time to begin the change When I ask young married people if they desire and intend to live together in Godly love and the fear of God they usually answer They hope so to do And surely it would be impudent folly and sin to dare to say otherwise But I think it is plain in too many that there is not really such an heart and hearty desire in them but that they regard little more than brutish satisfaction and carnal enjoyments Nay some behave themselves to each other as if they married only to be in a capacity to torment and vex one another to do the Devils work to hinder each others comforts both in soul and body I desire you would now put that forementioned question to your selves Do you desire and intend and will you endeavour to live together in Godly love and in the fear of God so as to be meet helps for each others good both in soul and body What answer can you think reasonable to that question Ay or No If you answer Ay and think fit that such answer should be taken should be taken for true and no lye that answer then gives judgment of your duty what you ought to do and if not brutish and sensless must engage you so to do The chief design of this Paper is to perswade and direct to begin the married life in the due fear of God so that you may continue in the same We call marriage a beginning of the world and we may make it if we use it aright the beginning of the Kingdom of Heaven The beginnings of Grace continued in will surely end in Glory Sect. I. Some Questions to Conscience in order to convince the Judgment and prepare the mind to receive the following Advices THat your Judgment may be setled aright to approve the best things and to chuse the most excellent way I shall offer several things to your consideration by way of Question and let Conscience give the answer 1. First I earnestly intreat you in the fear of God and as in his presenco to think seriously and ask conscience Whether an holy and heavenly love and life be not best to spend your days together in As having God to dwell with you to have a sense of his good providence over you and that your prayer may not be hinder'd but that you may ever have a grounded hope of his everlasting love 2. Whether Marriage thus ordered may not be esteemed as the greatest earthly comfort or on the other hand Whether an ill managed Wedlock is not the greatest cross of humane life 3. Whether God by his providence has not put it into the hands and power of married people to make themselves happy or miserable as to this world at least and in great measure also their souls in the world to come 4. Whether you come together as Christians or as Heathens and without a holy endeavour to live in godly love what do you more than Heathens 5. Whether there be any love as Christians if it be not with respect to the soul and whether that can be meet help for man or woman that does not help the soul 6. Whether Husband or Wise could take it well to hear the other say I love thy face and thy fortune thy beauty and estate thy body and flesh but for thy soul I care not if it be damn'd and go to the Devil Whether such words would be taken as charming expressions and signs of love 7. Whether an ungodly life and unholy practice be not as much as to say they care not for the souls of one another when they labour not to live together religiously and so to keep each others souls to God 8. What answer canst thou give to thy own conscience at death if thou hast not endeavoured to live a religious life whether married or single 9. Whether that mystical union between Christ and his Church his love in giving himself for it as Eph. 5.25 And also that relation between God and his people whom he has married unto himself Jer. 3.14 both which being represented in that mutual union in the married state do not intimate much of argument for true and spiritual love and to perswade you to labour to cleanse each others souls and to keep each other without spot and blameless as for the coming of the Lord Read these questions over again and ask one the other the Questions and perswade and engage one another to consider seriously of these things And if on serious consideration these questions being truly answered according to conscience in truth and soberness do so far convince your judgment and perswade as I hope they will that your hearts must at least secretly confess and say surely godly love and a godly life is best to love for the souls good is only true love Then confess and own it to one another and promise seriously so to live together as to help one anothers souls and to endeavour each others Salvations and then proceed to read the Advices following Sect. II. Containing Advices to new-marriea People with Arguments to perswade and Helps to perform them THe Advices I have to offer to begin the married state should be few lest the beginning be past before they be read Yet if the beginning be past they cannot be useless because they are always of use in the married state But in particular to new-married people especially if young they are such advices whereby they may lay a good foundation and build thereon solid comforts family comforts lasting Christian comforts Such as being continued and daily followed may render every day a day of comfort and good things and if good in the beginning cannot but be so in continuance and spiritual good being followed always increases to more abundance Adv. 1. First therefore I advise you to begin the married life in the fear of the Lord with holy resolutions so to live together I hope the former Questions have almost at least convinced you that it is your duty so to do Let therefore good resolutions follow your convictions Resolve that your first living together shall be as Christians indeed And let not Satan tempt you to delay lest you quite forget Resolve and endeavour that your first love may be as love in the Lord. To help and encourage you thus to resolve in the beginning remember these three things 1. Remember that the love of the flesh or as led by the flesh is not of God as in 1 Joh. 2.16 Appetite and desires of the flesh bring beasts together 2. Remember that kindness and good nature company and to be helpful to one another in outward things as of this life are what become men and women as being rational creatures and that these things may be found and doubtless are found amongst Heathens such as know not God in Christ Jesus 3. Remember that love in the Lord from a purified heart in earnest fervency and sincerity as 1 Pet. 1.22 with desire to do good
willing indeed to endeavour is certainly in your power especially at first when all circumstances make such endeavours more easy and hopeful in respect of success as I shewed before in the former part of the third Section Besides you have endeavoured in other things when there was as little likelyhood of prevailing and in cases to which you were as much strangers as you are in this so also may you endeavour now in this and how can you tell but you may prevail If you enquire what you may do to win each others love to the Lord and to perswade each other to walk in his ways call to mind what ways you took to gain the affection of each other for marriage the like method of intreating and entertaining followed with equal diligence and care in all probability will be succesful and may be as effectual in this matter as in the other 1. Remember what wayes you took to get acquaintance and to find opportunities of favourable acceptance So now be as watchful to procure opportunities to bring each other to God And when alone in secret seek to perswade to this And observe which is the fittest season to bring either to a promise 2. Remember how careful then you were to do nothing to displease one another but that you might still find the same favourable countenance So now much more labour that all your carriage may be so pleasing that all things on both parts may be so ordered that the duties of Religion may be delightful and not seem a burden 3. Then you could forbear many things which you knew were displeasing to each other so now also forbear all that may hinder each other in this good thing Let the man avoid all unnecessary spending of time abroad and let the woman avoid all negligence at home that all things may be in order for reading and prayer at the hour appointed 4. Then you could talk of love and almost nothing else and make great pretences at least now then talk as much and as often of the love of God and his love to Souls and of your love to the Souls of one another and talk of the Goodness of God and of his holy waies that thereby you may excite and inflame each other with love to God and goodness and what you could talk of without any help but natural inclinations now in this you may have the help of God his word his grace and holy Spirit 5. Then you could use arguments to win love and propose advantages enquire reasons of denial and answer their objections So may you now use arguments to win each other to the love of God shew each other the advantages of an holy and heavenly living together How it will strengthen natural affection end enable to bear all crosses and worldly troubles Ask what should hinder a resolution to joyn in so good so comfortable a design and answer what may be said against it with the Spirit of love and mildness 6. Then you would take no denial but ask again and again So may you now to win each other to the ways of God And be not wearied for this is well doing Continue to use the fittest opportunities till you have perswaded each other to be willing to embrace the ways of God to go to God together to go to heaven together Can you deny me this you may jnstly say this that is so much for our comfort both in sickness and in health and even in death it self I will never leave asking till I have obtained 7. Remember how then you could bear with patience all peevishness and mourn at refusal without anger so now wait in the Spirit of meekness endeavouring to win Could you then beg and wait and intreat acceptance and rejoyce if at last you obtained consent and agreement and cannot you do so now without some such endeavours as these where is the love you talked of where is that true love to thy partner and dear yoke-fellow Where is thy love to thy own Soul And where is thy love to thy dear Lord And especially if either find the other backward and yet lost in the flesh and either in words or actions discovering an enmity to a Godly life They had need mourn for their condition in secret and pray for them in secret but give not over as lost but wait and woo with patience and hope and prudence How knowest thou but at last it may prevail and that God may make thee the happy instrument of saving the Soul of thy Partner 1 Cor. 7.16 I shall now conclude with some few considerations to encourage to this duty or serious endeavours at least You are hereby in a probable way of reaping much comfortable fruit 1. Consider if this be attained to that both are willing and desirous and resolved thus to seek the Lord and to live in his way as in covenant with him how great the blessing of holy peace and comfort will be at present in this life God dwelling in such families where his Worship is set up and his holy way followed God promises to such and sayes I will walk among you and will be your God and ye shall be my people Lev. 26.11 12. And if you love indeed and seek the welfare of each others Souls this must needs yeild the pleasant fruit of mutual comfort in each other at present And without that all worldly advantages and seeming comforts will be but bitter troubles 2. Consider when you have won each other to this holy practice there is comfort in hope a well grounded hope of which you will be able to render a reason to any that may ask you 1 Pet. 3.15 Hereby in this present life you are laying a good foundation for an holy family if God hereafter shall increase you with Children and Servants you have chosen for them the best portion the most secure protection even the Almighty preserver And in some measure have done your duty answerable to your prayers in taking care that your Children may be Christianly vertuously brought up to Gods Glory and may justly expect such a prosperity that may not be a snare but that your Souls may prosper or a sanctified adversity for you and yours And then in the end of life and finishing your dayes on earth how great a comfort will it be to think that all shall meet in heaven pleasant and comfortable in this life And the more pleasant in this that in death you shall not be divided neither one from another nor either from God And then the comforts already tasted will be enlarged to the full Methinks this consideration singly it self is enough to quicken and perswade to endeavour that is the having a grounded hope of meeting together in the glories of heaven and joys of the blessed and of being instruments of bringing and establishing that good in a family which death cannot destroy 3. Consider it will be matter of comfort to those that do endeavour whether man
Christian purity Keep us henceforth in holy Spiritual love that we defile not the honourable marriage-bed by desires too sensual but that we may be instruments of each others chastity and purity both in Soul and Body Take from us all dullness of mind and backwardness to Religious duties and both teach and enable us so to order our worldly affairs that our minds and hearts may be alwayes free for thy service and worship Give us we beseech thee the Spirit of wisdom and of a sound mind that with all gravity and soberness we may govern and rule our selves and families in thy faith and fear and love as becomes those that are followers of the holy and blessed Jesus as taught by thy holy word Be pleased to make us both instruments of good to others especially to our kindred and neighbours to the comfort and releef of those that are in want to the instruction of the ignorant to the reproving and reforming the ungodly and to the good of all We pray thee also to make us diligent in our calling not â—lothful in business but as serving the Lord. And so bless our labours and honest endeavours in worldly things that we may have a competency for our selves and ours and to give to those that want And further O heavenly Father we humbly intreat thee to give us both thy Grace that with pure hearts we may fervently love one another and provoke one another to love and good works and watch over each other for the Souls good And deal faithfully with each other not suffering one one another in carlesness of our Souls or in any sin without due serious seasonable and compassionate warning in thy fear And good Lord give each of us such an heart that we may be willing to be warned of our sin and danger and desirous to be reformed And good Lord help us so to live together as abiding in Christ Jesus that which ever of us thou shalt please to call out of this world first may leave the comfort of a well grounded hope to the surviver that both at last shall meet in purer and undefiled love and joy in the inheritance of the promises together with the Spirits made perfect thro' the blood of the holy Jesus in thy heavenly eternal Kingdom For the sake and thro' the mediation of Jesus Christ our only Saviour and Redeemer Amen A prayer to be used in secret by the married man or woman in respect of each other O Most merciful Father and eternal God who hast appointed and sanctified the state of marriage by thy Command and word and by thy good providence hast now joyned me with a partner and companion for the married life Guide me I beseech thee by thy good Spirit that I may do my duty in this state of life to which it hath pleased thee to call me That I may not make the liberty thou givest me an occasion to the flesh nor thro' weakness turn thy permissions to sensuality Pardon I beseech thee all my infirmities and failings in that matter and help me that in all circumstances I may keep a conscience void of offence both towards thee my God and towards men That I may sincerely perform my duty towards thee and with a pure heart be fervently affectionate to my dear yoke-fellow That I may be a good guide and example to my family and in all quietness and sobriety patience and prudence a follower of those who have served thee with godliness and walked in thy Commandments blameless And guide I beseech thee my dear yoke-fellow and endue him or her with thy Grace and blessing both in Soul and Body O keep him or her I beseech thee from all temptations and all inclinations to evil Give him or her an heart to hear and obey thy holy word and keep him or her from all sickness and bodily dangers And so keep us both in thy fear and holy love to each other that we may receive good and religious counsel of each other and truly follow the same and watch for each others Souls good So that at the end of a chast and holy conversation in the Lord we may together enjoy the promised felicity of thy chosen in thy everlasting Kingdom thro' our dear and only Redeemer the Lord Jesus Christ Amen A prayer to be used by the woman when conceived with child O Merciful God and heavenly Father who hast made all things and preservest all things and hast appointed marriage as the way of continuing the generation of mankind I desire to be thankful that thou hast called me to the holy state of marriage and in that state hast given me the blessing of the marriage bed even strength to conceive with Child The fruit of the Womb is a blessing from thee O God alone which all the treasures on earth cannot purchase And now O Lord I beseech thee continue thy blessing giving me strength both to bear and bring forth let the sickness and illness attending conception bring me more seriously to consider of the sin of our first parents how the woman was in the transgression and thereby my sorrows multiplied that I may be truly humbled for my natural corruption which Lord in thy mercy pardon and cleanse me from thro' the blood of Jesus Christ and give me comfort in that gracious promise of the Seed of the Woman that should break the Serpents head Lord I humbly beg that the expectation of pains and sorrow in travel and bringing forth may bring me to more serious thoughts of my Soul and my duty and may quicken me to repentance and stir up my heart to lay faster hold on Christ Jesus by a lively faith that all my sins may be forgiven and that I may be more watchful to all Christian duties of my place and that I may wait with patience the appointed time and be prepared for life or death as thou shalt be pleased to appoint And that I may be saved in childbearing Lord strengthen me with thy grace and keep me by thy power that I may continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety And when the time appointed for delivery shall come help me patiently to bear the pangs and thro's and sorrows And let them be sactified to the humbling of my Soul and bring me thro' all I beseech thee by thy power and goodness And give me a living child with all its parts limbs and sences in due order And grant me in due time a safe recovery of former strength that I may no more remember the anguish for joy that a man is born into the world to become a member of Christs Church that I may be glad in the Lord who is pleased to make me a chanel of blessings to my husband and family Or if thou seest fit to finish my life by this danger in child bearing be pleased to receive me to life eternal in thy heavenly Kingdom But if it be thy blessed will I desire humbly to live