a shameful thing for a Christian to be reproved for such an uncomely expression by an Heathen It 's enough to make us blush to read what an Heathen said in this case Never say thou hast lost any thing saith Epictetus but that it 's returned Is thy Son dead he is only restored Is thy inheritance taken from thee It is also returned And a while after he adds 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 i. e. Let every thing be as the Gods will have it 2. Answer It 's no fit expression to say you have lost all in one except that one be Christ and he being once yours can never be lost Doubtless your meaning is you have lost all your comfort of that kind And what though you have are there not multitudes of comforts yet remaining of a higher kind and more precious and durable nature If you have no more of that sort yet so long as you have better what cause have you to rejoyce 3. Answer You too much imitate the way of the world in this complaint they know not how to repair the loss of one comfort but by another of the same nature which must be put in its room to fill up the vacancy But have you no other way to supply your loss Have you not a God to fill the place of any creature that leaves you Surely this would better become a man whose portion is in this life than one that professes God is his all in all 5. Plea O but my only One is not only taken away but there remains no expectation or probability of any more I must now look upon my self as a dry tree never to take comfort in children any more which is a cutting thought 1. Answer Suppose what you say that you have no hope or expectation of another child remaining to you yet if you have a hope of better things than children you have no reason to be cast down bless God for higher and better hopes than these in Isa. 56. 4 5. the Lord comforts them that had no expectation of sons or daughters with this That he will give unto them in his house and within his walls a place and a name better than of Sons or of Daughters even an everlasting name that shall not be cut off There are better mercies and higher hopes than these though your hopes of children or from children should be cut off yet if your eternal hopes be secure and such as shall not make you ashamed you should not be so cast down 2. Answer If God will not have your comfort to lye any more in children then resolve to place them in himself and you shall never find cause to complain of loss by such an exchange You will find that in God which is not to be had in the creature one hours communion with him shall give you that which the happiest Parent never yet had from his children you will exchange brass for gold perishing vanity for solid and abiding excellency 6. Plea But the suddenness of the stroke is amazing God gave little or no warning to prepare for this tryal Death executed its commission as soon as it open'd it My dear Husband Wife or Child was snatcht unexpectedly out of my arms by a surprizing stroke and this makes my stroke heavier than my complaint 1. Answer That the death of your Relation was so sudden and surprizing was much your own fault who ought to have lived in the daily sense of its vanity and expectation of your separation from it you knew it to be a dying comfort in its best estate and it is no such wonderful thing to see that dead which we knew before to be dying Besides you heard the changes ringing round about you in other families you frequently saw other Parents Husbands and Wives carrying forth their dead And what were all these but warnings given you to prepare for the like tryals Surely then it was your own security and regardlesness that made this affliction so surprizing to you and who is to be blamed for that you know 2. Answer There is much difference betwixt the sudden death of infants and that of grown persons The latter may have much work to do many sins actually to repent of and many evidences of their interest in Christ to examine and clear in order to their more comfortable death and so sudden death may be deprecated by them But the case of Infants who exercise not their reason is far different they have no such work to do but are purely passive all that is done in order to their salvation is done by God immediately upon them and so it comes all to one whether their death be more quick or more slow 3. Answer You complain of the suddenness of the stroke but another will be ready to say had my friend died in that manner my affliction had been nothing to what it now is I have seen many deaths contrived into one I saw the gradual approaches of it upon my dear Relation who felt every tread of death as it came on towards him who often cryed with Job Chap. 3. 20. Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery and life to the bitter in soul which long for death but it cometh it not and dig for it more than for hid treasures which rejoyce exceedingly and are glad when they can find the grave That which you reckon the sting of your affliction others would have reckoned a favour and priviledge How many tender Parents and other Relations who loved their friends as dearly as your selves have been forced to their knees upon no other errand but this to beg the Lord to hasten the separation and put an end to that sorrow which to them was much greater than the sorrow for the dead 7. Plea You press me to moderation of sorrows and I know I ought to shew it but you don't know how the case stands with me there 's a sting in this affliction that none feels but my self And oh how intollerable is it now I neglected proper means in season to preserve life or miscarried in the use of means I now see such a neglect or such a mistake about the means as I cannot but judge greatly to contribute to that sad loss which I now too late lament O my negligence O my rashness and inconsiderateness How doth my Conscience now smite me for my folly and by this aggravate my burthen beyond what is usually felt by others Had I seasonably apply'd my self to the use of proper means and kept strictly to such courses and counsels as those that are able and skilful might have prescribed I might have now had a living Husband Wife or Child whereas I am now not only bereaved but am apt to think I have bereaved my self of them Surely there is no sorrow like unto my sorrow 1. Answer Though it be an evil to neglect and slight the means ordained by God for recovery of health yet it 's no less evil to ascribe
vain and useless complaints of our misery or the dirt of sinful and wicked complaints of the dealings of the Lord with us The rod of affliction goes round and visits all sorts of persons without difference It is upon the Tabernacles of the just and of the unjust the righteous and the wicked both are mourning under the rod. The godly are not so to be minded as that the other be wholly neglected they have as strong and tender though not as regular affections to their Relations and must not be wholly suffered to sink under their unrelieved burthens Here therefore I must have respect to two sorts of persons whom I find in tears upon the same account I mean the loss of their dear Relations the Regenerate and the unregenerate I am a debtor to both and shall endeavour their support and assistance for even the unregenerate call for our help and pitty and must not be neglected and wholly slighted in their afflictions We must pitty them that can't pitty themselves The Law of God commands us to help a beast if fallen under its burden How much more a man sinking under a load of sorrow I confess uses of comfort to the unregenerate are not ordinarily in use among us and it may seem strange whence any thing of support should be drawn for them that have no special interest in Christ or the promises I confess also I find my self under great disadvantages for this work I cannot offer them those reviving cordials that are contained in Christ and the covenant for Gods afflicted people but yet such is the goodness of God even to his enemies that they are not left wholly without supports or means to allay their Sorrow If this therefore be thy case who readest these lines afflicted and unsanctified mourning bitterly for thy dead friends and more cause to mourn for thy dead soul Christless and graceless as well as childless or friendless no comfort in hand nor yet in hope full of trouble and no vent by prayer or faith to ease thy heart Poor creature thy case is sad but yet do not wholly sink and suffer thy self to be swallowed up of grief thou hast laid thy dear one in the grave yet throw not thy self head-long into the grave after him that will not be the way to remedy thy misery but sit down a while and ponder these three things First That of all persons in the World thou hast most reason to be tender over thy life and health and careful to preserve it for if thy troubles destroy thee thou art eternally lost undone for ever Worldly sorrow saith the Apostle works death And if it works thy death it works thy damnation also for Hell follows that pale horse Revel 6. 8. If a believer dyes there 's no danger of Hell to him the second death hath no power over him but wo to thee if it overtake thee in thy sin beware therefore what thou dost against thy health and life Don't put the candle of sorrow too near that thread by which thou hangest over the mouth of Hell O its far better to be childless or friendless on earth than hopeless and remediless in hell Secondly Own and admire the bounty and goodness of God manifested to thee in this affliction that when death came into thy family to smite and carry off one it had not fallen to thy lot to be the person thy Husband Wife or Child is taken and thou art left Had thy name been in the Commission thou hadst been now past hope O the sparing mercy of God! the wonderful long suffering of God towards thee Possibly that poor creature that is gone never provoked God as thou hast done thy poor child never abused mercies neglected calls treasur'd up the thousandth part of that guilt thou hast done So that thou mightest well immagine it should rather have cut thee down that hadst so provoked God than thy poor little one But oh the admirable patience of God! Oh the riches of long suffering Thou art only warned not smitten by it Is there nothing in this worth thy thankful acknowledgement Is it not better to be in black for another on earth than in the blackness of darkness for ever Is it not easier to go to the grave with thy dead friend and weep there than to go to hell among the damned where there is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth Thirdly This affliction for which thou mournest may be the greatest mercy to thee that ever yet befel thee in this world God hath now made thy heart soft by trouble shewed thee the vanity of this World and what a poor trifle it is which thou madest thy happiness There is now a dark cloud spread over all thy worldly comforts Now O now if the Lord would but strike in with this affliction and by it open thine eyes to see thy deplorable state and take off thy heart for ever from the vain world which thou now seest hath nothing in it and cause thee to chuse Christ the only abiding good for thy portion If now thy affliction may but bring thy sin to remembrance and thy dead friend may but bring thee to a sense of thy dead soul which is as cold to God and spiritual things as his body is to thee and more loathsome in his eyes than that corps is or shortly will be to the eyes of men Then this day is certainly a day of the greatest mercy that ever yet thou sawest O happy death that shall prove life to thy soul. Why this is sometimes the way of the Lord with men Job 36. 8 9. If they be bound in fetters and helden in cords of affliction then he sheweth them their work and their transgression that they have exceeded he openeth also their ear to discipline and commandeth them that they return from iniquity O Consider poor pensive creature that which stole away thy heart from God is now gone That which eat up thy time and thoughts that there was no room for God soul or eternity in them is gone All the vain expectations thou raisedst up to thy self from that poor creature which now lyes in the dust are in one day perished O what an advantage hast thou now for heaven beyond what ever thou yet hadst If God will but bless this rod thou wilt have cause to keep many a thanksgiving day for this day I pray let these three things be pondred by you I can bestow no more comforts upon you your condition bars the best comforts from you they belong to the people of God and you have yet nothing to do with them I shall therefore turn from you to them and present some choicer comforts to them to whom they properly belong which may be of great use to you in reading if it be but to convince you of the blessed priviledge and state of the people of God in the greatest plunges of troubles in this world and what advantages their interest in Christ gives
more nor see his native Country And is there not a dreadful sound of troubles now in our ears Do not the clouds gather blackness Surely all things round about us seem to be preparing and disposing themselves for affliction The dayes may be nigh in which you shall say Blessed is the womb that never bare and the paps that never gave suck It was in the day wherein the faith and patience of the Saints were exercised that John heard a voice from heaven saying to him Write Blessed are the dead which dye in the Lord from benceforth Thy friend hy an Act of favour is disbanded by death whilst thou thy self art left to endure a great fight of affliction And now if troubles come thy cares and fears will be so much the less and thy own death so much the easier to thee when so much of thee is in heaven already In this case the Lord by a mercifull dispensation is providing both for their safety and thy own easier passage to them In removing thy friends before hand he seems to say to thee as he did to Peter Joh. 13. 7. What I do thou knowest not now but hereafter thou shalt know it The eye of Providence hath a prospect far beyond thine it would be in probability an harder task for thee to leave them behind than to follow them A tree that 's deeply rooted in the earth requires many strokes to fell it but when its roots are loosned before hand then an easie stroke layes it down upon the earth 6. Consid. A parting time must needs come and why is not this as good as another You knew before hand your child or friend was mortal and that the thred that linked you together must be cut If any one saith Basil had asked you when your child was born What is that which is born What would you have answered Would you not have said it is a man and if a man than a Mortal vanishing thing And why then are you surprized with wonder to see a dying thing dead He saith Seneca who complaines that one is dead complains that he was a man All men are under the same condition to whose share it falls to be born to him it remains to dye We are indeed distinguisht by intervalls but equalized in the Issue It is appointed to all men once to dye Heb. 9. 27. There is a statute Law of heaven in the case Possibly you think this is the worst time for parting that could be had you enjoyed it longer you could have parted easier but how are you deceiv'd in that The longer you had enjoyed it the lother still you would have been to leave it the deeper it would have rooted it self in your affection Had God given you such a priviledge as was once granted to the English Parliament that the union betwixt you and your friend should not be dissolved till you your self were willing it should be dissolved When think you would you have been willing it should be dissolved It s well for us and ours that our times are in Gods hand not in our own And how immature soever it seemed to be when it was cut down yet it came to the grave in a full age as a shock of corn in its season Job 5. 26. They that are in Christ and in the Covenant never dye unseasonably whensoever they dye Saith one upon the Text They dye in a good old age yea though they dye in the spring and flower of youth they dye in a good old age i. e. They are ripe for death when ever they dye When ever the godly dye its harvest time with him though in a natural capacity he be cut down while he is green and cropt in the bud or blossom yet in his spiritual capacity he never dyes before he is ripe God can ripen his speedily he can let out such warm rayes and beams of his spirit upon them as shall soon maturate the seeds of grace into a preparedness for glory It was doubtless the most fit and seasonable time for them that ever they could dye in and as it is a fit time for them so for you also Had it lived longer it might either have engaged you more and so your parting would have been harder or else have puzled and stumbled you more by discovering its natural corruption And then what a stinging aggravation of your sorrow would that have been Surely the Lord of time is the best Judge of time and in nothing do we more discover our folly and rashness then in presuming to fix the times either of our comforts or troubles as to our comforts we never think they can come to soon we would have them presently whether the season be fit or not as Numb 12. 13. Heal her now Lord. O let it be done speedily we are in post hast for our comforts and as for our afflictions we never think they come late enough not at this time Lord rather at any other time than now But it s good to leave the timing both of the one and other to him whose works are all beautiful in their seasons and never doth any thing in an improper time 7. Consid. Call to mind in this day of trouble the Covenant you have made with God and what you solemnly promised him in the day you took him for your God It will be very seasonable and useful for thee Christian at this time to reflect upon those transactions and the frame of thy heart in those dayes when an heavier load of Sorrow prest thy heart than thou now feelest In those your spiritual distresses when the burthen of sin lay heavy the curse of the Law the fear of hell the dread of death and eternity beset thee on every side and shut thee up to Christ the only door of hope Ah what good news wouldst thou then have accounted it to escape that danger with the loss of all earthly comforts Was not this thy cry in those dayes Lord give me Christ and deny me what ever else thou pleasest Pardon my sin save my soul and in order to both unite me with Christ and I will never repine or open my mouth Do what thou wilt with me let me be friendless let me be childless let me be poor let me be any thing rather than a Christless graceless hopeless soul. And when the Lord hearkned to thy cry and shewed thee mercy when he drew thee off from the world into thy closet and there treated with thee in secret when he was working up thy heart to the terms of his Covenant and made thee willing to accept Christ upon his own terms O then how heartily didst thou submit to his yoak as most reasonable and easie as at that time it seemed to thee Call to mind these dayes the secret places where Christ and you made the bargain Have not these words or words to this sense been whispered by thee into his ear with a dropping eye and melting heart
work under the blessing and influence of the Covenant to your eternal good you would not only be quiet but thankful for that which now so much afflicts and troubles you now Thirdly This Covenant is not only well ordered in all things but sure the mercies contained in it are called the sure mercies of David Isa. 55. 3. Now how sweet how seasonable a support doth this consideration give to Gods afflicted under the rod You lately made your selves sure of that creature-comfort which hath forsaken you It may be you said of your child which is now gone as Lamech said of his Son Noah Gen. 5. 29. This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toyl of our hands Meaning that his Son should not only comfort them by assisting them in the work of their hands but in enjoying the fruit of their toil and pains for him Probably such thoughts you have had and raised up to your selves great expectations of comfort in your old age from it but now you see you built upon the sand And where were you now if you had not a firmer bottom to build upon But blessed be God the Covenant-mercies are more sure and solid God Christ and heaven never start or fade as these things do The sweetest creature enjoyments you ever had or have in this world cannot say to you as your God doth I will never leave thee nor forsake thee You must part with your dear Husbands how well soever you love them you must bid adieu to the wife of your bosom how nearly soever your affections be linked and heart delighted in her Your children and you must be separated though they be to you as your own soul. But though these vanish away blessed be God there is something that abides Though all flesh be as grass and the goodliness of it as the flower of the grass though the grass withereth and the flower thereof fadeth because the spirit of the Lord bloweth upon it yet the word of our God shall stand for ever Isa. 40. 6 7 8. There is so much of supported contain in this one consideration that could but your faith fix here to reallize and apply it I might lay down my pen at this period and say the work is done there needs no more 9. Consid. The hope of the Resurrection should powerfully restrain all excesses of sorrow in those that do profess it Let them only mourn without measure who mourn without hope The husbandman doth not mourn when he casts his seed-corn into the earth because he sows in hope and commits it to the ground with an expectation to receive it again with improvement Why thus stands the case here and just so the Apostle states it 1 Thes. 4. 13 14. But I would not have you to be ignorant brethren concerning them which are asleep that ye sorrow not even as others which have no hope for if we believe that Jesus dyed and rose again even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him Q. D. Look not upon the dead as a lost generation Think not that death hath annihilated and utterly destroyed them O no they are not dead but only asleep and if they sleep they shall awake again You don't use to make out-cries and Lamentations for your children and friends when you find them asleep upon their beds Why Death is but a longer sleep out of which they shall as surely awake as ever they did in the morning in this world I have often wondered at that Golden sentence in Seneca My thoughts of the dead saith he are not as others are I have fair and pleasant apprehensions of them for I enjoyed them as one that reckoned I must part with them and I part with them as one that makes account to have them He speaks no doubt of that enjoyment of them which his pleasant contemplations of their vertuous actions could give him for he was wholly unacquainted with the comfortable and heart-supporting doctrine of the Resurrection Had he known the advantages which result thence at what a rate may we think he would have spoken of the dead and of their state But this you profess to believe and yet sink at a strange rate O suffer not Gentilism to out-vye Christianity Let not Pagans challenge the greatest believers to out-do them in a quiet and chearful behaviour under afflictions I beseech thee Reader if thy deceased friend have left thee any sollid ground of hope that he dyed interessed in Christ and the Covenant that thou wilt distinctly ponder these admirable supports which the doctrine of the Resurrection affords First That the same body which was so pleasant a spectacle to thee shall be restored again yea the same numerically as well as the same specifically so that it shall not only be the what it was but the who he was These eyes shall behold him and not another Job 19. 27. c. The very same body you laid or are now to lay in the grave shall be restored again Thou shalt find thine own husband wife child or friend again I say the self same and not another Secondly And farther this is supporting that as you shall see the same person that was so dear to you So you shall know them to be the same that were once endeared to you on earth in so near a tye of Relation Indeed you shall know them no more in any carnal Relation death dissolved that bond But you shall know them to be such as once were your dear Relations in this world and be able to single them out among that great multitude and say This was my Father Mother Husband Wife or Child This was the person for whom I wept and made supplication who was an instrument of good to me or to whose salvation God then made me instrumental For we may allow in that state all that knowledge which is cumulative and perfective whatsoever may enlarge and heighten our felicity and satisfaction as this must needs be allowed to do Luthers judgement in this point being by his friends asked at supper the evening before he dyed replyed thus What said he befel Adam He never saw Eve but was in a deep sleep when God formed her yet when he awaked and saw her he asked not What she was nor whence she came But saith she was flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone now how knew he that He being full of the holy Ghost and endued with the knowledge of God spake thus After the same manner we also shall be in the other life renewed by Christ and shall know our parents our wives and children And this among other things was that with which Augustine comforted the Lady Italica after the death of her dear husband telling her that she should know him in the world to come amongst the glorified Saints Yea and a greater than either of these I mean Paul comforted himself that the Thessalonians whom he had converted to Christ should
by struggling under it Oh that your hearts might be in a like frame with his that said Lord thou shalt beat and I will bear It was a good observation that one made Anima sedendo quiescendo fit sapiens The Soul grows wise by sitting still and quiet under the rod. And the Apostle calls those excellent fruits which the Saints gather from their sanctified afflictions The peaceable fruits of Righteousness Heb. 12. 11 Lastly My hearts desire and prayer to God for you is that you may die daily to all visible enjoyments and by these frequent converses with death in your family you may be prepared for your own change and dissolution when it shall come O Friends How many graves have you and I seen opened for our dear Relations How oft hath death come up into our windows and summoned the delight of our eyes It is but a little while and we shall go to them we and they are distinguished but by short intervals Transivere patres simul hinc transibimus omnes Our dear Parents are gone our lovely and desireable children are gone our bosom Relations that were as our own souls are gone the greatest part of us is gone And do not all these warning-knocks at our dores acquaint us that we must prepare to follow shortly after them O that by these things our own death might be both more easie and more familiar to us the oftner it visits us the better we should be acquainted with it and the more of our beloved Relations it removes before us the less of either snare and intanglement remains for us when our turn comes My dear Friends my flesh and my blood I beseech you for Religion sake for your own sake and for my sake whose Comfort is in great part bound up in your prosperity and welfare that you read frequently ponder seriously and apply believingly these Scripture-consolations and directions which in some haste I have gathered for your use and the God of all consolation be with you I am Your most endeared Brother JOHN FLAVEL Luke 7. 13. And when the Lord saw her he had Compassion on her and said to her Weep not TO be above the stroke of passions is a condition equal to Angels to be in a State of Sorrow without the sense of sorrow is a disposition beneath Beasts but duly to regulate our Sorrows and bound our Passions under the rod is the Wisdom duty and excellency of a Christian. He that is without natural affections is deservedly ranked among the worst of Heathens and he that is able rightly to manage them deserves to be numbred with the best of Christians Though when we are Sanctified we put on the Divine Nature yet till we are glorified we put not off the infirmities of our humane Nature Whilest we are within the reach of troubles we cannot be without the danger nor ought to be without the fear of sin and it is as hard for us to escape sin being in adversity as becalming in prosperity How apt we are to transgress the bounds both of Reason and Religion under a sharp affliction appears as in most mens experience so in this Womans example to whose excessive Sorrow Christ puts a stop in the Text He saw her and had Compassion on her and said to her Weep not The Lamentations and waylings of this distressed mother moved the tender compassions of the Lord in beholding it and stirred up more pitty in his heart for her than could be in her heart for her dear and only Son In the words we are to consider both the Condition of the woman and the Counsel of Christ with respect unto it First The condition of this Woman which appears to be very dolorous and distressed her groans and tears moved and melted the very heart of Christ to hear and behold them When he saw her he had Compassion on her How sad an hour it was with her when Christ met her appears by what is so distinctly remark't by the Evangelist in ver 12. where it is said Now when they came nigh to the Gate of the City behold there was a dead man carried out the only Son of his Mother and she was a Widdow and much people of the City was with her In this one Verse divers heart piercing circumstances of this affliction are noted First It was the death of a Son To bury a child any child must needs rend the heart of a tender Parent for what are children but the parent multiplied a child is a part of the parent made up in another skin But to lay a Son in the grave A Son which continues the name and supports the family this was ever accounted a very great affliction Secondly This Son was not carried from the Cradle to the Coffin nor stript out of its Swathing to be wrapt in its Winding cloaths Had he dyed in infancy before he had engaged affection or raised expectation the affliction had not been so pungent and cutting as now it was Death smote this Son in the flower and Prime of his time He was a man saith the Evangelist ver 12. a young man as Christ calls him ver 14. he was now arrived at that age which made him capable of yeilding his Mother all that comfort which had been the expectation and hope of many years and the reward and fruit of many cares and Labours Yet then when the endearments were greatest and her hopes highest even in the flower of his age he is cut off Thus Basil bewayled the death of his Son Filius mihi erat adolescens solus vitaesuccessor solatium senectae gloria generis flos aequalium fulcrum domu saetatem gratiosissimam agebat hic raptus periit qui paulo ante jucundam vocem edebat jucundissimum spectaculum parentis oculis erat I once had a Son who was a young man my only successor the solace of my age the glory of his kind the prop of my family arrived to the endearing age then was he snatcht from me by death whose lovely voice but a little before I heard who lately was a pleasant spectacle to his Parent Reader if this have been thine own condition as it hath been his that writes it I need say no more to convince thee that it was a sorrowful State indeed Christ met this tender Mother in Thirdly And which is yet more he was not only a Son but an only Son so you find in ver 12. He was the only Son of his Mother One in whom all her hopes and Comforts of that kind were bound up For Omnis in Ascanio stat chari cura Parentis All her affections were contracted into this one object If we have never so many children we know not which of them to spare If they stand like Olive plants about our Table it would grieve us to see the least twigg amongst them broken down But surely the death of one out of many is much more tolerable than of all
of their happiness which returns and remains with them and therefore it can be no such priviledge to them And for their Relations though it be some comfort to receive them again from the dead yet the consideration that they are returned to them into the stormy Sea to partake of new sorrows and troubles from which they were lately free and in a short time they must part with them again and feel the double sorrows of a parting pull which others feel but once surely such a particular Resurrection considered in it self is no such ground of comfort as at first we might imagine it to be It remains then that the ground of all solid Comfort and reliefe against the death of our Relations lyes in the General and last Resurrection and what is in a particular one is but as it is a Specimen and evidence of the general and there the Apostle places our relief 1 Thes. 4. 17. that we shall see enjoy them again at the Lords coming And surely this is more than if with this Mother in the Text we should presently receive them from the dead as she did her Son And if we judge not so it is because our hearts are carnal and measure things rather by time and sense than by faith and eternity Thus you see the Councel with its ground which for the most part is common to other Christian mourners with her the difference being but inconsiderable and of little advantage Here then you find many aggravations of sorrow meeting together A Son an only Son is carrying to the grave yet Christ commands the pensive Mother not to Mourn Hence we note Doct. That Christians ought to moderate their Sorrows for their dead Relations how many afflicting circumstances and aggravations soever do meet together in their Death It is as common with men yea with good men to exceed in their sorrows for dead Relations as it is to exceed in their loves and delights to living Relations and both of the one and other we may say as they say of waters It 's hard to confine them within their bounds It is therefore grave advice which the Apostle delivers in this case 1 Cor. 7. 29 30 But this I say Brethren the time is short It remaineth that both they that have Wives be as though they had none and they that weep as though they wept not and those that rejoyce as though they rejoyced not As if he had said the floating world is near its port God hath contracted the sailes of mans life it s but a point of time we have to live and shortly it will not be a point to choose whether we had wives or not children or not all these are time-eaten things and before the expected fruit of these comforts be ripe we our selves may be rotten It s therefore an high point of Wisdom to look upon things which shortly will not be as if already they were not and to behave our selves in the loss of these carnal enjoyments as the natural man behaves himself in the use of spiritual Ordinances He hears as if he heard not and we should weep as if we wept not Their affections are a little moved sometimes by spiritual things but they never lay them so to heart as to be broken hearted for the sin they hear of or deeply affected with the glory revealed We also ought to be sensible of the stroke God upon our dear Relations but yet still we must weep as if we wept not that is we must keep due bounds and moderation in our sorrows and not be too deeply concerned for these dying short-liv'd things To this purpose the Apostle exhorts Heb. 12. 5 My Son despise not the chastening of the Lord neither faint when thou art rebuked of him These are two extreams despising and fainting when God is correcting to say I do not regard it let God take all if he will if my estate must go let it go if my children dy let them dye this is to despise the Lords chastening and God cannot bear it that we should bear it thus lightly There is also another extream and that is Fainting if when goods are taken away the heart be taken away and when children dye then the spirit of the Parent dyes also this is fainting under the rod. Thou lamentest saith Seneca thy deceased friend but I would not have thee grieve beyond what is meet That thou shouldst not grieve at all I dare not require thee tears may be excused if they do not exceed Let thine eyes therefore be neither wholly dry nor yet let them overflow Weep thou maist but Wayle thou must not Happy man that still keeps the golden bridle of moderation upon his passions and affections and still keeps the possession of himself whatsoever he looseth the possession of Now the the method in which I purpose to proceed shall be 1. To discover the Signes of immoderate Sorrow 2. To disswade from the sin of immoderate Sorrow 3. To remove the pleas of immoderate Sorrow 4. To propose the cure of immoderate Sorrow First I shall give you the Signs of immoderate Sorrow and shew you when it exceeds its bounds and becomes sinful even a sorrow to be sorrowed for and for clearness sake I will first allow what may be allowed to the Christian mourner and then you will the better discern wherein the excesse and sinfulness of your sorrow lyes And First How much soever we censure and condemn immoderate Sorrow yet the afflicted must be allowed an awakened and tender sense of the Lords afflicting hand upon them It s no virtue to bear what we do not feel Yea it is a most unbecoming temper not to tremble when God is smiting The Lord faith to Moses in the case of Miriam Num. 12. 24. If her Father had spit in her face should she not be ashamed seven days The face is the Table and Seat of beauty and honour but when it is spit upon it 's made the sink of shame Had her own Father spit upon her face when she had displeased him Would she not have gone aside as one ashamed by such a rebuke and not have shew'd her face to him again in seven days How much more should she take it to heart and be sensible of this rebuke of mine who have fill'd her face with Leprous spots the signs of my displeasure against her Surely God will be ashamed of those that are not ashamed when he rebukes them It is not magnanimity but stupidity to make light of Gods corrections and for this the afflicted are smartly taxed Jer. 5. 3. I have smitten them but they have not grieved When God smote Job in his person children and estate he arose and rent his mantle and put dust upon his head to shew he was not senseless and unaffected and yet blessed the afflicting God which as plainly shew'd he was not contumacious and unsubmissive Secondly We must allow the mourning afflicted soul a due and comely
this rod for doth not all this sorrow at parting plainly speak how much your heart was set upon how fast your heart was glewed to this earthly comfort Now you see that your affections were sunk many degrees deeper into the creature than you were aware of and what should God do in this case by you Should he suffer you to cleave to the creature more and more Should he permit it to purloin and exhaust your love and delight and steal away your heart from himself This he could not do and love you The more impatient you are under this affliction the more need you had of it And what if by this stroke the Lord will awaken your drowzy soul and recover you out of that pleasant but dangerous spiritual slumber you were fallen into whilst you had pillowed your head upon this pleasant sensible creature-enjoyment Is not this really better for you than if he should say sleep on He is joyned to Idols let him alone he is departing from me the fountain to a broken Cistern let him go Yea What if by this stroke upon one of the pleasantest things you had in this world God will discover to you more sensibly and effectually than ever the vanity both of that and all other earthly comforts so as that you shall from henceforth never let forth your heart your hope your love and delight to any of them as you did before you could talk before of the creatures vanity but I question whether ever you had so clear and convincing a sight of its vanity as you have this day And is not this a considerable mercy in your eyes Now if ever God is weaning you from all fond opinions and vain expectations from this world by this your Judgment of the creatures is rectified and your affections to all other enjoyments on earth moderated And is this nothing O doubtless it 's a greater mercy to you than to have your friend alive again And what if by this rod your wandering gadding heart shall be whipt home to God Your neglected duties revived your decayed Communion with God restored a spiritual heavenly frame of heart recovered What will you say then Surely you will bless that merciful hand which removed the obstructions and adore the divine wisdom and goodness that by such a device as this recover'd you to himself Now you can pray more constantly more spiritually more affectionately than before Oh blessed rod which buds and blossoms with such fruits as these Let this be written among your best mercies for you shall have cause to adore and bless God eternally for this beneficial affliction 17. Consid. Suffer not your selves to be transported by impatience and swallowed up of grief because God hath excercised you under a smart rod for as smarting as it is it 's comparatively a gentle stroke to what others as good as your selves have felt Your dear Relation is dead be it so here is but a single death before you but others have seen many deaths contrived into one upon their Relations to which yours is nothing Zedekiah saw his children murdred before his eyes and then had those eyes alas too late put out The worthy Author of that excellent book foremention'd tells us of a choice and godly Gentlewomanin the North of Ireland who when the Rebellion brake out there fled with three children one of them upon the brest they had not gone far before they were stript naked by the Irish who to admiration spared their lives its like concluding that cold and hunger would kill them afterwards going on at the foot of a River which runs to Locheach others met them and will have them cast into the River but this godly woman not dismai'd asked a little liberty to pray and as she lay naked on the frozen ground got resolution not to go on her own feet to so unjust a death upon which having called her and she refusing was drag'd by the heels along that rugged way to be cast in with her little ones and company But she then turned and on her knees says you should I am sure be Christians and men I see you are in taking away our miserable lives you do us a pleasure But know that as we never wronged you nor yours you must remember to dye also your selves and one day give an account of this cruelty to the Judge of heaven and earth hereupon they resolved not to murder them with their own hands but turned them all naked upon a small Island in the River without any provision there to perish The next day the two boys having crept aside found the hide of a beast which had been killed at the root of a tree which the Mother cast over them lying upon the Snow The next day a little boat goes by unto whom she calls for Gods sake to take them out but they being Irish refused they desired a little bread but they said they had none then she begs a coal of fire which she obtained and thus with some fallen chips made a little fire and the children taking a piece of the hide laid it on the coals and began to gnaw the Leather but without an extraordinary divine support what could this do Thus they lived ten days without any visible means of help having no bread but ice and snow nor drink except water The two boys being near starved she pressed them to go out of her sight not able to see their death yet God delivered them as miraculously at last as he had supported them all that while But judge whether a natural death in an ordinary way be comparable to such a tryal as this And yet thus the Lord did by this choice and eminently gracious woman And Mr. Wall in his none-but-Christ relates as sad a passage of a poor Family in Germany who were driven to that extremity in the famine that at last the Parents made a motion one to the other to sell one of the children for bread to sustain themselves and the rest but when they came to consider which child it should be their hearts so relented and yerned upon every one that they resolved rather all to dye together Yea we read in Lam. 4. 10. The hands of the pitiful women have sodden their own children But what speak I of these extremities how many parents yea some godly ones too have lived to see their children dying in prophaneness and some by the hand of Justice lamenting their Rebellions with a rope about their necks Ah Reader little dost thou know what stings there are in the afflictions of others Surely you have no reason to think the Lord hath dealt more bitterly with you than any It 's a gentle stroke a merciful dispensation if you compare it with what others have felt 18. Consid. If God be your God you have really lost nothing by the removal of any creature-comfort God is the Fountain of all true comfort creatures the very best and sweetest are but Cisterns to receive
and preventing these sinful excesses of sorrow for the death of our dear Relations And although much hath been said already to disswade from this evil and I have enlarged already much beyond my first intention yet I shall cast in some farther help and assistance towards the healing of this distemper by prescribing the following Rules 1. Rule If you would not mourn excessively for the loss of creature-comforts then beware that you set not your delight and love excessively or inordinately upon them whilst you enjoy them Strong affections make strong afflictions the higher the Tyde the lower the Ebb. According to the measure of our delight in the enjoyment is our grief in the loss of these things The Apostle knits these two graces Temperance and Patience together in the Precept 2 Pet. 1. 16. And it 's very observable how Intemperance and Impatience are inseparably linked in experience yea the experience of the best men You read Gen. 37. 3. How Israel loved Joseph more than all his children because he was the son of his old age and he made him a coat of many colours This was the darling Jacobs heart was exceedingly set upon him his very life was bound up in the life of the Lad. Now when the supposed death of this child was brought to him How did he carry it See Ver. 34 35. And Jacob rent his cloaths and put sackcloth upon his loins and mourned for his Son many days And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him but he refused to be comforted and he said for I will go down into the grave to my Son mourning Thus his Father wept for him Here as in a glass the effects of excessive love to a child are represented Here you may see what work immoderate love will make even in a sanctified heart O therefore let your moderation be known to all men in your delights and sorrows about earthly things for ordinarily the proportion of the one is answerable to the other 2. Rule If you would not be overwhelmed with grief for the loss of your Relations be exact and careful in discharging your duties to them while you have them The testimony of your Conscience that you have laboured in all things to discharge the duties you owed to your Relations whilst they were with you will prove an excellent allay to your sorrows for them when they are no longer yours 'T is not so much the single affliction as the guilt charged upon us in times of affliction that makes our load so heavy O what a terrible thing is it to look upon our dead whilst Conscience is accusing and upbraiding us for our duties neglected and such or such sins committed O you little think how dreadful a spectacle this will make the dead body of thy friend to thee Conscience if not quite stupid or dead will speak at such a time O therefore as ever you would provide for a comfortable parting at death or meet again at Judgment be exact punctual and circumspect in all your relative duties 3. Rule If you would not be overwhelmed by trouble for the loss of your Relations then turn to God under your trouble and pour out your sorrows by prayer into his bosom This will ease and allay your troubles Blessed be God for the ordinance of prayer How much are all the Saints beholding to it at all times but especially in heart sinking and distressful times It 's some relief when in distress we can pour out our trouble into the bosom of a Wife or faithful Friend How much more when we leave our complaint before the gracious wise and faithful God I told you before of that holy man who having lost his dear and only Son got to his Closet there poured out his soul freely to the Lord and when he came down to his friends that were waiting below to comfort him and fearing how he would bear that stroke he came from his duty with a chearful countenance telling them he would be content to bury a Son if it were possible every day provided he might but enjoy such comfort as his soul had found in that private hour Go thy way Christian to thy God get thee to thy knees in the cloudy and dark day retire from all Creatures that thou mayst have thy full liberty with thy God and there pour out thy heart before him in free full and broken-hearted confessions of sin Judge thy self worthy of Hell as well as of this trouble Justifie God in all his smartest strokes beg him in this distress to put under thee the evering arms intreat one smile one gracious look to inlighten thy darkness and chear thy drooping spirit Say with the Prophet Jer. 17. 17 Be not then a terrour to me thou art my hope in the day of evil And try what relief such a course will afford thee Surely if thy heart be sincere in this course thou shalt be able to say with that holy man Psal. 94. 19. In the multitude of my thoughts which I had within me thy comforts have delighted my soul. 4. Rule If you would bear the loss of your dear Relations with moderation eye God in the whole process of the affliction more and secondary causes and circumstances of the matter less I was dumb I opened not my mouth because thou didst it Psal. 39. 9. Consider the hand of the Lord in the whole matter And that First As a Soveraign hand which hath right to dispose of thee and all thy comforts without thy leave or consent Job 33. 13. Secondly As a Fathers hand correcting thee in love and faithfulness Prov. 3. 11. Whom the Lord loveth he correcteth as a Father the Son in whom he delighteth O if once you could but see affliction as a rod in a Fathers hand as proceeding from his love and intended for your eternal good How quiet would you then be And surely if it draw your heart nearer to God and mortifie it more to this vain world it is a rod in the hand of special love If it end in your love to God doubt not but it comes from Gods love to you Thirdly As a just and righteous hand Hast thou not procured this to thy self by thy own folly Yea the Lord is just in all that is come upon thee Whatever he hath done yet he hath done thee no wrong Fourthly Lastly As a moderate and merciful hand that hath punished thee less than thine iniquities deserve he hath cast thee into affliction he might justly have cast thee into Hell It 's of the Lords mercy that thou art not consumed Why doth the living man complain 5. Rule If you would bear your affliction with moderation compare it with the affliction of other men and that will greatly quiet your spirits You have no cause to say God hath dealt bitterly with you and that there is no sorrow like your sorrow Look round about you and impartially consider the conditions that others are in and they nothing
inferiour to you in any respect You have one dead child Aaron had two at a stroke Job all at one stroke and both these by an immediate stroke from the hand of God Some godly Parents have lived to see their children dye in their sin by the hand of Justice others have seen them live to the dishonour of God and breaking of their own spirits and would have esteemed it a mercy if they had dyed from the womb and given up the ghost when they came out of the belly as Job speaks In what misery have some Parents seen their children lye God holding them as so many terrible spectacles of misery before their eyes so that they have beg'd the Lord with importunity to let loose his hand and cut them off Death being in their esteem nothing to those continual agonies in which they have seen them lye sweltering from day to day Oh you little know what a bitter cup others have had given them to drink Surely if you compare you must say the Lord hath dealt gently and graciously with you 6. Rule Carefully shun and avoid whatsoever may renue your sorrow or provoke you to impatience Increase not your sorrow by the sight of or discourses about sad objects but labour to avoid them as occasions presented by the enemy of your souls to draw forth the corruptions of your hearts I told you before why Jacob would not have the child of which Rachel dyed called after the name his wife had given Benoni the Son of my sorrow lest it should prove a daily occasion of renuing his trouble for the loss of his dear Wife but he called his name Benjamin Your impatience is like tinder or Gun-powder so long as you can prevent the sparks from falling on it there is no great danger But you that carry such dangerous prepared matter in your own hearts cannot be too careful to prevent them Do by murmuring as you do by blasphemous thoughts think quite another way and give no occasion 7. Rule In the day of your mourning for the death of your friends seriously consider your own death as approaching and that you and your dead are distinguisht but by a small interval and point of time 2 Sam. 12. 23. I shall go to him Surely the thoughts of your own death as approaching also will greatly allay your sorrows for the dead that are gone before you We are apt to fancy a long life in the world and then the loss of those comforts which we promised our selves so much of the sweetness and comfort of our lives from seems an intollerable thing But would you reallize your own deaths more you would not be so deeply concerned for their death as you are Could you but look into your own graves more seriously you would be able to look into your friends grave more composedly And thus I have finished what I designed from this Scripture The Father of mercies and God of all comfort whose sole Prerogative it is to comfort them that are cast down write all his truths upon your hearts that they may abide there and reduce your disorder'd affections to that frame which best suits the will of God and the profession you make of subjection and resignation thereunto FINIS 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Graec Comic * In adolescentia defunctus fuit ideo plus dolendum fuerat quia in flore aetatis suae fuit et cum grandi labore ac solicitudine parentum ad istam aetatem perductus Dion Cath. in loc Mortem levins toleraret si non unicus fuisset si alter qui parentis dolorem leniret superfuisset Ambros. Virgil. Nibil charius unico filio sic dolor de morte ipsius intenfissimus existit Carthus in Loc. Duplici nomine charissimus fuit tum quod esset unigenitus tum quod esset solatium quasi bacūlus viduitatis ipsius Pisc. in Loc. Victurosque dii celant ut vivere durent In eo futurae resurrectionis illustre habemus Specimen Cal. in Loc. Quae ardenter diligimus habita graviter suspiramus amissa Greg. mor. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 * Nec enim pudet sanctos viros postquam renovata corda fuerint per resipiscentiam lapsus sui dedecoris ad dei gloriam meminisse Nihil nobis decedit quod cedit in illius honorem Brightman in Cant. cap. 1. ver 4. pag. 11. Cumque ille nominasset Arcam dei q d. nondum integram sed inchoatam audiens narrationem mente praevolans exitum presagiens ruebat Meneoz in Loc. Tristitia mundi est tristitia secundum mundum quae ex amore mundi nascitur Estius in Loc. * Haec tibi scribo qui tam immodice flevi ut quod minime velim inter exempla sim eorum quos dolor vicit hodie tamen factum meum damno Seneca Ep. 63. p. mihi 637. * In est quidam dulce tristitiae cum occurant sermones eorum jucundi conversatio hilaris officiosa pietas tunc occuli velut in gaudio relaxantur Sen. Ep. 806. Ex eorum more qui luctus sui irritamenta querunt Calv. Nil miserius misero non miser ante seipsum Senecas Epist. p. 84. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 erant amaritudo animi Plut. Moral p. 222. Aequo animo excipenecessaria quam multi post luctum tuum lugent Sen. Ep. 99. Seneca's Ep. 804. Car. in Loc. Habui enim illos tanquam amissurus amisi tanquam habeam Seneca Ep. 63. Melchior Adam in vita Luth. Aug. Ep. 6. Vide English Annotations in Loc. Fulfilling of the Scripture p. 491. M. M. his Appendix to Solomons prescription p. 112. The fullfilling of the Scriptures Quem amabas extulisti quaere quem ames satius est amicum reparare quam flere Seneca's Ep. p. 637. Melchior Adam in vita Lutheri Vide Mr. Baxter's Epistle to the life of Mr. John Janeway Non amittuntur sed praemittuntur Epict. Enchiri Cap. 15.