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A04645 Epicoene, or the silent woman A comedie. Acted in the yeare 1609. By the children of her majesties revels. The author B. I. Jonson, Ben, 1573?-1637. 1620 (1620) STC 14763; ESTC S113330 55,831 102

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can helpe you with one of 'hem Mistris Morose the Groats-worth of wit Epi. But I shall disfurnish you Sir Amorous can you spare it La-F. O yes for a Weeke or so I 'll reade it my selfe to him Epi. No I must doe that Sir that must be my office Mor. Sure hee would doe well inough if hee could sleepe Mor. No I should doe well inough if you could sleepe Haue I no friend that will make her drunke or giue her a little ladanum or opium Tru. Why Sir shee talkes tenne times worse in her sleepe Mor. How Cle. Doe you not know that Sir neuer ceases all night Tru. And snores like a Porcpisce Mor. O redeeme me Fate redeeme me Fate For how how many causes may a man be diuorc'd Nephew Daw I know not truly Sir Tru. Some Diuine must resolue you in that Sir or Canon Lawyer Mor. I will not rest I will not thinke of any other hope or comfort till I know Cle. Alas poore man Tru. You 'll make him mad indeed Ladies if you pursue this Hau. No wee 'll let him breathe now a quarter of an houre or so Cle. By my faith a large Truce Hau. Is that his keeper that is gone with him Daw It is his Nephew Madame La-F. Sir Dauphine Eugenie Cen. He lookes like a very pittifull Knight Daw As can bee This Marriage has put him out of all La-F. He has not a penny in his Purse Madame Daw He is ready to cry all this day La-F. A very Sharke hee set me i' the nicke t'other night at Primero Tru. How these Swabbers talke Cle. I Otters Wine has swell'd their humours aboue a Spring-tide Hau. Good Morose let 's goe in againe I like your couches exceeding well wee 'll goe lie and talke there Epi. I wait on you Madame Tru. 'Slight I will haue 'hem as silent as Signes and their Posts too e're I ha' done Doe you heare Ladie-Bride I pray thee now as thou art a noble Wench continue this Discourse of Dauphine within but prayse him exceedingly Magnifie him with all the height of affection thou canst I haue some purpose in 't and but beate off these two Rookes Iack Daw and his fellow with any discontentment hether and I 'll honour thee for euer Epi. I was about it here It angred me to the soule to heare 'hem beginne to talke so malepert Tru. Pray thee performe it and thou win'st mee an Idolater to thee euerlasting Epi. Will you goe in and heare me doe it Cle. No I 'll stay heere Driue 'hem out of your companie 't is all I aske which cannot bee any way better done then by extolling Dauphine whome they haue so slighted Epi. I warrant you you shall expect one of 'hem presently Cle. What a cast of Kastrils are these to hawke after Ladies thus Tru. I and strike at such an Eagle as Dauphine Cle. Hee will bee madde when wee will tell him Here he comes Act IIII. Scene V. Clerimont Tru-wit Dauphine Daw La-Foole O Sir you are welcome Tru. Where 's thine Vncle Daup. Runne out o'doores in 's Night-caps to talke with a Casuist about his Diuorce It workes admirably Tru. Thou would'st ha' said so and thou had'st been here The Ladies haue laught at thee most Comically since thou wentst Dauphine Cle. And askt if thou wert thine Vncles keeper Tru. And the brace of Babouns answer'd yes and said thou wert a pittifull poore fellow and did'st liue vpon posts and had'st nothing but three Sutes of Apparell and some few Beneuolences that Lords ga'thee to foole to hem and swagger Daup. Let mee not liue I 'll beate 'hem I 'll binde 'hem both to grand Madames Bed postes and haue 'hem bayted with Monkeyes Tru. Thou shalt not need they shall bee beaten to thy hand Dauphine I haue an Execution to serue vpon 'hem I warrant thee shall serue trust my plot Daup. I you haue many plots So you had one to make all the Wenches in loue with mee Tru. Why If I doe not yet afore night as neere as 't is and that they doe not euery one inuite thee and bee ready to scratch for thee take the morgage of my wit Cle. 'Fore God I 'll bee his witnesse thou shalt haue it Dauphine thou shalt bee his Foole for euer if thou doest not Tru. Agreed Perhaps 't will bee the better estate Doe you obserue this Gallerie or rather Lobby indeed Here are a couple of Studies at each end one here will I act such a Tragi-comoedy betweene the Guelphes and the Ghibellines Daw and La-Foole which of 'hem comes out first will I seize on you two shall be the Chorus behind the Arras and whip out betweene the Acts and speake If I doe not make 'hem keepe the peace for this remnant of the day if not of the yeere I haue faild once I heare Daw comming Hide and doe not laugh for Gods sake Daw Which is the way into the Garden trow Tru. O Iack Daw I am glad I haue met with you In good faith I must haue this matter goe no furder betweene you I must ha' it taken vp Daw What matter Sir Betweene whom Tru. Come you disguise it Sir Amorous and you If you loue me Iack you shal make vse of your Philosophy now for this once and deliuer me your Sword This is not the Wedding the Centaures were at though there be a shee-one here The Bride has entreated mee I will see no bloud shed at her Bridall you saw her whisper me ere-while Daw As I hope to finish Tacitus I intend no Murder Tru. Doe you not wait for Sir Amorous Daw Not I by my Knight-hood Tru. And your Schollership too Daw And my Schollership too Tru. Goe to then I returne you your Sword and aske you mercy but put it not vp for you will bee assaulted I vnderstood that you had apprehended it and walkt here to braue him and that you had held your life contemptible in regard of your honour Daw No no no such thing I assure you He and I parted now as good friends as could be Tru. Trust not you to that Visor I saw him since Dinner with another face I haue knowne many men in my time vex'd with losses with deaths and with abuses but so offended a Wight as Sir Amorous did I neuer see or read of For taking away his Guests Sir to day that 's the cause and he declares it behind your back with such threatnings and contempts Hee said to Dauphine you were the errandst Asse Daw I he may say his pleasure Tru. And sweares you are so protested a Coward that hee knowes you will neuer doe him any manly or single right and therefore he will take his course Daw I 'll giue him any satisfaction Sir but fighting Tru. I Sir but who knowes what satisfaction hee 'll take bloud hee thirsts for and bloud hee will haue and where-abouts on you he will haue it who knowes but himselfe Daw I pray you Master Tru-wit be you a Mediator Tru.
Court Mor. Out Rogue and must thou blow thy Horne too Mut. Alas it is a Post from the Court Sir that sayes hee must speake with you paine of death Mor. Paine of thy life be silent Act II. Scene II. True-wit Morose Cutherd BY your leaue Sir I am a stranger here is your name Master Morose is your name Master Morose Fishes Pythagoreans all this is strange What say you Sir nothing Has Harpocrates been here with his Club among you well Sir I will beleeue you to be the man at this time I will venter vpon you Sir Your friends at Court commend 'hem to you Sir Mor. O men O manners was there euer such an impudence Tru. And are extremely sollicitous for you Sir Mor. Whose Knaue are you Tru. Mine owne Knaue and your Compere Sir Mor. Fetch me my Sword Tru. You shall taste the one halfe of my Dagger if you do Groome and you the other if you stirre Sir be patient I charge you in the Kings Name and heare me without insurrection They say you are to marrie to marry doe you marke Sir Mor. How then rude companion Tru. Marry your friends doe wonder Sir the Thames being so neere wherein you may drowne so handsomely or London-bridge at a low fall with a fine leape to hurry you downe the streame or such a delicate Steeple i' the Towne as Bow to vault from or a brauer height as Pauls or if you affected to doe it neerer home and a shorter way an excellent Garret Windore into the street or a Beame in the said Garret with this Halter which they haue sent and desire Hee shewes him a halter that you would sooner commit your graue head to this knot then to the Wed-locke nooze or take a little Sublimate and goe out of the World like a Rat or a Flye as one said with a Straw i' your Arse any way rather then to follow this Goblin Matrimonie Alas Sir doe you euer thinke to find a chaste Wife in these times now when there are so many Masques Playes Puritane Preachings Mad-folkes and other strange fights to be seene daily priuate and publique if you had liu'd in King Etheldred's time Sir or Edward the Confessors you might perhaps haue found in some cold Countrey-Hamlet then a dull frostrie Wench would haue beene contented with one man now they will as soone be pleas'd with one legge or one eye I 'll tell you Sir the monstrous hazards you shall runne with a Wife Mor. Good Sir haue I euer cosen'd any friends of yours of their Land bought their Possessions taken forfeit of their Morgage begg'd a Reuersion from 'hem bastarded their Issue what haue I done that may deserue this Tru. Nothing Sir that I know but your itch of Marriage Mor. Why if I had made an Assassinate vpon your Father vitiated your Mother rauished your Sisters Tru. I would kill you Sir I would kill you if you had Mor. Why you doe more in this Sir It were a vengeance centuple for all facinorous Acts that could be nam'd to doe that you doe Tru. Alas Sir I am but a Messenger I but tell you what you must heare It seemes your friends are carefull after your soules health Sir and would haue you know the danger but you may doe your pleasure for all them I perswade not Sir If after you are marryed your Wife doe run away with a Vaulter or the Frenchman that walkes vpon Ropes or him that daunces the Ijg or a Fencer for his skill at his Weapon why it is not their fault they haue discharged their consciences when you know what may happen Nay suffer valiantly Sir for I must tell you all the perils that you are obnoxious too If shee be faire and young vegetous no Sweet-meates euer drew more Flyes all the Yellow Doublets and great Roses i' the Towne will bee there If foule and crooked shee 'll bee with them and buy those Doublets and Roses Sir If rich and that you marry her Dowry not her shee 'll raigne in your House as imperious as a Widow If Noble all her Kindred will be your Tyrannes If fruitfull as proud as May and humorous as April she must haue her Doctors her Mid-wiues her Nurses her longings euerie houre though it be for the dearest morsell of man If learned there was neuer such a Parrat all your Patrimonie will be too little for the Guests that must be inuited to heare her speake Latine and Greeke and you must lye with her in those Languages too if you will please her If precise you must feast all the silenc'd Brethren once in three dayes salute the Sisters entertayne the whole Family or Wood of 'hem and heare long-winded Exercises Singings and Catechisings which you are not giuen to and yet must giue for to please the zealous Matron your Wife who for the holy cause will cosen you ouer and aboue You begin to sweat Sir but this is not halfe i'faith you may doe your pleasure notwithstanding The Mute is stealing away as I said before I come not to perswade you Vpon my faith Master Seruingman if you doe stirre I will beate you Mor. O what is my sinne what is my sinne Tru. Then if you loue your Wife or rather dote on her Sir O how shee 'll torture you and take pleasure i' your torments you shall lye with her but when shee lists shee will not hurt her beauty her complexion or it must bee for that Iewell or that Pearle when shee do's euery halfe houres pleasure must be bought anew and with the same paine and charge you woo'd her at first Then you must keepe what Seruants she please what company shee will that friend must not visit you without her licence and him shee loues most shee will seeme to hate eagerliest to decline your iealousie or faigne to bee iealous of you first and for that cause goe liue with her she-friend or Cosen at the Colledge that can instruct her in all the Mysteries of writing Letters corrupting Seruants taming Spyes where shee must haue that rich Gowne for such a great day a new one for the next a richer for the third be seru'd in siluer haue the Chamber fill'd with a succession of Groomes Foot-men Vshers and other Messengers besides Embroyderers Iewellers Tyre-women Sempsters Fether-men Perfumers while she feeles not how the Land drops away nor the Acres melt nor foresees the change when the Mercer has your Woods for her Veluets neuer weighes what her Pride costs Sir so she may kisse a Page or a smooth chinne that has the despayre of a Beard be a States-woman know all the Newes what was done at Salisbury what at the Bath what at Court what in Progresse or so shee may censure Poets and Authors and stiles and compare 'hem Daniel with Spenser Iohnson with the tother youth and so foorth or be thought cunning in Controuersies or the very knots of Diuinitie and haue often in her mouth the state of the question and then skip to the