chooses any of the broad wayes that sin presents before it The difficulties that this holy Woman found in it she hath here declared and directed to be made publick partly to bear her Testimony against those who think otherwise She was careful that it might be in terms that should give no just offence fearing to offend the Jew or Greek or Church of Christ and endeavouring so much as she could without sin to comply with all that she might gain some to which end though she wrote it not with her own hand as being too infirm for such a work yet having dictated it she oft examned it and caused some alterations te be made in it after they were wrote so that a Will wrote by a Lawyer or Ser. vener is no less truly the Testators than this was hers Before I end this Preface give me leave to inform you into what famâ—liarity she was groan with Death some months before she met with it It is called in Scripture the King of Terrors and notâ—riously known to have amazed the bâ—ldest Constitutions yea and those somâ—times who have attained to good measures in grace But God to shew his Soveraignty bound this Leviathan for his Handmaid to play with and made it her servant insomuch as she called it her Fathers man sent to fetch her from School And upon a time about two wonths before she dyed sitting with her she fell into this discourse with me My dear said she I shall be in Heaven this Winter I pray take care of this poor body of mine when I am dead for Death cannot separate it from Christ and therefore see that it be used comely Let me beg you to close mine eyes your self and let not foolish passion keep you from rejoycing at my happiness in that hour Let my chin be kept from falling by pinning the ends of my pinner under it and when it is stiff with cold then leave them loose but put on no mufler When I am put in my Coffin raise my head with a small pillow and turn it to one side that it may resemble sleep and as little of ghastliness appear in it as may be Were it your lot to depart before me I would do the like for you and more not out of hardness of heart but intire love As inconsiderable as this may seem I know not why it should not be here recorded as well as Joseph's charge to his Brethren concerâ—ing his bones in the Scripture being an act of Faith as his was Being not like ever to meet with such a subject whilst I live I would willingly make this Entry larger but mine heart so much affects mine eyes that I cannot see to hold open the door any longer CONVERSION Exemplified MY Birth being in a Family which according to the value put upon things oâ— that nature is able to make as large a demonstration of Antiquity from honourable Ancestors as the generality of that rank of Persons can do I had withall the Blessing of that Education in it which might free me from being a dishonour to it being bred in the best and most ingenious wayes that that place and the distraction of the times by reason of civil Wars which began in my Childhood and continued till my grown Age could afford It was to the best of my remembrance about the tenth year of my age when God who is rich in mercy began to declare a design upon me locked up in the secret of his Counsels before the foundations of the World were laid of bringing me to the knowledge of himself in the face of Jesus Christ to whom though I was born an Enemy and of whose Natures Persons Officâ—s and Ordinances I was stupidly ignorant yet by the work of his own Spirit and â—ffâ—ctual teachingâ— of it I became so well acquainted with those great Mysteres in the true substance of them and that without the ordinary help of mans teaching of which that place was wanting as I was thereby in the infancy of my life enabled to receive the satisfaction of a Mediator to the justification of my person and the Spirit of the same Mediator for the sanctification of my nature and that some years before I understood them in their distinct and proper terms Upon this so choice and signal Love I cannot think at any time seriously without washing the â—eet of him with Tears who loved me and washed me in his own Blood To him be Glory for ever The method which the holy Ghost used in bringing me to God through Christ was that which he observes in the ordinary exeâ—utiâ—â— of his work as I have since been informed by Teachers of the Gospel and experienced Christians with whom then I had not the like acquaintance and it was first by convincing me of sin and then of righteousness the manner thuâ— Satan mingled his tâ—mptation with a childish disposition of waggery in me and stirred me up to hurt one of my Brothers in his slâ—â—p out of no reason but an inclination to do harm God who wants not means to break the Serpents head took accasion from hence to present me with the view of my nature how vile it was that it should be acting in me to provoke me to hurt an innocent Babe in his sleep yea a Brother who was as dear to me as mine own life A window being thus opened plenty of Light shed it self in whereby I was discovered to my self and that discovery was attended with so much terrour and sence of eternal wrath from God due to me a guilty sinner as the Bed I then lay upon afforded me no ease from which I arose in the dark and silent night to lamâ—nâ— my self and wosul state It was a dreadâ—ul time never to be forgotten of me Satan finding himself under so unexpected a defeat pursued his work to countermine the work of God thus begun in me and in order thereunto bespread my troubled soul with plenty of fiery Darts The first that he prest me to was Murther and that of my near Relations this by the assistance of God I soon cast out being convinced how impious abominable and unnatural it was to destroy my best Friends Then he urged me to make away my self as a Reprobaâ—e without hope but this I looked atas more unnatural than the other Nature as polluted as it was stood amazed and exâ—rcised great reluctancy against these bâ—oody Temptations Nevertheless perplex'd I was in a dreadful measure and knew not what to do Gospel I was ignorant of though I had read it often for the vaile was over my heart and the Scriptures were to me a Book clasped up having neither from Sermons or Conferences ever received help or light whereby spâ—ritually to understand them without which they are but a dead and deadly letter To communicate my condition to any I judged it most unadvised because I knew none that understood it For for those of my acquainiance who I did think knew most of the way to
CONVERSION EXEMPLIFIED In the Instance of a Gracious Gentlewoman Now in Glory Wrâ—tten from her own mouth and Appointment by her dearest Friend And Published in pursuance of her desires for common benefit but especially for her near Relations in the flesh London Printed in the Year 1669. AN EPISTLE TO THE READER READER THe following History contains a Natrative of the Work of Conversion upon a Gentlewoman why now enjoyes the harvest of that seed time in Glory At the day of Judgment she will come again brâ—nging her sheaves with her having as you may here read sown in tears The unusual way of her translation out of the power of Satan into the Kingdom of Christ imprest so deep upon her heart so oft as she reflected on it as though her conscience was sprinkled with the blood of the Covenant yet she could not quietly think on dying till she had caused as much as in so languishing an estate as she was in she could call to mind to be written down that by the publishing of it God might be glorified and souls by her example receive some guidance comfort and establishment The greatest discouragement she herein met with was from a secret stirring of vain ostentation which she was so great an enemy to as she sometime thought it were better not let these things be known than to encline to seek her own name in them But she then considered that if a Christian should omit service till he be perfectly free from sinful self-seeking no duty should be done on this side Heaven â—herefore she proceeded in her purpose only desiring that her name should not be printed with it It would fill a bigger book than this which she directed to be written to give the Grace of Christ in her its full due But my design is brevity to which yet I am not under so strict an Obligation as to make me wholly silent while I have a duty to discharge to a Saint whose Faith though she be dead speaketh so exceeding loud Permit me then to write her Character truly and shortly In freedom from guile she was as if she had been twin-sister to Nathaniel and sole-daughter and heretrix to plain-hearted Jacob. Love to Christ and his Members burnt so hot in her in this frigid age wherein all seek their own as it drank up her radical moisture in a degree to the shortning of her life She did bear the suffering of enemies very uneasily but the wants of friends and relations especially if they were in Christ mingled her pleasant things with gall and wormwood Except in a very few instances I never knew such a Wife such a Child such a Sister such a Mother-in-law such a Friend for reality and ardency of love 'T is prodigious to this luke-warm age to lose such a pattern in the prime of her dayes Such was herself denial humility and constant sence of sin as seldom did any sound come from her lips in which she did not complain of and condemn her self and in private it was her constant practice Never such a sinner pardoned and saved was her daily cry In the description of natural and moral Excellencies I have seen Volumes written of Subjects much inferiour I shall satisfie my self in saying only That in her I have seen an end of those Perfections The heart and bowels are of great use in Nature being both architectonical paris and the seat of affections They were in her of so tender a composition as the fall of her earthly tabernacle at them commenced being deeply wounded at the calamities of Sufferers who sometimes on one side sometimes on another this divided Kingdom hath exposed to that condition Without repentance I am assured God will have an account of her blood of many instruments of cruelty who little think they had any hand in it sins of ignorance being in their nature no more venial than those against knowledge though they are less heinous Her eyes were wholly deprived of their beloved rest from Friday night till Tuesday afternoon when death closed them so far as those about her could discern Much about two compleat dayes and nights she wrestled under more immediate gripes of death and it was that what God had in so great plenty given her might have its due exercise for his glory It was indeed a time of sharp tryal but not the least prevailing against her faith and patience Her saying was My pain is great but God is good still He restrains Satan from troubling me in the least I feel no ravishing joy but I have setled peace in believing I was wont to be troubled at the consideration of the putrâ—faction of my body in the grave that it must be separated from the society of men and be wrapt up in darkness but I am now beyond all those things and long to be at rest In words to this purpose she oft exprest her mind Once she said It is hard work to be under the Arrest of Death as I am with all my sences in their free exercise She oft expressed fear of being held long under those pains yet with child like submission like that of Christ when he prayed that the Cup might pass from him which he was drinking And they were both heard in the thing they feaâ—ed for the Cup passed from Christ so soon as his prayer was ended and her patience was protracted till Death had set her free On the Monday morning before she dyed a worthy Friend of Mr. Caryl hers and choice Minister of the Gospel came to see her and spake to her of the Glory she was going into and the way God had led her in unto it and prayed with her When he had taken his leave she told me she perceived he was sent of God to scatter some Clouds that were gathering about her when he came in but his gracious Words had chased away that darkness During the seven years wherein I enjoyed her she would very frequently issue forth in discourse of Eternity and often would say What shall I do when I come to lanch into that Ocean The frequent contemplation of it made it easie to her at last for when her time came to change her station she did it with such chearfulness that her dear Friends and Acquaintance seeing her had their sorrow for parting with it ballanced with Joy So deep was the sence she had of the state of souls departed in regard of the unchangeableness of their condition as I have known her shed plenty of tears for some whose lives gave little hopes though she had no relation to them None needed other attractive of her love than to walk with God and endeavour to rescue souls from Satan She loved Children exceedingly and could not bear their hard usage and would frequently say she hated the name of a Mother-in-law and could not endure to think her self in that relation because it was generally the occasion of so much cruelty and wrong When she met with any poor
did sometime utter them and interposed this suggestion That there was no such enjoyment of God after death as men talked on and to make it good instanced in those who were raised from the dead as Lazarus Doâ—cas and those that arose at the Resurrection of Christ and went into the City and appeared to many none of all which made any report of what they had seen which no doubt they would have done if they had been partakers of such happiness as some speak of My curiosity in this God reproved in the words spoken to Job Chap. 38. 17. Have the gates of death been opened unto thee or hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death As if he should say The things thou enquirest after are secrets not to be pryed into In the beginning of that Chapter I also read how God argued Job and in him me into a conviction of what a poor worm man is as being unable to search into or give an account of his wonders wrought without number And for my confirmation in the belief of the happiness of Saints departed presented to me John 14. 1. Let not your hearts be troubled ye bâ—liâ—ve in God believe also in me In my Fathers House are many Mansions if it were not so I would have told you I go to prepare a place for you and if I go to prepare a place for you I will come again and receive you to myself that where I am there ye may be also This instructed me and hinted to me my atheism and unbelief as the proper root of such thoughts as I had been tampering with it thereupon humbled me and drew me nearer to Christ One thing I may not here omit being a very confiderable note for practical direction Upon a certain day about this time the Lords Supper was to he câ—lehrated by the Church â— Wesiâ—inâ—â—er into the fellowship of which I had through great mercy obtained â—dmissâ—â—n In the morning before I went I had a great indispâ—sâ—dness to go and would â—â—ve been glad of any slight hinderance yet 〈◊〉 up by confiâ—â—ring Heb. 10. 25. Forsake â—â—â— the assembling of your selves â—â—â—â—ther as the manner of some is I went when I came theâ—e Mr. Roe the Pastor of that Church was carrying on a discourse the subject of which was Sanctified Affections in the prosecution of which before and after that day he spent much time That which he spake then was by the presence of God much set upon my heart notwithstanding the dead frame I came thither in Sermon being ended I went to the place where the Church met to break Bread that I might likewise partake of that Institution There God met me with greater enlargement of heart in the sense of his rich Grace set forth in that Ordinance than to my remembrance I ever had before or since It put me into a deep mourning over a sinful heart and made me press after a more clear manifestation of my being at peace with him by a holy conversation To this God gave in a promise containing both Micah 7. 19. He will subdue our iniquities and thou wilt cast all our sins into the depth of the Sea To bury sin in the satisfaction made for it and to subdue it in respect of the reign of it are the highest attainments on this side Heaven where the remains of it will in like manner be removed That perfection which some pretend unto is to common observation an imaginary dream For while their Conversations are compared to that rule the least transgrestion whereof is sin their imperfections are so far from being concealed as indeed they appear to be worse spots than the spots of God's Children These being the most remarkable things which I remember did attend my being at Whitehal I think it my duty to say something of the mind I brought thither and the change wrought in it there My birth and education was from those who had dependance upon the Court of the late King whose interest was so much woven into his that in the late miserable Wars they did adhere to him to the great reducement of their Families of which I being one had a deep share of suffering and was accordingly imbittered against the instruments of it I came not only out of the Country with this mind but I brought it into his Family who had been a chief instrument of those great Changes against whose person partly upon the former reason but principally from the stories I had heard of him I had sufficient prejudice Now that I may right him for the wrong I have done him in my thoughts and it may be in my words too sometimes I cannot so comfortably leave the world without declaring what I found from him wherein if I could sufficiently demonstrate how little I am by assed by carnal worldly motives that which I say would gain the greater acceptance That many of his â—ctions had that either for the matter of them opr maner in which or end to which they were done as to provoke God to pour contempt and suffering upon him and his in the view of the world since his death and that most justly for God doth nothing unjustly is most evidert teaching us to tremble before him alwayes For even our God is a consuming fire Yet nothwithstanding I should bury the truth in unrighteousness did I not from many observations declare that he was in my opinion a man of greater Faith and Holiness than is almost to be found among the sons of men One who had the clear understanding of Gospel-truth and lived in the power of it the times of his surprizal in strong temptation excepted One to whom Christ was dear and every thing that seemed to have any thing of Christ stampt on it without distinctions of this or that Sect. Whence I have heard knowing men say and I believe truly That he was apt to indulge pretenders to Holiness to the apparent hurt of his outward interest as fearful to beat down any thing which God would have stand And hath been heard to say That there were few Sects among Christians in which something of God was not to be found which must not be destroyed How some of them did requite him I doubt not but they have had leisure since to consider or will have And as to the Cause which he was so great a paâ—â—on of it was Publick Reformation which when the means to effect it is vindicated from those just scandals which Professors of Religion have brought upon it I doubt no more of the resurrection of it than of mine own at the last day And when wicked men have finished their transgressions and fill'd their measures they shall receive the reward of them God will judge me very shortly as to what I say herein and hath judged some already of whom I speak and will judge the rest before another Age be past and that will not be long to Him therefore and his righteous Judgement I