good at Whoring and Drinking you 'd best carry your Nephew Sir Charles Meriwill to Church he wants a little Documentizing that way Sir Anth. Hum You keep your old wont still a man can begin no discourse to you be it of Prester Iohn but you still conclude with my Nephew Sir Tim. Good Lord Sir Anthony you need not be so purty what I say is the Discourse of the whole City how lavishly you let him live and give ill Examples to all young Heirs Sir Anth. The City the City 's a grumbling lying dissatisfi'd City and no wise or honest man regards what it says Do you or any of the City stand bound to his Scrivener or Taylor He spends what I allow him Sir his own and you 're a Fool or Knave chuse ye whether to concern your self Sir Tim. Good lack I speak but what wiser men discourse Sir Anth. Wiser men wiser Coxcombs What they wou'd have me train my Nephew up a hopeful Youth to keep a Merchants Book or send him to chop Logick in a University and have him return an â—rrant learned Ass to simper and look demure and start at Oaths and Wenches whilst I fell his Woods and grant Leases and lastly to make good what I have cozen'd him of force him to marry Mrs. Crump the ill-favour'd Daughter of some Right Worshipful A Pox of all such Guardians Sir Tim. Do countenance Sin and Expences do Sir Anth. What sin what expences He wears good Cloaths why Trades-men get the more-by him he keeps his Coach 't is for his ease a Mistriss 't is for his pleasure he games 't is for his diversion And where 's the harm of this is there ought else you can accuse him with Sir Tim. Yes a Pox upon him he 's my Rival too aside Why then I 'll tell you Sir he loves a Lady Sir Anth. If that be a sin Heaven help the Wicked Sir Tim. But I mean honourably Sir Anth. Honourably Why do you know any Infirmity in him why he shou'd not marry Angrily Sir Tim. Not I Sir Sir Anth. Not you Sir why then you 're an Ass Sir But is the Lady young and handsome Sir Tim. Aâ—e and rich too Sir Sir Anth. No matter for Money so she love the Boy Sir Tim. Love him no Sir she neither does nor shall love him Sir Anth. How Sir nor shall love him By George but she shall and lie with him too if I please Sir Sir Tim. How Sir lie with a rich City-widow and a Lady and to be married to a fine Reverend old Gentleman within a day or two Sir Anth. His name Sir his name I 'll dispatch him presently Offers to draw Sir Tim. How Sir dispatch him Your Servant Sir Offers to go Sir Anth. Hold Sir by this abrupt departure I fancy you the Boy 's Rival Come draw Draws Sir Tim. How draw Sir Sir Anth. Aye draw Sir Not my Nephew have the Widow Sir Tim. With all my soul Sir I love and honour your Nephew I his Rival alas Sir I 'm not so fond of Cuckoldom Pray Sir let me see you and Sir Charles at my house I may serve him in this business and so I take my leave Sir Draw quoth a a Pox upon him for an old Tory-rory Aside Exit Enter as from Church Lady Galliard Closet and Footman Wilding passes earelesly by her Sir Charles Meriwill following wrapt in his Cloak Sir Anth. Who 's here Charles muffled in a Cloak peering after a woman My own Boy to a hair She 's handsome too I 'll step aside for I must see the meaning on 't Goes aside L. Gall. Bless me how unconcern'd he pass'd Clos. He bow'd low Madam L. Gall. But 't was in such a fashion as exprest Indifferency much worse than Hate from Wilding Clos. Your Ladyship has us'd him ill of late yet if your Ladyship please I 'll call him back L. Gall. I 'll die first Hah he 's going Yet now I think on 't I have a Toy of his which to express my scorn I 'll give him back now this Ring Clos. Shall I carry it Madam L. Gall. You 'll not express disdain enough in the delivery and you may call him back Clos. goes to Wild. Sir Char. By Heaven she 's fond of him Aside Wild. Oh Mrs. Closet is it you Madam your Servant By this disdain I fear your Woman Madam has mistaken her Man Wou'd your Ladyship speak with me L. Gall. Yes But what the God of Love instruct me Aside Wild. Command me quickly Madam for I have business L. Gall. Nay then I cannot be discreet in Love Aside Your business once was Love nor had no idle hours To throw away on any other thought You lov'd as if you 'd had no other Faculties As if you 'd meant to gain Eternal Bliss By that Devotion onely And see how now you 're chang'd Wild. Not I by Heaven 't is you are onely chang'd I thought you 'd love me too curse on the dull mistake But when I beg'd to reap the mighty Joy That Mutual Love affords You turn'd me off for Honour That nothing fram'd by some old sullen Maid That wanted Charms to kindle flames when young Sir Anth. By George he 's i' th' right Aside Sir Char. Death can she hear this Language Aside L. Gall. How dare you name this to me any more Have you forgot my Fortune and my Youth My Quality and Fame Wild. No by Heaven all these increase my Flame L. Gall. Perhaps they might but yet I wonder where You got the boldness to approach me with it Wild. Faith Madam from your own encouragement L. Gall. From mine Heavens what contempt is this Wild. When first I paid my Vows good Heaven forgive me They were for Honour all But wiser you thanks to your Mothers care too Knowing my Fortune an uncertain hope My Life of scandal and my lewd Opinion Forbid my Wish that way 'T was kindly urg'd You cou'd not then forbid my Passion too Nor did I ever from your Lips or Eyes Receive the cruel sentence of my Death Sir Anth. Gad a fine fellow this L. Gall. To save my life I wou'd not marry thee Wild. That 's kindly said But to save mine thou 't do a kinder thing I know thou wo't L. Gall. What yield my Honour up And after find it sacrific'd anew And made the scorn of a triumphing Wife Sir Anth. Gad she 's i' th' right too a noble Girl I 'll warrant her L. Gall. But you disdain to satisfie those fears And like a proud and haughty Conqueror Demand the Town without the least Conditions Sir Char. By Heaven she yields apace Aside Sir Anth. Pox on 't wou'd I 'd ne'er seen her now have I a Legend of small Cupids at Hot-cockles in my heart Wild. Now am I pawsing on that word Conditions Thou sayst thou wou'dst not have me marry thee That is as if I lov'd thee for thy Eyes And put 'em out to hate thee Or like our Stage-smitten
should live to see weeps the sole Daughter and Heir of Sir Nicholas Gettall run away with one of the lewdest Heathens about town Charl. How your Friend Mr. Wilding a Heathen and with you too Mrs. Clacket That Friend Mr. Wilding who thought none so worthy as Mrs. Clacket to trust with so great a secret as his flight with me he a Heathen Mrs. Clack Aye and a poor Heathen too Madam ' Slife if you must marry a man to buy him Breeches marry an honest man a religious man a man that bears a Conscience and will do a woman some Reason Why here 's Mr. Fopington Madam here 's a Shape here 's a Face a Back as straight as an Arrow I 'll warrant Charl. How buy him Breeches Has Wilding then no Fortune Fop. Yes Faith Madam pretty well so so as the Dice run and now and then he lights upon a Squire or so and between fair and foul Play he makes a shift to pick a pretty Livelihood up Charl. How does his Uncle allow him no present Maintenance Fop. No nor future Hopes neither Therefore Madam I hope you will see the difference between him and a man of Parts that adores you Smiling and bowing Charl. If I find all this true you tell me I shall know how to value my self and those that love me This may be yet a Rascal Enter Maid Maid Mistriss Mr. Wilding's below Exit Fop. Below Oh Heavens Madam do not expose me to his lewd fury for being too zealous in your service In great disorder Charl. I will not let him know you told any thing Sir Fop. Death to be seen here would expose my Life To Clacket Mrs. Clack Here here step out upon the Sair-case and slip into my Chamber Going out returns in fright Fop. ' Owns he 's here lock the door fast let him not enter Mrs. Clack Oh Heavens I have not the Key hold it hold it fast sweet sweet Mr. Foping Oh should there be Murder done what a scandal wou'd that be to the house of a true Protestant Knocks Charl. Heavens what will he say and think to see me shut in with a man Mrs. Clack Oh I 'll say you 're sick asleep or out of humour Charl. I 'd give the world to see him Knocks Wild. Without Charlot Charlot Am I deny'd an entrance By Heaven I 'll break the door Knocks again Fop. still holding it Fop. Oh I 'm a dead man dear Clacket Knocking still Mrs. Clack Oh hold Sir Mrs. Charlot is very sick Wild. How sick and I kept from her Mrs. Clack She begs you 'll come again an hour hence Wild. Delay'd by Heaven I will have enterance Fop. Ruin'd undone for if he do not kill me he may starve me Mrs. Clack Oh he will break in upon us Hold Sir hold a little Mrs. Charlot is just-just-shifting her self Sir you will not be so uncivil as to press in I hope at such a time Charl. I have a fine time on 't between ye to have him think I am stripping my self before Mr. Fopington Let go or I 'll call out and tell him all Wild. breaks open the door and rushes in Fop. stands close up at the enterance till he is past him then venturing to slip out finds Wild. has made fast the door so he is forc'd to return again and stand close up behind Wild. with signs of fear Wild. How now Charlot what means this new unkindness What not a word Charl. There is so little Musick in my Voice you do not care to hear it you have been better entertain'd I find mightily employ'd no doubt Wild. Yes Faith and so I have Charlot Damn'd Business that Enemy to Love has made me rude Charl. Or that other Enemy to Love damn'd Wenching Wild. Wenching how ill hast thou tim'd thy Jealousie What Banker that to morrow is to pay a mighty sum wou'd venture out his stock to day in little parcels and lose his Credit by it Charl. You wou'd perfidious as you are though all your Fortune all your future Health depended on that Credit Angry Wild. So Heark ye Mrs. Clacket you have been prating I find in my absence giving me a handsome character to Charlot You hate any good thing should go by your own Nose Aside to Clacket Mrs. Clack By my Nose Mr. Wilding I defie you I 'd have you to know I scorn any good thing shou'd go by my Nose in an uncivil way Wild. I believe so Mrs. Clack Have I been the Confident to all your secrets this three years in sickness and in health for richer for poorer concealed the nature of your wicked Diseases under the honest name of Surfeits call'd your filthy Surgeons Mr. Doctor to keep up your Reputation civily receiv'd your tother end of theâ— Town young Relations at all hours Wild. High Mrs. Clack Been up with you and down with you early and late by night and by day let you in at all hours drunk and sober single and double and civilly withdrawn and modestly shut the door after me Wild. Whir The storm 's up and the Devil cannot lay it Mrs. Clack And am I thus rewarded for my pain Weeps Wild. So Tempests are allay'd by showers of Rain Mrs. Clack That I shou'd be charg'd with speaking ill of you so honest so civil a Gentleman Charl. No I have better witness of your falshood Fop. Hah 'sdeath she 'll name me Wild. What mean you my Charlot Do you not think I love you Charl. Go ask my Lady Galliard she keeps the best account of all your Sighs and Vows And robs me of my dearest softer hours Kindly to him Mrs. Clack You cannot hold from being kind to him Aside Wild. Galliard How came she by that secret of my life aside Why Aye 't is true I am there sometimes about an Arbitration about a Suit in Law about my Uncle Charl. Aye that Uncle too You swore to me you were your Uncles Heir But you perhaps may chance to get him one If the Lady prove not cruel Wild. Death and the Devil what Rascal has been prating to her Aside Charl. Whilst I am reserv'd for a dead lift if Fortune prove unkind or wicked Uncles refractory Yet I cou'd love you though you were a Slave In a soft tone to him And I were Queen of all the Universe Mrs. Clack Aye there you spoil'd all again you forget your self Charl. And all the world when he looks kindly on me But I 'll take courage and be very angry Aside Nor does your Perjuries rest here you 're equally as false to Galliard as to me false for a little Mistriss of the Town whom you 've set up in spight to Quality Angry Mrs. Clack So that was home and handsome Wild. What damn'd Informer does she keep in Pension Charl. And can you think my Fortune and my Youth Merits no better Treatment Angry How cou'd you have the heart to use me so Soft to him I fall insensibly to Love and Fondness Aside Wild. Ah my dear
of the Royal Family even down to this wicked Widow whom Heaven soon convert from her lewd designes upon my Body Pulling Sir Tim. to kneel Sir Anth. A rare Boy he shall have all my Estate Sir Tim. How the Widow a lewd designe upon his Body Nay then I am jealous Aside L. Gall. I a lewd designe upon your Body for what I wonder Sir Char. Why for villanous Matrimony L. Gall. Who I Sir Char. Who you yes you Why are those Eyes drest in inviting Love Those soft bewitching Smiles those rising Breasts And all those Charms that make you so adorable Is 't not to draw Fools into Matrimony Sir Anth. How 's that how 's that Charles at his Adorables and Charms He must have t'other Health he 'll fall to his old Dog-trot again else Come come every man his Glass Sir Timothy you are six behind Come Charles name 'em all Each take a Glass and force Sir Tim. on his knees Sir Char. Not â—ate ye an Ace Sir Come his Majesties Health and Confusion to his Enemies They go to force his mouth open to drink Sir Tim. Hold Sir hold if I must drink I must but this is very Arbitrary methinks Drinks Sir Anth. And now Sir to the Royal Duke of Albany Musick play a Scotch Jig Musick plays they drink Sir Tim. This is meer Tyranny Enter Jervice Ier. Sir there is just alighted at the Gate a Person of Quality as appears by his Train who give him the Title of a Lord. Sir Tim. How a strange Lord Conduct him up with Ceremony Iervice ' Ods so he 's here Enter Wilding in disguise Dresswell and Footmen and Pages Wild. Sir by your Reverend Aspect you shou'd be the Renown'd Mester de Hotell Sir Tim. Meter de Otell I have not the honour to know any of that name I am call'd Sir Timothy Treat-all Bowing Wild. The same Sir I have been bred abroad and thought all Persons of Quality had spoke French Sir Tim. Not City Persons of Quality my Lord. Wild. I 'm glad on'â— Sir for 't is a Nation I hate as indeed I do all Monarchies Sir Tim. Hum hate Monarchy Your Lordship is most welcome Bows Wild. Unless Elective Monarchies which so resemble a Commonwealth Sir Tim. Right my Lord where every man may hope to take his turn Your Lordship is most singularly welcome Bows low Wild. And though I am a stranger to your Person I am not to your Fame amongst the sober Party of the Amsterdamians all the French Hugonots throughout Geneva even to Hungary and Poland fames trumpet sounds your praise making the Pope to fear the rest admire you Sir Tim. I 'm much oblig'd to the Renowned Mobily Wild. So you will say when you shall hear my Embassie The â—oâ—anders by me salute you Sir and have in this next new Election prickt ye down for their succeeding King Sir Tim. How my Lord prickt me down for a King Why this is wonderful Prickt me unworthy me down for a King How cou'd I merit this amazing Glory Wild. They know he that can be so great a Patriot to his Native Country where but a private person what must he be when Power is on his side Sir Tim. Aye my Lord my Country my bleeding Country there 's the stop to all my rising Greatness Shall I be so ungrateful to disappoint this big expecting Nation defeat the sober Party and my Neighbours for any Polish Crown But yet my Lord I will consider on 't Mean time my House is yours Wild. I 've brought you Sir the measure of the Crown Hah it â—its you to a hair Pulls out a Ribon and measures his head You were by Heaven and Nature fram'd that Monarch Sir Anth. Hah at it again Sir Charles making sober love Come we grow dull Charles where stands the Glass what balk my Lady Galliard's Health They go to drink Wild. Hah Galliard and so sweet on Meriwill Aside L. Gall. If it be your business Sir to drink I 'll withdraw Sir Char. Gad and I 'll withdraw with you Widow Heark ye Lady Galliard I am damnably afraid you cannot bear your Liquor well you are so forward to leave good Company and a Bottle Sir Tim. Well Gentlemen since I have done what I never do to oblige you I hope you 'll not refuse a Health of my Denomination Sir Anth. We scorn to be so uncivil All take Glasses Sir Tim. Why then here 's a conceal'd Health that shall be nameless to his Grace the King of Poland Sir Char. King of Poland Lord Lord how your thoughts ramble Sir Tim. Not so far as you imagine I know what I say Sir Sir Char. Away with it Drink all Wild. I see Sir you still keep up that English Hospitality that so renowned our Ancestors in History Looking on L. Gall. Sir Tim. Aye my Lord my noble Guests are my Wife and Children Aside Wild. Are you not married then Death she smiles on him Sir Tim. I had a Wife but rest her Soul she 's dead and I have no Plague left now but an ungracious Nephew perverted with Ill Customs Tantivie-Opinions and Court-Notions Wild. Cannot your pious Examples convert him By Heaven she 's fond of him Aside Sir Tim. Alas I havâ—â—â—y'd all ways fair and foul â—ay had settled t'other day my whole Estate upon him and just as I had sign'd the Writings out comes me a damn'd Libel call'd A Warning to all good Christians against the City-Magistrates and I doubt he had a hand in Absolon and Achitophel a Rogue But some of our sober Party have claw'd him home i'faith and given him Rhyme for his Reason Wild. Most visibly in love Oh Sir Nature Laws and Religion plead for so neer a Kinsman Sir Tim. Laws and Religion Alas my Lord he deserves not the name of a Patriot who does not for the Publick Good deâ—ie all Laws and Religion Wild. Death I must interrupt ' em Sir pray what Lady 's that Wild. salutes her Sir Tim. I beseech your Lordship know her 't is my Lady Galliard ' the rest are all my Friends and Neighbours true Protestants all Well my Lord how do you like my method of doing the Business of the Nation and carrying on the Cause with Wine Women and soforth Wild. High feeding and smart Drinking gains more to the Party than your smart Preaching Sir Tim. Your Lordship has hit it right A rare man this Wild. But come Sir leave we serious affairs and oblige these fair ones Addresses himself to Galliard Sir Charles puts him by Enter Charlot disguised Clacket and Fopington Charl. Heavens Clacket yonder 's my false one and that my lovely Rival Pointing to Wild. and L. Gall. Enter Diana and Sensure maskt and Betty Dian. Dear Mrs. Sensure this Favour has oblig'd me Sen. I hope you 'll not discover it to his Worship Madam Wild. By her meen this shou'd be handsome Goes to Diana Madam I hope you have not made a Resolution to deny me the honour of your hand
The Signe L. Gall. Oh press me not yet you may come at midnight under my Chamber-window Sir Char. seas 'em so close â—omes to ' em Sir Char. Hold Sir hold Whiâ—st I am listening to the relation of your French Fortifications Outworks and Counterscarps I perceive the Enemy in my Quarters My Lord by your leave Puts him by growing drunk Charl. Perswade me not I burst with Jealousie Wild turns sees Clacket Wild. Death and the Devil Clacket then 't is Charlot and I 'm discover'd to her Charl. Say are not you a false dissembling thing To Wild in 〈◊〉 Wild. What my little Northern Lass translated into English This 't is to practise Art in spight of Nature â—as thy Vertue Youth and Innocence Were never made for Cunning. I found ye out through all your forc'd Disguise Charl. â—ah did you know me then Wild. At the first glance and found you knew me too And talkt to yonder Lady in revenge Whom my Uncle wou'd have me marry But to avoid all discourses of that nature I came to night in this disguise you see to be conceal'd from her that 's all Charl. And is that all on honour is it Dear Wild. What no Belief no Faith in villanous women Charl. Yes when I see the Writings Wild. Go home I die if you shou'd be discover'd And credit me I 'll bring you all you ask Clacket you and I must have an odde Reckoning about this nights jant of yours Aside to Clacket Sir Tim. Well my Lord how do you like our English Beauties Wild. Extreamly Sir and was pressing â—is young Lady to give us a Song Here is an Italian Song in two parts Sir Tim. I never saw this Lady before pray who may she be Neighbour To Clacket Mrs. Clack A Niece of mine newly come out of Scotland Sir Sir Tim. Nay then she dances by nature Gentlemen and Ladies please you to sit here 's a young Neighbour of mine will honour us with a Dance They all sit Charl. and Fop. dance So so very well very well Gentlemen and ladies I am for Liberty of Conscience and Moderation There 's a Banquet waits the Ladies and my Cellars are open to the men but for my self I must retire first waiting on your Lordship to shew you your Apartment then leave you to cher entire and tomorrow my Lord you and I will settle the Nation and resolve on what return we will make to the noble Polanders Exeunt all but Wild. Dress and Fop. Sir Char. leading out L. Gall. Sir Anth. Well said Charles thou leavest her not till she 's thy own Boy And Philander was a jolly Swain c. Exit singing Wild. All things succeed above my wish dear Frank Fortune is kind and more Galliard is so This night crowns all my Wishes Laboir are all things ready for our purpose To his Footman Lab. Dark Lanthorns Pistols Habits and Vizards Sir Fop. I have provided Portmantles to carry off the Treasure Dress I perceive you are resolv'd to make a through-stitcht Robbery on 't Fop. Faith if it lie in our way Sir we had as good venture a Caper under the Triple Tree for one as well as t'other Wild. We will consider on 't 't is now just struck Eleven within this hour is the dear Assignation with Galliard Dress What whether our affairs be finisht or not Wild. 'T is but at next door I shall return time enough for that trivial business Dress A trivial business of some six thousand pound a year Wild. Trivial to a woman Frank no more do you make as if you wâ—nt to bed Laboâ—â— do you feign to be drunk and lie on the Hall-table and when I give the signe let me softly in Dress Death Sir will you venture at such a time Wild. My life and future hope I am resolv'd Let Polititians plot let Rogues go on In the old beaten Path of Forty One Let City-Knaves delight in Mutiny The Rabble bow to old Presbytery Let petty States be to confusion hurl'd Give me but Woman I 'll despise the World ACT the Fourth SCENE the First A Dressing-room Lady Galliard is discover'd in an undress at her Table Glass and Toilette Closet attending As soon as the Scene draws off she rises from the Table as disturb'd and out of humour L. Gall. COme leave your everlasting Chamber-Maids Chat your dull Road of Slandering by rote and lay that Paint aside Thou art fuller of false News than an unlicens'd Mercury Clos. I have good proof Madam of what I say L. Gall. Proof of a thing impossible Away Clos. Is it a thing so impossible Madam that a man of Mr. Wilding's parts and person should get a City-Heiress Such a bonne Mine and such a pleasant Wit L. Gall. Hold thy fluent Tattle thou hast Tongue Enough to talk an Oyster-woman deaf I say it cannot be What means the panting of my troubled Heart Oh my presaging fears shou'd what she says prove true How wretched and how lost a thing am I Aside Clos. Your Honour may say your pleasure but I hope I have not liv'd to these years to be impertinent No Madam I am none of those that run up and down the Town a Story-hunting and a Lye-catching and L. Gall. Eternal rattle peace Mrs. Charlot Gettall go away with Wilding A man of Wilding's extravagant life Get a Fortune in the City Thou might'st as well have told me a Holder forth were married to a Nun. There are not two such Contraries in Nature 'T is flamm 't is foolery 't is most impossible Clos. I beg your Ladyships pardon if my discourse offend you but all the world knows Mrs. Clacket to be a person L. Gall. Who is a most devout Bawd a precise Procurer Saint in the Spirit and Whore in the Flesh A Doer of the Devils work in Gods Name Is she your Informer nay then the Lye's undoubted I say once more adone with your idle Tittle-tattle And to divert me bid Betty sing the Song which Wilding Made to his last Mistriss we may judge by that What little Haunts and what low Game he follows This is not like the description of a rich Citizens Daughter and Heir but some common Hackney of the Suburbs Clos. I have heard him often swear she was a Gentlewoman and liv'd with her Friends L. Gall. Like enough there are many of these Gentlewomen who live with their Friends as rank Prostitutes as errant Jilts as those who make open profession of the Trade almost as mercenary But come the Song Enter Betty SONG In Phillis all vile Iilts are met Foolish uncertain false Coquette Love is her constant welcome Guest And still the newest pleases best Quickly she likes then leaves as soon Her life on Woman's a Lampoon Yet for the Plague of Humane Race This Devil has an Angels Face Such Youth such Sweetness in her look Who can be man and not be took What former Love what Wit what Art Can save a poor inclining heart In vain a thousand
Pregnant with sweets for the next Sun to ravish Come thou shalt along with me I 'll trust thy friendship Exeunt SCENE changes to Diana's Chamber She is discover'd dressing with Betty Dian. Methinks I'm up as early as if I had a mind to what I 'm going to do marry this old rich Coxcomb Bet. And you do well to lose no time Dian. Ah Betty and cou'd thy prudence prefer an old Husband because rich before so young so handsome and so soft a Lover as Wilding Bet I know not that Madam but I verily believe the way to keep your young Lover is to marry this old one for what Youth and Beauty cannot purchase Money and Quality may Dian. Aye but to be oblig'd to lie with such a Beast aye there 's the Devil Betty Ah when I find the difference of their Embraces The soft dear Arms of Wilding round my neck From those cold feeble ones of this old Dotard When I shall meet instead of Tom's warm Kisses A hollow pair of thin blue wither'd Lips Trembling with Palsie stinking with Disease By Age and Nature baracado'd up With a kind Nose and Chin What fancy or what thought can make my hours supportable Bet. What why six thousand pound a year Mistriâ—s He 'll quickly die and leave you rich and then do what you please Dian. Die no he 's too temperate Sure these Whigs Betty believe there 's no Heaven they take such care to live so long in this world No he 'll out-live me Sighs Bet. In grace a God he may be hang'd first Mistriss Ha one knoc 〈◊〉 lieve 't is he She goes to op 〈◊〉 Dian. I cannot bring my heart to like this business One sight of my dear Tom wou'd turn the scale Bet. Who 's there Enter Sir Tim. joyful Dian. walks away Sir Tim. 'T is I impatient I who with the Sun have welcom'd in the day This happy day to be inroll'd In Rubrick-letters and in Gold Hum I am profoundly eloquent this morning Aside Fair Excellence I approach Going towards her Dian. Like Physick in a morning next one 's heart Aside Which though 't is necessary is most filthy loathsome Going from him Sir Tim. What do you turn away bright Sun of Beauty Hum I 'm much upon the Suns and Days this morning Aside Dian. It will not down Turning to him looks on him and turns away Sir Tim. Alas ye Gods am I dispis'd and scorn'd Did I for this ponder upon the Question Whether I shou'd be King or Alderman Heroickly Dian. If I must marry him give him patience to endure the Cuckolding good Heaven Aside Sir Tim. Heaven did she name Heaven Betty Bet. I think she did Sir Sir Tim. I do not like that What need has she to think of Heaven upon her Wedding-day Dian. Marriage is a sort of hanging Sir and I was onely making a short Prayer before Execution Sir Tim. Oh is that all Come come we 'll let that alone till we are abed that we have nothing else to do Takes her hand Dian. Not much I dare swear Sir Tim. And let us Fair one haste the Parson stays besides that heap of Scandal may prevent us I mean my Nephew Dian. A Pox upon him now for naming Wilding Weeps Sir Tim. How weep at naming my ungracious Nephew Nay then I am provokt Look on this Head this wise and reverend Head I 'd have ye know it has been taken measure on to fit it to a Crown d' ye see Dian. A Halter rather Aside Sir Tim. Aye and it fits it too and am I slighted I that shall receive Billet Deux from Infantas 't is most uncivil and â—mpolitick Dian. I hope he 's mad and then I reign alone Aside Pardon me Sir that parting Tear I shed indeed at naming Wilding Of whom my foolish heart has now tane leave And from this moment is intirely yours Gives him her hand they go out SCENE changes to a Street Enter Charlot led by Fopington followed by Mrs. Clacket Charl. Stay my heart misgives me I shall be undone Ah whither was I going Pulls her hand from Fop. Fop. Do stay till the news arrives that he is married to her that had his company to night my Lady Galliard Charl. Oh take heed lest you sin doubly Sir Fop. By Heaven 't is true he past the night with her Charl. All night what cou'd they find to do Mrs. Clack A very proper Question I 'll warrant you they were not idle Madam Charl. Oh no they lookt and lov'd and vow'd and lov'd and swore eternal Friendship Haste haste and lead me to the Church the Altar I 'll put it past my power to love him more Fop. Oh how you charm me Takâ—s her by the â—and Charl. Yet what art thou a stranger to my heart Wherefore ah why on what occasion shou'd I Mrs. Clack Acquaintance 't is enough I know him Madam and I hope my word will be taken for a greater matter i' th' City In troth you 're beholding to the Gentleman for marrying you your Reputation 's gone Charl. How am I not honest then Mrs. Clack Marry Heaven forbid But who that knows you have been a single hour in Wilding's hands that wou'd not swear you 'd lost your Maidenhead And back again I 'm sure you dare not go unmarried that wou'd be a fine History to be sung to your eternal fame in a Ballad Fop. Right and you see Wilding has left you for the Widow to whom perhaps you 'll shortly hear he 's married Charl. Oh you trifle Sir lead on They going out meet Sir Anthony with Musick they return Sir Anth. Come come Gentlemen this is the House and this the window belonging to my Ladies Bed-chamber Come come let 's have some neat soft brisk languishing sprightly Air now Fop. Old Meriwill how shall I pass by him Stand by Sir Anth. So here 's Company too 't is very well Not have the Boy I 'll warrant this does the business Come come screw up your Chitterling They play Hold hold a little Good morrow my Lady Galliard Give your Ladyship joy Charl. What do I hear my Lady Galliard joy'd Fop. How married her already Charl. Oh yes he has Lovely and false hast thou deceiv'd my Faith Mrs. Clack Oh Heavens Mr. â—opington she faints ah me They hold her Musick plays Enter Wilding and Dresswell disguis'd as before Wild. Ah Musick at Galliard's door Sir Anth. Good morrow Sir Charles Meriwill give your Worship and your fair Lady joy Wild. Hah Meriwill married the Widow Dress No matter prithee advance and mind thy own affairs Wild. Advance and not inquire the meaning on 't Bid me not eat when Appetite invites me Not draw when branded with the name of Coward Nor love when Youth and Beauty meets my eyes Hah Sees Sir Charles come into the Belconey undrest Sir Char. Good morrow Uncle Gentlemen I thank ye Here drink the Kings Health with my Royal Master 's the Duke Gives 'em Money Fid. Heaven bless your
Honour and your vertuous Bride Fop. Wilding undone Shelters Charlot that she may not see Wilding Wild. Death and the Devil Meriwill above Sir Anth. Hah the Boys Rival here By George here may be breathing this morning No matter here 's two to two come Gentlemen you must in Thrusts the Musick in and goes in Dress Is 't not what you expected nay what you wisht Wild. What then it comes too suddenly upon me Ere my last kiss was cold upon her lips Before the pantings of her Breast were laid â—ais'd by her Joys with me Oh damn'd deluding Woman Dress Be wise and do not ruine where you love Wild. Nay if thou com'st to reasoning thou hast lost me Breaks from him and runs in Charl. I say 't was Wilding's voice and I will follow it Fop. How Madam wou'd you after him Charl. Nay force me not By Heaven I 'll cry a Rape Unless you let me go Not after him Yes to th' infernal Sâ—ades Unhand me Sir Fop. How Madam have you then design'd my ruine Charl. Oh trust me Sir I am a Maid of Honour Runs in after Wild. Mrs. Clack So a Murrain of your Projects we 're all undone now For my part I 'll en'â— after her and deny to have any hand in the business Goes in Fop. Damn all ill â—â—ck was ever man thus Fortune-bit that he shou'd cross my hopes just in the nick But shall I lose her thus No Gad I 'll after her and come the worst I have an Impudence shall out-face a Middlesex Jury and out-swear a Discoverer Goes in SCENE changes to a Chamber Enter Lady Galliard pursued by Sir Charles and Footman L. Gall. Sirrah run to my Lord Mayors and require some of his Officers to assist me instantly and d' ye hear Rascal bar up my doors and let none of his mad Crew enter To the Footman who is going Sir Char. William you may stay William L. Gall. I say obey me Sirrah Sir Char. Sirrah I say know your Lord and Master Will. I shall Sir Goes out L. Gall. Was ever woman teaz'd thus pursue me not Sir Char. You are mistaken I 'm disobedient grown Since we became one Family and when I 've us'd you thus a week or two you will grow weary of this peevish fooling L. Gall. Malicious thing I wo'not I am resolv'd I 'll tire thee out meerly in spight to have the better of thee Sir Char. Gad I 'm as resolv'd as you and do your worst For I 'm resolv'd never to quit thy house L. Gall. But Malice there are Officers Magistrates i' th' City that will not see me us'd thus and will be here anon Sir Char. Magistrates why they shall be welcome if they be honest and loyal if not they may be hang'd in Heavens good time L. Gall. Are you resolv'd to be thus obstinate Fully resolv'd to make this way your Conquest Sir Char. Most certainly I 'll keep you honest to your word my Dear I 've Witness L. Gall. You will Sir Char. You 'll find it so L. Gall. Then know if thou darest marry me I will so plague thee be so reveng'd for all those tricks thou 'st playd me Dost thou not dread the Vengeance Wives can take Sir Char. Not at all I 'll trust thy stock of Beauty with thy Wit L. Gall. Death I will cuckold thee Sir Char. Why then I shall be free o' th' Reverend City L. Gall. Then I will game without cessation till I 've undone thee Sir Char. Do that all the Fops of empty heads and pockets may know where to be sure of a Cully and may they rook ye till ye lose and fret and chafe and rail those youthful Eyes to sinking watch your fair Face to pale and withered leanness L. Gall. Then I will never let thee bed with me but when I please Sir Char. For that see who'll petition first and then I 'll change for new ones every night Enter William Will. Madam here 's Mr. Wilding at the door and will not be deni'd 〈…〉 L. Gall. Hah Wilding Oh my eternal shame now thou hast done thy 〈◊〉 Sir Char. Now for a struggle 'twixt your Love and Honour Yes here 's the Bar to all my Happiness You wou'd be left to the wide World and Love To Infamy to Scandal and to Wilding But I have too much Honour in my Passion To let you loose to Ruine Consider and be wise L. Gall. Oh he has toucht my heart too sensibly Aside Sir Anth. within As far as good Manners goes I 'm yours But when you press indecently to Ladies Chambers civil Questions ought to be askt I take it Sir L. Gall. To find him here will make him mad with Jealousie and in the fit he 'll utter all he knows Oh Guilt what art thou Aside Enter Sir Anth. Wild. and Dress Dress Prithee dear Wilding moderate thy Passion Wild. By Heaven I will she shall not have the pleasure to see I am concern'd Morrow Widow you are early up you mean to thrive I see you 're like a Mill that grinds with every Wind. Sir Char. Hah Wilding this that past last night at Sir Timothy's for a man of Quality Oh give him way Wilding's my Friend my Dear and now I 'm sure I have the advantage of him in thy love I can forgive a hasty word or two Wild. I thank thee Charles What you are married then L. Gall. I hope you 've no exception to my choice Scornfully Wild. False woman dost thou glory in thy perfidy To her aside angrily Yes Faith I 've many exceptions to him Aloud Had you lov'd me you 'd pitcht upon a Blockhead Some spruce gay fool of Fortune and no more Who would have taken so much care of his own ill-favour'd Person he shou'd have had no time to have minded yours But left it to the care of some fond longing Lover L. Gall. Death he will tell him all aside Oh you are merry Sir Wild. No but thou art wonderous false False as the Love and Joys you feign'd last night In a soft tone aside to her L. Gall. Oh Sir be tender of those treacherous minutes Softly to him If this be all you have to say to me Walking away and speaking 〈◊〉 Wild. Faith Madam you have us'd me scurvily To marry and not give me notice â—loud Curse on thee did I onely blow the Fire To warm another Lover To her softâ—â— aside L. Gall. Perjur'd was 't not by your advice I marry'd Oh where was then your Love Softly to him aside Wild. So soon did I advise Didst thou invite me to the Feast of Love To snatch away my Joys as soon as tasted 〈…〉 was then your Modesty and sense of Honour Aside to her in a low toâ—e 〈◊〉 Aye where indeed when you so quickly vanquisht Soft 〈◊〉 I find are come prepar'd to rail Aloud Wild. No 't was with thee to make my last effort against your scorn Shews her the Writings And this I hop'd when all my Vows and Love