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private_a conjunction_n this_o complaint_n of_o st._n albeit_o touch_v i_o to_o the_o quick_a i_o ask_v he_o whether_o he_o can_v accuse_v i_o of_o so_o foul_a a_o piece_n of_o treachery_n no_o madam_n reply_v st._n albe_n though_o i_o have_v some_o reason_n to_o wonder_v at_o first_o that_o you_o shall_v visit_v my_o wife_n at_o sarcelles_n request_n a_o person_n who_o i_o hate_v and_o who_o i_o have_v ere_o now_o full_a dear_o make_v repent_v of_o his_o insolence_n but_o for_o the_o honour_n which_o he_o have_v to_o be_v your_o kinsman_n yet_o i_o do_v you_o justice_n without_o delay_n i_o think_v you_o be_v impose_v upon_o by_o the_o artifices_fw-la which_o they_o use_v to_o draw_v you_o to_o my_o house_n and_o i_o think_v that_o your_o compliance_n proceed_v only_o from_o your_o civility_n and_o your_o natural_a goodness_n do_v you_o believe_v say_v i_o hasty_o interrupt_v that_o i_o have_v no_o other_o motive_n and_o so_o say_v i_o blush_v and_o fix_v a_o more_o tender_a look_n 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give_v he_o i_o find_v much_o probability_n in_o st._n albe_n relation_n and_o that_o put_v we_o into_o new_a confusion_n for_o i_o can_v not_o forbear_v visit_v madam_n st._n albeit_o without_o deprive_v myself_o of_o her_o husband_n company_n and_o exasperate_a her_o a_o second_o time_n against_o i_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o can_v not_o continue_v my_o visit_n without_o blast_v my_o reputation_n in_o the_o world_n i_o understand_v also_o that_o public_a report_n have_v begin_v to_o bespatter_v i_o already_o by_o give_v out_o upon_o my_o renew_v my_o visit_n to_o madam_n st._n albe_n that_o we_o act_v all_o four_o by_o concert_n and_o that_o st._n albeit_o for_o the_o pleasure_n of_o my_o company_n have_v prostitute_v his_o wife_n to_o sarcelles_n this_o report_n appear_v so_o injurious_a to_o my_o own_o and_o the_o reputation_n of_o st._n albe_n that_o for_o the_o more_o speedy_a stifle_v it_o i_o resolve_v neither_o to_o visit_v st._n albe_n nor_o his_o wife_n any_o more_o sy_n 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upon_o as_o a_o woman_n that_o never_o mind_v any_o thing_n else_o provide_v i_o may_v but_o satisfy_v my_o own_o passion_n however_o i_o deserve_v a_o better_a reputation_n and_o i_o believe_v that_o few_o woman_n will_v have_v have_v the_o courage_n that_o i_o have_v to_o refrain_v the_o company_n of_o a_o person_n i_o love_v when_o i_o have_v so_o favourable_a a_o opportunity_n to_o see_v he_o every_o day_n about_o the_o same_o time_n madam_n st._n albeit_o fall_v sick_a and_o notwithstanding_o all_o the_o remedy_n that_o can_v be_v administer_v to_o she_o she_o die_v of_o the_o small_a pox._n her_o death_n ruin_v st._n albe_n who_o have_v no_o child_n by_o she_o be_v oblige_v to_o restore_v what_o she_o bring_v he_o and_o because_o he_o have_v be_v no_o good_a husband_n of_o his_o own_o estate_n he_o be_v force_v to_o despoil_v himself_o of_o all_o he_o have_v to_o satisfy_v his_o wife_n heir_n so_o that_o he_o fall_v from_o a_o plentiful_a estate_n into_o great_a poverty_n it_o 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but_o the_o tender_a year_n of_o my_o son_n madam_n de_fw-fr st._n albeit_o die_v just_a at_o the_o same_o time_n that_o madam_n de_fw-fr chatillon_n press_v i_o to_o forbear_v insist_v upon_o that_o reason_n but_o st._n albeit_o be_v a_o widower_n i_o think_v it_o become_v i_o not_o to_o marry_v any_o other_o and_o that_o which_o before_o be_v only_o a_o effect_n of_o my_o passion_n be_v now_o a_o reason_n of_o generosity_n i_o be_v rich_a and_o he_o be_v poor_a i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o in_o justice_n refuse_v to_o relieve_v he_o and_o i_o know_v no_o way_n to_o afford_v he_o a_o more_o noble_a relief_n nor_o more_o comformable_a to_o my_o inclination_n then_o to_o
leave_v i_o so_o soon_o as_o he_o have_v humour_a his_o loose_a desire_n what_o a_o troublesome_a thing_n it_o be_v to_o lie_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o certain_a conjuncture_n while_o every_o body_n take_v the_o liberty_n to_o vent_v probability_n for_o truth_n so_o that_o it_o may_v be_v say_v that_o the_o good_a or_o bad_a reputation_n of_o woman_n depend_v upon_o the_o circumstance_n of_o their_o adventure_n beside_o that_o sauveboeuf_n be_v well_o esteem_v in_o the_o parliament_n of_o bourdeaux_n and_o have_v very_o powerful_a friend_n there_o be_v another_o reason_n which_o hinder_v my_o father_n and_o my_o husband_n from_o prosecute_a this_o affair_n nor_o do_v sauveboeuf_n shun_v they_o but_o wait_v on_o they_o himself_o to_o give_v they_o a_o account_n of_o his_o conduct_n and_o among_o other_o thing_n he_o tell_v they_o that_o the_o same_o day_n that_o he_o force_v i_o from_o they_o he_o carry_v i_o back_o to_o the_o nunnery_n which_o i_o leave_v that_o morning_n certain_o they_o must_v have_v be_v most_o dreadful_o prepossess_v against_o i_o to_o question_v my_o innocency_n after_o that_o for_o in_o short_a have_v i_o love_v sauveboeuf_n in_o such_o a_o manner_n as_o they_o seem_v to_o believe_v and_o to_o that_o end_n have_v engage_v he_o to_o force_v i_o out_o of_o their_o hand_n most_o assure_o i_o will_v never_o have_v return_v the_o same_o day_n to_o the_o convent_n i_o shall_v have_v doubtless_o choose_v some_o other_o sanctuary_n nor_o will_v i_o so_o soon_o have_v take_v care_n to_o justify_v myself_o my_o father_n and_o my_o husband_n make_v a_o show_n of_o give_v credit_n to_o what_o sauveboeuf_n tell_v they_o and_o so_o quit_v their_o prosecution_n perhaps_o because_o they_o think_v they_o shall_v get_v nothing_o by_o they_o they_o return_v to_o i_o who_o stay_v all_o this_o while_n in_o the_o convent_n but_o this_o visit_n be_v quite_o different_a from_o the_o former_a they_o both_o of_o they_o disinherit_v i_o neither_o have_v i_o those_o 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i_o again_o i_o must_v never_o expect_v to_o find_v any_o protection_n among_o my_o relation_n and_o thus_o i_o become_v expose_v to_o great_a misfortune_n than_o those_o which_o hitherto_o have_v befall_v i_o some_o time_n after_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v with_o child_n and_o because_o it_o please_v my_o husband_n to_o forget_v that_o we_o have_v be_v together_o near_o two_o day_n when_o he_o come_v the_o first_o time_n with_o my_o father_n to_o the_o convent_n he_o impute_v to_o sauveboeuf_n what_o he_o ought_v not_o to_o have_v impute_v to_o any_o but_o himself_o never_o have_v calumny_n a_o weak_a foundation_n for_o all_o the_o world_n know_v that_o since_o my_o first_o acquaintance_n with_o sauveboeuf_n he_o have_v never_o speak_v to_o i_o but_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o witness_n but_o whether_o it_o be_v that_o my_o husband_n resolve_v to_o ruin_v i_o or_o that_o it_o be_v his_o pleasure_n to_o assert_v a_o untruth_n he_o open_o declare_v that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v with_o child_n by_o he_o then_o i_o foresee_v all_o the_o sorrow_n that_o afterward_o befall_v i_o i_o write_v to_o my_o father_n a_o account_n of_o my_o condition_n and_o of_o the_o injury_n my_o husband_n do_v i_o but_o my_o father_n die_v about_o the_o same_o time_n which_o redound_v still_o to_o my_o disgrace_n and_o become_v a_o addition_n to_o my_o misfortune_n because_o his_o death_n be_v impute_v to_o my_o have_v break_v his_o heart_n nor_o be_v there_o any_o body_n now_o leave_v to_o who_o i_o can_v repair_v for_o succour_n but_o my_o mother_n who_o perfect_o hate_v i_o and_o for_o fear_v i_o shall_v return_v home_o be_v the_o first_o that_o confirm_v my_o husband_n suspicion_n and_o infuse_v into_o he_o thought_n of_o shut_v i_o up_o in_o a_o nunnery_n i_o shall_v not_o say_v anything_o how_o i_o live_v after_o this_o with_o my_o husband_n there_o be_v no_o need_n that_o the_o world_n shall_v be_v inform_v of_o my_o ill_a usage_n to_o beget_v compassion_n of_o my_o misfortune_n my_o condition_n be_v sufficient_a to_o make_v people_n apprehensive_a that_o never_o woman_n be_v more_o unfortunate_a i_o also_o owe_v so_o much_o prudence_n to_o the_o memory_n of_o a_o man_n who_o wife_n i_o be_v to_o say_v nothing_o of_o he_o more_o than_o what_o i_o can_v dispense_v with_o let_v the_o world_n know_v but_o certain_a it_o be_v that_o i_o suffer_v whatever_o cruelty_n and_o scorn_n can_v invent_v to_o torment_v a_o woman_n at_o length_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o that_o despair_n to_o which_o i_o be_v reduce_v and_o dread_v as_o well_o for_o myself_o as_o the_o child_n in_o my_o womb_n all_o those_o dismal_a consequence_n which_o i_o have_v reason_n to_o fear_v once_o more_o i_o think_v it_o my_o best_a way_n to_o commit_v myself_o to_o the_o fortune_n of_o a_o second_o flight_n this_o design_n of_o i_o i_o impart_v to_o balzac_n who_o as_o i_o say_v before_o be_v a_o near_a neighbour_n of_o i_o and_o often_o come_v to_o visit_v i_o he_o advise_v i_o to_o go_v to_o bourdeaux_n and_o complain_v to_o the_o parliament_n this_o no_o question_n be_v good_a counsel_n but_o my_o love_n for_o sauveboeuf_n will_v not_o let_v i_o follow_v it_o and_o force_v i_o to_o take_v a_o bad_a resolution_n i_o go_v to_o the_o marchioness_n of_o r_o for_o the_o vexation_n of_o have_v recourse_n to_o a_o rivaless_n do_v not_o so_o much_o prevail_v with_o i_o as_o the_o hope_n of_o obtain_n by_o her_o assistance_n the_o succour_n and_o protection_n of_o a_o person_n who_o i_o love_v but_o i_o never_o commit_v a_o fault_n in_o my_o life_n for_o which_o i_o deserve_v to_o be_v more_o severe_o rebuke_v than_o this_o yet_o after_o all_o whither_o must_v a_o woman_n carry_v her_o complaint_n when_o she_o be_v altogether_o void_a of_o succour_n and_o have_v also_o a_o prevail_a passion_n in_o her_o heart_n that_o blind_v her_o reason_n sauveboeuf_n be_v in_o languedoc_n and_o the_o marchioness_n as_o jealous_a of_o i_o and_o can_v possible_o be_v of_o she_o find_v a_o mean_n to_o render_v fruitless_a all_o the_o letter_n which_o i_o write_v to_o he_o either_o by_o stop_v they_o or_o by_o prepossess_v he_o against_o i_o at_o least_o this_o be_v what_o i_o imagine_v not_o be_v able_a to_o persuade_v myself_o that_o a_o man_n shall_v testify_v so_o great_a a_o passion_n for_o i_o yet_o never_o write_v i_o back_o one_o answer_v in_o such_o a_o deplorable_a condition_n as_o i_o thus_o it_o be_v that_o i_o be_v well_o enough_o punish_v for_o the_o choice_n i_o have_v make_v of_o the_o marchioness_n house_n not_o that_o the_o marchioness_n fail_v in_o any_o point_n of_o civility_n towards_o i_o but_o on_o the_o other_o side_n do_v i_o a_o thousand_o good_a office_n but_o in_o short_a i_o suffer_v myself_o to_o be_v behold_v to_o a_o woman_n who_o receive_v letter_n every_o day_n from_o sauveboeuf_n while_o i_o can_v hear_v no_o tiding_n what_o be_v become_v of_o he_o i_o find_v i_o be_v too_o unfortunate_a to_o have_v faithful_a friend_n but_o as_o unfortunate_a as_o i_o be_v i_o find_v myself_o vain_a enough_o not_o to_o digest_v the_o see_v another_o so_o severe_o prefer_v before_o i_o i_o resolve_v therefore_o to_o quit_v the_o marchioness_n and_o that_o i_o may_v conceal_v the_o motive_n of_o my_o resolution_n i_o feign_v the_o receipt_n of_o letter_n from_o my_o mother_n who_o have_v send_v for_o i_o to_o lie_v in_o at_o paris_n she_o believe_v it_o or_o else_o she_o dissemble_v the_o believe_v of_o it_o and_o so_o though_o very_o near_o my_o time_n i_o set_v forward_o in_o the_o road_n to_o paris_n not_o know_v where_o to_o lodge_v when_o i_o come_v there_o for_o i_o never_o think_v that_o my_o mother_n will_v ever_o receive_v i_o i_o order_v therefore_o two_o
and_o that_o she_o have_v a_o more_o than_o ordinary_a love_n for_o i_o while_o i_o be_v give_v these_o demonstration_n of_o my_o gratitude_n the_o world_n accustom_a to_o empoyson_v all_o my_o action_n fail_v not_o to_o give_v out_o that_o i_o have_v procure_v a_o employment_n for_o mrs._n laval_n husband_n for_o no_o other_o reason_n but_o because_o i_o be_v in_o love_n with_o he_o but_o i_o shall_v not_o need_v to_o say_v any_o thing_n in_o contradiction_n to_o such_o a_o irrational_a calumny_n as_o for_o st._n albe_n i_o have_v still_o a_o passionate_a love_n for_o he_o and_o i_o answer_v the_o mark_n of_o tenderness_n which_o he_o continual_o give_v i_o as_o much_o as_o decency_n and_o decorum_n will_v permit_v i_o it_o may_v well_o be_v think_v that_o the_o change_n of_o my_o fortune_n be_v no_o small_a pleasure_n to_o he_o and_o i_o must_v confess_v that_o when_o i_o find_v myself_o my_o own_o mistress_n i_o repent_v that_o i_o have_v oblige_v he_o to_o marry_v i_o shall_v have_v be_v overjoy_v to_o have_v make_v he_o a_o sharer_n with_o i_o in_o my_o estate_n it_o be_v true_a he_o be_v not_o my_o equal_a in_o quality_n nor_o rich_a enough_o to_o pretend_v to_o marry_v i_o but_o what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o i_o and_o the_o respect_n with_o which_o he_o have_v always_o accompany_v his_o passion_n make_v i_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o person_n but_o he_o in_o the_o world_n who_o be_v worthy_a of_o i_o but_o there_o be_v no_o ground_n for_o i_o to_o give_v he_o any_o such_o hope_n on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o think_v that_o if_o i_o give_v he_o a_o occasion_n for_o the_o least_o presumption_n it_o will_v but_o serve_v to_o augment_v his_o misfortune_n and_o create_v in_o his_o breast_n a_o great_a contempt_n of_o his_o wife_n therefore_o i_o resolve_v to_o conceal_v from_o he_o more_o than_o ever_o the_o sentiment_n of_o kindness_n which_o i_o have_v for_o he_o i_o pay_v he_o exact_o what_o i_o think_v be_v due_a to_o he_o and_o in_o my_o turn_n offer_v to_o he_o my_o estate_n to_o be_v whole_o at_o his_o service_n i_o desire_v he_o to_o allow_v i_o a_o opportunity_n to_o testify_v my_o gratitude_n to_o he_o but_o at_o the_o same_o time_n i_o conjure_v he_o to_o use_v all_o his_o endeavour_n to_o stifle_v a_o passion_n which_o will_v but_o only_o serve_v to_o render_v he_o unhappy_a he_o love_v i_o with_o so_o much_o delicacy_n that_o he_o dare_v not_o contradict_v the_o resolution_n which_o i_o seem_v to_o have_v take_v to_o forget_v he_o how_o unwilling_a soever_o he_o be_v to_o receive_v the_o money_n which_o i_o send_v he_o he_o only_o accept_v it_o for_o fear_n of_o displease_v i_o and_o fear_v lest_o the_o outward_a mark_n of_o his_o love_n shall_v prove_v at_o length_n offensive_a to_o i_o he_o take_v a_o resolution_n to_o dissemble_v it_o as_o much_o as_o he_o can_v and_o consent_v to_o my_o resolution_n neither_o to_o see_v he_o nor_o admit_v his_o visit_n he_o only_o send_v i_o word_n that_o his_o love_n shall_v last_v as_o long_o as_o he_o live_v but_o that_o he_o will_v never_o give_v i_o a_o occasion_n to_o complain_v of_o he_o this_o submission_n of_o he_o render_v he_o still_o more_o dear_a to_o i_o and_o if_o it_o be_v my_o grief_n that_o i_o can_v not_o do_v for_o he_o what_o i_o will_v it_o be_v my_o equal_a joy_n that_o i_o have_v in_o he_o a_o lover_n who_o be_v proof_n against_o all_o trial_n there_o be_v but_o few_o woman_n perhaps_o who_o be_v capable_a of_o contain_v themselves_o within_o those_o bound_n which_o i_o prescribe_v myself_o perhaps_o because_o they_o know_v not_o how_o to_o relish_v what_o be_v most_o exquisite_a in_o the_o pleasure_n of_o be_v belove_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o of_o opinion_n that_o a_o woman_n may_v dispose_v of_o her_o love_n with_o her_o duty_n yet_o have_v nothing_o to_o upbraid_v herself_o for_o so_o do_v soon_o after_o the_o death_n of_o my_o husband_n i_o have_v several_a considerable_a match_n propound_v to_o i_o by_o several_a people_n however_o what_o i_o have_v suffer_v during_o my_o first_o nuptial_n or_o rather_o my_o love_n for_o st._n albe_n make_v i_o reject_v all_o their_o proposal_n then_o no_o body_n make_v any_o scruple_n of_o keep_v i_o company_n or_o of_o profess_v themselves_o to_o be_v my_o friend_n for_o i_o be_v rich_a and_o my_o wealth_n have_v quite_o deface_v the_o remembrance_n of_o whatever_o have_v be_v invent_v to_o my_o ruin_n then_o i_o understand_v the_o humour_n of_o the_o world_n they_o who_o have_v the_o most_o defame_v i_o be_v the_o first_o that_o seek_v my_o acquaintance_n and_o swear_v that_o they_o never_o give_v credit_n to_o the_o story_n publish_v by_o my_o enemy_n but_o i_o be_v nothing_o dazzle_v with_o this_o change_n i_o know_v still_o how_o to_o distinguish_v people_n that_o have_v be_v kind_a to_o i_o in_o my_o misery_n from_o those_o that_o only_o flatter_v my_o abundance_n the_o affair_n wherein_o the_o death_n of_o my_o husband_n have_v involve_v i_o oblige_v i_o to_o take_v a_o journey_n into_o the_o province_n where_o my_o stay_n be_v long_o than_o i_o expect_v and_o pass_v through_o lion_n i_o understand_v that_o the_o duke_n of_o candale_n lie_v there_o so_o desperate_o sick_a that_o he_o be_v quite_o give_v over_o touch_v with_o this_o news_n and_o forget_v then_o the_o reason_n which_o i_o have_v to_o believe_v he_o none_o of_o my_o friend_n i_o only_o remember_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o i_o and_o i_o think_v it_o my_o duty_n to_o offer_v he_o my_o service_n in_o the_o condition_n he_o be_v in_o so_o soon_o as_o he_o perceive_v i_o he_o can_v not_o forbear_v ask_v i_o pardon_n for_o not_o have_v send_v to_o i_o in_o so_o long_a time_n and_o he_o tell_v i_o sigh_v that_o it_o have_v be_v his_o misfortune_n not_o to_o know_v his_o real_a friend_n i_o answer_v he_o that_o i_o will_v free_o pardon_v he_o what_o be_v past_a provide_v he_o will_v but_o strive_v to_o recover_v his_o health_n he_o reply_v he_o be_v sensible_a he_o shall_v die_v but_o that_o he_o be_v glad_a that_o death_n have_v give_v he_o so_o much_o time_n as_o to_o assure_v i_o that_o he_o always_o have_v a_o great_a esteem_n for_o i_o then_o for_o any_o other_o woman_n after_o that_o he_o tell_v i_o what_o woman_n he_o have_v love_v and_o i_o perceive_v i_o be_v not_o the_o only_a woman_n to_o who_o he_o have_v prove_v inconstant_a oh_o if_o i_o may_v but_o live_v a_o little_a long_o cry_v he_o i_o will_v make_v know_v to_o the_o world_n that_o there_o be_v woman_n both_o of_o merit_n and_o virtue_n and_o my_o example_n shall_v undeceive_v all_o those_o who_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o the_o injury_n that_o be_v do_v '_o they_o i_o can_v not_o forbear_v weep_v see_v he_o persuade_v that_o he_o be_v go_v to_o die_v he_o also_o weep_v himself_o and_o our_o tear_n make_v people_n believe_v that_o there_o have_v be_v a_o mutual_a amour_n between_o we_o thus_o what_o i_o do_v out_o of_o mere_a gratitude_n for_o the_o duke_n of_o candale_n turn_v to_o the_o prejudice_n of_o my_o reputation_n after_o a_o strange_a manner_n so_o true_a it_o be_v that_o when_o a_o woman_n be_v unfortunate_a she_o can_v do_v a_o good_a action_n which_o shall_v not_o be_v construe_v in_o a_o bad_a sense_n for_o present_o it_o be_v spread_v abroad_o that_o i_o have_v be_v drive_v out_o of_o the_o duke_n of_o candale_n chamber_n as_o a_o object_n that_o terrify_v his_o conscience_n but_o what_o will_v not_o people_n say_v when_o they_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o defame_v a_o woman_n however_o i_o be_v little_o move_v with_o these_o rumour_n for_o because_o i_o be_v not_o conscious_a of_o what_o they_o lay_v to_o my_o charge_n i_o think_v it_o my_o duty_n to_o neglect_v '_o they_o nor_o be_v it_o a_o wonder_n that_o i_o be_v not_o more_o cautius_fw-la for_o the_o future_a than_o i_o have_v be_v till_o that_o time_n my_o innocence_n hinder_v i_o still_o from_o keep_v a_o guard_n upon_o myself_o and_o be_v the_o first_o cause_n of_o the_o attack_n that_o be_v make_v upon_o my_o reputation_n i_o shall_v have_v be_v more_o studious_a of_o outward_a appearance_n have_v my_o desire_n be_v more_o irregular_a but_o hypocrisy_n and_o grimace_n seem_v to_o i_o the_o most_o unworthy_a of_o all_o vice_n i_o be_v ignorant_a how_o much_o people_n have_v need_n of_o they_o in_o their_o conversation_n in_o this_o world_n i_o meet_v in_o the_o province_n a_o lady_n who_o misfortune_n have_v render_v she_o no_o less_o illustrious_a than_o myself_o and_o because_o i_o undertake_v to_o write_v these_o memoirs_fw-fr for_o no_o other_o reason_n then_o to_o prove_v that_o people_n be_v frequent_o