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A62954 Topsie-turvy, hey-down-derry, or, The colledge of fools display'd and their capps tost at tennis in a jovial discourse, betwixt Merry Andrew and Poor Robin : in which, with other varieties : Merry Andrew to the life discovers the several humours, tricks and devices with which some folk use to delight themselves. 1672 (1672) Wing T1908A; ESTC R7740 14,776 18

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hear of greater things Melancholy Men are the soonest exhaust with study their thin cold bloods have scarce any Spirits lest the Doctors may give them Physick to no other purpose than to Kill them whereas t is want of Mirth that they perish for which I and those of my Profession can fill their Minds with they shall have fine Toyes Crotchets Fancies and Jollities in their Heads and those too without any trouble and for little or no cost their Spirits shall be revived and made spritely as it were with delicious Wine that drives away care and raises a pleasant flavour after it thus you see Robin we leave the Doctors so many miles behind us save the Lives of those that their Physick would only murther and if so questionless that Profession may plead it self to be Lawful that is so great a maintainer and preserver of Life And now tell me Robin thou wise Fool with how many trouble some cares this Life is perplexed with Duns Ale house Scores c. and then thou wilt be sensible from how many Evils I deliver my Fools who are merry play sing dance and laugh themselves out of breath at me living and sustaining themselves wheresoever they come upon the scraps of my Mirth and Jovial Wit as the Gods have bestowed me on them to refresh the pensiveness of their Lives Dixi I have said P. R. In troth Merry Andrew you have ranged successively though very far in the Classis of Folly which is so large and universal that I must confess as you hinted by the bye that I scarce know any one in all mankind that is wise at all hours or hath not some tang or other of madness with this difference only that if one mistake a Woman for a Weather-cock that he be ipso facto pronounced Mad. Now if your Wit will permit you distinguish what difference you make betwixt the Prerogative of Wise-men and Fools M. A. I shall immediately resolve you I 'le instance it to you in one that hath spent his Youth in Learning the Sciences and lost the sweetest part of his Life in Watchings Cares Studies and for the remaining part of it never so much as tasted the least Pleasure ever sparing sad sowre unjust rigorous and troublesome to himself hateful to others broken with Paleness Leanness Crasiness sore Eyes and old Age and Death contracted before his time though yet what matters it when he dies that never lived And such is the Picture of this great Wise Man and what is this but Folly or the next degree to Madness Robin if you 'l give me leave I 'le put him into our Colledge P. R. I shall not yet give my Consent proceed M. A. I thus march on Wise-men have so little to do unless it be with Poverty Hunger and Chimney corners that they live such deglected unknown hated Lives that they are taken very little Notice of whereas the Fools pockets chink with Money and flourish every where The greatest wisdome is to know when and where to counterfeit the Fool and it is a pleasant thing to counterfeit the Fool in the right season Again take notice of this Blessing that Nature hath bestowed on Fools that they are the only plain honest men A Fool walking by the way being a Fool himself supposes all to be Fools like him so that he will speak truth and the same thing which if it came out of a Wise man's mouth might prove a Capital Crime spoken by him is received with delight For Truth carries with it a certain peculiar way of pleasing and for such a kind of Reason it is that Women are so much delighted with such kind of Men as being more propense by nature to Pleasure and Toyes and whatsoever they happen to do with them although it be none of the most seriousest or modest action of their Lives yet they know how to turn it to a Jest or Laughter as that Sex is quick-witted and especially to colour their own faults P. R. Indeed Merry Andrew I alwayes took you for a Womans Man but as I told you before for no Fool though I question not but you may be as well furnished as any of them M. A. Hang your self for one of Erra Pater's disinherited Bastards But to proceed How happy are Fools who when they pass over this Life with a great deal of pleasantness and without so much as the fear or sense of Death they go straight forth into the Elysian Fields to recreate their careless Souls with such sports as they used here P. R. But prithee Andrew tell me how thou camest by this knack of pleasing the People M. A. Easily the great Beast the People are led away with Fabulous inventions and Fopperies they are naturally inclined to please themselves and as they have the Mint I have the Stamp There are those amongst them that will laugh though at the death of their Father and not without reason for then they begin to live by having gotten an Estate without which Life is but a kind of Death I am almost out of breath let it suffice that some people are taken with a foolish self-self-love with which every one for the most part flatters himself It is just as if a man were eating of rotten Stock-fish if he likes it as well as Sturgeon and as if a man had a crooked ill-favoured Wife if in his Eye she stands in competition with Venus is she not the same to him as if she were truly beautiful why they admire me they know a reason for it best themselves I use my best endeavour to please them like the Camelean I change to every Colour alter my Shapes vary my Postures change my Countenance condescend to their Humours and tickle their Spleens with a continued Laughter Faith if they hissed at me I know my own deserts and am resolved to applaud my self and not a Figgs end to value their displeasures which are often won with an Apple and as often lost with a Nut. P. R. Merry Andrew by what you have expressed may easily be discerned what a dearth there is of Wise-men if such are to be found and though the Greeks tell us of Seven yet so help me Hercules to drink off this full Pot to thee as I 'le be hanged if they were examined narrowly if there were to be found one half-witted fellow or so much as a quarter of a wise Man amongst them all but only such as are fit having taken their Degrees to be turned into your Colledge of Fools or mad men and since as you have said you have run your self out of breath with this Discourse pledge me and I 'le take up the Cudgels for you a short time as I am so much of your side for what I have already heard from you as to be convinced by your Arguments I 'le instance what I do intend to express if you please now and then to reply to me in a few particulars Tell me I beseech you what man