enter here Vnlesse he blacke be you wot where Of the aunswere of a foole to a certaine Duke VNto the pallace of the Poope there came a Duke of late The Popes foole chaunst to mete the Duke before the pallace gate Where is thy master quoth the Duke not farre the foole gan saie For but euen verie now his grace was with his whore at plaie Of Rob. Bartlet and of one that had a foule byg nose and a precious as they terme it BY fortune merry Bartlet saw a man with monstrous Nose Beset with Rubies riche his minde thus Bartlet gan disclose Goodfellow frend quoth Bartlet when wast thou with goldsmith tell The other musing stayd and knew not what to aunswere well I aske quoth Bartlet for because â–ª he cosened thee I see He for a golden nose hath giuen a copper nose to thee The Louer WHo more a wretch then he whom loue â—ormenteth sore With scorchyng heate of Cupids coales he burneth euermore Of Loue. LOue is for to be liked if both loue so as they ought But where one loues the other lothes there loue is vile and nought To Hordenus I Marrige mind thou mockest mee as muche as may be thought If whores I both should hunt and haunt what wouldst thou then say nought Of Alphus NO egge on friday Alphe will eate but drunken he will be On friday still O what a pure religious man is he Of him that is in debt WHo owes much mony still he shunns all company And is like to an owle That in the night doth flye To Ponticus DOst aske why Ponticus I call thee not to supper mine The cause is this thou calst mee not hog Ponticus to thyne To Minsiger AS poore as Irus once thou wast but now thou dost abound With wealth and store by marriage thyne great plenty hast thou found But now thy wife is dead thy coyne thou lashest out amayne Spare Minsiger leâ—t thou become as Irus poore againe Of Squyre an old man flewmatike SQuyre seld or neuer Oysters buyes Squyre eate no oysters will Yet notwithstandyng Squyre spits out and spawleth oysters still Of Cotta AN whore hath Cotta to his wife he knowes it and he sayes One Lampe sufficient is to light ten men and ten alwayes N. NOMAN To B. Bonner ALL men a noughty Bishop did thee call I say thou wast the best of Bishops all To a certaine Papist IT ill beseemeth preistes to weâ— thus Papist thou dost say What well beseemes them then declare with whores to sport and play To a wife whiche set a pot full of flowers in her windowe TO make a fragrant sauour sweet in windowe thou dost set Freshe flowers and for to make them grow thou stinkyng mier dost get Wife cast the mier away or herbs or both I thee desire The flowers they doe not smell so well as ill doth stinke the mire Of a counterfet Diuell BLastus a cunnyng Painter that Apelles past in skill Did paint the Diuell in this wise in forme and fashion ill Monstrous deformed to beholde fierce blacke and horrible Dauntyng the harts of men with dread and feare moste terrible His eyes did shine like sparklyng fire all brode and blasing bright His snout was stretched forth his taile was long and blacke to sight His chappes were great and galping wide all ready to deuoure With long doune dangling iagged beard he looked grim and sower His hornes were like vnto the Moone that glisters in the night His pawes were like fell Harpeyes pawes that scratch and teare out qiâ—ght In right hand stones he clinched fast in lefte he held a booke And eake a payr of beades he had whereon to praie and looke His outwarde garments all were blacke euen suche they were to eye As mopishe Monkes and foolish Friers did weare most commonly A Monke came by by chaunce and sawe the Picture set to showe No where is Blastus saide the Monke is he at home or no Ymarry Blastus answered what is your will with me The Diuelles picture will you buy perchaunce I will said he But tell mee Blastus said the Monke why is he made so fell I like hym not in some respectes in some yet woondrous well Wherefore now breefly Blastus show in fewe declare to mee Why thou hast made hym in suche sort as here I doe hym see Then Blastus answered and said if that you doe not knowe The causes why I made him thus the causes I will showe Well quoth the Monke then tell mee first why didst thou make hym blacke Quoth Blastus for because that he doth faire conditions lacke Quoth Monke why is his beard vnkemd and danglyng downe so lowe Quoth Blastus for because he was an Hermit long ago Why quoth the Monke hath he a tayle he moues to Lechery Why hath he crooked cruell clawes he loues to catche perdie Why in his right hand holds he stones with stones Christ tempted he What booke in lefte hand doth he hold Popes holy lawes they be Why are suche hornes fixt on his front like Moses he in this Yet godly Moses he doth hate this sure and certen is Why is he picturde like a Monke he monkery did deuise Monkes mischeuous he first brought foorth and noughtie Nonnes likewise The Monke no longer now forebeares but for a cudgell feeles And Blastus to auoide the blowes straight takes hym to his heeles The pursie Monke pursues him fast and takes him by the heare And all to thumpes him with his fiste his nailes his face doth teare Better prouoke the fend hymself then monke that ragyng raues Poore Blastus did not know that Monkes were vile and testie knaues An Epitaphe vpon the death of KYNG EDVVARD the 6. WHen EDVVARD prince most excellent fell cankered death did kill When God did giue him place in heauen with Saincts to so iourne still Good Kyng Iosias came to hym and did him fast embrace And said ah welcome brother mine to happy heauenly place Of Lydia SEuen yeares was Lydia linkt and liude with husband hers in deede And all the while poore Lydia lackt and could no children breed She of Phisitions counsell askt their medcines wrought but dull Of Bossus preist she counsell askt and straight way she was full To Florianus THy first wife still thou saist brought thee no childe at all But sure thou sayst thy second wife brought thee a prettie squaule Indeed a brat she did thee bring yet none she did bring thee For it it named thine to be and yet thine not to be To Haerillus NO worke Haerillus doth and yet he labours euermore How labours he euen of the gowte â–ª whiche doth torment hym sore Of Hassus I Did demaund of Hassus how his wife sore sicke did fare She will come shortly well abroade quoth he I take no care Now sure who would not Hassus deeme a Prophet true to be The next day after on a Beare stone dead brought foorth was she Of Furnus a Cuckold MEn say that Furnus iealowes is as quick as Linx
thousande pounde Caecilian did enioye Alofte he hoisted was in Chariot like a Roye When that through Fortunes grace he doubled had his stoore Beholde he went on foote euen like a peisaut poore The game and gaine thou haste and yet to loose doest faine Tell truthe lest Fortune froune and make thee fall againe Against Gargilianus WIl t haue me call thee bountifull when giftes thou doest bestowe On widowes old and senior chuffs that doe in substaunce flowe â–ª Nothyng maie more dishonest beâ— then these thy subtile shifts How canst thou call Gargilian these guiles of thyne thy gifts So by the hooke the flotyng fishe is brought vnto his haue So by the subtile secret baite the selie beast is tane What t is to giue and to bestowe I will declare to thee If thou alreadie doest not knowe Gargilian giue to me Of Philaene PHilaene neuer letteth teares but from one eye to fall And would ye knowe how so it is â–ª she hath but one in all Against Attalus FRende Attal thou derlamest well thou pleadest causes well The Histories doe passe thou makst thy Verses doe excell Thou makest merie Poems and thy Epigrams are fine In Grammer and the course of Starres thy knowledge is deuine Both well thou singest Attalus and dauncest light withall Thy arte doth passe to play on harp or tosse the Tennice ball When nought thou dost is well yet all thou dost thou thinkest right Wilt thou I tell what one thou art Ardelio Thraso like Against Posthumus WHat shall I say this same to be thy garments all and some Do smell of Mirrhe and saue of Mirrhe no sent doth from thee come This Posthumus do I suspect that still thou smellest well But Posthumus he smelles not well who allwaies well doth smell Against Zoilus BY reason of his Couerled foâ—re sick doth Zoilus lye He sicknes faines to shew his clothes of costly purpledye â–ª Braue bed he hath carâ—d curious fine â–ª and painted fair and gay What doth his fained siâ—knes but his substaunce vaine bewray What nedest thou Phisitiâ— us tell they do but thee delude Wilt thou be well take to thee then my homly mantell rude Of Sertorius SErtorius nothyng finisheth all thinges he doth begin When as Sertorius drinkes likewise he makes none end I win Against Apicius THy tounge Apicius taunteth none by it no man is stung Yet Porringers and Platters both complaine still of thy tounge To Fabianus THou beyng honest pure and poore true bothe in tonge and harte â–ª Why doest thou â—â—udge in towne to dwell and from the 〈◊〉 starte â–ª Thou canst not plaie the brokyng bande nor yet the reueller Thou canst not cite for to appeare the guilty trespasser Thou canst not boast and brag it out thou canst do none of these Canus and graâ—â—â— fyre Glaphyrus thou canst not praise and please Wherfore a miser poore thou liust nought gaines thy goodnes thee Be good and neuer shalt thou sure like Philomelus be Of Caerelia and Gellia BEyng a gerle Caerelia calles her selfe an aged dame And Gellia she an aged trot herself a gerle doth name Ne may the one Colinus nor the other be alowde The one she is ridiculous the other curious proude Of his abidyng in the countrey WHen I in countrie foyle sweet sappy rest how I doe spend passe the tyme away If thou do long in few to haue exprest attentiue be and marke what I shall say First serud on knees the Maiestie deuine my seruaunts next ground I ouerlook To euery man his taske I doe assigne when this is done I get me to my booke For coÌ„fortes cause I rub my corps with Oyle for exercise I wrestle now and than With strainyng armes a crash tyrd with toile I merry make endebted to no man I pouder quasse sing play bath sup sleep somtyme by night to studie close I creep To Cinna MIthridates did often ming strong poyson with his wine Because no poyson pestilent should cause hym for to pine So Cinna thou hast wrought a fetch by supping alwayes ill That famine none shall fret thee that no hunger shall thee kill Against Calistratus I Am I graunt and still haue bene Calistrat poore what then Yet do the deeds of mine not lurke in dark obliuions Den My works are red the world throughout and this t is said is he And that that diuers death denies that life hath graunted me But gorgious Mansion house of thine doth glister all with golde Thy Coffers cramd with coyne are worth whole thousands to be solde Great store of Land and goodly ground thy Plowe reares euery year Of goodly weighty flezed sheep whole thousands thou dost shear Lo thus am I and thus art thou but thou canst neuer be As I am of the common crue each one may be like thee Against Gellia WHile of thy gentry thou dost bost and praisest stock of thine To match with one of callyng good forsakes thy fancy fine Tush none without some Senatour my husband I will haue Thou saidst now se at last thou hast a carriar common slaue To Quintianus IN cuttyng cruell cold December When eache to other gifts do render Saue bookes naught then I gaue to thee At home most homely made by mee Perchaunce thou deemst me in thy minde Therefore a sneek bill snudge vnkinde I hate I do protest thee drifts And guilefull giuings of these gifts These gifts ar alwaies fishe hookes like Bayt tucht straight taken is the Pike When as to riche the poore giues nought Then Quint should he be liberall thought To Aulus against Mamercus MAmercus by no maner meanes may broughe and framed be To vse and rule his tonge aright so cankered curst is he Though thou didst passe in pietie the constant Curius quight Although thou Nerua didst surmount for calme and quiet sprite Although for gentle mekenes mild thou Druso didst excell Although for honesty to Marâ— â–ª thou mightst be likened well Although thou didst Mauricus match for equitie and right Although thou couldst as Regulus with filed phrase delight Though pleasaunt Paulus thou didst passe to make a merry Iest. His rustie teeth with rane our fâ—eâ— yet still would bite the best Perchaunce thou Aulus dost hym deeme a man of wicked tonge But hym a wretch deeme I which is mislikt all men among To Gellia WHen so thou sendest me an hare my Gellia still thou â—aist I shal be seuen daies after fair thus still with me thou plaist My Gellia if thou doe not mocke if truth thou do declare I dare be bold to say that thou didst neuer eate an hare That we should benifite our frendes THe crafty thefe from battered chest doth filch thy come awaie The debter nor the interest nor principall will pay The fearefull flame desâ—rdies the goods and letteth nought remaine The barren ground for seede receud restoreth naught againe The subtile harlot naked strips her louer to the skin If thou commit thy self to seas great daunger art thou in Not that thou geuest to thy
By flanckeryng flame of firie loue to cinders men are worne Ah gripyng greefe what hopst thou for poore Louer seely wretch Thou from the midst of flowyng streames hot scaldyng fire dost fetche To Margaris WHen so it raines and Phoebus rayes are couered all with cloudes Then euery thyng remainyng sad in silence pensiue shroudes Therefore muse not my Margaris though sad thou dost mee see Behold mine eyes raine teares and thou my sonne art gone from mee To Corellius A Baker Butcher and a Baude a Cobler and a Cooke Thou art a Marchant Lawier to well skilled in thy booke All these Corellius though thou be yet poore thou art perdy And none in all the cittie liues like thee in miserie How can this be be Corellius I muse and maruell to When as thou canst so many thinges Yet nothyng canst thou doe Of Pontilianus WHen flamyng Phoebus with his heat doth cause the ground to chinke Straight wayes Pontilian thirstie cries boy hither hie with drinke When so it raines lo now saith he God warnes vs to carowse Which all aboute the ground doth so with sleet and showers souse So gullyng thus in sunne nor showers his drinke is not forgot And somwhat still he hath to say why he should tosse the pot AVSONIVS An exhortation vnto modestie MEn say that Kyng Agathocles once fed in potters plate And charged ofte with Samian claie his Tables where he sate Mong which his chargers all of Golde he serued in would see And so together he would minge his pride and pouertee Whereof this cause he gaue Lo I possessyng princely place Of Cicil late was sonne vnto a Potter poore and base Learne hence your roomes to reuerence ye that clime to honour fast And begger brought to honours seate remember what thou wast Of the Picture of Rufus a vaine Rhethorician THe Rhethoricians statue this that Rufus had to name Looke euen what Rufus was hymselfe this Image is the same Tongles and witles cold and deafe a stone that can not see A Rufus right one difference yet more soft was Rufus he Of a woman that would haue poysoned her husbande A Wife a wicked woman that a noughtie life did liue Vnto her iealous husband did foule filthy poyson giue She demyng that alone not of sufficient force to be To rid hym quicklie longing sore his quick dispatche to see Quickesiluer with the poyson mings demyng of both the force Would quickly bring hym to his graue and make hym soone a corse These parted poyson strong do make What man the same would think But put together they preserue Who so thereof doth drinke Now while together twixt themselues these poysons both doe striue He voyds from hym the deadly bane and so remaines aliue What care hoth God on earthly soules he dead reuiueth man. And when the fates will haue it so two poysons proffit can To one that painted Eccho THou wiltles wight what meanes this mad intent To draw my face and forme vnknowne to thee What meanst thou so for to molesten mee Whom neuer eye beheld nor man could see Daughter to talkyng tongue and ayre am I My mother nothyng is when thinges are wayde I am a voyce without the bodies ayde When all the tale is tolde and sentence saide Then I recite the latter ende afreshe In mockyng sort and counterfayting wise Within your eares my chefest harbour lies There doe I wonne not seen with mortall eyes And more to tell and farther to proceede I Eccho hight of men below in ground If thou wilt draw my counterfet indeede Then must thou paint O Painter but a sound An Epitaphe of Anitia THe thynges that many yeres can scantly bryng about Anitia hath accomplisht yet not fullie twentie out An infante she hath suckt a maide she quickly fell in loue She linkt conceiude brought forth did the pangs of child-birthe proue And made a mother now at laste death hence did her remoue Who rightly can the fates accuse she liued hath the yeres Eche ages function to performe as plaine by proofe apperes Of a Hare taken by a Dog-fishe THe sentyng hounds pursude the hastie Hare of foote The selie beast to scape the Dogges did iumpe vppon a roote The rotten scrag it burste from cliffe to Seas he fell Then cride the Hare vnhappie me for now perceiue I well Bothe lande and sea pursue and hate the hurtlesse Hare And eke the dogged skie alofte if so the dog be theare Of Miron an old dottrell that would haue lyen with Lais. OLd Miâ—on Lais wanton wenche to lye with hym besought Fine Lais she did put hym backe and set his sute at nought He knowyng sure it was his age that she did so dispise His hoarie head all ouer straght with blackyng darke he dies And so with wonted visage he but not with wonted heare For to renue his wonted sute goes to his Lays deare But she comparyng head of his and face together well Perchaunce this same is Miron myne quoth she I can not tell So she vncertaine what he was disposde to sport and plaie In daliyng wise thus gan she speake and to her louer saie Why foolishe fellowe fonde quoth she why doest thou this require The thyng thou doest demaunde of me I earst denied thy sire Translated out of twoo Greeke authors Plato and Scatilius A Wretched caitiffe in dispaire went foorth with throtlyng corde To make awaie hymself by hap he founde a golden hoarde He ioyfull t was his happie chaunce this hidden hoarde to finde Forsooke his purpose tooke the gold and left the rope behinde The owner when he came and sawe from thence his ruddocks refte For sorrowe hunge hym self with rope that there behinde was lefte Of Venus in armour DAme Pallas Ladie Venus vewde clad braue in armour bright Let Paris iudge come on quoth she together let vs fight See see quoth Venus how she brags a proude disdainfull dame Thou knowst I smocklesse conquerd thee peace Pallas fie for shame The same otherwise IN compleate Pallas sawe the Ladie Venus stande Who saied let Paris now be Iudge encounter we with hande Replide the Goddesse what skornste thou in armour me That naked erst in Ida mount so foild and conquerd thee Of the picture of Rufus a vaine Rhethoritian of whom there is an Epigram before THis Rufe his Table is can nothyng be more true If Rufus holde his peace this peece and he are one to vewe Of the picture of the same Rufus WIth visage faire that can not speake wouldst knowe what one I am I Marrie I am Rufus he the Rhethoritian What can not Rufus speake hym self he can not tell me why The Image of this Image for he is hym self perdie Of the Table wherein Rufus was painted THe portrature of Rufe this is whiche here you see Muche like the same in deede hym self but where is he Hym self in stately chaire is plast what doeth he there Naught els but what you see hym doe in Table here Of the picture of kyng Craesus