Medicina Animae Or The LAMENTATION And CONSOLATION of a Sinner Together with severall Collections out of the Holy Scriptures By Joshua Mullard I sayd I will confesse my sinnes unto the Lord and so thou forgavest the wickednesse of my sin Psa 32.6 LONDON Printed by Tho. Harper 1652. To the Reader GEntle Reader I began some part of this Penitentiall Meditation long since when it pleased Almighty God to give me a sight of my sinnes and grace to hate and forsake them It may seeme strange that I should make a publicke confession of them when they are only knowne to Almighty God and my selfe But I find David confessing his Adultery and Manasses his Idolatry and S. Paul confessing himselfe to be the greatest of sinners and also I finde that whosoever confesseth his sinnes and forsaketh them shall find mercy I must confesse I did not intend to publish them but that I was prest by many of my friends to it but more especially when I had read the judgement pronounced against the unprofitable servant that hid his Talent Matth. 25.30 I thought it more safety to shew my imperfections to men then to disobey my Redeemer and to lose my Talent I desire thee Reader to read it all over before thou censure and to pardon the imperfections thou meetst with J. M. Medicina Animae Or The great Wound cured Being Pious Meditations and Prayers on the Lamentation and Consolation of a Sinner CHAP. I. O Who shall give water to my head and a fountaine of teares to my eyes that I may bee able to bewayle the losses of my soule with greefe agreeable thereunto for there is a manifest and great cause of sorrow when with the sight of my minde I doe behold my ancient dayes and my youthfull years in this Meditation my spirit hath fayled mee for I know what I was nay rather what I should have beene and understand what I am and fear what I shall be And the lesse I sorrow so much more doe I feare I would to God I sorrowed more that I might fear less But woe to me O Lord for now a long time thou smitest and yet I sorrow not Thou callest me and yet I heare not thou knockest and yet I open not the barre of my hard heart unto thee The sorrows of Death compassed mee round about and being filled with many sorrowes without I feele inwardly no sorrow that may work unto salvation and I feele not onely sorrowes of old age but I am a man of sorrow from my youth upward and all my dayes are full of travell and griefe and yet I sorrow because that alwayes sorrowing I cannot sorrow as I ought to sorrow O marvellous and unspeakable wisdome of the heavenly Physitian O wonderfull goodnesse of the most mercifull God! O singular benefit of him that is the Giver of all good things for thou O Lord givest unto me sorrow lest I should parish in pleasures and that I may learn to rejoyce without offence thou givest me sorrow for a time that I may not suffer everlasting paine thou afflictest my body that thou mayst save my soule Thou scourgest that thou mayest heale thou killest that thou mayest quicken But alas how unwillingly doe I receive thy salve out of the secret hand of thy mercy and being ignorant doe not acknowledge the sovereigne medicine of healthfull sorrow wherein thou art mercifully severe against me and how doe I acknowledge it if earnestly I desire to be delivered from sorrow who without sorrow cannot bee healed for how can hee bee healed without sorrow who by delight is made sicke Therefore O Lord make mee to sorrow and teach mee a saving sorrow that my griefe may bee turned into joy and that I may rejoyce in thy salvation CHAP. II. DAyes passe away and yeeres slide away but I unhappy man after so many corruptions of my soule after so most grievous and long follies doe not yet repent nor am not afflicted for my sinnes but continue the often falling into them againe and care not for rising from heaping new unto old and greater unto lesse What shall I doe O Lord or whither shall I goe when my last time shall come where shall I be hidden from thy wrathfull countenance or whither shall I flie away from thy face when thou shalt call mee unto judgement and require of me an account of the talent bestowd upon me what shall I answer unto thee or how shall I excuse my negligence when thou shalt sit upon thy throne of Majesty and command me to give an account of my stewardship to the uttermost farthing Surely I have nothing to say but Lord I beseech thee to answer for me for who am I that I should answer to thee in judgement but if thou compell me to answer I wil say as a man confounded trembling and fearing O Lord I have gayned nothing thereupon but have wickedly and vainely mispent and consumed thy talent by my base living I should better have sayd by dying but then I thought I lived but I was dead because I lived without thee my true life yea the life of a wicked man may rather bee called death then life I may say I sooner began to die then live first I did not understand what life was when I had forsaken the life of lives and fountaine of life And mallice did supplant my yong age in manifold wickednesses I was scarce come out of my mothers womb but I was already a sinner comming into the world being yet ignorant of sinne I did bewaile the sinnes wherein my parents begot me neyther did I altogether leave bewailing others sinnes when I committed my own which I knew and did not bewayle Being an Infant I followed iniquity and spent my childhood wherin I should have beene pure impurely There breathed slimy vapours from the sinfull corruptions of my flesh and the spring of my youth did shadow my heart that it could not discerne light from darknesse and the clearnesse of the mind from the mist of lust and trayterous and crafty pleasures did carry my weake and forgetfull loose age into the headlong rocke of lust so as I boyled up in wicked desires to be satisfied in Hell From my childhoode I grew to growing yeeres neither was I sooner growing towards youth then my wickednesse did grow ripe and I was bold to grow wild in divers inordinate lusts by the which beeing drawn by the griefe of wickednesse I was drowned to death and destruction the evill and wicked daies of my growing years passed on and I grew towards youth but I returned backwards in filthiness and vanity And as I was elder I was a yong man and came to bee a man but Vice alwaies flourished in me instead of Vertue I waxed old and grey and did not walk in thy waies but as a child being now an Old man I lived childishly Where then at any time have I bin innocent that I should bee judged of thee according to the time of my
staffe of his pitty wherefore O Lord and Father albeit I am a sinner yet I doe not cease to be thy Son because thou hast made me and new made me again like as I have sinned so correct mee and amend me commit me to the care and custody of thy only begotten Son Jesus Christ our Lord Is it possible for a woman to forget the childe of her own wombe and albeit she should forget it yet thou O most mercifull Father hast promised not to forget the same Behold I cry and thou dost not heare mee I am afflicted with griefe and thou dost not comfort me what shall I doe or say being in this extream misery alas I am altogether comfortless and which is worse am chased from thy presence wretch that I am from how great good into how great evill am I fallen whither did I attempt to go and whither am I come where am I and where am I not how is it that I that did sigh after Heaven do now sigh through so great tribulation I have sought comfort and have found affliction and truly it is better for me not to be then to be without thee O sweet Saviour It is better not to live then to live without thee the onely true life where are now O Lord Jesu thine accustomed mercies wilt thou bee displeased with me alwaies be appeased I beseech thee and take pitty of me and turne not away thy loving face from me who to redeeme mee hast not turned away thy face from those that did mocke and spit upon thee I confesse that I have sinned and my conscience doth adjudge mee worthy of damnation neither is my repentance sufficient to make satisfaction nevertheless it is a thing infallible that thy mercy doth surmount all offences whatsoever be it never so abhominable wherefore O most mercifull Lord I beseech thee enter not into judgement with thy servant but according to the multitude of thy mercies blot out mine iniquities wo be to me at the day of judgement when the Bookes of our Consciences shall be opened wherein our actions are registred when of mee it shall be openly proclaimed see here the man and his deeds committed what shal I do O Lord my God at that dreadfull day when the Heavens shal reveal my iniquities and the earth shal bear witnesse against me verily I shal be mute and able to say nothing but holding downe my head through shame and confusion I shall stand before thee shaking and blushing alas what shall I say I will call and cry unto thee O Lord my God why am I consumed being silent nevertheless if I speake my griefe will not cease and if I hold I shall inwardly be tormented with unspeakable bitterness weep O my soule and make lamentation as a yong married woman for the death of her new married husband weep and bewaile thy misery for that thy Bridegroome which is Christ hath forsaken thee O anger of the Almighty rush not upon mee because thou canst not be contained in me verily there is nothing in me that is able to contain thee take pitty of me lest I despaire of thy mercy that by despairing of my selfe I may finde comfort in thee and albeit I have done that for which thou mayest justly condemne me yet thou hast not lost thy accustomed property of shewing mercy and pitty thou O Lord dost not desire the death of sinners neither dost thou take pleasure in the perdition of those that die nay rather that those that were dead might live Thou thy selfe hast died and thy death hath been the death of that death that was due to sinners and if thou dying they have lived grant O Lord I beseech thee that thou living I may not die let thy heavenly hand help mee and deliver mee from the hands of those that hate me lest they insult and rejoyce over me saying we have devoured him How is it possible O blessed Saviour that ever any one can despaire of thy mercy who when wee were thy enemies hast redeemed us with thy most precious bloud and reconciled us to God Behold O Lord protected with the shaddow of thy mercy I run craving pardon to the throne of thy glory calling and knocking untill thou take pitty on mee for if thou hast called as to pardon even when wee did not seek it by how much more shall we obtaine pardon if we ask it remember not thy justice O blessed Saviour towards mee thy creature remember not thine anger towards mee guilty but bee mindfull of thy mercy towards me in misery forget my Pride provoking thee to displeasure and weigh my wretchedness imploring thy favour for what doth thy sacred Name Jesus signifie but only a Saviour wherefore O Saviour Jesu be thou my succour and protection and say unto my soule I am thy salvation I doe presume very much of thy divine bounty because thou thy selfe dost teach us to aske seeke and knocke at the doore of thy mercy wherefore I doe aske seeke and knock at thy doore as by thy word thou hast commanded mee to do thou therefore that willest me to aske grant that I may receive thou that dost bid me seek grant me likewise to find thou that dost teach me to knock open unto mee knocking at the doore of thy mercy recover me being diseased repair me being crazed raise mee being dead vouchsafe likewise so to direct and governe all my sences thoughts and actions in that which is pleasing unto thee that I may from henceforth faithfully serv thee and that I may live and give my selfe wholely unto thee I know O Lord that by reason thou hast made me I do owe my selfe unto thee and by reason thou hast redeemed me and hast been made man for me I do owe if I had it to give thee much more then my self unto thee by how much greater then mee thou art who hast given thy self for me I have nothing else to give thee neither can I give thee this without thee take mee therefore and draw mee unto thee that I mâ—y be thine by immitation and affection like as I am by condition and creation CHAP. IX TAke pity O Lord take pity O mercifull Saviour of mee a most miserable sinner doing things worthy of blame and worthily suffering for the same being by thee daily afflicted for that continually I am found to offend if I ponder the evill which I daily commit that which I endure is nothing in comparison of it that which I have done being much more grievous then my affliction thou art just O Lord and right is thy judgement all thy judgements are just and true thou O Lord our God art just and full of goodness neyther is there in thee any wickedness because when we doe offend thou doest not unjustly and cruelly afflict us who when wee were not hast powerfully made us and when for our sins wee were guilty of damnation thou hast by thy wonderfull mercy and goodness set us in a state of
my inward parts are inflamed without rest the meat which before I desired is made abominable to my soule and my drink is mingled with teares and confusion is before my eyes and redness in my cheekes when I remember how grievously I have offended thee O my God and in how many thoughts deeds and desires I have abused my strength and thy gifts I have spent in vanity Everlasting cares have consumed me and being carried hither and thither with sensless cogitations I have spent my time I feigned to my self dreams sometimes and rejoyced and vanished away being deluded in vanities and madness To conclude I lived in all kinde of pleasure in the world being banished far from the delights of thy house and if at any time the fear of death and the last judgement did quicken my sloath and for a little time call me from the deep gulph of pleasures by and by I returned as a dog to his vomit being dead in them I yet live and abiding in death I hasten to death and see death swift by comming to mee But let thy mercy quickly prevent me before the terrible day of misery and calamity doe come the great and bitter day that though I die I may live and declare thy mercies above all thy workes Look back Lord and behold how my soule lieth in her concupiscence sicke of the Palsey and is evill vexed therewith deliver it from death that it may cleave to thee alone who art only the true life and leaving all others follow thee that art above all say unto my soule O Lord God of my salvation be it unto thee as thou desirest make mee to heare this thy voyce a voyce of rejoycing and salvation that I may run after thee and take hold of thee and not let thee go untill thou sendest mee whole away for being sick to whom should I go but to thee that I may be cured or who can heale my infirmities but he that for me and mankind came down from Heaven that they may be healed of their griefs who can quicken but he that can mortifie and quicken all things who can save but thou O my God and Saviour save mee therefore and quicken me thou that art the life and salvation everlasting of all that put their trust in thee and to thee that art without beginning be glory without end To thee bee Praise and Honour to thee be continuall Worship and thanksgiving thou art the everlasting Spring of mercy for I was gone far from thee and did run away and yet thou doest speedily come to him that is sick and doth run away when he doth call upon thee and dost grant his health before thou hearest his sighs for to bee willing to bee healed is enough that thou shouldest heale and to bee willing to live that thou shouldest grant life and in the blessings of thy sweetness dost prevent the desires of a sinner that doth know himselfe therefore I will say unto thee I know my iniquity and what it is to know because all my bones are vexed within me and my soule is very much troubled for my sin Behold I lay all my iniquities before thy sight O my God that thou mightest heale and cure my soule because it hath sinned against thee for thou art a God that desirest not the death of a sinner but rather that hee should be converted and live for the dead shall not praise thee O Lord but wee that live doe blesse thee O Lord and do confesse that thy mercy is everlasting and thy compassions never faile CHAP. V. I Have revealed my miseries to thee O Lord not to make knowne my wayes unto thee that didst not know them all from the beginning and hast numbred all my steps for thou knowest the hidden places of darknesse and all things are naked open to thy eye and thou doest not only see but discerne the lurking places of our thoughts and the marrow of our affections but I uncover that thou mayest cover and protect I reveale that thou mayst hide and give mee an humble and contrite spirit and by the offering of this sacrifice which is most acceptable unto thee be mercifull unto me and forgive me my sins I have spoken many and great things and yet sayd little for the worme of my conscience doeth pricke mee in more I would to God it might draw away the rottenness that by grieving it might consume it and withall bee it selfe consumed but woe is mee for when I think I have made an end of telling my evills then am I constrayned as it were to begin againe and my memory being full of uncleanesse doeth abundantly remember much more filthinâ—sse for I have sinned above the number of the sands of the seas and if I had a hundred tongues and a hundred mouthes I shall scarse answer one of a thousand thousand yet that increaseth all my griefe that I cannot remember all my filthiness past and the fleshly corruptions of my soule for while I forget new sins I forget the old but those that I remember I will not hide not that I will love them again more but that I may love thee more earnestly O my God and that I remembring my wicked waies in the bitterness of my remembrance thou mayest be sweet unto me by the pardon of them But I have not purged the old but rather from them did spring up many new sinnes for the which I am as it were cast out from before thy face O my God and being deprived of the comfort of thy presence I fall almost into desperation knowing not whither I goe and who will look upon my face if thou turn away from me and as a Reprobate deprive me of thy sight I shall undoubtedly become hatefull unto all men and as a wanderer and a runnagate in the Land I shall be made a slave unto them when they shall aske of mee where is thy God and wherfore hath he put thee from him what shall I doe therfore O wretched man that I am or what shall I say when I see my self estranged from thy protection and forsaken in the midst of my enemies that fight mightily against me I will seek thy face O Lord and with sighes and teares beseech thee not to leave me nor in anger to depart from thy servant for all mine enemies follow me as a fugitive to destroy my soule and therefore I must seeke refuge at thy hands to whom I flie O my God my strength my health my refuge in the day of tribulation for as there is no God besides thee so there is no Saviour besides thee Thou therfore O Lord that knowest all my miseries and from whom the workes of my weaknesse are not hidden cast behind thy back all my offences and doe not remember all my old iniquities but save me according to thy mercy from all those that persecute mee and deliver mee because there is none can redeem me and save me but thou O Lord who savest all
salvation I know O Lord God and am assured that our life is not governed by the unadvised Influence and concurrence of secondary causes but is wholly disposed and ordered by thy Almighty providence wherfore I humbly pray and beseech thee that thou wilt not deale with me according to mine iniquities by which I have deserved thy anger but according to thy manifold mercies which surmount the sinnes of the whole world take pity on me thou O Lord who doest punish mee outwardly give mee alwayes an invincible patience inwardly to the end I may never cease to prayse thee take pity of me O Lord take pity of me and helpe me like as thou knowest to bee expedient for mee both in soule and in body thou who knowest all things and art able to do all things whatsoever it pleaseth thee CHAP. X. O God most powerfull and potent over the spirits or soules of all flesh whose eyes behold all the wayes of the children of Adam from the day of their birth unto the day of their death to the end thou mayst render to every man according to his actions be they good or evill Teach mee I beseech thee how to confesse unto thee my poverty because I have heeretofore vanted that I was rich and need nothing not knowing that I was poore blind naked wretched and in misery for that I thought my selfe to bee something when I was nothing I sayd with my selfe I shall become a wise man and I became a foole I thought my selfe to bee prudent and discreet and I was deceived for that I now perceive that it is a gift gratis by thee given without whom wee can do nothing thus O Lord by leaving me and proving me thou hast taught me to know my self not to respect of tiâ—e that thou mightst know me but in respect of mee that I might know my selfe because I thought my selfe to bee something of my selfe and sufficient of my selfe neither did I perceive that it was thou that diddest governe me untill thou didst for a while forsake me whereupon I forthwith fell by which I did see and know that it was thou that didst governe me and that my fall hapned through my own fault and my … ing to grace by means only of thy grace Thou hast opened mine eyes O divine light thou hast awakened and inlightned me so that now I see that mans life is a temptation upon earth neither hath frayle flesh or any mortall man living just occasion to glory of himselfe before thee or to presume of his justification since all the good we have be it little or great proceedeth wholly and freely from thee neyther can wee attribute any thing justly to our selves saving only our iniquity Whereof then shall any mortall man glory shall he glory of his iniquity this is not glory but meere misery shall hee therefore glory of his goodnesse shall he glory of that which is anothers Because all goodness and glory is thine O Lord and belongeth unto thee he therfore that usurpeth that glory to himselfe that is due to thee is a theefe and a robber and like unto the Divell who desired to bereave thee of thy glory for hee that desireth to bee praysed in respect of the gift which thou hast given him and doeth not seeke thy glory therein but his owne albeit in respect of thy gift hee bee praysed of men yet by thee bee is thought worthy of blame for that with that gift which thou hast given him hee hath not sought thy glory but his owne but hee that is praysed of men being by thee thought worthy of blame will not bee defended by men when thou shalt condemne him Thou therefore O Lord who didst forme me in my mothers womb permit me not to fall into that reproachfull infamy as to be upbrayded as one that would bereave thee of thy glory who art the authour of all goodnesse and to thee is due all glory but to us shame and misery who according to our deserts are worthy of all wretchedness were it not that thou dost take pity upon us Thou O Lord art pitifull indeed full of compassion towards all men and hating nothing of those things which thou hast made bestowing on us many benefits inriching us with thy greatest gifts because thou doest favour those that are friendless making them abound with the riches of thy goodnes I know O Lord and confesse that they onely that acknowledge themselves to be poor and needy and confesse unto thee their poverty shal be inriched by thee insomuch that they that imagine themselves rich being indeed poore and needy are not to expect any spirituall gift or grace from thee wherefore O Lord my God I doe acknowledge and confess unto thee my poverty rendring unto thee all glory because all the good that is done by me proceedeth wholy from thee I confesse O Lord that I am nothing else but meere vanity the shadow of death a darke bottomles dungeon a voyd and unprofitable plot of ground bringing forth nothing without thy blessing the naturall fruite thereof being confusion sinne and eternall death and damnation all the good that ever I had before I had it from thee is wholly thine and proceeds from the hands of thy liberality When I have stood upright it hath beene by thy assistance when I have fallen it hath beene through my own negligence when I was fallen likewise I should for ever have remayned in misery if thou hadst not raysed me and being blinde I should for ever have been blind if thou hadst not inlightned me when I was fallen I should never have risen if thou hadst not with thy hand raised me yea after thou hadst raysed mee I should have fallen immediately if thou hadst not upheld mee I should likewise have perished many times and beene utterly undone if thou hadst not governed me Thus O Lord and in this manner hath thy grace and mercy prevented me from time to time and continually delivering mee from all mishaps that might have befallen me preserving me from perills that are past delivering me out of those that are present and strengthening mee against those that are to come cutting in sunder before me the snares of sinne removing likewise all causes and occasions of the same for if thou haddest not afforded me this favour I should have committed all sorts of sins what soever because I know O Lord that there is no sinne committed by one man which another could not likewise doe the same if mans Creatour by whom he was made doe not assist him Thou therefore hast caused and commanded me to abstaine from iniquity giving mee grace that I might beleeve in thee for thou O Lord didst direct me to do that which was to thy glory and my owne salvation giving mee grace and understanding that I might avoyde many grievous sins that I was inclinable to CHAP. XI REmember O Lord I beseech thee thy mercies shewed towards me of old time through which thou hast prevented
light so that now I see thankes be to thee O Lord who hast inlightened me and I looked backe and beheld the darknesse wherein I had lived and the deepe darke dungeon wherein I had remained which made me with feare and trembling to cry out saying wo is mee in respect of the darknesse in which I have remained wo is mee in respect of my former blindness in which I could not see the light of Heaven wo is mee in respect of my former ignorance when I did not know thee O Lord thanks therefore be to thee O my Inlightner and Deliverer for that thou hast inlightned me and I have knowne thee Too too late have I knowne thee O ancient Verity too late have I known thee O eternall Truth thou remainest in light and I in darknesse and I knew thee not because I could not be inlightned without thee for that there is no light besides thee O God! the Holy of Holies the God of Gods and Lord of Lords of inestimable Majesty whose wonderfull greatnesse cannot bee uttered or imagined before whom the Angelicall powers doe shake for feare O most mighty most holy and most powerfull God the God of the spirits or souls of all mortall creatures from whose sight the Heavens and the earth doe flie away for fear to whom all the Elemens doe obey at a becke let all thy creatures adore and glorifie thee amongst whom I unworthy wretch the sonne of thy handmaid do bow downe the neck of my heart under the feet of thy supreame Majesty being taught so to doe by the faith which thou hast given me rendring thanks unto thee for that thou hast vouchsafed by thy mercy to inlighten me O Light most true sacred and delightfull most worthy of praise and most admirable which inlighteneth every man comming into this world yea the eies of the Angels themselvs Behold now I see for which I humbly thanke thee Behold now I see the light of Heaven a heavenly bright beam proceeding from the face of thy brightness doth shine upon the eies of my mind which maketh all my bones to rejoyce Oh that this light were perfect it me increase it in mee O authour o◠light I beseech thee increase I beseech thee that light that shineth in mee let it bee augmented I beseech thee by thee O fire which doest alwayes burn and art never extinguished enflame me O light which doest alwayes shine and art never darkned enlighten me Oh that I were made hot by thee O sacred fire how sweetly dost thou heate how secretly doest thou shine how desiredly dost thou burn Woe be to those that are not made hot by thee woe bee to those that are not enlightned by thee O true light enlightning all the world whose brightnesse doeth replenish all the world Woe bee to those blind eyes which doe not see thee who art the Sunne that giveth light both to Heaven and Earth Woe be to those dim eyes which cannot see thee Woe be to those eies that are turned away frō seeing verity Woe be to those eyes that are not turned away from seeing vanity Verily those eyes that are accustomed to darkness cannot behold the bright beames of thy supreame righteousness neither do they know what to thinke of the light whose dwelling is in darknesse They see love and approve the darknesse so that walking from one darknesse into another they stumble and tumble they know not whither Doubtlesse they are wretched that know not what they lose but they are more wretched that know what they lose who fall with their eyes open and descend alive into perdition O light most blessed who canst not be seen of those eyes that are never so little defiled Blessed are the clean in heart for they shall see God Cleanse me O cleansing vertue cure mine eyes to the end that with sound and cleare eyes I may bee able to behold thee Remoove from my eyes the scales of my former blindnesse by the means of thy brightness that I may be able stedfastly to behold thee and in thy light I may see light Behold O my light now I see for which I most humbly thank thee Let this my light O Lord I beseech thee be increased by thee Open mine eyes that I may see the wonderfull things of thy Law I give thee thankes O my light for that I now see albeit obscurely as it were in a Mirrour or looking glasse but when shall I see thee apparently face to face Oh when will that day of joy and mirth arive in which I shall enter into the place of thy Tabernacle so mach to bee admired even into the house of my God to the end I may see him face to face that seeth me that so my desire may be accomplished CHAP. XIII I Have exceedingly sinned and I know my offences to bee many which I have committed yet I do not despayre because where sinnes have abounded there grace hath superabounded He that dispayreth of obtayning pardon for his sinnes denieth God to be mercifull hee doth God a great injury that mistrusteth his mercy as much as in him lieth he denieth God to have charity truth and power in which three doth depend my whole confidence that is in the charity of his adoption in the trueth of his promise and in the power of his redemption I cannot bee terrified with the multitude of my sinnes if the death of my Saviour come into my minde because my sinnes cannot overcome the multitude of his mercy The wounds of my Saviour doe tell me that I am truly reconciled to him if I love him wherefore blessed Saviour give me grace to love thee truly and sincerely because love chaseth forth feare verily the whole world doth not afford such a powerfull and present remedy against sinne as is the death of my Redeemer He stretcheth forth his armes on the Crosse and spreads out his hands as one ready to imbrace sinners I purpose to live and desire to die betweene the armes of Christ that hath saved me there will I sing securely I will extoll thee O Lord for thou hast received me and hast not permitted mine enemies to triumph over me Who more can crave Then God for me hath done To free a slave That gave his only Son Blest be that houre When he repair'd my losse I never will Forget my Saviours Crosse Whose death revives My soule once was I dead But now I 'le rayse Againe my drooping head And singing say And saying sing for ever Blest be my Lord That did my soule deliver CHAP. XIV I Render unto the most humble thanks O most gratious and mercifull God for that comming loader with so many and so grievous sins to make my humble confession unto thy divine and sacred Majesty thou art pleased to give mee the grace that I am not ashamed to open my sins and iniquities unto thee whereby I may obtaine thy pardon which being granted unto me by thy mercy and the merits of my Saviour Christ
Jesus I most humbly beseech thee to indue me with thy holy spirit that I may forget all my wicked inclinations and that I may offend thee no more but remain constant to my good intentions proposed at this time I confesse unto thee O Lord that it was thy meer mercy and goodness that thou hadst not cut me off many times before this in the height of my horrid sins and cast me immediatly into Hell for all eternity O Lord thou hast had mercy upon me being but poore dust and ashes and thou art pleased at this instant to reforme my deformities and to keep me from sudden death and despaire lest I should bee swallowed up in the deep O Lord I humbly confesse that before thou didst give me a sight of my sinnes and hearty sorrow and repentance for them I was going headlong to Hell carrying all my sins along with mee but thou O my Lord and my God didst call me back unto thee who art the way the truth and the life and didst inlighten my cloudy mind with the brightness of thy light that seeing my relf at the brink of Hell thou hast pulled mee backe by thy divine mercy and providence that I may live to see thy glory what shall I therefore render unto thee my most mercifull Saviour for the marvellous waies that thou hast used to correct and direct my waies into the way of salvation I was carried away with vanities O my God and made my waies farre from thee but thou O Lord moved with mercy didst call back my filthy life from the durt of earthly pleasures and didst restraine my untamed minde with the bit and bridle of the calamities and labour of this wretched world that I might understand my own misery and come unto thee I will therefore glory in my infirmities and afflictions that thy grace may dwell in mee O Lord to whom I owe all that I am for that thou hast forgiven me many heynous and grievous sins and for those great benefits and most holy blessings by which my poore soule shall be saved I doe give unto thee most humble thanks upon the knees of my heart and in gratitude for thy gracious favours I doe most willingly offer my poor life to be sacrificed for thee my liberty and all my worldly substance and my most humble prayers saying Bless the Lord O my soule and doe not forget all his benefits who is mercifull to all thine iniquities and healeth all thine infirmities who hath redeemed thy life from death who crowneth thee with loving kindnesses and tender mercies Behold O Lord how I am comforted with thy mercies and thou hast so inlightened me that I now desire to imbrace thee before all the pleasures which have waited upon my miserable life therefore I humbly beseech thee O most mercifull Father not to faile in helping me that I also by thy grace may not faile in confessing thy mercy unto me and I desire thee to accept of my broken and contrite heart and my sorrowfull soule for my sins past and grant unto me thy fear that I may never do any thing to displease thee but conceiving hope by thy promises of thy mercy I may henceforth bee cherished and delighted with heavenly things O Lord protect mee under the shaddow of thy wings and cherish me in the bosome of thy mercy for while I live in this valley of tears I will cry unto thee O my God and my helper in time of trouble and need that thou deliver mee from all temptations unto the end and that thou wilt nourish mee as thy childe who having received the strength of thy vertue so long as I shall run in the course of this world forgetting that which is behind and earnestly bending my selfe to thy holy blessings by thy grace and protection I may goe on to the appointed place that thou hast prepared for those that love Christ Jesus our Lord who liveth and reigneth with thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit God world without end Amen A Preparative to Prayer WHen to thy God thou speak'st O creature mean Lift up pure hands lay down all foul desires Fix thoughts on heaven present a conscience clean Such holy Balme to mercies throne aspires Confesse faults guilt crave pardon for thy sin Tread holy Paths call grace to guide therein It is the spirit with reverence must obey Our Makers will to practise what he taught Make not the flesh thy Councell when thou pray 'T is enemy to every vertuous thought It is the foe we dayly feed and cloath It is the Prison that the soule doth loath Even as Elias mounting to the sky Did cast his mantle to the earth behind So when the heart presents the prayer on high Exclude the world from traffique with the minde Lips neare to God and ranging hearts within Is but vain babling and converts to sin Like Abraham ascending up the Hill To sacrifice his servants left below That he might act the great Commanders Will Without impeach to his obedient blow Even for the soule remote from earthly things Should mount salvations shelter mercies wings Nothing more gratefull in the highest eies Nothing more firme in danger to protect us Nothing more forcible to pierce the skies And not depart till mercy do respect us And as the soule life to the body gives So prayer revives the soule by prayer it lives A Prayer BEcause I have sinned O Lord and done wickedly in thy sight and provoked thee to anger by my abominable wickednesse making my body which thou hast ordayned as a vessell of thy honour an instrument of most detestable filthinesse O Lord be mercifull unto me and pardon me this great wickednesse looke not upon me good Father with the eyes of justice neither do thou draw against me the sword of judgement for now shall I that am but dust stand in thy presence when thy wrathfull indignation commeth foorth as a whirlewind and thy heavy displeasure as a tempest seeing the earth trembleth the depths as discovered and the very heavens are shaken when thou art angry Exercise not therefore thy fury against me that am but chaffe before the winde and as stubble before a flaming fire though I have sinned grieuously in thy sight preferring my wicked desire before thy holy commandements esteeming the pleasure of a moment before eternall and everlasting joyes nay which is worse making more account of vileness and vanity and extreame folly and madnesse then of the glory and majesty of the most excellent wonderful and blessed God nothing dreading his displeasure whose wrath maketh the Divels to quake and burneth unquenchable unto the bottomles pit of hell whose might is so great that by the breath of his nostrills hee can in the twinkling of an eye destroy a thousand worlds yet am I bold prostrating my self before the throne of thy Majesty heartily to beseech and humbly to intreat thee that thou wilt not deale with mee according to my merits for I have deserved
sing O happy soule who present dost Behold so great a King And from thy lofty throne surviewst The underwheeling Globes The sun the moon al the heavens In star bespangled robes O Christ the palme of warriors Vouchsafe me of thy pity To make me when I end my war A freeman of this City Grant me among these Citizens Thy bounties to pertake Meane while assist me with thy ayd A happy fight to make That warring out my time the rest In quiet I may spend And for my guerdon thee injoy For ever without end Amen A serious discourse concerning the Day of Death LET us imagine how the time being now come in which the sinfull soule is to be separated from the bands of the body with how grievous feare it is terrified with how great anguish of an afflicted conscience it is tormented it remembers the things forbidden which it hath committed it beholdeth the Commandements of God which through negligence and contempt it hath omitted it grieveth that the time which it had to repent hath been so vainly imployed it grieveth the imutable moment of severe revenge is so near at hand not possible to bee avoyded it would fain stay it is forced to depart it would faine recover that which it hath lost and cannot be heard it looketh backward upon the course of its whole life past and esteemeth it to be but as it were one onely little pace it looketh forward and seeth infinite worlds of time which shall never have end It lamenteth therfore for having lost the joyes of all eternity which it might have gained so quickly it weepeth likewise that for the short pleasure of the alluring flesh it is bereaved of everlasting happinesse it blusheth that for the substance sake which is to be meat for wormes it hath neglected that which should have been placed amongst the quires of Angels At length it lifteth up the eyes of its mind and considering the glory of the immortall riches of Heaven it is ashamed that for the love of the beggery of this present life it hath lost that glory againe when it looketh downwards upon the vaile of this world as upon a mist and contrariwise seeing above it the brightnesse of that eternall light it plainly perceiveth that that which was loved was but darknesse and night Oh if it could obtaine the favour to have some little time for repentance how austere would it be in life and conversation how many and how great matters would it promise to perform how strictly would it binde it selfe to piety and devotion in the meane season whilst the eye-sight faileth and whilst the heart panteth and the throat doth draw breath with difficulty whilst the countenance groweth pale and all the members of the body become stiffe through cold whilst these things and other such like happen as certain signes of death approaching all its works and words present themselves before it yea it s very thoughts are not wanting and all these give bitter testimony against it as against the Authour of them All its sins and iniquities are laid as it were in heaps before its eyes and those which it is unwilling to see it is forced to behold whether it will or no. Moreover on the one side of it it beholdeth a terrible troop of dreadful Devils on the other side a multitude of heavenly Angels the soule that lyeth in the middest quickly perceiveth to which of these companies it appertaineth for if there bee seen in it the signes and tokens of goodnesse it is comforted by the comfortable speeches of the Angels and by the sweetness of their harmonious melody it is allured to come forth of the body contrariwise if the darkness of its deserts and deformity of its filthinesse do adjudge it to the left hand it is forthwith strucken with intolerable fear it is troubled through the foâ—ce of the sudden violence that is used it is throwne down headlong and assaulted and poor soule is forcibly pluckt out of the prison of the flesh that it may be drawn to eternall torments with unspeakable bitternesse Now after it is departed out of the body who is able to expresse how many troops of wicked spirits do lie in wait to intrap it how many bands of frowning fiends being ready with cruell torments to afflict it doe beset the way to hinder his passage and to the end it may not escape and passe through them whole legions of them do assault the same Wherefore to consider these and such like things by frequent meditation is a soveraigne meanes to contemne the inticing allurements of sin to abandon the world and to subdue the unlawfull motions of the flesh and finally doth cause and conserve in us a continuall desire of attaining to perfection which God of his mercy grant us Amen ALmighty God and all mercifull Father which art the Physitian of my body and soule in thy hands are life and death thou bringest to the grave and pullest backe againe I came into the world upon condition to forsake it whensoever thou wouldest call me and now the Sumners are come thy fetters hold mee and none can loose mee but hee that bound me I am sick in body and in soule but he hath strucken me which in judgement sheweth mercy I deserved to die so soon as I came to life but thou hast preserved me till now and shall this mercy be in vaine as though I were preserved for nothing who can praise thee in the grave I have done thee no service since I was borne but my goodness is to come and shall I die before I begin to live but Lord thou knowest what is best of all and if thou convert me I shall be converted in an instant and as thou acceptedst the will of David as well as the act of Solomon so thou wilt accept my desire to serve thee as well as if I had lived to glorifie thee the spirit is willing but the flesh is fraile and as I did live sinfully whensoever thy spirit was from me so I shal die unwillingly unlesse thy spirit prepare me therefore dear Father give me that minde which a sick man should have and increase my patience with my pain and call unto my remembrance all which I have heard or read or felt or meditated to strengthen mee in this hour of my triall that I which never taught any good while I lived may now teach others how to dye to bear their sickness patiently apply unto me all the mercies and merits of thy beloved Son as if he had died for me alone be not far from me when the enemy comes but when the tempter is busiest let thy spirit be busie too and if it please thee to loose me out of this prison when I shall leave my earth to earth let thy Angels carry up my soule to Heaven as they did Lazarus and place me in one of those Mansions which thy Son is gone to prepare for me this is my Mediator which hath
reconciled me unto thee when thou didst abhor me for my sins thou didst send him from heaven to me to shew that thou art ready to heare him for us therefore in him I come unto thee in him I will call upon thee O my Redeemer Preserver and my Saviour to thee be praise with the Father and the Holy Spirit for ever Amen Who shall stay mee from my Father and my Brother and my Comforter I Owe God a death as his Son died for me ever since I was borne I have been sayling towards this Haven and gathering patience to comfort this houre therefore shall I be one of those guests now that would not come to the banquet when they were invited what hurt is in going to Paradice I shall lose nothing but the sense of evil and anon I shall have greater joyes then I feele pains for my head is in Heaven already to assure me that my soule and body shall follow after O Death where is thy sting why should I fear that which I would not escape because my chiefest happiness is behind and I cannot have it unlesse I go unto it I would goe through Hell to Heaven and therefore if I march but through death I suffer lesse then I would for God my pains do not dismay me because I travell to bring forth eternall life my sins do not affright me because I have Christ my Redeemer the Judge doth not astonish me because the Judges Son is my Advocate the Devill doth not amaze me because the Angels pitch about mee the grave doth not grieve me because it was my Lords bed O that Gods mercies to me might move others to love him for the less I can expresse it the more it is the Prophets and Apostles are my forerunners every man is gone before me or else he will follow after me if it please God to receive mee into Heaven before them that have served him better I owe more thanks to him and because I have deferred my repentance till this houre wherby my salvation is cut off if I should dye suddenly lo how my God in his mercifull providence to prevent my destruction calleth me by a lingring sickness which stayeth till I be ready and prepareth me to my end lik a Preacher and makes me by wofull pains wery of this beloved world lest I should depart unwillingly like them whose death is their damnation so he loveth me whilst he beateth mee that his stripes are Plaisters to salve me therefore who shal love him if I forsake him this is my whole desire now to strengthen my body with my heart and to be contented as God hath appoynted untill I glorifie him or he glorifie mee If I live I live to sacrifice if I die I die a sacrifice for his mercy is above my iniquity therefore if I should fear death it were a signe that I had not faith nor hope as I professed but that I doubted of Gods truth in his promise whether he will forgive his penitent sinners or no. It is my Father let him doe what seemeth good in his sight Come Lord Jesus for thy servant commeth I am willing help my unwillingnesses For the Morning NOw that the day star doth arise Beg we of God with huÌ„ble cries Hurtfull things to keep away While we duly spend the day Our tongues to guide so that no strife May breed disquiet in our life To shut and close the wandring eye Lest it let in vanity To keep the heart as pure and free From â—â—nd and troubled fantasie To tame proud flesh while we deny it A full cup and wanton diet That when the day light shall go out Time bringing on the night about We by leaving worldly wayes May in silence sing God prayse Amen Come Holy Ghost our soules inspire And lighten with celestiall fire Thou the anointing spirit art Who dost thy sevenfold gifts impart Thy blessed unction from above Is comfort life and fire of love 〈…〉 with perpetuall light The … nesse of my blinded sight Anoâ—â—t and cheere my soyled face With the abundance of thy grace Keep 〈◊〉 my â—oes give peace at hom Where thou art guide no ill can com Teach mee to know the father son And thee of both to be but one That through the Ages all along This may be my endles song Prayse to thy Eternall Merit Father Son and Holy Spirit A Prayer for the Morning O Lord be mercifull unto mee a miserable sinner O Lord I beseech thee let thine eares bee attentive unto the prayer of thy servant that desires to feare thy name and prosper I pray thee thy servant this day And good Lord I beseech thee send thy holy Spirit into my soule so to teach mee to pray unto thee that both my selfe and my prayers may be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my Redeemer And good Lord I beseech thee to remove all my sinnes out of thy sight that they may neither hinder my prayers from ascending up unto thee nor thy mercies from descending downe upon me And good Lord I humbly beseech thee to banish out of my heart and soule all evil thoughts and desires all fond love and affection all carnall lust and concupiscence and whatsoever else may any way hinder mee from the true love and worship of thy divine and sacred Majesty O Eternall God maker and high possessour both of Heaven and Earth looke downe I humbly beseech thee with pity and compassion upon a poor miserable distressed sinner who am not worthy to lift up my eyes towards the throne of thy divine and sacred Majesty much lesse worthy of any of thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast beene pleased to bestow upon mee for O Lord so many and so mighty are my sinnes wherewith I have offended thy divine and sacred Majesty both in thought word deed and desire that if thou shouldst enter into judgement with mee and deale with mee according to thy justice and my desert I must expect nothing but eternall death and damnation But I most humbly beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake that it wil please thee to have mercy upon me and to pardon me all my sinnes and offences and to remove all those judgements away from mee which my sinnes have deserved and give mee grace ever heerafter to amend my ungodly life and to love and serve and honour thee truly faithfully and unfeignedly without pride presumption vaine glory and hypocrisie from these and all other deadly sinnes good Lord deliver me And good Father I give thee most humble thanks for all thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast been pleased to bestow upon me more especially for that it hath pleased thee this night past to preserve me from all evills notwithstanding all my sinnes and ill deserts Lord thou mightest have made my bed my grave and throwne my soule into the deep pit of hell hadst thou dealt with mee according
truth Chap. 6. HOld friendship with many nevertheless have but one Councellor of a thousand Depart from thy enemies and bee wary of thy friends Chap. 7. LEt not them that weep be without comfort Bur mourne with such as mourne Whatsoever thou takest in hand remember the end and thou shalt never do amiss Chap. 8. DEspise not a man that turneth himselfe away from sin nor cast him not in the teeth withall but remember that we are all worthy of blame Chap. 9. TRy thy neighbor as near as thou canst and ask Counsell of the wise Let thy talk be with the wise and all thy communication in the Law of the most high Let just men eat and drink with thee and let thy rejoycing be in the fear of the Lord. Chap. 10. GOd destroyeth the memoriall of the proud and leaveth the remembrance of the humble Pride was not created in men neither wrath in the generation of women The feare of the Lord is the glory as well of the rich and the noble as of the poore It is not meet to despise the poore man that hath understanding neither is it convenient to magnifie the rich that is a wicked man The great man and the Judge and the man in authority are honourable yet is there none greater then he that feareth the Lord. Chap. 11. VVIsdome setteth up the head of him that is low and maketh him to sit among great men Commend not a man for his beauty neither despise a man in his outward appearance Be not proud of clothing and rayment and exalt not thy selfe in the day of honour for the works of the Lord are wonderfull and glorious secret and unknown are his works among men Blame no man before thou hast inquired the matter understand first and then reforme righteously Give no sentence before thou hast heard the Cause neither interrupt men in the midst of their tales Prosperity and adversity life and death poverty and riches come of the Lord. The gift of the Lord remaineth for the godly and his good will giveth prosperity for ever In thy good state remember adversity and in adversity forget not prosperity For it is an easie thing unto the Lord in the day of death to reward a man according to his wayes The adversity of an houre maketh one to forget pleasure and in a mans end his works are discovered Judge no man blessed before his death Chap. 12. VVHen thou wilt doe good know to whom thou dost it so shalt thou be thanked for thy benefits Do good unto the righteous and thou shalt find great reward though not of him yet of the most high Bind not two sins together for there shall not one be unpunnished Chap. 14. BLessed is the man that hath not falne by the word of his mouth and is not tormented with the sorrow of sinne Blessed is the man that is not condemned in his conscience and is not falne from his hope in the Lord. Doe good unto thy friend before thou dye and according to thy ability stretch out thy hand and give him He that feareth the Lord will doe good and he that hath the knowledge of the Law will keep it sure Chap. 21. MY son hast thou sinned do so no more but pray for the former sins that they may be forgiven thee Flye from sinne as from a serpent for if thou commest neare it it will bite thee the teeth thereof are as the teeth of a Lyon to slay the soules of men All iniquity is as a two edged sword the wounds where of cannot be healed The prayer of the poore going out of the mouth commeth unto the ears of the Lord and justice is done unto him incontinently Whoso hateth to be reformed is in the way of sinners but he that feareth the Lord converteth in heart Chap. 23. ACcustom not thy mouth to swearing for in it there are many falls neither take up for a custome the naming of the Holy one for thou shalt not bee unpunished for such things A man that useth much swearing shall be filled with wickednesse and the plague shal never go frō his hous when he shall offend his fault shal be upon him and if he acknowledge not his sinne he maketh a double offence and if he sweare in vaine he shall not be innocent but his house shall be full of plagues Who shall set a watch before my mouth and a seale of wisdome upon my lips that I fall not suddenly and that my tongue destroy me not O Lord Father and Governour of my whole life leave me not to the Counsell of the wicked and let mee not fall by them Who will correct my thought and put the doctrine of wisdome in mine heart lest my ignorances increase and my sins abound to my destruction and lest I fall before my adversaries and my enemies rejoyce over mee whose hope is far from thy mercy O Lord Father and God of my life leave me not in their imaginations neither give me a proud looke but turne away from thy servant a haughty minde Take from me vaine hope and concupiscence and retaine him in obedience that desireth continually to serve thee Let not the greedinesse of the belly nor lust of the flesh hold me and give not me thy servant over into an impudent minde FINIS