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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A66692 The Essex champion, or, The famous history of Sir Billy of Billerecay and his squire Ricardo Winstanley, William, 1628?-1698. 1690 (1690) Wing W3059A_VARIANT; ESTC R40711 94,132 73

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nimbly slipt the Ring from off his Finger and as nimbly put it on his own whereby the Tinker again became visible but Ricardo was no where to be seen The Hostess seeing such Juggling tricks began to call out for her Money with such a loud voice as waked also the Bedlam who asking for his Master I think said she your Master is the Devil for the Tinker and he are in Dock out Nettle sometimes seen and sometimes not and here is Seven Shillings and six pence to pay and now the Young Devil is fled which I much marvel at for I think none of you both have any Crosses about ye to scare him away Whilst they were thus arguing the case Ricardo slipt away from them taking his course directly towards Billerecay where how he sped we shall declare in the next Chapter CHAP. 7. Hap Ricardo delivered his Letter to Jone Grumball with her Answer to it And several exploits performed by Ricardo with his Invisible Ring IT was at such time of the day when the Curl pate Waggoner of Heaven had well near finisht his Diurnal Course and was driving his panting Steeds down towards the Western Hill when the Renowned Squire Errant Ricardo entred into the Town of Billerecay bending his course directly towards the House of Jone Grumball to whom he delivered Sir Billy's Letter with much obsequiousness telling her such Stories of his Master's Valour his Honour of Knight-Hood and of the great affection he bore to her that her heart began to melt towards him even as a pound of Butter melts before the Sun But being she could not read her self she sent for a Journey-man Shoomaker to the further end of the Town to read it one who bore good will unto her and was at that present inditing a Letter to make her know the affection he bore her Crispin having read it over and understanding he had a Knight to his Rival was very much troubled but Jone Grumball was so well pleased with the Sugar-Candy Words he sent unto her that she vowed her self unto him both Body and Breeches asking Ricardo many questions concerning him all which he answered in such lofty Language amplifying his prowess the respects all people shewed unto him with the faithful Love he bare unto her that she was more and more entangled in the Lime-Twigs of Love vowing and protesting her self his for ever Crispin by these presages finding his Suit like to have but a cold reception to avenge himself on Ricardo by whose speeches he thought Jone's Heart was estranged from him he therefore ran to old Thomasio telling him his Son's partner in stealing away his Horses was at that instant at Jone Grumball's whom he might easily take and by that means know what was become of his Son as also of his Horses Thomasio quick as lightning taking a Constable along with him went to Jone Grumball● and seizing upon Ricardo threatned him with all the punishments he could reckon up as Hanging Burning Drowning Killing Stabbing and twenty other kinds of Death besides if he told him not where his Son and Horses were Ricardo nothing daunted at his Domineering but intending to put a trick upon him told him that his Son was become one of the greatest Lord in the World that Kings and Queens craved his Assistance and Lords and Ladies implored his help that he commonly kill'd half a dozen Gyants for his Breakfast and bathed his Sword in the Blood of Monsters and Dragons every day That his Master was at that present in the Sage Freston's Castle where the most excellent Princess Tantabilus courted his Love but that he had vowed himself only to the Service of his Beautiful Dulcina In sum that his Master was a Knight and he was his Squire and that therefore by the Laws of Knight Errantry they were not to be troubled nor molested wheresoever they came But Thomasio being minded not to be put off with such Noninoes charged the Constable to carry him before a Justice of Peace to which Ricardo willingly consented whether they immediately address'd themselves The Justice having heard the Allegations on both sides perswaded Thomasio to go along with Ricardo and see by fair means to bring his Son home again and if he were so obstinate he would not return to take away their Horses which would be a means to spoil their Knight-Errantry and that they might go the more lovingly together he called for a Bottle of Sack to drink them into Unity The Bottle was no sooner set on the Table but Ricardo vowed himself Master thereof and thereupon slipping on his Invisible-Ring he boldly steps to the Table and clapping the Bottle of Sack under his Coat marched away with it not being descerned by any The Justice and Thomasio were stricken into a wonderful Amazement to see the Bottle go away without hands as they thought but much more when they missed Ricardo And now remembring what strange stories he had told of Billy they concluded that both the Master and the Man were turned Conjurers and therefore dreaded what further mischief might by ●is means be shewed unto them In the mean time Ricardo was walked to Jone Grumballs with his Bottle of Sack never pulling off his Ring till he came within the House that not any one might take any Notice of him Here did he tell her what a trick he served the Justice and that therefore he must make all the hast he could to his Master Jone was very well pleased with the Jest but much more with her part she had in the Sack and having drank a Health to Billy she desired Ricardo to stay so long till she got a Letter in answer to his Master which by the School-Master of the Town was performed for her in these words My dearest Knight WIth what Joy I Jone Grumball the Lady of thy affections received your Letter may better be exprest by Imagination than words for hearing of the ardent Love that you beare unto me set forth in such Rhetorical Elocution it fared with me as with a Beggar who on a sudden finding a rich Treasure can scarce believe his own Eyes but fears it is a Dream or some fond Illusion Even so my dearest Knight did it happen unto me hardly could I believe my one Ears much less imagine that so Heroick Renowned a Champion as thou art wouldest become the Loadstone of my Affections But know that I am as much over Head and Ears in Love as thou Nor do not think me light for yielding so soon for what Heart can hold out at the Battery of thy Eloquence thou being a Conqueror of Affections as well as Gyants I shall think the time long till I hear from thee again much more till such time I see thee till when I subscribe my self Thine in indeared Friendship Jone Grumball Ricardo having received the Letter of her promised to be very careful in the delivery of it and she for her part promised him that when she came to be his Knights
venting some speeches derogatory to that noble profession Nay so far did his folly prevail with him that he would have perswaded me to have left off pursuing of Knightly Adventures and to have spent the remainder of my days in Ease and Idleness had I not been endowed with a heart betwixt whom and fear there 's an antipathy my known disposition being such as to scorn those dangers which would make a Coward tremble to think on Ricardo had much a do to forbear laughing out-right to hear his Master talk so rediculously as also to think how he had possest the Coroner and his Man with a firm belief that they were beaten by Spirits but by this means all thoughts of fighting any more being quite laid aside the Justice invited them all unto his House and that there might be a thorough reconciliation betwixt them the Coroner led Sir Billy by the hand and his Man the Squire Ricardo Here did the Justice express his bountiful nature by the great entertainment he gave them which was such as if Ceres and Baochus had taken up his House for their habitation The Justices Daughter who had before so graced Sir Billy being extreamly taken with his extravagancies to follow on the humour entertained him in these Words Most noble Knight whose prowess is far above my expressions blind Fortunes Mincion in Valorous attempts having a Spirit of greater confidence than can give admittance to any thoughts of Cowardise more welcome is thy presence to me than that of Vlysses to the chast Penelope after his Ten Years absence at the Seige of Troy How happy is that Lady which hath so renowned a Champion to her Servant more Fortunate is she in her Choice than was Sabra the King of Egypt's Daughter in St. George the Beautiful Rosalinde in St. Dennis of France or the renowned Philotheta in that of Montelion Knight of the Oracle Indeed said Sir Billy the Goddess of my affections is such a one that should I go about to describe her I must use the help of the most precious things and invocate the learnedest of the Nine Muses for my assistance Her Hair that Amorous Cordage like to a rich and artful Coronet shews like to Curtains for Beauties Chamber Her Forehead Beauties Sphear shews like to a Mount of bleached Snow built upon two Ivory Arches Her Eyes those starry Jewels such as might Captivate Love and her Eye-brows enough to Work miracles with their Magick Circles Her Cheeks like two banks of fairest Flowers enrich't with sweetness like mingled Baths of Milk and Roses Her Ears those watchful Sentinels need no Jewels to Adorn them her Ears themselves being all Jewels Her Nose such where Zephyrus delights to sport Her Lips are melting Rubies where Love plants and gathers Kisses Her Teeth like Ivory pales which inclose a Tongue made up of sweetest Hony Her Breath comes stealingly from her as if it seemed loth to come forth from so delicious a Mansion but that it hoped to be drawn in again to that well closed Paradise Her Neck shews like a Silver Pillar more white than Towers of pollisht Ivory Her Breasts those Twins of Miracle are like two Hillocks betwixt 〈◊〉 a Thousand Cupids lie A Wast as strait and clean as Hermes Rod or Circes Wand Her Belly Natures Kitchen ●●und soft and Plump more tempting than Gold to a greedy Usures Her Thighs like soft Ivory pillars ●●●●o●●ers of that goodly frame I have already described Her Knees so well compacted that Nature therein observed her choicest Symmetry Her Legs C●pid's Columns more 〈…〉 thighs of Jove Her Feet such as with their pace do move a band of Beauties In brief 〈…〉 one as may serve for a foyl to Cupid's Mother whose very looks can turn the saddest Night to day the first and best original of all fair Copies This description of his Mistress struck the Justice's Daughter into amazement as taking her to be a piece whom Nature in the Composing had taken the choicest excellencies from divers others to make one every ways compleat but knowing Lovers are partial in the description of their Mistresses excellencies that she might be the better informed finding Ricardo alone and in a merry humor she desired him to inform her fully in the accomplishments of his Masters so celebrated Lady Ricardo who was almost weary of his Squire Errantry and perceiving that his hopes of being Governour of an Island would not amount to be Monarch of a Mole Hill and that all his Masters projects and designs were but meer Chymera's and Idle imaginations was resolved therefore to leave off this kind of Vagabonding Life and if his Master would not be perswaded to go home to leave him in pursuance of his folly being therefore fearless of his displeasure he thought to give the Gentlewoman a more Comical but truer description of this Lady of perfections which he performed in this manner To begin with her upper parts Her hair said he hangs down her neck like crawling Snakes curiously pleated into Elf-Locks Her Forehead like a piece of new-furrowed Land or like the parched Earth in the heat of Dog-days Her Eyes like two Mill-pits continually running over on either side of which hangs two Souses or Ears of such a prodigious greatness that were they cut off and Tann'd would serve a Cobler a Month for Clouting Leather Her Cheeks are like two shrimpled skins of parchment and her Nose comparable to that in the picture of Mother Shipton Her Mouth opens and shuts like a Carriers Pouch and her Teeth are like to an old Park-Pale Her Lips resemble those of the Hogs-Fac'd Gentlewoman and her Tongue sounds as loud as Bow-Bell As for her breath I must crave the help of the Poet to describe it But for her Breath Spectators come not nigh It lays about God bless the Company One Kiss and eighteen Words of her alone Put down the Spanish Inquisition Thrice blessed we quoth I when I think on The former days of persecution For were it free to kill this griesely Elf Would Martyrs make in compass of her self And were she not prevented by our Prayer By this time she corrupted had the Air The Man in the Bears-skin baited to Death Would choose the Dogs much rather than her Breath Then for her Neck it is like a pair of Stairs up to a Belfry and her shoulders able to bear the biggest Jest that can be put upon them Her Dugs are like two ore-worn Foot-Balls and her sides resembling the planks of a Cheese-press Her Wast would waste half an hours time to go about it being tall and slender as a Windmill-Post Her Belly is like to the Tun at Heidleburge and her Buttocks and Thighs correspondent thereunto In brief she is one made up of Natures most deformities a natural Vizard like a Winters Apple shrunk up together and half rotten The young Gentlewoman laughed very heartily at Ricardo's description of this Lady Errant and thought it might be more Consonant to the truth than