Medicina Animae Or The LAMENTATION And CONSOLATION of a Sinner Together with severall Collections out of the Holy Scriptures By Joshua Mullard I sayd I will confesse my sinnes unto the Lord and so thou forgavest the wickednesse of my sin Psa 32.6 LONDON Printed by Tho. Harper 1652. To the Reader GEntle Reader I began some part of this Penitentiall Meditation long since when it pleased Almighty God to give me a sight of my sinnes and grace to hate and forsake them It may seeme strange that I should make a publicke confession of them when they are only knowne to Almighty God and my selfe But I find David confessing his Adultery and Manasses his Idolatry and S. Paul confessing himselfe to be the greatest of sinners and also I finde that whosoever confesseth his sinnes and forsaketh them shall find mercy I must confesse I did not intend to publish them but that I was prest by many of my friends to it but more especially when I had read the judgement pronounced against the unprofitable servant that hid his Talent Matth. 25.30 I thought it more safety to shew my imperfections to men then to disobey my Redeemer and to lose my Talent I desire thee Reader to read it all over before thou censure and to pardon the imperfections thou meetst with J. M. Medicina Animae Or The great Wound cured Being Pious Meditations and Prayers on the Lamentation and Consolation of a Sinner CHAP. I. O Who shall give water to my head and a fountaine of teares to my eyes that I may bee able to bewayle the losses of my soule with greefe agreeable thereunto for there is a manifest and great cause of sorrow when with the sight of my minde I doe behold my ancient dayes and my youthfull years in this Meditation my spirit hath fayled mee for I know what I was nay rather what I should have beene and understand what I am and fear what I shall be And the lesse I sorrow so much more doe I feare I would to God I sorrowed more that I might fear less But woe to me O Lord for now a long time thou smitest and yet I sorrow not Thou callest me and yet I heare not thou knockest and yet I open not the barre of my hard heart unto thee The sorrows of Death compassed mee round about and being filled with many sorrowes without I feele inwardly no sorrow that may work unto salvation and I feele not onely sorrowes of old age but I am a man of sorrow from my youth upward and all my dayes are full of travell and griefe and yet I sorrow because that alwayes sorrowing I cannot sorrow as I ought to sorrow O marvellous and unspeakable wisdome of the heavenly Physitian O wonderfull goodnesse of the most mercifull God! O singular benefit of him that is the Giver of all good things for thou O Lord givest unto me sorrow lest I should parish in pleasures and that I may learn to rejoyce without offence thou givest me sorrow for a time that I may not suffer everlasting paine thou afflictest my body that thou mayst save my soule Thou scourgest that thou mayest heale thou killest that thou mayest quicken But alas how unwillingly doe I receive thy salve out of the secret hand of thy mercy and being ignorant doe not acknowledge the sovereigne medicine of healthfull sorrow wherein thou art mercifully severe against me and how doe I acknowledge it if earnestly I desire to be delivered from sorrow who without sorrow cannot bee healed for how can hee bee healed without sorrow who by delight is made sicke Therefore O Lord make mee to sorrow and teach mee a saving sorrow that my griefe may bee turned into joy and that I may rejoyce in thy salvation CHAP. II. DAyes passe away and yeeres slide away but I unhappy man after so many corruptions of my soule after so most grievous and long follies doe not yet repent nor am not afflicted for my sinnes but continue the often falling into them againe and care not for rising from heaping new unto old and greater unto lesse What shall I doe O Lord or whither shall I goe when my last time shall come where shall I be hidden from thy wrathfull countenance or whither shall I flie away from thy face when thou shalt call mee unto judgement and require of me an account of the talent bestowd upon me what shall I answer unto thee or how shall I excuse my negligence when thou shalt sit upon thy throne of Majesty and command me to give an account of my stewardship to the uttermost farthing Surely I have nothing to say but Lord I beseech thee to answer for me for who am I that I should answer to thee in judgement but if thou compell me to answer I wil say as a man confounded trembling and fearing O Lord I have gayned nothing thereupon but have wickedly and vainely mispent and consumed thy talent by my base living I should better have sayd by dying but then I thought I lived but I was dead because I lived without thee my true life yea the life of a wicked man may rather bee called death then life I may say I sooner began to die then live first I did not understand what life was when I had forsaken the life of lives and fountaine of life And mallice did supplant my yong age in manifold wickednesses I was scarce come out of my mothers womb but I was already a sinner comming into the world being yet ignorant of sinne I did bewaile the sinnes wherein my parents begot me neyther did I altogether leave bewailing others sinnes when I committed my own which I knew and did not bewayle Being an Infant I followed iniquity and spent my childhood wherin I should have beene pure impurely There breathed slimy vapours from the sinfull corruptions of my flesh and the spring of my youth did shadow my heart that it could not discerne light from darknesse and the clearnesse of the mind from the mist of lust and trayterous and crafty pleasures did carry my weake and forgetfull loose age into the headlong rocke of lust so as I boyled up in wicked desires to be satisfied in Hell From my childhoode I grew to growing yeeres neither was I sooner growing towards youth then my wickednesse did grow ripe and I was bold to grow wild in divers inordinate lusts by the which beeing drawn by the griefe of wickednesse I was drowned to death and destruction the evill and wicked daies of my growing years passed on and I grew towards youth but I returned backwards in filthiness and vanity And as I was elder I was a yong man and came to bee a man but Vice alwaies flourished in me instead of Vertue I waxed old and grey and did not walk in thy waies but as a child being now an Old man I lived childishly Where then at any time have I bin innocent that I should bee judged of thee according to the time of my
innocency though thou didst appoint it me unto judgement for thou art just O Lord and righteous in all thy judgements for thou rendrest to every one according to his works and I feare all mine because they are the workes of darkness And I have been a worker of iniquity from the beginning and have alwaies willingly followed the works and paths of unrighteousness I have wallowed in sin as the Swine in filthiness and as the Prodigall was fed with Husks so was I delighted with filthy and evill words and grieved with earnest and profitable sayings I did communicate with those that wrought iniquity and did banquet with the chief of them and did glory in sin Being mighty in iniquity I loved to excuse and could not accuse my selfe and made heavy my heart and the more incurable is my sinne for that I did not thinke my selfe to be a sinner Neither did I not onely seek a medicine for my soule which was sick unto death but refused it being offered yea with an unreverent and untamed minde was wroth against them that would minister it unto me I despised them that reproved me and imbraced them that spake pleasing unto me and delighted in their speeches that had not their hearts right unto me I studied devices and lies in all things and loved rather darkness then light Behold O Lord I have delivered my selfe unto thee this is the course of my life wherein I have deserved thy wrath this will I answer unto thee when thou shalt ask of me But do not remember the offences of my youth nor my ignorances O Lord and enter not into judgement with thy servant for no living creature shall be justified in thy sight but if thou wilt enter because thou art a God that loveth judgment doe judgement unto me but not justice and judge me according to the judgement of those that love thy name that I may sing unto thee mercy and judgement Remember O Lord that though I am wicked yet I am thy servant and the son of thy handmaid and do not looke into the multitude of my sinnes but unto the greatness of thy mercies and when thou shalt be angry with me for my wickednesse remember thy mercy and be not angry with me for ever but have mercy upon thy afflicted servant that my soule may praise thee and confess thy mercifulness CHAP. III. VVOE unto mee wretched man because I have made my Redeemer angry with me and I have rebelliously neglected his Law and I have willingly forsaken the right way and as a sheepe that refuseth the shepheard I have been carried far and wide round about through dry unwatered places wandring in the wildernesse of wickednesse and not in the right way I have gone to all rough and unaccessible places and every where was anguish and tribulation I have beene wearied in the way of iniquity and perdition and have walked in hard wayes seeking rest and finding none because I did not seek thee O Lord but was in a barren land in the country of Death where is no rest but continuall labor affliction of spirit dwelleth there I dwelt in anguish with pleasures and amongst thornes did I make my bed and sleep in death and hoped for rest in torments now therfore what shal I doe whither shall I turne my selfe in these great dangers All the hopes of my youth are faln down and I am like one that suffereth shipwrack who having lost all his wealth swimmeth away naked being tost with the wind and sea and am driven far from the haven of happiness and doe not take hold of the way of salvation but am carried away on the left hand the enemy had placed nets for me which way soever I went and snares for my feet and I despised them and walked securely in slippery places and flattered my selfe in sins I thought youth was not held by the lawes of death and being deceived by this confidence I followed the filthy desires of the flesh and gave the reines beyond the measure of sensuality following it wheresoever the force thereof did carry me and sayd like a foole in my heart Wherefore doest thou think of the end before the middle thou hast many dayes yet remayning and mayst bee converted when thou listest so waxed I old in sin and a most wicked custome was turned into nature and now as a bondslave to sinne I serve as it were chayned and as a mad man haling his owne flesh seeketh to hurt himselfe all reason of deliberation being quenched so I more grievously and dangerously have hated my owne soule for the impenitency of my heart and obstinate wilfulnesse hath layd violent hands upon me and hath distracted and disturbed my poore distressed soule and so having brought unto my selfe the horrour of Hell every day more and more according to the hardnesse of my impenitent heart I doe heap up wrath against the day of wrath I have made triall sometimes to shake off the old yoke but am not able because it cleaveth to my bones Oh that at length it may fall from my necke that I may love thee though late It shall surely fall away if thou command O Lord and send me help from above I confesse I have not deserved it but thou O most gracious giver who makest the Sun to rise indifferently upon the good as also upon the bad and grantest temporall blessings to the unworthy even when they aske them not how canst thou deny spirituall things to those that require them have mercy upon me therfore O Lord and fulfill the desires of a poore penitent sinner thou that art rich in mercy and wont cheerefully to have mercy and doest purge the will from evil custome and hearest the groanings of those that are bound and loosest us from the bonds which wee have made to our selves unlesse wee refuse thy mercy Give thy right hand unto the worke of thy hands that when I fall I may not be bruised and that I may not be drawn into the deep pit of perdition Deliver mee from the mouth of the cruell Lion that is ready for the prey and gapeth for my soule that hee may devour it for thou onely art my protector and my deliverer and in thy mercy is my hope let thy mercy therefore be shewed unto me as I have trusted in thee Lord in thee do I put my whole trust and confidence Lord let me never be confounded CHAP. IV. MY nights pass away in grief and vex mee with innumerable terrors my Conscience shaketh mee while I am awake and I am tormented therewith as if I were wounded with a two edged sword my sleep is troubled with divers illusions bringing me no rest but travell I watch all night in my thoughts and when as being wearied I do endeavour to give some sleep to my eye-lids by and by sleep departeth from my eies and when I sleep I sleep alwayes in sorrow being wakened with an unquiet weariness from the Care of the day and all
Jesus I most humbly beseech thee to indue me with thy holy spirit that I may forget all my wicked inclinations and that I may offend thee no more but remain constant to my good intentions proposed at this time I confesse unto thee O Lord that it was thy meer mercy and goodness that thou hadst not cut me off many times before this in the height of my horrid sins and cast me immediatly into Hell for all eternity O Lord thou hast had mercy upon me being but poore dust and ashes and thou art pleased at this instant to reforme my deformities and to keep me from sudden death and despaire lest I should bee swallowed up in the deep O Lord I humbly confesse that before thou didst give me a sight of my sinnes and hearty sorrow and repentance for them I was going headlong to Hell carrying all my sins along with mee but thou O my Lord and my God didst call me back unto thee who art the way the truth and the life and didst inlighten my cloudy mind with the brightness of thy light that seeing my relf at the brink of Hell thou hast pulled mee backe by thy divine mercy and providence that I may live to see thy glory what shall I therefore render unto thee my most mercifull Saviour for the marvellous waies that thou hast used to correct and direct my waies into the way of salvation I was carried away with vanities O my God and made my waies farre from thee but thou O Lord moved with mercy didst call back my filthy life from the durt of earthly pleasures and didst restraine my untamed minde with the bit and bridle of the calamities and labour of this wretched world that I might understand my own misery and come unto thee I will therefore glory in my infirmities and afflictions that thy grace may dwell in mee O Lord to whom I owe all that I am for that thou hast forgiven me many heynous and grievous sins and for those great benefits and most holy blessings by which my poore soule shall be saved I doe give unto thee most humble thanks upon the knees of my heart and in gratitude for thy gracious favours I doe most willingly offer my poor life to be sacrificed for thee my liberty and all my worldly substance and my most humble prayers saying Bless the Lord O my soule and doe not forget all his benefits who is mercifull to all thine iniquities and healeth all thine infirmities who hath redeemed thy life from death who crowneth thee with loving kindnesses and tender mercies Behold O Lord how I am comforted with thy mercies and thou hast so inlightened me that I now desire to imbrace thee before all the pleasures which have waited upon my miserable life therefore I humbly beseech thee O most mercifull Father not to faile in helping me that I also by thy grace may not faile in confessing thy mercy unto me and I desire thee to accept of my broken and contrite heart and my sorrowfull soule for my sins past and grant unto me thy fear that I may never do any thing to displease thee but conceiving hope by thy promises of thy mercy I may henceforth bee cherished and delighted with heavenly things O Lord protect mee under the shaddow of thy wings and cherish me in the bosome of thy mercy for while I live in this valley of tears I will cry unto thee O my God and my helper in time of trouble and need that thou deliver mee from all temptations unto the end and that thou wilt nourish mee as thy childe who having received the strength of thy vertue so long as I shall run in the course of this world forgetting that which is behind and earnestly bending my selfe to thy holy blessings by thy grace and protection I may goe on to the appointed place that thou hast prepared for those that love Christ Jesus our Lord who liveth and reigneth with thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit God world without end Amen A Preparative to Prayer WHen to thy God thou speak'st O creature mean Lift up pure hands lay down all foul desires Fix thoughts on heaven present a conscience clean Such holy Balme to mercies throne aspires Confesse faults guilt crave pardon for thy sin Tread holy Paths call grace to guide therein It is the spirit with reverence must obey Our Makers will to practise what he taught Make not the flesh thy Councell when thou pray 'T is enemy to every vertuous thought It is the foe we dayly feed and cloath It is the Prison that the soule doth loath Even as Elias mounting to the sky Did cast his mantle to the earth behind So when the heart presents the prayer on high Exclude the world from traffique with the minde Lips neare to God and ranging hearts within Is but vain babling and converts to sin Like Abraham ascending up the Hill To sacrifice his servants left below That he might act the great Commanders Will Without impeach to his obedient blow Even for the soule remote from earthly things Should mount salvations shelter mercies wings Nothing more gratefull in the highest eies Nothing more firme in danger to protect us Nothing more forcible to pierce the skies And not depart till mercy do respect us And as the soule life to the body gives So prayer revives the soule by prayer it lives A Prayer BEcause I have sinned O Lord and done wickedly in thy sight and provoked thee to anger by my abominable wickednesse making my body which thou hast ordayned as a vessell of thy honour an instrument of most detestable filthinesse O Lord be mercifull unto me and pardon me this great wickednesse looke not upon me good Father with the eyes of justice neither do thou draw against me the sword of judgement for now shall I that am but dust stand in thy presence when thy wrathfull indignation commeth foorth as a whirlewind and thy heavy displeasure as a tempest seeing the earth trembleth the depths as discovered and the very heavens are shaken when thou art angry Exercise not therefore thy fury against me that am but chaffe before the winde and as stubble before a flaming fire though I have sinned grieuously in thy sight preferring my wicked desire before thy holy commandements esteeming the pleasure of a moment before eternall and everlasting joyes nay which is worse making more account of vileness and vanity and extreame folly and madnesse then of the glory and majesty of the most excellent wonderful and blessed God nothing dreading his displeasure whose wrath maketh the Divels to quake and burneth unquenchable unto the bottomles pit of hell whose might is so great that by the breath of his nostrills hee can in the twinkling of an eye destroy a thousand worlds yet am I bold prostrating my self before the throne of thy Majesty heartily to beseech and humbly to intreat thee that thou wilt not deale with mee according to my merits for I have deserved
reconciled me unto thee when thou didst abhor me for my sins thou didst send him from heaven to me to shew that thou art ready to heare him for us therefore in him I come unto thee in him I will call upon thee O my Redeemer Preserver and my Saviour to thee be praise with the Father and the Holy Spirit for ever Amen Who shall stay mee from my Father and my Brother and my Comforter I Owe God a death as his Son died for me ever since I was borne I have been sayling towards this Haven and gathering patience to comfort this houre therefore shall I be one of those guests now that would not come to the banquet when they were invited what hurt is in going to Paradice I shall lose nothing but the sense of evil and anon I shall have greater joyes then I feele pains for my head is in Heaven already to assure me that my soule and body shall follow after O Death where is thy sting why should I fear that which I would not escape because my chiefest happiness is behind and I cannot have it unlesse I go unto it I would goe through Hell to Heaven and therefore if I march but through death I suffer lesse then I would for God my pains do not dismay me because I travell to bring forth eternall life my sins do not affright me because I have Christ my Redeemer the Judge doth not astonish me because the Judges Son is my Advocate the Devill doth not amaze me because the Angels pitch about mee the grave doth not grieve me because it was my Lords bed O that Gods mercies to me might move others to love him for the less I can expresse it the more it is the Prophets and Apostles are my forerunners every man is gone before me or else he will follow after me if it please God to receive mee into Heaven before them that have served him better I owe more thanks to him and because I have deferred my repentance till this houre wherby my salvation is cut off if I should dye suddenly lo how my God in his mercifull providence to prevent my destruction calleth me by a lingring sickness which stayeth till I be ready and prepareth me to my end lik a Preacher and makes me by wofull pains wery of this beloved world lest I should depart unwillingly like them whose death is their damnation so he loveth me whilst he beateth mee that his stripes are Plaisters to salve me therefore who shal love him if I forsake him this is my whole desire now to strengthen my body with my heart and to be contented as God hath appoynted untill I glorifie him or he glorifie mee If I live I live to sacrifice if I die I die a sacrifice for his mercy is above my iniquity therefore if I should fear death it were a signe that I had not faith nor hope as I professed but that I doubted of Gods truth in his promise whether he will forgive his penitent sinners or no. It is my Father let him doe what seemeth good in his sight Come Lord Jesus for thy servant commeth I am willing help my unwillingnesses For the Morning NOw that the day star doth arise Beg we of God with huÌ„ble cries Hurtfull things to keep away While we duly spend the day Our tongues to guide so that no strife May breed disquiet in our life To shut and close the wandring eye Lest it let in vanity To keep the heart as pure and free From â—â—nd and troubled fantasie To tame proud flesh while we deny it A full cup and wanton diet That when the day light shall go out Time bringing on the night about We by leaving worldly wayes May in silence sing God prayse Amen Come Holy Ghost our soules inspire And lighten with celestiall fire Thou the anointing spirit art Who dost thy sevenfold gifts impart Thy blessed unction from above Is comfort life and fire of love 〈…〉 with perpetuall light The … nesse of my blinded sight Anoâ—â—t and cheere my soyled face With the abundance of thy grace Keep 〈◊〉 my â—oes give peace at hom Where thou art guide no ill can com Teach mee to know the father son And thee of both to be but one That through the Ages all along This may be my endles song Prayse to thy Eternall Merit Father Son and Holy Spirit A Prayer for the Morning O Lord be mercifull unto mee a miserable sinner O Lord I beseech thee let thine eares bee attentive unto the prayer of thy servant that desires to feare thy name and prosper I pray thee thy servant this day And good Lord I beseech thee send thy holy Spirit into my soule so to teach mee to pray unto thee that both my selfe and my prayers may be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my Redeemer And good Lord I beseech thee to remove all my sinnes out of thy sight that they may neither hinder my prayers from ascending up unto thee nor thy mercies from descending downe upon me And good Lord I humbly beseech thee to banish out of my heart and soule all evil thoughts and desires all fond love and affection all carnall lust and concupiscence and whatsoever else may any way hinder mee from the true love and worship of thy divine and sacred Majesty O Eternall God maker and high possessour both of Heaven and Earth looke downe I humbly beseech thee with pity and compassion upon a poor miserable distressed sinner who am not worthy to lift up my eyes towards the throne of thy divine and sacred Majesty much lesse worthy of any of thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast beene pleased to bestow upon mee for O Lord so many and so mighty are my sinnes wherewith I have offended thy divine and sacred Majesty both in thought word deed and desire that if thou shouldst enter into judgement with mee and deale with mee according to thy justice and my desert I must expect nothing but eternall death and damnation But I most humbly beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake that it wil please thee to have mercy upon me and to pardon me all my sinnes and offences and to remove all those judgements away from mee which my sinnes have deserved and give mee grace ever heerafter to amend my ungodly life and to love and serve and honour thee truly faithfully and unfeignedly without pride presumption vaine glory and hypocrisie from these and all other deadly sinnes good Lord deliver me And good Father I give thee most humble thanks for all thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast been pleased to bestow upon me more especially for that it hath pleased thee this night past to preserve me from all evills notwithstanding all my sinnes and ill deserts Lord thou mightest have made my bed my grave and throwne my soule into the deep pit of hell hadst thou dealt with mee according