correct the sinne Establish bridges which decay within Reliâ—ue sicke persons or amend high-wayes Or some religious Chappell which decayes But they haue other vses to respect To buy their ciuâ—ll garments or affect The wanton lust of some egregious whoore To winne new credit to deceiue the poore And so deceiue the vnsuspectfull time For else he durst not so insatiate clime Into the fiery region neither dares His habite seeme acquainted with these cares Now must I summon Parish-hypocrites Who seeme attentiue to coelestiall rites Who thinke the Art of him that well doth liue Is all perform'd if he example giue Which may become the parish if he pray Aloud in Chambers or deuoutly pay The tribute of true dealing vnto all Who can to their assâ—stance Iustice call If in Assemblies he can shew good workes And call offendors Infidels or Turkes He thinkes he hath discharg'd the finall part Of a religious or honest heart Though he doth closely keepe a vertuous punke Or though on cautious tâ—arms heâ— can be drunk Though in another County and the name Of other Agents he can schedules framâ— And thinkes himselfe to be a man well blest Though he receiues the Sinfull Interest For this eye-seruing-age is quickly gone To all deceit if we lacke lookers on These be most valiant Cowards men that dare Be boldly impious and yâ—t basely feare Least common rumour should obserue or thinke They be not still awake though still they winke Some false Physitians lye within the reach Of these who true sinceritie impeach Their glasses glisters oyles ingredients Which hope of lucre oftentimes inuents Do carry all as if a cowards soule Kept in their bosomes to the dead mans rowle Hiding their fearefull practice in the graues Leane death their operation still out-braues Sometimes their crabbed Enuy doth inuent Sometimes they kil with new experiment For still they erâ—e by custome or by chance Eiâ—her by malice or by ignorance And hauing spent prescriptions to each dram He thinkes alas sure I protected am If now I see our physicke does no good Or seeing I haue suckt his purse and blood If I can tell his friends there is no hope Or that he must expect deaths fatall scope Then shall I be discharg'd with credits fee And to condemne more liues remaine still free They shift their compasse to auoyd our scorne Hiding their actions from the faire-fac'd morne Now my censorious Criticks who disgrace Each worke they know not with a scuruy face Who banish Authors to Barbarian lands And sling true solid matter from their hands With a disdainfull Motto of Nonsence Although themselues excepting impudence Haue nothing to excuse their vanitie Latinleâ—se Lawlesse Rogues they often be Who hauing past their verdict will recant For their maintaining facultie is scant Or if these Apish Cowards dare defend The vice of Iudgment brings them to their end And yet some Writers doe deserue the name Of Cowards likewise they be growne so tame With being often handled often praisd As they forget their motion being raisd Aboue the highest spheares they thinke it much More then indeed enough to haue beene such As they were once accounted though they sleepe Follow their ease and sluggish silence keepe Nay thogh they wake which doth poâ—son theÌ„ Fâ—llow the errors which they did condemne Some worthlesse Poets also haue the vice To write their labours as they cast at diâ—e If by aduenture some strange happy chance Smiles on their borrowed workes of ignorance They can bewray their theâ—uish names and giue Notice to all how they eterniâ—'d liue But if presuming on their sickly strength They write and do betray their selues at length Then oh they came into the publicke presse Against their wils they dare not then conâ—esse Who wrongs the world with such base Poetry Nay their owne eldest sonnes they will deny All hide their vices Printers also hide Errors escap'd wâ—ich makes wise men deride Excellent wits deseruing worthy praise WheÌ„ through distinctions lest the truth decaies But among all base writers of the time I cannot reckon vp more desperate rime Which trauailes with a feare so damnable As Libell-lashing measures they excell Onely in this that these be counted best Which the soole-Author dares acknowledge least These are contemptible enough and yet Their lines maske vnder a fictitious wit When wit as hitherto was neuer seene Truly ingendred by a trâ—uiall spleene Nor can they thus reforme what is impure Seing men so touch'd conceiue theÌ„selues past cure Wel do these cowards thriue when hauing blown Shame to the peoples Eares they loose their own Briefly it were a thing preposterous If rich men who are nicely coâ—etous Shold not be trembling cowards when they think Vpon the ioyfull paines of death they stinke Nothing prouokes me sooner to confesse That Atheisme is their chiefest happinesse Then to consider how the very best Struggle with death declining to their rest One pluckes away the haires which should reueale His righteous thoughts another doth conceale The furrowed wrinkles of his tawny skinne Another scoures his stumpes or doth beginne To breake the glasse with foolish extasie At the reflexe of Chap-fâ—lne grauitie Can these with safetie of a quiet minde Puffe vp themselues with an ambitious winde Of Riches Rumor Lucre and Expence Whiles Kings and good men haue no difference They haue Abundance I haue some alone They feed a hundred bellies I feed one Both vanish to Obliuions caue vnlesse Our very thoughts a liuing soule expresse Which being once admitted no soules can Keepe their worst secrets from the face of Man ESSAY III. NO more no more now saith my honest friend Be politicke or study to commend The time and timelings least you doe bestow More copious tearmes then licence dare allow Content thy selfe Cordatus I will blame No reuerend Church-man neither will I name One lewd professor who pollutes the grace Of such a formall and respected place I will not name their liuings nor their liues Much â—esse their bondage to their hansom wiues As if they durst not shew the times disease Because indeed they dare not them displease I will not wrong their holinesse and why In holinesse true zeale you may descry Nor will I taxe Church-vices least I wrong The labour which to writing doth belong For when I haue againe repeated all Their vices publicke and sinnes personall I shall but reckon the antiquities Of Glosse of Ignorance and Simonies And so repeate things mention'd long before Nay things prefixt vpon each Play-house doore Let them alasse continue or increase O let them long enioy a quiâ—t peace For they already know the mischiefes well They almost scorne such inwards to expell And why they feare taxation ò strange fate They who contemne reproofes are desperate We cannot hope such persons will amend Who may without controule their vice extend Enough enough I haue bethought so much Concerning cowards that my selfe am such I dare not speake my meaning vnder paine Of being crost of being curb'd
safely therefore allow indulgence then austerity because it approcheth neerer to true loue For though indulgence hath made children loftie in behauiour towards others yet I obserue it breeds a true and vndiuorced affection towards the originall cause It is therefore an excellent rule for children to receiue instruction of strangers and by the consequent to bee any way restrain'd without the parents knowledge or at least their taking notice whereby Nature cannot grudge against Nature nor yet want reprehension For howsoeuer Marcus Cato said well That he had rather vnrewarded for doing well then vnpunished for offences yet we haue naturally a secret spleene against the Iudge though wee account him righteous and impartiall It must bee expected then that children doe know a difference betwixt Fathers and Maisters which makes them the more implacable when they see Nature impartiall From hence Sertorius a politicke Captaine would not himselfe represse the impudence of his Souldiers least howsoeuer they deserued ill yet his correction might take away their louing dutie which respect made him suffer the enemies incursions rather to scourge their insolence whilst they out of a hare-brained lunasie desired battaile And thus the sacred decree of Correction may bee kept vnviolate and the loue of Children vnblemished For I am vnanswerably perswaded that parents wrath diminisheth the Childes loue making him seruile or else refractorie to the doctrine of themselues and others because they cannot vndertake with delight so long as frownes and feare bee crept into their fancie But affable parents beget truely affectionate children who may endure another mans reproofe to mitigate the name of Cosset and yet louingly adore the father because hee was alwayes louing So then the Fathers diligent loue and a Tutors modest instruction may make a seldome-seene heire affect his Fathers life without hypocrisie and proue a venerable wise man Without which loue apparant or oftentimes indulgence I see an eldest sonne instead of the Fathers blessing render backe sweating curses I see another inclining onely to the mother and a third slippe into his disinherited Fortune The Comaedian therefore saith ingenuously touching a fathers dutie I ouer-passe expences I call not euery thing to a strict account and that which other sonnes labour to keepe secret I do not bitterly condemne in mine lest many things should bee concealed for hee that through a rugged vsage depriues his father by false excuses of youthfull accidents will soone deceiue others It is more availeable then to governe by liberalitie not base compulsion for hee that thus becomes obedient expects onely till hee may want the witnesse of his actions Now for the dangerous effect of parents changeable loue it having beene propounded that want of loue breedes disinheritance I will demonstrate how horrible vnlawful impossible disinheritance maybe iudiciously accounted The diuorce of mariage is a weighty case much forbidden much controverted because marriage it selfe is made a strict vnion so farre as Husbands seeme incorporate with their Wiues being both to bee taken as one flesh But this vnion admits many exceptions neither may any thinke their being made one extends further then the rhetoricall aggravation of vnitie to insinuate how difficult a thing Diuorce will be betwixt two so narrowly vnited but children haue a more exquisite property of indiuorceable because they really partake with parents by existence deriving a particular true strength of body from the parents abilitie And therefore it seemes the matter of disinheritance is a thing so odious as being held improbable to be acted among the Iewes or any Nation no Law of Scripture contradicts it Indeed rebellious sonnes are by the verdict of Divine iniunction to suffer death if they shall strike the parents or rise vp against them But for the matter of Disinheritance which farre transcends the punishment of death as shall appeare I haue read no sillable which may giue the toleration of Divinitie Death indeed comparatiuely respected may bee thought the best wages of a rebellious sonne for the act includes his full sentence because to smite his parent is to seeke the destruction of his efficient cause which act keepes within it so much ingratitude as heauenly Iustice can doe no lesse then remoue him who durst remoue his begetter it beeing an inseparable part of holinesse to pay offenders with their owne coyne But disinheritance so much exceeds death as it approches to a continued torment Death is so faâ—re from misery whâ—re men expiate offences as it rather affoords felicity because it giues a present satisfaction and a present hope to enioy a good portion if penitence and a satisfactory mind be companions But disinheriritance or abdication doth not onely enforce death but makes the circumstance tyrannicall A violent death is but an abridgement of nature but disinheritance doth often bring a violent death and enlarge the wickednesse of nature I see no difference betwixt them in the conclusion for death is an effect commonly of disinheritance but no death more excludes all humanitie The case is palpable I giue directions to a traveller hee arrogantly contemnes my counsell which doth so much provoke mee as to amend the matter I draw him by compulsion to an apparant ambush in which after many sustained abuses horrible vexations and desperate incounters hee concludes his life with infamie or perhaps blasphemy So currish and cruell parents by disinheritance deales every way answerable to this similitude The horâ—or of which barbarisme is the more amplified by so much as naturall affinitie claimes a more humane president then strangers Banishment or abiuration is tolerable for it takes originall by publicke decree superior counsell and authority of those from whom I can chalenge nothing but iustice wheras disinheritance a National banishment transcending forraine exile in the Cause and Manner proceedes from priuate occurrences which cannot reach so high an affliction because the nature of it is equall to nay aboue publicke iustice Now it may well bee esteemed humane when parents punish with rigor where the Law condemnes not because in every offence highly punishable the Law is open if that condemnes the Parents loue may a little bee excused though hee doth not excuse his sonnes accusation but where himselfe exceedes the Lawes rigor when the Law is silent and becomes Accuser Iudge and Executioner wee may discouer a damnable flintie heart apt enough for massacre seeing hee first plaies the tyrant with his owne Image Parents therefore cannot argue and say except Disinheritance they haue no remedie for disobedience seeing there is no crime which may deserue so great satisfaction but the Law is all-sufficient to render Iustice and saue them vnpreiudiced in the aspersion of Vnnaturall which the Title Disinheritance drawes with it inseparate For if wee take a view of those impulsiue causes which breede occasion wee shall perceiue how accessary Parents bee to all their Childrens vices and by the consequent how culpable they are to punish that so strictly of which themselues bee Authors
a successory regiment there weake-braind ryotous tyrannicall and lewd princes haue been admitted to their dignities without contradiction And doth not the bloud of common heires answere to a Kings priuiledge in the Title of Legitimate Why then shall wee protect such vniust partialitie If children should receiue no more thē they deserue or if they shold claime interest of loue no longer then merits make a full proportion how should the liberality of parents and the prerogatiue of children appeare or what thankes and filiall loue may Fathers expect from such Children more then from good Apprentices Cimon could intombe his Mares when they purchased credite in the swift races of Olimpiades Xanthippus could bewaile his dogges death which had followed his Maister from Calamina Alexander could erect a Citty in the honor of Bucephalus when hee had long bene defended by him in the dangerous attempts of many fortunate battailes The Asse may well among the Heathen be adorned with Lillies Violets and Garlands when their Goddesse Vesta by an Asses voyce auoyded the rape of Priapus If merits therefore should onely challenge the loue of parents nothing might make a difference betwixt sonnes and bond-slaues Seeing bare Humanity and the Law of Nations hath accounted the honours of One worthy to be honored nothing but equall and necessary thankes Nay in all ages so bountifull and respectiue hath authority beene to true merites as euen the desertlesse children haue met with dignitie to remunerate the fathers worthinesse Thus did the Athenians bestow great wages vpon Lysimachus to gratifie the seruice of Aristides And thus the Romans preferred the cause of Marcus Brutus because his Ancestors had tooke the Countries quarrell against tyrants Shall fathers then esteeme it such irregular custome to dignifie their owne begotten issue though desertlesse seeing strangers haue done this to congratulate good fathers Two examples there bee antient and moderne worth our memory that shew the practise of our Theame in question and affoords singular obseruation The first is euident in the raigne of Agis a Lacedemonian King In whose principall Citie of Sparta the custome had prohibited alienations that preiudice the heire The custome grew to bee a confirmed Law After continuance there fell a difference betwixt one of the highest Magistrates and his eldest sonne The father was so actually prouoked that hee exhibites a Decree to licence Disinheritance the Decree was established And afterward saith Plutarch couetousnesse became publick From hence my obseruation is double First the originall cause of disinheritance was fury Secondly the commodity was ranke couetousnesse Lastly it is apparant by the Tower-rowles that during the raigne of Edward the fourth one Thomas Burdet an Englishman being somewhat innocently condemned to death about captions tearmes ignorantly vttered in his way to death espied his eldest sonne whom before hee disinherited him therefore hee penitently receiued and hauing now confessed seriously that hee felt Gods wrath vpon him onely to punish that vnnaturall sinne Hee humbly beg'd forgiuenesse of God and of his sonne The application of such a paenitent remorse is easy Hauing now marshald vp this troope of Arguments which I thinke are approueable some questionlesse will account them white-liuerd souldiers drest vp onely with a Rhetoricall habite But censure is no lesse infinite then oftentimes odious Tryall therefore shall discharge the integrity of these whilst I proceed briefly to muster one troope more whose courage is enough animated by their aduersaries weaknes if not impossibility of appearance For if the birth-right which intitles an heire be inseparate then the prerogatiue is also inseparate for inheritance depends vpon priority which being vnremoueable the adiunct essentiall cannot perish without the subiect Relations therefore be so congruous that we may sooner affirme the Sonne and Father not to be then heires and inheritance not to bee correlatiues and by the consequent as lawfully may wee depriue both of Beeing as we may permit the one without the other * * * *** ESSAY VI. Of Poetry POETRY is called the worke of nature I rather thinke it a Diuine alacrity entertained by the fitnesse of nature for if in generall a cheerefull spirit partakes of a Diuine influence then this being spiritually maintained with a desire to communicate and expresse such quickning inventions can bee no other being the soule of alacrity then an inuisible Diuine worke which doth transport nature whilst nature meruailes at the cause Philosophie hath diuided our soules faculty and makes the Intelligent part our principall essence that cannot perish Poetry depends on that and a sublime fancie they being the helpes of our dispofall or to speake truely a Poet vseth euery function of the soule Depending vpon which hee must reiect Nature for Nature perisheth the Soule cannot Nature is then the Hand-maide but an Infusiue worthinesse the soule of Poetry Conceiue but this and Nature will disclaime Nature imparts her Faculties by Generation excluding study and custome A Poet neuer is engendred so further then a naturall Logician therefore he exceeds Nature We may obserue a sweete concordance in this mighty Fabricke All things are coupled with an allusiue vnion Life is a flash of immortality Sleepe of death middle age of Summer Arts also and ages past haue a similitude with things inferiour and signifie things future Language is likened to a Casket Logicke to an Artificers Instrument Rhetoricke to a pretious Colour And Poetry likewise hath a fit resemblance with Prophecy both bee an vnutterable rapture both bee a boundlesse large capacitie both bee a vniversall tractate both bee confined within a small number both bee discredited with false pretenders both bee dispersed among men originally obscure both bee alike neglected both generally contemned alike Poetry is made the conveyance of amorous delights and certainely it doth bestow much sweetnesse in apparrelling loue-accents This onely might discover it for a supreme donatiue seeing the musicke in heaven is an agreement of soules Ierome Savanarola the Monkish Phylosopher makes Poetry a part of reasonable Philosophy maintaining this against naturall pretenders of Poetry I will not meddle with his arguments they are elaborate and learned the truth is evident without serious proofe Verse and Rime bee things naturall for they be onely colour and appearance but if you value the Phrase and the Materials after the same proportion as thinking your conceit able to furnish a poeme you shall indeed perceiue it likewise naturall that is naked vnpolished nay the scorne of Poetry A quicke contriving head may vtter laudably but never was a braine so sudden as to compose well without the president of others in the like kinde nay take the most illiterate Writers who propound experience and familiar allusions they haue a time to Meditate to compare to dispose This Art of Poetry cannot proue eminent vnlesse the writer hath a reioycing heart an apprehensiue head and a disclouded memory It is impossible therefore for one deiected by calamity or one perplexed with questions of another Science to get
contemned neglected or ambiguous of good successe then from doubts not to be resolued either through weaknesse of our vnderstanding or intricacie of the question then from an extreame desire either of things difficult or impossible To iealousies and such desires all are incident to doubts and questions Schollers or Scholler-like heads onely these comprehend the summe of all our crosses of all our sorrowes both in soule and body Nay all more narrowly may be reduced to a desire for when we briefly say He hath his desire we must withall intend that he is neither troubled with pleasure griefe feare audacity hope or anger the sixe turbulent passions reckoned by Plato Certainly amongst all perplexed questions be to a labouring head most troublesome and lesse blameable was that found Philosopher who made the Ocean capable of him because he was not capable of reason for the Ebbe and Flow rather then such as be ashamed to liue when either needinesse feare ignominy griefe or disappoyntments contradict them It is meere bestiall to dye vpon such weake incounters which might be all confuted with a Heathens knowledge but then to dye for ignorance may seeme excuseable for such a liue is bestiall where we are ignorant of reason and better is it to be ignorant of reason how to prevent death then to preserue life in ignorance The truth is our discontents of any kinde do mis-informe our iudgement no otherwise then a busie knaue who seeing the bad luck of lawfull meanes doth bribe the Magistrate and neuer was a Magistrate more easily bribed then is a iudgement so oppressed corrupted Wee haue no liberty to know much lesse to iudge no reason to discourse much lesse to put a difference no freedome to conceiue much lesse to vnderstand when Discontents do trouble vs. They interpose our brightest eminence of wisedome no otherwise then clowdes darken the Sunnes glory They keepe a strong possession against our vertue all good society The most significant title they can deserue is Trecherous for they breed sensibly an innovation begetting in vs a preposterous change that commonly proceeds from worse to worse For being more incorporate with them their mutatiōs we challenge lesse freedom in our selues to help our selues Discontents like an extreme disease be of a shifting nature they delight continually in motion as men vehemently sicke doe change their beds chambers A Discontented man does and vndoes that he may doe againe thinking to loose his humour in variety or by aduenture if by nothing else among many changes to make one good one But this desire of change corrupts our honesty We shal perceiue a three-fold mischiefe which goes inseparate with discontents for they bee ready to seduce our thoughts our words our actions We mis esteeme mis condemne mis attempt through discontented passions The reason is manifest for Discontent being the companion of our thoughts makes them our words and actions ruled by that and so become vnpleasing like it selfe Therefore doe male contents vnder-value merite in their owne opinion Therefore being waspish they detract from worthinesse therefore they dislike or doe condemne bitterly and therefore likewise do men thus affected vndertake more venturously then wisely So that Salust hath obserued well touching the Character of Catilines adhaerents that they were Homines quos flagitium egestas aut conscius animus exagitabat And questionlesse such men so inwardly bitten with their owne afflictions can finde no leasure in themselues to keepe affinity with others Good Soueraignes therefore louing Parents honest Friends loyall Subiects wise Maisters haue bene no male-contents for being so it is impossible that such a troubled Fountaine should send forth any thing but offensiue tumults There is nothing more doth make our enemies reioyce then a deiected spirit and nothing more afflicts our soule then to be sensible of their reioycings therefore doth that experienced Prophet Dauid so often wish for a deliuerance from their triumph so often doth he lament their insultations Infinite are those aduantages which may be had against men discontented and therefore hath a melancholy spirit some prerogatiue in this respect because his time of discontent is scarce distinguished from his daily carriage for night is sooner visible in an open Pallace then a smoky Cottage I may propound of these what Celsus doth of Cole-worts being halfe sodden they are laxatiue but twice sodden they are binding So discontents beeing but slightly apprehended and entertained may bee a meanes sitting to prepare the way for honest applications and to purge security But being suffered long to boyle within vs they do confirme their owne and also stoppe the passage of other worse corruptions Of Morall and awakening discontents the wise Salomon speakes when hee resolues positiuely Anger is better then laughter for by a sad looke the heart is made better Melior est ira risu quia per tristitiam vultus corrigitur animus delinquentis Some Fauourites there bee so much beholding to Fortune that in a whole AGE they haue scarce learnt the definition of sorrow In these men the Prouerbe is verified Fooles are Fortunate and yet agreeable with an honest meaning For those I thinke are chiefly bound to Fortune or Prouidence rather who cannot through a good simplicity affect dishonest practises and close dealings It being consonant with reason that men ill-befriended with a subtle Braine should bee assisted with some higher POLICIE All that wee suffer is by our OWNE or FORTVNES worke Wee cannot bee too patient with Fortunes too much prouoked with our owne workes of sorow when fortune punisheth wee haue no remedy when our owne indiscretion punisheth we may afflict our selues the longer with a wise fury that wee may learne to recollect and to awaken our iudgement Some haue a resolute contempt for all aduersities but such a valorous scorne may be ingendred by a sottish ignorance or an vncapable dulnesse no otherwise then both may be a Drunkards motiues in extreme hazard As for my selfe I neuer felt a sorrow which I esteemed a discontent vnlesse it gaue no profitable vse either by making mee more circumspect and prouident or acquainting me before-hand with my destiny The most honourable dealing with our worst afflictions is to confute them by a discourse of braine and so exercise our knowledge for our owne aduantage against the foes of knowledge But none among the worst crosses shall indeed predominate if sometimes in a lawfull humour wee doe crosse our selues Two Bookes of Characters The first Booke CHARACTER I. An Impudent Censurer IS the torture-monger of wit ready for execution before Iudgement Nature hath dealt wisely with him in his outside for it is a priuiledge against confutation and will beget modesty in you to see him out-face He is so fronted with striuing to discountenance knowledge by the contempt of it as you would thinke him borne to insolence though indeed it bee habituall and comes by negligence of his company which rather seeke to laugh and continue then to reforme
defence hee thinkes against capitall errour Hee is openly kinde-hearted cries God forbid Amen Christ bee his comfort But rather then hee will seeme a Puritan with indifferent companions hee can breake an obscoene Iest bee wanton sociable or any thing till hee converse with a Precisian by whom he hopes to saue then the eyes roule vpward the hands be elevated commiserating tearmes bee multiplied with sighes innumerable then hee railes against the wicked whom a little before hee heartilie saluted And after some paraphrase vpon the verse of such an Evangelist Apostle or Prophet hee dismisses the Puritan that himselfe may laugh in a corner His minde and memorie put on the same vizard of greatnesse which makes him so much incline to the posture of weighty labours that he giues no attention to things openly recited though they actually possesse him To be imploid therefore for a Noble man is to him an infinite trouble and begets imployment with all acquaintance to discover it so the bare meanes to make men think hee is much entertained costs a time equall to his occurrents Being to bee visited though by sure Clients he hath the roome of attendance the Art of delay and a visage that seemes pittifully interrupted If he rides to dispatch the horses be early sadled and brought to the doore that neighbours may obserue when after fiue or sixe houres expectation hee comes like one that was detained by vrgent importunacies His best materials to worke vpon bee Time and Place which if they affoord circumstance to let you vnderstand his new purchase his new buildings the great marriage of his children or entertainement of high personages or bountie towards the Hospitall it comes freely and fitly if openly When occasions trouble him a little he loues to trouble himselfe extreamly and thinkes it a poynt of â—eaching policie to reproue or amend that formally which hath beene allowed by singular good iugdements If hee dares with priviledge of the hearers ignorance disparage worth in any hee takes leaue of the occasion and his owne policie This he takes in honor of his courtship to shew he can bee ambitious and build on others ruines But this proclaimes him a starved Cannibal who through the famine of desert feeds his worthinesse with his owne excrement of detraction His desire and audacitie be at open strife When he would but dares not commend himselfe by correcting anothers facultie then with a straind laughter and a willing palsie in his head he seemes to discover somwhat is vnsetled or he makes his elbow signifie that somthing wants his finger His complements be at liberty his friendship lies locked vp in prison the key whereof he hath lost willingly For if you call him friend before hee hath wrested the advantage of an enemy hee leaues you destitute but more happy then you beleeue If hee can seeme to forget your countenance hee intends that you must thinke him deuoted to things aboue you or that his braine labours and vpon this ground he walkes when he neglects your salutations or takes no notice of your person Briefly he is a man of this daies profit he expects nothing without double interest and that by compulsion Hee is a weake foe a weaker friend or the generall shadow of a wiser man CHARAC. XIII A Spend-thrift IS a man euer needy neuer satisfied but ready to borrow more then he may be trust-à with The question of him will be whether his learning doth out-ballance his braine and so becomes a burthen or whether both bee crept into his outward senses Certainely his Intellectuals of wit and wisedome be manifest but are like the seuen Starres seldome seene together they mutually succeed as hauing vow'd to gouerne by course whilst wit reignes excesse and royot haue the vpper hand But when he recollects himselfe hee is wholy metamorphosed wit giues place and his extreme of wisedome disclaimes the smile of a merrie countenance His onely ioy is to domineere be often saluted and haue many Creditors his Lordships lie among the Drawers Tobacco-men Brokers and Panders But aduersity makes him leaue company and fall to house-keeping and then his seruants be vanished into Sergeants His onely flatterers bee Conceite and Fancy which charge Memory his Steward to bring in no Accompts till they bee casheerd which cannot bee whilst Imitation is his Captain or Credit his Corporall Hee dreames of being Lord chiefe Iustice or at least being eminent though hee liues dissolutely and hath no Saint but Fortune Hee is and euer will be a quarter behind with frugality in which volume he cannot be perfect because the booke is imperfect for he still rendes out the beginning of his lesson His Heauen vpon Farth is a faire Mistresse and though his meanes be lâ—rge yet his principall sorrow is the lacke of maintenance The misery of his sense is an old man and his fathers life troubles him not a little Almanackes therefore which foretell the death of age be very acceptable The hurly burly of his braine is infinite and he scarcely knowes what hee may freely make an election of His worst bawd is too good a nature which makes him incident to false applauses and carue his soule out among his familâ—ars hee hath multitudes of deere acquaintance but his deerest friends are ready to stabbe him For either those whom hee accompts so be men of fashion or those who be indeed so desire his death because they see no amendment He scornes to acknowledge his debts but as things of duety with which mechanicks are as he thinkes bound to vphold high birth and Gentry but the end proues otherwise His downefall therefore is not admired because hee was euer falling and his bare excuse makes experience the shadow Briefly he may seeme a treacherous friend for he deales dishonestly with all that challenge interest in him they be his Creditors And yet hee deales more louingly with them then with himselfe for when he paies them he punisheth himselfe If he cannot pay hee is punished more then they and punished enough because he cannot pay for then he consumes CHARACT XIIII A Vbiquitarie IS a Iourney-man of all Trades but no sauer because no sâ—tter vp He would be an Epitome of Artes and all things but is indeed nothing lesse then himselfe If an itchy Tailor gaue him not his making he had I thinke perpetually beene vnmade For if he scratch his head the body cals him if the body then the elbow if his elbow then againe the body if the body then the head itches so neuer quiet neuer constant still doing stil about to do the same remaines my doer doing nothing The worst of dog-daies was his birth-day when fleas abounded which â—rom his cradle haue so bitten him as till his death he must be tickled The worme of giddinesse hath crept into his priuate purposes euery houre almost giues him a new Being or at least the purpose to be an other thing then he is If a couÌ„try lâ—fe inuites him he yeelds the Court
request him he yeelds likewise but then disgrace auerts him to his study a Library is gotten by this time loue hath strucke him and hee adores the Saint But then some play declaimes against this loue hee quickly is perswaded and followes Poetry Thus my vagabond of vanity is from post to pillar transportâ— because hee trauels without a perfect liceÌ„ce You shall soone discerne him by his arguments and reasons They for the principals flow from one fountaine of ignorance for all his proofe depends vpon I thinke so Euery man saith so All dislike it His very conuersation is infectious but neuer frustrate for either you must follow him and that way you must looke to be a looser or he will follow you and then resolue that your inteÌ„tioÌ„ thriues but badly No obiect no society season thought or language comes amisse or vnexpected his pollicy therefore seekes to be rather frequent then effectuall to run about the world daily then trauell seriously to see a multitude before society and gesse at much rather then know a little In his discourse hee daunces All Trades and flies from field to thicket as being hunted by an Ignis fatuus Talke of Academies and hee tels you Court-newes canuase the state of your question and hee tels you what new booke is extant If you discourse hee still desires the conclusion and is attentiue rather to the sequele then carefull to vnderstand the premisses In his behauiour hee would seeme French Italian Spanish or any thing so he may seeme vn-vulgar accounting it barbarous not to contemne his owne Nation or the common good because he loues to bee more valued by seeming singularly pretious His habite onely discouers him to be true English and to be weary of the place colours his emploiment To liiie with him is all vanity and that life alone his deerest happinesse his death therefore may bee somewhat doubtfull because with it hee hath no Beeing CHARAC. XV. A Gamester IS Fortunes Vassaile temptations Anuile or an out-landish text which may soone be translated into cheaters English He affects gaming from a schoole-boy and superstitiously fore-thinkes how his minde giues him The elements of fire earth and aire be with him alike predominant he iâ— inâ—â—â—med with rage melancholy with thoughts iouiall with fortune but hee neuer weâ—â—â—â— in sorrow or repentance When he looses little you must â—now he looses much for hee loues thaâ— any man should coniecture he is able And though his luck be infinite to win aboundance yet could hee neuer haue the luck to purchase If he quarrelâ— you may protest hee looses â—nd he must scrâ—mble or be beaâ—eâ—â—re hee can bee quiet if hee make peace you must meet him â—n the winning way and then you might more safely swagger with him he loues his owne aduantage well enough to bee a Lawyer but would make a most preposterous Iudge The seuen deadly sinnes sleepe in his pocket and he neuer drawes money but the noise awakes them Pride Lechery Drunkennesse and Gluttony bee his Sabboth sinnes which out of gettings he employes on Festiuals and Sundaies Blasphemy and murther play the Drawers with him and bring the fearefull reckoning of his losses and insteed of Vsury Theft plaies the Scriuener to furnish him with money He can both fast and watch and yet is farre enough from being a true penitent for curses following do discouer why the rest was intended Fortune makes him her most silly States-man shee holds him by the chinne a while but ere hee can recouer what he onely wishes hee sinkes incontinent and worthily for losse and gaine alike encourage him but neuer satisfie If he plaies vpon Ticket hee knowes you are but a simple fellow not able to exact though he resolues to pay nothing so he did neuer purchase if not this way except he borrowes and that extends farre enough to make him the debtor at his owne pleasure If he be perished his restauration is to famine though not degenerate for seeing he was ruind vnder the Goddesse Fortune he may well claime the portion of a rich widdow If neither shee nor any shee-creature else be gratious let him vnpittied proue a Cheater for he thrust himselfe to exile and went to willing bondage CHARACT XVI A Nouice IS one still ready to aske the way yet farre from finding it though you do direct him He is indeed a simple thing of one and twenty that dares safely be a pupill to any Tutor Or take him naturally for a familiar kind of Spaniell that may be readily taken vp and stolne away from himselfe or his best resolutions Hee is euer haunted with a blushing weakenesse and is as willing to embrace any as not to be distastfull vnto any He trusts any mans opinion before his owne and will commit his life to him that can insinuate you get acquaintance with him by a bare salutation drinke to him with a new complement and you haue purchased his entire loue till hee bee cheated The name of Country-man or ciuill carriage vnlockes his Cabinet of intentions till you extract the very quintessence He cannot chuse but be exceeding credulous for he confutes nothing further then his eye-sight or common sense extends Draw him to the paradise of taking all in good part or teach him to apprehend the worst things well by screwing in a meere conceit of your generosity and he wilthrust the ward-ship of his credit Lands or Body to your patronage So you may take reliefe and tender Marriage though his father held not in Knights seruice If you misdoubt he should perceiue you or if you thinke it difficult to deceiue him compare his Title with his Index oâ— both together with his stuffe contained and you may soone discerne him For either vnexpectedly he doth betray himselfe or false fire doth discharge him Being a little boulstred vp with sweete heresies of subtill language and Musicall Tauernes he suddenly beginnes except some charitable hand reclaimes him to mistake Tobacco for a precious hearbe and oftentimes I thinke it cures his raw humour by operation of the price without the Physicke You may easily also driue him to mistake brown paper for Littletons Tenures Canuas and Red Herrings for his fathers hoppe-bagges and Lent prouision I need not say hee will be valorous for Parasites and Cony-catchers know he oftentimes can see hee hath beene cheated and yet his modesty will not suffer him to enforce satisfaction Hee will much wonder at a triuiall euent and thinkes it Witch-craft to foresee disaduantage As for the world Religion or naturall causes he can enquire of them but difficultly beleeue reason In the shutting vp therfore of his folly he doth confesse the character and leaues it to succession CHARAC. XVII An Epicure IS the picture of Some-body or a man of two senses the Eye and the Palate for his smelling propertie is stuffed with the vapours of a full stomacke his hands the instruments of his mouth no senses and the belly hath no cares but a trusse to
proiect and if matter failes hee flyes vpon the Lawyer or flatters his obiect but hee never becomes so excellent that the Creditor of his invention may thinke it a dignitie to haue had such a Debtor and therefore hee payes backe nothing His Apologies discover his shifting cousenage For he attributes the vices of his quill to the Ages infirmitie which endures nothing but amorous delights close bawdry or mirthfull studied Iests As if the ignorance of any Age could hinder a wise mans propositions Hee is a Traded fellow though hee seemes a Scholler but is never free of the Company or accepted till hee hath drunke out his Apprentise-hood among the grand Masters and then with an vnivocall consent hee may commend his Wares turne them into the fashion and dresse over his old Pamphlets to incroach vpon the buyer He presumes much vpon absolute good meanings though the Text bee palpable and yet where hee commends himselfe best hee is not refractorie for hee still promises amendment or some more voluminous worke to gratifie his Benefactors but hee could never liue long enough to finish his miracles But hee is much indebted to the favour of Ladies or at least seemes to haue been graciously rewarded if he affects this humour hee extolls their singular iudgement before he meddles with his matter in question and so selles himselfe fictitiously to the worlds opinion If his handes bee no more actiue then his head hee is guiltie of many a good Scribes idlenesse by making that legible which before Trans-scription might haue been tolerable folly If you be therefore an honest or generous Patron suffer him not to bee printed CHARAC. IIII. A common Player IS a slow Payer seldome a Purchaser never a Puritan The Statute hath done wisely to acknowledge him a Rogue for his chiefe Essence is A dayly Counterfeite Hee hath been familiar so long with out-sides that hee professes himselfe beeing vnknowne to bee an apparant Gentleman But his thinne Felt and his Silke Stockings or his foule Linnen and faire Doublet doe in him bodily reveale the Broaker So beeing not sutable hee proues a Motley his minde obseruing the same fashion of his body both consist of parcells and remnants but his minde hath commonly the newer fashion and the newer stuffe hee would not else hearken so passionatly after new Tunes new Trickes new Devises These together apparrell his braine and vnderstanding whilest hee takes the materialls vpon trust and is himselfe the Taylor to take measure of his soules liking If hee cannot beleeue hee doth coniecture strongly but dares not resolue vpon particulars till he hath either spoken or heard the Epilogue vnlesse he be prevented neither dares hee entitle good things Good vnlesse hee bee heartned on by the Multitude till then hee saith faintly what hee thinkes with a willing purpose to recant or persist So howsoever he pretends to haue a royall Master or Mistresse his wages and dependance proue him to bee the servant of the people The cautions of his iudging humour if hee dares vndertake it bee a certaine number of lying iests against the common Lawyer hansome conceits against the fine Courtiers delicate quirkes against the rich Cuckold a Cittizen shadowed glaunces for good innocent Ladies and Gentlewomen with a nipping scoffe for some honest Iustice who hath once imprisoned him or some thriftie Trades-man who hath allowed him no credit alwayes remembred his obiect is A new Play or A Play newly revived Other Poems hee admits as good fellowes take Tobacco or ignorant Burgesses giue a voyce for company sake as things that neither maintaine nor bee against him Hee can seeme no lesse then one in honour or at least one mounted for vnto miseries which persecute such hee is most incident Hence it proceedes that in the prosperous fortune of a Play frequented hee proues immoderate and falles into a Drunkards paradise till it be last no longer Otherwise when adversities come they come together For Lent and Shroue-tuesday bee not farre asunder then hee is deiected daily and weekely his blessings be neither lame nor monstrous they goe vpon foure legges but moue slowly and make as great a distance betweene their steppes as betweene the foure Tearmes If he marries hee mistakes the Woman for the Boy in Womans attire by not respecting a difference in the mischiefe But so long as hee liues vnmarried he mistakes the Boy or a Whore for the Woman by courting the first on the stage or visiting the second at her devotions Take him at the best he is but a shifting companion for he liues effectually by putting on and putting off If his profession were single hee would thinke himselfe a simple fellow as hee doth all professions besides his owne His owne therefore is compounded of all Natures all Humours all professions Hee is politick enough to perceiue the Common-wealths doubts of his licence and therefore in spight of Parliaments or Statutes he incorporates himselfe by the title of a Brother-hood I need not multiply his character for boyes and euery one will no sooner see men of this Faculty walke along but they will vnasked informe you what hee is by the vulgar denomination CHARAC. V. A Warrener IS an earthly minded man Hee plucks his liuing frō the earths bowels and therfore is his mind most conuersant about that element He liues in a little Arcenall or Watch-tower being well prouided with Engines and Artilery with which like another tyrant he doth encounter the enemies of his Inhabitants that he may engrosse them all the more entirely And yet in some respects he is a good Gouernour for he delights more in the death of an enemy then six subiects The reason is apparant for one foe is able to destroy twenty of his Vassailes and so his gaines be preuented Therefore a Pole-cat and he be at continuall variance yet he is charitable and mercifull for if the Pole-cat turne Ferret and obey him none agree better Hee doth Waive much spoile by his mid-night watches and yet he owes no Lord-ship The truth is tumblers nets and other traffick do escheate to him although the owner be liuing He verifies the prouerbe of plenty as the more he hath the more he doth desire for though his owne ground be full of breeders yet he cannot forbeare to haue his hand in priuate Warrens Hee is much and most perplexed because pales and hedges will not keepe his Cattell in compasse if he cannot therefore compound with the neighbours adiacent he hath a trick to affright those that transgresse their limites by scattering murtherd captiues as Pole-cats and Weasels in their places of refuge And this is a deepe quillet in the profession Besides this he hath little knowledge of moment except the science of making Trappes or circumuention of innocent dogs to feed vermine The chiefe petition of his prayer is for blacke frosts Sunne-shine weather and calme mid-nights vnder the protection of the last he walkes fearelesse with a pike-staffe to exercise the liberty of that season