our departure doth not part friends now but makes them cleave the closer untill they depart Let us be willing they should die and that will not abate of our love for we cannot be willing untill we have loved them as much as we can We shall be loth they should go without the best testimonies of our love and that will make us only improve our time to have the benefit of them and they of us Seneca tells in one of his Letters Epist 63. that he who gave a great deal of good counsell to others not to grieve was himself almost made an example of one overcome with grief But the truth of it is saith he there was no other cause of that mourning which I must now condemn but only this I did not use to think that my friend might die before me I only had in my mind that he was younger much younger than my self whereas I ought to have added What is this to the purpose Though he ought I imagine to die after me yet he may die before me Because I did not thus meditate I received a stroak when I was unarmed which went to my heart But now I think both that all things are mortall and that there is no certain order of mortality That which may be at all may be to day And if you think that your friend may die to day then why do you not begin to mourn since his death is at hand unless you mean to take it patiently when it comes If you will lament the death of your friends so sadly why do you not prepare your lamentations seeing death may be so near If you think it is not so near then it is likely your sorrow will be violent when it comes because sudden If you think it is and yet do not mourn then why should you lament that so sadly at night which you did not weep for at all at noon There were some creatures they say in Pontus Plutarch whose life lasted but one day They were born in the morning and came to their full growth at noon and grew old in the evening and at night dyed If these animals had been masters of the reason that we have would they have lamented after our fashion would they have mourned for one that chanced to dye at noon when as it could not live longer than night No that which is necessary it is no great matter when it comes And because we are of a longer life our trouble at death is not to be the greater but the less For it is a greater wonder that we did not die many daies agone than that we die to day The kind of death is not so considerable as death it self But some will say that it is not death it self but the kind of death that so troubles them They could have been contented if he had gone out of the world another way But I beseech you do you know what will please your selves Can you tell what sort of death it is that would content you are there any that do not blame their hard fortune and wail and mourn as if none were so miserable are not men equally troubled if one die of a Feavour and another of a Consumption if their love be equal It is very plain that he that perswades himself to part with his friends will not grieve for the manner of the parting He that can overcome himself in the greater cause of grief will not suffer the less so easily to overcome him And therefore you see that men have alwaies something to find fault withall If a friend die in a far Countrey then they say Alas that we should not see him before he dyed how sad is it that we should not take our leave If he die at home then they say who could endure to hear his groans how sad was it to see him in the agonies of death If he die and speak nothing then they say O if he might but have told us his mind if he had left us any remembrances it would have been some comfort If he did speak then they tell his speeches to every one and say O my sweet child or friend I shall never forget thy words Would you have me put out of my mind his dying speeches and so those sayings are a perpetuall nourishment and food to their grief If he die on a sudden then they lament because he was snatched rather than went away If he die of a lingring sickness then they say he was nothing but skin and bone a meer Anatomy never any creature endured so much as he did And so they complain they know not for what for they would not have had him gone away so soon but spun out his life till he lookt more ruefully And indeed men never want some pretences for these complaints but the true reason is that they would not have had their Friends to die at all In what glass soever this potion had been presented they would have swallowed it with the same disgust And I must confess it is very bitter yet we should not study to make it worse than it is but by digesting such considerations as these receive it with a better countenance and take it down more easily For which end let us proceed further and weigh what follows SECT V. Which contains comforts against the loss of Children Parents Consorts Friends upon a due consideration what every one of them is We must consider who the persons are that die LEt us consider well who it is for whom we make our lamentations Who is it I say that death hath taken away from us Perhaps it is an Infant a poor little weakling newly crept into the light And this hath the least of wonder in it of all other things that such a little spark of life should be blown out Comforts against the loss of children A greater wonder it is that it was not strangled in the gate of the womb A little while ago it had no life and it is now but as it then was We were once content without it why cannot we be content without it now It never loved us nor was capable to shew any affection to us and therefore we may the better part with it It was scarce tyed to our heart and therefore it need not make the strings crack It was not unwilling to go out of the world and if it had lived longer death would have been more against its will It hath lost no great matter for it knew not the benefits of life It hath cost us nothing or we have been but at a small charge about it and therefore our loss is not so great neither as we make it If it could have known the miseries of living and it had been put to its choise very likely it would not have chosen to live but to be what now it is It hath not blotted its soul by any sin nor deflowred the Virgin purity wherein it was born
apt to grieve And besides what a folly is it thus to die with continual grief for him who if he did grieve to die his grief continued but a little while He died but once why should we die alwaies It is certain we must die but of all deaths let us not die with grief and much less for grief about that which we see we cannot avoid our selves But let us be furthest of all from making our life a perpetual death and grieving for that which by grief we may so soon run our selves into Weep no more for thy friend than thou wouldst have had him weep for thee IX Ask thy self again Whether two friends do not think that one of them must die first Do we not see that in the common course of things one man goes before another to his grave Who then if it had been permitted to thy choice wouldst thou have appointed to be the leader unto the other Wouldst thou have given thy self the preheminence and resolved to have shewn him the way Then death it seems is a good thing for if it were evil we can scarce believe thy self-love is so little as to wish it might be thy portion before another And if it be good then thou maiest soon satisfie the pretence of loving them better than thy self by being glad that they enjoy it before thy self Or wouldst thou have had both gone together and been enclosed in the same Coffin and interred in the same grave Then it seems it is no such great matter to die as thou makest it seeing thou art so willing to die also And if it be no great matter for thee to live then no more was it unto him If the sorrow of living without him be greater than the sorrow of dying with him why then was not he desirous that thou shouldst die And why did he pray for thy life and health when he died And if he would not have thee to die also when he died why dost thou then live in a kind of death and enjoyest not thy self nor the pleasures of life Either resolve to die also or else to live as a man should do If his death be so sad thou wilt not be able to bear thy own X. Ask thy self How can I take my own death Certain it is that thou must die also but if thou canst not part with a friend how canst thou part with thy self How wilt thou endure that soul and body should be separated if thou canst not shake hands with another body distinct from thine Are not they the most ancient friends Is not their union most strict and close Can two men cleave so together as thy soul embraces its companion What then wilt thou do when their bonds shall be untied if thou canst not bear the rupture of lessr cords of love What wilt thou think when thy soul sits on thy lips and give thy body a farewell kiss if thou canst not close the eyes of thy friend without so many tears Will thy soul mourn after thy body is dead as thou dost now lament the death of thy friend Will it groan and sigh to think of the hole where its flesh lies Will it sight to think that its old companion is then become the companion of worms If not then let it not groan so heavily for a less matter that is now befaln it If it will then why art thou troubled for thy friend and not for thy own self to think how sad thou must one day be The fear of thy own death must more than equall thy sorrow for the death of another man And how canst thou have time to think of any thing else if thou dost fear it Or if thou dost not fear it how canst thou fall under thy sorrow who hast overcome so great a sear Dost thou intend to go crying out of the World If not then be not now dismayed at that which thou must bear so valiantly thy self Then do not mourn so much for the loss of anothers life which will but put self-love into a most piteous case when thou comest to yield up thy own Death is no strange thing as I have said for we must all die But then why should we mourn so much if it be such an usuall thing If we mourn excessively it is a sign we think not of the commonness of it and then how shall we take our own death seeing it is such a stranger to our thoughts Let us but comfort our selves upon solid grounds against our own departure and I will warrant you that shall cure all our other lamentations Let us but dare to die our selves and we shall not dare to cry so much for any mans death Isidore of Pelusium thinks that our Saviour Lib. 23 Epist 173. did not mourn for his friend Lazarus because he was dead for he knew that he was going to raise him from the dead but because he was to live again And to come from the haven where he was arrived back again into the waves and storms from the crown which he enjoyed to a new encounter with his enemies If thou dost not believe his interpretation yet dost thou believe the thing Dost thou seriously consider that the misery of this world is so great that we should rather weep that we are in it than that others are gone out of it Then I ask thee again whether when thou art dead and well thou wouldst willingly live again If not then thou knowest what to say to thy self concernning thy friends death If thou wouldst then it seems thou canst be contented with this grief and I will not go about to comfort thee seeing thou lovest life with all the miseries thou createst to thy self But the very truth is we are so sensible of our bodies and have so little feeling of our souls or divine things that it is ready to make us think we are not when our bodies are dead This makes death such a terrible thing this makes both our own and others death so heavy because it seems as if there were an extinction of us That which we feel not nor have any sense of within us is as if it was not And therefore if we feel not heavenly things and perceive not that we have a soul we shall receive death as if it was the loss of our selves and then who can but be sad Let us live therefore in a sense of such things as may make us die willingly and think that we our selves are not lost and then we shall not think that we have lost our good friends nor lay their death so much to heart Nor wilt thou be able to help others to bear their sorrows XI Ask thy self likewise How wilt thou be able to comfort others if thou canst not comfort thy self It should seem by thy tears that thou art very ambitious of the name of a friend but if thou be not able to comfort thy friend what is he the better for thee And
patient That little sadness will banish and chase away all the greater that else would seize on thee hereafter There will be little to do when death comes if thou constantly dost this Thy soul will be so loose from them that thou wilt not give a shrike none will hear the strings crack when you are separated Death will not be a breaking of your society but a fair and easie untying of it Nothing will happen to you but what you have looked for long before and you shall be able to say This is not the first time that I have seen my dear friend dead Yea think with thy self that thou seest thy own body laid in the grave and that thou feelest thy self as cold as a clod of Earth Think that thou art turned into rottenness and dirt and that thou art forgotten by thy neighbours If thy soul can endure these thoughts then why should it be troubled at the death of another This is a kind of death to be so separated from thy body in thy thoughts It is all one not to be in the body and not to feel that thou art in it Raise thy mind then up toward heavenly things fix thy thoughts on God and the life to come think that thou seest thy self in heaven among the Saints of God and while thy soul is there it is not in thy body here below This kind of death differs from that which will be hereafter in this only that then thou wilt be more perfectly out of thy body But if there be no trouble in this separation which thou now makest even whilest thou art in it There will be far less trouble one would think quite to part with it and to get from it We must not let false opinions live And the way to be dead to these earthly things is to change our opinion of them and to see them to be what indeed they are empty and unsatisfying changeable and unconstant Of this I have spoken before in the former discourse but seeing in it a thing so great and fundamental to our contentment let me again present you with it We are the cause of our own grief by magnifying the things of the world to such a value that the loss of them shall be worth so many tears We think that they are happy who are rich and honourable though they be never so wicked and unskilful how to live 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. L. 1 cap. 19. We presently cry up a man for wise and what not Who to use Arrianus his phrase is preferred by Caesar though it be but to be Groom of his close-stool And on the contrary we despise vertue if it be in a thread-bare coat and count him a fool who is unfortunate No wonder then that we cry and whine like children when we lose any of these worldly things seeing we think our selves more happy than men in the enjoyment of them We think that we are undone when we part with that which we have such an high opinion of and there is no way to make us think that all is safe but by altering of that foolish opinion We expect what cannot be and will not be content with what may easily be We cannot make the things of this world to be still and quiet but may make our selves so and the way to that quietness is well to consider their inconstancy and that our happiness is in something better It was a good rule which Pythagoras gave to all his Schollars and is the same that I would have you learn 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Do not walk in the high way i. e. Do not follow the common opinions be not led by vulgar and popular apprehensions Rectifie the ordinary conceits which you have carelesly entertained of things and judge of them as they are in themselves and not as they are reputed of If we would do thus then that which is the cause of our sorrow would be the cause of our tranquillity because nothing hath left us but that which we knew would not stay with us We mourn now because things are so inconstant but then we should not mourn because we knew them to be inconstant If we could make it good that any of these things are ours then I might avouch it that they would never have left us But if they were not ours why are we offended that God doth what he will with his own And besides shall we who are so inconstant oblige all things besides our selves to constancy Shall we whose desires are so restless and uncertain expect that all things but only we should be stable and quiet No let us look into our selves and we shall find so much difficulty to settle them that we shall not wonder that other things are unsettled And again if things be so mutable why should we not think as I have already said that they will one day change to what we would have them But suppose they should what are we the better If our opinion be not turned too we shall be as much afraid to lose them again seeing they are so unconstant as now we are desirous to have them by the benefit of their inconstancy We must therefore alter our esteem of things now else we shall only change our trouble but not be rid of it when things are changed Adeo nihil est miserum nisi cùm putes c. So certain it is that nothing is miserable but when we think it is so and that nothing will make us happy unless we think that we are happy And we had better think so now than stay to be taught this lesson by the dear experience of a great many troubles Let thine estate be never so prosperous yet if thine heart be unmortified thou wilt never be the nearer but rather the further off from settlement For they that have the greatest abundance are the soonest disturbed by every trisle because they are not used to have any thing go contrary to their humour But if thou wilt take any comfort from the unconstancy of things let it be this That if thou thinkest thy self therefore unfortunate because those things are gone that were joyful then thou mayst think thy self happy enough seeing the things that are unpleasant are going away also And think I beseech you once more and be of this opinion That there is nothing better in this world to thee than thy self As long therefore as thou hast thy self why shouldst thou be troubled especially if thou thy self thinkest never the worse of thy self because thou art poor and destitute of friends For these take away nothing of thy self nor can any thing in the world deprive thee of thy self And as Boethius well saith This is the condition of humane nature that it then only excels all things here when it knows it self but when it doth not it is below the very Beasts For it is natural for them to be ignorant but for a man it is the basest vice especially
returned to him again Did he ever promise you how long you should have it may he not call for his own when he thinks good do not other men pay this debt to nature as well as you Seeing then it is both a common and a necessary debt do not repine as if you did only pay it He is an unworthy debtor that returns what is lent with a reproach to his creditor And therefore give it up chearfully perhaps he may intrust you with something better While David saw that his child was alive 2 Sam. 12. he earnestly besought of God that it might not die but when once it had given up the ghost he anoints his head and puts on other garments because he knew God was not bound to work a miracle though he might be inclined to shew mercy While there was life there was some hope of mercy but when it was dead there was no hope of a miracle And yet there is one thing that may be pertinently observed in that story of David which exceedingly argues our folly Though God had said by a Prophet that his child should die yet he earnestly beg'd that it might live Men are not so earnest for that which they may be assured God will do if it concern their souls as they are for that which they have all reason to fear he will not do if it concern their bodies Men would have him recall his word and alter his decrees in temporall matters but they little mind the obtaining of his promises and the fulfilling of his Word in spiritual concernments They would have life as long as they please which they know he will not bestow but they seek not for contentment which they may be assured he hath a mind to give They would have him willing to let them enjoy their friends alwaies which cannot be but they seek not to him that they may be willing to part with them though they must part with them and he would make them willing Death is not only necessary but good For shame let us not continue in this kind of folly to be angry at things necessary which we cannot avoid and to neglect those necessaries which we cannot want And since death is such a common thing and so easie to be met with that every thing in the world may bring it to us let us further consider that it cannot be very hurtfull in it self for all such things are more unusuall and rare God is not so unkind unto the world as to let the most noxious and poysonous things grow every where in the greatest plenty Things of that nature are but thinly scattered through the world they lye hid and dare not commonly appear Since death therefore is in every thing since it lurks not for us like a Serpent in the grass but the smallest thing in this world may strike us with it let us verily perswade our selves that there is no such great harm in it as we imagine especially considering that there is another life I am sure that some as wise as we that mourn so much have thought that death was the best thing that befalls the sons of men And if we do not think so it is because we think not of death it self It is a common story which Pindar was first Author of how that Agamedes and Trophonius Plutarch ad Apollon having built the Temple of Apollo asked a reward of that God for their service He promised that after seven daies he would pay them well for their pains at the end of which they both died in the midst of a sleep This the world believed was a lesson to them that God could do men no greater favour than to take them out of the miseries of life Not long after this Pindar himself exemplified the same truth that he had taught For when by the Embassadours of Boeotia he askt the Oracle What was the very best thing that could befall men The answer was that Pindar knew well enough V. etiam Suidam in voc 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 if he did not lie when he wrote the story of Agamedes but if he doubted he should shortly know what it was This he intrepreted to signifie his death which within a few daies after hapned But perhaps we are not of this mind and I need not go to an Oracle to know the reason which is plainly this We are acquainted with no other life but this If the world had not so much of our hearts we should not find any fault with the necessity of death because it would become desirable We should not then be so sorry for our friends departure as for our own stay We should be glad that neither they nor we were necessitated to dwell there alwaies where there are so many troubles that he is happiest who is soonest freed from them But there were many that thought not much of the goodness of death who yet were comforted with the bare thoughts of necessity How many Heathens might I tell you of who fled to this one truth for refuge and found protection under it against the assaults of sorrow Nothing is hapned to me but what hapneth to all The first minute that we began to live we began to die This is not the first but the last moment of death It is now finished but it was born when we were born When one came and told Anaxagoras in the midst of a lecture that his child was dead Hold thy peace said he I knew that I begat a son that was mortall and so proceeded in his Discourse without any accents of grief or a mournful tone And so another said to his friend when he saw him weeping for his wife I thought you had known that you married a woman and not a goddess Do but remember then what the thing is that thou lovest and thou must be willing either to leave or not to love it As they used to stand behind them that triumphed and to admonish them You are but mortall men so let us say to our selves when Love is in its greatest flames 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Arrian l. 3. cap. 24. I love a dying person What hurt is there while we embrace and kiss a child to say 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 to morrow it may dye and so to discourse with our friends To morrow either you or I may go away To think of their death doth not make our lives uncomfortable and never thus embrace any more Doth it make our love the less doth it make us avoid their presence No therefore we are so greedy of our friends society because we know not how long we may enjoy them It makes love more fervently desirous to have all of them now because it knows that it may have none of them ere it be long It teaches us to use their friendship to the best advantages we can because we are not like to have the use of it as long as we please The knowledge of
If it have any thing to complain of it is only this that it was born And therefore let us be content for it is better perhaps for it and not much the worse for us If we weep so much for an Infant what shall we do for a man Either let us now let down the sluce or else expect that we shall then be drowned If he had lived to be a man it might have done as we do miserably bewail the death of its children And therefore either let us not thus bewail it or else think it happy that it lived not to be so miserable as we think our selves Unreasonable to mourn for one when we have more and both waies our grief will be cured But suppose it be a child of a larger growth whose death extorts these tears from us Yet it is but one and we may have many more remaining Shall we lose all the content of a great many because we suffer the want of one If the life of this one would have pleased us so much then how joyfull should we be in the life of four or five If it be such a grief to lose a child then let us be thankfull that we lie not under the miserable grief of losing them all But if we cannot take this patiently then I doubt we shall run mad with impatience if God should take them all away We must learn to part with more by parting willingly with this one for all must die too Can he bear a stone weight who cannot endure the load of one pound and yet how justly may we fear that all the rest should shortly follow seeing we fret so much at Gods hand in this Suppose that this was the most goodly child yet not fairer sure than all the rest put together Or if he was most beautifull yet some of the others may be more wise If this had all our love then we may learn now how to divide our love equally and take pleasure in loving more If he loved us most then he would have wisht us if he had thought of it not to make our selves miserable by mourning for him Dion Chryst Orat 30. So Charidemus said to his friends when he was a dying It is Gods will that I should die and there can nothing that is hurtfull come from him I am very willing to die and I beseech you believe me in what I say for I have a greater care to speak truth now than any of you can have Grieve not for me for I grieve not do not make your selves miserable for I think not my self to be so 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 As much as ever you are able refrain from all sadness for no sad thing hath befaln me Thus we should say to our friends if we love them and therefore their love to us should not make us sad because they would have all they love to be chearfull If they could tell us their mind they would certainly bid us cease our mourning and therefore let us end it of our own accord Let there be such an harmony still between us in our wills and desires that we may not be wailing and lamenting when they are wishing we may be comforted Or when we may have more But let it be supposed that it is an only child yet are there not many hopes that you may have more who gave you this cannot he give you another hath not he that hath the keyes of the grave the keyes of the womb also If one die then as long as the world lasts another shall be born And if we desire children for the good of the world then so they be born it is no matter by whom But if for our sake then we may have them as well as others though perpetuall grief and sadness you may be sure is not the way to procure them Or if God will give us none then we may adopt one Any child will love us as if it was our own if it know not that it is any bodies else Nay any one will love and serve us for what we have and instead of one we shall have many that will thank us more than he perhaps to be our heirs but if we have nothing then why should we desire children for to leave them miserable but as I said why should we not hope for more and those better than him we lost with this hope David comforted Bathsheba his wife 2. Sam. 12.24 who bare a Jedidiah a man beloved of the Lord. If we count it such a strange thing to die then it should seem it is an ordinary thing to live and so why should we not expect the new life of another But if it be no strange thing to die then as I have said already we may well be comforted Or if we should have no more yet this may be some comfort that then we shall have no more to mourn thus sadly for Yea suppose thou art the last of thy family and name as was the great Scaliger and Lipsius also another excellent Scholar it is no great matter seeing the world is not to last long If thy name must have an end what needest thou to trouble thy self when it ends And if men can think it no harm to suffer their name to die of it self as Scaliger did who would not marry why shouldst thou be troubled if thine perish after due care to preserve and uphold it Or when it is uncertain whether they or none at all be better But then if thou hadst never so many children yet who knows how they may prove If they should be bad then thou thy self wilt say that it had been better they had never been They that thou mournest for because they are dead might have given thee greater cause of mourning if they had lived If the death of a child be sad his wickedness would have been far sadder for that is a worser death He that dies doth trouble his Parents but once but he that is bad is a perpetuall torment to them He that is dead cannot indeed help his Parents but then he doth not hurt them as many a bad one doth For those that are dead we only grieve we do not fear but for those that are bad we fear perpetually and we grieve also yea all the sorrow we now conceive at their death will not equall perhaps the meer fear which we should have had from their infancy lest their life should prove bad It is said in the life of John the Patriarch of Alexandria that a Merchant came to him to pray for a son of his that was at Sea that he might be safe Within a moneth the child dyed and his ship likewise was cast away And when he was much troubled at this double loss he thought one night that he saw the Patriarch standing by his bed and saying to him Thou desiredst me to pray that thy son might be safe and behold now he is safe for he is dead If
Fatigatum multis adversis oppressit me haec extrema infaelicitas being wearied before with many griefs this last unhappiness made me fall to the ground It was not its strength but his own fore-going weakness that made him fall It was not heavy but it came upon the back of many other loads and so oppressed him But something had been said to this also For holy Job was in the same condition and far worse one messenger did tread upon the heels of an other to bring him tidings of his misery and yet he was patient though he himself likewise was in his own body most sadly afflicted We have the same grounds of comfort that he had and abundance more than was known in those younger times And when one cause of trouble falls upon the neck of another we can add one reason likewise unto another and so be comforted For our troubles can never be so many as the causes of our consolation are Yea one single reason of those that I have propounded will answer all Do we not know very well that all friends are mortal Then it can be no new thing if we well consider it for two or three to die after we have lost one But the loss of one doth rather mind us of the mortality of all And doth not God govern the world in the death of the last as well as of the first Then there is no less wisdom and goodness in it when many die than when one He that can solidly comfort himself in the death of one will not be immoderately troubled for the loss of more If we let our grief indeed work under-ground while nothing of it appears if our hearts be loaded with it though our eyes look not heavily before others then it is no wonder if it do at last break forth When the heart is over-charged and can find no other way to ease it self But if we take a course to comfort our hearts at the very first and make them truly contented or if we let not the grief settle it self but labour to dislodge it then we shall be the better disposed to bear such another cross with the like patience For then a new trouble doth not come upon the other but only follows after it it doth not add to the former but only comes in its stead it doth not augment but only renew our grief We should not be the more troubled because we understand our trouble XIV And now is it not time to conclude these questions and to say to your selves Why should not reason do that which little or no reason can do The more we are men shall we be the less in peace and cry like children Nay children weep while they see their Parents put into the Grave and within a day or two they forget their sorrows why cannot we do so also Though they know not their loss yet they know not the reasons neither why they should not be discontented for their loss Though they have little understanding of their sufferings yet they have as little knowledge of our comforts and supports And as for brute creatures you see that they make a doleful noise for the loss of their young a very short while and then they remember it no more Some of the people of Cous if I forget not used at the age of seventy years either to kill their Parents or pine them to death and to rejoyce much at it They though that they had lived long enough and that it was both a misery to themselves and a great burden to their children to have them continue any longer The Caspians also and some of the people of old Spain had the like custom which we well call inhumane and barbarous But why cannot understanding teach us that which want of understanding taught them Why should Barbarism make them rejoyce at what they did themselves and Christianity make us sad at what is done by God and the order of things St. Hierome reports that in his time there was at Rome a man who had had twenty Wives marryed to a woman who had had two and twenty Husbands There was great expectations which of them should die first and when the man buried her his neighbours crowned him with Lawrel and caused him to bear a bough of Palm in his hand in token of a Victory at his wives funerals It seems that men can sport at death if they list and laugh at that which makes so many cry Why then cannot reason make us moderately sad to bear that which humour and fancy can make men not to lament at all Why cannot our Religion do more with us than the people or our friends who it is like can laugh us sometimes out of our sorrows If I have not said too much in this argument I have some confidence that I have not said too little And indeed I have said more than I first intended and so much that if any have the patience to read it through me thinks the very length of the discourse should make them forget their sorrows and by thinking so long upon another thing they should not remember what they thought upon before One soul is scarce big enough to hold all these considerations and the thoughts of grief also Here are so many that they are able to thrust sorrow out of doors by their multitude if not by their strength and force And yet notwithstanding I must detain you a little longer before I give your thoughts leave to turn themselves to other things For I am of the mind that all these considerations will only asswage the grief and pricking of the wound but will not quite heal it and take away its putrefaction I shall therefore commend two or three things for the pressing out all the filthy matter for the closing of the sore and to make the soul perfectly whole and sound SECT VIII Some other things are proposed for the perfect cure of the soul The first of which is deadness to the world and the casting out false opinions The second is the changing of our sorrow into another kind The third is the Life of our Lord Jesus I. It is not their death but the life of something else that troubles us BE dead to all things and thou wilt not be offended that they die Mortifie thy spirit to the world and all things that are in it and when thou hast left them it will seem no wonder that they leave thee Think with thy self often that thy friends are dead that thou seest them carryed to the grave that thou beholdest worms crawling out of their eyes and mouth and try how thou art able to bear that thought Think that he or she that lies in thy bed by thy side is as cold as a stone think that thou embracest the carkass of thy dear friend and ask thy soul how it can brook it Think thus often and though thy soul may start at the first yet at last it will be
A Consolatory DISCOURSE To prevent Immoderate GRIEF For the Death of our FRIENDS LONDON Printed by R.W. for Francis Tyton at the three Daggers in Fleet-street neer the Inner Temple gate 1671. A Consolatory Discourse to prevent Immoderate Grief for the Death of our Friends SECT I. Wherein is shown the need of a Consolatory Discourse against the lost of our friends The need of this discourse IT is left upon record by St. Hierom concerning Paulina that though she was a Lady whose passions were under admirable government in other things yet when any of her children dyed she was oppressed with so great a sorrow that he had much ado to save her from being drowned in the floods of it But it is not so great a wonder that a person of the tenderer sex should feel such a tempest as that David a man of war who had overcome so many enemies should himself be overcome with grief for a disobedient son It is said that a Lacedaemonian woman having sent five sons to a battle stood at the Gates of Sparta to expect the event and when she met one coming from the Camp she askt him what was done All thy five sons said the man are slain Away thou fool answered she again I enquired not of this but of the issue of the fight When he told her that her Countrymen had got the better then farewell my sons said she and let us rejoyce that Sparta is saved But David it seems had not attained to this faeminine courage 2 Sam. 18.24 for he sate between the gates waiting for news of the success and when he heard of the loss but of one son and he a Traitor to his Countrey he could not contain himself till he came into the house but went up to the chamber over the gate to lament his son V. 33. as though he had lost the day by losing him Nay he could not refrain so long till he came into the chamber but he watered the stairs with his tears and wept as he went up saying O my son Absalom my son my son Absalom Would God I had dyed for thee O Absalom my son my son This lamentation of his cannot but call to mind the tears which Achilles another great warriour shed over the grave of his friend Patroclus where 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as Homer speaks he wept most horribly as if he would have killed himself This love is such a powerful thing that if it hath placed any object in our heart we can scarce suffer it to be taken from us without rending and tearing our hearts in pieces Such a strange union doth it make between two persons that we can scarce give that man any welcome that brings us the news of a separation And therefore some of the ancient Carthaginians as I remember knowing how hard it is to love those who bring us the tydings of the death of them that we love would never send such a message but by the hand of some condemned man whom they were never like to see again I am ready here to interrupt my discourse and in the very beginning to fall into a passion with my self when I think how patiently we can suffer our souls to be divided from God whom we pretend to love O Love how great things should we do if we did but Love how angry should we be at the temptation which would draw him from us whom our souls Love Antonius Guevara had a Neece who was so passionately in love with a little Bitch that at the death of it she fell into a Feaver Fpist ad famil pars 21. and was fain to keep her bed The good man did well rather to chide than to comfort her and to write a Satyr rather than a consolatory letter to her but yet in that strange passion of hers we may clearly see how incident it is unto us to take heavily the loss of what we love Now there is no greater love than that which is between near kindred and friends and no man that knows the pleasure of it would disswade any from such love and yet it is necessary that we should not mourn for them as if we loved nothing else which will render it perhaps an acceptable piece of service unto some if I endeavour to ease them of this kind of sorrow and though I have touched but lightly upon other maladies in the foregoing Treatise yet I apply some particular plaisters to this great and general sore SECT 2. Wherein is shown that we may grant nature leave to ease it self by moderate tears and two Advices are given to keep us from making an ill use of this Grant We may mourn moderately YOu must not think that it is in my design to take away your trouble by taking you off from all love and friendship for that would be as ridiculous as the device to cure drunkenness by cutting up all the Vines I would not have a man to love none but himself out of a fear that he should be troubled at the loss of them as much as at the loss of himself This would be to cure one evil by a greater and to ease men of a short trouble by letting them want the constant easement and sweetest comfort of our lives which is our friends Neither do I intend to write like a Stoick and stupifie all your passions so that you should not mourn at all for that is an impossible thing if we have any love Grace doth not root out nature nor quite dry up all our tears but it rather makes our hearts more moist and tender and causes it to express it self in a becoming affection unto others as David and that Lady may teach us They are sturdy not generous that are void of all grief they are rather hard than constant rather unexperienced than reasonable that forbid all sadness But it is my design to bring you to a moderation both in love and in sorrow that you may do as much as becomes good friends but no more than becomes good men Not to be sensible of evils is not to be men not to bear them patiently is not to be Christians It is neither to be hoped nor to be desired that we should shed no tears at all but it is both necessary and attainable that we should let them flow In measures Lacrymandum est Sencea Epist 63 sed non plorandum We may weep but we must not mail and lament We must be natural but we must be also reasonable We must approve our selves both to men and unto God that they may see we are loving friends and that he may see we are his dutiful children Est enim quaedam dolendi modestia For there is a dertain modesty even in mourning and it is as unseemly to weep immoderately as it is not to weep at all And let none think that by this concession unto nature and decency the wound will be made incurable and that it is easter
likewise taken notice of by some which follows in the next verse He stood up from before his dead as if it signified that he turned his dyes from her that so he might not be overcome with grief We must not love to look on our losses nor think that it becomes us to weep as long as we can But we should learn by the manners of Gods people to do all we can to make our mourning short Yea I might teach you from Heathens themselves if examples would do us any good Plutarch in Lycurg Lycurgus ordained that none should weep above eleven daies and that they should make no Funeral solemnities 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Plut. in Solone Solon likewise took them away that so he might ease men of those howlings and lamentations which they use to make at their friends Interment Augustus as Seneca observes though he lost all his children and Nephews and was fain to adopt an heir yet he was so little moved at their death that he constantly went to the Senate and neglected no Publick affairs Pericles likewise having lost two sons of great hope within the compass of eight daies put on notwithstanding a white garment and with a great constancy of mind went to deliberate about the necessities of the Common-wealth All stories are full of such great souls that after they had conquered others at last conquered themselves also I know it will cure no man to tell him that his neighbour was cured yet these examples do commend to us the remedies which they used and give us hopes that our griefs are not incurable SECT IV. Which teaches us to consider what death is First Common Secondly Necessary Thirdly Good And if we thought more of it we should not be unwilling to part neither doth the manner of parting make any considerable difference What it is that must ease us THE cure of this distemper doth lye chiefly in a fulness of considerations wherewithall our minds must be stored Nothing can resist grief but a great mind no mind can be great that is not big with truth nothing can impregnate us with truth but serious advice and consideration in our selves and therefore we must provide our selves with sufficient Antidotes that may be ready at hand when we have need of them Our souls must be as an Apothecary and our hearts must be the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 or shop where all medicines are in a readiness against any grief or malady that shall invade us If we have our remedies to gather and to compound when our sickness comes the mind will be so weak that it will not be able to make them We have least power to consider when we are full of sorrow our affections are ready to overlay our reasons and therefore we must have our medicines made before that then we may have nothing else to do but only to take them And we shall find that to have so much labour in it our stomacks being squeamish and nauseating that we shall clearly see we need have nothing else to do I. The first means is to consider what it is that we lament First then Let us seriously consider What is it that we grieve for It is soon answered that we mourn for the Death of those that we love For their Death What is that I beseech you Is death such a strange and unusuall thing that we should take it heavily Are your friends the first that ever dyed Are you the only persons that God hath singled out to be left alone Do you not see that every thing in the world can cause death Death is an usuall thing The wind the lightning the fire the smoak the dust of the earth the water our meat and drink our own passions our joy our sorrow and a thousand other things can bring us to our graves Why then should it be lamented as if it were some wonder at which all the world should be astonished Men fill the air with sighs they beat the Heavens with their groans they cloath themselves with darkness and they pour out floods as in a tempest Why what is the matter Is the Sun faln from its Orb are all the lights of Heaven extinguished are they carrying out the worlds funeral What is it then that causes this moan A friend is dead There is one man less in the world than there was O wonderfull what a prodigy is this One that was born to die is dead It had been a wonder indeed if he had not dyed Then we might have filled the earth with noises Then there had been some cause for a tumult But now it is rather a wonder that men should make such a stir at an ordinary and common thing than that a thing so common should happen unto them One would rather look to see no tears than no death and we might more easily excuse their not weeping at all than we can these dolefull lamentations Death is necessary Is it not necessary that our friends should dye yea it is so necessary that it is a thing past and cannot be recalled when men weep most for it If you can bring them back again with your tears if there be any hopes that with the noise you make they should revive to comfort you then you have leave to weep as much as you please Is there any Elijah or Elisha that can stretch forth themselves upon them and recover them to their warmth Is there any Paul or Peter or such great men that can raise them from the dead Go then and intreat them for to pitty you Beat your breasts tear your hair break your sleep with sorrow macerate your selves with fasting that they may take some compassion upon you But if all this pains be lost never put your selves into it but say Why should I have my labour for my pains And did not all those men die again that they raised Were they made immortall here upon the earth what good would it do you to have them called to life again if they must again die How would you be able to part with them then if not now What an uncomfortable life would you lead out of fear every day to fall into the same sadness How desolate would you be even in their company unless you learnt not to be troubled nor distracted And if that must be learnt then let us learn it now when it is as necessary as it would be then Do you take it ill that the Apple rots and your trees decay and your cloaths grow bear and that any thing in this world is according to its nature Why then do you bewail it with such passion that men die which is as natural to them as it is to be born Would you have God make the world anew for your sakes will you not be contented unless he make a mortall thing immortall Is it not sufficient that you know it must die and that he gave it to you that it may be
he had lived wickedly in his future course then he could not have been safe And besides their badness suppose our children should have died of some infamous and base death this would have troubled us more than death it self Yea some there have been that have sought their Parents death and what a trouble would this have been Some have slain their fathers and others their mothers and who was there left to mourn then If you be affrighted at these strange supposals which sometimes have had a reall truth yet consider once more that if they had not been bad notwithstanding who knows what miseries they might have endured worse than death Can you tell what misfortunes might have befaln them which might have made them wish they had died sooner They are now dead perhaps they have that which afterward they might have desired and not so easily obtained For how many and frequent occasions are there of sorrow here To find a life without Crosses we must seek among them that last but from morn to night And so great are the troubles and anguish which some endure that their life is nothing else but a long continued death Which made one of the Gymnosophists answer Alexander when he askt whether death or life was stronger Life sure for that bears the most evils And suppose he that is dead should not have been miserable yet now he is gone if he might rise again it is likely he would not lest he should know again the fear and the pains of dying He is freed from the vanity and vexation of life and from the terrours and agonies of death He hath left the evils of this world as well as the goods and is out of a capacity of suffering as well as of enjoying any thing here This is one of the comforts I remember which that great Divine Greg. Nazianz. gives his Parents against the loss of his dear Brother Caesarius * Orat. 10. p. 172. edit Paris We are sad to think saith he that Caesarius shall rule and govern no more but let us consider withall that none shall hereafter domineer or tyrannize over him None shall fear or stand in awe of him more but he shall not fear neither the insolencies of a grievous Master who is not worthy perhaps to be a servant He shall heap up no more riches No nor shall he be envyed by others or tormented by his own desires of increasing wealth Hippocrates Galen and all the rest he shall expound no more but he shall not labour under diseases neither no nor bear the burden of other mens miseries He shall demonstrate Euclid Ptolomy and Hero no more but he shall not be vexed neither with the proud Ignorance of empty people Plato and Aristotle and Pyrrho and all their fellows can do him no more credit nor shall he cast in his mind how to dissolve their little subtilties What shall I remember more Those high priz'd things which are so greedily sought by all wife and children he shall have none nor shall he mourn for them or be lamented by them either by leaving them to others or being left himself a monument of calamity All this is true may some say my child is free from all the dangers and miseries of this life but if you knew what a rare Creature it was that I have lost you would allow my continued complaints The Heir of an illustrious House the prop of his Family the Hope of his Country the child of a thousand Prayers and that in the Spring and flowr of his Age. What heart of Adamant would not sympathize with one in this condition Some letters of the Antients on this subject I 'le answer you in the words of a great Friend of the Father now mention'd who is ready to comply with your sorrows if you will be but as forward to receive his consolations I confess saith St. Basil in a letter of his to Nectarius * Epist 188. on this subject that it is impossible to be insensible of your loss There was no body but wisht when he was alive that they had such a Son and when he was dead they wept for him as if he had been their own Nay if we would complain and abandon our selves to weeping for this accident the whole time of our life is not long enough for it If all mankind would groan with us they could not make a lamentation equall to this loss no though they should make a River with their tears The Sun himself if he were sensible would shrink at such a spectacle But if we will let the gift of God which he hath put into our hearts interpose that sober reason which sets a measure to our Souls in prosperity it will suggest many things which we have seen and heard to moderate us in these sad circumstances It will tell us that this life is full of affliction and that all places abound with examples of humane calamities But above all that it is the command of God not to lament the dead in the Faith of Christ because of the hope of the Resurrection and that there are great crowns laid up for great patience If we suffer Reason to sing these things in our eares we may find some moderate end of this evil And therefore I exhort thee as a generous Combatant to fortifie thy self against the heaviness of this stroke and not lie down under the weight of sorrow Being perswaded that though the reasons of Gods dispensations are out of our reach yet we ought intirely to accept that which is ordered by one so wise and loving although it be heavy and grievous to be born For he knows how to appoint to every one what is profitable and why he hath set unequall terms to our life The cause is incomprehensible by us why some are carried away sooner and others tarry longer in this toilsome and miserable life so that we ought in all things to adore his loving kindness and not to take any thing ill at his hands Remembring the great and famous voice of Job who when he heard that his ten children were all struck dead in one moment said The Lord gave the Lord hath taken away as it pleased the Lord so it is come to pass Let us make this admirable language our own They are rewarded with an equall recompence by the just judge who perform the same worthy actions We are not robbed of a child but only have restored him to the lender nor is his life extinct but only translated to a better The earth doth not cover our beloved but Heaven hath received him let us tarry a while and we shall be in his company The distance of time is but short between the arrivall of several travellers to their Inne into which some are already turned others are entring and the rest are making great hast toward it but they shall all come to one end For though some perform the journey sooner yet all are in the same
not been to go out Considerations about the death of Parents what need would there have been of bringing us in If they were designed to stay alwaies then there had been no room for us They might more easily remember their mortality than we for there is no act that puts us more in mind of death than that whereby we give another life And it is but one of them it is likely that we have lost we may then love the other the more Or if both yet we have least reason to complain about their death of all others for both Nature and they themselves and we also would have them die before us We complain that people die when they are young and will we complain too when they die of old age Then it seems we will have none die and cannot be contented unless they live alwaies Would they have been willing to have been left childless without you If not then they have their choice to go first Or are you so well in love with death that it would have been more acceptable to you to have gone before or so much in love with them that on that account you had rather have died than they Then know that your death would as much more have troubled them than theirs doth you as the love of Parents to their children transcends the love of all children unto them It is very well then as it is It is not handsome neither to complain when we are forty or fifty years of age that our Parents are dead for they could live no longer or if they could it would have been but a kind of death If we will not cease to complain when we are of age neither shall we ever cease when we grow older For as Cardan tells us A poor woman once came to his door to beg an alms and though she were seventy years of age yet she used this argument in her complaints That she was a poor fatherless and motherless creature and had none to take any care of her We need the less of their care when we can take care of our selves But perhaps they die before we are of age and can take care of our selves Then we are least sensible of their loss or if we are so considerate as to know that we may consider also such things as these There is none fatherless that hath God for his Father and he that hath not would be little better for his earthly Parents If they were good let us follow their example and remember their Counsell if they were bad they would not have been true Parents to us and it is well perhaps that we had not such an example to follow They may live still in us if they were good if they were bad we had need live the better and spend those tears for their sins which may entail curses on us which we bestow upon them But besides it is observed by some that the most eminent persons that have been in the world did lose their Parents when they were young or else it is like they had not proved so eminent The great Caesar and his successor Augustus Alexander the Monarch of the World Cicero the famous Orator Galen the most excellent Physitian Aristotle the great Philosopher are all examples of this truth If these had enjoyed the support of their Parents to lean upon they might not have tryed their own sufficiency nor exercised their abilities or else they might have been wholly eclipsed by their lustre and done nothing to be taken notice of in the World And of Husband of Wife But my loss will some sorrowfull Creature say is greater than all this no loss than half my self is gone from me Death hath ravished an Husband out of my bosome and he the tenderest in the world A sad case I must confess but it is well since Death is so common that he hath left one half and not taken all Would he had will that passionate soul reply I cannot live in any joy now that the better part of me is dead and gone O that I had never lived to see this day or not out-liv'd it Who can think of so wide a breach and not be ready to go out at it But stay a little I beseech you did you never think of this before now Did you not take one another with this clause Till Death us do part Death and you ought to have been better acquainted before this time It sought your acquaintance long ago and would have been as familiar with you as your Husband Who spoke of parting with you when you first came together and now that you are parted hath set you free again as you were before If you like that State so well you are at liberty to seek another self If you do not like to be tyed in such a yoke Why do you mourn thus for the gaining of your freedom Or if you liked that person so well as not to be able to think of any other then you may have the glory to stand among the rare and noble examples of conjugall love and friendship who have preserved the Image of their deceased Husband or Wife so lively ingraven in their hearts that nothing could ever displace it or blot it out Alas may some of the tenderer sex say whose hearts are commonly most deeply wounded with this affliction what a pitifull glory is this and what a torment will it prove to me to have only the image of such a person ever in my sight It is not possible to keep my self from being in pain and anguish when I feel that he is torn from me Since God hath made Man and Wife not to be two but one flesh How can I take this separation otherwaies than as if my body was cut in sunder In such language I remember St. Bafill represents the complaints of a desolate Widdow And if you please hear his Answer in a letter to the Wife of Arinthaeus * Epist 186. Some part or other of which may help perhaps to compose the spirits of such persons whom I cannot but pity above all other and make them conceive some joy when they look upon the Image of what they have lost And if you meet with some things in it that have been said already do not therefore skip it over hastily For second thoughts of a good thing are better than the first and the same thing in a new dress may meet with those affections which it did not excite before There is none saith he that doth not sigh for such a man Who can be so stony hearted as not to shed a tear for him Yet let us not complain that we are deprived of him but give thanks to God who joyn'd you together that you have lived so long with him To be bereaved of an Husband is common to you with all other women But to dwell with such an one it may be questioned whether any can glory in the like happiness For
loved one so gentle and compliant as if he was but wax to thy impressions one that made thee shine as the Moon doth with the rayes of the Sun And suppose thou hadst a child by this dear person who dies before be comes of age Wouldst thou be miserably tormented and overwhelmed with sorrow and grief for the death of this child while thou didst enjoy such a better love No in no wise He that is so fair and beautifull in thine eyes would supply the want of it as the Sun doth the absence of the Stars He that is now loved and esteemed would quite obscure and hide all the others excellencies Do but love God then more than this Husband and his glory which puts out the lustre of all other things will make thee as little troubled at his death as in the other case thou wouldst be for thy childs Nay far less one would in reason think in as much as God is infinitely more above that Husband than he above the Child Besides what is it which thou receivest from thy Husband that is comparable to what the love of God gives thee Are they not pangs and labours and as the world goes unkind words perhaps and angry chidings Or if thou canst tell me of better things what are they What are fine cloaths and Jewels and honours and such like things to the Son of God to the Brother-hood and Adoption to the Kingdom and eternall Glory to the life of God and coheirship with the only begotten Wilt thou after all this tell me thou canst not but be passionately troubled for thy Husbands loss Me thinks thou shouldst consider that if thou wantest him thou hast God If thou wantest thy meniall servants and attendants thou hast the guard of spiritual powers The Dominions and Principalities of Heaven are thy Ministers If thou sayest thy children want a Father that cannot be seeing God is the Father to the Fatherless If thou fearest they shall want necessaries tell thy self who gave them to thee and whether the life be not more than meat and the body than rayment Or if thou fearest they shall not be so well provided for as otherwise they might have been how many could I tell thee of that have been bred by Widdows and proved famous And on the other side how many that have had Fathers and been good for nothing Put the fear of God in their hearts and this will preserve them more than a Father When the guard is set within they will less need one without This will be better than riches and glory and promotion to them this will make them famous both upon Earth and in Heaven Do not set thine Eyes then on the youth who by reason of his Fathers greatness is girded with a Golden Belt and rides on a Prancing Horse and is taken into Kings Courts and hath many Tutors and Governours following him at the heels But cast thine eye above open the gate of Heaven by thy thoughts look into that Stately Pallace behold the King of glory there sitting on his Throne and if He whom thou admirest on Earth can be sooner admitted thither than thy child fetch a great sigh fill the Heavens with noise and clamour I do not forbid thy lamentations But seeing neither riches nor birth nor any thing else is there preferr'd but only Vertue and goodness judge what reason thou hast to be content and think how certain it is that nothing can make us dismally sad 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 if we will not be fools but Philosophers And for thy self if thou complainest of being desolate and solitary remember what the Apostle saith 1. Tim. 5. 5. that such an one Trusteth in God This is onely an opportunity to enjoy more of the chiefest Good Thou hast more time and liberty to please God now that thou hast none else to please Thou art freed from all other bonds to be tyed faster to him There are no chains no restraints upon thee to keep thee from doing what thou wouldst Thou art separated from one Husband to be united to a better Thou hast not the fellow servant but thou hast the Master Thou hast not thy Husband to talk with thee but God is thy Husband When thou prayest dost not Thou talk with God When thou readest doth not God talk with thee And what doth he say to thee Words more desirable more sweet than can drop from any Husbands lips If he speak never so kindly the matter is not great for he is but a fellow servant When the Lord himself will be pleased to embrace and speak lovingly to his hand-maid 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 This is a strange piece of service And observe I beseech you how he serves and waits upon us Hear in what words be bespeaks our affections Come unto me all you that are weary and heavy laden and you shall find rest to your Souls And again by the Prophet he cryes Can a woman forget her sucking child that she should not have compassion on the Son of her Womb Yea she may forget yet I will not forget thee What charms are there in these words And what can have more of Honey in them than those expressions in the Song of Songs My Love my Dove my fair one my Paradice c. And yet this is the language of God to men If we will not rest satissted in so tender a kindness there is no Remedy but we must be miserable To this purpose writes that excellent Person with an Elegance which though I could not imitate yet I could not but follow till I have run beyond the bounds within which I intended to confine this discourse And yet the minds of such persons as I am now treating withall is many times so clouded by their sorrow that it will be charity to try all other means to brighten and clear them I shall recommend therefore to them before I take leave of this Argument the advice of a great man in a neighbouring Country not many years ago * Mouns du Vair sent to a Lady oppressed with an obstinate grief for the loss of a dear Husband His words are to this sense Come to your self again Madam and think what you are a doing You drive away and estrange from you that very thing which you love above all the world and may enjoy continually if you please For where I pray you do you think that is which you so much cherished and loved You will Answer me in Heaven And so it is I make no question full of Joy and content among the blessed But withall you believe that things above are so separated from us that they can be no more re-joined to us as long as we live Oh how much are you deceived God himself who is the highest and furthest from our Natures is continually in us to give us unspeakable joy from his presence if our souls be fit to harbour and entertain him The holy Angells are continually about us if we take
ought to do when we think we suffer ill Is God more unkind to us than to any of our neighbours Do not we see that many of our neighbours children are dead as well as ours Many of them have lost four or five and we have lost but one Nay many of them never had any and yet they do not therefore mourn and besmear their faces with tears and break their hearts with sighs Our case is the very same now that we have none but only that it is a little better because we had once some And how thankfull should we be that we had them so long if it be desirable to have them at all But then we may say further to our selves How many of them have lost their friends in the late Wars How many hath the sword made Widdows and the blood of how many of their children hath it drunk Ours were taken away by the hand of God but theirs were taken away by the hands of men Our friends dyed in their beds and theirs dyed in the field Ours went and theirs were driven out of the world Come let us go comfort our neighbours that have lost more than we for they stand more in need of comfort If they stand in need of none then no more do we It was very handsomely discoursed by Socrates as Plutarch relates That if we could all agree to put all the troubles and calamities of men into one heap De Consol ad Apollon on this condition that after every man had brought his and thrown them there then they should all come again and take every man an equall portion of them there would be a great many that now complain who would rather take up what they brought and go their ways contented with them And so Antimachus an Ancient Poet when his Wife dyed whom he loved exceedingly he went and writ a Poem bearing her name wherein he reckoned up all the calamities that he could remember had befaln any in the world By this means he did deter himself from grief for how can one suffer the miseries which others endure if he cannot bear this light one of his own It is better with us than with those of former times Fifthly Let us compare our selves with the Ancient Christians Their children were snatcht out of their arms by the hands of Tyrants They see their brains dasht out against the stones their friends were buried in fires or banished into strange places and they had no comforters left but God and themselves and their chiefest comfort was that they must shortly die the same death But notwithstanding all this and much more they did not take it heavily but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as Photius speaks They bare it all thankfully Epist 234. and blessed God who could tell how to govern the world beyond all the thoughts of men Let not us who suffer but common things weep with an extraordinary sorrow when they who suffered most unnaturall deaths did bear it with more than naturall courage They might have been allowed to have wept blood rather than we to shed tears And yet they rejoyced as if their friends had been offered in Sacrifice to God and we weep as if they had been put to some shamefull torments for their crimes Shall we mourn more for the death of a friend than they for a butchery What arguments had they to comfort them which we have not What Scripture had they before their eyes to stay their tears which we read not If either of us have more to comfort us than the other it is we for we have their most excellent example And when I think of the Mother of the seven Brethren mentioned in the Maccabees Mac. 2.7 she calls my thoughts back a little further than the times of Christ Did she wring her hands when she saw the skin of her son flead off from his head Did she cast any tears into the fire wherein another of them was fryed No she speaks as chearfully as if they were not stripping them of their skins but cloathing them with a royall robe She looks upon them not as if they lay upon a pan of coals but in a bridal bed She exhorted them being filled with a couragious spirit saying V. 21 22. I cannot tell how you came into my Womb for I neither gave you breath nor life neither was it I that formed the members of every one of you But doubtless the Creator of the world who formed the generation of man and found out the beginning of all things will also of his own mercy give you breath and life again as you now regard not your own selves for his sake This marvellous woman as she is called v. 20. knew very well that she did not give them life and therefore why should she take so heavily their death She considered they were none of hers and why should not the owner take them She knew that she did not lose them but only restore them That life sometimes is not worth the having That unless God will have us live no wise man would desire to live That none gives any thing unto God though it be his own but he gives them something better And therefore she said Die my sons for that 's the way to live What poorness of spirit then is it that we cannot see a soul put off her cloaths without so much ado That a Jewish woman could see seven souls torn out of their body with more courage than a Christian man can see one soul quietly depart and leave its lodging I would wish every one to save his tears till some other time when he may have some greater occasion for them If he will weep much let it be when he sees the bodies of his children or friends so mangled as theirs were But if he would not weep out his eyes then let him weep soberly and not as if he were drunk with sorrow now SECT VII Several reasons are given against immoderate sorrow which are comprised in 14. Questions which we should make to our selves The reason and spirit of them you may see in the Margin at the beginning of every particular IV. We must think with what reason we weep AFter we have taken this course with our selves we shall be the more prepared to hearken unto reason And let us proceed from making comparisons to ask our selves some Questions and stay till they give a good answer Let us know of our selves why we are so sad and heavy Let us speak to our souls and say Tell me what is the matter What is the cause of all this grief Thou art a rational creature what reason hast thou for all this sorrow Thou art not to be pityed meerly for thy tears if thou canst cry without any cause Hideous things appear sometimes before us to affright us but they are the Chimera's of a childish imagination and not things really existent Let us bid fancy then to stand aside a while
and let reason speak what it is that so troubles us Children cry who cannot speak and we are not much troubled at it because they cry for they know not what Unless we therefore can tell why we weep no body will pity us because it is not weeping that we are to mind but the cause of mens weeping Let me then propose these questions to be answered some of which will discover that there is no cause of sad lamentations when our friends die And if there be no cause that the fountain of tears should run that is cause enough to stop it up 1. For whose sake dost thou weep For the sake of him that 's dead or for thy own No cause of mourning immoderately for their sakes who are dead Not for him that is dead sure for we suppose him to be happy Is it reasonable to say Ah me What shall I do I have lost a dear friend that shall eat and drink no more Alas He shall never hunger again never be sick again never be vexed and troubled and which is more he shall never die again Yet this is the frantick language of our tears if we weep for the sake of him that is gone Suppose thy friend should come to thee and shake thee by the hand and say My good friend why dost thou lament and afflict thy soul I am gone to the Paradise of God a sight most beautifull to be beheld and more rare to be enjoyed To that Paradise am I flown where there is nothing but joy and triumph nothing but friendship and endless Love There am I where the head of us all is and where we enjoy the light of his most blessed face I would not live if I might again no not for the Love of thee I have no such affection to thy society once most dear unto me that I would exchange my present company to hold commerce with thee But do thou rather come hither as soon as thou canst And bid thy friends that they mourn not for thee when thou dyest unless they would wish thee to be miserable again If we should have such a short converse with one of our acquaintance what should we think what should we say Should we fall a mourning and crying again Would it open a new sluce for our tears to flow out Would we pray him to go to Heaven no more but stay with us Would we entreat him to beg of God that he might come and comfort us If not then let us be well content unless we can give a better reason for our immoderate tears than our love to him Holcoth reports of a learned man Ia 4. Sap. v. 7. that was found dead in his Study with a Book before him A friend of his was exceedingly amazed at this fight when he first came into the room But when he looked a little further he found his fore-finger pointing at this place in the book of Wisdom c. 4. v. 7. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Though the just be prevented with death yet shall he be in rest And when he observed this he was as much comforted as he was before dejected We have no reason to lament them who are made immortall and that live with God If we respect them only we should carry them forth as the Aegyptians did the great Prophet of Isis when he dyed not with howlings and sorrow Heliod l. 7. Aethiop but with hymns and joy as being made an heir 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 with our Betters and gone to possess most glorious things The truth of it is if it were rationall Love to him that expresseth these tears then we should not begin them so soon nor make such a noise and cry when men are a dying For the sad countenances and the miserable lamentations wherewith we encompass sick mens beds make death seem more frightfull to them than it is in it self What misery am I falling into may a man think that causes them to make such a moan What is this death that makes even them look so ghastly who are not like to die What a mischief is it to leave so many sad hearts behind me and to go my self it should seem by them to some sad and dismall place also I tell you a dying man had need have a double courage to look both death and them in the faces or else their indiscreet shriekes and lamentations will make a poor soul fall into such dark and cloudy thoughts Men are fain therefore to say that it is indeed Love to themselves that forces them thus to bemoan the death of their friends Nor for our own sakes that are alive But what are you that cannot be contented one should be made much better by making of you a little worse Is this the great Love you pretend to your friend that you are extreamly sorry he is gone to Heaven are you a friend that look more at your own small benefit than at his great gain was he not much beholden to you for your love that would have had him lived till you were dead that he might have been as miserable in mourning for you as you think now your selves to be But what is it I beseech you that you thus bemoan your selves for Because that you are now miserable No it seems that you are not miserable enough and that makes you weep so much If you had some greater trouble befaln you that would put the lesser out of your mind If you were sick or in pains or had lost all your goods these things could take your mind off from this loss Why then cannot the enjoyment of your health and case and plenty do as much for you 2. Sam. 19.7 When Joab did but threaten David that they all would leave him unless he would be comforted then he could wipe his face and appear in publick as a man well pleased Fear of losing his Kingdom put away the grief for the loss of his son And therefore let us not speak of our being forlorn and miserable by this loss for at last we find it is not so But how doth it appear that meer self-love is the original of these tears Suppose this person to have been at so wide a distance from us for a year or two that no tideings of him could come to us Did we weep and lament all that while because he was not with us Did not the thoughts that he lived and hopes to see him again comfort us And yet was he not then in a manner dead when we neither saw nor felt nor heard from him What help did we receive from him at that distance or wherein did he pleasure us If we did not account our selyes so miserable all that time as to spend it in tears we ought not to do it now We are now as we were then in all things the very same save only in the knowledge that he is dead But was he not dead as I said to us before Was he not
thing no longer and not to rejoyce that he gave us that which is so desirable at all Cease your tears I beseech you unless you will shew that you deserved to have wept a little sooner Either say that he was not worth the having and then you need not weep at all or else give God the thanks that you had a person so worthy and that will stay your immoderate weeping Nay will some passionate person say but this will rather augment our grief when we think that he was so much worth unto us and yet is gone But that is our fault if we will think more and oftner that he is not than that he was How can any body help you if you will needs look more upon his departure than upon his stay Seeing there is more reason that you should please your self in what is past it is to be supposed that your thoughts will be more upon it and if they be you cannot be sad But if they be not then you are not to be cured by reason but by something else When you are apt to fetch a sigh and say Oh my dear friend is gone Call it in again and say Thanks be to God that I had such an one to lose Who would not be willing to spend some tears after so much joy But then the remembrance of the joy will command that the tears do not overflow It is an excellent saying of Seneca Habui illos tanquam amissurus amisi tanquam babeam Epist 63. I ever think of my friends with joy For I had them as if I should lose them and I have lost them as if I had them If we could but think of them as dying while they are alive then we should more easily think of them as alive when they are dead If we could be willing to part with them when we have them we should think that we have them when we have parted with them And the truth is we cannot please our selves long in the remembrance of them unless it be accompanied with some joy I do not advise you to forget your friends and put them out of mind but to remember them and keep them in your thoughts But how short a remembrance saith the same Seneca must that be which is alwaies joyned with grief and sorrow If we would remember one alwaies we must remember him with pleasure For no man will return willingly to that which he cannot think of without his torment And if there be any little grief intermixed with our thoughts yet that grief hath its pleasure As the sharpness of old Wine doth make it more acceptable to mens palates and as Apples are more gratefull for their sowre sweetness so Attalus was wont to say That the remembrance of our friends is the more pleasant for that little sorrow that is mingled with it And we have many more remaining IV. Ask your selves again Why so many mourn for one Could that one have mourned more for you all than every one of you do for him If you will weep weep only your part and do not weep as if there was none else to weep but your selves If a man that was not acquainted with the world should see ten or twenty or perhaps a greater number sitting in a room and miserably bemoaning of themselves would he not ask what Town was burnt or what Family was dead that caused so many mourners How much then would he be astonished when he heard the Answer that you had lost a friend a child or some one of your other relations What Are there so many tears due would he think from every man of these upon the score of one Creature only Must so many be ready to die because one hath taken his leave of them Can there be no comfort found among so many of you against the death of a single person Me thinks you should all of your together weep no more for the death of one than that one would have wept for you if you had been dead altogether Look therefore upon one another and say You are still left behind and I am left and here are twenty more of our friends alive how is it then that we are discontented as if we had not lost one amongst us all but every one of us had lost one If there had been but one of us left what could he have done more than what every one of us doth Could he shed more tears for the loss of us all or make himself more sad than we now are Either let us say that one and ten are equall or let us not shed as many tears for one as we would for ten much less ten times as many tears as there would be for that number For but one would weep for ten and here are ten that weep for one Divide your grief then and let every one bear a part but not the whole for that is as if you had none to bear it with you Or if we have not God is still ours who rules the world and not we V. Ask thy self Who is it that governs the world Is it the will of God or thy will that thou prayest may be done Shall not he that made a thing have leave to dipose of it as he thinks good By what Law is it that he shall not do what he pleases with his own Must we have our wills in all things and must not he have his will also Must not he be pleased as well as we If we think it so reasonable to have what we will then it is more reasonable that he should have what pleases him Now if our will and his will cannot stand together which shall bend and submit themselves to the other Is not his will most wise If he had considered better would he have done otherwise Could we have told him what would be most fit for us If we had been of his Counsel should not this friend have been taken away Doth he will things because he will Perhaps there is no reason at all for our wills and we are in love with a thing we we know not why shall we think that he is so in like manner Or if we have any reasons are not his better We would have the life of a child that he may be a comfort unto us God will have us to part with him that he himself may be our only comfort We should chuse his life that he might enjoy the things that we have got But God thinks fit that he should die that we may put our estates to better uses whereby we are assured he may be more glorified Or perhaps we desire our children may live for Gods glory sake that they may honour and serve him in the World But cannot he tell what is best for his own glory Is he so careless of that as to take away the things without which he cannot be served Let us then cease our complaints unless we would have him to let us govern
the World But he was taken away will some say before his time else I should be content I shall answer this as Photius doth who accords with Basil the great Epist 234. before mentioned 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Let me hear no such word I beseech you a word too bold to be spoken and more bold to be thought Before the time do you say Then why was he not thought to come before the time when he came out of his mothers Womb There is no reason for it but this that it was the will and pleasure of God that he should be born at such a time And must God appoint the time of his birth and we set the time of his death Did the Workman give him a being in good time and take him to himself not knowing the fittest season From a drop he made him to become a lump of flesh He formed the flesh into parts he brought him into the light and he kept him in his infancy and childhood Was any of these out of due time Why then should it be out of season when he translated him to another life Let us do therefore as David did who prayed and wept as long as he could hope the decree of God was not absolute concerning his childs death but when he saw that it was irreversible he comforted himself Let us alway say as Job doth The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away and blessed be the Name of the Lord. And let this be further considered to the enforcing of this truth that if the will of the Lord must be born then it must be done And his will is that we should take all things patiently yea chearfully from his hands And therefore if we mourn immoderately what do we but only add sin unto our pain As there is a time to laugh so there is a time to weep But there is no more time to weep superfluously than there is to laugh idly and profusely Both in the one and in the other we must be wholly subject to the Will of God But that Will of God as I said is very wise in every thing and therefore he intends to turn our mourning into laughter and by every sad thing that doth befall us to make our hearts glad He alwaies gives something better than he takes away if we would but seek after it and ofttimes he takes one thing away that we may seek after the better But alas our blindness is so great that we value not that which brings us profit unless it be sweet to our taste We let our passion judge and not our reason and therefore we think there is no good in a bitter cup and no danger in a pleasant draught We lament and mourn when we ought to think our selves great gainers and we rejoyce and leap when perhaps a cross of the greatest burden hath befaln us Let us stay a while therefore and expect the end of things before we mourn too much And let us but desire to be cured rather than pleased to have our souls amended rather than our fancy humoured and we shall have great reason to thank God for every thing that comes to us And he rules it better than we could do VI. And this will lead me to another consideration concerning the Goodness of God in all that he doth Ask thy self therefore Doth not God do all things for our good Do we wish better to our selves than God doth Hath not He the greatest care of all his creatures to see that it be well with them Did he make them for any other end than that they might be happy Is there the least Sparrow as I said before that falls to the ground without our Fathers Providence Then Mankind must needs be under a greater love and none of them can die by chance but by his direction And above all other men He hath a singular care over the persons of good Christians the very hairs of whose heads are all numbred If not so much as an hair can drop off without Him much less can any body of them fall into their graves but He hath a hand in it But still He hath a more speciall Providence over such Christians as are Fatherless and Widdows helpless and destitute of all succour And therefore as it was his goodness that took their friends away so much more will his goodness take care of them whom he hath left none else to take care of He considers us not only as his children but as children placed in the midst of such and such circumstances as desolate and sad as left only to his Providence and tuition And therefore it is that the Psalmist saith Psa 10 14. Thou art the helper of the Fatherless And in another place A Father of the fatherless Psa 68.5 and a Judge of the widdow is God in his holy babitation Psa 69.23 I am poor and sorrowfull let thy salvation set me up on high Yea and all good men are full of compassion to such persons So that The blessing of those that are ready to perish come upon them Job 29 12 14. and they cause the widdows heart to sing for Joy It is an excellent saying of the Royal Philosopher Antoninus 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. Lib. 2. Sect. 11. worthy to be engraven upon our minds If there be a God then nothing can be hurtfull to us for he will not involve us in evil But if either there be none or he take no care of mens matters what shall I live for in a World that is without a God or without a Providence But there is a God and he cares for men also and hath put it into their power not to fall into those things which are truly evil And for the rest that befall us if any thing of them had been evil he would have provided that we should have been able not to have faln into that neither But if this great person had known also that God leaves us not alone to our own power when he sends any thing upon us but that he hath a peculiar love to his servants when they are in trouble and affords them his assistance He would have said on this sort If we be not alone without God then nothing need discomfort us for he is the God of all comfort If we be alone then we had need to be most discomforted for that and never endure in a condition without God But we are not alone and we are least alone when we are alone and have him most when we have other things least Therefore he hath put it into our power not to be troubled but to go to him for comfort in all that befalls us and if there were no comfort in him for us in such cases then they should not have befaln us Let us not therefore mourn as long as we have a God and as long as all things make us seek for our comfort in him VII Grief will
how didst thou deserve to have the friend which thou hast lost If thou art able or hast ever given any comfort unto others administer then the same cordials to thy self Why should not that satisfie thee which thou expectedst with so much reason should satisfie them What thou wouldst say to another if his friend was dead that say to thy self And if thou wouldst wonder that he should reject all comfort then do not make thy self a wonder Didst thou never tell any man that it is a shame to be impatient when we can cure our selves That they suffer nothing but what God and nature have appointed that we must all expect such losses that no body knows whose turn is next Take then thy own counsell and be not such a Physitian as cannot cure himself at all Is thy distemper different from theirs Are there not the same griefs and maladies in their minds Then the same medicine will cure thee that thou gavest them Or if it would not cure them then thou wast much too blame that didst not seek a better both for them and thee Or is thine some strange loss the like to which never any suffered Then this may comfort thee that thou shalt never suffer the like again For it would be more strange if a thing that never came before should twice fall upon one man It it be so strange to thee then thy courage will be as strange to others If thou art drawn into an example of sufferings then thou maist render thy self an example to all of patience and contentedness And so Seneca saith of the Brother of Drusus that though Drusus dyed in the midst of his embraces and with his kisses warm upon his mouth though he dyed in the very height of his fortune with the most war-like Nations dead at his feet yet he not only put a measure to his own grief but taught all the Army how to be moderate also And indeed he could not have stopt the tears of others unless he had been of so brave a spirit as first to stop his own If thou art a friend therefore unto any let them all learn of thee how to be well satisfied Comfort thy self as thou hast comforted others or else as thou dost intend to comfort them And let it be seen by thy worthy behaviour toward thy self that thou art worthy to be a friend to another person Death doth sometime befriend us XII Ask thy self again Whether friends only be mortal Do none die but they that love us Must not all our enemies and they that hate us die also Death then that makes thee sad may give thee comfort As it puts an end to some comforts so it is the common end of all miseries Though we may not wish for the death of any yet it is no harm to think that they must die who hate us and their rage shall not last for ever If nothing can cease their malignity yet death can It hath done us then no such wrong but what it can repay us with the same hand that did it Though we have now no friend yet shortly we may have no enemy neither This was one support to the Christians under their persecutions that though their enemies like Saul did breath out nothing but threatnings and slaughters against them yet their breath was but in their nostrils and might soon evaporate and vanish away Julian called the Apostate had done more hurt to the Christians than the ten Persecutions if death had not suddenly wounded him with one of his arrows The Marian flames had devoured in all likelyhood a great many more bodies if death had not shortned her reign and so extinguished the fires We have no reason then to look upon it as unkind which may do us so many courtesies not to accuse that of cruelty to us which destroys the cruelty of others towards us XIII And now may you not well make one question more to your selves Contentment hath more to say for it self than grief hath and say Is there not more reason to be comforted than there is to be sad If there be as certainly there is what should hinder your comfort if you live by reason If you do not live by it then nothing that a man can say will comfort you Nothing will chear us unless we think of it and make it our own by meditation neither will any thing sadden us unless we think of it also Seeing then they are our own thoughts that make us either sad or merry and we have more comfortable thoughts than heavy we cannot but be of good chear if we will not be enemies to our selves All that we can say for our sadness is that we have lost a friend a very dear and perhaps only friend But you have heard that there are more in the world and that you have not lost this and that you have more comforts remaining than are taken away and that if you had none but God you had enough and if you will read again what hath been said twenty other reasons will offer themselves to chear for one that arises to make you sad If there was no reason at all to be sad then none need spend any time in giving comfort But if they be very few in compare with others and we are made to follow the most and strongest reasons then he is not to be pityed who notwithstanding the small reason of his sorrow will not be of good comfort The greatest cause that I know of this sort of trouble is when many that we love die soon after one another So it hapned to that Prince which the L. Mountaigne speaks of who received the news of his Elder Brothers death L. 1. Essay cap. 2. whom he highly esteemed with a great deal of constancy and shortly after the tidings of his younger Brothers decease in whom he placed much hope did not alter the smoothness of his countenance But when one of his servants dyed not long after that he suffered himself to be so far transported that he quitted his former resolution and gave up himself to all grief and sorrow The reason of this was not from the love that he bare to his person more than the rest but as he well faith because being top full of sorrow before the next flood must needs break the banks or overflow all the bounds of patience In Dialog cui tit Guilielmus And so Hier. Cardan tells us that after he had partiently born many reproaches and the cruel infamous death of a son of great hopes and the dangerous sickness of another son and the death of his Parents and Wife with many other evils yea and after he wrote a Book of Consolation against all these evils yet he was overcome with grief at the death of an English youth whom he brought from Dover with him as he passed from Scotland in the time of Edward the sixth And he gives the sam reason for it that the other doth
when he is ignorant of himself There was a Fable among the Heathens which wise men understood to contain in it great Philosophy In the midst of this sad discourse it will please you perhaps if I relate it and it will please you a great deal more for to learn and live by it After Jupiter had made the world he thought that men would not be restrained from sin without rewards and punishments and so he made two great barrels the one full of good things the other full of bad to be sent down among men as there was occasion Pandora being very desirous to know what was in these barrels did one day broach them and all the good things flew out towards heaven and all the bad towards hell Hope only and Fear remained in the bottom of these Casks the former in that of Evil things and the latter in that of Good When this was done Jupiter threw down these empty Tubs to the earth and all mortals ran at the rareness of the sight to see what they could find in them Some looked into the one and some into the other and though both of them were empty yet they thought verily that the one was full of good and the other full of evil And ever since it came to pass that here below we have nothing but a fancy or conceit of Good mixed with fear and jealousie and a meer conceit of Evil with some hope in the compound of it The Morral of it is this That the things of this world are but empty Goods and inconsiderable Evils They are our own opinions that trouble us with the shadow of evil and that flatter us on the other side with a fair shew of Good All substantiall Good is in heaven and all dreadfull misery is in hell If we go to heaven we are well enough whatsoever we lose if we fall into sin and so into hell we cannot be well though we should enjoy all the world and while we stay here below there is no good thing we enjoy but is accompanied with fear and no evil we suffer but is attended with Hope And there is no hope like that which is laid up in Heaven of enjoying a bliss sincere and pure without any allay at all Let us turn our minds then toward these heavenly things which they did but dream of in the dark ages of the world Let us heartily believe the Gospel which hath brought to light eternal life And then we shall think our selves happy enough if we lose not those things and perhaps the death of our friends and such like crosses befall us that we may not lose them The Almighty Goodness draws our thoughts and affections by these means from transitory comforts and calls them up thither where we hope our Friends are arrived See saith he here is your Home here is your resting place here is the immortal Inheritance that never fades away If you love your selves mind the way hither and suffer nothing to turn you out of it Whatsoever cross befalls you take it up and carry it along with you Let it only spur you to make the more hast to Eternal joyes Where when we are once seated aloft amidst those glorious objects which then shall incompass us with what contempt as an ingenious Person * M. Malh to the Princess of Conty speaks shall we look down upon this Morsel of earth which men have divided into so many Kingdoms or upon this drop of water whereof so many Seas are composed How shall we smile to see men so busie about the necessities of a Body to which we no sooner give one thing but it asks another and so disquieted through a weakness of spirit which daily troubles them as to unwish that to day which the day before they wished for Enter if it be possible into these generous thoughts before hand Begin to speak of the World as you will do when you have forsaken it Acknowledge it to be a place where you must daily lose something till you have lost all And by these and the like Meditations let your soul assuredly conceive that having had its Original from Heaven it is one of the number of those which must one day return thither In the mean time when the daies of Mourning come and sorrow will not be denyed its place let me recommend this advice to every man As soon as it is possible II. Our tears should be kept for that which is the cause of death and all our tears Turn thy sorrow for thy friend into sorrow for thy sins Remember that thy tears may be due to some other thing and the cure of that will cure all thy other griefs If thou art not a Christian then it is thy duty to mourn neither for one thing nor other but only to bewail thy self Let the dead bury the dead as our Saviour said do thou presently follow after thy Lord with tears Take no care of funerals think of no earthly thing but only how thou mayest be a Christian And if thou art so then thou oughtest to rejoyce that thy sins are pardoned and that thou hast not the greatest cause of grief and this joy sure will swallow up all thy sorrows There is scarce any thing so considerable in our bodies that is seen as our tears for they are the most notable expressions of what is in our hearts The hands as Ant. Guevara observes do work the feet do walk the tongue speaks but it is the heart only that weeps The eyes are but the spunges of the heart through which its affections are drained and dried up An afflicted heart hath neither hands to labour nor feet to walk nor can it find a tongue to speak but tears are all that it hath to tell you what it wants And therefore we ought to reserve these for some greater thing than our dead friends which our heart ought much to be affected withall As our Saviour said to the women of Jerusalem when he was going to the most cruel sufferings so might our friends say to us when they are a dying Weep not for us but weep for your selves if you be dead while you are alive Mourn more than you do if you have not yet mourned for your sins and amended them But if you have then rejoyce in the favour of God and bless him for his Son Jesus who is better to thee than ten Sons or all thy friends which thou lamentest Are our sins dead as well as our friends have we buried them in the grave of our Lord are we risen again to an heavenly life Let us go then to God and pray to him and praise him and this will give us ease But if we be troubled for sin then sure we shall not add another sin by immoderate sorrow and forgetfulness of Gods goodness If it be sin we hate then bitter complaints and discontents must all be hated Would you indispose your self to pray to praise God and meditate in his
sacred Word Would you render your self unfit to receive the Sacrament of his most blessed body and blood If not then mourn but so much as will not hinder any of these and you have leave to mourn as much as you please Stop but here and there is no man will lay any restraints upon you But then how short your mourning must be you will soon guess and the Sun must not go down upon your grief no more than it must upon your wrath But if you take no great care whether you disturb your souls or no then you have most reason to mourn for that carelesness and neglect Go then and bewail your unkindness to God your unthankfulness for his mercies and unbelief of his Gospel for you can never take your hearts in a better time than when they are so sad and inclined to be sorrowfull Tell them that now they are very well disposed for a necessary business and bid them look if there be not something else to bewail that is more considerable Ask thy self hast thou not deserved this and ten times more Wilt thou add another sin when thou shouldst cease all sins Hast thou not been careless of seeking God Hast thou not foolishly wasted thy precious time And art thou not troubled at all for that Yea art thou now impatient as if God dealt hardly with thee And wilt thou spend more time badly when thou art taught by the death of thy dear friend how short it is It is most incongruous thus to bewail the death of a child or acquaintance when thou art like to die thy self both body and soul And when thou hast mourned for thy sins thou wilt be taught thereby how little thou oughtest to mourn for thy losses For even our tears for sin must not be immoderate and therefore much less must we dare to let them flow in abundance for our losses So you know the great Apostle commands the Corinthians to comfort him that had been guilty of a great sin and receive him again into the Church now that he repented left perhaps such an one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow 2 Cor. 2.7 I wish all those who are ready to destroy themselves with grief would seriously consider this that we may not over-load our hearts with grief for our sins themselves which are the causes of all other sorrows We cannot please the Devil better than by discontent He would fain oppress every good man with some passion or other let us take heed how we joyn with him against our selves If we have left his service that is enough to provoke him If we have bid defiance to his pleasures this doth incense him and we must expect that he will endeavour to overcome us with griefs The Devil is mad against all good men and therefore let all those who have irritated him against them beware how they now prove cowards and execute his vengeance for him with their own hands Let us take heed as Photius excellently expresseth it lest we be good at stirring up and provoking the envy and rage of our adversary but naught at resisting and overcoming him by patience and perseverance to the end 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 But if we must needs weep for the loss of something here let it be for the afflictions of the people of God Let us mourn to see the Church sit like a widdow in her black garments Let it pitty us to see the blood of Gods servants shed like water upon the ground If our own sins do not trouble us let us weep to see the wickedness of the world and let our eyes run down with tears to think that men do not keep Gods Law Some such channel we should cut for our tears and not let them spend themselves on this fashion about our own personal troubles This is a method both to stop our tears and likewise to make them useful to us while they run It is a way to ease us of our present grief and of all others also We shall exchange that sorrow that would have troubled us for a great deal of joy and comfort Whereas our worldly grief would have left the heart sad this will leave it light and merry III. The life of our Lord Jesus gives us the greatest comfort against death Believe throughly that the Lord Jesus lives and so thou maist both expect a resurrection from the dead and likewise hope for comfort from him when thou art left sad and desolate The body it self doth not die any more than corn doth which dies that it may live and spring up again with large gain and advantage Are we loth to throw the corn into the ground and do we not patiently expect till the harvest comes Why should we then bury our friends with so many tears seeing they are but laid in the Womb of their mother again that by the power of God they may have a better birth The Heathen could say much to comfort themselves but they knew not this comfort for indeed they were rather contented than comforted Those that did think themselves most wise and judged that they had the best supports did only dream that the soul make take another body and shift its place at several times But we know that there will be a time when even our scattered ashes will fly into one anothers embraces again and a new life will breath into our dust and make it stand upon its feet And then in the mean time if our condition be never so sad and we be left at alone why do we not solace our selves in the great compassion of our High Priest who hath a feeling of all our miseries which we endure Can we expect that ever he should love us more than when we are like unto him in sufferings We should be so far from being sad at what befalls us that we should think if our condition was a little worse we should be more dear unto him than now we are when nothing extraordinary is hapned to us No man can be alone as long as he lives who hath said I will not leave you comfortless like fatherless children I will come to you Did not he bid his Disciples to be well content when he himself dyed Did he not leave his peace with them and bid them that their hearts should not be troubled And what is the death of one of our friends to the departure of the best friend to the world that ever was from his little flock of friends Did not Christ know what he said when he was going to die Did he advise them not to be troubled when it was impossible that they should be otherwise And if they were not to be troubled then I am sure we have less reason to be troubled now both because we have a less loss to bewail and we have a stronger and more excellent comfort against our loss Our friends are as much below him as his state in the grave was beneath that to which
are none of our own no more than any thing in this world Let these two things then settle themselves in our minds which will lead us into the right way of fortifying our souls both against this and all other trouble First Never think that the things which thou wantest will cure thee for they will rather make the wound wider and inlarge thy wants The more we have the more we desire still to have and the way to think we have enough is not to desire to have too much It is very well observed by Plutarch 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that it seems to us as if our clothes did give us heat when as they are cold of themselves and in a great heat we shift our clothes to make us cool Just so do men think that the things without them will afford them content and that if they had a sumptuous house and had riches at command and were encompassed with servants and had their friends to bear them company they should live most sweetly and deliciously when as experience teaches us that we are still desirous of some change in one thing or other about us It is the heat of our own bodies that keeps us warm which our clothes do only contain and keep in that it may not fly abroad and disperse in the air and so is it the liveliness and strength of our own spirit that must make us live merrily and which gives all the pleasure and grace to these outward things which minister to our comfort They can only help to maintain and increase our delights but our delight must arise from a more certain cause within our selves Add one heap of riches to another build great houses invite to thy self friends and lovers unless thou dost free thy self from thy own desires unless thou dost put an end to thy fears and cares and such like things thou dost but like him that administers Wine to a man in a Feavour or Honey to a Cholerick person or meat to him that is troubled with the Collick which do not strengthen but destroy them The less we have the better it is unless we desire but a little And therefore it is of absolute necessity that we form to our selves such strong principles as will moderate our desires and make them reasonable But then let me tell you in the second place That a good Book and a Treatise of the Principles of Contentment may be without us as well as any thing else We think that we have good reasons of being quiet which will comfort us upon all occasions But where are they In our Book That is no more ours than our money that bought it unless the Book be in our heart We must labour to write these truths on our souls and turn them into the reason of our minds Things of faith we must make as if they were things of reason and things of reason we must make as sensible as if they beat continually upon our eyes and ears Let us colour and die our souls with these notions or else they will do us but little good If this Book lie by us and not in us it will be little better than wast Paper 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Arrian L 2. cap. 9. c. saith Epictetus For it is one thing to have Bread and Wine in a Cup-board and another thing to have them in our body When they are eaten and drunk they turn into flesh and blood and make us lusty and strong but when they lie by us we think indeed we have them but they afford us no nourishment or refreshment at all Even so it is in these things If we inwardly digest them and turn them as it were into the substance of our souls they will make us of a lively complexion but else we may be pale with fear and pine away with grief and it is not their fault but our own And as he that doth not eat when he should may have no stomack when he is weak but presently vomit up his food again So he that minds not these things till he be sick of his troubles and in great need of comfort will find his soul it is most likely very impatient of the remedy and it will be a trouble to him but to read that which will quiet him Thus I observe it was with a very great man a person indowed with an extraordinary measure of wisedom who rejected himself in a time of sorrow all those counsels that he had skilfully administred to others Julius Scaliger I mean who writing to a friend of his to comfor her in her Mourning * Epist 67. ad Marg. Vitelliam beseeches her to remember how far it is from common Prudence Not to lay down that grief for our own sake which we have taken up for the sake of another and that it is not the part of a sound judgement to accuse the fates as if they had done us wrong and to take a severe punishment for it upon our selves Consider also where is that person we Weep for If in Heaven what need is there of our howlings If in misery why do we add loss to loss evil to evil and because he is miserable against our will make our selves freely and willingly miserable But this above all things I would have you keep in mind that you have nothing which you have not received and therefore you owe thanks even now for what you had to him from whom you received it and ought not to reproach him for calling home his own For all the benefits bestow'd on Mortals are like all things here stand withering and cannot last for ever nay unsteady inconstant and never equal If therefore we enjoy any of them we must place it among our felicities that we were owners of it And when by the severe Laws of the Vniverse it is snatcht from us we must refresh our selves with the remembrance of it as if it were present and not vex and torment our selves because of its absence Many things like to these and perhaps better he saith he could suggest if he thought it needful And yet this very Counselour I observe when his turn came to weep was strangely overcome with sorrow for the death of a little son of his but a child of great hopes He cries out lamentably and bewailes himself without measure saying In illo vivebam in illo interii * Oratio in luctu Audesti si ii I lived in him and in him I dyed I know he is happy and therefore I do not bewail him in my self but my self in him by whose fall I am faln also I say I bewail my self who die a new kind of way and am killed by anothers death And then reckoning up the arguments whereby his friends studied to comfort him the very same wherewith he thought he could comfort others he despises them all as not worth a straw telling them that they expressed indeed a great deal of humanity to him but not much