul for thy Servant promising and vowing to serve thee in Holiness and Righteousness all the Days of my Life And since thou hast appointed the Lord Jesus Christ the only Means of coming unto thee I do here upon the bended Knees of my Soul accept of him as the only new and living Way by which Sinners may have Access to thee and do here solemnly join my self in a Marriage-Covenant to him O blessed Jesus I come to thee hungry and hardly bestead poor and wretched and miserable and blind and naked a most loathsome polluted Wretch a guilty condemned Malefactor unworthy for ever to wash the Feet of the Servants of my Lord much more to be solemnly married to the King of Glory But sith such is thine unparallel'd Love I do here with all my Power accept thee and do take thee for my Head and Husband for better for worse for richer for poorer for all Times and Conditions to love and honour and obey thee before all others and this to the Death I embrace thee in all thine Offices I renounce my own Worthiness and do here avow thee for the Lord my Righteousness I renounce mine own Wisdom and do here take thee for my only Guide I renounce my own Will and take thy Will for my Law And since thou hast told me that I must suffer if I will reign I do here Covenant with thee to take my Lot as it falls with thee and by thy Grace assisting to run all Hazards with thee verily purposing that neither Life nor Death shall part between thee and me And because thou hast been pleased to give me thy holy Laws as the Rule of my Life and the Way in which I should walk to thy Kingdom I do here willingly put my Neck under thy Yoke and set my Shoulder to thy Burden and subscribing to all thy Laws as holy just and good I solemnly take them as the Rule of my Words Thoughts and Actions promising that tho' my Flesh contradict and rebel yet I will endeavour to order and govern my whole Life according to thy Direction and will not allow my self in the Neglect of any thing that I know to be my Duty Only because through the Frailty of my Flesh I am subject to many Failings I am bold humbly to protest that unallowed Miscarriages contrary to the settled Bent and Resolution of my Heart shall not make void this Covenant for so thou hast said Now Almighty God Searcher of all Hearts thou knowest that I make this Covenant with thee this Day without any known Guile or Reservation beseeching thee That if thou espiest any Flaw
Mat. 7. 7. Psal 30. 18. Joh. 16. 24. Psal 84. 11. Isa 40. 27. Psal 27. 14. Lament 3. 24 25 26. Psal 147. 11. Psal 26. 3 4. Isa 50. 10. Isa 41. 10. Isa 43. 24 25. Isa 44. 22. 1 Joh. 1. 9. 1 Joh. 2. 1. Mark 1. 18 19. Rom. 6. 14. Ezek. 34. 6. Psal 103. 8 9. Job 17. 9. Prov. 4. 18. Phil. 1. 6. Joh. 10. 7. Rom. 16. 20. Heb. 4. 15. These Promises with many more was the Lord pleased to give me in the time of my Distress and Trouble of Spirit and I found them reviving Cordials O how welcome was a Promise to me When I have been ready to despair and to give up all for lost and had nothing to support me then did I take the Bible into my Hand and desire God to direct some sutable Promise to me and opening the Bible the first place I have cast mine Eye upon hath often been a precious and sutable Promise and hath been set home with such Power as wonderfully to comfort me Once being under great Fear and Terror I opened the Bible and the first place I fixed my Eye upon was Isa 54. 4. Fear not for thou shalt not be confounded nor put to shame thou shalt forget the Shame of thy Youth thy Maker is thy Husband the Lord of Hosts is his Name and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel the God of the whole Earth shall he be called for the Lord hath called thee as a Woman forsaken and grieved in Spirit c. For a small Moment have I forsaken thee but with great Mercy will I gather thee In a little Wrath I hid my Face for a moment but with everlasting Kindness will I have Mercy on thee saith the Lord thy Redeemer c. I was wonderfully affected in the reading these sweet Promises and took it as a Voice from Heaven to me because I had desired some such sutable Promise At another time being in great Trouble and fearing I should never hold out but be overcome by Sin and Satan I opened my Bible and the first place I fixed my Eye upon was Isa 41. 10. Fear not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee yea I will help thee yea will uphold thee with the right hand of my Righteousness I cannot express the Comfort I received by this sutable and seasonable Promise One Sabbath-Day Night being still followed with Temptations full of unbelieving Doubts and Fears I was much troubled about it that I who had received such great Mercies should have such vain Thoughts and be so full of Unbelief Notwithstanding the Experience I had of God's Goodness and Mercy to me and the Assurance I had before of his Love I was tempted to think that I was not elected and that therefore all I did was to no purpose and that I should never be saved This was a subtile and strong Temptation Satan did not only labour to drive me off from all Duty but to weaken my Faith and bring me to Despair But the Lord who had many times before wonderfully rescued me from the roaring Lion would not suffer me to be foiled by him but was pleased to present that Scripture to my Eye There is no Temptation has taken you but such as is common to Men and God is Faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above what you are able but will with the Temptation make a way to escape that ye may be able to bear it At another time being greatly troubled with Unbelief that Place in the Revelations was terrible to me The Fearful and Unbelieving shall have their part in the Lake that burns with Fire and Brimstone which is the second Death This made me exceedingly affraid I thought if the Fearful and Unbelieving should perish then surely I should because I was so full of Fears and Doubts and Unbelief But the Lord did not leave me in this great Streight he would not suffer me to be overwhelmed with Sorrow but quickly directed me to a sutable and seasonable Scripture that was as comfortable as the other was terrible 2 Tim. 2. 13. If we believe not yet be abideth faithful he cannot deny himself This Promise was very sweet and sutable to my present Condition neither did I remember there was such a Place before These and many of the fore-named Promises were given me in my Trouble and Distress and the Lord enabled me by his Spirit to make Application of them to my own Soul for my Consolation Certainly I may say with David I had fainted unless I had believed to see the Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living The Sorrows of Death did compass me about and the Pains of Hell got hold upon me I found Trouble and Sorrow Then called I upon the Name of the Lord O Lord I beseech thee deliver my Soul Gracious is the Lord and righteous yea our God is merciful I was brought low and he helped me Return unto thy Rest O my Soul for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee In the multitude of my Thoughts within me thy Comforts delight my Soul In the Day when I cried thou answeredst me and strengthenedst me with Strength in my Soul Blessed be the Lord because he hath heard the Voice of my Supplication the Lord is my Strength and my Song my Heart trusted in him and I am helped If it had not been the Lord who had been on my side when Satan rose up against me he had surely swallowed me up The Lord has called me out of Darkness into his marvelous Light He hath plucked me as a Fire-brand out of Hell and set me in the way to Heaven So that I may say again and again Great is his Mercy towards me for he hath delivered my Soul from the lowest Hell But O! why is it that I am so little sensible of this great Deliverance How can I look back upon all this without admiring the Free Grace and undeserved Love of God towards such a worthless Worm as I who was an Enemy to him and a Rebel against him and had nothing in me but what deserved Hell O that ever the Lord should from Eternity elect and choose me to Salvation through Jesus Christ That God should pass by thousands and let them alone to perish in their Sins and cast a Look of Love upon me and when I was in my Blood say unto me Live That he should not only give his Son for me but to me That he should take me with the Prodigal from the Trough and with the Beggar from the Dunghil and make me an Heir of Glory When I read that Christ's Flock is but a little Flock and that strait is the Gate and narrow is the Way that leads to Life and few there be that find it I cannot but wonder that I should be in that Number And because I cannot sufficiently admire I will therefore adore my Good God But what Returns should I
but a weak Faith if he meet with no Temptation shall scarce know what doubting means and a Man of a strong Faith under strong Temptations may not be able to overcome Fears and Doubts If Assurance did exclude all Doubts and Fears then it should be perfect but as our Faith and all other Graces are imperfect so is Assurance also None have Assurance at all times it is like the Weather sometimes fair sometimes foul yea in the same Day fair in the Morning and cloudy before Night David had such strong Faith at one time that he would not fear tho' ten thousand set themselves against him he would not fear tho' he should pass through the Valley of the shadow of Death At another time he was so full of Fear that he saith he shall one Day perish by the Hands of Saul V. We can never have too high too vast Thoughts of the Goodness of God we do not think aright of God if we do not think him more ready to give than we are to ask There is nothing thou canst go to God for that is according to his Will but he is ten thousand times more ready to bestow than thou art to ask A Child of God may go to him with as full Confidence of his Love as a Child to the most tender Parent in the World nay much more abundantly The blessed Majesty of Heaven is inclined to succour and relieve those that are in Distress and Misery He that puts Bowels of Compassion and Pity into Man shall not he himself be much more pitiful and compassionate Exod. 34. 6. He is merciful and gracious he delights in nothing more than in shewing Mercy You can do nothing more grateful to God nor please him better than to plead for Mercy Mich. 7. 18. When thou pleadest for Mercy thou hast God's Nature pleading the same thing for thee All the yearning Bowels of the most compassionate Parents in the World are but a meer Shadow to the Bowels of God We may go to God in Confidence of being heard for Christ's sake only as if we had never sinned 't is wonderful what the Scripture saith of Faith and Prayer VI. This also may help to sustain and comfort a poor doubting tender Heart that fears and suspects himself of Hypocrisie that those very Fears of thine are some shew of the contrary Men naturally love and flatter themselves but thou loathest thy self for thy Corruptions Be of good cheer 't is Grace and nothing but Grace that complains of Sin 'T is Sincerity and nothing else that discovers and bewails Hypocrisie Especially when thou bewailest Heart-Hypocrisie and such secret and hidden Sins that only God and thy own Heart do know If thou livest not in any known Sin nor in neglect of any known Duty if thou wouldest find out thy Sin if there is no Sin thou wouldest have hid from God's Eye and no Duty thou wouldst have hid from thy own Eye if there is no Sin but thy Heart is against it and no Duty but thy Heart is for it this proves thy Uprightness VII If God never makes his Face to shine on thee in this World yet 't is thy Duty to trust and cleave to him through Christ Would you know why God when he hath wrought Grace doth not enable the Soul presently to perceive it It may be 't is that Sin may be more bitter If we could have Comfort when we would we should have very slight thoughts of Sin Upon sight of thy Graces possibly thou wouldst be proud to hide this Pride God hides our Graces from us It may be God doth it to prove thy Obedience to him for to rely on God's Grace and live by Faith without sensible Tokens of it is the purest Act of Obedience that can be By Assurance we get more Comfort to our selves but by believing we give more Glory to God Therefore saith Christ to Thomas Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed When you have any Evidence of Grace you must be sure to rest only on Christ and trust to him The great Work of a Christian in this World is out of a sense of his Sins and Weaknesses daily to depend on Christ looking to Christ seeing our need of Christ for Pardon and Sanctification and Reconciliation every day This is our great Work How many search for Grace and neglect to put forth Acts of Faith on Christ Alas Graces are but Tokens from Christ Let us not forget depending and relying on the blessed Jesus tho' we have no fight at all of any Grace in our selves Where a Person hath any one sign of Grace he may warrantably conclude all the rest to be there tho' at present he perceive them not 'T is the truth and not the measure and degree of your Grace you are to conclude your State by The prizing and loving and seeking and delighting in the Love and Favour of God above all is a certain Evidence of Grace VIII The greatest sense of Sin and Guilt should discourage none from coming to God for Mercy through Christ because the Mercies of God are infinitely more than a Sinner's Provocations are or can be O 't is boundless Mercy bottomless Mercy There are many like Sinners as thou art but there is none like God for pardoning and forgiving mercy Mic. 6. 18. My thoughts are not your thoughts nor my ways your ways As the heaven is higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts Isa 55. 8. When Conscience is awakened we are ready to doubt whether God will pardon us therefore he fetches Arguments from his gracious and merciful Nature My ways are not your ways If you repent your Sins shall infinitely be out-done We are apt to think God like our selves but the blessed God is of tender Bowels slow to Wrath loth to take Vengeance ready to forgive the greatest Wrong and receive the Sinner into his Favour upon true Repentance There is saith God as vast a difference between my Disposition and Dealing and yours as between Heaven and Earth Thou that art an awakened convinced Sinner the Promises of the Gospel belong unto thee Isa 61. 1. The Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings to the meek to bind up the broken-hearted and to comfort all that mourn Canst thou desire to be in a better Case than those whom Christ hath Commission to take care of The Poor in Spirit the Mourners for their Sins those that hunger after Righteousness not having a drop of Comfort from themselves Christ blesseth and pronounces happy Blessed are the poor in Spirit Not one of them would the Lord have kept from coming to him Mat. 11. 28. Come to me All Ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest Trust to me you that are troubled in Conscience for Sin I will bring you to rest in God's Love and Favour Be not discouraged there is a Mediator for thee whose Worthiness and