joshua_n that_o i_o and_o my_o house_n will_v serve_v the_o lord_n and_o although_o it_o be_v a_o bitter_a pill_n to_o i_o to_o bear_v the_o cross_n before_o yet_o now_o my_o god_n have_v make_v it_o easy_a and_o i_o praise_v the_o lord_n through_o his_o grace_n i_o can_v go_v under_o it_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o comfort_n and_o he_o have_v now_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n of_o his_o work_n in_o those_o thing_n which_o before_o be_v wonderful_a strange_a to_o i_o many_o special_a promise_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n in_o some_o that_o i_o remember_v be_v these_o that_o follow_v viz._n 1_o pet._n 5.6,7_o humble_a yourselves_o therefore_o under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n that_o he_o may_v exalt_v you_o in_o due_a time_n cast_v all_o your_o care_n on_o he_o for_o he_o care_v for_o you_o this_o promise_n i_o have_v find_v of_o a_o truth_n make_v good_a to_o i_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v apply_v it_o often_o and_o have_v find_v the_o comfort_n of_o it_o 2_o con._n 1.29_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o from_o this_o place_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n know_v the_o fullness_n of_o so_o glorious_a a_o portion_n jam._n 1.2,3,4_o count_v it_o all_o joy_n when_o you_o fall_v into_o divers_a temptation_n know_v this_o that_o the_o trial_n of_o your_o faith_n work_v patience_n but_o let_v patience_n have_v her_o perfect_a work_n that_o you_o may_v be_v perfect_a and_o entire_a want_v nothing_o this_o administer_v great_a joy_n to_o i_o against_o all_o temptation_n isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n of_o life_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o tâ—…uy_v and_o eat_v this_o give_v great_a comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o several_a time_n though_o it_o be_v so_o much_o cast_v down_o and_o that_o which_o give_v i_o great_a content_n and_o comfort_n be_v the_o seal_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n give_v evidence_n of_o peace_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n by_o these_o testimony_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o that_o i_o be_o confident_a if_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o with_o his_o spirit_n which_o at_o this_o time_n he_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o i_o can_v be_v content_a to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n or_o lay_v down_o my_o lise_fw-fr for_o his_o glory_n if_o he_o will_v call_v i_o to_o it_o 2._o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v so_o toâ—inrich_v my_o soul_n with_o his_o spirit_n that_o i_o loathe_v the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n when_o they_o will_v draw_v i_o in_o any_o thing_n from_o submit_v to_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n in_o my_o heart_n i_o once_o think_v nothing_o can_v have_v draw_v i_o from_o the_o love_n of_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n but_o now_o i_o do_v as_o much_o disdain_v they_o for_o god_n and_o more_o than_o then_o i_o love_v they_o 3._o i_o desire_v to_o follow_v god_n ordinance_n and_o find_v great_a enlargment_n of_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n both_o to_o and_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o particular_o from_o mr._n s._n mr._n w._n and_o other_o from_o who_o many_o thing_n have_v fall_v that_o have_v much_o refresh_v my_o soul_n and_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n in_o duty_n to_o god_n more_o refresh_v than_o in_o any_o thing_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n because_o of_o a_o free_a submission_n which_o his_o spirit_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n to_o all_o the_o command_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v comfort_n in_o that_o true_a circumcision_n which_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n 5._o i_o find_v every_o every_o day_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o comfort_n in_o god_n that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a and_o i_o bless_v god_n find_v in_o myself_o a_o readiness_n to_o die_v every_o moment_n xxii_o experience_n of_o a._n a._n about_o two_o year_n since_o my_o husband_n be_v sore_o wound_v which_o i_o take_v as_o a_o great_a trial_n not_o have_v above_o a_o month_n to_o go_v with_o child_n and_o i_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o and_o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o be_v up_o all_o my_o child_n be_v sick_a together_o of_o the_o small_a pox._n yet_o all_o this_o do_v not_o work_v upon_o i_o inward_o so_o sensible_o as_o about_o a_o month_n afterward_o that_o one_o of_o my_o child_n die_v sudden_o when_o i_o think_v he_o have_v be_v near_o well_o than_o i_o say_v the_o wage_n of_o sin_n be_v death_n think_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v warn_v i_o by_o fatherly_a threaten_n before_o but_o i_o do_v not_o hearken_v to_o he_o and_o therefore_o i_o think_v he_o smite_v i_o now_o by_o the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n but_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o enter_v into_o any_o particular_a sin_n that_o god_n shall_v strike_v at_o only_o in_o general_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n to_o lay_v open_a my_o sin_n to_o i_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v that_o the_o lord_n take_v my_o child_n so_o sudden_o from_o i_o but_o be_v comfort_v by_o mr._n strong_a in_o some_o sermon_n preach_v from_o the_o word_n the_o church_n to_o paul_n go_v to_o suffer_v at_o jerusalem_n act_v 21.14_o when_o he_o will_v not_o be_v persuade_v we_o cease_v say_v the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v so_o i_o be_v settle_v pretty_a well_o in_o my_o thought_n till_o sudden_o the_o lord_n strike_v the_o elder_a of_o my_o two_o child_n then_o live_v which_o be_v a_o boy_n my_o other_o which_o be_v a_o girl_n i_o do_v not_o so_o much_o value_n but_o now_o i_o do_v and_o know_v god_n mercy_n in_o spare_v she_o but_o my_o child_n that_o then_o dye_v be_v the_o chief_a comfort_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v fix_v upon_o in_o this_o world_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v sleep_v few_o night_n quiet_a i_o desire_v to_o know_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n what_o he_o will_v do_v with_o i_o sometime_o i_o shall_v have_v difpair_v through_o great_a busfeting_n inward_o but_o that_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o sometime_o i_o think_v that_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n be_v hindle_v against_o i_o think_v never_o to_o have_v comfort_n in_o this_o world_n again_o but_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n for_o it_o he_o have_v often_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o i_o have_v think_v he_o do_v it_o in_o love_n to_o i_o yet_o sometime_o i_o have_v fear_v that_o i_o shall_v despair_v and_o that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v against_o i_o in_o it_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o thought_n that_o i_o be_v the_o death_n of_o my_o child_n thus_o i_o have_v be_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_v and_o can_v not_o find_v what_o the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v in_o it_o towards_o i_o and_o i_o have_v fear_n that_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n be_v still_o against_o i_o for_o further_a punishment_n because_o i_o have_v have_v many_o temptation_n upon_o i_o in_o low_a thought_n of_o god_n but_o i_o have_v go_v to_o prayer_n and_o desire_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o and_o discover_v his_o mind_n to_o i_o in_o every_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v and_o have_v find_v a_o willingness_n to_o part_v with_o any_o thing_n even_o to_o cut_v off_o a_o limb_n or_o any_o thing_n if_o i_o can_v find_v out_o what_o it_o be_v and_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v a_o good_a spirit_n resist_v the_o bad_a yet_o i_o have_v be_v under_o much_o fear_n that_o i_o be_v not_o a_o child_n of_o god_n but_o it_o have_v please_v god_n to_o comfort_v i_o in_o this_o that_o paul_n life_n be_v subject_a to_o temptation_n therefore_o i_o have_v hope_n and_o cast_v myself_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n resolve_v that_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v never_o dare_v to_o offend_v willing_o in_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o know_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n yet_o i_o know_v i_o be_o a_o wretched_a sinner_n but_o i_o humble_o desire_v to_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n so_o far_o as_o i_o be_o able_a and_o in_o that_o i_o can_v say_v with_o david_n psal_n 42.1_o as_o the_o heart_n pant_v after_o the_o water-brook_n so_o pant_v my_o soul_n after_o thou_o o_o god_n i_o find_v comfort_n with_o he_o to_o say_v why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n and_o why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v yet_o praise_v he_o for_o the_o help_n of_o his_o countenance_n verse_n 5._o and_o i_o will_v look_v unto_o the_o lord_n with_o the_o prophet_n micha_n i_o will_v wait_v for_o the_o god_n of_o my_o salvation_n my_o god_n will_v hear_v i_o mich._n 7.7_o and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o apply_v several_a promise_n to_o my_o
father_n holdekeeper_n so_o as_o it_o be_v a_o mother_n to_o ten_o child_n a_o mistress_n over_o six_o servant_n none_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n without_o my_o command_n or_o consent_n be_v as_o it_o be_v my_o father_n right_a hand_n from_o who_o i_o have_v this_o authority_n it_o do_v not_o only_o stop_v my_o sorrow_n but_o cause_v a_o exceed_a juyful_a pride_n or_o proud_a joy_n to_o seize_v upon_o my_o heart_n see_v myself_o aâ—_n it_o be_v advance_v be_v respect_v among_o the_o chief_a of_o the_o parish_n who_o be_v my_o mother_n a_o companion_n i_o represent_v her_o person_n when_o i_o be_v among_o they_o then_o begin_v the_o care_n of_o the_o worlâ—_n and_o the_o deceivableness_n of_o vanity_n to_o seize_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o make_v i_o forget_v my_o former_a order_n promise_n and_o intention_n and_o thus_o i_o spend_v almost_o seven_o year_n cumber_v about_o many_o thing_n but_o quite_o neglect_v that_o one_o thing_n which_o iâ—_n needful_a about_o this_o time_n it_o please_v god_n to_o take_v my_o father_n from_o i_o upon_o a_o sudden_a i_o ask_v my_o heart_n what_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o father_n death_n it_o make_v answer_v thus_o because_o thou_o have_v sin_v against_o god_n thou_o have_v not_o only_o omit_v much_o good_a but_o thou_o have_v coâ—…itted_v much_o evil_n thou_o have_v spend_v thy_o time_n idle_o and_o loose_o and_o for_o thy_o sake_n all_o thy_o brother_n and_o sister_n be_v now_o make_v fatherless_a and_o motherless_a thâ—…_n consideration_n make_v such_o a_o deep_a impression_n upon_o thy_o spirit_n that_o i_o refuse_v all_o coâ—…fort_n for_o half_a a_o year_n cry_v out_o continual_o my_o sin_n my_o sin_n woe_n be_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v demand_v by_o divers_a godly_a friend_n and_o reverend_a divine_n what_o those_o sin_n be_v which_o so_o much_o trouble_v i_o i_o tell_v they_o sin_n of_o omission_n sin_n of_o omission_n they_o will_v persuade_v i_o that_o i_o be_v young_a and_o that_o i_o have_v not_o year_n enough_o over_o my_o head_n to_o be_v guilty_a of_o so_o many_o sâ—…s_n by_o omission_n that_o need_v so_o much_o sorrow_n i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o be_v old_a enough_o to_o offend_v god_n and_o to_o provoke_v he_o to_o anger_n indeed_o i_o can_v not_o give_v so_o ready_a account_n of_o my_o sin_n of_o evil_n commit_v and_o of_o good_a omit_v but_o though_o they_o never_o take_v notice_n of_o my_o sin_n yet_o my_o heart_n be_v witness_v against_o i_o thus_o i_o weary_v all_o my_o friend_n with_o my_o excessive_a sorrow_n who_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o more_o than_o they_o have_v do_v with_o one_o consent_n they_o send_v i_o up_o to_o london_n persuade_v i_o that_o the_o word_n of_o god_n be_v more_o plentiful_o preach_v there_o which_o make_v i_o willing_a to_o come_v but_o miss_v of_o my_o brother_n to_o who_o i_o be_v send_v to_o be_v provide_v for_o and_o resolve_v to_o wait_v upon_o some_o gentlewoman_n until_o i_o can_v with_o conveniency_n return_v down_o again_o god_n by_o his_o providence_n bring_v i_o to_o the_o wife_n of_o dr._n page_n minister_n of_o debtford_n from_o who_o i_o receive_v great_a comfort_n but_o in_o a_o short_a time_n god_n take_v he_o from_o we_o all_o who_o death_n be_v great_o lament_v i_o find_v much_o favour_n and_o love_n from_o all_o that_o know_v i_o and_o most_o especial_o from_o mris._n page_n who_o for_o three_o year_n and_o a_o half_a will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v away_o from_o she_o one_o day_n at_o the_o end_n of_o which_o time_n i_o be_v marry_v to_o her_o elder_a son_n than_o live_v we_o have_v not_o be_v long_o marry_v and_o my_o husband_n receive_v his_o portion_n but_o we_o take_v a_o house_n in_o westminster_n intend_v to_o take_v some_o honest_a course_n for_o a_o livelihood_n but_o there_o god_n know_v we_o fall_v acquaint_v with_o some_o company_n which_o do_v not_o only_o cause_v much_o time_n to_o be_v spend_v in_o idleness_n but_o almost_o all_o our_o mean_n one_o man_n especial_o who_o give_v his_o mind_n to_o drink_v and_o other_o vice_n more_o than_o any_o good_a he_o i_o say_v be_v never_o well_o content_v without_o my_o husband_n company_n see_v imminent_a danger_n to_o hang_v over_o our_o head_n by_o reason_n of_o this_o course_n of_o life_n i_o great_o desire_v my_o husband_n to_o refrain_v that_o man_n company_n or_o at_o least_o not_o to_o suffer_v he_o to_o come_v so_o often_o home_n to_o our_o house_n this_o i_o beg_v upon_o my_o knee_n with_o tear_n but_o can_v not_o prevail_v then_o do_v the_o devil_n set_v his_o foot_n into_o my_o heart_n and_o persuade_v i_o that_o by_o the_o commit_n of_o one_o sin_n i_o shall_v prevent_v many_o and_o so_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o murder_v he_o to_o which_o suggestion_n i_o cowardly_o yield_v and_o seek_v all_o opportunity_n to_o perform_v this_o wicked_a act_n here_o i_o deny_v my_o master_n christ_n in_o the_o high_a of_o this_o hatred_n in_o my_o sleep_n i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a large_a chamber_n sit_v behind_o a_o table_n cover_v with_o a_o green_a carpet_n upon_o which_o lie_v all_o manner_n of_o instrument_n which_o proclaim_v death_n sudden_o the_o man_n come_v into_o the_o chamber_n who_o so_o soon_o as_o i_o espy_v to_o be_v alone_o catch_v up_o a_o weapon_n in_o my_o hand_n i_o resolve_v there_o to_o commit_v the_o horrid_a act_n of_o murder_n upon_o his_o body_n but_o god_n who_o watch_v over_o he_o whether_o they_o sleep_v or_o walte_n and_o work_v by_o mean_n and_o without_o mean_n which_o way_n he_o please_v at_o that_o time_n put_v a_o end_n to_o all_o my_o revengeful_a thought_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o hear_v a_o voice_n in_o my_o ear_n say_v vengeance_n be_v i_o to_o which_o voice_n i_o answer_v aloud_o and_o thou_o will_v repay_v o_o lord_n then_o wake_v hear_v myself_o speak_v i_o be_v in_o very_o good_a charity_n with_o he_o and_o leave_v my_o wrong_n to_o god_n but_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n there_o i_o find_v not_o only_o these_o but_o a_o whole_a nest_n of_o most_o diabolical_a and_o wicked_a intention_n which_o my_o god_n be_v please_v by_o his_o prevent_a grace_n to_o smother_v in_o their_o birth_n for_o i_o no_o soon_o have_v conclude_v that_o i_o will_v fulfil_v my_o own_o heart_n lust_n although_o i_o suffcred_a all_o the_o punishment_n due_a for_o such_o and_o such_o like_a sin_n wherein_o i_o run_v away_o from_o my_o captain_n yet_o for_o all_o this_o he_o have_v a_o favour_n towards_o i_o and_o send_v a_o herald_n after_o i_o to_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o but_o than_o begin_v a_o fresh_a batteâ—_n for_o my_o god_n come_v as_o it_o wear_v to_o see_v what_o use_n i_o have_v make_v of_o the_o talon_n that_o he_o have_v give_v i_o he_o find_v it_o not_o only_o wrap_v up_o in_o a_o napkin_n but_o exceed_o abuse_v and_o search_v my_o heart_n what_o find_v he_o there_o but_o a_o sink_n of_o sin_n a_o cage_n of_o unclean_a bird_n and_o den_n of_o thief_n a_o place_n for_o dragon_n for_o the_o scritchowl_a and_o for_o the_o satire_n these_o have_v take_v full_a possession_n there_o be_v no_o room_n for_o my_o god_n they_o keep_v he_o out_o and_o what_o do_v they_o there_o but_o make_v it_o like_o a_o trouble_a sea_n first_o tell_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a than_o can_v be_v forgive_v do_v thou_o not_o know_v say_v they_o that_o thy_o thought-sin_n be_v sufficient_a to_o damn_v thou_o although_o thou_o have_v never_o commit_v any_o actual_o do_v not_o the_o scripture_n say_v plain_o if_o a_o man_n lust_n after_o a_o woman_n he_o have_v commit_v adultery_n which_o commandment_n be_v break_v bring_v death_n i_o than_o take_v a_o view_n of_o all_o the_o ten_o commandment_n write_v in_o the_o moral_a law_n to_o see_v which_o of_o they_o i_o have_v break_v and_o which_o i_o have_v keep_v i_o find_v they_o all_o break_a and_o at_o the_o end_n of_o every_o one_o be_v write_v death_n and_o not_o only_o those_o but_o those_o sweet_a command_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n wherein_o he_o bid_v we_o watch_v and_o pray_v for_o your_o enemy_n seed_n the_o hungry_a clothe_v the_o naked_a love_v one_o another_o all_o which_o i_o have_v likewise_o break_v which_o make_v i_o to_o see_v nothing_o to_o remain_v for_o i_o but_o death_n and_o damnation_n cargue_v then_o with_o myself_o on_o this_o wise_a i_o have_v read_v and_o i_o have_v hear_v that_o almighty_a god_n which_o by_o his_o power_n make_v heaven_n and_o earth_n and_o all_o therein_o have_v send_v his_o son_n to_o die_v for_o sinner_n and_o that_o there_o be_v hope_n through_o his_o death_n that_o i_o shall_v get_v pardon_n i_o have_v no_o soon_o cast_v my_o eye_n upon_o my_o
judgement_n i_o rejoice_v to_o hear_v this_o say_n he_o that_o shall_v come_v will_v come_v and_o will_v not_o tarry_v 8._o i_o desire_v sanctity_n of_o life_n and_o help_v from_o my_o father_n to_o discharge_v my_o duty_n in_o that_o call_v wherein_o god_n have_v place_v i_o 9_o i_o long_o to_o hear_v he_o speak_v who_o say_v in_o the_o omega_n of_o the_o revelation_n behold_v i_o come_v quick_o and_o my_o reward_n be_v with_o i_o even_o so_o come_v lord_n jesus_n come_v quick_o amen_o amen_n m._n k._n xi_o experience_n of_o e._n r._n i_o be_v bear_v and_o breed_v up_o of_o godly_a parent_n yet_o satan_n so_o far_o tempt_v i_o to_o commit_v that_o detestable_a sin_n of_o tell_v a_o lie_n about_o eleven_o year_n of_o age_n against_o a_o sister_n of_o i_o who_o be_v shrewd_o and_o severe_o correct_v by_o my_o parent_n for_o that_o fault_n though_o none_o of_o she_o but_o i_o and_o i_o have_v not_o grace_n at_o that_o time_n to_o lay_v it_o to_o heart_n but_o three_o month_n after_o i_o have_v a_o fit_a of_o sickness_n and_o a_o grievous_a touch_n in_o my_o conscience_n for_o that_o sin_n commit_v against_o god_n and_o my_o sister_n that_o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o desperation_n and_o fear_v that_o the_o horror_n of_o hell-fire_n will_v seize_v on_o my_o soul_n and_o body_n for_o this_o sin_n and_o satan_n tell_v i_o that_o there_o be_v no_o salvation_n for_o i_o for_o god_n know_v i_o not_o neither_o will_v he_o own_v i_o but_o if_o i_o will_v either_o hang_v myself_o or_o cut_v my_o throat_n or_o take_v the_o bedstaff_n to_o thrust_v down_o my_o throat_n than_o i_o shall_v never_o he_o torment_v more_o but_o look_v how_o a_o ox_n die_v so_o shall_v 1_n then_o i_o cry_v out_o to_o my_o parent_n and_o say_v that_o i_o be_v damn_v and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o salvation_n for_o i_o but_o that_o i_o must_v go_v to_o hell_n my_o parent_n watch_v i_o and_o search_v narrow_o to_o see_v what_o instrument_n i_o have_v prepare_v then_o the_o devil_n tempt_v i_o to_o rend_v the_o pillow_n and_o pick_v out_o some_o of_o the_o feather_n to_o swallow_v they_o down_o which_o i_o do_v and_o it_o have_v like_a to_o have_v cost_v i_o my_o life_n for_o i_o be_v very_o nigh_o death_n by_o this_o mean_n my_o parent_n send_v for_o a_o doctor_n to_o administer_v some_o thing_n to_o i_o which_o he_o do_v and_o when_o i_o be_v a_o little_a recover_v they_o send_v for_o mr._n knewstubs_n minister_n in_o edmonds-bury_a and_o mr._n roger_n minister_n of_o dedham_n who_o take_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n with_o i_o and_o ask_v i_o who_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o god_n that_o he_o will_v damn_v i_o they_o ask_v i_o if_o god_n will_v damn_v i_o because_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o he_o i_o answer_v no_o but_o it_o be_v for_o that_o sin_n commit_v against_o god_n and_o my_o innocent_a sister_n they_o ask_v i_o whether_o i_o be_v not_o sorry_a for_o that_o act_n i_o tell_v they_o yes_o i_o have_v cause_n enough_o to_o be_v sorry_a for_o i_o must_v be_v damn_v for_o that_o sin_n then_o they_o ask_v i_o if_o i_o be_v sorry_a with_o all_o my_o heart_n for_o my_o offence_n i_o tell_v they_o i_o have_v great_a reason_n to_o be_v sorry_a for_o by_o this_o i_o have_v lose_v the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o my_o interest_n in_o jesus_n christ_n they_o reply_v that_o christ_n have_v leave_v sweet_a comfort_n for_o penitent_a sinner_n and_o they_o be_v to_o administer_v it_o unto_o they_o but_o i_o reply_v it_o be_v for_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o be_v for_o there_o can_v be_v no_o salvation_n for_o i_o they_o tell_v i_o christ_n die_v for_o sinner_n and_o such_o sinner_n as_o i_o be_v for_o they_o say_v i_o be_v a_o penitent_a sinner_n but_o i_o reply_v christ_n never_o die_v for_o such_o a_o one_o as_o i_o be_v neither_o can_v his_o mercy_n save_o i_o then_o they_o bid_v i_o have_v a_o care_n how_o i_o do_v presumptuous_o go_v about_o to_o judge_v my_o own_o soul_n and_o that_o i_o be_v not_o fit_a to_o judge_v myself_o in_o the_o condition_n i_o be_v under_o for_o it_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n in_o so_o do_v than_o to_o commit_v that_o sin_n of_o lie_v against_o god_n for_o god_n be_v a_o god_n of_o mercy_n but_o i_o have_v no_o mercy_n thus_o rash_o to_o judge_v my_o own_o soul_n i_o reply_v that_o they_o be_v as_o bad_a as_o i_o for_o they_o come_v to_o help_v to_o carry_v my_o soul_n into_o hell_n headlong_o they_o tell_v i_o no_o but_o they_o will_v engage_v their_o soul_n for_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o shall_v sin_v comfort_v from_o they_o in_o christ_n jesus_n with_o that_o i_o cry_v out_o o_o happy_a day_n will_v that_o be_v that_o i_o may_v find_v comfort_n before_o my_o departure_n they_o tell_v i_o that_o christ_n be_v a_o christ_n of_o tenderness_n that_o i_o be_v a_o belove_a christian_a and_o christ_n be_v prepare_v comfort_n for_o i_o and_o it_o be_v christ_n that_o have_v open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v my_o sin_n and_o he_o will_v also_o open_v my_o heart_n to_o loath_a sin_n and_o 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of_o they_o a_o hour_n and_o when_o the_o last_o minister_n pray_v i_o cry_v out_o o_o lord_n my_o god_n my_o king_n and_o saviour_n have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o a_o poor_a distress_a sinner_n then_o master_n rogers_n come_v to_o i_o and_o take_v i_o by_o the_o hand_n and_o say_v that_o he_o be_v glad_a to_o hear_v i_o call_v upon_o the_o lord_n yet_o i_o say_v i_o shall_v be_v damn_v for_o i_o be_v none_o of_o he_o and_o that_o the_o lord_n be_v none_o of_o my_o god_n the_o next_o morning_n i_o have_v some_o comfort_n but_o that_o leave_v i_o again_o and_o i_o be_v under_o the_o same_o condition_n of_o ebbing_n and_o flowring_n for_o sixteen_o week_n together_o before_o i_o have_v any_o firm_a hope_n of_o my_o salration_n and_o have_v take_v no_o rest_n a_o long_a time_n i_o fall_v into_o a_o slumber_n and_o in_o my_o sleep_n i_o imagine_v there_o do_v appear_v unto_o i_o a_o little_a child_n in_o white_a with_o a_o apple_n in_o one_o hand_n and_o a_o white_a wand_n in_o the_o other_o and_o he_o carry_v i_o till_o i_o come_v into_o a_o place_n where_o i_o do_v see_v much_o terror_n of_o fire_n and_o shriek_v and_o a_o great_a deep_a ditch_n where_o be_v nothing_o to_o hold_v by_o yet_o i_o must_v go_v over_o that_o burn_a lake_n and_o he_o take_v the_o white_a wand_n and_o lay_v it_o over_o the_o ditch_n and_o bid_v i_o tread_v upon_o it_o and_o fear_v not_o but_o i_o refuse_v then_o he_o come_v and_o take_v i_o by_o the_o hand_n and_o trundle_v his_o apple_n on_o the_o wand_n which_o bowl_v over_o very_a level_n and_o with_o that_o i_o say_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n therefore_o i_o will_v venture_v and_o do_v venture_v over_o with_o this_o child_n in_o my_o hand_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o shore_n i_o cry_v out_o with_o fear_n my_o lord_n my_o god_n and_o my_o saviour_n be_o i_o in_o hell_n or_o be_o i_o redeem_v out_o of_o hell_n with_o that_o i_o awake_v be_v in_o a_o great_a passion_n and_o fear_n and_o there_o be_v my_o friend_n about_o i_o they_o tell_v i_o i_o be_v redeem_v out_o of_o hell_n i_o ask_v how_o can_v they_o tell_v have_v they_o be_v there_o for_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o have_v be_v new_o there_o then_o i_o cry_v out_o oh_o where_o be_v that_o sweet_a babe_n that_o be_v with_o i_o they_o ask_v i_o what_o babe_n and_o what_o be_v the_o shape_n of_o it_o i_o declare_v unto_o they_o as_o before_o and_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o
the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n and_o all_o that_o be_v within_o i_o praise_v his_o holy_a name_n for_o he_o have_v remember_v i_o in_o my_o low_a and_o trouble_a estate_n because_o his_o mercy_n endure_v for_o ever_o have_v thus_o have_v new_a experience_n of_o god_n readiness_n to_o hear_v and_o help_v when_o i_o call_v upon_o he_o and_o have_v find_v that_o it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o seek_v to_o and_o to_o depend_v upon_o god_n in_o all_o our_o strait_n i_o can_v not_o but_o record_v these_o thing_n that_o so_o every_o one_o that_o be_v godly_a may_v seek_v unto_o he_o in_o a_o time_n wherein_o he_o may_v be_v find_v who_o be_v a_o present_a help_n in_o time_n of_o trouble_n and_o who_o do_v for_o we_o abundant_o above_o what_o we_o can_v ask_v or_o think_v the_o lord_n know_v that_o i_o write_v these_o thing_n for_o no_o other_o end_n but_o that_o god_n may_v have_v the_o glory_n and_o that_o other_o especial_o my_o relation_n may_v be_v encourage_v to_o seek_v god_n in_o their_o strait_n and_o to_o trust_v in_o he_o at_o all_o time_n if_o god_n shall_v please_v to_o bring_v i_o to_o my_o grave_n in_o peace_n let_v this_o be_v the_o text_n at_o my_o funeral_n ephes_n 2.8_o for_o by_o grace_n you_o be_v save_v through_o faith_n this_o scripture_n i_o be_v oft_o put_v upon_o to_o have_v recourse_n to_o in_o time_n of_o temptation_n and_o desertion_n though_o our_o heart_n may_v fail_v we_o and_o our_o flesh_n may_v fail_v we_o yet_o the_o lord_n will_v never_o fail_v we_o amen_n xxxviii_o john_n earl_n of_o rochester_n i_o shall_v conclude_v these_o experience_n with_o a_o account_n of_o one_o of_o the_o most_o illustrious_a instance_n of_o conversion_n that_o have_v happen_v in_o this_o and_o it_o may_v be_v in_o many_o precede_a age_n in_o the_o person_n of_o the_o right_n honourable_a john_n willmot_n late_a earl_n of_o rochester_n who_o name_n for_o irreligion_n and_o vice_n become_v a_o proverb_n and_o who_o extraordinary_a repentance_n be_v a_o 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commit_v all_o kind_n of_o iniquity_n with_o greediness_n and_o after_o his_o return_n from_o his_o travel_n into_o italy_n have_v some_o perferment_n in_o the_o atheistical_a and_o debauch_a court_n of_o k._n charles_n 2._o he_o there_o meet_v with_o encouragement_n &_o countenance_n in_o prosecute_a the_o great_a excess_n &_o extravagancy_n that_o be_v possible_o to_o be_v act_v for_o as_o solomon_n say_v whatsoever_o his_o eye_n desire_v he_o keep_v it_o not_o from_o they_o and_o with_o hold_v his_o heart_n from_o no_o joy_n and_o to_o fortify_v his_o conscience_n against_o any_o conviction_n he_o endeavour_v to_o persuade_v himlelf_n that_o there_o be_v no_o heaven_n nor_o hell_n no_o god_n nor_o devil_n nor_o any_o future_a state_n in_o another_o world_n and_o yet_o because_o at_o some_o interval_n he_o have_v severe_a reflection_n in_o his_o mind_n as_o to_o his_o vicious_a practice_n he_o be_v force_v to_o rid_v himself_o of_o they_o by_o a_o continue_a course_n of_o intemperance_n so_o that_o he_o acknowledge_v that_o for_o five_o year_n together_o he_o be_v continual_o drink_v and_o as_o his_o wickedness_n so_o his_o wit_n and_o part_n be_v extraordinary_a so_o that_o have_v his_o fancy_n fall_v upon_o divine_a subject_n instead_o of_o those_o impure_a and_o silthy_a one_o wherein_o he_o usual_o exercise_v his_o poetry_n he_o may_v probable_o have_v be_v as_o useful_a in_o teach_v virtue_n to_o this_o debaâ—…hed_a generation_n as_o his_o profane_a verse_n have_v be_v mischievous_a and_o hurtful_a in_o promote_a a._n theism_n vice_n and_o lewdness_n as_o to_o all_o outward_a accomplishment_n of_o learning_n and_o education_n he_o be_v therein_o complete_a though_o by_o his_o ill_a management_n they_o be_v at_o length_n miserable_a comfort_n to_o he_o since_o they_o only_o minister_v to_o his_o sin_n and_o make_v his_o example_n the_o more_o fatal_a and_o dangerous_a so_o that_o he_o own_v himself_o to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a of_o sinner_n for_o his_o corrupt_a part_n make_v his_o impiety_n rise_v to_o a_o high_a and_o extraordinary_a pitch_n as_o the_o chief_a of_o angel_n for_o knowledge_n and_o power_n become_v the_o most_o degenerate_a so_o that_o his_o impious_a action_n as_o well_o as_o write_n seem_v to_o soar_v above_o the_o reach_n and_o thought_n of_o other_o man_n take_v as_o much_o pain_n to_o draw_v other_o in_o and_o to_o pervert_v the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o religion_n as_o the_o apostle_n and_o primitive_a saint_n do_v to_o save_v their_o own_o soul_n and_o those_o that_o hear_v they_o for_o this_o be_v the_o heighten_v and_o amaze_a circumstance_n of_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o be_v so_o diligent_a and_o industrious_a to_o recommend_v and_o propagate_v they_o to_o declare_v his_o sin_n as_o sodom_n and_o not_o to_o hide_v it_o frame_v argument_n for_o sin_n make_v proselyte_n to_o it_o and_o write_v panygiricks_n upon_o vice_n sing_v praise_n to_o the_o great_a enemy_n of_o god_n and_o cast_v down_o 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