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A01795 A satirycall dialogue or a sharplye-invectiue conference, betweene Allexander the great, and that truelye woman-hater Diogynes Goddard, William, fl. 1615.; Alexander, the Great, 356-323 B.C.; Diogenes, d. ca. 323 B.C. 1616 (1616) STC 11930; ESTC S105741 24,308 48

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Ye● should I chuse a freind a Courtyer than I would make ●hoise-of fore another man By this example I will plainelie proue That like to courtyers none doe truelie loue Like to apparrell they doe loue theire freind To what like that doe they theire loues extend Like cloathes they loue theire freindes why that is true Iust like em cause they nere loue cloathes but newe Pack hence for such loue should I find of you Allexander NAie fye Diogynes you cann yf list Forbeare to plaie this crabb-sowre satirist I pry thee Cynnick broach thy milder braine And let thy wordes runn in a sweeter vaine In others natures too too much you markst Against theire faultes too rusty ●ond you barkst I doe dislike it I I pry thee cease thou d'st gaine more loue yf thou didst hold thy peace Turne courtyer man come be thou pollitick wise He best wynns loue that best cann sooth-vp vice Diogynes THen I le ' wynn hate nor King nor Clowne I le ' spare Yf they with vices vennym poysned are Yf with Prides swellinge tympany I fynd Theire hartes are once puft-vp I le speake my mind Let 's pate be crownd with hundred thowsand crownes Lett cruell deathe succeed his wrathfull frownes Yet yf in him loathd filthie synns I see Hee shall not in them sooth'd-vp-be by mee I cannot soothe I am not that waies wi●e Who liveth not in vertue dies in vice Allexander THou sayst well Cynnick for I hold this race Of oyld-tongu'd flattrers to be dangerous base The cankerd rust doth not the Iron frett Soe faste as these doe in good natures eate The statelie oake a longer tyme would liue Yf to the Ivie he noe truste did giue But as the Ivie ' ' boute the oake entwyndes To worke his fall so 't fares with flattrers mindes But whether in discourse shall our tongues walke I came not here of court affaires to talke I came to see thy manner kind of life And t' aske thee why thou getst thee not a wife Faith gett thee one I would not lie alone Yf all the world could but afford mee one Diogynes A wife why for my life I cannot see Howe man with woman euer should agree When men goe backward and goe downe the wynd It frettes cuttes galles and greiveth sore the mind When women backward growe and downeward goe Theire spleenes with laughter tickles then I trowe Since theire two natures are soe contrarie I muse howe tweene them cann be sympathie A wife oh fellowe tha' rt a younge man yet Ther'e 's much sowre sawce belonges to that sweete bitt Who would be troubled with the yawling noyse Of a harsh-whewling young childes whympring voice Againe to see em fligger smile and plaie Doth make mee greiue as much an other waie When they doe simper I doe sighe for then I mynd the miseries they l see ere men T would cutt my heart to heare a babe crye dadd Oh giue me meate when t is not to be hadd He that doth wiue for pleasures sole intent T is tenn to one but soone he will repent Who would be bound to scrape pinch carke and care For brattes perhapps that gott by others ate Not I I le ' none of this thing cald a wife Let him take one that 's wearie of his life For hee that alwaies will supplies ' wiues lack Must vnto Nature goe for a steele back A wife I le ha noe wife such sprights will frowne Vnles they er'e a non are coinurd ' downe Againe my little Tubb is too too small To hold my wife my selfe and whom shee 'le call It must not be a smale howse that cann hold A silent man ioynd with a shrill-tongud schold Nowe will hir gossipps come then praie nowe where Is roome for them to chatt and make good cheere And nowe hir old-acquainted freind will come Perhapps to see hir when I 'me from my home Then where's my galleree for them to walk Or anie place for old freindes secrett talk Some what perhapps they l ' doe I should not see Where haue I chambers then for them to bee Not in my Tubb my Tubb ●ath nor the scope For hir to gossip't with hir mates I hope Yet though I haue 〈◊〉 wife with ho●● de●ire My harte is flamd burnt am I with loues fire A loue I haue to whom I will be true Obserue hir partes I will discribe them you My loues pure white hath ne're sustaind a spot She 's wise ●ood rich faire chaste what is shee not Hlr eyes 1 grace 2 speach 3 hath 1 fir'd amaz'd 2 rauisht 3 My harte 1 sence 2 thoughts 3 with loue 1 wonder 2 delight 3 But fyr'd 1 ' mazd 2 sence-rest 3 I sought 1 prayde 2 and wisht 3 To quenche 1 cure 2 and heale 3 loue 1 sence 2 and eyes3-dymd sight Thus eyes 1 grace 2 speache 3 hath fyr'd 1 amazd 2 sence-charmd 3 My thoughts 1 sence 2 witts 3 with loue 1 with feare 2 vnarmd 3 Oh my loue 's fairelie white without a spott Such is hir hue noe staine hir hue can blott Virtue 's that Dame in hir sweete grace I sitt 'T is shee loues me she'es womans oppositt Could I one headles lymb les corp les see To such a one would I betrothed be For had shee nere a head noe tongue shee l haue Nor corps then I de not d●ead the lechrous knaue Nor lymb then should I neuer quiv'ring stand Fearing my eares remembraunce of hir hand Of rope or hangman I was nere afrayde At noe sight quake I but at wife or maide Allexander OH harsh-sowre crabby Cyn●ick still I see To gentle creatures thou wilt stubborne be If with a girle t hast neuer slept a night Thy soule hath neuer tasted sweete delight Such is the femall sex while wife or maide As of them too much good cannot be saide Methinkes the skipping bloud a Virgins grace Which tripps lavaltoes in each maydens face When mens fowle tongues o're-flowes with ribaldery Should make thee loue maides for theire modestie Diogynes MAydens modest what is this modestie ●f t' is in them it is a vice saie I Vertue in women is as cold as Ice Nothinge is warme in them vnlest be vice Thou art a dunce thou haste noe reatche I see Why Maydes at all tymes cann faine modestee Thei l ' blush as oft while they liue single liues As they will weepe when they be mary'd wiues If t was my liste I could a thowsand name That would yf men talke Ill blush at the same Y●t thy themselues their tongues shall nimblie walke Whole nights togeather all in too-broad talk Allexander THou wrongst em soore I doe not think it I That maydens tongues will tripp Immodestlie Diogynes THou doost not doost I prithee think soe still I think thy witt is like a womans will But what thou dost not think I trulie knowe What I haue saide of maydes men shall find ●oe I fellowe fellowe till theire by thems●lu●s Maydes in talke are modest bashfull elues But
doe than For enry night i th' yeare I de buy a man For sisters I maie speake to you my mind When I awakt and lookt my loue to find Feeling for 's neck to claspe that neck of his For 's ruddy lipp hoping that lipp to kisse For 's wanton legg for myne with that t'yntwind And sisters for oh girles you knowe my mind When for these louelie thinges I searcht to see Du● could not find where those sweet things might be With bitter passion I burst out and cryd Wishinge with in my mothers womhe I d'e dy'd Oh sisters oh sweete sisters then did I Wishe fatall Death attache me instauntlie Nowe did I stare aboute nowe did I call But when noe aunswere I could heare at all Vp in my smock I rose and searcht each place Oh girles extreames our sex in loues sweete case Groping behind eache trunck feeling vnder bedd Me thought for him which had my maydenhead And oft I de crye sweete wagg thy selfe disclose For Iv'e another maydenhead to loose But when noe answere I could heare oh then Weeping I sigh'd and went to bedd agen Wher'e one while tumbling that waie other this Nowe should I sighe nowe my poore pillowe kiss● Entwinding it betweene my armes embrace I de hug g't as yf my deare duck were in place Fayning in that my frying passions flame I hottlie chaste loues sweetst delightfull game But when I found my sence deluded soe My passions heate to coldnes then did growe For myssing him I grewe more cold then stone Oh't paynes my heart to telt come lett 's be gone Soe vp they rose but er'e they went I rusht From where I stood at which the wantons blusht Nowe sir I hope you see what modest chatt Young maydes will haue when by themselues theire gott Graues swallowe them were all dead I 'de be gladd The best of wiues or maides are worse then badd Allexander COme come Diogenes although those three In private mirthe exceeded modestie Yet you doe Ill t' accuse soe gennerall Cause one is badd therefore must they be all In soe concludinge very Ill you doe Noe man soe gen'rallie concludes but you Diogynes ANd by your leaue sir I l'e conclude soe still Where one of them is good tenn thowsand's Ill What I haue saide I will re-saie agen Wer't not for them oh blessed were we men Into vs men they eate as rust and moathes Eates into Iron and the fynest cloathes Thou seest this riv'led hollowe-eyd face of mine thou dst little thinke it has beene dect-vp fyne And tricklie trym'd-vp in a womans guise Onelie to dive into their knaueries But dust thou heare I speake it to their praise I haue a mary'd wife beene in my daies At least wise like one for th'e●le yet confesse They once tooke old Diogines for noe lesse Noe butned dublett on my back I bo●e A gowne downe to my heeles wif-like I wore And such attire this head of myne did beare As mary'd wiues in those daies vsd to weare Then to my chynn noe briflye haires were knowne Nay'thad not entertayned anie downe But t was soe soft soe slee● as each man sayd When I past by there goes a wife o● maide My curled locks hang in a careles guize With which the wynd did plaie in wanton wise Like to a wanton I was trymlie drest But why I was soe there consists the iest Allexander WHy wast thou soe I pry thee Cynnick tell Till thou haste told it I shall nere be well Diogines WHy then be Ill in sooth 't is not my liste To make thee laughe for I 'me a Satyrist Againe thy companie I doe brooke soe Ill As I would haue thee gone had I my will Allexander WHy tel 't mee then and instantlie shalt see I will departe and gett me hence from thee Diogynes ON that condition I will telt why knowe This was the cause I went disguised soe The Dames of Athens merrye wenches be And vnto meetings giv'n-are much you see To gossip't with them I did long time longe To heare the verdict of eache womans tongue For well knewe I when wiues are gott with wiues There 's tryalls to be heard of husbands liues False accusations cruell Iudgments then Vnmercy fullie passe vppon poore men To heare all which tooth hazard of my life I tooke on mee the habitt of a wife And well I womand it when I did walk But when at table I were sett to talk Then did my tongue betraye me for I trowe It prou'd a Iade in pace t' was dull and slowe I mumping satt I could not for my life Make my tongue gallopp like a marry'd wife T was cause I lackt theire arte to spur it vp Euer anan with a full sugerd ' cupp Yet wiud I it the best that I could doe And nowe and then raild on my husband too But marke mee nowe nowe to my tale I goe The Cynnycks discription of the manner of womens gossypping AS at our meate we satt t was hard to knowe Whether our teeth or tongues did fastest goe At tables vpper end in cheifest place Satt maddam Will in reeling drunken case Light in atire shee was shee s womens god They hir true subiects be but she'es mans rodd Nothing by Will at anie tyme is saide But is by wiues and widdowes still obayd VVills Oration SVbiectes quoth maddam Will I here am sett Not alltogeather to se howe you eate Nor came I whollie to participate With this your freelie-spoken merrye prate But chieflie why amongst you nowe I come Is to knowe howe eache wife fares in hir home Howe by hir husband shee is dailie vsd Whether she'es well-entreated or abusd Therefore yf anie of you suffer greife Know 't I am Will and will yeild you releife Be bold to speake I am the wiues delight And euer was and wil be th'usbandes spight I l'e sut as Iudge vppon these wicked men Doe you accuse and I l'e guie s●ntence then The old vviues complaynt againste hir younge husband AT which old Crona with hir redd-bleare eys From of the stoole she satt did straytewayes rise And out aloude to Will for iustice cryes Quothe she mysou'raygne Queene 't is not with tongue I able am t'expres my dayelie wronge Three husbandes haue I had two old in truth But they the cropping had of my greene youth In lewe of whith to thin'k on 't nowe I 'me sadd They left me all the goodes and gold they had With Cattell sto'rd-was all my pasture growndes With fyne woold bleating sheepe 〈…〉 downes Crambd'was my barnes my cheste with in 't did hold Manie a Princes picture in puere gold and while they liv'd that thing was wondrous skant That Crona euer did speake-for and want Then in wealthes pleasures I did swymm and floate But out alas that e're old fooles should doate For since theire deathes oh Queene I spea kt ' with ruth Fond-foolish I sett my loue on a youth Making him maister and possessor quite In hope heed ' doe to mee all true