of carnall affections And this my request is to obteine for without thy speciall grace wee shall neither leade a good life in this world nor liue eternalie in the life to come And whereas I now liue in the bodie it is no ioie to mee for better it were for mee to die than to liue because through this life I am debarred the farder from eternall life which cannot come vnlesse that death doo destroie the life present yea and death also it selfe bee destroied Hence it is that my desire is to heauen-ward and mine heart seeking eternall rest fetcheth deepe sighes and crieth It is now enough Lord take awaie my soule which thou hast redeemed with thy pretious blood Open to mee the gate of thy kingdome and let in a poore pilgrime returning vnto thee from exile Listen to mee Lord and loase me from the band of the bodie What should I longer doo heere I am good neither to my selfe nor to others Whie then doo I liue To my selfe I am burdensome to others troblesome What shall become of mee I wot not Lord whether thou hast foreseene anie better thing of me wherefore my longing should bee lingred I doo allow thine ordinance because it is good but in mee onlie I finde the euill whie it greeueth and troobleth mee to liue in the world For dailie I doo sinne I heape sinne vpon sinne and yet as I ought I repent not If therefore I were loased from this bodie of sinne and coopled to thee in heauen neither should I offend anie more nor thou bee offended but be praised continuallie Notwithstanding as yet thou bearest with mee and showest all patience I know my fault because through my sinnes I maie not enter into thy kingdome For none vncleane thing shall enter thereinto But when shall I be without sinne When shall I throughlie be cleansed that I maie not feare to bee prohibited but reioice rather to bee let in If I goe not forward more zealouslie nor bee more carefull than hetherto I haue bin I am affraide mine hope will be little enough But Lord thou which wilt that no man should perish but that all should bee saued grant mee more grace to the amendment of my life and to hope for celestiall blessings giue mee the spirit of inward fatnes Let not mine heart heere reioice after the flesh but in fearing let it expect for death Let no care or creature hold mee back but let thy desired presence drawe and comfort mee Blessed is the man which trusteth in thee ô Lord but more blessed is hee that is passed out of this wicked world for he shall no more either feele or feare anie trooble ⸪ CHAP. 7. 1. A godlie desire for a good death O Lord thou art mine hope euen fro my youth In this hope I flie vnto thee vntill the last houre and time of my resolution shall come Oah that I were so well prepared that I might euen now die vnder the hope of grace Oah that I had ended this life with an happie departure and laide off the loade of this bodie how manie dangers and feares had I then escaped Happie is the man whome thou hast chosen and taken vp who is now gone out of this world vnto the father from banishment vnto a kingdome from the prison vnto the palace from darkenes vnto light from death vnto life vnto securitie from dangers from labor vnto rest and from all manner miseries vnto euerlasting felicitie Happie is the soule that now enioieth her reward triumphing in thee her Lord But alas that my contrie is so long kept fro mee How gratiouslie and mercifullie shouldest thou deale with mee if quicklie I were called awaie and bidden to come vnto thee that where thou art I might be also Oah that I had bin taken out of this world before euer I had knowen the filthines of the same and before I was affraide to offend euen in small things how happie then had I bin But now the longer heere I liue the more I wander from thee and doo sinne in too too manie things Wo is mee what haue I doone Alas I haue folowed the desires of the flesh and haue drawen vanitie to my selfe with roapes but godlines I haue abandoned abhorred innocencie and added sinne vnto sinne so that now to my griefe I finde that true which I haue sometime read Woe be to the wicked it shall be euill with him Too too late almost I haue returned vnto my God yea verie late it was eare I began to amend and then too but slowlie went I on I was not zealous enough in my proceeding I did not encrease in zeale but which is woorser I waxed cooler and cooler Hence it was that manie times I was verie loath to die because my guiltie conscience still tolde mee I had not liued as I should haue doone Notwithstanding in consideration of the dangerous temptations wherevnto I am subiect and that my sinnes might not encrease manie a time haue I wished for death and into these woordes haue I burst sayeng Oah that now God in mercie would take mee out of this world that I might sinne no more vpon earth Oh that God speedelie would vouchsafe to take mee awaie and make an ende of my labors in what an happie state should I then bee But Lord all things must bee euen as thou wilt If thou minde to doo that which I require it shall forth-with bee accomplished but if otherwise thy will bee doon I maie vtter out my desire and the miserie which I endure not as to him which is ignorant thereof but that thereby I may finde some comfort to my soule I knowe I am not yet readie as I ought to bee for my conscience is greatlie out of quiet And what maruell though I a sinner doo stand in feare seeing manie euen of the holie fathers were affraide because thou iudgest not as man dooth But how shall I prepare my selfe It were good for mee to prepare my selfe against that time which may come this daie before to morow for anie thing I knowe Therefore I will more firmelie alter my purpose I will bewaile all my negligences passed I will sacrifice my selfe to thee and wholie and henceforth commend my selfe vnto thy mercie ô Lord. O Lord my God all my works doo stand at thy mercie and without thy mercie I haue no merits And this is mine hope this is all my trust But how fareth it with a good and pure conscience What saith the chaste and deuoute soule Come saith she Lord Iesus ô come and tarie not vntie my sinnes loase my fetters bring me out of prison out of the lake of miserie and mirie claie I haue waited patientlie for thee ô Lord incline to mee and heare my crie Leaue mee not anie longer in this wicked world Let it content thee that hetherto I haue striuen that so long I haue bin
as to be accepted into thine holie warfare Thou canst ô almightie and all mercifull God who hast of nothing created mee and foreseest the fall and infirmitie of man thou art able I saie and that thou wilt I beseech thee forgiue the sins which I haue committed supplie what I haue omitted restore what I haue lost heale what is sick cleanse what is vncleane lighten what is darke assuage that which swelleth inflame what is quenched repaire that is broken recouer that is neglected amende what is awrie make plaine what is rouged restraine what is curious call home that which wandereth place what is out of order yea and alter the whole state of my minde that nothing be wanting to my former purpose and let all occasion of euill worke for the best vnto mee I moste humblie desire thee This change is made by the right hand of God this is God his visitation this is the manifolde conference of the diuine goodnes In steede of all thankes accept the deuoute seruice of thine holie Church where-so-euer with the sweete praises of the whole courte of heauen And let all the sanctes from the beginning of the world which thorough thy grace haue bin enlightened and called yea and all the faithfull and Christian people which either be in the world or haue bin afore vs or shall liue hereafter let them I saie together celebrate and praise thy all sweete and glorious name which is aboue all names to be blessed Let them repeate againe and againe with greate ioie repeate all praises dulie and deseruedlie to be saide of thy name and that so manie times as there be either in the heauen stars or in the sea fishes or in the earth cornes or in the Bible letters And all this being doon yet must I saie theie haue not praised thy name sufficientlie the which I desire to commende euen to the vttermost of my strength and by all meanes to extoll vntill I attaine vnto those praises which now cannot be expressed by the voice of mortall men So that thou seest now my Soule the greatenes and the excellencie of God thy creator and redeemer his benefits the which no creature nor all creatures may recompense whome hee hath made vnto the praise and glorie of his eternall and blessed name who needeth no glorie but is alone all sufficient for himselfe hee that is what he is is his owne glorie The number of his benefits was so greate that I could not place them all before thine eies and therefore of a greate manie I choase three pretious giftes euen as the Wisemen did which were about to offer to the Lord wherein I thought good to comprehend the rest For euerie benefit of God if you marke well is either of nature or of grace or of superexcellencie and whatsoeuer else is maie fullie bee referred vnto one of these three kindes In the Creation you haue the benefit of nature in the Redemption the benefit of superexcellencie in our Iustification note the benefit of grace For all which and for euerie of them glorie be to thee ô sacred Trinitie one equall deitie both before all worldes nowe and for euermore Amen The ende of the fourth Booke A Table of the contents of euery Chapter conteined in this Booke ALonging of the Soule after God The incomprehensible maiestie of the Lord. An exhortation to the loue of God Chapter 1. Page 1 Of God his distinct iudgement at the ende of this world The cursed state of the vngodlie Chapter 2. Page 14 An humble confession of sinns with a Praier for grace to repent Chap. 3. Pag. 19 A lamentation of the Soule for her weakenesse and vnstaiednes in the race of virtue Chap. 4. Pag. 25 Of the shortnes and miserie of this present life A praier for grace to renounce the world and the vanities of the same Chap. 5. Pag. 30 An ardent desire of the Soule to be loosed from 〈◊〉 and from the trouâ—â—◠〈…〉 this world Chapter 6. 〈◊〉 37 A godlie desire for a good death Chap. 7. Pag. 44 A meditation of one dead vnto the world yet aliue in Christ. Chapter 8. Pag. 51 A desire of the Soule that no earthlie creature may carrie her awaie vnto vanitie Chap 9. Pag. 59. A comparison betweene earthlie and heauenlie ioies with a praier for grace to contemne this transitorie world Chap. 10. Pag 63 That all comfort and pleasures are in God A praier that all people maie glorifie the Lord. The blessed state of good men That we are to be readie against the comming of our Sauiour Christ. Chap. 11. Pag. 71 The desire of the Soule after God The properties of God by the sundrie titles ascribed vnto him None commeth vnto God vnlesse God draweth him Chap. 12. Pag 80 How and when the Soule and God are vnited together The miserie where God is not present Chap. 13. Page 92 A lamentation of the Soule for the want of grace Chapter 14. Page 101 Touching the fruite of freendship The benefits of Christ vpon man The true felicitie and ioie of the Soule The affinitie betweene Christ and the Soule of man Chapter 15. Page 107 The more wee loue Christ the more we maie Tentation and when Happines of the life to come How to beare affliction Chapter 16. Page 118 The maiestie and omnipotencie of God How and whie the Lord afflicteth his children Chapter 17. Page 133 The confidence of a true Christian. God iustifieth the vngodlie Giueth whatsoeuer good is to man Will haue no man to despeire but that all sinners should flie vnto his mercie Chap. 18. Pag. 147 The desire of a Christian Soule is neuer satisfied till God bee enioied No comfort anie whit comparable to the spirituall ioie Chapter 19. Page 156 A complaint of the Soule for the want of her blessed state What weeping pleaseth God Who trulie blessed A description of God Chap. 20. Page 162 The delaieng of the happie is patientlie to be borne The felicitie of the life to come with a praier for the same Chap. 21. Pag. 171 A godlie meditation concerning the accesse vnto the holie of holies euen Iesus Christ the king of angels godlie petitions for the forgiuenes of sins Chap. 22. Pag. 180 A godlie praier and commendation of our Sauior Christ. Chapter 23. Page 187 A Praier for comfort vnto Iesus Christ. Chap. 24. Pag. 194 That for God his benefits we are to thanke him Chap. 25. Pag. 202 FINIS ⧠AT LONDON Printed by Richarde Yardley and Peter Short dwelling at the nether ende of Bredstreete at the Signe of the Star 1592 a Psal 73 verse 28. b Psal. 73 28 c Luk. 18 19 d Math. 6 21 Coloss. 3 1. 2 e Phil. 4 7 f 1. Iohn 2 16 g Rom 8 35 36 c. 1. Cor 13 4 5 c. h Psa. 73 25 MAN SOVLE MAN i Psal. 26 8. SOVLE k Psal. 94 8 9 10 Psal 119 12 l Psal. 94 12 m Iam. 4 6 n Mat. 11. 25 o 1. Cor.
molested thy seruants struken with an horrible feare Then shall they vtterlie bee confounded which laying a good conscience and honestie aside gaue themselues to vanitie and wantonnes They shal suffer punishment then which haue loosed the bridle vnto the flesh Then shall they roare towardes heauen which now are cunning in vaine musick and daunces Then shall that bee turned into moorning which hath bin contracted by inordinate pleasure They shall be bound vp in bundles together to be burned then which haue bin companions together at dronkennes and bellie-cheere And whome loue hath bound in wickednes the reuenging fire shall roule together in torments O yee foolish and wretched ô yee frantike and blinde louers of the world what doo yee what is your meaning how will yee escape the vengeance of the Lord Why for a little pleasure which you doo loue doo yee hasten vnto euerlasting torments Whie feare yee not hell which doo so feare a little penance And you which flie the death of the flesh whie aforehand doo yee not take heed of the eternall death of the soule Vnlesse therefore yee doo conuert and repent yee shall neuer escape these horrible and firie torments of Gods displeasure When I consider the daie and houre of the generall iudgement my bones doo shake for feare because entreatie then shall not turne awaie the wrath of God but hee will be a righteous iudge to all O God most holie mightie and mercifull Sauiour saue mee from that bitter death and giue mee grace to repent that I may vnfeinedlie bewaile my sinnes before I departe our of this present world ⸫ CHAP. 3. 1. An humble confession of sins 2. with a Praier for grace to repent MY sorowe is euer before mee O my God foulie haue I spotted my life with manifold sinnes but Lord behold my teares which I shead before thee because I haue so much offended thine holines For I know that in mee that is in my flesh dwelleth no good thing and that so long as I carrie about a mortall bodie I am not free from wickednes I therefore doo sinne and offend daie by daie and which is more lamentable I suffer manie sinnes to passe awaie without sorow and due repentance For being busie most commonlie and encombred with affaires of the world and vane curiousnes I am not able so speedelie to returne vnto wholesome teares Whereof it is that the darkenes of sinne doth encrease so mightelie against mee the which both stop vp the fountaines of grace hinder the streames of heauenlie comfort from comming vnto mee LORD And is that a small offence SOVLE No my God it is a great sinne and so much the greater as it passeth the sooner from the heart and doth not prick mee with sorrowe But Lord wilt thou not regard this my wicked dealing How long shall I delude thee and thus deceiue my selfe Wilt thou alwaie be silent where is thy rod where is thy spur where is thy wand O Lorde why doost thou withdrawe thy iudgement and the paines of hell fro mine eies Were these things alwaies in my remembrance could I bee so retchlesse Thy silence and patience is for mine amendment but if I still bee negligent wilt thou not then punish mee seuerelie Surelie thou wilt punish mee if not in this world yet in the world to come For nothing shall passe awaie vnreuenged neither small neither great offence But much better heere in this world where both weeping is profitable the paine is short the satisfaction more accepted and reconcilement sooner had And therefore spare not the rod but with a sharpe water annoint mine eies and reserue not my sinnes vntill the time to come least then I bee deliuered vnto the tormenters vntill I haue paide the vtmost farthing Better is it nowe a little for my profit to be pricked than hereafter to feele the bitter paines of hell fire Wherefore I am to mourne and to conceaue a great sorowe for my sinnes For manie things I haue to bewaile but no cause at all to laugh The darkenesse of mine hart the slipperines of my conscience my proanesse vnto wickednes my want of grace doo wish mee yea rather of necessitie doo enforce mee to weepe and to lament Furthermore the remembrance of manifold temptations and of assaults to sinne should make me haue little lust to be merrie Spare mee ô Lord spare mee For though I weepe beeing touched inwardlie with sorow it is no maruell because the time is now to weepe O happie is the houre when I conceaue sorow for my sinnes Blessed are the teares which doo flowe from the griefe of heart at the consideration of the foulenes of a guiltie conscience And who is able to sound the bottom of this depth and to reprooue the hidden filthines without feeling O my God the true light thou canst lighten all the obscure places of mine heart yea and burne vp all the spots thereof in the spirit of heate and iudgement It is in thee to giue a newe heart to create a new spirit and there to prepare a secret habitation that it may bee a place for thee to rest in and a tabernacle of thy name which art the louer of cleanes and the ghest of the good conscience But forsomuch as willinglie thou doost not visit a disordered house but commonlie leauest the same to bee illuded with beastlie affections I am the more carefull least that betide mee But helpe mee ô mercifull and gratious God to repare the ruins of this mine house Woe to him from whome thou departest awaie offended But peace to him vnto whome thou descendest and with whome thou abidest I miserable wretch now placed in the middes of snares and loaden with the shacles of wickednes what counsell is best for mee or what remedie to be vsed but onelie to lift vp mine heauie eies vnto thee that my crie may be heard in the heauens For a polluted conscience shall neuer finde or haue a better medicine than bitterlie to slaie it selfe in praier And how can extreeme tentation more profitablie bee cured that it preuaile not than by powring continuall petitions vnto thee and by humbling our selues But who can giue mee these blessings I meane to praie and to weepe as I ought to doo Where may I attaine that humilitie and abundance of teares Doubtlesse of thee Lord with whome is mercie and great redemption O Lord my God the giuer of all grace grant that I maie as I am bound bewaile mine offenses seeme they neuer so small and to amend all without vaine excuses aswell those offences which are secret as those that are well knowen Let this mine hartie repentance get mee thy fauor againe and prepare vnto well doing and to that which tendeth vnto saluation CHAP. 4. 1. A lamentation of the soule for her weakenesse and vnstaiednes in the race of virtue THine eies did see mee when I was without forme O Lord my GOD
drunke thereof the sharper shall his torments bee because the whole pleasure of this world shall more speedelie passe awaie than the winde and leaue to their louers paines and burnings Therefore out of my sight thou deceiptfull glorie of the world and all foolish pleasure of the flesh Manie you doo drawe and deceiue but in the ende you leaue and destroie them Woe to them which beleeue thee woe to them which be there drowned But come and come nigh mee most holie humilitie and the full renouncing of all worldlie pompes and neuer doo thou leaue mee ô thou sweete remembrance of my present pilgrimage What am I but ashes and earth and whether tende I but towardes earth Oah how wretched am I become how iustlie maie I lament when I thinke vpon my pilgrimage and how little I am priuie how I shall ende the same If I liue well and continue so there is no cause whie I should feare an euill death But who can glorie of a good life and of a pure conscience Hee which knoweth himselfe to be such a one let him reioice in the Lord and take compassion vpon mee a sinner To liue I haue no desire because miserie enuironeth mee on euerie side to die an euill conscience is affraide for to answeare God it hath not one for a thousand The Prophet was not so in a feare which said Mine heart is prepared ô God mine heart is prepared O Lord the God of my saluation let my life come vnto a good ende and prolong not the daies of my lamentation With sorowe I came into this prison and without griefe I shall not get out S. Long doo I thinke this life and the rather because of the continuall miserie and troubles which I finde therein but in truth it is not long for it passeth awaie more swiftlie than a Poste To a man that liueth in paine and miserie all time is long and hee compteth a daie for a yeere This maketh my life tedious vnto mee and so much the more it dooth trouble mee as the more trulie I consider all the miseries of the same But if happelie anie consolations and ioie come betweene it standeth mee vpon to looke about whether they bee of God or no If they beâ— of God I accept them gladlie but yet I knowe not how long they will continue yet howe shorte soeuer they bee they like and please mee well But would to God hee would powre them largelie vpon mee and cause them to continue with mee a long while But the ioies and pleasures which are not of God are vile and vading albe to the showe they appeare sweete and pleasant Thus euen thus passeth awaie this life replenished continuallie both with good and euill things Therefore so long as I liue in this world I am a poore pilgrime I cannot trulie saie I haue enough because presentlie there is saâ—ietie of no good thing but the good thing which I looke for thou art in whome I beleeue So that when thy glorie hath appeared and replenished mee then euen then I will acknowledge that I haue enough But in the meane while because this word is hidden fro mee much griefe and sorowe dooth enuiron my soule And therefore beeing mindfull of thine holie saieng I repeate this often-times My soule is verie heauie euen vnto the death Well were it with mee if this houre were come and that neither griefe nor sorowe did possesse mee But Lord I beseech thee let thy goodnes conserue mee CHAP. 6. 1. An ardent desire of the soule to bee loosed from sinne and from the troubles of this world BRing my soule out of prison The greatnes of my sorowe will not suffer mee to bee still For whie doo I yet liue in this world I knowe not what I can doo heere Slowlie God hee knoweth I go forward in virtue naie would to God I went not backward O Lord what a pleasure shouldest thou doo mee if speedelie thou wouldest take mee out of this life that a woorser thing come not vnto mee My life alas sigheth in paine and in weldoing amendeth not If thou looke for my conuersion I repent not by the same but doo abuse thy long sufâ—ering if thou punish mee I doo â—ardlie show patience because thou pursuest drie stuble Whie then doost thou not quite take awaie thy seruant Whie doo I liue vpon the earth that is whie doo I dwell among good people and yet reforme not my life and manners Whie so vnwoorthelie and dangerouslie keepe I the place of some better person and yet walke so careleslie and so coldlie in this life Thus powre I out this wofull thing which I consider of in the eares of my God Yet gratious Lord crie not out in thine anger against me Cut downe the tree and cast it into the fire I accuse mine infirmitie before thee that I maie finde grace in thy sight through my confession It is my part to accuse but it belongeth vnto thee to show mercie It is my part to weepe and to sigh bitterlie but it belongeth vnto thee Lord mercifullie to comfort Wherefore my Lord and God either giue mee more grace in this life or take me speedelie out of this world that the rent bee not woorser For to liue long and not to cesse from ill liuing is but to augment the punishment of hell Neither can I awaie with such a life as knoweth neither how to proceede in virtue nor to bewaile wickednes For that partie which leadeth an holie and righteous life is greeued at the heart whensoeuer hee offendeth and that he maie in grace and virtue encrease more and more it is alwaies his desire What shall hee doo which knoweth himselfe dailie to offend and that his flesh greeuouslie dooth rise against the spirit who also beeing ouercome with tediousnes sometime and cooled with negligence and idlenesse dooth giue ouer to resist or else laieng aside the spirituall weapons dooth folow the swing of the flesh whether his owne wil dooth drawe him Alas Lord and God such a one alas draweth nigh vnto the gates of death and liuing in the flesh runneth into the death of the soule Oah how is euerie one to take heede that hee bee not seduced and supplanted of the enimie No man is suâ— from temptation no man is pure from sinne but all the sort of vs are fraile But Lord thou which art almightie and knowest all things raise vp the broken in heart and clense the vncleane from all filthines renue a new spirit within his bowels that all faintnes and lazenes may leaue him that spirituall zeale may returne and that thy loue may continue vnmooueable within him vnto the ende For he onlie wanteth thine assistance who is peâ—sed downe with his owne waight neither is hee able to cast off the loade of sinne vntill thou sende strength from heauen of power to loase the hard fetters
that Manna is come downe from heauen And hee which ministreth true bread from heauen doth giue also a good vnderstanding to the taster that hee maie knowe how euerie good giuing and euerie gift is from aboue and commeth downe from the father of lightes This word now saith hee is from God Without him there is nothing I haue all things from him Furthermore this spirituall man hee woondereth and lamenteth that hee so lightlie esteemeth so excellent a good thing by the which hee is not a little blessed and whie also he dooth not oftener bend his heart to heare and to see that than the which nothing is more sweete and blessed to be desired And would to God hence-forth I might thus doo For this exceedinglie dooth delight mee and more will delight mee the more I giue my selfe vnto these meditations Oah that my beloued would come into mine heart that I might taste the sweetnes of his apples Oah that hee would decline vnto mee and showe himselfe to mee and mee to himselfe Hee is my felicitie and mine onlie delight Now begin I to couet and desire and greatlie to loue this good thing in whome all good things are this ioie in whome is all ioie this one thing in whome are all things small and great base and hie yet nothing created but without all conceipt of man the beginning and the ende of all the good things which hee hath formed Hence it is that now and then I would thoroughlie bee replenished with this good thing and filled with that so heauenlie ioie and I couet after a sort euen to be swallowed vp and consumed vtterlie of him that mine insatiable desire might once be satisfied in such sort that nothing in mee might bee mine but his onlie whose the fire and heate of loue is whose this woonderfull worke is also that so I might the more greedilie be carried to himâ—ward and be made one spirit together with him Notwithstanding all this doth not puffe vp the godlie man or make him to thinke himselfe some-what or to despise others or to iudge inferiors for hee knoweth that whatsoeuer hee hath commeth not of himselfe but it is the free gift of God that thereby hee is not to waxe proude when hee perceaueth himselfe to be so comforted of the Lord. For hee seeketh not the praise of man he careth not for foraine fauor but hee seeketh the beloued his praise and his fauor hee onlie desireth in whome hee hath all things and shall finde more than all these things because hee preferreth his loue his sweetenes and the ioiefull enioieng of him before all transitorie things and his honor hee seeketh and sigheth for aboue all things else And therefore he cannot be proude nor boast of anie thing God hee is his glorie his praise and his comfort God euen hee is his true and perfect ioie his soueraigne and sole happines all his desire and perfection And which more is hee would haue others also thus to reioice with him and to enioie such felicitie without ende both in this world and in heauen too For this is his desire and praier that God would reueale himselfe to all men and that hee would vouchsafe to conuert and drawe all vnto him that he alone might be praised and glorified for hee is both loue it selfe and such a fountaine of loue as neuer can be drawen drie For hee dooth more loue all men than all men set together can loue him Notwithstanding it liketh him well if anie man haue a desire to loue him from the botome although hee cannot sounde vnto the depth For hee in louing deuoureth vanquisheth and surpasseth all CHAP. 9. A desire of the Soule that no earthlie creature maie carrie her awaie vnto vanitie BEhold I would take my flight far off and lodge in the mountaines Oah how profitable how sweete and how ioiefull a thing is it to sit solitarilie in silence to talke with God and to enioie the onlie good thing in which are all good things Would to God I were so conioined to that all simple and onlie good thing that I might be moued with none affections and distractions of transitorie things nor curiouslie fasten mine eies vpon anie creature and visible thing O wretched man that I am who shall deliuer from the bodie of this death Alas how often dieth my soule for the creatures which she loueth oah manie times she forgetteth her creator and is carried awaie for their sakes Mine vnstable minde now willeth this thing now that thing now it is heere now there seeking but not finding rest in creatures because there is no creature which can yeeld full satietie to be enioied though it hath some delectation for vse The heart of man is vnsearchable and who can knowe it O Lord thou knowest the thoughts of men that they are vane O eternall God most hie and infinite the creator and gouernor of all things I am thy creature which thou hast made by thy power Thou hast made mee that I should loue thee and gladlie would I loue thee but I cannot as I would For I am fettered with vane loue and with clammie affections of transitorie things from which while I would rid my selfe hardlie or not at all can I so doo without great paine Oah how soone would theie flie and perish if thou Christ wert sweet and didest â—auor in my nostrels Notwithstanding sometime through the sight of the minde I doo behold thine inuisible things by the creation of the world and thee also the soueraigne felicitie the true and eternall God And gladlie would I continue in these meditations but forthwith I knowe not with what winde I am blowen awaie from them and helde downe like a miser by the loue and waight of visible things Behold I firmelie doo purpose in mine hart as it were making a couenant betweene mee and thee that for thy noble and pretious loue I will neither loue nor looke vpon anie creature but will contemne all things yea my selfe and all mine but straight-waie worldlie fleshlie and familiar cogitations doo ascend into mine heart as though in them were a certaine felicitie and as though if I contemned them I were to forgo some great good thing and these beare a good countenance but they hide the wofull ende showing what is present but hiding the inconuenience that will ensue as though euerie-where and in all creatures thou art to be sought and that nothing were to be neglected or despised which hath bin made of my God and thus they withdrawe mee oftentimes fro my purpose and at the length vtterlie seduce mee Oah how vane and deceiptfull and almost nothing are thinges which now stand and florish proued to bee which flieng awaie after their sudden ioies doo leaue mee among the thornes and briars of a guiltie conscience But woe is mee Lord yea woe againe to mee because so soone I haue beleeued and
ouer mine hart which forthwith driueth out the cloudes of all wicked cogitations whereby I doo enioie the long desired cleerenes of God his light Because no vncleane nor filthie thing can stand where he entereth in for hee loueth puritie and is the ingraffer of the same so that of necessitie all satanicall illusion together with the pomps of this world must be packing Therefore my passions and tentations which I did endure being supprised I began both the more euidentlie to knowe and the more earnestlie to loue and the more hartelie to praise him for vouchsafing at the length to beate back the damned crewe of the wicked from assailing mee For theie doo disturbe my peace and sin dooth so shut vp my mouth that I am ashamed to speake vnto my welbeloued But in vaine doo theie bend themselues against his power and wisedome because euen in a moment he can slide downe into mine hart and poure in secretlie good motions that I maie both contemne and vtterlie neglect all their priuie whisperings O my faithfull and all happie freend take mee so vnto thee whensoeuer thou shalt perceaue mine affections to be either pressed downe at anie time with the waight of sin or to be held with vnnecessarie busines that I maie not wander far astraie from thee after the swarme of wicked cogitations and so ouerhastelie be depriued of thy grace without which I shall not be able to enioie thy freendship For thou art my Lord and my God which by thy word doost both heale and sanctifie which holdest my soule in life and sufferest not my feete to slip but deliuerest mee from the euill daie and from the snares of death Oah how manie haue bin cast off and vtterlie perished that haue bin much more innocent than I am And therefore my soule praise thou the Lord and all that is within mee blesse his holie Name My soule I saie praise thou the Lord and forget not all his benefits It is all too little and far vnsufficient whatsoeuer thou shalt either thinke or speake or promise to his praise For hee exceedeth all praise and is much sweeter than anie musick Wherefore my soule cleaueth to thee alone and loueth thee aboue all other gifts notwithstanding it be exceedinglie beutifull and sweete which of meere good will thou hast sent vnto mee For thou alone art the spouse as for all things else theie are gifts and arguments of loue In steed of thee I will not loue them neither will I beleeue that anie thing or all things in the world can suffice mee if I haue not thee for in so dooing I maie perchance forgoe thee with them too Thou giuest me leaue to vse manie things for thy sake but I maie not enioie so much as one thing in thy steed And therefore ô Christ my sweete spouse I haue preferred thee afore all other things and my care hath bin aboue all things to loue thee Wherefore grant that blessedlie I maie enioie thee and in that vnion euerlastinglie to triumph in happines together with thee But how far am I come I haue lengthened my speech more than perhaps you would But pardon me good freend For I haue bin carried aloft through the loue of mine especiall and onlie freend and would to God it would please him still to lift vp both mee and you too in contemplation Let him prouide an heauenlie ascension but let vs not keepe a base going downe M. Aske you mee whether I am forsaken at anie time of my beloued S. Yea I saie so M. But how doo you behaue your selfe in trooble S. I take all things as patientlie as I can expecting his comming Naturalie I am grieued but as touching my spirit I haue inward patience that my griefe prooue not incurable For I forget not how hee that loueth liueth in paine I liue by faith I beleeue the holie Scriptures I giue credit to the words of comfort And although I endure affliction yet I doubt not neither in deede ought I to doubt but that God when it pleaseth him can send mee ease For true and to be credited are those woordes which are declared Because the verie sancts themselues haue bin exercised in manie and proued in like things Nature continuallie dooth wish for quietnes and seeketh to be comforted in some thing but the spirit notwithstanding is readie to sustaine whatsoeuer the wil of God is I should endure If therefore I shall be lesse zelous and lesse willing to doo good my punishment shall be the more greuous Though he slaie me saith the wiseman yet will I trust in him If I loue virtues patience is a great virtue therefore let patience euermore bee retained For the more praise we purchase the more paines we take in bringing things to passe And that our virtue maie be proued and made the more glorious we are commonlie exercised by contrarie euents Therefore whensoeuer anie such triall shal happen be not out of hart neither fall downe but reteine thou patience and extoll the righteousnes of God The Lord is not so hard and pittilesse that he can suffer you to abide long vncomforted Onlie haue a care that you neither lament immoderatlie nor yet murmur against the righteous and iust God because you are forsaken least the wicked spirit doo send vnto you more greeuous tentations of your faith whereby being ouerfearefull you shall extreemelie bee afflicted Wherefore beare a little and suppresse your sorowe although the griefe both of your hart and bodie be neuer so great Abide constant in that good purpose which at the first you intended to keepe For it is good especiallie at such an extremitie to cast all confidence vpon the beloued Looke thou patientlie for God his heauenlie comfort so shall you speedelie perceaue a speciall fauor and sight of God Lo you haue a faithfull witnesse saieng I waited patientlie for the Lord and hee inclined vnto mee and heard my crie And that in your neede you maie finde the like fauor I doo wish you both earnestlie to praie your selfe and desire others to praie for you also and so commit your selfe wholie and is priuie vnto the things to come Euen I the Lord which haue doon all things in measure number and weight I am the creator both of heauen and earth the ruler of this world the knower of hidden things the reuealer of secrets the possessor of the whole world and the beholder of the causes of all particulars I am God and change not who haue continuallie with me the causes of all changes in the world I am God the almightie whose power is inuincible I am God the most high whose highnes can not bee attained I am God the most righteous whose beeing can not be conceaued I am for my presence euerie-where and yet no where to be seene I am the most spirituall and farthest from the senses of man I
presence I will bewaile thine absence because euen this is a token of loue and a great pleasure to the louing soule Now then the sense of this sentence appeareth Because it is rightlie said of the louing soule how the more feruentlie she loueth and the more earnestlie she longeth after eternall things the more trulie she feeleth the power thereof working within her Theie are not cold woords but to the vnkinde soule neither deafe organs but to the hardened hart The louing and zelous soule knoweth this well and is so often inflamed in hart as she is pricked with the desire of eternall peace And therefore shee speaketh to thee her Lord God not to men of whome she would not be knowen And although sometime she talketh with men yet that which theie heare is to the outward sense But whatsoeuer she saith to thee it is to the verie soule and rather by sighing of the hart than by sounding words Lo saith she in peace is my most bitter bitternes As if she said After that of thy goodnes I returned vnto the peace of minde the transitorie state of the world began to be still more grieuous vnto mee For I see in this peace how far I am separated from the soueraigne peace And in deede beeing first busied with earthlie desires and mooued with diuers passions I was greatlie hindered from spirituall cogitations and so from heauenlie contemplation after which I should haue much longed but that could I least of all doo because through slothfulnes I did forgo all sense of inward sorowe But nowe seeing the troobles of idle thoughts are taken awaie I doo somewhat rest in the peace of conscience and am drawen vnto heauenlie matters with mine whole hart and I do more lament that I do not enioie the good things of God than erst I did moorne being vexed with the troobles of this world So that it is bitternes to my soule euen to liue in this world and to go vnder the heauie burden of sin But it is bitterest of all when somuch as I maie all mine affections being gathered together I doo enioie now the good things of the hart and bend my selfe euen with hartie zeale toward the armes of eternall peace and yet maie not attaine thereunto because of the bonds of my mortall state And this makes mee euen with griefe of hart to crie vnto thee and to saie O wretched man that I am who shall deliuer mee from the bodie of this death There is none so greuous a burden vnto me as stil to wander frō thee by liuing in the world for laboring in loue I wish for no comfort beside thee For by good experience I haue long sithence learned that my soule can neither be satisfied with the good things of this world nor yet be blessed vntill she be ioined vnto thee in the celestiall habitation For as exceedinglie she doth loue burne and vse contemplation while she is in the bodie so will her desire be insatiable vntill the bodie be laide off And therefore her ende must be made perfect by attaining the souereigne felicitie and the light of thy countenance O King of heauen so amiable in all respects ô my all louelie beloued euen wholie to be desired when wilt thou fill mee with the light of thy countenance when wilt thou satisfie my longing with the well of life My soule hath much thirsted after thee and greatlie will be troobled vntill she attaine thee Liuing in the world and not seeing thee I can take no comfort of whatsoeuer I beholde so greatelie dooth zeale waxe hot that not once but often I breake into these words When shall I come and appeere before the face of my God And this loue of mine cesseth not but encreaseth more and more in such sort that I am driuen euen to weepe night and daie while continuallie I doo thinke with my selfe Where is now my God For it is a comfort to the louing soule to weepe for thy sake while she must want her desire and still expect thy comming And these teares doo more feede and refresh the louing soule than if she enioied all the things of this world For did she loue them she would not weepe for thee Oah how blessed and pleasing to thee is the sheading of such teares For theie doo both kill the desires of secular and temporall ioies and also theie obteine the celestiall consolation And therefore none doo shed such holie teares but theie which are both singularlie in loue and verie notablie religious Far of another kinde be the teares of such as miserablie be troobled in this world For one man weepeth because he is sick another for that he is oppressed another because he is iniured another because his minde is contraried but it is thou religious soule onlie which powrest forth teares euen of pure loue to thy Sauior-ward as for temporall damage and worldlie causes theie trooble thee not for thou submittest thy selfe to the righteous iudgement of God and art thankefull And for so dooing let no worldlie creature iudge thee either foolish or impatient because thy teares doo not greeue but comfort theie doo not blur the face but wash it theie hurt not the eies but theie purifie the sight of the minde Howbeit let others conceaue heereof as theie will I cannot but thinke otherwise than well of you for I doo wish to drinke deep of such teares S. If you wish to weepe with mee then maie you bee comforted with mee Oah that your soule were as I am you could neuer forget what I doo feele I knowe whome I credit and sure I am it is a more easie thing to denie that there is anie heauen and earth than that there is a God And I knowe also hee is my full happines and that I shall neuer bee blessed vntill I haue an absolute sight of his maiestie Whose sight because it is not yet granted me nor alwaies assured me doth make me to lamēt inasmuch as I am depriued of happines wrapped in the darknes of this life and downpeised with the waight of mine owne infirmitie that I am not of power to suffer that wonderfull light and that whatsoeuer I do think cōcerning the glorie of heauen is so litle and ouershadowed as it were with a cloude Hence it is that I dooble my complaint in steede of a song and while theie still saie vnto mee Where is thy God my spirit is the more troobled For thus I thinke then Where is my felicitie where is the full ioie of mine hart where is my true peace and reste Where be all the good things that are vnspeakeable but onlie in my God And when shall I enioie them vnlesse I be ioined vnto him hauing nothing betweene Yea when shall I there bee I knowe not but I beleeue well I doo hope well but yet I haue not Whie then where is my God whome I loue so and yet I see him not Through whose loue I