is exceeding sorrowful unto death Mat. 26.38 39. and once again and a third time to pray Father if it be possible let this cup pass from me Shall I exspect to be exempt from Shall I be afraid or ashamed to express the passions which were existent in all Gods Saints and from which my Lord and Master himself was not freed I am a Christian but yet a man I am a Minister but yet a man if I dye as I now fear I dye innocently Lord thou knowest I dye for righteousness sake I shall be a Martyr though of the lowest orbe this may mitigate dread but it maketh no change in me or in death yet terrors attend it and passions abide in me The most resolved Paul was so far from being ashamed 2 Cor. 1.8 9. that he was desirous the Church should know he was pressed above measure when he despaired of life and received in himself the sentence of death and 5.4 the most desirous to be cloathed with their House from Heaven could never yet desire to be uncloathed of their earthly Tabernacle nature can be much more content to be changed then to dye Death draweth me out of the bosome of the Wife of my delight divideth me from my Children the glory of my youth driveth me from my Kindred Acquaintance Friends and all humane society Can I part from these with dry eyes can men think I bear to these a natural affection and expect I should bid adiew to them not affected with natural passion doth nature and religion direct me to love them and will they not allow me to grieve when I leave them Death doth discapacitate me for the service of my God and his Church the grave cannot praise him Death cannot celebrate him They who go down into the pit cannot hope for his truth will not Christianity true Piety teach me with dread to discern this estate am I perswaded my life is more profitable for the Church can I then avoid St. Pauls strait Phil. 1 21 22 23 24. and be easily resolved what to choose though to me it is more profitable that I dye Death doth destroy my being when I am dead I am not can dissolution choose but dictate dread to sensible much more to rational beings Death is the wages of sin the witness of Gods wrath and the curse of the Law and by its circumstances made such with an emphasis can then a man of Religion receive the same without reluctancy and great remorse Death is the inlet of mine immortal soul into the Ocean of eternity can I apprehend it without amazement and great astonishment Let malefactours outface out-dare this King of dread and obtain to themselves the name and honour of Martyrs by their only abandoning the fear of death I dare not imitate I must not justifie I cannot I will not follow them these fig-leaves will not hide their sin from the face of God My soul keep thy passions within bounds then fear not to give them vent and to express the same before God and Men impossibile est hominem exuere Christianity doth not require thee to turn stoick and cease to be a man Let the fear of Gods casting thee into hell have the preheminence then cease not to fear mens killing thy body sell not thy self to save a natural life and then spare nothing to redeem the same from death by the exception of this one thing thy self make the Devil a liar as did Job and then be not troubled to set thy seal to a truth spoken by the father of lies viz. that all that a man hath he would give for his life Let not the dread of death transport thee to accept deliverance on terms of sinning against God then be not afraid or ashamed to let men observe thee subjected thereunto mourn not as without hope then spare not to mourn that thou must part from them whose duty it is to mourn over thy grave I bless God I see in nature much in Scripture more abundant reason to make me willing none to make me desirous to dye I look for those things and that estate which I will not exchange for my natural life but I could be glad to enjoy my life and them The cup of death is bitter my stomach riseth at and against it I cannot but pray Oh my Father If it be possible let this cup pass from me If it be possible let this cup pass from me Good Father Let this cup pass from me yet I hope I shall never want grace to subjoyn not my will but thy will be done not my will but thy will be done not my will but thy will be done whilst Death is Death and I a Man I cannot but dread it I cannot desire it I will therefore endeavour to defend my soul against the dread thereof and check my passions by contemplating what may make me content to undergo and cheerfully to stoop unto what I cannot I dare not desire any more then I can avoid or dare decline it when directed by a righteous yea a gracious God to arrest me my soul silence support thy self considering SECT I. DEath is of all things most certain Death is most certain most sure to overtake me to befall me dust I am and to dust I must return my life may be a while prolonged but nothing is more certain then that death will ere long put an end unto it man that is born of a woman is but of few days My natural constitution is corruptible In mans natural constitution not onely obnoxious to the assaults of violence from without but also subject to innate corruption principles destructive to it self my body is at best but an earthly Tabernacle always out of repair and ready to fall patched up by daily bread which will not be able to sustain its being when the grinders begin to fail the Keepers of this my house do already tremble my strong men begin to bow many diseases now grow upon me these are the Harbingers of mine approaching death I do already bear in my back the stone which will ere long most crrtainly batter in peices the earthen vessel of my body this Pitcher may a little while go to the Well but it will at length come broken home The contrary elements and qualities whereof my body is compounded and by which it doth now subsist do conclude the certainty of my death heat and cold moysture and draught are enemies each to other by their opposition my being is upheld and yet the militation of these in me tend to the annihilation of me The hand of violence may indeed hasten on me that estate which nature will most certainly most speedily effect the Plumb which is not plucked will fall the Grass which is not cut will wither the stoutest Oak of longest growth will at last come to dust if it be not consumed to ashes my strength is not the strength of stones nor is my flesh â—rass I am
which have all my days stung my soul and battered my body My soul take courage unto this last encounter herein my willingness to dye is the victory my fall is the fullest conquest that I ever did or can make be herein the more couragious considering Death is though an enemy yet a conquered and disarmed enemy Christ that Captain of my salvation hath tryed the strength of death and subdued it he by dying did overcome death and him who had the power of death viz. the Devil herein Satan was out shot in his own Bow and caught in his own snare what gained the Philistines by bringing forth Sampson to make them sport and to be insulted over in the house of Dagon but their own destruction the very same hath death and the Devil gotten by bringing the Lord of life to dye on the Cross and to the Grave which could not hold him these by getting have lost the victory O blessed Paradox by this my faith and my soul can out-face out-brave death whilst my nature and my body doth dread the assaults and stroak thereof Death struck the Lord of life with its sting and lost its sting by striking him and in him all that are his do ever since insult over death with an O death 1 Cor. 15.55 where is thy sting O grave where is thy victory Since this foil death is befooled of its conquest over them whom it most insultingly strikes with success and cutteth down with power for it prevailing looseth its design The design of Death is to seal man under indelible guilt to set him under the curse of the Law and at everlasting distance from the Lord vers 56.58 The sting of Death is Sin the strength of Sin is the Law but thanks be unto God who hath given us the victory through Jesus Christ our Lord for hereby death doth to all that are in Christ Jesus effect what is directly contrary to its design it dischargeth that guilt under which they greived all their days and releaseth them from those curses of the Law by which they were chastened in this life and it transmitteth their souls unto the immediate and eternal enjoyment of God and Christ and although it holdeth the body for some time yet it divideth it not from Christ to whom it is inseperably united and by whom it shall be raised up to be reunited to the soul and perfectly possess God for ever My Soul why art thou afraid of a Bee which hath lost its sting why dost thou dread an enemy vanquished to thy hand and sprawling at thy feet Hath David kill'd Goliah and shall not trembling affrighted Israel up and pursue the Philistines hath the Lord Christ gotten and given me the victory over death by discharging thy guilt and bearing the punishment thereof in his own body unto the satisfaction of the Law and wilt thou fear to encounter the fiercest assaults thereof What shall a conquered enemy disanimate the Conqueror My Soul in the world thou hast tribulation in death thou hast terror but be of good comfort thou art now engaged in the last encounter with both and the Lord Jesus hath overcome the world and conquered death Triumph in death for thou shalt by dying be made triumphant over Death the World and the Devil Thy warfare is now accomplished let me now in my last act play the man and shew the valour of my Faith and Patience unto the due restraint of my now provoked fear and passions Then this shall be the matter of mine eternal happiness and honour that I have warred a good warfare I have fought a good fight I have kept the Faith SECT V. DEath is a curse The cursed nature of death is changed the punishment of mans sin the expression of Gods wrath and the execution of the Law and dreadful sentence pronounced against man It is so in its nature and of it self But it is not such to all that are thereto subjected the voyce from heaven hath proclaimed them Blessed Rev. 14.13 who dye in the Lord and hath rendred two reasons of the blessed state of their death First they rest from their labour they then reap no punishment Heb. 4.10 but are indeed blessed for he that is entred into his rest ceaseth from his own works of sin and sorrow as God ceased from his Secondly Their works follow them unto their acceptance with and recompence from the Lord. The nature of death is changed to such who are in Christ Death to Christs friends is a sleep and to such who die for Christ the friends of Christ do not dye but sleep Job 7.21 I account sleep a special blessing of God for the refreshment of nature my sleep is the image the similitude of death Death is the truest the onely sleep of a true Beleiver when I sleep I am as dead and when I dye I shall but sleep I shall indeed sleep longer in my grave then in my bed but I am sure I shall sleep more quietly without affrighting fancies or disturbing dreams and I shall at length awake and arise when my weary day is ended how willing am I to lye down and sleep My Soul art thou not willing thy weary body should have rest to dye is to a Saint no more then to undress and go to bed to lie down and sleep Joh. 11.11 Let what will become of Dives our friend Lazarus sleepeth The righteous when they dye are taken from evil to come Isa 57.1 2 and 26.20 death is their defence from danger distress and dread their grave is Gods pavilion and receptacle into which they his jewels are gathered Mal. 3.17 lest they should be left in the commotions of the world in which they his trusty friends and confederates are secured from the storm and blast of the terrible ones raised up by the Lord to shake terribly the earth my Soul what though the Chambers of death be dark wilt thou deem it a curse to be gathered into them by Gods special grace that thou mayst not feel hear or see the evil which his wrath and vengeance is about to bring on the places of thy present abode The just by death enter into peace when the whole world is full of Wars they rest in their beds when the house is all in an hurly burly and unquiet tumult Death is the Saints cessation from labour and travel their security from lamentation and trouble their estate of quiet and ease and their entrance into rest and glory The very wicked who with Balaam are ready to curse them whilst they live would gladly share lots with them in their death The worst of men are so apprehensive and affected that their latter end shall be exceedingly good that they cannot but wish to dye the death of the righteous Death is indeed a curse to sinners but the course of nature unto Saints The direful executioner of Gods wrath and law to all who die in their sin
but a messenger of divine favour to all who die in the Lord an harbinger of peace to all who walk in uprightness A grim Porter to fetch home to their fathers mansions all that are Gods children Death is indeed a dismal doom on the sons of the first Adam but the discharge of all sin sorrow pain and travel to all the sons of the second Adam death is in its nature vile and odious Ps 116.15 but precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of all his Saints death is exceeding dreadful to such who are obnoxious to its sting but the stroak of death is desireable to all such who are acquitted from and armed against its sting Death by violence containeth in it a curse A good cause and conscience make death a blessing with an emphasis and increase yet a good conscience righteousness towards God and the testimony of Jesus being the cause procuring the same maketh the most base ignominious and cursed death a condition of glory and blessedness the blessing of them who dye in the Lord doth most certainly eminently and especially appertain to such who dye for the Lord. Phil. 1.29 It is a singular gift to beleive in Christ but to suffer and that unto death for Christ is a peculiar gift of special grace all Saints share not in it attain not the honour of it Stephen stoned for enforcing the truth of Religion by the strength of reason Act. 7 55 56. not to be resisted by the adversaries saw Heaven open to receive him at his death The slain for the Word of God and testimony which they held are lodged under Gods Altar in glory Rev. 6.9.10 11. and before the Throne of the Lamb they are cloathed in white robes to attend the Lamb the most cursed and ignominious death is changed and made glorious to just men by having passed on Gods best servants most zealous and faithful Prophets yea the only and beloved Son of God the Lord Jesus our Savior hath made death every any kind of death the blessing of his people My Soul mistake not the nature of death unto the increase of thy dread mind the condition make sure of the qualification which changeth its nature and then death will loose its affrighting vizard and have another aspect in thine eye and thou wilt incline to give it a more free acceptance am I in Christ I am then redeemed from the curse of death can I dare I desire to divert the course of nature Beware O my soul who am I Shall the earth be removed for me Job 18 4. shall I think to alter Gods purpose or to change the course of Gods providence towards men shall I not be satisfied to be saved from the sting unless I escape also the stroak of Death God never purposed Christ never promised to free me from this why do I presume to dream of it to look for it Shall my dread of the stroak darken the glory of Christs love or damp mine apprehensions and esteem of the unspeakable undeserved mercy of being saved from the sting of death God forbid God hath extracted the poyson shall my stomach nauseate and rise against this cup onely because it is bitter Oh no I will rightthankfully take it as the cup of salvation and dismiss my dread and dutifully submit my self to the Will of God onely wise my most gracious Father O my God not my will but thy Will be done God hath accounted poor weak worthless me worthy of the Ministry of the glorious Gospel of his dear Son he hath at this time culled me from among my brethren to bear a special Testimony to his truth to the power plainness purity and simplicity of Christs ordinances worship and officers and to those degrees of reformation in this Church and Nation which have been protested and solemnly sworn to the most high God herein I have beleived for these I have spoken written and disputed and shall I now fear to suffer shall I now dread death the crowning act of all my zeal diligence and fidelity is not this part of the cross of Christ and so the glorious crown of a Minister of the Gospel have I any thing wherein to glory save the Cross of Christ and shall I fear to be seen in my Masters Livery the honour of my now expected death is an high favour a peculiar priviledge an effect of special grace and therefore sufficient to perswade me to be not onely willing but desirous to be offered up by death to and for him who accounted not his life dear for me Death in and for this cause is not more my duty then my dignity the more ignominious it is the more glorious it shall receive the due recompence of reward 2 Tim. 2.12 If I suffer with Christ I shall be glorified with him and raign with him I have all my days wandred in this world like a Pilgrim in a strange Country it is now my Fathers pleasure to call and send for me home shall I refuse to go in the hand of a grim Messenger because of his gastly look and affrighting countenance may not the same bloody hand conduct me to my Fathers House which doth cut down mine and my Fathers foes what though the stroak of death be the same to good and bad the sequels of Death are not the same to both the Red Sea may pass Israel into the land of rest and yet ruine the Egyptians the same Sheriff who doth execute Traytours and malefactours doth put good subjects into the possession of their proprieties though he be dreadful in the one his very posse comitatus is desireable to the other Shall I foolishly draw back fear to be possessed of mine inheritance incorruptible and undefiled because I must be brought and put into it with Halberts Bills Swords and the Sheriffs train and power My Soul chear up reflect on thy self Christ his love and Gods grace notwithstanding my many slips falls and infirmities I will presume to say I have lived the life of the righteous the Covenant of God is on my flesh with God I have desired and endeavoured to walk though I have sometimes wandred and gone astray like a lost sheep I have embraced Christ my Lord and to him I will cleave as to my deer Redeemer I shall therefore dye the death of the righteous although I may be struck I shall not be stung by death Death may pass upon me as the course of nature and as an expression of humane rage but not as the curse of God or execution of his Law Let me make it my care to see my quality changed whilst I live and then I am assured God will change the quality of my death when I dye SECT VI. IF I now dye as mens rage doth threaten mine enemies desire and hope my friends fear and deprecate and my self have cause to expect I dye as a Malefactour and by the sentence of a righteous Law
death my terror my trouble this remove will transmit me into a station not more permanent then glorious I am removing to a better house yea to possess a KINGDOM A Kingdom not like the Kingdoms of this world not a narrow empty envied distracted divided shaken sinful transient and temporal Kingdom not a Kingdom subject to wars tumults fire famine pestilence ruine and desolation and yet with ambition men do seek with joy they remove into with difficulty and danger they obtain these miserable earthly Kingdoms but my Kingdom to which I shall pass is a spiritual heavenly unshaken united ample abundant undefiled undisturbed peaceable and everlasting Kingdom not subject to any invasion or usurpation to any confusion or commotions to any mutations or violent revolution to any alteration or danger Seeing it is the will of my heavenly Father to give me a Kingdom such a Kingdom and my Kingdom is not of this world why should I be unwilling to leave this world and to go to my Kingdom will any Prince desire to live out of that Kingdom to which he is heir Since O my God! thou hast given me a Kingdom give me a spirit fit for and desirous of this thy Kingdom Let me live and dye worthy the hopes of thine heavenly Kingdom let not this beggarly and these base appendants make me draw back when called to pass into my Kingdom Up my soul enter this strait gate into thy royal Mansion stoop under this cross that thou mayst receive the crown of righteousness and life the incorruptible crown of glory ambition maketh men whose portion is in this life most desperately daring to adventure their all for a poor Cottage-Kingdom subject to commotion shall not grace make me much more willing to put off my natural life that I may put on this living immarcessible Crown which cannot sit on a mortal head and to pass from an house of bondage through a red Sea to a land of rest and pleasure a station permanent and to a Kingdom of glory I will cheerfully remove this once seeing I shall remove to so great advantage and after this I shall remove no more SECT XIV DEath will take me from off my work Death wil end my work yea and my day after it Christs Church shall enjoy no benefit by my Ministry I must now no longer labour in the Lords Vineyard It is very true and this cannot but reduce me to a strait and put me to a stand what to chuse for if I live in the flesh the Church will reap the fruit of my labour that I abide in the flesh is for them more profitable Phil. 1.22 23. nevertheless for me to dye is gain I shall be hereby eased of the charge and care of immortal souls of the pains and burden of my Ministry of the fear and dangers which attend my duty of the toil and travel of all my labour and of the tiring brunt of my working day all which have made me often wish my day were enden and that my night were come There are twelve hours in the day Joh. 11.9 wherein men work and then commeth the night wherein no man worketh My day is not measured by my work but my work is proportioned to my day though I could by my natural strength I cannot work longer for lack of time when my day is done my work is done and shall I not be content with the end of both if my Master ease me of my burthen by ending my day have I any cause to murmur and yet The hinderance of my work shall be no hinderance to my wages Wages shall be sure my two talents well improved for a little time may approve me faithfull when my master commeth Matth. 25.22 23. and 20.9 and so will pass me into my Masters joy as certainly as if I had traded with ten talents and for a longer time he who worketh in my Lords Vineyard but one hour shall receive his penny as well as he who hath endured the heat and brunt of the day I have all my days stretched forth my hands to a stiffnecked and stuborn generation who would not hear mens obduracy hath made my ministry a work of difficulty and danger I have in it been often tyred and willing to lye down and rest yet I never durst look back nor take my hand from the Plough on which my God hath layed it but I shall now find my recompence is with the Lord and my reward is with my God shall I repine to go to him to receive it I will rejoyce I have been so long serviceable in Gods Church and an instrument to glorifie him on earth and it shall be my joy that I must now cease from my labour go home to my Master and be glorified with him in the heavens I shall when dead labour no more in the Lords Vineyard but I shall now drink my self drunk of the fruit of his Vine with himself in his Kingdom I shall no longer serve God on earth but from henceforth I shall sing praises to him for ever in the heavens though the Church militant must loose my labour it shall not loose my masters care he will thrust forth other labourers into his Vineyard and the Church triumphant will enjoy my company to enforce their cry Rev. 6.10 How long Lord before thou wilt avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth come Lord Jesus come quickly I have done the work of my generation what can I do or desire to do more I have dispatched the business charged on my hand shall I be unwilling to sit still and take mine ease I have delivered the embassie to me committed shall I not willingly return at my Lords command My soul bless God that he would employ weak worthless me and that I have done so much and such work in his house as I have done Let me be no less willing to rest and take my ease then to work at my masters bidding SECT XV. DEath will dissolve my being Death dissolveth my being and dischargeth my burden when I am dead I am not but it will also discharge my burden when I am not I am not greived my self my sin and my sorrow shall all cease together and at once better therefore is the day of my death then the day of my birth through all my life I have found little very little that is desireable but much which I may well spare very much whereof I may desire to be eased for the discharge hereof I may well bid death welcome What hath been my whole life but an estate of sin sorrow of pain and travel a condition full of cares fears greifs temptations afflictions crosses losses persecutions reproaches dangers and great distresses sicknesses and sinful weaknesses and soul-perplexities man that is born of a woman Job 5.7 is born unto trouble aâ— the sparks flye upward these are so natural to me and inherent iâ— me that they exist in
and subsist with my very self I cannot be and be without them I cannot lay them down without laying my self aside vanity vexation and trouble qualifie my life as inseperable to it why am I perplexed with an apprehension that such a life draweth to a period I have all my days been persecuted by humane rage and power and so should be still if I live longer I may well be contented to be resolved into an estate of peace when men have killed my body they have done their worst their all they have me not to insult over they do much better for me then they are aware of they give me a writ of ease from all my travel and trouble in the grave the wicked do and shall cease from troubling Job 3.17 18. the weary shall be at rest the prisoners do rest together and they hear not the voice of the oppressor My soul were there no more in death but this release from greif pain sorrow and travel thou mayest well resign me up to the stroak of death I may be content not to be that so I may not be so miserable well may death be sweet to me to whom my whole life hath been so bitter how many have desired death because of the danger distress and dolour of their lives how many have sinfully destroyed their lives to deliver themselves from their cares fears greifs wants and woful pains I desire not I dare not I will not tempt God and murmur against his providence by hastening my death by a violent untimely unlawful unnatural act of self-violence all the days of mine appointed time I will wait till my change come but I may very cheerfully willingly yeild unto that stroak which is sent of God to ease me of so great a burden the rather because Death is my discharge from sin as well as from sorrow and death onely can be the discharge thereof In iniquity I was conceived Psal 51.5 in sin did my Mother bring me forth sin is to me as natural as my self it is inherent in my being it was born with me it hath grown up with my â—ody that will not that cannot be divided from this this corruptible body is the uphold of the body of corruption these two do stand and will fall together This dying flesh is not only the subject of sence but also the seat of sin the members of my body are the instruments of sin unto and until death how tormenting hath life been unto my soul by reason of temptation unto sin the constant militation of my flesh hath made my life a continual conflict how have I feared to nourish my body because thereby I made provision for the flesh to fulfil the lusts thereof I could never yet tame sin but by buffetting my flesh and by abstracting from the supports of my being I cannot be rid of sin till I be released of life Oh the care to avoid fear to commit sin to which I have been subject how many times have I been forced to embrace sorrow to shun sin and to sit alone exposed to scorn and misery because I durst not run to the excess of riot with other men Mortification of sin hath been the main of my business since I saw the sinfulness of sin and yet do I what I could it would and doth exist in me and prevail upon me to the often checking my comforts hindring my communion with God and wounding my conscience by omissions of and defects in duty by commission of hainous sins and many abberrations from my heavenly father forced to fetch me home by paternal castigation though Gods grace hath maintained in me a constant militation thaâ— sin could not reign in my mortaâ— body and my Father hath ever kept me under the rod of correction yet the law in my members hath rebelled against the law in my mind and led me captive unto sin the best of my life hath been a candid confession and a continual complaint that the good I would do I do not and the evil I would not do that I do and an affectionate outcry Oh wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from this body of sin I must I may whilst I live make it my care to keep under my body lest my sin overcome me and yet whilst I abide in the body I shall bear about a body of corruption the death of this shall be and it onely can be the destruction of that Onely in the grave I shall cease to sin when I am not I shall not be sinful I shall not be a sinner My Soul Dost thou desire to be freed from the suggestions temptations and inclinations to sin and yet tremble at the thoughts of dissolution which will and onely can deliver thee from them all be assured after death thou shalt not be greived for because thou shalt not be stained with thy daily guilt thy sinful nature shall then no more greive the Spirit of thy holy God Hast thou waged a mortal warfare against thy sin all my life and wilt thou now give back in the last mortal stroak though this fall upon thy self with some violence it will certainly give thee the full conquest over thy lusts with which thou hast so long contested fall willingly under that fall which will make thee full victor over these cursed Philistines Come O my soul be willing to stoop that thou mayst lay down thy load submit freely to that stroak which will for ever set thee free from all sin and from all sorrow cease to complain that thy life hath been tedious and tiresom troubleous and toilsom or shew thy self content and truly glad to be eased desire to be dissolved that thy burden of sin and sorrow may be discharged Be still O my soul the stroke of death is dreadful but it once struck doth for ever dismiss and destroy the suggestions of Satan the motions of sin the actings of unrighteousness the apprehensions of Gods wrath and afflictions by mens rage and envy with all other evils who would not bear some dread to be delivered from so great distress when I am dead I shall cease from my labour I shall rest from mine own works of sin and sorrow these are indeed most properly mine own works produced procured by my self created continued by and with my self acted by existent in and with my self to be only desolved and destroyed with my self whilst I am I am as yea above others of my brethren the Butt of Satans rage and mens malice the subject of strong passions and finful motions whilst I have lived I have not done duty to God without great defect I have not delivered my Masters message among men without great danger Satan hath hunted me into sin and wicked men hath hunted me into sufferings they have lien in wait for me they have laboured to make my tongue my trap and to ensnare me by my words but I may now be content these can follow me no further they
thee I relye thee I embrace with all my soul to be my Lord and my King refuse reject me not O God of my salvation I have resigned up my whole man to thy most holy word and will and desire to walk in thy most holy ways thy love shed abroad in my heart hath enflamed me with a love to thy name to thine ordinances thy people and thine house the zeal of thy house hath consumed me I have through thy spirit embraced esteemed thy truth in the love thereof and thy people for the truths sake which is in them For thy sake I have denied all outward comforts I have taken up my cross and followed thee Consider remember O Lord my present bonds for thy sake I am killed all the day long I am accounted as a Sheep for the slaughter the reproaches of them who reproach thee are fallen upon me all this is come upon me yet have I not departed from thee nor dealt falsly in the Covenant in which thy glory is concerned § These things O Lord I do reflect not as matters of merit in me or as engagements on thy justice to do me good for I well know they are not mine own and if they were and were perfect yet I must when I have done the best I can acknowledge I am an unprofitable servant all I can do is due to thee the best of my actions are but the debt I ow thee but alas my best actions are full of sin my righteousness is as a filthy rag a menstruous garment which needeth thy propitiation and thy fathers pardon and must be perfumed by the incense which is on the censer in the right hand of thee my high Priest Yet O my Savour I reveiw these things in me as the effects of thy grace to me of thy spirit in me and as infallible evidences of thine union to me for flesh and blood could not reveal nor work these things in me by thy grace sanctifying my nature my soul is and shall be saved ô refuse me not deny me not to be thine O let thy spirit of adoption seal up my relation to thee and mine interest in thee let me not remain in the dark or be deceived in a matter of so great concernment to me clear up to me by certain premises the truth the realty of mine inseperable union with thee else I am undon have said nothing to my soul in all that I have said against the dread of death § Grant unto me O Lord the remission of all my sins the sence of the guilt thereof doth sting my soul under the apprehensions of mine approaching death Whatsoever doth befall me in this life I beseech thee suffer me not to dye in my sin Oh convince me of humble me for and turn me from all iniquity and every reigning lust but graciously cast it behind thy back blot it out of thy remembrance that in the day it is sought for it may not be found against me sin hath passed on me and death by sin but deliver me O my Saviour from falling by under the second death from which there is no possibility of redemption Secure unto my soul thy sufferings as the full ransom of my soul and the satisfaction to thy fathers law and justice for mine offences and for my many great trangressions so shall I be able to meet death with boldness I shall then insult over that King of terrors with on O death where is thy sting O grave where is thy victory I shall then triumph over death and him who hath the power of death the Devil If my heart deceive me not I would not sin that grace â—hould abound but now blessed Saviour that I have sinned I do I dare not but earnestly beg thy grace may abound that I may in my death through the pardon of sin sing unto thy praise thanks be unto God who hath given met he victory through Jesus Christ our Lord. § O thou the only high Priest of my profession thou canst be touched with mine infirmities thou knowest the power the prevalency of my natural passions under the apprehensions of mine approaching death thou ever livest to make intercession for me graciously rebuke my passions restrain my fears revive my faith renew my hope and establish my heart under and against all those amazing affrighting apprehenfions of death which nature dotâ— conceive sence doth dictate or Satan doth suggest unto my dread Compassionately grant me the comfortable supports of thy presence grace and spirit whilst I walk in the vale of the shadow of death that I may with all patience and meekness lie down and receive that stroak of death which I cannot avoid and yet cannot be willing to receive That I may with submission drink that bitter cup thou puttest into my hand concerning which my nature not corrupted with sin could not but pray Father if it be possible let this cup pass from me give me an heart groaning to be clothed on with my house from heaven whilst I cannot desire to be uncloathed of this earthly tabernacle and seeing my presence in the flesh is mine absence from thee O Lord perswade me to be willing to be dissolved that I may be with thee which is best of all § As a man I cannot desire I cannot but fear to die be pleased O my Savior to convince me of and afflict me with the happy sequels of my death that the sence thereof may make me contrary to the power property of my nature desirous to die let not the dread of death drive me to accept on sinful terms the deliverance from the most violent and shameful stroak thereof enable me to live the last breath of this my dying life in the ways of thy truth and holiness to the praise of thy grace and in this last act to play the man couragiously evidencing my self affected with a clear sence that all the evils of death are discharged and assured that I am united to thee who art the resurrection and the life through whom though I die I shall live again and having fought the good fight of faith and finished my course of nature I shall escape the curse of death and be received into eternal life and glory with thy self thy blessed Saints and Angels for ever guide me all my days by thy counsel and at last receive me into thy glory Into thy hands I commit my spirit it is thine own thou hast redeemed it and thou wilt keep it until thy glorious appearance blessed Jesus my Lord and my Redeemer Amen Amen Amen FINIS